The Song Remains the Same
by SMac
Summary: Summary: Life can be difficult when you are fifteen years old with a baby and few options. Fortunately Buffy Summers is a resourceful girl. Spuffy.
1. Chapter 1

The Song Remains the Same

By Sara M

B/S

Rating: M

**Summary:** Life can be difficult when you are fifteen years old with a baby and few options. Fortunately Buffy Summers is a resourceful girl. Spuffy. All human AU in Four Parts. It's a high school fic with actual high school coming up in Parts Two thru Four. This is a very long saga and will be completed.

**NOTE :** The ratings and warnings I am giving for this story do not represent the entire story - they allow for occasional forays into difficult subjects, but most chapters do not dwell there. It's not a fluffy story, but it is not unrelentingly grim. Like life, it flows among the highs and lows.

**IMPORTANT: **Although Parts One and Two are rated R, beginning in Part Three the story will move into some NC-17 territory. _'The Song Remains the Same' _consists of Parts One and Two. When we move into Part Three it will start a new posted 'story' so that I can reflect the new rating. Also, Parts One and Two are quite long enough on their own.

Winner of 'Judge's Pick' in Round 11 of _Spuffy Awards_ and Winner of Best Fantasy Angst and Best Fantasy Author in Round 12 of the _Spuffy Awards_.

Warnings: Adult Language, Buffy/Other (past), Rape (referenced), Sexual Situations, Spike/Other (past), Violence

Spoilers: none, all human AU.

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Author's Note #1: I am a first time writer so constructive criticism is welcome. This is definitely a spuffy story but the tale is long and there's ground to cover before any spuffy action is involved. This is not a fluffy spuffy fic, however. Also, there is within the story sexual assault and rape, although not graphically described, so if you do not wish to read about that I will notate it when it appears so that you may skim over that section. Author's Note #2: The federal, state, and municipal laws referenced in the story are very complex and underwent massive federal and state changes in the late 1990s and early 2000s, and also vary widely from state to state and city to city in how they are enforced or interpreted. It is therefore not possible for me to pin down exact laws, in exact places, at exact times, as they are exactly enforced or not enforced by local law enforcement and social service agencies, there's too much variation. I've researched up the yazoo to be as accurate as possible but there will always be some differences between the law and how any particular law enforcement agency or social service worker decides to interpret or misinterpret it, even within the same local agency. Where a club mentioned in the story is concerned I have chosen to entirely ignore recent California laws that make certain club rules vastly different than the reader would expect and went with what worked best for the story.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**PART ONE**

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**Chapter One**  
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_**Baby Love**_

xxx

"I want to see her."

"Now Buffy, you know better than that."

"Bring her to me."

"We can't do that, sweetheart. It'll only make this harder for you."

"I don't care. I want to see her."

"It's against policy -"

"I don't care!" her voice broke, "I need to see her. Just this once...please."

Sister Margaret sighed unhappily. This was the moment when the girls were most vulnerable and she had hoped she could avoid this scene where Buffy was concerned. The girl had not appeared to be interested in her pregnancy nor in the baby itself throughout her time at St Anne's Maternity Home. She knew how vehemently the girl's parents insisted on adopting this infant out and returning to a 'normal' life again. Buffy was only fifteen years old, and hardly capable of providing a home for a baby, especially without parental assistance. No, adoption was the only alternative. Everyone had agreed.

But here, now, a mother was demanding to hold her baby. No matter that the mother was still a child herself, Sister Margaret knew she couldn't prevent this. But she'd make one last try.

"You've met the Andersons. You know they are good people and will provide the baby a happy and secure upbringing. And you know that seeing her will only hurt you in the end, child. Please, don't put yourself through this."

Tears were coursing down Buffy's cheeks and her chin trembled. "Please."

Sister Margaret let out a heavy sigh and turned to the nurse standing nearby. "Please go get the Summers infant." She turned back to Buffy and smiled gently at the sight before her. Buffy brushed the tears from her face and sat up straight in her hospital bed, arranging her blankets in readiness to greet her baby for the first time. Sister Margaret passed Buffy some tissues and tucked an errant strand of hair behind the girl's ear. No, this wasn't going to go smoothly at all.

xxxx

In the end, Sister Margaret had been right. That this was not going well was an understatement.

Buffy held her daughter carefully, and as had new mothers before her, counted the little fingers and toes, inspected her carefully, and then settled back, awestruck at the tiny creature in her arms. Not in her wildest dreams did she think that she would feel like this. This miraculous, beautiful, tiny little being rooting for her breast was her daughter. **Her** daughter. Her **daughter**. How could they have failed to tell her how amazing this was, how deeply this scrawny red little creature with her honey-colored hair and wrinkly skin would burrow itself inside her heart. How quickly her entire life would change when a tiny hand grasped her finger and held on. Give her up? How could she -

"Buffy, what are you doing!?"

Buffy was jolted down to earth by her mother's angry shout. "It isn't supposed to be here with you. Who gave you -"

"Mrs. Summers. Perhaps we should go into the hall and discuss this." Sister Margaret placed a calm hand on Joyce's arm and attempted to lead her away. Joyce would have none of it.

"No, I'm not leaving the room and I demand that you remove it immediately. This child is being adopted into a good home and there is absolutely no reason that Buffy should be holding it. You said yourself, there is no point in getting attached to it when it's not coming home with us." Joyce turned toward Buffy, "It's not coming home with you young lady, don't get any ideas - and you can turn the waterworks off too. You knew all along that this was going to happen and if you're upset you only have yourself to blame. Now give it back to the nurse."

"Please mom. I can do this. I know I can. Please." Silence. "She's my baby."

One look at the poor girl's face, pleading miserably, could melt the hardest heart, Sister Margaret thought. But not this mother's heart.

Joyce gazed stonily at her daughter in complete silence. Tension stretched taut between the two females for what seemed like an eternity. Joyce stepped forward slowly and finally broke the silence.

"You are fifteen years old, Buffy. There is no one going to give a fifteen year old girl custody of an infant without some sort of assistance, and believe me, you will get no help from your father or me on this. You're the one who decided you were so grown up and sneaked around with a 20 year old guy behind our backs and got yourself pregnant. And where is Mr. Wonderful now? Gone, that's where. Because at least he's smart enough to know that having a child at your age is ridiculous. You can't be anyone's mother, you haven't even started eleventh grade. You will hand this infant over to Sister Margaret now, and when it's time to sign the adoption papers you will sign them. Because if you don't sign them, we won't be taking you or it back home with us." 

Joyce let that piece of information sit for a moment and then continued on quietly, "Do you know what PINS means, Buffy? It means a 'Person in need of supervision'. And that is what you will be if you try to walk out of here without signing those papers. Because your father and I will not put up with this. You've had your fun, played the party girl, the slut, sneaked out of the house, and now had a baby out of wedlock at fifteen years old. It would be a very simple thing for us to go before a judge and simply tell him that we've tried our best with you but you are simply incorrigible and you need to go to juvenile hall. And you know what will happen to your baby then, Buffy? Foster care, that's what. And foster care is not a place you want to see your baby grow up in. But that's exactly what will happen if you refuse to go through with the adoption. I promise you as God is my witness, whether you sign those papers or not, you will not be raising this child."

xxxx

In the end the nurse took the baby away to the nursery. Buffy couldn't believe how hollow and miserable she felt as she watched her child whisked away forever. Her mother was saying something about her father being out of town so he wouldn't be coming to the hospital to visit her, and that after all it was for the best, they could 'get on with their lives' once again now this 'terrible period had passed', blah blah blah. Buffy tuned out her words, staring blankly at the wall. She was concentrating hard to remember forever the feel of her daughter in her arms, the way she smelled, the softness of the downy hair on her head, the tiny little fingers closing around her own finger...these she must not forget, must always remember. Eventually her mother went home for the night.

The nurse returned with dinner and tried to cheer her up with happy talk about boys and dates and school and all the things that Buffy had to look forward to just as every young girl does.

"Don't worry Buffy, your life will pick up again and before you know it you'll have forgotten all about this and be having the time of your life in high school, dating and going to the dances. This is the best time of your life. Just have a little faith, you'll see how this will all work out for the best." Nurse Susan chirped happily as she took away the uneaten dinner and straightened up the bed clothes.

Buffy gave no indication she was really listening and Nurse Susan sighed deeply and left Buffy to the silence of her room. To anyone watching, Buffy looked for all the world like a girl who had lost her best friend and was in a serious depressive funk, but they'd be wrong. Nurse Susan had said something that sparked the turning of gears and the making of plans, serious and foolhardy plans. Maybe there was a way to keep her baby after all.

"You've just gotta have faith," Buffy whispered to herself. Faith.

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Author's Note #1: We're still in back-storyville right now but don't worry, there'll be Spuffy along in the near future. Thank you for your review.

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**Chapter Two**  
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_**Escape From New York**_

Never underestimate the importance of good friends, especially good friends who are as naively optimistic as you are. It never even occurred to Buffy that her plan might fail, or be dangerous, and her stubborn optimism was infectious. She slipped out to a pay phone in the lobby; a few discreet calls later and Buffy's friends were on a mission. Amy Madison slipped into Buffy's house by climbing up the tree and into a bathroom window, just as Buffy directed her, and packed a carry-on bag of her clothes and some personal items, including the money Buffy had been saving from Christmas and birthday to buy new post-pregnancy clothes. Amy took the bag to the agreed rendezvous site and waited.

At eight-thirty that night Buffy was permitted to visit with her baby alone in her room 'one last time' before she had to give her up forever.

A different nurse brought the baby to her this time, and Buffy told her she wanted to give the baby her name now.

"Well, the baby is being adopted right away, and I'm sure the new parents will wish to name her," the nurse gently reminded her.

"I know. And they can change her name when she's adopted, but I want to give her a name I've chosen, so that for a little while she'll have been mine too. You know?" Buffy begged tearfully.

"If you really want to do that, then I guess that's not a problem. I'll get the papers for you."

"Thanks." Buffy smiled gratefully.

Well quickly, then. She had to come up with a name for this baby **now**. She hadn't really given it a lot of thought previously, as she believed she wouldn't have anything to do with the baby, and both her parents and the staff had told her the baby was going to another home right away. So, what name would she put on the birth certificate? 

When the nurse returned with the papers, Buffy filled them out quickly and signed them. There. Her baby was now officially Katharine Marie Summers, for her great grandmothers. Buffy may not be able to give her daughter her family right now, but she could give her her heritage. She thought maybe Gramma and Nana would look down from heaven and be pleased with their beautiful little namesake, and perhaps watch out for little Katharine as well. She'd take help from anywhere that offered it right about now.

When the nurse left the room with the signed birth papers, Tara McClay saw her opportunity and slipped in quietly. The two girls hugged and Tara made over the baby a minute, while Buffy dressed quickly. With Tara acting as a lookout, Buffy made her way out of the hospital via the emergency stairs, her daughter tucked under her coat. Tara had brought a bag with sterile bottles filled with water, diapers, a pacifier, and some infant clothes and blanket belonging to her little brother. The fact that the blanket and clothes just screamed 'boy' was a plus, as anyone looking out for Buffy would think the baby was a boy and not a girl and perhaps not make any connection. For the first time since she could remember, Tara was glad for her large family, and her newest little brother's recent birth had come in very handy.

By the time anyone realized they were gone, Buffy and Tara had met up with Amy at Penn Station, where Amy had bought a ticket for her under an alias with a fake ID. By midnight, Buffy and baby were well on their way to California and Amy and Tara had slipped back into their homes with no one the wiser, proving once again that God does indeed watch over children and fools. 

xxxx

Buffy didn't know a lot about babies, but she was infinitely grateful that hers slept so much her first few days of life. It made the train ride much less stressful for both her and her fellow passengers. She couldn't be sure the passengers would forget riding with a young mother with a baby 'boy', but she was certain they would remember a two day trip with a screaming infant. She took the fact that her baby was pretty easy to quiet down as another sign that she was doing the right thing, that she was meant to go down this road she had set herself upon.

Her breasts were full and painful, so in spite of her complete lack of information on the 'how to' of nursing, Buffy gave it her all. That was another thing no one thought to mention to her, how much nursing **hurt**. She did not recall seeing nursing mothers wincing in pain when their infants drank from them, and feared she might be doing it wrong, but since she could think of no better alternative to her full breasts and hungry infant, she set about enduring the feeding as best she could. The baby seemed to be content with the process, so Buffy decided she must be doing something right after all. Each time it hurt a little bit less.

Another thing Buffy had not anticipated was how much unwanted attention new mothers and babies attract, especially from older women. 'Mi baby es su baby' seemed to be the unwritten rule of the grandmotherly set. So she smiled and nodded and took any advice they cared to offer, no matter how strange it seemed to her. She made up a whole false identity for herself as the young wife of a soldier, on her way to California to live with her husband's parents while he was overseas. When asked her baby's name, she told them 'his' name was 'Jordan', after his father. By the time they arrived in California, she had spun so many wonderful tales about her courtship, wedding, and life with her young husband that she had almost forgotten that the story was untrue. When it was time to disembark in Los Angeles and the false identity was no longer necessary, Buffy found herself a little lost inside. It was time to be Buffy again, fifteen year old ignorant new mother with no visible means of support, and she thought how much better it would have been to be that beloved young wife of the soldier she had spun her stories around.

Buffy sat down in Union Station and began to have serious doubts about her ability to pull this off successfully. She worried her bottom lip as she thought of all the things that could go wrong. There was so much uncertainty in her life now, could she actually be a real mother to this baby? Was she being trailed already? Would she be found out and forced back to New York and all the terrible consequences her mother had threatened to rain down upon her? She suddenly felt very small, very young, and very much alone. 

Lost in her dark thoughts, Buffy was caught by surprise by a tap on her shoulder. She leaped to her feet and whirled quickly around, letting out her breath in relief when she saw who stood before her. Her shoulders sagged as she mock-scowled her hello.

"Hey kid! Don't I know you from some place? It was that party last week at the Whiskey, right?" smirked the dark haired young woman standing before her.

Buffy rolled her eyes and smiled. "Hi Faith."

xxxx

"I called my mom yesterday, and she said Aunt Joyce had called to say you'd run away with your baby and no one knew where you'd run to."

"Oh God, you didn't say anything did you?"

"'Course not, B, I told you you're safe with me here. Geeze, give me some credit." Faith frowned. "Actually, my mom was more upset with Aunt Joyce than with you running off. 'How can Joyce be so cruel to her own daughter? What was she thinking, telling Buffy all that crap about giving up her kid and putting her in juvie', and on and on. It was hard to get her off the phone she was going on so much, you know how my mom can be when she gets going on a subject."

Faith took a long drag off her cigarette and rolled down her car window to flick the ash out of the car. "Anyway, no one has any idea you've managed to come out here and from what my mom said she doesn't think Aunt Joyce and Uncle Hank are going to be looking too hard for you. 'She made her bed, let her lie in it' seemed to be Aunt Joyce's big phrase according to my mom. But I wouldn't take any chances, just lay low and no one will know you're out here and you can start all over, clean slate." Faith looked over at Buffy holding the sleeping baby in her lap, and frowned, "Well, clean slate plus one, anyway."

"Thanks." Buffy mumbled. "How far is Sunnydale?"

"'Another hour or so. You hungry yet?"

"No, let's just get to your place. I could use a real bath and some sleep."

"Sure thing." Faith looked hard at Buffy, "But one thing though - you're getting up with short stuff, not me. I've gotta go to work early in the morning and I can't be getting up all night taking care of your kid. Okay?"

"Of course. I've got it covered. My kid, my responsibility. So far she's pretty quiet too." Buffy assured her. "She's a good baby."

"Yeah, okay. Hope you're right. I need my beauty rest you know?" Faith smirked. 

"Tell me about it," Buffy teased back, just ducking in time to avoid receiving a friendly smack to the back of her head.

"You can settle in for a few weeks, but eventually you're gonna need to work too, you know? Bring in some cash for food and stuff for the baby. I don't exactly make a lot of money at the auto shop and kids ain't cheap."

Faith glanced sideways at her cousin, and saw the sadness and fear in her features as she stared silently out the car window. "But hey, we'll do alright, don't worry. I know this girl who does housecleaning jobs for cash, she does pretty well for herself. I could hook you up with her, get you some work. Since it's all informal and cash and stuff, you wouldn't need to show ID or pay taxes or show up on anybody's radar or nothin'. It'd be enough for now."

Buffy thought about what Faith was saying and nodded with a small smile. That was another thing no one had ever told her about being a mom; that you'd take any crappy job you could get to keep you and your kid in food and shelter and be grateful for it.

Buffy looked long and lovingly at her sleeping little girl and sighed. Her own childhood had slipped away from her, and she had just now realized its passing. She was the grown-up now. She was mom. God help her.

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**Chapter Three**  
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**Warning: This chapter contains some discussion of sexual assault/rape. It is not graphic and is only a brief discussion. If you are sensitive to these issues please take this into consideration when reading this particular chapter.**

_**Where The Heart Is**_

As Faith drove into Sunnydale via the coastal highway, Buffy was impressed by the beauty of the California coast. Rugged trees overlooking the rocks and sand on the beaches below the cliffs added a wild charm to the breathtaking views of the Pacific Ocean. She could see what Faith saw in her chosen west coast home. As they continued to drive into the city they left the coast behind and entered Sunnydale proper. The ocean views were replaced by the small town charm of little stores, beautifully kept homes, and clean, tree lined streets. Just as Buffy was thinking that she could definitely see herself living here, Faith continued driving east into an area that was less with the charm and more with the run down industrial ambience.

_Well, this is depressing_, Buffy thought to herself., _but it's not too far from the other part so that's not too bad…  
_  
But Faith continued driving along a winding industrial road about another twenty minutes, past three cemeteries and a large park that had seen better days, until they reached the other side of the industrial area, and entered another older part of town where the run down houses and apartment buildings were interspersed with empty lots, liquor stores, bars, thrift shops, and auto repair and machine shops. It was hard to reconcile this seedy part of town with the charming little burg they entered from the coast highway. Buffy's spirits plummeted when she realized Faith was slowing down in front of an old three story brick building situated between a veterinarian's office and a thrift store, and parked directly in front of a bar.

"Welcome home, B," Faith grinned at her cousin.

Buffy had been staring disconsolately at a homeless man walking drunkenly down the mouth of a nearby alley when Faith's cheerful words penetrated her brain. _Home!_

Buffy turned toward Faith and frowned, "You live in a bar?"

"No, B! Above the bar, top floor!" Faith laughed. "See the door to the left there? It goes straight up to the second and third floors where the apartments are. No elevator though, that's the one bad thing."

_The __**one**__ bad thing?! _Buffy silently cried. _Oh. My. God. That guy is peeing in the alley_.

"Let's get your stuff upstairs and unpacked, then you can have that bath and nap you wanted." Faith, completely oblivious to Buffy's internal dialogue, opened her door and got the bags out of the trunk. "You need some help gettin' out?" she called back to Buffy when the latter had still not moved from her seat.

It was at this point that Buffy snapped out of her shock and awkwardly left the car with Katie fast asleep in her arms. She followed Faith up the steep staircase to the third floor, and into a rear-facing apartment. Faith put the bags down and turned to Buffy.

"It ain't much, but it's home. This here's the living room - pretty good size dontcha think? - and to the back left, that's the kitchen. That door way on the right is the hall. The bathroom's down at the left end of the hall, and my room's in the middle, and your room is to the right. There's four apartments on each floor so we get the east and southern sunlight since we're on the southeast corner here." Faith picked up the bags again and motioned Buffy to follow her down the little hallway to the right.

"Well, here's your room. Not much in it right now, but we can pick up some stuff by hitting the garage sales this Saturday, and the thrift store gets new shipments every Monday morning so the best stuff to pick from is there then. We can see what they have first thing Monday mornin'."

Buffy nodded her understanding as she looked around her new room, which had two fairly large old sash windows, sans curtains, on the far side of the room. It had a strangely patterned dark brown linoleum floor with no carpet. A fairly decent although hideous orangey/brown patterned futon sofa was against the right wall, and a little dresser stood next to it with the ugliest white ceramic table lamp Buffy had ever seen gracing it's top. A very small closet was on the near left side, and there were a couple of cardboard boxes with someone's stuff in them against the same wall.

Faith noticed Buffy looking toward the boxes. "Those are my ex's things he didn't come back for when he left coupla months ago." There was a sadness in her voice as she said this, and Buffy had the impression that the breakup was a source of real pain to her cousin. "He was an artist. Can you believe it? Me with an artist?! Man, shoulda known that wasn't gonna work out, huh?" Faith attempted to make light of a situation that had clearly broken her heart.

Buffy didn't know what to say to that, so she settled for a smile and a nod which she hoped conveyed her sympathy and understanding. Faith wasn't known for over-sharing her emotional traumas, and Buffy didn't want to seem too inquisitive until Faith was in a more sharing mode. She assumed alcohol would be involved at that point, if past experience was any indicator.

"I know it isn't much right now, no one actually lived in this room before, you know? Greg used to paint in here...But we'll get it fixed up more homey for you in no time." Faith smiled as she opened the closet up. "There're hangars in here, and the sheets and pillows for the bed over there are on the shelf here. Don't worry, they're all clean and stuff, and there's two blankets here too. Besides Greg painting in here, we sometimes had friends spend the night in here so it was kinda a guest room, you know?" Faith started making up the futon bed for Buffy. "You wanna go sit down a minute in the livin' room while I get the bed ready? Put the kid down? You must be wiped."

"Yeah, I really am. Thanks Faith." Buffy smiled at her cousin and wandered back to the living room sofa and sat down carefully.

_Nope, that won't work, _Buffy thought as her soreness from giving birth combined with her long sitting during travel finally overwhelmed her.

_Must. Lay. Down. Now._

Buffy carefully placed the sleeping baby on the seat of a faux leather-like recliner and then lay down slowly on the hard dark green sofa, using a throw pillow under her head. Another upholstered chair - in a strange blue-green fabric with seahorses all over it - sat in the opposite corner, and a coffee table and end table along with the mate of the ugly white lamp in the bedroom completed the living room furniture. There was also a large round shaggy green rug that covered most of the floor here, which was the same dark brown linoleum as the bedroom. It appeared the entire apartment had the same strange flooring. _God, it must get cold in here at night. _Buffy shivered. _Actually, it's kinda cold __**now**_. She reached up and pulled a brown and yellow granny-square afghan from the back of the sofa over herself and got to thinking about the differences between her life and Faith's.

Buffy's mother Joyce was her Aunt Darlene's younger sister. Where Joyce's entire life revolved around status and money and appearances, Darlene had been a wild child with an insatiable thirst for life, who dropped out of high school to live with her boyfriend. While Darlene went through husbands and boyfriends and tended bar for a living, Joyce graduated from college with a degree in art history and married Hank Summers, who would become a very successful attorney practicing international law. Darlene had one daughter, Faith, who she raised in ratty houses and apartments and exposed her to the seamier side of life and men; Joyce had two daughters, Buffy and her thirteen year old sister Dawn, and raised them in a beautiful suburban home in Westchester County New York and sent them to the finest private schools. Darlene was down to earth and friendly, but with a quick temper, a foul mouth, and a tendency to turn to drink more and more as the years rolled on. Joyce was cultured and polite and presented the picture of the perfect calm and collected society woman, with a tight smile that could cut steel when she felt one of her daughters had wandered too far afield from their perfect manicured life. Joyce's dirty little secret was that she too was turning to a bottle a little more than was good for her as her life carried on it's carefully planned course.

Faith and Buffy saw each other frequently over their short lives, as Darlene lived close by, although in a seedier area of the county, and they had bonded over their shared irritation at the women who mothered them. At two and a half years older than Buffy, Faith was seventeen when she decided she couldn't live with her mom's latest boyfriend, so she dropped out of school and ran off to California to get as far away as possible and start her own hopefully better life. Buffy missed Faith like crazy, but secretly the girls kept in close touch by letter and phone, and Buffy respected her cousin's wish to keep her actual location unknown to the rest of the family.

As for Buffy, when she turned fourteen she felt she couldn't take one more day of that perfectly planned and circumscribed life her mother had plotted out for her. She started hanging with a rowdier group of girls at school and soon was climbing out her bedroom window to sneak off to clubs and dances that she was really too young to be going to. A fake ID and a winning smile - along with a very sexy outfit - was usually enough to get Buffy and her friends into any club they wished to enter. Joyce eventually caught on to what Buffy was doing and there were some fantastic screaming matches between the two during that year. Hank was rarely home anymore, as he was traveling overseas for work frequently, and from what Buffy could hear of her parents too frequent fights, he was cheating on her mom with regularity.

And so it was that one day, in May of her freshman year of high school, that Buffy found herself pregnant. A couple of months later, her parents discovered the fact, and after the screaming died down, her father flew off to Europe again and her mother found a maternity home in the city in which she could stash Buffy so that with any luck none of her society friends would be the wiser about the 'embarrassment'. At this point Dawn just sniffed disapprovingly at Buffy and refused to speak to her any longer. Buffy often thought that Dawn was the perfect Stepford daughter for Joyce, and that Buffy was a huge disappointment to her. She rather thought all three of them were a disappointment to her father.

As Buffy drifted off to sleep, she was stricken with the thought that she was going down the same path her Aunt Darlene had so many years before. She loved Faith so much, but she did not want to raise her daughter the way Faith had been raised, nor did she want for her the life that Faith was now living. On the other hand, her mother's sterile existence of garden parties and club meetings was out of the question too. There must be a middle way, Buffy pondered, another way to live and raise my daughter so that she can be both free and happy, without ending up in a ratty apartment like this one someday. Another way...

xxxxx

About an hour later Buffy woke to the smell of spaghetti and garlic bread wafting from the little kitchen. She glanced over to the recliner and saw that Katie had been changed into a new jumper and blanket and was asleep again. _Thanks Faith, _Buffy silently sent out to her cousin. The new clothes must mean a diaper change too, Buffy thought. She looked at the clock and quickly figured she had about one hour before hunger would waken the sleeping infant again, so she got heavily to her feet and found Faith in the kitchen.

_Food. God, yes!_

Faith smiled brightly. "Just in time! Late lunch/early dinner. I changed the kid but the blanket and pajamas were all wet too so I dumped 'em in the laundry basket and put new ones on her. Then she just went back to sleep. You were so out of it you didn't even twitch the whole time she was cryin'," she laughed. "Sit down, let's eat!"

Buffy was famished, and tucked into her food hungrily. After most of the food was gone, Buffy noticed that Faith was eyeing her inquisitively as she ate.

"What?"

"Nothin'," Faith drawled. But then she seemed to think better of it and continued, "I was just wonderin' about the baby and all. Last I talked to you, you were still all virginal and didn't have a boyfriend or anything. Then - bam! Baby. So what happened, B? And where's the daddy in all this? If you don't mind talking about it, that is. I don't wanna upset you or nothin'." Faith seemed genuinely concerned, and Buffy hadn't really told anyone the truth before. Maybe she should tell someone. So Buffy began to trust Faith with her story.

"Nine months ago, my friend Amy and I snuck out to go to a party at an NYU dorm in the city. It was a good party, and we were having a good time at first, but then Amy's mom called her cell phone and so Amy had to leave to go home right away. I was stupid and told Amy that I'd go home in a bit since I was talking to this really cute guy and I didn't want to leave yet. Amy didn't want to leave me there but I had had some drinks and insisted on staying. So I really can't blame anyone else for what happened that night." Buffy stopped and stared down at her hands in her lap.

"What happened, B?" Faith was becoming very worried about the direction this story was going, and reached over and grabbed one of Buffy's hands and held on. Buffy continued, grateful for the support.

"I'd had some drinks, and later on I thought maybe someone put something in my drink too, because suddenly I was really dizzy and sleepy and needed to lay down. This guy I was talking to helped me into a dorm room and two other guys were in there too but that's the last thing I remember for a few hours. When I woke up I was on the bed...alone...and my dress was on me all twisted up...and...I was really sore...and you know...sticky...there... and I figured out that something must've happened to me with those guys when I passed out..." Tears were rolling down her cheeks now, and Faith moved her chair over next to her and put her arms around her shoulders as Buffy cried.

"I'm so sorry, B."

"Yeah," Buffy sniffed, and wiped her eyes and nose with a napkin. "I went home right away - this girl who lived there took me home - but I was just too scared and embarrassed to tell anyone what happened that night. I just wanted to forget it ever happened and just call it a learning experience and go on with my life, you know?" Faith nodded. "And that was working out okay, you know, I just decided to forget about it. Until a couple months went by and my period didn't come and I started getting sick and...and..." Buffy stopped again to blow her nose, "then I couldn't pretend anymore, couldn't forget...I took three home tests and they were all positive. God, I was sooo scared, Faith. You know my mom! She'd freak out, and I was fifteen! So I kept putting it off, telling her, you know, until one day she walked in on me undressing for bed and saw that I was starting to show and it was kinda obvious at that point and my mom just stared at me for the longest time. I mean, no words, no sound, nothing. We just kept looking at each other. Then she walked really slow, over to me and slapped my face really hard..."

**Flashback  
**  
Buffy stood in her room and brought her hand up to her cheek where her mother had slapped her and started to cry.

"Don't!" Joyce bit out. "Don't you dare cry, Buffy. Don't. You. Dare."

But Buffy just cried harder as she saw her mother's cold glare directed toward her. She wanted so much to throw herself in Joyce's arms and cry and beg forgiveness and have her mom hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay, she'd make it all okay. But it wasn't that mom that was staring icily at her right now. The mom looking back at her now was a cold stony woman with hate in her eyes. For the first time in her life Buffy was truly frightened of her mother.

"Slut." There it was. The word that stopped Buffy's heart. Such an ugly word and it came from her mother, the thing that deep down inside Buffy feared she had become. And suddenly there was no pain, just a cold icy numbness that centered itself in her heart and expanded outward until it became all that Buffy could feel. And yet the tears didn't stop, but Buffy hardly noticed them coursing down her cheeks any longer. She just watched her mother turn around and walk out of her bedroom and away from her forever. That was the beginning of the new terms of the relationship between mother and daughter.

Buffy slowly finished dressing in her pajamas, and then went to the top of the stairs to see what was happening down in the living room where she could see her mom standing talking animatedly with her father. Sharp angry words from her mother, punctuated with low angry growls from her father. She couldn't hear the words, but the body language told her that this did not look good for her. Suddenly her father looked up right at her. The angry cold expression on his face made Buffy back up a step in unconscious self-preservation. Her mother followed his line of vision, and called to her to get down there now. 

Regretting her decision not to lock herself in her room sooner, Buffy made her way down the stairs toward her unhappy parents.

**End Flashback  
**  
"That was a long night," Buffy shivered. "Dad left for another conference in South Africa, and mom made arrangements for me to go to a home for pregnant teenagers in the city. She said she wanted me away so no one would find out what I'd done and they could get rid of the baby as soon as it was born." Buffy looked quickly at Faith, "Get rid of to an adoptive family, not, you know, dead or anything."

Faith nodded and asked, "God B, that's horrible. Didn't she even consider not giving the baby away?"

"No, she wouldn't even have a conversation about it. She just wanted everything to go back to 'normal' again. 'Normal, normal, normal'. It's all I ever heard from mom the whole time I was pregnant. 'Get back to normal life and go on as if nothing happened.' The people at the home were big on adoption too, and kept telling me how I was young and needed to give Katie up to people who 'could give her everything she deserves.'" Buffy added sarcastically, "Everything but her own mother." She sighed as her tears slowed and she became calmer. "So I just thought, okay, I'll just be the baby machine here and when she's born I'll just hand her to these people - the Andersons - and get back into my own life and go on. I kinda kept going that way until she was born, and then...it was too much, Faith. She was so beautiful - in an ugly red wrinkly troll doll kinda way - and I just loved her right from the start. I made them let me hold her and mom freaked on me then. But then a nurse said something about having faith, and I thought of you, and well you know the rest..."

"And you never told your mom what happened to you?"

"No! That would have been even worse! I just told her I had an older boyfriend she didn't know and that he left me when I told him I was pregnant and she bought it completely. God, I couldn't tell her that I didn't even know who the father was! She probably woulda beat me to death or my dad would've."

"Yeah, but you were raped, B."

"So? It was still my fault for going there and drinking, and...they would've never forgiven me then, Faith. God, they won't really forgive me now...Anyway, I begged mom to let me keep her but she just refused, said I couldn't come home and that I was too young to live on my own and that the authorities wouldn't let me keep Katie unless I lived at home so I had no choice and had to sign the papers. I overheard them saying they were keeping me in the hospital for three days partly to recover and partly cuz there's a 72 hour rule about signing the adoption papers or something, so I had a lot of time to lay there and think about it and finally I decided to call you and ask you to help me keep Katie. If it wasn't for you, Faith, I don't know what I could have done. I love you so much!"

Buffy hugged Faith hard and kissed her cheek, then drew back and continued, "But you know the worst part now?" Faith shook her head, she couldn't really think of anything worse than what she'd already been told so far. "The worst part is that I had sex." Faith frowned quizzically. "I mean, I had sex for the first time. I lost my virginity Faith, and I don't even remember it. I'm not a virgin, but I don't even know what sex is like. It's so weird. I feel dirty and used and..."

"Shit." Faith's jaw dropped. This was worse than she thought. Imagine... "B, I can't say for sure what I would have done if that had happened to me, but I'm pretty sure it would have ended with me in jail for killing someone. Fuck!" Faith got up and started pacing the small kitchen. She turned to Buffy suddenly and forcefully declared, "But you have no reason to feel dirty Buffy! And that wasn't sex! That wasn't your first time!" Faith sat down and grabbed both of Buffy's hands in hers, "Hear me now, B. That. Wasn't. Your. First. Time. That. Was. Assault. Not. Sex." Faith pumped both her hands to emphasize her point. "Your first time hasn't happened yet, B. And it's gonna be just as special as it is for any girl, you got me? I'm serious, B. I'm pissed that you can't remember and that those jackoffs got away scott free, but in a way it's a good thing you can't remember. You shouldn't ever have to remember something like that. Ever!...Ever..."

Buffy was trembling by this time with the effort of self-control, but then the dam burst for real and she began to sob uncontrollably in Faith's arms. Faith held Buffy as her cries wound down, and there came a moment when Buffy felt safe and at peace for the first time in a very long while.

Katie's wakeful cries interrupted the quiet between the two cousins, and Faith called out, "Hang on a minute, Katie. Auntie Faith'll be right there." She turned to Buffy. "Why don't you go in the bathroom and wash up and get in your pajamas and I'll bring Katie in to you so you can nurse her in bed and go to sleep for a while. You look like you could use the rest now."

Buffy nodded and did as she was told, falling into sleep with her daughter by her side. A little later on, Faith came into her room with a dresser drawer lined with sheets and a small blanket and placed the now sleeping baby in it by her young mother's bedside. Faith watched them both sleeping peacefully for a few minutes, then closed the door and went to wash up the dishes.

There were a lot of decisions that would have to be made and life was going to be hard for them for awhile, perhaps for always. But for now, some peace and quiet was just what was needed. Faith vowed they would at least get that for now.

Tomorrow would take care of itself. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
_**Chapter Four**_  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Rude Awakenings**_

That first week in Sunnydale was a time when real life took a swing against hopeful fantasy and knocked it on it's ass. Buffy had thought that once she made it to California and to her cousin Faith her big problems would be over and things would settle quickly into place in their new life. So it was with astonishment that she felt like her world was crumbling over and over again her first few days there.

The first and foremost problem was that Katie cycled every four hours or so between the most adorable sleeping baby in the world to the most god-awful screeching banshee that the poor girl had ever heard. Buffy's entire existence narrowed down into desperately doing whatever it took to make the screeching stop as soon as possible, and getting enough rest became her one goal in life, one that she did not see herself achieving any time soon. She walked the walk of the living dead. The very poorly dressed, pudgy living dead. 

Which was problem number two: Amy had packed her things for her, and was able to find the jewelry, hidden money, photo album, and Mr Gordo the stuffed pig that she had been directed to, much to Buffy's grateful relief. However, she did not do nearly so well with the clothing. This was not entirely Amy's fault. Buffy had naively assumed that when you pop out a baby your figure would melt down to something closer to normal human size. Instead, she barely registered a difference between her pregnant figure and her post-pregnancy dimensions. None of the clothes Amy packed looked like they would fit her before they were hopelessly out of style. This left her with the maternity blouse and jeans she wore out of the hospital and a set of powder blue sweats. For a girl whose passion had been the latest fashions, it was rather like being consigned to the third circle of hell.

The combination of the stress of being a runaway, new motherhood, too little sleep, raging hormones, and clothes that made her feel like a thirty year old homeless woman, had Buffy teetering on the edge of her sanity. A few sudden and completely unexpected blow-ups had Faith circling her warily lest something set her off again.

Once Buffy realized her clothing options were unacceptable, she decided that she would simply stay behind in the apartment at all times until she had the figure to wear something decent she already owned out the door. However, that plan was shot to hell when she realized that this meant that Faith would be making all of the decisions on her furniture and clothing. Buffy had never given it much thought until she had seen Faith's decor, but she now wondered whether it were possible that Faith was colorblind. She could think of no other reason for the color scheme throughout the apartment, and after all, Faith did tend toward black and red in her wardrobe. The very thought of Faith coming back home with more of the same questionable choices spurred Buffy to rethink her stay-at-home plan.

So, first thing Sunday morning, the girls went shopping. Buffy still had about eight hundred dollars after paying for the train fare, food, and diapers during her escape from New York. She needed to make it stretch for awhile, until she felt strong enough to bring some money into the home herself. They picked up a new car seat to keep Katie safe while in the car, a baby bathtub, and some disposable diapers, wipes, and baby shampoo. Buffy felt bad about the prospect of living on Faith's meager earnings, and bought a little notebook in which to keep a careful tab of the items that Faith paid for, intending some day to be able to pay her back. Then they hit the three thrift shops in Sunnydale for used baby clothes, and bought some dresses, sweat pants, and t-shirts for Buffy that were not too terrible although still quite mortifying to the young girl. She began to understand Faith's choices by the time they were done shopping. Thrift stores, Buffy now understood, were the places hideous merchandise went to die.

They would wait for the weekend garage sales before buying furniture for the room or the baby, in hopes of getting better prices for better items sold by private parties. Surely, it couldn't be worse.

When they got home, Buffy put her new purchases away and shuffled over to the futon bed, laying herself down with a care for her aching muscles. Closing her eyes, she thought, _Well, there it is. I am now officially living in a country western song. Only thing missing is a trailer and a dog...and whiskey._

Katie immediately woke up and started winding up again in her little drawer-bed. _**Of course. **_Buffy began to cry. "Lunch for one, coming right up." Mother and daughter cried together that afternoon.

xxxxx

Faith left for work each day that week with a sense of tremendous relief. It was the first time she had ever looked forward to going to the auto shop instead of staying home. She wasn't used to being awakened at all hours by a squalling infant, and Buffy's short temper was getting on her nerves. The Great Baby Invasion was more stressful than she had imagined it would be, and she too longed for some much needed rest.

"Faith!" Frank bellowed.

Faith was brought out of a dazed trance by her boss's gravelly bellow from deep inside the storage room.

"Yeah!?" she turned and found Frank standing directly behind her. "Shit! Don't do that!" she backed up a step and glared at him. "Give me a heart attack why dontcha!"

The large man just frowned and barreled right into the problem of the moment. "This here order is for a hundred fifty alternators. Should be fifteen. And snow tires? I asked you to order all season radials. Pull it together Faith! Can't afford these kind of mix-ups in the inventory." He shoved the form into her chest and lumbered off to the service bays.

Faith stared glumly at his retreating back, and swore softly to herself. She hated this job, but she couldn't afford to lose it. However, she was barely conscious of what she was doing any more. She needed some uninterrupted sleep pronto.

One of the service mechanics overheard the exchange and quietly approached her. "Hey Faith."

"Hey Ed." Faith didn't even look up from her work.

Ed pulled up a chair and leaned in toward her personal space.

"Can I help you with something?" Faith asked slowly, as though speaking to a lunatic. Ed kinda creeped her out on a good day, but this up close and personal invasion of her space was new.

"Any time, sweetheart, just say the word," he smirked.

"In your dreams, Mercado." she snapped.

"Yeah, well, speakin' of dreams...you seem a little tired lately. Trouble sleepin'?"

"Uh-huh." Faith once again was focused on her task, hoping Ed would take a hint and get lost.

"Maybe I can help with that."

"You're married, and you're not my type. Give it up."

Ed laughed silkily, "Well, there's that. But I was thinkin' of something else to help you sleep." He pulled out a small bag of pills and displayed it beneath the desk, well hidden from prying eyes. "Guaranteed to help you get a good night's sleep."

Faith's eyes followed Ed's arm down to the little bag of pills he was offering her. She geared up to yell at him to get lost but found herself instead closing her mouth and actually contemplating the offer. She knew she couldn't maintain much longer on the job without decent sleep, but she also knew that sleeping pills were not without their own risks.

"Nu-uh. No thanks. I appreciate the offer, but I just need to get some sleep - the natural way - and I'll be fine. Thanks anyway." she watched as he pocketed the bag and stood to go.

"Okay, well if you change your mind, you know where to find me."

"Yeah, I'll do that. But I'm sure it won't come to that. Thanks again." Faith stared after him as Ed headed back into the service bays. No way was she going to start that shit. She just needed some real sleep. These nights couldn't last forever, and she'd just be sure to double-check her work for now. Everything was going to be fine.

xxxxxxx

An apartment unit situated over a bar, next to an alley, and to the side of a veterinary kennel offered few benefits to the residents, and peace and quiet was not usually part of the ambience. Where Buffy and Faith lived on the third floor, the noise from all three was somewhat lessened, although never completely muffled. However, for those unfortunates who lived on the second floor, the music, fighting, clanging of trashcans, and barking dogs was an ever-present background noise, and one grew used to it in much the same way as those who live near waterfalls cease hearing the water rushing past after a while.

It was in one of these second floor apartments that a small thin young woman with long mousy brown hair and nondescript clothing paced worriedly back and forth, wondering what on earth was happening upstairs. A baby, very young from the sound of it, had been crying nonstop for three and a half hours now, and the woman had become more frantic that it stop with each passing minute. There was something in a very young infant's cries that was akin to fingernails on a chalkboard, nature's way of making sure an adult somewhere met it's infant needs and shut it up. Somehow, nature's plan was not working this week, and the incessant howling was driving the young woman to distraction.

She was a very shy woman, and did not tend to stick her nose in other people's business, especially around here, and would have happily kept out of things were it not for the loud crash of a door slamming, followed by the deep sobbing that now could be heard coming from the apartment directly upstairs. Something wasn't right, and the young woman was now determined to find out what it was. If someone needed help, she could not sit there and ignore it any longer.

xxxxxx

By mid-morning, Buffy had finally given up making any attempt at quieting Katie down. Nothing worked - she was dry, fed, burped, and dressed comfortably with no pins sticking her anywhere, and all the singing, rocking, walking, and soothing in the world did not lessen her wails a bit. By ten-thirty, Buffy had finally lost it completely and greatly feared she might actually throw the baby against a wall to get her to shut up. In a panic, the young mother placed her infant in the drawer-bed, and ran from her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. The next half-hour was spent sitting against the far living room wall, on the floor, arms wrapped around her knees, and sobbing uncontrollably. She just knew that her daughter had somehow, instinctively, figured out she had the worst mother in the world and the very fact that she could even consider hurting Katie to quiet her was all the proof that Buffy needed to prove her right.

_Oh God, oh God, oh God, _she chanted silently over and over again, rocking back and forth and sobbing as though her very world had ended.

Suddenly, there came a loud knock-knock-knock on the other side of the door. Buffy startled, stopped her chanting, stared in terror at the door, and held her breath. Someone was here! Who would come here?! Who would knock!? She only knew Faith, no one had any reason to knock on the door... Unless... Someone called the police... Someone had heard the crying and called the police and now Buffy was going to be discovered not only as a runaway and delinquent and possible kidnapper, but also as a horrible person who couldn't even get her own baby to stop crying, a person who had actually thought of throwing her own baby against a wall...

_Oh God, oh God, oh God, _the internal chanting started up again.

Buffy rose shakily to her feet and listened to hear if the person had given up and gone away. Knock-knock-knock. Buffy jumped. There it came again!

_Oh God..._

"Hello? Please open the door. I'm just the tenant from the apartment right below yours, and I heard all the crying and all and I was just wonderin' if there was anything I could do to help," the Voice on the Other Side of the Door called out.

Buffy remained completely still, not daring to breathe.

The Voice continued, "Really. I'd like to meet you, and perhaps I could help a bit. If you want. I don't want to intrude or anythin'. But I have a little boy, he's five now, and so I've had a little baby to take care of before, so I was thinkin' maybe you could use a hand. With the baby. A-and since we're neighbors and all, perhaps it would be nice to have a new friend. If you want. I don't want to interfere or anythin'..."

Buffy remained absolutely still.

"Um...Well, I guess I'll go then. I live in apartment 2C, right below yours, if you change your--"

Buffy unlocked the door and opened it to see the young woman nervously wringing her hands and babbling away in the doorway.

"...mind."

They stood there for a moment, and the young woman smiled at Buffy and offered her a handshake. "Hi. My name is Fred."

Buffy's lower lip began trembling and tears started up anew. "I'm Bu-bu-bu-bu-fee-ee-ee.."

"Oh sweetie." Fred smiled sympathetically, and shut the door softly. She pulled the young girl into her arms, and led her over to the sofa. "It's gonna be all right."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Author's Note: There is method to my madness. Laying the groundwork is important in my story, and I have no intention of rushing things at this point. Please be patient, sit back, and enjoy the tale while it wends it's way to spuffiness. Remember, life is about the journey, not the destination. (But there is a destination, I swear!)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Five**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Getting to Know You**_

Fred shut the door softly behind her and took Buffy into her arms, leading her to the sofa. "Oh sweetie, it's gonna be alright." Fred handed her a gob of tissues from a box on the coffee table, keeping her arm around Buffy's shoulders, and waited for the poor thing to calm a bit.

Buffy was still shuddering, tears falling freely, when she turned to face Fred. "I didn't want to hurt her..I didn't want to hurt her...I wouldn't hurt her, I **wouldn't**..." she shook her head back and forth. "I wouldn't..."

Fred's level of concern ratcheted up, but she schooled her face to hide it. "I know you wouldn't honey. You're a good mother." She glanced around the room quickly, and then caught the faint cries of the baby in the background somewhere. "Where **is **the baby, sweetie?"

"I didn't want to hurt her..." Buffy shook her head vigorously.

"I know, I know, sweetie." Fred squeezed her hand gently. "And where is the baby now?"

"In..in..the dra-wer. I..I put her in the drawer." Buffy nodded in a childlike manner. She felt as though she finally could stop being the grownup now, a real grownup had arrived to make everything all right again. Fred would've found it adorable, if she hadn't been so worried about what may have happened to the baby. Her prior concern had now wound itself up into actual fear. _Where!?_

"You shut the baby in a drawer?" Fred put her whole self into remaining calm and helpful on the outside, while inside she was dreading what she might find in this little apartment today.

"Yes, in the drawer." Buffy nodded, then frowned at her statement, "Not **shut **in the drawer, the drawer is her bed right now. In my bedroom," she clarified, trying to control her crying and accept whatever help this strange woman was offering her.

Fred allowed herself to relax a little bit, and asked, "Is it okay if I go see the baby for a minute? I'll come right back, okay? I just want to see how she's doing in there, okay?"

Buffy gave another childlike nod and pointed to the hallway door, "It's on the right side at the end. I shut the door so I wouldn't hear anymore..." She trailed off, and looked down at her hands in her lap as sadness enveloped her. She just knew she was a bad mother.

"Okay, then I'll be right back."

Fred went down the little hall and opened the door to peek into the room where Katie was still crying uncontrollably but not as loudly as before. From where Fred stood the child seemed to be fine, and she left quickly and closed the door again, returning to where Buffy still sat on the sofa with her legs curled under her. Buffy seemed a little calmer already, so that was a good sign.

"She's still crying, but she seems okay in there right now." Fred reassured the girl as she took her seat again. "She sure is a cute little thing. What's her name?"

"Katharine. Katie." Buffy said quietly, her tears finally having stopped and the exhaustion returned full force.

"That's a beautiful name." Fred smiled softly, and watched as the girl before her just seemed to deflate and lose all energy now that the panic and sobbing that had animated her lost it's force. "You did exactly the right thing today, Buffy."

Buffy glanced up sharply. "I did?"

"Yes. If you have a day like this one, where you are just so desperate that you don't think you can help yourself from doing something you'd regret, you just remember to do what you did today. Put the baby somewhere you know she'll be very safe, and then get yourself a little away from her until you can calm down enough to handle things again."

"Really?"

"Yes. Of course, you need to stay close by, you can't leave her alone in the apartment or anythin', but putting her in her bed all safe and closing the door so you can get yourself together in another room is the right thing to do. A little chilling out time for you." she assured her gently. "What happened today is very common for new mothers. The early weeks are very hard on us moms. Makes us doubt our sanity a bit. But we get through em, and so do the babies." Fred nodded reassuringly.

"Wow. I actually did something right," Buffy said wonderingly. She became lost in her own thoughts for a moment.

Fred contemplated how best to help this obviously very young mother of a baby who looked only days old. It would be noon in about thirty minutes, and she'd have to go pick up her own child from the kindergarten five blocks away. Whatever she did, she'd need to do it quickly.

"Okay, here's the thing with babies. They smell fear."

Buffy frowned in puzzlement. "They do?"

"Yes. Well, not exactly **smell **it, like animals do. But they get nervous if **you're** nervous, and the more nervous **you** get the more nervous the **baby** gets, and pretty soon you're looping a whole lot of nerves there, and you get days like this one." Fred thought a moment. "Or it could be gas," she nodded wisely. "But I kinda think it's the nervous thing this time. You burp her after she eats?"

Buffy nodded, "Yeah, always."

"Then it's probably the nerves. What we have to do is get her to settle down and feel more secure. And get you settled down and feeling more secure too. It's hard when you're new at all this and you haven't had any sleep, I know how that can be," she smiled helpfully. "I have a few tricks I learned the hard way. Would you mind if I tried to settle Katie down for you, get her calmer so she could perhaps nurse, or go to sleep?"

Buffy nodded quickly, relief flowing into her upon hearing Fred's offer. "God yes! Please, if you can get her calmed down that would be so great!"

Fred smiled and told Buffy to relax a minute and she'd see what she could do. 

xxxx

Upon entering the bedroom and making herself known to Katie, Fred noted that the infant increased her cries again. Fred spoke silly baby talk to her while she examined her to see if she needed a diaper or clothing change, but seeing all was fine in those areas she grabbed a nearby baby blanket and set it on the bed. Picking up Katie, she placed her on the blanket and wrapped her very snugly within it's folds, and then carried her close to her chest. Katie calmed down immediately, and for the first time in almost four hours, the wailing ceased.

Fred held her for a little while, to see if she would go to sleep, but Katie still fussed a little bit in her arms and rooted for a breast. "I'll bet it's lunchtime for you, isn't it sweetie? Let's see if we can rustle up some grub for you."

xxxx

When Fred walked back into the living room with a tightly wrapped bundle of quiet-Katie, Buffy was both relieved and a little jealous. But mostly relieved.

"How did you do that?!" she mouthed a silent question.

"Experience. Days like this of my own," Fred whispered back. "Let's try to get her fed so she can sleep and so can you."

Buffy nodded, and went to take Katie from Fred's arms. Fred stepped back a bit, and warned her in a tight whisper, "Remember, no fear. If you don't feel confident, fake it. She's a baby, she won't know. Pretend you're a superhero, and you've been sent in to save the town from some monster or other. And you can't let the monster know you're afraid." Fred nodded at her. "Act it, become it."

Buffy smiled at the silly image of her as superhero, straightened her back and nodded more forcefully. "Cover me. I'm going in!" she whispered as she went to take Katie back again.

xxxx

Katie nursed her fill and fell asleep doing so. Buffy had never been so relieved at the sight of anything in her life, as she was at those two little eyes drifting shut. She placed the baby back in her little drawer-bed, and returned to tell Fred goodbye. It was ten after twelve, and the young woman couldn't stay a minute longer or she'd miss her own child's dismissal from school.

"Thank you sooo much!" she hugged Fred tightly. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't shown me how to do that."

"I'm glad I could help. Now you get some sleep, and we can talk again sometime soon, get to know each other better. I have other magic tricks I can do too!" she laughed, then remembered another bit of advice. "Oh! Speaking of tricks, she likes being wrapped snugly too. Makes her feel secure. You could try doing that - she reacted really well to being wrapped tightly in her blanket, fussed a lot less right away."

Buffy nodded, and began to feel as though she might be able to do the whole mom thing after all. Thanks to Fred, she had two new baby-tricks to use with Katie, and her instincts seemed to be right on track. Knowing she wasn't a bad mom meant the world to her right now.

They agreed together that they would talk at Fred's apartment on Friday morning, have tea and get better acquainted. Fred left that day knowing she'd done the right thing in going up there that morning. Buffy thought the same thing as she drifted off to sleep, feeling better than she had in quite a while.

It was wonderful to have the possibility of a friend again.

xxxx

Faith came home that evening with good news. A guy at work had come through with an excellent quality fake California ID for Buffy to use. The new birth date made her eighteen now, so she wouldn't get picked up for truancy if she was out during school hours and could whip it out to show anyone who required an ID for something. The New York fake ID would have stood out like a beacon here in little Sunnydale. Now she could blend.

The fake ID came from a man that Faith saw as potential boyfriend material. He had done the job at the request of a guy at work whose brother-in-law he was, and when he'd dropped the ID off for Faith they got to talking and discovered they had interests in common. Faith was excited at the prospect of seeing him again, and they'd made a date for lunch this Friday. Buffy was glad to see Faith so happy again. The sadness that tinged her demeanor the last week had now given way to cheerful hope, and things seemed to be looking up for both girls once again.

Buffy told Faith all about her day too - leaving out the grim panic that set in, and skipping to the part where she met Fred and felt she had found a friend in the young woman downstairs. Faith hadn't met Fred yet, as she kept to herself somewhat, and had made no real effort to meet her neighbors. She was happy, though, that Buffy had found another young mother to share with. Faith knew next to nothing about kids.

Since Faith had had to work late that day, Buffy had attempted dinner. Unfortunately, she only knew how to cook ramen, toast, and cereal. Since neither seemed very appetizing at the moment, she'd ordered pizza. 

"Tomorrow's Thanksgiving," Buffy noted as she dug into a slice.

"Yeah." Faith ate silently, staring out the kitchen window.

_Hmm, non-response. Try again. _"Well, do you do anything for Thanksgiving?" she tried for hopeful enthusiasm, but it sounded to her ears a little like whining. _Damn, have to work on that. Faith hates whining.  
_  
Faith turned back to Buffy, "Nah, not really. Last year I was with my mom so we did turkey day with your folks, remember? But now, I guess I hadn't really thought about it." She frowned. "You don't wanna do anything, do you? Cuz, I don't really cook like that, and it's kinda late to plan somethin'..."

"No, no. No problem," she quickly reassured her cousin. But Buffy was disappointed; she loved turkey. "I just wondered if I should be preparing for anything is all. I'm still wiped out from the last week and only have fat things to wear, so I'm good right here." She paused. "It's just..." she trailed off and looked somewhere else, anywhere but at Faith, "I love turkey!" Now she felt like a silly little girl. _And there go the tears again! Damn! Hormones __**suck. **__  
_  
This was a development that took Faith by surprise, although in retrospect she felt she should have expected it. Buffy was still a kid at her core, and was looking at Faith like the adult here. And adults took care of things like holidays, and cooking, and_...Dammit!_

"Well, I **could** pick something up at the North Beach deli," Faith offered reluctantly. "I saw they were doing turkey and stuff to take out. If they still have some to sell, it's kinda late." Buffy's relieved smile was a welcome sight, even though it meant Faith would have to pull off this thing last minute. "I'm not sure about all the fixin's, but I think I might be able to get some turkey and stuffing for tomorrow. We could, you know, just keep it all informal and stuff, no big dinner to prepare or nothin'. That'd prob'ly be easier for you too, you know?" she nodded optimistically. _Please say yes, please say yes.  
_  
"That sounds perfect! Thanks Faith." Buffy hugged her cousin for what seemed to Faith about the hundredth time in the last week. She endured it as best she could - she was not really a touchy-feely type girl outside of the sack - but thought that soon she would have to see about getting her to hold back a bit on the hugging. It was getting on her nerves.

All Buffy saw in Faith's demeanor was a promise and a smile. Faith would come through for her again, she just knew it. And Buffy smiled happily right back at her and snagged another slice.

xxxx

Friday morning Buffy and Fred settled in to talk over tea and cookies in Fred's living room. Katie was fast asleep on the bed in the next room.

Fred explained that she was married to Gary, and they had a little boy named Stevie who attended kindergarten in the mornings. Since it was a holiday, however, Stevie was on a play date down the street with a boy from his class, and the girls had the apartment to themselves for a few hours. They came to Sunnydale recently from Texas, when Gary got his new job. They were still trying to get on their feet from Gary being out of work for a couple of years in Texas. This was their new start in a new place. Fred was homesick a lot of the time, and wanted to return to Texas. Gary was pretty determined to make it work here, however. So here they stayed.

While Fred prepared the tea, Buffy took a look around her home. It was clean and simply decorated, with a definite casual country theme. _Maple and plaid. It's a look. _Buffy stopped dead still. _Said the girl with no home and no money. Nevermind. It's perfect.  
_  
In one corner was a sewing machine and a pile of what looked like assorted mending. A dressmaker's dummy stood to one side with a skirt on it. Apparently Fred was a seamstress...

"Here we go!" Fred chirped happily as she brought in the tea tray and set it on the coffee table. "How do you like your tea?"

Buffy was new to the whole 'having tea' thing, and didn't know it came with choices. There was sugar on the tray. Sugar had to be a good choice, right? Iced tea had sugar and she liked that.

_Stop obsessing. There's no right or wrong answer here. __**Choose**_ "Some sugar would be good."

Fred smiled and prepared a tea cup for Buffy and one for herself as her guest settled down on the sofa next to her.

"So, Gary works on the oil rigs?" Buffy sipped her tea.

"Yeah, he goes out to the platform and stays on a week, then comes home for a week. It's weird having him gone all week, then just hanging out at home for the next week. Hard to get into a schedule and all. But the money's pretty good, and there's health benefits." She nodded. "It's good." The words were right, but the delivery carried a sadness behind it. Buffy felt she didn't know Fred well enough to pry, but decided she was going to pay attention and see what lay behind this. "He was on last week and this week too. He's covering for another man who had to go back home for a funeral. So, no Gary two whole weeks. Like I said, it's kinda weird sometimes."

"I guess it would be, getting used to that in and out schedule." Buffy nodded toward the sewing corner. "You sew?"

"Oh, yeah, since I was a little girl. I started out with Barbies, you know, and then my own clothes. Now I take in sewing from a coupla dry cleaners in town. Folks come in, they need a hem in new pants or a skirt, or to take in the waist, or let it out. That kind of thing. Get paid by the job, with a cut to the dry cleaners for the referral. It's just egg money."

Buffy didn't know what to say to that. _Egg money? What's 'egg money'?_

Fred noticed her confusion. "That's just an expression, from when women would make money for themselves to keep, aside from the family income, by selling eggs from their own chickens. That's kinda what I do, except it's hems, not eggs."

"You make your own clothes?"

"Well, mostly I buy them, but I have made some skirts and pants to wear sometimes. I don't really know what to make, I'm not really much with fashion or anythin'. My tastes are pretty simple. Jeans and t-shirts mostly." Fred paused and decided to ask some questions of her own. "How about you? Where's home for you?"

Buffy considered lying, and felt terrible about it. She liked Fred and didn't want to lie to her about anything. Yet, she couldn't afford to let her situation become known as that was step one to seeing the authorities knock on your door and take you away. Lie it was then.

"Well, I'm eighteen and used to live on the east coast. I got pregnant with Katie and decided when she was born that I wanted a new start and my cousin Faith said I could live with her for awhile, so here I am." Buffy smiled charmingly.

Fred was disappointed that Buffy was lying to her, but decided to let it go for now. Women didn't just travel three thousand miles to make a 'fresh start' with a days old baby right before Thanksgiving. And the 'east coast' was kinda vague. And she didn't look eighteen. _But 'cousins' seems sincere, and is very good. Not that I'd have minded if they were a couple, but at least now I won't have any 'but they're lesbians!' drama from Gary.  
_  
"You look younger." Fred tried.

"I get that a lot." Buffy covered. "It runs in my family. My mom was carded until she was thirty." _See, lying isn't so hard. And you have good reasons. No need to feel guilty.  
_  
_Okay. Guess we'll leave that for later. _Fred sighed. "How're you and Katie getting on now? You seem much more relaxed today."

"Oh God, you saved my life the other day! Katie and I are doing so much better since you came over. I just don't know how to thank you for doing that."

Now here was truth. "It wasn't anythin' sweetie. We moms have to stick together and help each other out. Goodness knows our men aren't much help!" she laughed.

Buffy decided to avoid the whole 'men' topic, as it would inevitably lead to 'who's the father?' conversation, so she looked over at the sewing corner again. "I used to make Barbie clothes too when I was little. We didn't really sew at our house, though, so I never took it any further," she turned back to Fred.

_And the subject of men is deftly averted, _Fred mused_. There's a story there, but if I push it she'll turn tail and run for sure.  
_  
"Would you like me to show you how?" Fred offered.

"Seriously? You'd do that?" Buffy exclaimed. "I can't bear to wear these horrible clothes, but they're all I can afford. And I'm _so_ fat right now," she added miserably.

_Ah, common territory again! And definitely younger than eighteen. _"Sure, I can do that. And don't worry about the weight. You've just had Katie, your body still has to adjust back to normal yet. Keep breastfeeding her, eat good healthy food, and start exercising in a couple of weeks and you'll be yourself again in no time. You just have to give yourself a little time, yet. You'll see. Your metabolism is probably working like a house afire!"

That was heartening news, although the word 'metabolism' was giving her a little trouble. Buffy decided right then she'd do whatever it took to get back to her figure again. She was fifteen, a runaway, an unwed mother, had no job and almost no money, and her only family here was Faith. She wasn't going to be fat too, she just _couldn't_ be fat, too. The trailer and the whiskey flitted through her head again. _No!_

"You know," Fred offered, "we can alter the clothes you have into something you're more comfortable wearing. It wouldn't be that hard."

"Seriously? You know how to do that?"

"Sure. But you'd have to decide what it is you want it to be. Like I said, I don't know much about what's fashionable."

"I could totally do that! I could go see what girls are wearing here, do some window shopping, get some magazines..." Buffy mused more to herself than to Fred. "And I could help you too! To know what's fashionable, if you want."

Fred was taken aback. She wasn't too sure that putting herself in the hands of Buffy's so far unknown fashion sense was a wise idea. And she really didn't follow fashion anyway.

Buffy realized her mistake immediately and backed up quickly. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean that to sound like that. You dress fine, and like you said, you're about jeans and t-shirts and I am sooo bad for saying anything like that and I'm just gonna shut up and drink my tea like a good girl right now." She took a big gulp and tried not to look toward where Fred was sitting. 

Fred smiled indulgently at the poor girl. _Put her out of her misery, quick! _"I wasn't offended, honey. I just don't really follow fashion or anythin'. But I'd be interested to see what you thought might look good on me, if you want. We could call it a trade, of sorts. I teach you to sew, and you teach me what's the big deal about fashion for an old Texas farm girl like me." She reached over and squeezed Buffy's hand. "That sounds fair to me."

Buffy smiled gratefully, and they agreed to do just that. Buffy vowed to herself that first thing Monday morning, she'd get to the mall and do some window shopping and find out what fashion was about on the west coast.

It was time for Fred to pick up her son from his play date, so the girls hugged goodbye and Buffy retreated to her apartment just as Katie was waking up for her own lunch. She sat down on the sofa to nurse her and gazed at her little girl with so much love she thought her heart might burst.

"We're gonna be fine here, Katie. We had a rough start, but we're gonna be okay. Mommy's gonna take good care of you, and make you proud of her, too. I **promise." **_Dammit, Buffy. You can stop crying __**any time **__now!  
_

xxxx

It was Monday afternoon, and Buffy had at last made her way to the Sunnydale Mall. That had been a major project in itself. Juggling Katie's feeding schedule, balancing the stroller with a diaper bag, and doing all this while catching and riding the bus across town was a job of work. The experience was overwhelming and she almost didn't get off the bus again when it stopped at the mall. Just staying put and letting it take her back to her neighborhood was very tempting. Remembering what she was stuck wearing right now was the motivation she needed to get her going again. No _way_ was she going to wear these horrible clothes any longer than necessary.

She walked through the mall for a while, going into all of the shops catering to young women, and seeing what was 'in' in Sunnydale this season. There was a lot that she didn't like much, but also quite a few dresses and tops that she thought she could pull off without much difficulty, using the materials she had at hand. She was heartened by what she saw today, and buoyed by her conversation with Fred, she thought she was going to go from fashion victim to casual chic in no time at all. She even looked through the sole baby store to get some ideas for Katie's clothes. No daughter of hers was going to wear rags while her mother dressed well. She also kept an eye out for things she thought Fred would be comfortable wearing. She was determined to repay Fred for all her kindness by coming up with some clothes that would make her 'pop' without making her cringe, although she had to admit that was a narrow range to work within.

She stopped to nurse Katie at a back table at the food court just as the high school crowd made an appearance after school. _Damn! _She'd meant to leave before high school let out, but apparently hadn't kept proper track of the time. She worked hard to look like a housewife doing some shopping as she knew such a woman would be nothing more than background scenery to these kids. She could _not_ be seen as a peer of these girls when she was this unattractive and ill-clothed, with a baby attached to her tits. She loved her baby and didn't regret her decisions, but there was enough of the high school girl in Buffy to be mortified at the sight she made this afternoon. 

She buttoned up and put the now sleeping baby in her stroller, careful to cause no attention to come her way.

_Please God, don't let any older women walk by and demand to talk about Katie. Not now._

She carefully moved away from the food court and headed toward the exit.

_Good, just a little way more, keep it cool, don't cause any attention. Just stay in the background.  
_  
_Shit! _Here came another young couple walking toward her. She ducked down into a seat nearby and leaned over the stroller as though she were looking for something, waiting for the couple to walk by.

_They stopped to kiss!_

Buffy didn't know why she was so panicky, more so than the occasion called for surely.

_Wow. That's a long kiss. And the guy's kinda hot. Damn!  
_  
Buffy glanced up at the boy in front of her. He had the most shocking blond hair she'd ever seen on a man, a color that did not come in nature. Most guys couldn't pull it off, but it looked good on him. She couldn't see more than the side of his face, but loved the coat. 

_Okay, breathing must be an issue by now. Stop kissing and move __**on**__!  
_  
The couple broke the kiss, the boy putting his arm around his girl and pulling her forward down the walkway again. She watched their backs as they moved further into the mall, away from her. Buffy was both relieved and saddened as she watched them walk away. Somehow she had managed to go from 'too young to date' right into 'no longer date material'. She wanted to be the girl wrapped in the arms of the hot young guy in the killer coat. She wanted to be the girl he looked at like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. She wanted to be **her. **

And she never would be.

xxxxxxx

Thank you everyone who has left me a review. They do my heart good. I really do appreciate all your kind words, every one of them. Thanks! And if you're still reading this, please leave a review. They leave me all tingly and itching to write even more.

Sara


	2. Chapter 6 thru 10

The Song Remains the Same

By Sara M

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Author's Notes: I know that some of my gentle readers are concerned that this is not fluffy and wonder whether this story will have a less than friendly Spike in it's future or be unredeemingly bleak. I can't reveal to you where we are going as I believe it detracts from the story as it unfolds naturally, even though I know that some of you find it difficult to wait. I can promise that although it is not fluffy, and does contain some difficult subjects - violence, abuse, rape, hard bumps in the road, etc - that the end will not be bleak and the times are not all terrible and depressing. I don't think I am going to be writing anything gratuitously violent or grim. I am bringing the characters along as they are, neither all good nor all bad, and I can assure you that no major character in this story falls on one side entirely or the other. The problem I do have, though, is that I plot this story out and then start to write, but almost immediately I find myself watching the characters play out their parts in their scenes, and they tend to take over and diverge from where I thought they were going to go. They are stubborn and very willful like that. I don't always know what they are going to do. Anyway, I hope you'll stick around and trust me on this one. Thank you to all who leave reviews, they are water to a thirsty girl.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Six**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Home Fires**_

The night of the 'field trip' to the Sunnydale Mall, Buffy lay awake in bed thinking about the kids she hid from that afternoon. They were carefree girls, shopping and eating and teasing and talking about boys and what to wear to the next party. This last year she had suffered through and experienced things she had never even considered previously, and was a different person here at the other end of it. But today she was reminded that, not so very long ago, she was one of those girls. Once upon a time, she had had such friends, and all the time in the world to be young and silly and extravagant and carefree. Her life then had revolved around beautiful clothes and cute boys and sneaking out to parties. She thought she'd been at the start of her life then. How did it so suddenly become the end of it instead? A few months, that's all it was, just a few months.

Today, her world was constricted by feeding schedules, diaper changes, mystery stains, and some how/some way, finally getting enough sleep.

_Sleep! I'd better stop this pity party and get some before cranky miss wakes up again!  
_  
Buffy turned over on her futon and tried to will herself to slumber. But when her eyes closed, the blond boy with the leather coat appeared before her, deeply kissing his girlfriend right there in the mall in the middle of the afternoon before God and everybody. Intense, single-minded, concerned only for the kiss, the girl, that moment in time. She carried the deep impression within her that today she'd glimpsed a moment in the life of someone who was absolutely, thoroughly, unapologetically **alive**.

Had she ever been alive like that? **Could** she ever be?

_Argh! Sleep, dammit! You want to be alive, you're gonna need some sleep!  
_  
She punched her pillow and turned back over. Closed her eyes.

_That was a __**great**__ coat.  
_  
_Sigh._

xxxxxxxx

Buffy's head was swimming with ideas of what clothes she wanted to re-make for herself and for Fred. The mall trip had given her so many ideas. Faith had said her ex was an artist, and her room still had some boxes of things he'd left there, so Buffy decided that possession being nine tenths of the law and all, she was free to see if there was anything there she could use for herself. She'd look first, and if anything looked promising, she'd ask Faith if she minded Buffy using it. After all, he was Faith's ex, not Buffy's, and she didn't think Faith would take kindly to her appropriating the things without permission. She rifled through them and found, among other less interesting items:

A clock radio/CD player (great! for that far off future time when I actually **want** to wake up again!)  
An Exacto-blade kit  
Some unopened artist's clay  
Drawing pad with half of the pages still left  
Drawing pencils and artist's crayons and chalk

These were a great find and Buffy couldn't wait to ask Faith if she could use them. It'd be hours before Faith came home though, so she decided to use a couple pages of the paper and the pencils & crayons to sketch some ideas that wouldn't stop clamoring to come out of her head and onto the blank page. She thought Faith would understand. Faith wouldn't mind letting her have these things. They were just sitting there, after all.

xxxxxxx

Dinner.

_Well, if you only defined 'dinner' as the evening meal, then I suppose this is 'dinner', _Faith thought morosely. 

Buffy had, once again, cheerfully placed toast and scrambled eggs on the table for their evening meal. She was, in fact, quite giddy that she had _not_ burned the eggs this time, and Faith had to admit the toast was perfect. Buffy had just recently been trying out new things to cook, and eggs seemed to be a big favorite of hers. Although she had attempted other egg recipes - if you could call them that - it was only the **scrambled** eggs she seemed able to get to the plate without some unfortunate incident. Although Buffy was quite proud of her scrambled eggs, Faith thought that her success with them had more to do with the fact that the actual **scrambling** was inherent in the dish itself.

It was now two weeks until Christmas, and the home front was proving a strain on Faith's patience. She realized it wasn't fair, that Buffy was just a kid and still getting little sleep and completely consumed by taking care of Katie, but dammit, the girl could at least pick up after herself sometimes. Faith was tired of coming home after working all day to an apartment that looked like it had been left in the hands of a pack of trolls. There were wet towels on the bathroom floor. There was art paper and pencils scattered upon every table and chair. There were cloth diapers **everywhere **- clean ones, ones with spit up on them, ones used to wipe up mystery substances, dirty ones in the diaper hamper in the bathroom or in the bag waiting by the door for the diaper service pickup. Some days there wasn't a clean dish in the house. And forget ice cubes - Buffy **never** remembered to re-fill the trays.

Katie slept a little longer at a stretch - now she was nursed at 10 p.m., and didn't wake up again until 3 a.m. to eat some more. Sometimes Buffy wouldn't even hear her crying - how! how! how! can you not hear that screeching two feet away from your head for God's sake!? - and then Faith would have to get up and shake the girl hard until she wakened and took care of business. After which, fully awake now, Faith would stumble back to bed and try to sleep again before her alarm went off at 6 a.m.. 

Faith decided then and there that she was **never** having kids. Seriously. Never.

"Sooo, how was your day?" Buffy asked breezily as she sat down to eat.

Faith thought she sounded like 'the little woman', asking her husband how things went at the office. That thought was so disturbing that Faith tried to banish it immediately. It refused to leave.

"Different day, same ole shit." Faith groused as she buttered her toast.

Buffy put down her fork. "Ewww," she frowned.

"Don't start, Buffy," Faith fired her warning shot.

"Sorry. It's just, you know, dinner and everything. Didn't need that visual." Buffy rolled her eyes and picked her fork back up.

Faith was starting to get pissed. "And how did we wind up as Ozzie and Harriet anyway?" she snapped.

Buffy stopped eating again. "What?"

"And if we **are** doing this whole nineteen fifties happy couple scene, could you at least **pretend** to do the housecleaning? I can be Ozzie if you want, but you'd better damned be Harriet!"

Buffy was thoroughly confused now. "Huh?"

"And I know everyone thinks Ozzie was all mister nice guy, walking around in those sweaters and making sure everyone was happy all the time, giving fatherly advice, but I don't **think** so! I'll bet he wasn't all sweet and understanding when the cameras turned off! No, not at all! And don't you think for a minute that I wouldn't put you over my knee and **spank** some sense into you if things don't start changing around here!"

Faith threw her toast down on the table and marched out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

Buffy was stunned.

_Did she just threaten to __**spank**__ me?  
_  
xxxxxxx

It was gone 2 a.m. before Faith wandered back to the apartment, drunk. What lay on the other side of that door was anyone's guess, so she steeled herself and opened it to find -- a clean room. Several clean rooms to be exact. Kitchen, living room, bathroom, all had gotten a good once over and everything was in it's place.

Faith opened the door to Buffy's room and just watched the two girls sleeping soundly side by side. She had to smile at the sound of the light snores coming from the bed. Buffy or Katie? Hmmmm. Buffy.

She shut the door quietly and went to bed. She was asleep as soon as she hit the pillow.

xxxxx

Next morning, Faith woke heavily to a respectable hangover. She arose slowly and padded into the kitchen, keeping her eyes scrunched against the light that was stabbing directly into her brain.

_Coffee. _She poured herself a cup from the fresh batch waiting there and popped some aspirin.

Buffy sat at the table in her pajamas, eating a bowl of cereal and reading a fashion magazine. Her eyes never left the page. "Sorry." The apology was quiet but firm. Buffy shoveled another spoonful into her mouth.

"Back atcha," Faith offered, taking a sip and staring out the window over the now spotless sink.

Silence. 

"Truth." Faith decided to put that out there.

Buffy never looked up. "Truth."

"It was the spanking, wasn't it?"

Silence.

"Actually, that part sounded kinda kinky." Buffy turned another page. 

Faith grimaced. "Oh, **gross**!"

Buffy was unable to suppress a small smile.

Silence.

Faith thought about it a minute, and then suggested, "**Although**...it wouldn't be so gross if there was --"

"-- a hot guy!" they both exclaimed in unison.

They were both grinning now.

Faith finished her coffee and wandered off to take a shower.

Buffy's eyes never left her magazine. "Skank."

From the living room. "Perv."

Buffy smiled, and turned the page.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Seven**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**First Christmas**_

She loved this time of year the best.

The tree was always so beautiful, with the twinkling lights and the homemade ornaments mixed among others, purchased with care. It had to be a real tree; no artificial plastic or aluminum trees for her. They were a sacrilege against the season. No, it wasn't Christmas unless the scent of pine stirred in the air, and candlelight glowed softly in the room, light and color shimmering gently upon the walls.

She loved this time of year the best.

Most people were excited about the things they hoped to receive on Christmas morning, but she truly loved the giving more. Finding just the right thing for each person, some token of her thought for them at this special time of year. She took such joy in watching her friends and family opening their gifts, so much more so than opening the presents intended for her.

She loved this time of year the best.

Special foods of the season were everywhere, and tasted better this time of year than any other. Homemade chocolate fudge; Christmas cookies in the shapes of Santas and angels, sprinkled in greens and reds and yellows and blues; roast beef and turkey and Virginia hams - plentiful and offered freely with hospitality to any who graced the family table for this very special holiday dinner.

She loved this time of year the best.

The creche upon the sideboard, with it's holy family - minus Joseph, whose head had been accidentally crushed underfoot long years ago - and the wisemen offering their gifts of gold and frankincense and myrrh, and the stable animals gazing with reverence upon the new Mother and Child.

She loved this time of year the best.

The needlepoint stockings hung upon the fireplace, bearing each name, crafted with care and love, waiting to be filled with oranges and nuts and chocolates and small gifts selected especially for each child's early morning delight.

She loved this time of year the best.

Christmas pageants and chorales and little children fumbling through their lines while they scratched under the homemade costumes, all angel wings and fake Santa beards and shepherds and papier mache donkeys and little girls draped in blue veils holding plastic dolls to stand in for the babe Himself.

She loved this time of year the best.

The tree again. The angel graced the highest branch, top and center, gazing down with a holy light, borne of immortality, upon the lesser ornaments below. The angel had always been her favorite, above all the others, and had pride of place. But there was another ornament now, one less graceful and glorious than the angel could ever be, a little gaudy perhaps, and certainly less expensive. It was the kind of ornament she would have disdained had she seen it in a store, passing over it in favor of the more tasteful, more beautiful finds. She could not, would not, stop staring at this ungainly, gaudy bauble, which had been hung with care, front and center of her tree.

_Baby's First Christmas  
2003  
_  
She always loved this time of year the best...

"She's not coming back, you know."

"I know."

He stood in the doorway, watching this new Christmas scene play itself out, night after night. The twelve days of Christmas, reduced to this silent vigil in the living room, a glass of Scotch in her hand. She hadn't moved to acknowledge his presence or his words, and he turned away quietly, to his study, where he could forget for awhile.

Dawn sat silently upon the top stair; she knew this play by heart. She rose soundlessly, and returned to her room.

xxxxxx

"A tree."

"Yep."

"Why?"

"It's Christmas."

"Yeah, and it's a tiny apartment and we have like, no money, and no ornaments or lights or anything."

"Yet - it's Christmas."

"It's still Christmas whether we have a tree or not."

"And yet..."

"It's Christmas."

"Exactly."

Faith sighed in resignation. This argument was lost before it ever began.

"Okay."

"Yay!"

"But you're making all the ornaments and stuff, cuz I am too tired to deal with it right now."

"We'll be a regular _Little House on the Prairie _over here. Homemade **everything**. We can string popcorn, and cranberries, and make construction paper circle rings, and a glittery angel for the top of the tree - you wait. It's gonna be **spectacular**!" Buffy's enthusiasm knew no bounds.

"How are you not too tired to do this?"

"It's Christmas."

"Right. Well, I guess we'd better go and get a frickin' tree."

Buffy launched herself at Faith.

_Seriously, __**way**__ too much hugging.  
_

xxxxx

The cranberries were a bust - too messy. Buffy discovered that popcorn worked best when stale, so they wound up eating a lot of fresh popcorn they had already ruined in the initial effort. The big challenge turned out to be making new popcorn and **not** eating it long enough to age into a stringable state of staleness. 

The tree was splendid. A gangly thin-branched tree on the smallish side, draped in popcorn garlands, construction paper ornaments, and selected pine cones, pasted with glitter and strung with ribbons to dangle from the branches. Buffy was able to come up with money enough for one string of twinkly colored lights that really raised the tree from 'eh' to 'wow' in her opinion. Lights were key.

Fred and Buffy baked batches of Christmas cookies and chocolate fudge to share, and in the end Faith did admit that the results of all this feverish activity were quite festive. And tasty. 

After everyone was asleep on Christmas Eve, Buffy sneaked out to the living room to place under the tree the gifts she had chosen with care. A pair of baby-safe stuffed rag dolls for Katie (and a new pacifier which Buffy admitted to herself was more for mom); a small box of See's chocolates for Fred and Gary, along with some good quality sewing threads especially for Fred; a toy truck for Stevie. For Faith, ear plugs from the drug store (Buffy couldn't resist them for both practicality and humor), and a very small bottle of good perfume she saw Faith try on and reluctantly place back in the display while at the department store the prior week.

After she had artfully arranged her gifts for the best Christmas morning presentation, Buffy sat back and looked again at her tree. _Something's different. _She rose and moved closer to the branch where she could see red shining with reflected light.

_Baby's First Christmas  
2003  
_  
She turned the ornament around in her hand, and noted the message scrawled on the back side: _"For Baby Katharine. Love at Christmas and Always. Your Auntie Faith"  
_  
She covered her mouth with her hand, and felt hot tears form behind her eyes.

She had always loved this time of year the best.

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Author's Note: A note regarding the last chapter: I have set the period of this story's beginning in the year 2003. If I had used 1996 - the year Buffy in the series would have been fifteen - I would have run smack into the middle of the massive legal changes that have taken place in the federal and state laws regarding minor teenage parenting, and I did not want to deal with the two separate legal and benefit systems involved. So I chose the more recent laws, and moved the date up. The dates and holidays etc used in the story follow the actual calendar from 2003 on up. Note for this chapter: the movie mentioned in this chapter is a real one, and the plot and dialogue are written from memory only but follow the actual plotline and dialogue of that movie very closely. And yes, it was that bad. :-)

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**Chapter Eight**  
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_**Great Expectations**_

**2004**

In the beginning of that most memorable year, a year in the lives of four girls, New Year's was a time for both hectic activity and hopeful resolutions. A time for the accounting of a season, of a year, of a life. This new year came with the promise of fresh starts and a better future.

But none truly realized, on that day, what great changes a year could bring.

xxxxxxxxxx

For Faith , this New Year's Eve was a time of great expectations. This new man in her life could actually be 'The One'. She was crazy about him. He was tall, handsome, intelligent, with a chiseled body and a charming smile. And he seemed to be as enchanted with her as she was with him. His name was Robin Wood, and they had met over the purchase of a false ID card for her cousin. He had asked no questions - people who require false ID cards do not usually welcome such inquisitions - and she had given no answers. Yet he longed to know more about this beautiful girl with the brown eyes and the flirty smirk. He was bedazzled by her. And she? She thought that, this time, she might even risk love.

So far they had met for coffee twice and lunch once. Robin's job kept him busy most evenings; he tended bar for a club in the nearby town of San Martine, and his nights were not always his own. This New Year's Eve, though, he managed to get coverage for his shift and planned to take Faith out to a friend's New Year's party in celebration of both the year and of the budding relationship. Faith tried hard to keep her cool unconcerned exterior in place, but everyone who knew her, thought her radiant. 

xxxxx

For Fred, this New Year's Eve was a time of regret. Regret for past failures, regret for unwise choices, regret for a marriage that seemed determined to unravel as fast as she tried to shore it up. This new start in Sunnydale had seemed like just the thing she and Gary needed to get back on track again. The fights, the family interference, the disappointments and betrayals were left behind in Texas along with her parents and a dog named JoJo. Fred was thinking lately that it may have been better to have brought the dog and left the man back in Texas.

There was Stevie, however, to consider, and he worshipped his hard working father with all of his little heart, and often said that he wanted to be just like his daddy when he grew up. Fred believed that this was the great tragedy of women throughout all the ages; that the little boys they suckled and nurtured and who looked upon their mothers with such love and affection while young, seemed always to grow up to be the same spoiled and ill-tempered men that their fathers had become. With each passing year, Stevie grew up and away from her gentle loving ways, and moved more and more toward his father's imperious sense of male entitlement. It broke her heart.

This New Year's fell during a week when Gary was on the platform again, so their celebration would have to be separate. And she _was_ so very tired. She decided to have a glass of champagne and go to bed early this holiday. She didn't know what the big deal with New Year's was anyway. For Fred, it was just another day.

xxxxxx

For Buffy, this New Year's Eve was her first as an 'adult' in her own right. She realized she wasn't **actually **an adult, but did feel that living away from home, with her own daughter to raise, and being in possession of ID that marked her as having reached her majority, she could make the claim for this night at least.

Of course, there didn't seem to be anything she could do to mark the evening, what with the baby and the fat clothes and the no money and all. Faith had managed to obtain some champagne, but Buffy knew she could not drink any as she was breastfeeding. Her intention to have an adult holiday had been seriously sidetracked. Until...

Until she remembered that Faith had cable. Well, actually, that Faith **stole** cable was more accurate. And although she had not really checked to see what offerings were available, she had a suspicion that some of the movies that evening might not be family fare.

Using the cable menu guide, Buffy tried out a few titles to see if they contained anything remotely interesting. She was disappointed to see how quickly she became bored with the entire thing. These poorly written and acted movies were a big deal? They were all the same, with little variation and no real plot to speak of. Except...

Except there was one that caught her eye. A raunchy comedy about a porn movie school for pretty young girls and handsome men who wished to learn all about acting in the movies. Their instructors were very helpful, with a hands-on teaching style.

_This is sooo bad it's __**fantastic**__!  
_  
Buffy settled down to watch her bad porn movie. Yes, this New Year's Eve was definitely turning out to have some interesting...themes...

xxxxxx

For Katie...well...basically she ate, played with her feet, and slept that night. There really wasn't a story there yet.

xxxxxxx

The following Tuesday, Faith came home from work and found Buffy sitting raptly in front of the TV in the living room.

Faith had noticed that Buffy seemed to be watching more TV than usual lately, but hadn't really given it another thought until she took a moment to take in the nature of the movie that had Buffy so absorbed. Faith pulled up in her tracks while her jaw dropped.

"What the hell are you watching?!"

"Vampire porn." Buffy's eyes never left the screen.

Faith's eyes widened. "What?"

"Vampire porn."

"And again. **What?"**

Buffy turned to Faith for a second to be sure the other girl was watching the TV, and having been assured of the undivided attention of her audience, turned back to the screen and excitedly explained the movie to her cousin.

"See, this girl - the one on the left there - she's being stalked by this female vampire, who wants her to join them in their unholy yet eternal life. But the girl doesn't want to be turned into a vampire, she wants to live."

"Uh-huh," Faith sat down beside Buffy on the sofa.

Buffy continued breathlessly, "But the vamp lady, she tricked the girl into letting her in her house, and talked her into having sex with her. But the real reason the vamp lady wanted to have sex was to get her all vulnerable and turn her. Which she started to do, but didn't completely drain the girl dry before the girl got away a moment and called 911."

"Uh-huh."

"So the paramedics arrived, but the vamp lady almost finished the girl off before they got there -- I think the vamp lady kept getting sidetracked from the actual vampire-turning by having sex with her instead -- Anyway, the paramedics and police are there, and save the girl. They're loading her up into the ambulance and taking her to the hospital. That's where they are now, in the emergency room. They're trying to save the girl."

"Uh-huh."

"That's as much as I know right now...Wait! Something's happening!"

_xx "Doctor! her blood pressure is practically nothing!"_

xx "Dammit! We're losing her! Quick, take off all her clothes!" 

xx The girl is quickly stripped by the two nurses, and she now lies nude upon the gurney.

xx "Give me the paddles!" 

xx _**ka-ching!**_

xx "It's not working!"

xx "Again!" 

xx _**ka-ching!**_

xx "We've lost her doctor. There's nothing more you could have done."

xx Nurse pats the doctor's arm soothingly and takes the paddles from him.

xx "So young, so beautiful...Take her to the morgue!"

xx Doctor walks briskly away as nurses leer appreciatively at him.

Faith frowned. "He zapped her with the paddles right on top of her tits."

"I **know. **Isn't this the best bad movie **ever!?" **Buffy grinned.

"Uh-huh."

"Hold on! What's that morgue guy doing to her now?" Buffy leaned in toward the TV.

Silence.

"**Oh!**" Buffy's eyebrows shot up and she pulled back.

Faith settled in at the other end of the sofa to watch the movie. Even at her young age, Faith had seen enough porn to note a sameness to it all that made most of it boring after a while.

"Jeepers." Buffy blushed three shades of scarlet.

But watching Buffy watch porn? Now **that** was **entertainment!  
**

xxxxxxx

Once Buffy realized that Faith had herself a new honey, she was relentless in her questioning of the older girl.

Who was he? Where did she meet him? What did he look like? Where did he work? Was it serious or just a fling? Did he know about Buffy living there too? When could she meet him?

Faith indulged her cousin up to a point, but hesitated to mention the number one fact about Robin that she thought - no **knew** - that Buffy would have a problem with. And that one critical piece of information was that Robin was a bartender in a club that catered to men. In other words, a strip club. Her new man worked in a strip club.

Faith was dismayed to learn of this development herself, but not for the obvious reasons. It wasn't that she thought less of Robin for working there, or would be embarrassed to let people know what he did, or even that she would be concerned about whether he could be faithful to her in such an environment, night after night.

No, Faith's number one worry was that she had run three thousand miles away to get away from her mother and her sleazy boyfriends only to wind up following in her mother's footsteps. Secretly, Faith worried that her life would not be so very much different than her mother's, that her contempt for Darlene's way of life would eventually blow up in her face when she looked in the mirror one day and saw her mother staring back at her. Faith could think of nothing worse than that. This was the core of her nightmares: that all of Faith's dreams of a good life because she had made better, smarter choices than her mom had, would amount to nothing, and she would, perhaps, one day be the object of scorn of her own daughter, and for the same reasons.

Faith told no one of her secret fears. She hardly admitted them to herself.

But she really liked this guy, might even be falling in love with him. And he seemed to be a good guy, the kind of guy who could prove worthy of her love and trust. She had to step out and move beyond her fears at some point, didn't she? Who was to say that this was not the time to do just that? That this was not the man to do that with? 

Faith decided to take a chance. If happiness and love had walked up to her at this place and time and in the person of this man, then who was she to refuse it? She would die a bitter old woman if she never took a chance on love when offered to her. And he was a **good** guy, she'd bet any amount on it. He was worth the risk.

Oh, yeah. She was falling, all right. Falling hard and fast. 

xxxxxx

"Tai Chi."

"Gesundheit."

"Ha ha, very funny," Buffy retorted. "Tai Chi is a system of exercises that builds strength, flexibility, and endurance for people of any age and health, and also a martial arts...art. Like kung fu. Or karate."

"You know, I wasn't **actually** going to spank you."

Buffy laughed. "Silly. I'm not doing this for self-defense, I'm doing it to get in better shape and so I can fit the new clothes I want to make. I'm not putting all this effort of learning to design and sew new things just to wind up making new fat clothes. I **have** to get my figure back as quick as I can. You know?"

"So...out of all the exercise programs the rec center offers, you chose one that can also teach you to kick my ass." Faith looked suspiciously at her cousin.

"That was just icing on the cake." Buffy explained.

Faith frowned.

"Okay, the truth is, it was the only one that was actually free and that I could join any time I wanted to, no waiting for the next class to start or anything. The whole self-defense thing didn't even enter my mind...Although, now that you mention it..." She grinned devilishly.

"Yeah. I thought so." Faith smirked back. Buffy just gave her an enigmatic smile and went back to reading the pamphlet for the new class she had enrolled in that morning. This was going to be fun.

xxxxx

Fred looked over the pictures clipped from fashion magazines and the drawings Buffy had made of clothes she thought would do Fred proud. She had to admit that they weren't too bad. They were up to date and stylish, yet very casual and comfortable and wouldn't make Fred self-conscious were she to wear them out anywhere. Buffy had really captured her well.

This was a huge relief to Fred, who had been practicing for weeks on ways of gently letting Buffy down when she was made to face the terrible fashions she was certain Buffy would gleefully attempt to force upon her. _Dodged a bullet there.  
_  
Buffy had also found some things for herself that she thought wouldn't be too difficult to pull off, given her money situation and the fabrics and accessories she already owned. Fred thought most of Buffy's choices were actually doable, given the right skills and equipment. Fred had both, so they were all set to go. They would work on some things for Fred first, so Buffy could learn while doing them, and also to give the girl time to get back in shape so the sizes would be right.

Buffy went into teacher-mode, using her research as her guide. Why reinvent the wheel, right?

"Okay, first things first. When you want to look good on a budget, you have to know what you can make and what you'll have to buy. Accessories must be bought, and you must buy those that are of as good a quality as you can. If you make something from scratch, or even remake something you already have, you have to do it as professionally as possible so that it looks great on you. Then you accessorize with belts, shoes, purses, and jewelry that you buy." Buffy looked expectantly at Fred, to make sure she was following her logic. Fred nodded her understanding. "So, let's start with this little blouse ...here... cuz it'll look so cute with those new sandals you bought and it also fits in with some of the slacks you already have." 

"Okay. I guess we should hit the fabric store and get started then."

Buffy beamed. This was going to be so great.

xxxxx

It was a simple pattern to follow. It should have been a simple thing to make. Then why oh why was she ripping out this damn seam for the **third** time, Fred having found it wanting and needing a do-over? Buffy was sooo frustrated by how hard this had all turned out to be. And it was devilishly difficult to concentrate when you had to take a break every thirty minutes or less to tend to a fussy baby. She wanted to cry.

Fred saw that the poor girl was near tears, and decided to step in and rescue her from herself.

"Baby steps, sweetie, just baby steps." Fred smiled at Buffy as she looked up tearfully from the seam she was ripping out. "How about I do the sewing on this one, and you watch and pay careful attention, and then you can try the next one while I watch and guide you? I mean, it's no shame, honey. You're very new at this sewing thing. We're working together, right? It's all in building experience and skills, right?"

Buffy nodded tearfully and handed the seam to Fred, who fixed it up with no problem whatsoever. She envied Fred her skills. And she vowed she would build her own if it was the last thing she did.

But first she thought she'd better change Katie. Her baby steps came with an actual baby.

xxxxx

Hope you're still with me here. Spuffy will be coming up in the future, and it will be the primary relationship of the story, but these other relationships are critical and we have to move at the right pace. Please read and review, tell me what you think.

Sara

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**Chapter Nine**  
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_**Rain, Part One**_

Rain.

Not just any rain, but Noah-sized ark-building rain, buckets and buckets of it. And no sign of letting up any time soon. The basement laundry had already been flooded, and the landlord - the bar owner, Mr Kralik - had closed it while a sump pump worked at removing the water and the damage to the washers and dryers was assessed. Fortunately, nothing else leaked, so the girls were dry and warm inside their apartment, but still...

_So much for sunny California! _Buffy groused to herself.

It was the fifth straight day of heavy rain and she was going stir crazy. After that first trip to the mall to go window shopping, she had made it a point to get out of the building at least once a day, usually to the corner market or the nearby park. The rains were so heavy, however, that she did not wish to venture out with Katie in the downpour, so she had been stuck at home for five straight days now.

Worse yet, this torrential flood had arrived during one of Gary's seven day periods home from the offshore oil platform, so she had not had much of her friend's company either. Buffy had come to understand that when Gary was home, his entire household changed from a place of quiet harmony between mother and child, to one of barked commands and petty quarrels between husband and wife. Fred walked on eggshells around her volatile husband when he was home, and from the first meeting, Gary had made it clear that he had enough on his plate with Fred and Stevie underfoot, without having to deal with a teenager and young infant invading his space, even if that teenager was his wife's friend. So for Fred's sake, Buffy made herself scarce during those seven days when Gary was home, and anxiously looked forward to the seven he was back out on the platform and she could see her friend again.

Buffy didn't like the way Gary spoke to Fred. When he was irritable, he sometimes called her a 'cow' or 'stupid', and even when pleasant he rarely called her by her name. 'Hey!' was his usual method of attracting Fred's attention to him, and he never used any polite niceties, such as 'please' or 'thank you'. Fred told Buffy it was just the way the job was; men spent twenty-four hours a day for seven days ordering men around and being ordered around, having to yell over loud machinery to be heard. It was difficult to turn that off and change into respectful husbands and fathers when they came home. And then right around the time the men would start to adjust to the home environment, it would be time to go back out again and bark orders or be barked at again. The whole system could be hell on family life.

Fred would quietly remind Gary that she was not a roustabout to be ordered around and that she could hear him quite plainly since there was no loud equipment impeding the sound of his words to her. Sometimes that brought Gary up fast, and he would take the easygoing remonstrance to heart and school himself to speak to Fred more softly and with more respect as his wife. But other times, her gentle reminders would be the catalyst that set him off for hours, and at those times Fred could do nothing that didn't earn her a sneer or start another petty quarrel.

Buffy loved Fred, and it hurt her to see her so unhappy and poorly treated at home. And she had come to loathe Gary most of the time, although Fred insisted that he was a good man at heart, and that there were plenty of good things he did that others did not see as they were not there with them in their home. Buffy had her doubts about this, but she was smart enough to know when to hold her tongue and let Fred lead the life she had chosen for herself. It wasn't Buffy's place to interfere in a marriage she only could see from the outside looking in. She had to trust Fred to know when enough was enough. Apparently, it hadn't come to that yet. All Buffy could do was be there for her friend should that time ever come.

She just wished she couldn't hear the loud rows that came crashing up to her from the apartment down below. When **was **enough, enough?

xxxxxxx

"The basement's dry now, and the machines are workin' again." Mr. Kralik's gravelly voice called out to them as Buffy and Fred left the building together for a quick trip to the market during a sunny, albeit brief, respite from the rain.

"Great!"

"Thanks!"

They didn't slow for a second as they started to head down the sidewalk to complete their errands. When it was clear the girls were not going to stop and talk, Mr Kralik coughed and called their attention back to him again. Apparently, he had more news to impart. The girls turned around expectantly and waited for whatever he had to say.

"Here's the thing," the portly older man shifted his feet nervously and rubbed the back of his neck while he stared at the sidewalk. 

_Whatever he's gonna tell us, it does not sound good, _Buffy worried.

"Yeah, well...you see, my son has been _away_ for a couple years now, and now he's comin' back home again..." He seemed to fade away into his own thoughts for a moment, then returned to the conversation he had started as though he had not zoned out, "...and he's gonna be stayin' with me here, in my apartment, and doin' odd jobs 'round the buildin', you know, to get used to bein' out here and workin' and all..." he trailed off, and was getting more fidgety by the moment.

"Well, that's sounds wonderful, to have your son home with you again," Fred responded gently, a small smile gracing her features. "He's been gone long, has he?"

"Yeah, well...a few years now..."

"Where was he?" Buffy's weirdness meter was going into overdrive. He had to get used to being 'out' and 'working again'? Add that to Mr Kralik's odd demeanor, and she was not reassured.

"Yeah, well, he...he had a little trouble a few years ago, with his ma - you never met her, she was a wonderful woman, but she passed a while back - but he's comin' home tomarraw, and I thought I ought to let you know, so you'd know he belonged here, wasn't some stranger wanderin' the halls..." Mr Kralik sounded like he could ramble on in that manner for some time, and never quite get to the point of whatever had him so nervous.

"Oh. Well thanks for the warning then. If I see him I'll be sure and say hello." Fred offered politely.

Buffy just furrowed her brows and nodded politely.

"Yeah, well, he'll be here tomarraw, so I guess we'll see how it goes," Mr Kralik glanced around the street, caught himself fidgeting, then stuffed his hands in his pockets once again, as though to keep them still. "Be seein' you 'round." And with that he hurried back inside the bar.

"Interesting." Buffy was getting some seriously weird vibes from the entire conversation.

"Yeah, he seemed nervous," Fred agreed. "But he's probably just anxious about seeing his son again. Probably nothin' more'n that." She nodded and smiled reassuringly.

"Do you think we can trust this guy, that he's gonna be okay? Mr Kralik was acting so skittish." Buffy couldn't help but worry, the landlord's entire manner had set her on edge.

"I guess. We'll have to wait and see. I don't want to judge the boy right out of the gate, you know, until we see what he's like, I mean, if he seems dangerous or anythin'."

"Can you tell if someone is dangerous by looking at them?"

Fred glanced quickly at her friend as they continued their walk. "Not usually, no."

"Great."

"Yeah." Fred laughed. "But I'm sure everything'll be fine. No worries, right?"

"Right." But Buffy didn't feel right. 

xxxxxx

Sixteen. A milestone year. A year girls had big parties and gained new privileges. A year when many girls began to date in earnest, obtained a drivers license, perhaps even got a car of their own. Sixteen was a very important year in the life of a girl.

Buffy would be sixteen in two days. January twentieth. She had looked forward to that day many months ago, before her life had changed irrevocably into something she couldn't even conceive of at the time. Conceive. She certainly had, hadn't she? And here she was now, turning sixteen in a strange place, afraid to leave her apartment due to the oddly silent young man now wandering the halls of the building, with a two month old baby dominating almost every aspect of her existence. This was not the sweet sixteen she had hoped for.

_Negative much, Buffy? Snap out of it!_

It was raining again, and the laundry was piled high, and she really needed to get some groceries, and it was one of Gary's 'at-home' weeks so Fred hadn't been able to get away much either... _Stop it! _she ordered herself. _You are a strong, capable woman, and there is no reason to sit here and feel sorry for yourself any more!  
_  
She decided to call Faith and ask her to pick up some groceries on her way home. Faith had a date with Robin that evening, but said she'd pick up a few quick but vital items on her way home.

That done, she looked again to the laundry and sighed. She called Fred, hoping she had laundry, surely Fred had laundry, too. But there was no answer there, and Buffy remembered then that her friend had said they were going to go on a work 'retreat' at some place near Carmel for three days. Apparently, there'd been some fights the last couple of months during Gary's seven-on, so the oil company decided that a team-building retreat was necessary to get the group working smoothly again. Of course, they scheduled it at a beach resort during the rainy season, so they mostly had to stay indoors and stare at their families during their down time. Buffy suspected that some sinister psychologist had worked that one out - see which worker finally blew up staring at his wife and kids for three whole days, rained into a bungalow, when a beautiful beach and golf course lay outside doing no one any good due to the horrible weather. She wondered whether it would be Gary that popped that gasket.

Anyway, this meant that Fred was gone for three days, as of this morning. She called Mr Kralik next, to see if he could escort her to the laundry room, but he too was gone, off visiting an old friend this afternoon, leaving his son to stock the bar and tend to the daily chores necessary to run the establishment. When Buffy called, it was Zack on the phone. Boy, was that awkward, she thought unhappily. Zack offered to keep her company down in the laundry room, if she wanted. She cringed, and then backpedaled quickly and thanked him but said she'd decided to wait. The silence on the other end of the line made her nervous. He may be mental, she thought, but she was sure he knew a poor excuse when he heard one.

"Okay," he responded flatly. "Another time then." The phone disconnected without a goodbye.

_Well, that went well, _Buffy chided herself. _Idiot. What did you think he was gonna say?_

So...now...what to do? Katie had spit up on or wet or dirtied everything she had, and Buffy's wardrobe was similarly filthy. If she waited for Fred or Faith to return, both she and her daughter would be sitting in their altogether and wouldn't that be a fine sight? No, she just had to be brave and sneak downstairs when Zack wasn't looking and do a quick load or two of laundry and run back upstairs again. Piece of cake, right? She was young, strong, and smart. Nothing was going to happen to her, she had to stop being so paranoid about this man. He'd been there almost a week, and he seemed okay, in a looming, quiet, stalkerish way. But that was just her own paranoia talking. She couldn't stay locked up in her apartment like this. She refused to live that way.

So it was decided then. Laundry would be done today, and Zachary Kralik be damned.

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Authors Note #1: Buffy is very young and sometimes makes poor decisions, as she does in this chapter. I am not condoning or recommending her decisions, I am merely writing a fifteen year old mother's logic and inexperience.

Author's Note #2: Just for the record, from the earlier chapters, the waiting period for signing adoption papers in New York turns out to be...none. Pop the kid out, sign the papers, fine by New York. It's not that there's no rule at all, it's just that the law makes it variable to the situation with no guidance on it, which is practically the same thing as no rule in my opinion. That's not the usual, most states have a waiting period, and three days seems to be the most common, but still. I'm in California, so I used three days (our law), and originally I had Buffy starting in a different state so when I moved her to New York I forgot to check into that waiting period law there. Oh well, I tried. Sorry. 

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**Chapter Ten**  
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_**Rain, Part Two**_

Once Buffy decided that she was not going to let any paranoia keep her from her rightful laundry privileges, she checked on Katie in the bedroom. Katie had just gone to sleep, and was good for a while, she decided. What could happen? She was in the same building, and it wouldn't be for that long. Katie'd be fine. Besides, if she took Katie she'd have to make several hard trips carrying the baskets and each time carry Katie too, and that was not the way to do this fast and quiet. No, better to leave Katie safely asleep in her new-used crib and do this fast on her own.

All the way down the flights of stairs, Buffy kept a careful eye out for Zack. The guy made her spooky-weird-vibe-meter go off the charts, and her main goal, besides clean laundry, was to do this without him ever knowing she slipped past him.

Down in the basement, she looked at the room a moment to assess whether she was indeed alone. All seemed clear, except for the noise of one dryer doing someone else's load. The basement laundry room was very old and dingy, with only some highly placed narrow windows 10 feet above, at about ground level. A single bulb tried to illuminate the shadowy room, and the cement floor and brick walls gave it a damp chill most days. The laundry room was not Buffy's favorite place to be, even on a good day with company she trusted.

_Get in, get it done, and get out fast! _she admonished herself.

As Buffy was loading two washers, she heard a _**clang-clunk**_ from the far side of the room, near the storage area. Her heart leapt into her throat as she spun around expecting danger and praying silently for help. That's when she saw him - an ugly old rat, scurrying from behind the far dryer and under the wire mesh fencing which 'protected' the stored items from those who might want to walk off with them. Buffy let out her breath and told her heart it could start beating again. She never, in her wildest dreams, thought that the sight of a big old ugly rat scurrying across a room she was actually in, would be a relief to her.

_That says a lot about where I live now doesn't it? _she frowned.

Her breathing under control again, Buffy turned back to loading her machines when she heard another noise, from the doorway. She froze, afraid to turn around again.

"Changed your mind, eh?" asked a deep scratchy baritone, a voice which belonged to none other than Zack himself.

Buffy thought her heart would stop beating right then and there. Steeling herself, she turned around to return the greeting, of sorts, from the man she had been trying to avoid all along. And here he was, a tool box in one hand and a flashlight in the other. Wonderful.

"Yeah, I decided the laundry couldn't wait after all." she smiled nervously.

_Babies and animals smell fear. Do strange stalker guys smell fear too? God, I hope not. I must be sending off waves of stinky fear fumes right now..._

"Yeah? Huh." He just looked at her. She couldn't read anything in his expression, and that made her more nervous, if that were at all possible.

"Yeah." Buffy nodded briefly, trying to end the conversation before it started.

She turned quickly and began to put quarters into the machines. As she fished them out of her change purse she fumbled and dropped one. Unfortunately, she only had enough to do her loads, and needed that damn quarter. Bending down to peer between the two machines, Buffy could just see the coin about three inches beyond her reach. She tried to retrieve it but the machines were in the way.

"Need help?"

"Aiee!" Buffy straightened as she screeched in surprise. Zack was immediately behind her now, crowding her personal space and sending her heart into overdrive.

"Sorry." Zack offered, in a flat voice that Buffy could not interpret at all. But he didn't back up. 

_What's going on in his head? God, is he just strange or is he dangerous and why doesn't he back up and what is he thinking...oh god..._

"Let me," he pushed past her to the machines, leaned down and slightly lifted with one arm while he picked up the errant coin in the other. Standing, he offered her the quarter without saying a word. He also did not back up, and Buffy was getting more frightened by the second.

She took the coin, and uttered a subdued, "Uh, thanks...Thank you."

"Sure." Zack finally backed up and walked back to the broken dryer, fiddled with it for a few minutes, while neither of them spoke again. Buffy wanted to leave the room, but wasn't sure how to do that in a way that didn't broadcast her fears. Everything inside her was screaming that this man wasn't safe, but she had no proof and no factual cause for alarm. And he was her landlord's son. She didn't want to tip him off to her unease any more than she already had. If she showed her fear, he might be emboldened to do something to her.

_Yeah, Buffy. And you're __**covering**__ so well. I'm sure he doesn't suspect a __**thing.**_

As she was thinking over her options, Zack packed up the tool box, stood up, and slowly stepped back over to her side of the room again, stopping about three feet in front of her. She tried to look as though she were reading the detergent bottle and didn't see him, even as she noticed, in her peripheral vision, that he seemed to be working his way into actually saying something to her. Just as she had decided that cowards lived to fear another day and she should get the hell out of there, another tenant came shuffling into the room.

Buffy had never been so glad to see someone in her life as she was at that moment. She looked to be sixty-ish, with a bad dye job on her thinning hair, wearing a red velveteen house dress complete with very large costume jewelry necklace, and pink terry cloth slippers. She appeared to be rather slovenly, with a cigarette perched on her lips and a scowl on her face. Buffy thought she was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She could've hugged her right there.

Zack turned to gaze expressionlessly at the intruder for a moment, considering, then decided to leave the laundry room. He stopped in the doorway with one last flat look at Buffy, then left in silence. Buffy was totally spooked and completely relieved.

The woman stared after Zack as he left, then turned, frowned, and looked hard at Buffy.

"Interestin' fella." Her voice had a deep and throaty timbre, probably from years of booze and cigarettes Buffy guessed.

"Yeah, he's different." Buffy smiled at her heretofore unseen neighbor.

"Gives me the heebie-jeebies."

Buffy nodded. "**Oh**, yeah."

"You're new." The woman started to remove her laundry from the dryer which had stopped a short while earlier.

She wasn't sure what to say to this woman, she seemed very old and kind of irritable, and Buffy didn't have much to go on here as far as conversation went.

Irritable Woman looked Buffy up and down appraisingly. "Which one are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Which one? Screamin' Baby?, or Screamin' 'when-the-fuck-you-gettin'-a-job-you-shit!', or Screamin' 'Oh-god!-Desmond!-Oh,-you're-so-hard, give-it-to-me-yes-yes-yes!'" she mimicked the last one a little too well, then her bored yet irritated gaze settled back on Buffy.

Buffy raised her hand tentatively. "Uh, I would be Screaming Baby." Buffy blushed, "Can't say I've heard Screaming Desmond yet."

"You ain't missed nothin', let me tell you," Irritable Woman leaned toward Buffy conspiratorially, "Frankly, I think she's fakin' it. 'Course, it's been awhile, could be I don't remember right how that one is s'posed to finish." One of her eyebrows shot up, she pursed her lips and nodded sagely.

Buffy was thoroughly embarrassed by both the subject and the reenactment. "Yeah, well..."

"That makes you 3C then. With that Faith girl." Irritable Woman folded a few towels, then asked bluntly, "You two lovers?"

Buffy's eyes went wide as she quickly denied that rumor, "No! No, no not...that."

"Huh," she nodded. "Well, it's California, you never can tell." Bras and granny panties joined the towels. "So, you're not a couple. What are you that she'd take on some slip of a kid with a baby? She don't look like the motherin' helpful type, you don't mind me askin'."

Irritable Woman was nearly done folding her laundry. Buffy hoped she would leave soon - stay and keep her company - leave - stay -- _Argh!!!_

"Faith is very nice and helpful." Buffy defended. "We're cousins. I moved from another state; she's just helping me out for a while." Buffy hopped on top of one of her washers.

"Huh. You don't say." Irritable Woman sloppily folded some sheets. "What's yer name, honey?"

"Buffy."

"Ah," she nodded knowingly. "Pros or strip?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're a workin' girl. A prostitute, a stripper...?"

"Why would you think...?"

"Buffy." she stated simply.

"Yeah...?"

"Well don't tell me your **ma** gave you that name."

"Um, well, she **did**." Buffy sat up straighter and narrowed her eyes.

Irritable Woman laughed at that. "Yer ma gave you a stripper name," she nodded, "I think I'd like your ma."

"No, no stripper name, just a name. There was that TV show in the sixties, the little girl was named Buffy. People keep telling me about that one. I know _she_ wasn't a stripper." Buffy was getting defensive. She was tired of people dissing her name.

"No. She died overdosed on drugs when she wasn't older'n you, by the looks of you. But, no, not a stripper," Irritable Woman pronounced her judgment.

The wind went out of her argument in defense of her name.

"Well, I was born with this name and I think it's a perfectly nice name."

"Huh." Irritable Woman nodded. "S'alright." She appraised Buffy, then asked suddenly. "What's the kid's name? She get a strip name too?"

"Katharine. A perfectly good name for a girl." she declared defensively, and muttered under her breath, "so is Buffy, but I guess there's no pleasing some people..."

"What's that?"

"Nothing. Just trying to remember my grocery list for later."

"Huh." Irritable Woman seemed doubtful. "Well, I'm all done here, so I'm goin' fer now. See you aroun'."

Irritable Woman had reached the doorway when Buffy suddenly remembered she didn't know Irritable Woman's name.

"Wait! I didn't get your name."

Irritable Woman stared at Buffy consideringly, then said "Angie." she paused a moment. "2B."

"Nice to meet you, Angie." she smiled.

"Yeah." Irritable Woman nodded once, then shuffled out the door and up the stairs.

Buffy sighed and looked at her watch. _Great neighbors you got here Faith. At least she got stalker guy to go away...Stay away...please stay away...please stay away...  
_  
xxxxxx

Laundry done, Buffy returned to her apartment and checked quickly on her daughter. It had occurred to her that she could've been attacked in that laundry room and no one would have known and her daughter would've awakened alone. She decided then and there that leaving Katie behind was not an option any longer. She regretted doing it and would not do it again.

Katie was still sleeping, thankfully, so Buffy folded her hastily basketed laundry and put it away. Afterwards, she pulled the old afghan around her shoulders and sat by the living room window to think and watch the rain falling on the grey concrete below.  
_  
The buddy system from now on, no exceptions._

xxxxx

When Faith returned home with a bag of groceries she found Buffy still sitting at the window.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself." Faith called as she put the items away. Buffy was awful quiet, and sad. Faith wondered if something had happened, and decided if she didn't come out with it soon, she was going to ask.

Buffy remained silent, then without turning from the window stated, "If you ever see me walking around in a red velveteen house dress and pink slippers, just kill me quick."

Faith chuckled. "You met Angie."

"You could say that." Buffy turned around and watched Faith fold the grocery bag.

"She's a hoot." Faith walked over to her cousin. "Give me your hand."

"Why?"

"Just give it to me."

Buffy presented her right hand to Faith, who took it and turned it palm side up. She looked at it carefully, tracing a path along the creases she found.

"Nope," Faith pronounced. "No Angie in your future." She let the hand go. "You're safe."

Buffy gave a small smile.

"But just in case the worst does happen, how 'bout I just promise to buy you somethin' else to wear instead? Killin' you would be so messy. Hard to get the blood outta the carpet."

That earned a bigger smile. "Deal."

"There ya go." 

Buffy got up to follow Faith into her room while the older girl prepared for her big date, and told her all about her meeting with Zack and Angie. They agreed that from then on they'd keep a sharp eye out for the strange young man.

xxxxxx

Thanks for the reviews guys. I appreciate every one.

Sara


	3. Chapter 11 thru 15

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain. 

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**Chapter Eleven**  
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_**Sweet Sixteen**_

"Dawn!" 

Pause, then louder, "Dawn!"

Janice was worried about her friend these days. She seemed to be in another world sometimes, and something at home just wasn't right. Like right now. It was full-on dark, and everyone had left basketball cheerleading tryouts already, but Janice's mother refused to drive away until she was certain that all the girls had been picked up. Not for the first time, Janice noticed that Dawn was left alone at some school event, waiting for her ride home. And once again Janice's mom would offer to give her a ride, and Dawn would make some excuse for her absent mother. She just wished Dawn would talk to her about whatever was going on, because it was becoming more obvious to others now, and no one knew what was behind it. As best friend, Janice felt she should have the inside scoop, and she knew less than nothing. Janice was usually the one who knew all the dirt first, wherever and whatever it was. She didn't like being out of the loop on this one. 

_"_**Da-awn**!"Janice bellowed one more time. This time the girl turned her head her way and waved. "Come on, we'll give you a lift!" Finally! Janice watched Dawn pick up her bag and start walking slowly over to their minivan.

Dawn hated this part. The part where no one came for her and she was forced to take rides from some other mother, another mother who ever so politely gave her the third degree about her mother's whereabouts. Janice was her best friend, but her mom was the nosiest of all, and stuck to the subject like a bloodhound. It was getting harder and harder to come up with convincing lies. So she just smiled and tried to hop in the back. Janice's mom wouldn't let her get away though, and insisted she sit up front in the passenger seat with her. _The better to grill me._

As they drove home, there was blessed silence for about two minutes while Janice's mom worked her way up to asking all her questions.

"So, Dawn, we didn't see your mom at the Mother's Tea last Saturday."

Great. "Yeah, she had a bad headache and needed to lie down."

"She's been having lots of headaches lately..."

Dawn nodded silently and looked out the window.

Janice's mom wasn't going to stop now. "Is she seeing a doctor for them? Does she know what is causing them?" 

_Janice's mom will plaster on fake concern and smile encouragingly to get me to open up right about __**now**__. Yep, right on cue._

"Yeah, but they're not anything too bad, just hurt I guess."

"I see." Dawn was quiet again, so Janice's mom tried another tack. "Your sister must be very cold right now."

_Huh? _Dawn frowned a second and then smoothed into the lie she needed to tell. If she could just figure out what Janice's mom was talking about, she'd actually know what lie that was supposed to be. She turned to Janice's mom and said as casually as she could, "Yeah, she probably is." _Whatever that means.  
_  
"I was just so surprised to hear that she was attending school in Switzerland this term, it seemed so sudden."

"Yeah, it probably seemed like it, but Buffy'd been talking about going for a long time now, she wanted to go to school...some where else...see what...Europe...was all about..." _Hope that sounded realistic, cuz I don't know what the hell I'm talking about any more. Switzerland!! God, mom! Way to deal with reality there.  
_  
"Really? I didn't get the impression that Buffy was so studious. I can't imagine there are a lot of things to do in a Swiss boarding school."

"I guess. Buffy didn't really talk to me about it much, she just wanted to go is all I know."

"I can't imagine Buffy somewhere without boys!" Janice's mom smiled, and watched Dawn's reaction closely.

_Thank God! We're at my house. Get me outta here!_

"You'd be surprised." _What the hell does that mean?! I don't even know what I'm saying any more. Gah!  
_  
"Well, tell your mother I hope she feels better soon. We're hoping we can talk her into chairing the committee for the Annual Eighth Grade Valentine's Day Dance this year. She has such a gift for organizing these events, you know."

"Yeah, I'll tell her." Dawn turned and said her goodbyes to her friend and her mother, and noted that they waited at the curb until she actually entered her house. She waved them on, and Janice's mother finally pulled away from the curb as Dawn closed the door.

Dark. The house was dark again. 

"Mom!"

Silence.

"Mom!" 

Still nothing.

Dawn searched the downstairs then ascended the stair case and checked the master bedroom. No mom. She heard a noise from Buffy's room. Following it there, she stood in the doorway and watched quietly for a moment.

Joyce sat in the wing chair to the side of Buffy's bed, holding a family album in her lap and a glass of...what?...Scotch?...in the other. It was now full night, and no light was on. Dawn wondered how long she'd been sitting there.

"Mom?" No reaction from Joyce. "Mom, it's dark out. Why don't we turn on a light now?" Still no response. "Are you going to cook dinner tonight?" Nothing. 

Dawn sighed, and left her mother to her dark musings. She went back down to the kitchen and fixed a sandwich and a soda, and returned to her room to do homework and watch TV. She hoped her dad would come back from Spain soon. She didn't know how to handle her mother any more, and she didn't think she could keep pretending much longer that all was well. The constant vigilance and cover-up was exhausting. Sometimes she really hated her sister. If Buffy hadn't screwed up so badly, their family would be happy and whole.

Buffy had ruined **everything**. 

xxxxxx

The morning of the twentieth shone bright and clear for the first time in a week. Buffy stretched and checked the clock. Nine. She felt absolutely decadent this morning, and felt right down to her toes how thoroughly wonderful it was to wake up to gentle sunshine instead of Katie's cries and the drip drip drip of rain...Katie!!

Panicked, Buffy leapt off her bed and dove for the crib. When she saw her daughter sleeping peacefully, alive and well, she let out a relieved sigh. _God! I thought..._

She'd thought Katie had...died. She'd never slept through before; Katie was as reliable as an alarm clock, and that clock was set firmly for 8 am.

_This is a good thing. More sleep at a time is a good thing. She's alive. This is normal. This is a good thing..._

Once Buffy got past her fear and was in a good place again, she decided to go grab some cereal while her time was her own for a minute. No telling when the Katie-clock would go off, this was new territory for her.

Speaking of food...what was that wonderful aroma? Could it be...?

Yep! Pancakes. Faith was at the stove making pancakes for breakfast. They smelled wonderful, but it was Tuesday. So how...?

This morning was turning into one big question mark.

"Hey! Mornin'!" Faith smiled as she slid one onto a stack of four already made. She handed the plate to Buffy and pushed her gently toward the table, where orange juice, syrup, and sausage was waiting. "I'm glad you're up. We need to eat these, and I didn't have the heart to actually wake you, so I was kinda torn there..."

"Wow. I can't believe you did all this," Buffy took in the table and then turned on Faith, "And how are you home this morning?"

"Ah, that was part of my fiendish plan. I worked on Sunday, to make up for today. Frank let me have today off so we could do your birthday up right."

"That's sooo **sweet!**"Buffy almost got in a hug but Faith deftly sidestepped and turned her toward her chair and bade her eat. Once Buffy was seated, Faith grabbed her stack and the two girls began to eat all the wonderful food.

Katie awoke about three-quarters way through the meal, and Buffy changed and nursed her before handing her off to Faith while she showered. When she came back in, Faith was dressed and so was Katie, both ready for an outing it seemed.

"What's going on?"

"This is your big day. Sixteen! And you are going to have your special day, starting with an appointment with a salon for a manicure, pedicure, and hair care, whatever you want. The appointment is for ten-thirty, so we've gotta get going."

Buffy was stunned. Seriously? Faith was doing this? "Oh my God, I don't know what to say!" 

"Say thank you Auntie Faith, and let's motor!" Faith grabbed the diaper bag - already packed, Buffy noticed, and motioned for her to precede her out the door. Buffy didn't have to be asked twice.

xxxxxx

The salon treatment was heaven. The salon ladies fussed over Katie while Buffy and Faith got the works. At noon, they had lunch in a little cafe nearby, and then Faith told Buffy about the rest of her day.

"Now, let's see, it's almost one so it's a little early, but let's see if we can convince Miss Katharine to eat a little early today, so you can have some uninterrupted quality time this afternoon."

"Doing what?"

"You'll see." Faith was enjoying this. "First, feed Katie, then I'm taking you somewhere special."

Buffy couldn't imagine what Faith had in mind, but she obeyed. Where she wound up she could not believe. "Aphrodite's Spa," Buffy read the sign aloud. "What did you do?"

"Your appointment is for one-thirty. It's the full treatment, two and a half hours of wraps and facials and massages and saunas." Faith loved the look on her cousin's face.

"How? Why? How?" Buffy was just stunned.

"Because it's the one and only time you're gonna turn sixteen, and you deserve a day where it's all about pampering you for a change. You take good care of Katie and, frankly, of me too. Now it's time we took care of you."

Buffy felt tears well up, happy tears. She took care of Faith? No, it was the other way around. She couldn't believe her cousin was doing this for her. 

"How can you afford all this? It's so much!"

"I've been saving a while for today. Don't worry about it. Just go, have fun. Katie and I will have a great afternoon together, won't we baby?" Faith turned to the baby in her car seat. Katie gurgled. "See? She agrees with me. Here is your reservation, and I'll be back for you at four."

Buffy just sat there staring at the spa.

"Go! Before I decide to hand Katie to you and go in myself."

"Oh no you don't!" Buffy laughed. "I'm all over this." She turned back to Faith. "Thank you."

"Ah ah ah! No crying or hugging. Just relaxing massage and wraps this afternoon. Out!"

"Yes ma'am." Buffy jumped out of Faith's car and started her afternoon of special pampering.

Today, she felt like a princess. It was good to be sixteen.

xxxxxxx

Home again at five, and Buffy was so relaxed she thought she might puddle through the floor to the apartment below. She laughed to herself. If Fred were home, what a surprise **that** would be!

Faith was taking her time unlocking the door, but nothing could annoy Buffy right now. Which was a good thing, because Fred had a surprise of her own on the other side.

When Buffy walked inside, she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight before her. Balloons and streamers and the coffee table full of presents. She caught the aroma of roast chicken from the kitchen. She was willing to bet there was birthday cake in there too.

"Omigod! You guys! This is amazing! I can't believe you did this!" she ran and hugged Fred tight. "And how are you here?! I thought you weren't coming back 'til tomorrow!"

"This is part two of our fiendish plan," Faith teased. "Fred was meant to come back late this afternoon, not tomorrow. We just **told **you tomorrow to throw you off the scent."

"Yeah, we were devious." Fred laughed.

"It worked." Buffy was close to tears. She couldn't believe how these two young women had just stepped in and worked to make her birthday so special. This was so unexpected.

"Dinner first, then presents, then cake!" Faith pronounced. "The official Summers family birthday rules must be followed to the letter."

Buffy laughed, but it brought to mind her mother, whose rules they were. She was so strict about her holiday traditions. She missed her mother, at least she missed the kind although rigid mother she used to know, not the unsmiling brittle one she left behind in November. She wondered what her mother was doing now, on her birthday. Did she even remember this day?

_Duh! Of course she does, you idiot. _Buffy knew that she would never forget the day of Katie's birth, no matter where Katie was in the world. She had to believe her own mother felt the same.

_I'm so sorry, mom. But I had to, I had to save Katie, I had to make sure she wasn't given away to strangers. _Buffy hoped one day her mom would understand and forgive her. Someday...

But today? Today there was cake and presents and the most aromatic chicken in the world just waiting on her to say the word.

"Let's eat!"

xxxxxxx

After dinner, the girls sat around the living room and just talked and shared stories of their lives before they knew each other. It was such a peaceful, happy evening, no cares, no worries, no outside world to interfere and disturb the harmony of that moment.

Katie was trying to grab her feet while propped up in Fred's lap. "She looks like she's gonna be blonde," Fred remarked. "Was her daddy blonde too?"

Buffy looked thoughtfully at her daughter and considered how to respond to that question. "No, but I was blonde my first few years too, so she probably got that from me." Buffy had no idea if her father were blonde, but the answer sounded safe enough, and could cover for whatever it turned out Katie would be. _Blonde? Huh._

Faith watched Buffy as she answered Fred's innocent question, and smiled softly at the way Buffy covered for her secret.

Buffy caught Faith's expression, and returned a sad smile of her own. Usually Buffy just completely dissociated her daughter from anything remotely father-like in her existence. When she thought about it at all, she almost thought of her like she was some test-tube baby, from some anonymous sperm bank. It hurt less that way, and she did so love her little girl. She didn't want to have to think about that night when she looked at her baby girl, she just wanted to sever the timeline in half -- Before Katie and After Katie. She was definitely AK right now. She didn't see any reason to think about BK ever again. 

Usually, that worked. But every now and then, it was harder to pull off. Buffy was so determined to sever that connection, that she found herself not thinking about BK at all. When it did come up, at times like today, she wondered how long she'd be able to keep that particular wall from crumbling.

_Well, whatever happened or happens, tonight...for tonight...it's just us. A beautiful happy birthday, no bad thoughts allowed.  
_  
Buffy smiled and asked if anyone else wanted more cake.

Faith's eyes followed Buffy into the kitchen. Deep down inside, she was worried. Things had a way of catching up with you, and denial only worked so long. She wondered how long it would be before it all caught up with Buffy. Because there were few certainties in life, but she knew this for a fact: this was gonna catch up with her young cousin someday, no matter how hard she tried to avoid it.

And that was a sure bet.

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Authors Note: Things are progressing well, and Spike will be coming later, please don't worry about it. I'm a big Spike fan, and he's a big part of this story, once we get to him. Meanwhile, I appreciate you sticking with me here.

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**Chapter Twelve**  
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_**Lessons**_

Buffy gazed at the birthday presents spread out before her on the bed. Fred, a woman who hadn't even known her two months ago, had been so generous, so thoughtful. The cake and dinner would have been enough, more than enough. But this? This was above and beyond.

Before her lay two new pairs of straight leg Levis, one pair of flared Levis, two short sleeve and one halter blousy tops remade from good quality thrift store finds, and a beautiful black vintage dress re-worked and modernized just enough, with soft black folds of fabric and absolutely perfect lace touches. They were exactly right, in every detail, and looked beautiful on her. They were so well-made they could have come from a major fashion house, rather than the living room of a shy Texas woman in a old apartment in a little town in California. Fred's talents were clearly wasted on hemming garments for dry cleaning customers.

_She must've been working on these when I couldn't come down, when Gary was home.  
_  
The dress and tops, clearly fashioned with her sketches and clippings in mind, had little buttons in their bodices, cleverly placed for easy breastfeeding. They were all so cunningly made and with wonderful details. And the jeans were perfectly sized and the lengths just right.

_How did she do this? How can they be so perfect?  
_  
Buffy had worked hard to get her figure back on track these last two months, and for the most part had succeeded in reaching her pre-pregnancy weight and proportions. Her breasts were still larger than usual, and her bottom was a little rounder, but she had no intentions of complaining on that score. In fact, she rather hoped, being young still and presumably still growing, that she wouldn't lose the extra bust size when breastfeeding ended. Anyway, one could live in hope.

The Tai Chi, along with regular exercises she did at home, seemed to be doing the trick. But her encounter with Zack the other day had her seriously spooked, and she was determined to learn how to defend herself in earnest. There was a kickboxing class starting up in a week, and she wanted to make sure she was in it. Fred had agreed to watch Katie for her during her classes twice a week, and she could use the library those days too. In return, Buffy would baby-sit Stevie for a day or an evening during an at-home week so she and Gary could have some quality couple time, perhaps go out on a 'date'.

Although Buffy had never loved school, lately she had been worried about her education. She knew that enrolling in high school was out of the question, but she thought she might be able to eventually get her GED and perhaps even go to college someday. But she couldn't do that with only a year and a half of high school education. That was why she decided to get a library card and start studying GED test subjects on her own, so that when she was finally old enough to stop worrying about being identified and returned home, she would be ready to take that test and move on with college right away, just like any other eighteen year old high school graduate could. She really didn't have much more than this intention worked out in her head, but she was determined to make her plan work somehow. She did not want to even think about raising her daughter having completed only a ninth grade education, and if she wanted to get on in the world as an adult, she'd need to prepare now. She would not even consider failure on that front. She'd been raised her whole life to assume she would attend college. Her life right now was just a bump in the road, and she fully believed she would eventually reach that destination.

But first, she had to absorb the knowledge. And that meant the library.

Meanwhile, there was a baby to feed and Fred downstairs, ready and willing to teach her how to make clothes that looked like this. She was absolutely determined that she would not only learn these skills, but that she'd learn them expertly. Making thrift store crap look like something from a fine boutique? That was a life skill she was not going to pass up learning, when a seamstress of this caliber was waiting to teach her, just one floor down.

xxxxxxx

Kickboxing class at the rec center was more fun than she'd thought it would be. Where Tai Chi had a calming yet energizing effect, and routine exercises built strength but ultimately were boring, kickboxing really let her get her aggressions out in a socially acceptable way, and she loved it. Plus, hopefully, if it ever came down to it, she'd be able to defend herself from an attacker.

So far she had managed to avoid running into Zack again, although she did notice him sometimes watching her from the window in the bar as she entered or left the building. It gave her the creeps. She had no idea what strange thoughts he hid behind his grave expression, because as far as she could tell, there just wasn't any 'there' there.

"You're doing great for a beginner."

Buffy startled out of her thoughts and turned quickly to see the handsome young man standing behind her.

"Oh! Thanks," she smiled brilliantly at Ben, the hunky instructor of the kickboxing class. She liked him quite a bit, although she was in no hurry to find a boyfriend at this time in her life. She had way too much on her plate right now to handle a boyfriend as well. Perhaps later, when she was more settled in her life and Katie was older.

Meanwhile, she didn't mind some harmless flirting. Flirting was fun when you knew you didn't have to follow up with anything afterward. It was just an innocent diversion, and safe. More than anything Buffy was aware of an overwhelming need to be safe where men were concerned. Her limited experience with them so far was not reassuring, and she had no intention of allowing herself to become involved with anyone until she felt more secure and protected. She did not permit herself to remember the reasons for her fears, she just accepted her need for extreme caution and tried not to think too hard about it.

Silence. 

This was always the hard part with Ben. He would come over and compliment something she did in class, and she would smile and say something appropriate back, and then they would stand awkwardly, neither knowing just what to do or say next. She wished he would give her more to work with here. In her former life, the boys she flirted with had had school in common with her, or a common link in living in New York. She had mutually familiar subjects to fall back upon for conversation. But here, in Sunnydale, she was lost. If she could just think of something **new** to say...

"Um...the class was very good today," she offered hopefully. "I liked the way you put that tall guy in his place when he was being too aggressive." There. That was a start.

"Yeah, he was a jerk." Ben nodded and folded his arms across his chest.

Silence.

"Yeah." 

_Brilliant conversation Buffy! Why don't you just pick your nose and belch? __**Really**__ impress him.  
_  
"Yeah." Ben looked at the ground, then around distractedly at the other students packing up to go.

Silence.

"Well, I've gotta go now, I have some appointments to keep," Ben mumbled and started to move away.

"Okay, see ya," she called softly to his retreating back.

He turned around, smiled, and walked backward a moment, calling out, "Yeah, see you around," then turned back away from Buffy, and left the rec center.

_Well, that was brilliant conversation Buffy. I'm sure he's gonna want to continue this talk later...Idiot! _she chided herself as she packed up her gym bag and left the rec center. 

She headed out for the Sunnydale City Library. There was book-larnin' to be done.

xxxxxxx

"I spoke to that woman I told you about today." Faith was changing for another date with Robin, as Buffy sat on the bed watching her.

"Woman...?" Buffy's eyebrows scrunched into a confused frown as she tried to remember what woman...

"The housecleaning lady?" No sign of recognition from Buffy. "So you could work? Remember?"

Ah! Yes. Work. She had repressed that particular fact about her new life. There would be actual work to get on with.

"Oh! Right. Housecleaning. I remember now," Buffy acknowledged. "What did she say?"

"She said she's willing to take you on, teach you how to do it. She said you'd have to work the same houses with her for a while, until you knew enough on your own. Then later she'd help you get some that were your own jobs to do."

"Teach me?" Buffy was puzzled. How hard can housecleaning be?

"Yeah, there's things you need to know about doing it right, so the clients will be happy with the job and want you back. It's a whole thing." Faith had moved on to make-up. "I wanna warn you. This lady, she's tough. She likes things to be 'just so', so she's gonna be real picky about how you do on these jobs." Faith looked at Buffy through the mirror. "If you want to work with her - and you're gonna need to make this work out - you'll hafta listen to what she says and do things her way."

Buffy nodded. _Great._ "I understand. And I will pay close attention and do what she says." Inside she groaned. _This is the part of the grown-up world that I am __**not**__ looking forward to. But hey! Money! Money is good._

"So...whadda ya think?" Faith stood and turned full circle. "Do I look hot and ready to dazzle?"

"You look beautiful," Buffy smiled at her cousin. It was Valentine's Day, and Robin was taking Faith to a really nice restaurant for dinner, then back to his place for...well, for the first time. **Their** first time. It was all so romantic.

"Yeah? You think so? He'll like?"

"He'll very like." Buffy looked at the clock. He'd be here any minute to pick her up.

**knock knock knock**

"There he is!" Faith turned back to Buffy. "Don't wait up!" she grinned.

"Go, have fun. And don't worry. This is gonna be a great evening. You look wonderful, and he's crazy about you. No worries."

Faith gave her a dazzling smile, and went to meet her guy for the big V-day date.

Someday, Buffy thought, she'd have such a date. Someday. But tonight - tonight she held Katie and ate ice cream in front of the TV.

"We'll just celebrate Valentine's together, won't we baby girl?"

Katie gurgled happily. This was all the love Buffy needed tonight. Baby love.

xxxxxxxx

Faith knew the strangest people.

The housecleaning lady standing before her was small, slim, attractive - and had long blue hair. And an accent of indeterminate origin. Russia? Ukraine? Albania? Somewhere cold and ancient.

"You will do," she pronounced with a decisive, imperious nod. Somewhere, apparently, with no sense of humor.

"Um, thanks?"

The lady didn't even blink. Ever, as far as Buffy could see. "Come. I will teach you."

Illyria. Even her name had a cold icy quality to it. And she reminded Buffy of someone.

"Get in," she directed Buffy to the car. "There is much to learn. You will pay attention and do exactly what I say when I say it." She looked at Buffy with cold expectancy.

"Do what you say when you say to do it. Gotcha." Buffy nodded as she buckled the car seat, complete with baby, into the back seat of Illyria's car.

Illyria had told her she could bring Katie with her to the jobs since she was unable to walk and get into any trouble in the client's houses. Buffy would need to deduct any time tending to Katie from the time billed to the client, but she thought that was only fair. They were paying her for housecleaning, not for breastfeeding her baby. Buffy didn't know yet what she would do when Katie started crawling, but for now this would work just fine.

Buffy wondered at the strange turnings her life was taking lately. She was actually being driven to an actual job working for a actual blue haired (Bulgarian?) woman with no sense of humor.

And she looked like someone Buffy knew. She thought it'd come to her eventually, but it was really bugging her. 

xxxxxxxx

Buffy collapsed on her bed. She honestly didn't know tired came in so many layers. Muscles she didn't even know she had, ached miserably. Perhaps she'd been too optimistic about all these simultaneous projects, and this was life's way of telling her to slow down. No. No. She was young and smart and she could do anything she set her mind to do. She just had to get used to working and find a balance. Learning to sew, learning kickboxing, reading her library books, cleaning houses, and taking care of both Katie and the apartment - she could do them all, of course she could. Balance is all, she just needed to hit the right balance. This would all work out and she would be fine.

But first, a soak in the tub and some serious sleep. Or maybe just...some...sleep...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Authors Note: Now, here's the deal. In California, a lot of municipal laws were recently passed regarding strip clubs and what may or may not happen within them. These more recent laws don't work in my story, so I've decided to completely ignore them and write the kinds of clubs you see on TV and in the movies, where it's a more libertine atmosphere. It's just less complicated that way. Hope you understand. Please don't get upset that I haven't got it right in the new legal reality as it might be in your own community, as it's intentional on my part.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Thirteen**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Haiku**_

Three Months Later

May 2004

There was something tacky and crude about a strip club during the daylight hours. Faith couldn't put her finger on it, because you'd think with no windows to reveal the time of day from the inside, the time of day wouldn't have any effect, but there was definitely something tawdry about the club during the daylight hours. The image of a cheap whore in the light of day sprang to mind.

She knew Robin would be here at this time, stocking the Monday deliveries, and doing the books for the weekend receipts. He didn't know she was coming, and she was nervous about it. She needed to talk to him, and she had no idea how he would react to her news.

_He said he loved me, it's gonna be okay, don't be nervous, be strong, don't be nervous, be strong, don't be nervous...  
_  
Faith usually found that when you had to talk yourself into something with such determination, that it was usually the wrong thing to be doing. But it was too late now, she was committed to this plan and hadn't come up with any realistic alternatives to avoid this conversation. _Don't be nervous..._

"Hey!" Robin walked into the room and spotted Faith immediately. "To what do I owe this very welcome interruption to my otherwise dreary day?" He strode up and gave her a big hug, and then took her elbow and walked her over to a nearby table. The club was closed on Mondays, so no one else was around to overhear their conversation.

_Be strong..._

"Um, well, I..." she trailed off and stared down at her hands, which were nervously playing with the hem of her jacket.

Robin frowned in concern. It wasn't like Faith to be so nervous, especially around him. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He reached across the table for her hand.

"Yes...no...sort of...I don't know," Faith fumbled. "This was a stupid idea." She rose from her chair but Robin held fast to her hand.

"Hey," he gentled, "Whatever it is, you can talk to me. What's wrong?" 

He was so sweet to her, so good. How would he feel when she told him what she wanted? _Stop it Faith. Just get it out there. He said he loves you. He can help. He will help.  
_  
"Faith, sit down." Robin said with quiet authority. He wanted her to relax and tell him what was wrong, and that wasn't going to happen unless she got control of herself and told him. He was becoming alarmed by her demeanor. What had his Faith so flighty and scared?

"Okay," Faith sat again. _Here goes. _"The thing is, and I wouldn't ask you if I thought I had any other options, but...I don't and...the thing is..." she looked up into Robin's concerned eyes and decided to just spit it out. "Frank fired me three weeks ago."

Robin leaned forward and took her other hand in his. "I'm so sorry, baby. I know you didn't like working for him, but I know that job was important to you. I don't understand why you didn't say something sooner. Three weeks ago?"

She nodded and looked deeply into his eyes. "Yeah, it pretty much screwed everything up. He said I made too many mistakes in the ordering, and I tried I really did but I just hated that job so much, and..." she trailed off and looked away. "Anyway, the rent's a week and a half late now, and Buffy, she don't earn enough to pay for it, for much of anything really, except for food and stuff for her and Katie, and she's just a kid and I can't ask her to support **me**, you know, even if she could, which she can't, and Frank badmouthed me to a lot of shop managers so no one will hire me now, and anyone who calls for a reference, he just says all these bad things about --"

"Faith. Stop. It's okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Of course."

Robin smiled at her and she felt such a sense of relief. Robin could help them, she should have just trusted him in the first place.

"That..that's great. Thank you." Faith smiled at him with her whole heart. "And you know, I'm good for it, I will absolutely pay you back."

Robin leaned back and looked at Faith a long moment. "You misunderstand me. I'm not lending you money."

Faith's smile froze as she tried to take in this unexpected turn. "I guess I don't understand..."

"I can get you work. You don't have to work for peanuts at any auto shop."

"What do you mean?" she tentatively asked.

"I'll give you a job."

"Here?" She flicked her gaze around the room as his words sank in. "I'm not even nineteen for another month, so I can't tend bar or anything, so I don't know..."

"No, not at the bar. But you've got the beauty and the moves to do well as a dancer, Faith. In fact, you'd be great." Robin smiled gently at her, but he was still leaning back in his chair, and she couldn't help but notice he hadn't taken her hand again.

"A dancer?" She looked down at her hands fidgeting with the hem of her jacket again.

"Absolutely. You'd be fantastic, I've always thought so," he nodded.

Faith was floored. She hadn't expected this kind of help, but it was the only offer she had right now and Mr. Kralik was not going to hold out another week on the rent. She needed the money, and she needed to get it fast. She just couldn't believe Robin was asking her to be a dancer in this club. It kinda shot the hell outta exclusivity in her opinion.

She looked up into Robin's eyes again, and saw there a shrewd calculation, sure, but also the same man who declared his love for her almost daily. She couldn't believe she was gonna do this, but she was gonna trust him. If he said this was something he thought she could do, then she could do it. He didn't seem disturbed by it that's for sure. And he'd often said the money the girls made was pretty good. And it wasn't forever, it was just until she found something better. Right?

"Okay, if you think I'd be any good at it. It's just another job, right?" she sounded so young, so uncertain, to her own ears.

Robin leaned in again and took both her hands in his. "You'll be great," he said gently. "It's a job, like any job. Except you'll earn a lot more money doing this and work half as hard. And the rent and food and clothes, whatever you need...no more problems. You get taken care of and we get the prettiest girl in Sunnydale to grace our fine establishment. It's a win-win." Then he smiled that smile that always turned her to goo.

And she knew she was going to do this, and that it would be just fine. She'd be okay. She thought, though, that she might not mention it to Buffy for awhile, at least not until she got used to it herself. What Buffy didn't know couldn't hurt her. Right?

Faith graced Robin with an optimistic smile. "So. What do I do first?"

xxxxxx

While Faith was in San Martine making some hard decisions about where her life would take her next, Buffy was in Sunnydale enjoying her afternoon. She'd taken the bus to the library this morning to check out some books on world history, and passed by a coffee bar that had piqued her interest on earlier trips through the nicer parts of Sunnydale. _The Espresso Pump_. It called out to her every time the bus drove past, but she had never gotten off and explored it further.

But on that afternoon, after rebelliously checking out books on the history of fashion design - instead of world history as her 'life plan' required - she decided to splurge a little on herself and stop in and get a latte and a chocolate chip croissant. She felt very naughty while doing both, as neither were part of the budget or the 'life plan' she'd laid out for herself, but it was a beautiful day and she felt young and carefree and wanted the feeling to last a little while longer, even if it meant scrimping a bit later on. Katie was safe with Fred this afternoon, and for just a short time she wanted to be a sixteen year old girl whose worries were more along the lines of which boy to allow to take her to the dance than wondering if that new detergent was any better at getting baby vomit out of a silk blouse than the current brand had proven to be.

Sitting down at a small table situated next to the front windows of the establishment, she settled in to read one of her new books while she slowly picked at her croissant and tried to make the afternoon slow down. She was in absolutely no hurry to catch the bus back across town today.

While Buffy occupied herself with the history of Western fashion, a few high school students wandered into the _Espresso Pump _after school had let out for the day. A couple sat down near Buffy, and although she tried to be polite and concentrate on her own reading, their conversation caught her attention and she found herself listening in on their discussion. Apparently, a member of their group - not present - had found himself publicly cuckolded and the subject of intense interest and sympathy. 

"Did you see him in World Lit today?" The redheaded girl scrunched her eyebrows in an expression of pained sympathy. "It was so sad."

The tall brunette boy nodded wisely. "I think pathetic is more like it. He's wearing his heart on his sleeve -- the better to get it stomped on and wrung out like a... bloody... spongy... heart... on a... sleeve... Okay, that analogy could use some punching up," he shrugged.

Little Red-haired Girl grimaced but nodded just the same. "Not liking that visual, but yeah, he's really not taking this well." She sipped her coffee.

Brunette Boy shook his head sympathetically. "Fifteen haiku on the heartbreak of young love. It was brutal."

"Drusilla was his **world**,"Little Red-haired Girl sadly noted.

Buffy frowned_. Drusilla? What kind of a weird ass name is Drusilla?  
_  
"I especially liked the one where he compared the hopelessness of young love to the mating ritual of the praying mantis. They have sex - she devours him alive. Very moving." Brunette Boy pondered thoughtfully.

Little Red-haired Girl nodded, "I thought the sucking quicksand one was very good."

_Don't laugh...don't laugh...don't laugh... _Buffy knew she couldn't react or they'd know she was listening. But it was hard.

Brunette boy shook his head and sighed, then offered his take on the bitter breakup. "He's better off without the Looney Tunes. He needs to find a nice normal girl who won't consider going down on half the band a little harmless 'exploration of boundaries'." Brunette Boy sighed wistfully, "I wish I was in a band."

"Okay, that's a little more than I want to know about your fantasy life," Little Red-haired Girl declared. She took a quick long sip of her coffee and turned several shades of red.

"Sorry. Teenage boy here. Hormones and kinky fantasies are kinda a package deal," he explained. "The heart wants what it wants." He waxed philosophical.

"The heart?" Little Red-haired Girl asked doubtfully.

"Well, okay. The hormones want what they want. There probably isn't a lot of 'heart' involved in that particular fantasy." He grinned goofily.

Little Red-haired Girl gave her friend a mock-glare, then gathered her book bag and got up to leave. Brunette Boy followed closely behind her as they exited the bar.

_Fifteen haiku on the hopelessness of young love...I'd love to hear __**that**__ someday.  
_  
Buffy went back to her book, finished her croissant and nursed her latte as she tried to stretch the afternoon a little while longer. She found herself longing to have high school friends again, friends like those she listened in on today.

_That part of my life is over, so __**get**__ over it, Buffy.  
_  
She looked at her watch. Time to catch that damn bus. Back to real life again. Her life. Her drearily adult life.

_I wonder what kind of haiku someone would write about me.  
_

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Author's Note: The paths are crossing but not yet convergent. Please be patient while the story unfolds as it must. Your patience will be rewarded.

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**Chapter Fourteen**  
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_**Scars**_

Mother's Day

It was a Summers Mother's Day family tradition. First thing Sunday morning, the girls would make breakfast in bed for their mother, who would feign surprise at the treat and dutifully eat whatever was placed before her with cheerful good grace. Even if it were technically inedible, the result was always the same: praise and gratitude for a thoughtful loving gesture from her two girls, and a silent promise to herself that soon she **must** teach her daughters how to cook.

And so it was that on this Sunday morning, fourteen year old Dawn Summers single-handedly continued the tradition by awakening her mother and attempting to place a tray of Mother's Day breakfast treats before her. Unfortunately, this year, Joyce was not up to the game.

"Go away!" came the muffled moan from beneath the covers.

"Mom! It's Mother's Day. Time to get up." Dawn gently coaxed.

Inarticulate mutterings drifted up out of the comforter, and Joyce attempted to sit up and see what on earth Dawn was going on about. "Wha...Dawn, do you know how early it is?" Joyce mumbled tiredly.

"It's not early. It's nine." Dawn patiently explained, holding the heavy tray before her.

"I'm not in the mood for this...today...take it away..." Joyce muttered dismissively as she laid back down and pulled the covers up again, trying to block out both sun and food.

"But it's Mother's Day..." Dawn trailed off. She couldn't believe her mother was doing this to her, on today of all days. "It's tradition."

Joyce was in no mood. "Dawn, I said go **away**" she snarled and put the pillow over her head to block out the day and her daughter.

Dawn stood there with her tray in her hands, feeling very hurt and also very stupid. Obviously, the only daughter Joyce wanted to hear from wasn't there today. Dawn felt stupid for even trying to keep the family traditions alive.

She felt soft tears wet her face as she took the tray of food back to the kitchen and left it on the table, untouched. She wasn't sure what to do now. She began to cry harder.

Looking at the phone on the kitchen wall, she decided she was going to call her dad and tell him what was going on here, beg him to come home. And then she was going to have herself a good cry and go to the mall to buy some new bikinis for summer.

Dawn Summers was more than hurt. She was angry. And she had had enough.

xxx

When she called her dad's cell phone she was surprised to find that he was actually in town for Mother's Day, driving in from the airport even as they spoke. Hank had also made some decisions, and he'd had enough, too. He reassured Dawn that he would take care of everything and to go ahead and go out and leave her mother to him. He was back.

For the first time in months Dawn felt some cautious optimism about the home front. Daddy was coming back. Daddy would take care of her, even if her mother no longer cared to.

xxx

When Hank came home that morning, he roughly awakened his wife and poured coffee into her with ruthless determination. He'd had some months of soul-searching while traveling around the globe. The surface story was that he was working all those months, but in reality he used his work as an escape from a family he could no longer bear to be near for any length of time. He didn't know the deeper reasons as to how or why his family was so shattered, but he did know that the immediate catalyst was his eldest daughter. Buffy. There may have been problems bubbling underneath the surface, and certainly he had to bear his share of the blame, but it was Buffy who had inadvertently ripped the lid off and shown them all what really lay below. And now she was gone and those left behind were also left staring at the remains of their happy home, now just a hollow shell of the family they had appeared to be.

And so he had finally made some decisions. He was not going to throw away his marriage or shirk his family responsibilities any longer. The family was falling apart and he wasn't going to let that continue any further. He was going to shape up, and he was going to make damn sure that Joyce did too.

That Sunday in May, Joyce and Hank had a long, emotionally draining confrontation about where they'd been and where they wanted to be. Joyce agreed to allow Hank to pour out all of the liquor, and would enter a program for alcoholics. Her behavior toward Dawn this last year and especially on that morning was starkly laid out before her; it was an eye-opener for Joyce, and she was deeply ashamed of herself. She wanted more than anything to save her marriage and be a good mother to the one daughter she still had left. 

So Hank and Joyce made plans that day. Plans to save their marriage, their home, and their daughter. Buffy was lost to them, they could do nothing to save her any longer, even if they knew where she was now. But Dawn was still there, crying out for love and attention, and by God they were going to do right by their youngest girl. They would pull the Summers family together, happy and whole: Joyce, Hank, and Dawn. Buffy had made her decisions, and now they would make theirs, as a family: mourning for Buffy and what could have been was done. It was time for the Summers family to move on. 

xxxxxxxxxx

Three thousand miles away, that same daughter found herself in a very subdued mood for her first Mother's Day. She missed her own mother, and was still getting used to the idea that now she was a mother, too. There was a surreal quality to the entire day, and a restless discontent that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Faith had Sunday off, and had made Buffy breakfast that morning as a special treat. Then she left to spend some quality time with Robin before the club opened for the day. Faith had just recently told her that she had quit her job at the auto shop to become a waitress in Robin's club. Buffy wasn't happy about that, but felt that it was Faith's life and surely she knew what she was doing. She couldn't imagine, herself, working as a waitress in such a club, but she and Faith didn't think along the same lines on that subject. And the tips Faith brought home now were very good. At least there was that.

_Live and let live. _Buffy was trying to live that philosophy where Faith was concerned. It was hard sometimes.

Fred had stopped by with a present that confused Buffy initially_. Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care. _Buffy sincerely thanked Fred for the book, while inwardly wondering what kind of baby advice a Vulcan TV character could offer a new mother. Once Fred understood her confusion, she broke down in helpless giggles, then quickly explained that _Dr. Spock_ and _Mr. Spock_ were two entirely different people. Apparently this Dr. Spock guy knew a lot about raising kids. Fred swore by him, and Buffy felt that was good enough for her. It'd have to be; Buffy noticed that it was a very thick book.

xxxx

When Faith returned home late in the afternoon, Buffy left Katie in her hands and took the bus to the beach to sit and think and watch the sun set. She really needed some alone time to get her thoughts together, and to hopefully find some peace for her troubled heart. She was surprised that the holiday had caught her so off guard, and wondered at the reason for it. It was a melancholy that Buffy did not often permit herself to experience, so when it came suddenly upon her, she was shaken by it all the more.

She found a comfortable place on the rock jetty jutting out into the ocean. She silently watched as the sky became imbued with soft reds and purples, and the evening star made it's first appearance. It was a lovely sunset, the end of a melancholy yet peaceful day. When the sky had turned full dark, Buffy rose and made her way back to the bus stop and home.

xxxxxx

On the pier that day, at the same moment that Buffy was seeking for quiet peace within the beauty of nature, another sixteen year old stood at the end of the fishing pier smoking a cigarette and drinking straight from a bottle of Jack Daniels secreted beneath his coat. He hated Mother's Day as a general rule; hated being reminded that his own mother was in England getting on with her new husband and her new life, a life that did not include him any longer. He had been sent to his uncle in Sunnydale when his parents divorced two years previously; his mother's new husband having no use for a teenage boy in his life, and his father understanding clearly that he was in no position to raise his son without changing his own libertine and chaotic lifestyle. So at the age of fourteen he was sent packing to his uncle's family in America; a sensitive child made more so by the turn his family life had taken and the sudden uprootedness of his existence.

His uncle was a good man, as was his wife a kind and patient woman, and they both loved the boy dearly. But the hurt and the anger ran deep, and the boy didn't exactly adjust easily into a California lifestyle. So the boy decided that the sensitive child he had been needed to toughen up and he adopted a swagger and a style that reflected this new persona, although the sensitive poet within him remained untouched.

This outward change had the added benefit of attracting good male friends and also proving quite attractive to the opposite sex. And his first girlfriend turned out to have been his first great love. She showed him a side of life, love, and sex that until then he had only dreamed about; she was his dark goddess, and he worshipped at her altar.

That his great love turned out to have been a little crazy, and ultimately cheated on him with half the members of the house band at a local club, cut him to the core. He was a romantic idealist at heart, and he had naively assumed that their love would last a lifetime, pure and unpolluted by the outside world. That it had lasted only a little more than a year was a truth he found devastating. For the second time, a woman had hurt him beyond the telling of it. But it was easier to be angry than to be in pain, less hurtful to cause suffering than to experience it.

Thus it was that the boy put his romantic idealism away, and became the sort of man he had previously only viewed with contempt. Women were not to be trusted. Women had trampled his love underfoot; his heart he had freely given but in return received only ridicule and pain. He had learned the lesson well, and he would turn it around on his tormenters, these girls and women. He would no longer give his heart to the opposite sex. He would pursue them, seduce them, and use them without remorse. 

His carefully crafted tough persona had now reached inside and he had become that man in truth. From now on, he was the Big Bad. No woman would get close enough to hurt him ever again.

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Authors Note: I am utilizing the characters which already exist in the Buffyverse to as great a degree as I can. I am trying to keep those characters as close to their original characterization and relationships as I can, but I am somewhat limited by the story I am trying to tell. I have to fit them in there and this means that sometimes a character is used in a position for one purpose but must take on other characteristics that are not part of the Buffyverse or may not be as pleasant as one would like them to be, but the story requires that particular attitude or behavior be seen in the same character. No negative stereotyping is intended within this story. Each character is his/her own person, for good or bad, as the story requires it. I am completely opposed to character bashing in fanfiction, and to stereotyping in general. And this is not in reference to Spike, who is a complex combination of bad and good all on his own, so please don't panic anybody. I love Spike too. :-)

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**Chapter Fifteen**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**The Devil's In The Details**_

One Week Later

It was eight o'clock on a Thursday morning in May, and Buffy sat in her kitchen feeding Katie her cereal and pears. As usual, more of the food wound up on the high chair, on the floor, and on Katie than actually made it inside of her daughter. She couldn't believe she thought this, but she actually liked **changing** her little girl more than **feeding** her. Changing was so much more predictable. And nothing beat the belly raspberries that she blew on her tummy and the baby giggles that followed at the end of the process. Feeding, however, was all about waiting for the baby to look her way and cooperate by opening her mouth, and then cleaning up an ever expanding mess afterwards. Nope, **no** contest

_I'm probably going to wind up with very clean skinny children.  
_  
She was just about to wipe up all the mess, when she was startled by Fred rushing excitedly into the apartment waving the morning edition of the local newspaper in front of her.

"You have to read this!" Fred shoved the paper before Buffy's face and pointed to an editorial above the fold on page three.

_"A Serial Killer in our Midst?  
Authorities Hiding the Truth!_

Since March 25th, five young women have  
been brutally raped, tortured, and mutilated,  
their bodies left near the side of the roads  
on the hillsides along the Central Coast  
between Sunnydale and Santa Cruz.

The similarities between the five homicides  
clearly indicate that a serial killer is walking  
among us. All five women were sexually  
mutilated in the same sadistic manner..."

Buffy quickly read the newspaper article that Fred had placed before her this morning. Apparently the authorities had been downplaying the five murders in order to avoid alarming the residents, the college students, their parents, and the tourists that were expected to boost the local economy during the summer months. The local press felt the authorities were stonewalling the investigation and the media, and were taking them to task for it.

"Oh, God," Buffy's heart sank as she wiped some pureed pears off the paper and passed it back to Fred. Could it be...? "Do you think it's..." She really didn't want to finish that sentence.

"Zack?" Fred said reluctantly. "Could be. He is very...strange...and he has been watching you pretty much all the time since that day in the laundry room..." she trailed off.

Buffy had told Fred about her encounter with Zack that rainy day in January, and both girls had kept a close eye on him ever since. But not in their wildest dreams did they think he might be considered dangerous to this level and degree. A serial rapist-killer...that was a whole new worry to consider.

"What should we do?" Buffy asked unhappily. She didn't want to call attention to herself with the authorities, and they had no proof that the landlord's odd son had done anything wrong, but still...what if it **were** Zack that committed these crimes? How could she live with herself knowing she suspected and said nothing?

"Well, I think we should tip the police that he's here and acting strangely. Let them decide whether there's anything there or not." Fred put forward. "We have to let them know so they can stop him, if it is him."

Nodding, Buffy turned away and started cleaning up Katie and the tray. She had never fessed up to Fred about her real age and reasons for being in Sunnydale. How could she explain her reluctance to get involved with the authorities? For all she knew, there was a missing persons bulletin out there on her and Katie, perhaps even a warrant for her arrest for taking Katie the way she did. She really had no idea what her parents might have done when they found them gone. She remembered all too clearly the threats her mother had made at the time, however.

Fred noticed that Buffy was reluctant to get involved, even though Zack clearly frightened her. She watched her clean up after Katie's breakfast and then sat down with her for a cup of morning tea. She needed to let Buffy know she knew something was wrong there, had for awhile now.

"Sweetie, I know you're carryin' a secret you don't want anyone to know," she started carefully.

Buffy tensed immediately and began to deny anything of the sort but Fred put her hand on her arm and stopped her before she got started.

"It's okay. Whatever it is, I'm not going to tell anyone, your secret is safe with me." Fred smiled reassuringly and hoped Buffy wouldn't become defensive and refuse to admit the truth.

Buffy had thought that hearing those words out of Fred's mouth would be terrifying and was astonished that the feeling they evoked was closer to relief. After holding her breath for about five seconds, she suddenly burst into tears. Fred enveloped her in her arms immediately, and rocked her until she could get control again.

"Shhh...there...it's all right...it's gonna be alright..." Fred cooed softly into Buffy's hair as she held the weeping girl. "No one's gotta know anything you don't want 'em to...your secret is safe with me...it's gonna be alright..." Over and over Fred soothed the poor girl, stroking her hair softly until Buffy could regain her composure again.

"I'm so sorry...so sorry...I...I...I lied to you..." Buffy shook her head back and forth while pleading with Fred to understand. "I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay, sweetie, I kinda suspected you weren't completely truthful when we first met. It's not my business if you don't wanna tell me what's got you so worried." Fred brushed some hair behind Buffy's ear and handed her some tissue to wipe her eyes. "You don't have to tell me, it's okay, sweetie."

But that's exactly what Buffy did that morning; she told Fred everything - leaving out the rape, as she just was not willing to trust anyone else with that yet. Fred just smiled patiently and gave no indication she was startled or concerned about the things Buffy told her that morning. She was surprised by how really young Buffy actually was, but a lot of time had passed since that first meeting, and Fred believed that the girl before her had earned the right to her life and her independence in the months she'd known her. Buffy was a resourceful, caring mother and Fred thought that if she felt she needed to run away and live with Faith in order to keep her daughter with her, that she would support her in that effort and keep her secret safe for her. And that's exactly what she told her, prompting Buffy to launch herself into Fred's arms for a fierce hug and grateful babbling thanks. 

Fred loved this girl, she really did.

Meanwhile, there was Zack to deal with. They decided that Fred would make the tip, anonymously, and let the police deal with Zack without Buffy's involvement in any way. And if the police cleared him, then they'd both sleep better knowing they'd done what they could and that Zack was not the killer that was being sought.

xxxxx

At the police tip line - set up after the third murder victim had been found - the officer took down the information regarding the suspicious tenant that the anonymous caller reported to him. When he hung up the phone, he placed the information on the stack of other tips and leads that came through the line, an ever growing pile of information which had grown even taller once the newspaper editorial hit the stands the previous day. Everyone in the area had a weird relative or knew someone that acted hinky, and was only too happy to make sure the police checked them out.

At this rate, the young officer thought glumly, it'd be 2009 before they were able to track down all these leads. The phone rang again, and he started a new report.

"Yes, sir...your father-in-law, you don't say...**what** exactly did he do last Tuesday?... I see... yes, sir... yes, sir... a chicken... yes, sir, I got that... you don't say... yes, sir, that **is** strange... yes, sir..."

It was gonna be a long day. 

xxxxxxxxxx

Lorne Krevlornswath was usually a happy man.

He was tall, athletic, blessed with a wonderful sense of style if he did say so himself, had a fantastic singing voice, a priceless sense of humor, and the ability to size people up within moments of meeting them. He was a good-natured man, and loved people in general. And he thought he lived a good life.

He was known to his co-workers and patrons as 'The Host', and his job was to act as emcee, DJ, and general manager of the girls who danced at _The Paradise Club_ in San Martine, California.

San Martine was a small town situated a good thirty minute drive north and inland from the beach community of Sunnydale. It didn't have a lot going for it in terms of business or tax base, so the town government found they could not resist one area of municipal wealth that they could cash in on to keep the coffers filled. And that area was adult entertainment. While most cities and counties in the state had enacted new laws which strictly limited the boundaries of the adult entertainment industry, San Martine had taken advantage of the rather large customer base that was forced to seek their entertainment in less restrictive environments. San Martine had no intention of enacting any new ordinances regarding it's adult clubs, and therefore had a powerful draw to the owners of such businesses and their all-too-willing customers. A strip club in San Martine was an old-fashioned strip joint in every sense of the word, and no fussy town council was chomping at the bit to limit their lawful activities now that such laws had become popular in other communities. The town council of San Martine saw dollars in the bank, and were not particular as to how that money came into the city. There were more strip clubs and adult theaters in the town than churches or schools. And Mayor Wilkins liked it that way.

Lorne was a free-spirited man whose motto in life had always been live and let live. He saw his work in the club as protecting civil liberties for society as a whole, while making a good living for himself and his employers. At the same time he also saw himself as protector of the girls themselves, shielding them as much as he could from predatory customers who tried to get too up close and personal with their favorite dancers. He was big brother and father confessor all rolled into one, and the girls who were not too cynical to care any longer truly liked and some might say even loved him.

But it was his empathy for the trials and tribulations of his fellow man that sometimes made it difficult for him to truly enjoy his profession. Some of the girls who came to dance in clubs such as this came from hard lives and with little hope of a better future. He knew that there were a substantial number of women who danced who did not come to the profession out of hopelessness, drug addiction, or emotional damage, for whom dancing was a conscious and free decision made with a healthy sense of self-esteem, but too many he saw pass through these clubs in San Martine tended to be of the damaged variety, and he sometimes almost literally felt their pain. He was feeling some of that pain right now.

The main bartender and general manager, Robin, had mentioned that his girlfriend was interested in becoming a dancer in the club. Lorne spoke often to Robin, in fact they were friends, and knew that although he could be a hard ass he did truly seem to care deeply about this girl - Faith, her name was - and did not believe he was actually exploiting her situation to further his own ends. But he also could tell immediately that Faith was not exactly thrilled with the career choice she was committing to at this very moment. It was not his place to interfere, however, and so he gave her the tour and the rules just as he would any new dancer they were hiring on at _The Paradise Club_.

"Okay, honey, pay attention and I'll give you the ten-dollar tour," he smiled and waved a hand around the club. "In the front here is the 'floor', and that's where the bar, the tables, and the stage are. When you're not dancing a set you should be working the floor for private dances, that's where the money is." He continued on, "To the front left of the floor, back here, is the private booth area, and this is where the private dances are done."

They entered the area, and as Faith looked around curiously, Lorne described how the private dances worked.

"Never go into the private dance area with a customer until the song that was on before completely ends or you'll have it charged to you as a full dance," he cautioned. They went behind the curtain of a 'booth', a little room with a vinyl sofa and a little carpeted wooden box, about two feet square. "The private dances are sixty dollars each, and get paid up front. If a customer leaves without paying you, you'll still owe the club it's cut." Lorne pointed out the carpeted box to Faith. "Before you can start your dance you have to step up on this box and start from there. By law we're a theater, and nude dances must start from a stage." He pointed to the box. "This is your stage."

Faith took in the little carpeted stool-stage, and would have laughed if she wasn't so depressed and scared by the entire prospect of actually 'performing' for a living there. Her stage. _Holy Mother of --_

Lorne went on to tell her what a customer could and could not touch or do during a dance, and what the dancer could and could not do also. "Remember your rotation, get through your private dances but also listen for your rotation because you must perform your set when it's your turn. No exceptions. But do try to get the customer to sit through more than a couple of dances. Remember, that's--"

"--where the money is. Gotcha."

Lorne stopped and considered the girl before him. She was such a mixture of innocent lamb and worldly-wise street kid that he found himself completely charmed by her. _That's what Robin sees in her...that and she's a knockout.  
_  
"When you finish the private dance, leave the booth right away so some other dancer can use it. Then get dressed to the side here before you go out onto the floor. You can't go onto the floor nude." She nodded, and he went on, "You can settle up your private dances as you go or at the end of the night, but babycakes it will make the end of the night go a lot smoother if you settle as you go." He gave her a wide smile. "No one leaves until everyone has settled up and I escort you to the parking lot, so the faster that goes the sooner we all can go home and soak our doggies."

Faith looked at him blankly.

"Feet."

Faith nodded, "Oh, right...feet...and settle up as I go."

Lorne nodded, and watched her look around the tacky booth a moment, then started up the tour again, "On to the dressing room..."

xxx

Faith began dancing that night, hesitantly at first, and then with more confidence as the night wore on. Robin had given her some tips on how to sell a performance also, and she decided that if the law said this was theater, then she was going to be a damn fine actress. She decided that she wasn't really a stripper - she just played one. It made it easier to get into the spirit of the thing. One thing Robin mentioned to her also helped - think of the set as an ad for the private dances she would try to sell between sets.

Because that's where the money was. 

xxxxxxxx

I NEVER do this, because I don't believe in telescoping my plots, but just so no one panics out there, let me reassure you that Spike is not the killer in spite of his bitter new attitude, and yes he is going to be more a part of this story soon so please stick around. And don't expect me to tell you anything in advance like that again, except in very rare instances. I'm evil that way. :-)

Also, some of the tour of the club Lorne gives Faith was completely based upon an article I read recently regarding the first night as a stripper of a girl in Orange County, California. The article is a first-person narrative called Private Dancer, by Elan. I didn't use much of it for the story, but it was a fascinating article and the details were irresistible, especially since my knowledge of the actual workings of such a club is zero.

Sara


	4. Chapter 16 thru 20

The Song Remains the Same

By Sara M

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Authors Note #1: The title of this chapter comes from a common phrase here; where May is likely to be a sunny pleasant month, June rolls in with overcast days and chillier weather, especially in the mornings. We call it June Gloom. Thank God for it, cuz it makes Spike's coat make more sense this time of year.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Sixteen**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**June Gloom **_

_Two weeks 'til school's out - God! will this term never end!?  
_  
Spike slouched in the back of World History class, bored out of his mind. 

_And World War II ends with the allies in victory. Now there's a stunner. Didn't see that one comin'.  
_  
He pulled his coat closer around him and slipped one hand in the pocket to stroke his pack of cigarettes longingly.

_Won't be needin' that German class after all then. Good to know.  
_  
Mrs. Gryphon was saying something or other to the class now...no...wait...to him. _Uh-oh_.

"Mr. Rayne?"

_Better answer somethin'.  
_  
"Uh...Yeah."

"Yes what?"

Spike frowned. "Yes...ma'am?" _Ring! Godammit!_

"Well, thank you. But the actual question was --"

_**Rinnnnnnnggggg**_

The entire class launched out of their seats and herded toward the doors, Spike in the forefront.

_Thank God!_

Mrs. Gryphon frowned at their collective backs, then sat back down at her desk in resignation.

_This isn't the way they taught it in college, _she pouted to herself as she looked around the now empty classroom. _Dammit! I need a cigarette!_

xxxxx

Spike smoked that cigarette he'd jonesed for in the second boys' bathroom off the side corridor, and then headed for the cafeteria. It was packed with students, all sitting at their tables, sorted by group and status in nonnegotiable stratas, as they had been all year. Nerdy outcasts over there, popular cheerleaders and jocks there, druggies to the rear, his old friends in that corner, and his current friends right there. All was as it should be, had been all year. Except...

Except his current friends table wasn't looking too attractive to him right now. His friends were there all right, just as always: Angel, Parker, Forrest, Graham. And Drusilla. Right there as always. Drusilla.

Bad enough that Dru had cheated on him so publicly, but worse was the fact that she had a new boyfriend now, one who had been one of Spike's good friends for more than a year. And there they were, kissing and laughing at his table for God's sake, just like he wasn't standing right there watching the whole spectacle and hurting and fuming by turns. Dru sat on Angel's lap and played with the buttons of his shirt while his former best friend kissed her neck and said God knew what in her ear. Whatever it was, it made her laugh all the more...

Spike couldn't stand the sight a moment longer. It was torture watching those two act out before him, a real slap in his face. No, he wouldn't be sitting at that table again any time soon.

He noticed Darla was also missing, poor chit. The new coupling hit her hard too, he knew. And she didn't deserve that treatment any more than Spike did, in his opinion.

_Wonder where's she got herself off to.  
_  
He looked around but didn't see her anywhere. What he did see, though, made him pause. If he wasn't going to sit with his current friends any more, he could perhaps hang with the old friends, if they'd have him there. He hadn't left their table under the best of terms, but they were a forgiving bunch, and they might let him back in if he handled it right. Worth a shot. Drusilla had been the major reason for the seating switch originally anyway. It briefly occurred to him that Dru seemed to be deciding where a lot of people sat and didn't when she was around, and he didn't think that was right but he'd give that more thought later. Right now he needed to get to a table before he stood out as a man without a home and looked any more pathetic than he already had. _Damn women!_

His face settled into a ferocious frown as he whipped his coat around him and strode purposefully to the old friends table and slid into a chair as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

Which, judging from the startled reactions of those already seated, apparently it was not.

"Um...hi." Willow greeted him nervously from his immediate right. She had this deer in headlights look to her that made him briefly wonder if he'd grown another head suddenly. He gave her a hard look, to which she visibly flinched. That's when he realized she wasn't so much startled any more, as frightened, and he remembered that the ferocious frown that worked so well with some was the exact wrong approach to take with Willow or any of his old friends really.

Willow was thunderstruck. Spike never sat with them any more, barely even spoke to them really, and the look he was giving their entire table was so evil and predatory. She found herself wondering where the rest of the invading army was...

"Uh...yeah...sorry 'bout that," Spike started again more humbly, schooling his face into something less...fangy. "Just thought I'd see what you all were up to lately is all...thought I'd sit with you today..."

Xander frowned and bit out angrily, "Good approach. Will you be taking prisoners today, or is this a seek and destroy mission?" He stabbed into a pile of mashed potatoes as though he was trying to tame them into submission.

Spike idly wondered if he were next on the business end of Xander's spork.

"Right." Spike didn't really know where to start, and was wondering if this was a worse idea than sitting with Angel and Dru would've been. "Listen, I know I 'aven't been 'round much lately, but I thought maybe -"

"Dru dumped you so you thought you'd come crawling back to us, is that it?" Xander glowered. Spike wondered when Xander got all glowery. He didn't remember him being so much with the big attitude previously. He liked it.

Oz sat on Willow's right, and watched the exchange with calm interest. It was hard to get excited about a fight whose main weapon so far was a fiercely wielded spork. He took Willow's hand underneath the table and squeezed to get her attention. When she turned to him and appeared to be alright so far, he decided to make his one statement of the day.

"Spike."

"Oz."

The two stared at each other without blinking for a moment, and satisfied with what he saw there, Oz nodded approval. He then turned his gaze on Willow again, who squeezed his hand and smiled softly, and then went back to eating his lunch.

The decision was made, and Willow smiled at Spike and welcomed him to the table with a nod, while Xander shrugged in reluctant approval as well.

There would be no spork fight in the cafeteria today.

xxxxxxxxxx

It was a beautiful birthday, her best one ever in Faith's opinion. Buffy had gone all out at home, with a banner and balloons and a store-bought cake that was quite good and a relief to Faith who'd feared she'd have to fake her way through a Buffy-made one. They did a birthday lunch rather than dinner, as Robin had plans for Faith for the evening. Buffy ordered Faith's favorite Chinese take out and they ate and laughed and opened presents from Fred and Buffy and Katie. Buffy had been saving and planning since her own special day six months before. Faith loved it all.

Afterwards, Robin took Faith out to their favorite fancy restaurant, near the marina, and they ate and talked and shared their hopes and dreams for the future. At the end of the delicious meal he gave her a beautiful ruby pendant necklace and chain that was clearly too expensive but gratefully accepted all the same. When he placed it around her neck, Faith felt like a queen.

Then they walked along the fishing pier and kissed and made out for awhile, ending up back at Faith's apartment where Robin would spend the night for the first time. Always before they had been at Robin's but tonight - tonight Faith wanted to bring her boyfriend home into her world for a change. It just seemed so right this time, and like they were the only two people in the world.

Buffy woke up around one-thirty, and decided to get herself a glass of water from the kitchen. As she left her room she heard low moans in the living room, and very quietly made her way down the hall and peeked around the corner.

There, directly in her sight line, were Robin and Faith, completely nude and in the throes of passion. Robin had Faith bent over the sofa, his hands gripping her hips and thrusting strongly into her from behind. His eyes were squeezed shut with a focused determination and Faith was moaning with the impact of each thrust, eyes closed tight and clearly lost in the sensations he was creating in her. Neither seemed aware that they now had an audience.

Buffy knew this was very wrong, that she had no right to stop and stare at her cousin in this way, but she found it impossible to turn away. The act before her was so compelling, and she'd never seen anything like this in the flesh. This was nothing at all like the bad porn movies she'd watched previously. This was two people truly into each other and who had thrown themselves body and soul into the act itself. It didn't hurt that they were both incredibly beautiful, either. She had never been so turned on in her entire life.

The climax was building, you could tell from the increase in both pace and moaning cries, and Buffy reluctantly decided to pull herself away before she got caught watching. Just as she was about to turn around, Robin's eyes flew open and he looked straight into her own. Mortified, she wanted to run away now, but his eyes just pinned her to the spot and dared her to watch to the conclusion. When she didn't leave, he gave her a small smile and then sped up his thrusts with passionate intensity, never taking his eyes off of Buffy.

Suddenly Faith cried out Robin's name in climax, and he shut his eyes again and allowed himself to come with a few more hard thrusts. When he opened them again, Buffy was gone.

Buffy didn't get much sleep that night. Neither did Faith.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Chapter Seventeen**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Secrets**_

When Buffy arose and came into the kitchen with Katie the following morning, Robin was already seated at the table eating bacon and eggs and reading the paper. She stopped dead in her tracks as he looked up and smiled, "Good morning."

Buffy blushed, averted her eyes and mumbled her 'good morning'. She then sat Katie in her high chair, keeping her own back toward him as much as possible. 

"Where's Faith?" Buffy didn't look his way once as she busied herself strapping the baby in.

"Shower," Robin allowed himself an amused grin, then wiped it off his face when he saw Buffy turn his way again. He needn't have worried. She was looking everywhere _but_ at him this morning.

_She's cute when she's embarrassed. _He went back to his paper and tried to keep from smiling at her discomfort.

Buffy mixed cereal and cut a banana for Katie's breakfast, and tried as much as possible not to look anywhere near Robin.

_I may never look him in the eye again as long as I live_, she groaned inwardly. _God! This is so frickin' __**awkward!**__  
_  
When Faith came in a short while later, she noticed they were both quiet but a definite tension was in the air. Robin smiled that 'ate the canary' grin she loved, and she guessed that Buffy must've heard something last night to make her so obviously twitchy today.

Faith just laughed. She found the situation as amusing as Robin did, but for entirely different reasons. Neither Buffy nor Robin had any intention of filling Faith in on last night's details.

"Ooo! Breakfast!" Faith leaned in and gave Robin a quick kiss as she reached over and snagged some bacon from his plate.

He smiled as he swatted at her hand, and went back to the paper while Faith made up a plate for herself.

"Damn." Robin suddenly frowned.

"What?" Faith sat down next to him and leaned over to see what had changed his mood so suddenly.

"Another murdered woman. This one was only eighteen." He shook his head, "The cops need to get on this guy before he finds number seven."

Buffy spun around and held out a hand for the paper, which he gave up to her willingly. She scanned the article in silence, and then passed it back to him. There wasn't anything in there that would clue her in as to whether it was Zack or not. She was frustrated that the police had still not come around to interview him.

She caught Robin's concerned gaze directed her way, and last night was forgotten in this morning's worry.

"They'll catch him," Robin tried to reassure her.

"Yeah." Buffy nodded at him and then got up to fix her own plate.

_But when?_

xxxxxxx

_**Later that evening**_**  
**

"Who took my 'Crimson Heat' lipstick?!" came a shrill cry from down the bench.

The dressing room was abuzz with activity this evening as the dancers busied themselves getting ready to perform their sets and sell enough private dances to come out ahead when they settled up at the end of the night. _The Paradise Club_ considered its dancers independent contractors, which meant that each girl had to pay a stage fee of thirty dollars each night in order to perform her sets, and cut the club in for forty percent of each private dance they sold. The girls kept their tips and the balance of their private dances after the club's cut, so they needed to make sure they sold enough to do considerably more than break even every night they worked. Since the club routinely overbooked dancers, there was a lot of competition among them for a share of the tips.

And they were dead serious about anyone touching their things. There had been instances when a dancer would 'interfere' with another girl's costume or make-up in order to reduce the competition, and even the allegation of such a thing could result in a serious fight in the dressing room. The question, 'who touched my stuff?' was a red flag warning of danger back stage.

"It's right there, behind the red boa," Connie calmly pointed out. "No one messed with it."

"Well, good!" Leah acknowledged with a frown that it **was** right there, hiding behind the boa, and that no one had walked off with it. "Don't anybody touch my stuff," she added quietly to everyone and to no one in particular.

The rest of the dressing room appeared to be indifferent to the conversation, but every girl present relaxed inside, and hoped there'd be no further drama tonight.

The dingy, untidy dressing room was narrow and long, with lockers and hanger hooks on one side and a long wide shelf which served as a dressing table along the other side. Lighted mirrors hung above the dressing 'table' top, and old kitchen chairs, covered in vinyl that had been repaired with duct tape over the years, served as seating. It wasn't pretty, but it served it's purpose.

Faith sat at a space at the end of the long dressing table, applying lotion to her entire body in preparation for her evening's work. She was dead tired, completely worn out by the grueling routine of dancing for a living. She thought back to when she'd first started, and how from the outside the dancing didn't look all that hard. But it _was_ hard, and took a lot of strength and stamina to perform several nights a week. She was starting to wear out, and she was still a beginner. Some of these women had been dancing for years.

Her first week had been the hardest, with every muscle aching and the first signs of an irritating condition known to the dancers as 'pole burn'. Wearing platform shoes with six inch heels was it's own agony as well. She'd persevered though, and Robin had been very supportive during those difficult first few weeks. She also had Robin to thank for permitting her to work the eight and ten shifts when she was still pretty new, as those shifts were the most sought after and the best paying. Some of the girls weren't happy about Faith's 'special treatment' but after a few weeks they got over it. At least they seemed to be over it. She hoped they were over it.

She wished she could take a couple of weeks off but she knew she couldn't do that, she needed the money too badly right now. She told herself that she just had to keep at it and get used to the grind, and she'd be alright in the end. This wasn't forever.

"You okay, sugar?" Roxanne was seated next to Faith tonight, and had noticed that the younger girl was looking a little peaked. When she had started noticing that Faith seemed tired from the routine, and noted that Faith's eyes had begun getting that dark sunken look that meant she wasn't getting enough rest, she saw an opportunity. 

"Yeah, fine." Faith stood and applied lotion to her bottom.

"You look all worn out." Roxanne observed as she adjusted the full length clingy gown she was starting in tonight.

"I'll be alright, I just need to get more sleep I think." Faith finished with the lotion and began pulling on the plaid skirt for the school girl look she was going for this evening.

"Well, if you need something to get you over, you let me know." Roxanne leaned over and whispered conspiratorially. "I don't know how I'd get through some nights, you know?"

Faith stopped dressing and frowned at Roxanne. "What?" _Too loud. _She lowered her voice as she stepped closer to Roxanne. "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean, darlin'." Roxanne looked Faith straight in the eyes as if she dared her to demur.

Faith started dressing again, donning the white blouse and red tie. She sat down to put on her thigh-high black boots and leaned in toward Roxanne. "How much?"

Roxanne rummaged in her bag for a moment, then handed a tiny little zip baggie to Faith under the table, signaling the price with her fingers.

Faith palmed the baggie, nodded, and mouthed, "After?"

Roxanne nodded her understanding, then got up to dance her rotation. Faith's eyes flicked around the room to be sure no one was watching her, then casually walked into the bathroom and snorted some of the powder. She then returned to her space and began to carefully put on her make-up. 

She knew that she was playing with fire here, but she also knew that the work went faster and easier that evening, and it was so much more natural to turn into 'Candy' when she was a little lit. Also, she earned higher tips with the more relaxed, sexier, more amorous dancing routine she attributed to the drug's effects. She decided she'd see about getting more for tomorrow night.

She wasn't stupid. She knew it was dangerous. And she knew that while some people got trapped by drugs, she was strong enough to handle it. 

xxxxxx

_**That afternoon**_**  
**

It was a beautiful June afternoon at the beach and Buffy was in heaven. 

She looked fantastic in a new white bikini bought just that week with her housecleaning money, the sun warmed her skin in the most delightfully sensual way, the breeze was exactly perfect, and --

-- she just got hit in the face with a beach ball thrown by a four year old playing three feet away, and narrowly missed spilling a sippee cup of apple juice all over herself.

_sigh_

Buffy and Fred had settled themselves down for a sunny afternoon of relaxing fun with their kids. The 'Seaside Lagoon' was a specially separated area of the beach that was set up just for families with small children, away from the larger beach area, where the teenagers and older kids and nature itself posed more dangers to little ones. They still had to keep careful watch on the children, but it was easier to do there, as it was more tiny-kid friendly. 

Unfortunately, that meant there were a lot more tiny kids. 

Buffy's patience was wearing thin, and Fred was trying desperately not to laugh at her friend's latest trial with the four year old terror known on the beach only as 'JT'. As in, "JT, honey, try not to smash into the other people", and "JT sweetheart, that was a great throw, now go get it from the nice lady's plate", and "JT darling, I don't think the nice lady wants to lick your ice cream sandwich...oh, isn't that nice, you're a good sharer. Now hand the napkin to the lady so she can clean it up"...

"You would not be convicted by a jury of your peers." A Voice from behind her whispered conspiratorially into her ear.

Startled, Buffy turned her head to her rear left and saw that the Voice belonged to a nearby father of two young boys who had been behaving so perfectly up to that point she had not fully realized that they were playing behind her.

The Voice smiled charmingly. "John Smith," he pointed to his one and three year old boys, "Sammy and Charlie."

"Buffy Summers," she grinned back, "and Katie. And this is my friend Fred Burkle and her son, Stevie." Fred nodded in his direction, but it was obvious that the man's attention was on the younger woman, so she went back to shoveling sand with her son. "Very nice to meet you...John Smith." She placed a special emphasis on the last name.

"Yes, yes, guilty as charged," he laughed. "But I come by the name honestly. My parents either had no imagination or were wickedly evil. I haven't decided which yet."

She laughed along with him, and suddenly the day was much brighter and the trials of JT temporarily forgotten. They talked and engaged in a little innocent flirtation for a while, but soon John Smith packed up his children and left, and Buffy settled back to watch Katie and Stevie build a sand castle together. Well, Stevie built, and Katie patted helpfully while crawling over and smashing the thing down as soon as a wall was in place. Stevie had his mother's patience, however, and endlessly rebuilt the castle as Katie tore it down.

"It's beautiful to watch them together, isn't it?" Fred smiled.

"Yeah, it really is. He's such a good little boy."

"Speaking of good little boys, how was Robin's first sleepover?"

"Not such a little boy."

Fred's jaw dropped as she spun to look at Buffy's knowing smirk. "No, you did not!"

"Hey, I was minding my own business, I didn't ask to see anything, but there he was, and my virgin eyes are seriously traumatized."

"Virgin?"

"Um...well...okay. But still - traumatized."

"Oh my god!" Fred blushed more than Buffy did at that moment, and Buffy could see she was having trouble with the entire visualization, so she threw her a line.

"Anyway, it wasn't a long look or anything, although breakfast this morning was kinda awkward." She lowered her voice in all seriousness then, "But Faith doesn't know and must never know. You are **sworn **to secrecy here."

Fred crossed her heart with all due gravity.

"So, how is Faith doing, anyway?"

Fred had her doubts about Faith's waitressing job, but didn't know whether or how to broach the subject with her friend. As far as she could tell, Buffy bought the entire story without a second thought. Although she knew it was none of her business what Faith did, and she didn't like the girl any less for her new occupation, she was concerned that Buffy would be upset if she discovered that Faith had been less than truthful about her new job description. Faith was important to Buffy, and she didn't want to see anything harm that relationship or her friend be hurt down the road.

"She's doing great. I didn't think she'd really shine too much in customer service, but she comes home in a really good mood and is making really great tips. I guess the club's customers must really like her. And did I mention the tips are great?"

_Okay, this is the perfect 'in'. Just say something. Better to prepare her for a problem than let it blindside her later.  
_  
"Have you ever thought that maybe," Fred spoke carefully here, "Faith's job might be more than just waitressing?"

Buffy frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, most gentlemen's clubs don't serve a lot of food, just alcohol and some finger foods perhaps, so I was just wondering about her large tips..." _Please don't be upset._

Buffy sat in silence for a minute, watching Stevie carefully reconstruct another wall Katie had demolished. _Not waitressing... _She turned toward Fred with a hard stare.

"No, that can't be," Buffy shook her head vigorously. "First, Faith wouldn't do that. It's just so...icky. And second, Faith wouldn't lie to me about it even if she was doing it." Buffy was convincing herself as much as she was trying to convince Fred. "No, I don't care what most clubs are like, if Faith says she's waitressing, then she is. Besides, Robin would never ask her to do something like that when he's clearly head over heels about her. What man would **do** that?" Buffy shook her head again, "No."

Fred could see that the discussion was over now. Buffy wasn't ready to give this any more consideration, and she didn't want to upset her any more today by going on about it.

"I'm sure you're right. You know Faith much better than I do. Forget I said anything." 

Buffy smiled. "No, I appreciate you feeling like you could ask the question, after all we are friends. But like you said, I just know Faith better than that." She gave Fred an affectionate shoulder hug. "No problem."

"Good." Fred smiled back and stifled a sigh. _Well, perhaps I at least planted a seed. If it turns out I'm right - and I really think I am - then at least Buffy will have had the thought come up once before it hits her in the face. And it's gonna -- Oomph!_

"JT honey, go get your ball from the nice lady..."

After a while they gathered up the children and called it a day, vowing that next time they came, they'd scope out JT's location before they settled on a spot.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Eighteen**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Tell Me Sweet Little Lies**_

"Xander! Over here!"

Willow literally bounced with gleeful energy on this first day of school. Junior year! They were upperclassmen now, and halfway toward that magical day when graduation released them and university awaited. She could hardly wait for that to happen.

Xander's impression of the first day of school was slightly different. Yes, being an upperclassman had it's perks and advantages, but it was just one more boring year to slog through until that magical day when graduation released him and a full-time job doing something even more boring awaited. He could wait forever for that to happen.

"Hey."

"Let me see your schedule! Do we have anything together this year?" Willow plucked the printout from Xander's fingers and scanned it eagerly. "Ooo! American History for home room, Life and Health, and Biology! That's three!" Her eyes fairly glittered with the joy of it all. "Where's your locker? Number 275?! I'm in 278! We're next to each other! This is soooo great!"

Xander stared hard at his excitable friend. "Who gave you coffee this morning?"

"Coffee?" Willow tried for innocence but her dolphin squeak spoke volumes of guilt. She was much too excitable to be adding coffee to the mix. But she loved the taste and sometimes sneaked it anyway, much to her friends chagrin. Willow on coffee was irrepressible. And sometimes a little scary.

The duo picked up their assigned class books at the library and started walking toward their locker assignment in the main wing of the school. When they reached their lockers they noticed another friend had beat them to it. Spike was slamming his own locker shut as they came up behind him; his locker was directly across the hall, so the three friends were close together. The odds on that happening had to be huge, and Willow declared that it was a sign that this year was going to be a great one. Clearly, the fates had lined things up thus far, and she knew that junior year was going to rock.

"Spike!! What's your schedule?!" Willow squealed loudly across the crowded corridor.

Spike scowled and looked at Xander suspiciously.

"Yeah, she got into the coffee this morning," Xander shook his head sadly. "With any luck it'll wear off by lunchtime."

Spike shook his head and smiled a sigh. "We can live in hope. Well, let's see your schedule then, pet." He scanned theirs a moment. "Looks like -- American History, Life and Health, and English III. That looks about it." He glanced up. "Where's Oz?"

Willow opened her mouth to reply but Xander beat her to it.

"He's got a meeting with the counselor right now. They wanna make sure he actually graduates since it's his senior year and he's not so much dependable when it comes to the whole actually coming to class thing." 

Spike nodded absently as something interesting down the hall caught his attention.

Willow turned to organizing her locker with an intense jittery concentration, while Xander tossed all of his books in haphazardly and slammed his locker shut. When he turned his attention to Spike again, he saw that his friend had drifted off a little ways down the hall and was doing some very serious flirting with one of the new freshmen girls. So what else was new?

"There he goes again." Willow pronounced with disapproval as she joined Xander in watching Spike at work. "He's just becoming a big ol man ho."

Xander's eyebrows rose as he turned, shocked at her declaration. "A man ho?"

"Yeah," she defended. "All summer long it was the same with all the tourist girls and girls from other towns. He picks one out of the crowd, gets all flirty with her and culls her from whatever herd she's hanging with, and convinces her to go out with him." Willow warmed to her subject. "And as soon as he gets what he wants he dumps her and finds some other poor girl to seduce. A big ol man ho."

Xander nodded thoughtfully. "Fair enough. But you've gotta admire his skill. He does it so well."

"Eww! No! It's wrong and it's mean and it's not honest either. Those girls don't know he's messing with them, they think he's serious. Well, I mean I haven't talked to them or anything, but I'll bet they think he's serious. Don't you think the little brunette he's chatting up right now looks like she thinks he's serious?"

"I don't know. What I **do** know is that Spike is getting more action than most guys in this school could ever hope to have. And as a guy, I gotta admire the technique. Even if the morals are a little shaky."

Willow shook her head with deep disapproval as another freshman girl joined the first one and both were now the object of Spike's power-flirting. "Come on, let's get to home room. He'll have to leave the girls alone and come with eventually."

"Sure thing," Xander agreed distractedly. But as Willow turned to walk to American History/home room, Xander paused to observe Spike's conversation a moment longer.

_Yep. It's sleazy, it's wrong, and it's unfair. But the boy's got game. And I gotta admire that.  
_  
Xander turned and headed toward class. Spike saw him leave and broke away from the girls to walk alongside Xander to home room.

"Got both numbers," he noted matter-of-factly.

Xander gave him a small sidewise glance and a little smile. Yep, the boy had game.

xxxxxx

"Okay ladies, listen up! Here's tonight's rotation..." Lorne looked around the dressing room suddenly, and noted that one of the dancers was not present. "Where's Faith?"

Silence.

"Candy," he clarified.

"Bathroom." Roxanne offered.

Another girl rolled her eyes and added, "Again."

Lorne noticed that Roxanne glared at the second girl, who simply glared right back. Drama in the dressing room was not that unusual, but he sensed that there was more to this than simple jealousy and vowed he'd find out what the deal was tonight. Whatever it was, he strongly suspected Roxanne had something to do with it. He called out the rotation, and then made his way to the women's bathroom to wait on Faith. He didn't have to wait long.

"Hey," Faith greeted him as she came out, surprised that he seemed to be standing there, arms crossed over his chest, waiting on her in particular. "What's up?"

Lorne looked at Faith closely, then frowned and grabbed her arm, leading her to his office and shutting the door firmly behind them. He sat her down and then turned a steely gaze upon her as he leaned against his desk.

"Let's skip the whole 'who-me-I'm-as-innocent-as-a-baby' game and get right down to the 'oops-you-caught-me-I-am-getting-loaded-before-every-set' admission and move right along to the part where I give you one more chance to clean up completely before I go to Robin with this bit of news and he cans your ass," he explained angrily. "How does that sound to you?"

Astonished, Faith attempted to rise and march indignantly out of the office, but Lorne moved quickly to shove her back in the chair, standing over her so she could not rise again.

"Let me go NOW," she demanded angrily.

"No."

She attempted to rise again, and once again Lorne shoved her back down.

"Dammit Lorne, I'm not doing drugs and I am leaving this office **now.**"

"Dammit Faith, you are loaded right NOW, and you are not leaving this office until I get your word that it stops tonight." He was furious with the girl, and if she had been anyone else he would have simply escorted her out of the building and told her to never return. But she was Robin's girlfriend, and he did actually like the girl, so he had decided to give her a chance to turn this around before going to Robin with it. He knew Robin would be angry if he discovered what she was doing. He just didn't know if Robin would be able to actually fire her since he was so in love with her. It was better to handle this outside their relationship if at all possible, and keep Robin out of it completely. He didn't know how tightly Faith had Robin tied around her little finger, and didn't want to find out when the subject was drugs. 

Meanwhile, Faith seemed suddenly to wilt under his stony stare, and looked down at her hands in her lap. Lorne was startled to see that there were actual tears in her eyes.

"Okay, you're right," she sniffed. "I've gotten loaded a few times before starting work, just a little while though." She looked tearfully up at him, begging him to understand how she felt. "I hate this job, and it just makes me feel better when I'm up there, or doing those private dances, you know? Like it doesn't matter so much that these disgusting sweaty men are leering at me, pawing me over, jerking off while I grind against them...How would you feel if you had to do that for a living? It's horrible." She looked at her hands again. "I hate it," she whispered miserably.

Lorne was surprised by the quick turnaround in attitude, and only half-trusted that it was real. However, he had decided to give her a chance to stop the behavior before going any further with it, so he would do so.

"Look, babycakes, I understand more than you think about how demeaning this kind of work can be for some girls. I really do," he softened his tone and knelt in front of her. "But if you can't do this without chemical assistance, then you shouldn't be doing it at all. This work isn't for everyone, Faith. If you feel so bad while you're working that you need to get loaded to do it, then take it as a sign that perhaps you need to change jobs." He smiled and lifted her chin up to look her in the eyes. "There's no shame in admitting that this work isn't for you. Robin will understand."

Alarmed, Faith cried, "No! Please don't tell Robin that I don't want to dance! He got me this job, and...and I need this job! Please! I'll stop the drugs, anything. But please don't get me fired."

Lorne was taken aback by the sheer panic in Faith's voice, and her wild-eyed demeanor at just the thought of losing her job. _Good. I can work with that, _he thought to himself.

"Alright, sweetheart. I will keep this between you and me as long as you stop the drugs right now. No more. Period. Can you do that?"

"Yes! Yes, absolutely. No more drugs. Just me and the dance," she nodded emphatically.

"Okay. Well then, get out there and make some money, and when this wears off tonight, no more for you. Capiche?"

"Absolutely." she nodded fiercely.

"Go get 'em!" Lorne rose up and stood back from the chair, permitting Faith to rise and leave the office. He stayed still, watching as she hurried down the hall toward the dressing room.

_I'm watching you sweetcheeks. Don't let me down.  
_

xxxxxxxx

It had been a quiet morning for Buffy, and she felt very peaceful today, very grounded and motherly. Right now, Katie was sleeping sweetly in her playpen, and Buffy was hand-sewing some finishing work on a new dress she had altered from a thrift store buy the prior week. The months she had spent with Fred, learning how to design and sew the clothes she wanted to wear, had really paid off in the end. Buffy's skills were approaching Fred's level, at least in some areas. Her wardrobe was actually quite impressive now, and no one would be able to tell that she'd made the clothes herself.

She did feel a little guilty for using so much of her earnings on herself and Katie, and not contributing more to the household upkeep, but then she reminded herself that she was doing the cooking and cleaning after all, so that was something. She contributed that way. And Faith seemed to be earning good money at her job, so they weren't hurting in that department. No, all seemed to be peaceful and good in her world right now, and she was very grateful for it.

She did miss school though. And boy was that a shock to realize. She'd never cared much for school in the past, and had taken it all for granted at the time. But now, as she saw the seasons change and high school start up again in Sunnydale, she thought fondly of her school days and the opportunities and friends that went with it. She loved Faith and Fred, but they were older and living adult lives. Buffy didn't have any friends her own age, and it felt like a lifetime ago that she was simply a carefree teenage girl hanging out and partying with her friends. She had her whole life to be an adult. She just wished she could be a kid a little while longer, and have real friends her own age again. She wondered idly what Amy and Tara were doing right now. Probably at the mall, she thought, buying new fall clothes for school and talking about what boys they liked, perhaps they had boyfriends too now. Buffy had never had a real boyfriend before. She daydreamed about who it might be, and what they might do...in that other life. In this one, she wasn't exactly a 'catch', with a baby and no education and all.

_Gah! You're depressing yourself now, and it was such a nice peaceful morning before you had to start up with the 'what ifs'. Get over it! You can't go back again, _she chided herself sternly. She had Katie and that was enough for now. It had to be enough for now.

Suddenly the front door burst open and the apartment was filled with laughter. Faith came traipsing in with Robin and some other man Buffy had never met before trailing behind her, all laughing at something the strange man had just said. Buffy rose to her feet and faced them questioningly as they all three stopped dead in their tracks and stared back at her.

"Buffy!" Faith cried out cheerily. "You're here!"

"Uh, yeah. Kinda live here." she said slowly, looking uneasily a the newcomer.

Faith noticed her discomfort and made the introductions. "Buffy, this is my boss, Lorne, and you know Robin of course." Buffy smiled and nodded in their direction. "Lorne, this is my cousin Buffy. She lives here with me." She stumbled over to the playpen and put her finger over her mouth. "Shh...this is Katie, and she's taking a nap so quiet, shhh..." She smiled at Buffy. "Katie belongs to Buffy. They live with me now. One big happy family!"

Faith stumbled over to the sofa and plopped down clumsily. "Oops!" then she started to laugh again.

Lorne smiled at Buffy. "Wonderful to meet you, Buffy. Two gorgeous girls, and baby makes three. I guess beauty runs in the family."

Buffy smiled back at him and thanked him for the compliment, then turned again toward Faith with a question in her eyes. Faith just laughed again.

"We may have had a little too much to drink this morning," Robin explained. "I'm sorry about that. We had a morning meeting and it was someone's great idea to order iced tea." he frowned at Lorne, "but the restaurant mixed up the order and gave us Long Island Iced Tea instead."

Lorne smiled, "It was delish, though. Never sat through a more pleasant business meeting." 

Buffy chuckled. "S'okay." she turned to Faith, "Faith, you okay there?" Faith nodded happily. "Well, it's pretty much lunchtime. How do sandwiches sound to everyone?" 

"Sure!" Faith cried happily. "I'll help!" She tried to get up, but fell back down on the sofa dizzily. "Uh-oh." 

Robin hurried forward and helped Faith up and to the bathroom, where she started to retch. Buffy frowned at the sounds coming from the bathroom, and looked to where Lorne was still standing awkwardly in the living room.

"Come on, lets hit the kitchen and see what we can rustle up for lunch today," she offered.

Lorne followed gratefully, away from the bathroom and it's unappetizing sounds. Once in the kitchen he and Buffy fell into partnership while preparing the simple meal.

"So, you're Buffy."

"Yep. Buffy is me." she smiled at him as she started on the bread. "Lorne, huh?"

"Yep."

Awkward silence followed. "You're younger than Faith." he stated simply. "I'm surprised you're out here living with Faith instead of at home with your parents."

Buffy moved around him, getting ingredients from the refrigerator. "Yeah, my parents weren't too happy with some of my decisions, so Faith let me live with her here, and she's helping me raise Katie. Faith has been really great, to both of us."

"I see." Lorne was touched by how sweet and young Buffy seemed to be, and how very different from her cousin's more streetwise and wild ways. "You seem so different, I'd never think you were cousins at all. Such different auras."

"Well, yeah we're different, but we love each other and support each other, so what does it matter if we're not the same, right? We're family, and we care, right? Isn't that what really matters in the end?"

Lorne gazed upon Buffy as she put the sandwiches together, adding little touches here and there. He decided he liked her, and that she was probably good for Faith. "Right. That's what really matters in the end. It's all about the love."

"Exactly." Buffy smiled brightly up at him, and handed him the sandwich plate. "Take these in to the coffee table while I get the drinks."

"Sure thing, babycakes." He turned and left for the living room, leaving Buffy startled in the kitchen. _Babycakes?_

When Buffy brought the soft drinks out, Faith was curled up next to Robin on the sofa and Lorne was in the recliner, speaking softly to the other two about some business thing or other, she couldn't quite hear. She stopped and just watched them for a minute, and wondered that her life was filled with these many different adults with all their adult concerns and problems and things she found it hard to relate to sometimes.

She loved Faith, she liked Robin, and she thought she might like Lorne too. But she **really** needed to meet some fellow teenagers before she shriveled up and died of old age before she turned eighteen.

Lorne watched Buffy as he ate, and wondered what the real story was with her. She was so completely out of place here. He'd keep an eye out for her, see if he could find out what the real story was on her, and whether or not the little one was safe living with her and Faith.

_Seems like a nice kid, but she's in way over her head. Does she know that yet? Is she as innocent as she seems to be? _He gave himself a mental head shake, and concentrated once again on the conversation between Faith and Robin. _Time will tell.  
_

xxxxxxxx

A couple of mornings later, Buffy was searching for a nice blouse to wear to go lunch with Fred, but was dismayed to see that none of hers were clean. Thinking Faith might have something in her closet, she headed to Faith's room to have a look see. After a moment's search in the closet, Buffy found what she was looking for, and something else as well. She stood there stunned by the outfit she held in her hands. She'd not seen it before, but it didn't take a genius to know that it wasn't your everyday party dress she'd found there.

Buffy sat down on the bed and felt all the color drain from her face. Fred was right. She didn't know exactly what she was holding, but she knew it wasn't any waitress' uniform.

_Oh. My. God, _she moaned miserably. _Faith's a stripper.  
_

xxxxxxx

When Faith came home that night, she was startled to find Buffy waiting up for her. Since Katie was sleeping through the night, Buffy had taken to a much earlier sleeping schedule and was never awake when Faith returned home.

"Hey. You're up late," Faith noted as she removed her coat.

Buffy remained silent and just stared at her cousin. Faith was becoming weirded out by Buffy's strange behavior, and walked carefully toward the sofa where she was seated. When she was directly in front of it, her heart sank. In Buffy's lap was one of her strip costumes, one of the more risqué ones at that. Buffy just stared silently at her, waiting. The look on her face was so **disappointed** that something in Faith just snapped. Damned if she was going to be judged by Buffy, not now not ever. Dammit!

"Oh, I see. You've found the evil costume in my closet. And now you're gonna be all judgmental and superior about this." Faith went on the attack since the alternative was defense and she was not in the mood for it. "I am NOT going to apologize for taking work that supports this home for you. You have no right to judge me on this," she bit out angrily as she grabbed the outfit from Buffy's hands. 

Buffy rose and cried angrily, "I am not judging you Faith, but you lied to me, you said you were a waitress. This is not a waitress' uniform!"

"Oh well, then! If I LIED!" Faith warmed to her tirade, "I am so sick of all your superior, **I'd never do this, I'd never do that, yadda yadda yadda **attitude I could just smack you! You've lived the way you wanted to live, no thought to what other people have to go through to make your life possible, your little, average, goody-goody life. I am just sick of it!" Faith turned and headed to her bedroom.

Buffy was right on her heels. She had to make Faith understand that she didn't feel superior, but that she had a right to the truth here.

"That's not the problem and you know it! It's that you lied to me Faith. You lied to me! You said you were waitressing! But you're not!"

"Right, and things would have gone so much smoother if I'd just come home and told you I was going to strip for a living, to pay our rent, our food." She turned on Buffy again. "Rent Buffy! Food Buffy! Do you ever wonder where the money comes from? Not from you, you keep your money and buy things for you and Katie but food, rent, utilities - that's on me, isn't it? But you never ask where the money comes from, you just take it for granted that good ol cousin Faith will take care of everything, just like always. God, you're such a little kid!"

"I am not a little kid, dammit Faith!" Buffy was becoming desperate to make Faith understand what was at stake here. She toned down and continued, "But Faith, it's not that I'm judging you about stripping. It's that it's below you to do that. You don't have to strip to make money for us to live on."

Faith whirled angrily around and stepped menacingly toward Buffy, sticking her finger in her face. "No! YOU don't have to strip to make money. YOU don't! But I'm not you, and I do what I have to do. I'm the one who has to do this, ME. And you know why I have to do this, Buffy?" she lowered her voice and came nose to nose with Buffy. "I have to do this, so you don't have to. Just like always. That's the way it's always been. Buffy is good, Buffy must be protected and coddled at all costs. Let Faith take the brunt of it, let Faith handle the hard stuff, let Faith be disappointed and hurt and yelled at and beaten, not Buffy. No, Miss Buffy must be kept pure and clean and happy and untouched." She was close to tears but she held them back forcefully. "I have to do this. So you don't have to." She turned around and walked back through the apartment to the front door, grabbing her coat on the way.

And with a slam of the door, she left.

Buffy stood there in the lonely apartment, and noticed suddenly that her face was wet with tears. She was hurt beyond measure by the words spoken between them tonight. But it wasn't the lies, or the accusations, or the anger that was so devastating. What was so upsetting was that it was true.

It was all true. 

xxxxxxx

The following days were quiet but tense, as the two girls came to terms with their situation and the angry words that had passed between them. Buffy started putting half her wages in a jar for household purchases, and Faith noted it in silence. What Faith didn't see, was that Buffy put a percentage of her wages away in her drawer, hidden against the day she might have to leave Faith's home and make it on her own, just her and Katie. She hadn't thought that day would come soon, but now she just didn't know what to think or expect. Better safe than sorry, she figured. She really had no place else to go, even if she wanted to. She hoped things would normalize and they could remain together as they had planned, but she needed to prepare in case it didn't. She came to realize with stark clarity, that in this world you could only count on your own self in the end. It was a little more of her childhood lost to her forever.

As September wound to a close, the girls easy way with each other slowly returned again, and both were relieved to see it happen. Apologies, tears, and promises were made. But the harsh words remained in the background, coloring all else around them, as hard truths tend to do.

And then it was October.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Authors Note: We've not got much longer until the pair crash into each others lives. Hang in there. On with the story now...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Nineteen**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Change Up**_

Silent.

Empty.

Lonely.

More than anything else, lonely.

Buffy walked slowly through the barren apartment, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, lost in dark thoughts. Suddenly alone. It had happened so quickly, she had barely enough time to process the changes.

Gary had been fired for throwing the first punch in a knock down, drag out fight on the boat out to the oil platform just three weeks ago, and it was the beginning of the end for their simple life in Sunnydale. He had put the other man in the hospital, so the company fired him on the spot, threatening to have him arrested if he didn't leave immediately. With no job and the threat of legal action over their heads, the little family had packed up and gone back to Texas in the blink of an eye. In Texas were their roots, their family, their support in bad times. So off to Texas they returned.

And just that quickly, Buffy lost her best friend and confidant. There were tears and promises to keep in touch despite the distance, but gone were the happy camaraderie and laughter, the easy mornings sipping tea and shopping and laundry and laughing at their children's latest antics, holding each other up during the good times and the bad. All gone. Letters and telephone calls could never replace the simple comfort of knowing you had a friend nearby to share your day, a friend who understood you and had your back. All Buffy had now was a promise from Fred to let her know where she settled so they could call and write and keep in touch.

A radio started blaring from above, and Buffy cursed silently at the sound. Faith was finally awake, from the sound of it, and the noise was almost certain to wake Katie from her afternoon nap if Buffy didn't run up and turn it down.

With one last look around the empty room, Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes and left the apartment. With a solid click, both the door and a beloved part of her life closed forever behind her.

xxxxx

Buffy rushed into her apartment and lunged for the stereo volume control, turning it down just as Katie began to stir in her playpen. With the sound lowered, the baby settled herself back down into sleep again and Buffy let out the breath she'd been holding. Katie had an hour to go on that nap, and Buffy really cherished the time to herself that the sleeping baby afforded her each day. Motherhood was great, but Buffy-time was good too.

It was a wonder that Faith was home at all today. She'd been spending more and more time at Robin's home as their relationship deepened and grew, leaving Buffy on her own most of the time. While Fred was still there, Faith's absence was not as noticeable, but now Buffy found herself alone with her daughter most of the time. She had decided to talk to Faith about it, ask her to come home a little more so she'd have some company during the day. But the whole situation sounded so pathetic to her own ears that she changed her mind. She couldn't rely on Faith to be her only company now that Fred was gone. It was October; eleven months since she'd moved to Sunnydale. Surely she should be going out more, trying to meet people and make friends in her new town. Having Fred so close by had been wonderful, but she realized now that her relationship with the older woman had filled that hole in her life so well that she had made no effort to make other friends too. That was going to have to change.

"Mornin'" Faith grumped sleepily.

"Um, good afternoon," Buffy turned and greeted her cousin quietly. 

Faith frowned as she passed her on her way into the kitchen. "I work at night. I'm not gonna feel guilty for sleepin' through the mornin'."

Buffy followed Faith and sat down at the kitchen table with a sigh.

"I know. I wasn't criticizing you, I was just making an observation."

Faith grabbed some cereal, milk, and a bowl and sat down opposite Buffy. "Yeah, well your 'observation' sounded a lot like 'finally-the-bitch-is-up' to me."

"No," Buffy was so tired of Faith's moodiness lately. "Really not. Don't read into it any more than 'good afternoon'. I'm happy to see you is all. We don't see each other as often any more. I miss you."

"Yeah, I guess. Been busy." Faith talked around a mouthful of Cocoa Puffs.

"Yeah." Buffy glanced out the window at the grey world outside. Indian Summer seemed to be over at last; the sky was overcast and there was a definite chill in the air. "You gonna be home for awhile?"

"Nah, It's our night off, so Robin's picking me up in an hour and we're gonna go for a drive up the coast. He has this friend up in Monterey that's rebuilding this car and he invited Robin and I up to take a look at it and have dinner with his family." Faith finished the cereal and put the bowl in the sink. "We're probably gonna spend the night up there, too."

"Oh." Buffy tried to infuse the word with friendly acceptance, but it really sounded more like disappointment. Faith didn't seem to notice, however, as she padded into the living room, leaving Buffy sitting by herself in the kitchen.

Alone.

xxxxxxx

"What?"

"The child is too old. She walks. She distracts from the job. She must stay home. If she cannot, then you must leave as well." Illyria spoke the words with cold indifference, permitting no discussion. She got in the car and pulled away from the curb, leaving Buffy standing on the sidewalk with Katie balanced on her hip, a folded playpen, car seat and diaper bag at her side.

Her heart sank. She'd been afraid this day would come, but the timing just sucked. This job was perfect for her right now; she had no back up plan in place. And now there was no Fred to help with babysitting in a pinch. She could ask Faith, but doubted that her cousin would be willing to assist any further than she already had.

As Buffy struggled to get both the baby and her gear up the stairs to her apartment, she thought frantically about what she would do now. There had to be something she could do to earn money without leaving Katie in the hands of some third person. Even if she knew someone she trusted enough to baby-sit, she had no way of paying for it that didn't use up all of her earnings to do so. And her underground status meant she could not apply for any official assistance. Her prospects seemed grim.

xxxxx

With lunch finished and Katie down for her nap, Buffy collapsed on the sofa and slipped into a morose funk. She had looked at the problem from every angle and come up with nothing. This was the kind of problem she would take to Fred. Fred would know what to do. Fred always seemed to know the answer to every--

Fred. Fred. When she met Fred, the woman had told her she did work for 'egg money'. She took in work from dry cleaners. 

_Fred left so suddenly, I'll bet those cleaners haven't had a chance to find anyone else yet. And now, thanks to Fred, I know how to alter and hem just like she did.  
_  
With a new plan in place, Buffy felt much better. First thing tomorrow morning, she was going to go to every dry cleaners she could find and offer her services. She thought that kind of work might not require more ID than she already had. The worst that could happen is they'd say no. 

xxxxxxx

It was a dead night at the _Paradise Club_ and none of the dancers was making much in tips this evening. Robin tended the quiet bar as he watched Faith perform her set for the eight guys lined up at the rail. Even with a short crowd his girl was giving it her all. He had to admire her determination. And talent. Yes, especially the talent. His girl had it going on.

Lorne had been watching Faith also, but he did not notice talent or determination or any of the lofty attributes that Robin saw in his girlfriend. What Lorne noticed was that Faith was clearly on something. She wasn't impaired in any way that he could tell, but she was definitely under the influence. Lorne knew that Robin had to be able to see this, but for some reason the man was completely blinded where Faith was concerned. If it had been any other dancer Robin would have picked up on it as fast as Lorne had. Robin had it bad this time.

Once Faith was started on her second song, Lorne took the opportunity to slip away and speak to Robin quietly. He wanted Robin to be able to actually observe Faith as they talked about it, so he wouldn't be able to minimize what they were seeing. Since it was such a slow night he knew he could have the conversation discreetly even if they were at the bar.

"Hey." Robin nodded Lorne's way without taking his eyes off the bar he was wiping down.

"Hey big guy." Lorne sat down at one of the stools.

Robin was startled by Lorne's behavior, as the Host rarely came over to the bar during work, and never sat down as though he were a customer.

"Something wrong?" he lifted an eyebrow and stared questioningly at his friend.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so, big guy." Lorne was very uncomfortable, but he ploughed on. "It's Faith."

"Faith?"

"Yeah. Notice anything unusual about her tonight?"

Robin looked intently to where Faith was in the middle of her second song; she was really playing it up to the two guys at the end there, who were tipping quite generously from what he could see.

"What about her?"

Lorne decided to just lay it out there without further sugarcoating. "She's loaded, man."

Robin turned a ferocious stare Lorne's way. "No. She's not."

Lorne thought this would be the reaction. "'Fraid so, my friend. And not the first time either."

Angry now, Robin wouldn't consider the possibility. If anyone knew Faith, and knew loaded, he did, and this wasn't possible. "You're wrong."

"Robin, babe, please - just take a good look at her dancing her sets, listen as she talks up the guys for dances. I know you don't want to see this, but it's true. Trust your eyes and ears on this - Faith is lit." Robin remained silent, but did as Lorne asked and watched Faith dance. Lorne decided to share the rest of his news. "I did some discreet inquiry and it's Roxanne selling the stuff. I was going to let her go myself, but I thought you might want in on that since she's apparently selling to Faith. That makes it kinda personal, you know?"

Robin continued to stare hard and silently at Faith as she completed her set.

_My god, he's right. How did I not see this sooner? _Robin was both shocked and completely pissed off that he had missed this. _Oh yeah, there's gonna be hell to pay._

"Tell Roxanne to meet me out back in five minutes. Then come and take over the bar while I handle this." he bit out with steel in his voice. 

Lorne was satisfied that the situation was being handled, although Robin's grimly calm tone worried him a little.

"You sure you want to do this right now? I don't want to see you doing anything you'll regret later."

"No, I'm fine. Just tell her to be out back in five. I'll handle it."

Lorne nodded and went back to the dressing room as Faith started into a third song. Robin watched for a bit, then exchanged places with Lorne when he returned.

"Be careful."

Robin nodded and left to take care of the Roxanne situation, while Lorne stood unhappily behind the bar.

Faith noticed the switch and frowned a question at Lorne, who just shook his head and turned away from her. She gave a mental shrug and threw herself back into her last dance of the evening. Whatever was up, she was sure Robin would let her know later. For now, she was feeling good and the tips were rolling in. Nothing could touch her tonight.

xxxxx

After closing, Robin and Faith returned to his apartment to sleep. Robin was very quiet and angry, it seemed to Faith, and she didn't understand it. Once they got inside though, she'd had enough and decided to call him on it.

"What the hell is your problem?!" she yelled as she threw her bag down on the sofa. 

Robin remained silent and started to pace the living room angrily.

"Is that it? You just gonna shut me out, act all pissy but don't tell me what the hell is wrong now?" Faith plopped down on the sofa and started to take off her boots.

Robin spun around and grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard once, then let her fall to the sofa again. Faith was stunned and a little afraid. She had no idea why Robin was so angry and it scared her.

"Wha-"

"Were you gonna tell me?! Did you think I wouldn't notice?!" he shouted. "Do you think I'm stupid?!"

Faith was at a loss and just stared back at him clearly afraid and confused. Robin stared hard at her, his love, and realized that she really had no idea why he was so angry, so he calmed himself and sat down on the coffee table facing her.

He took her hands in his. "Faith, I know Roxanne's been selling to you. I know that you're loaded right now." 

Faith gasped and pulled away from him a bit while she processed what kind of trouble she was in right now. "Yeah, okay. Maybe a little."

Robin exploded as he rose up and began to pace again. He picked up a glass from a counter and threw it against the fireplace, then turned in fury toward Faith.

Faith jumped up, very frightened now, and dove for the door. Robin beat her there, blocking her exit, and struggled to hold onto her. "Not gonna hurt you, baby, not gonna hurt you...please Faith, not gonna hurt you baby..." he repeated as he struggled with her, to hold her to his body and calm her fears. He hadn't meant to frighten her so badly that she misunderstood and thought he was going to hurt her. That wasn't his intention at all. "It's okay, I'm sorry, I'd never hurt you baby, not gonna hurt you ever..."

Finally his words penetrated and Faith relaxed against him with a sob. He led her over to the sofa where they both sat down and let the situation chill for a minute while he thought of what to say to her.

"I can't have you getting loaded, Faith. I can't let that happen. I'm sorry if I scared you just now, but I'm pretty angry about this, you have no idea..."

Faith nodded unhappily in his arms and tried to wipe the tears that had started falling down her cheeks. 

"I'm sorry...I was just so tired and when Roxanne offered it to me it sounded so simple, just a little bit, you know, to get me through the sets..."

Robin was confused. "Get you through the sets?"

Faith nodded. "I hate dancing there, baby. I just feel... so dirty... and on... display and I... just..." she was crying in earnest now, great heaving sobs. 

Realization dawned on him, and he could have kicked himself. Faith hated dancing... "Oh God, baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were having such a hard time with it." He held her closer. "I guess I'm so used to it that it just seems normal to me, no big deal. But you don't feel that way do you?"

Faith shook her head miserably. "I want to make you happy, I really do. And I need the money... but I hate this so much. I don't wanna be a stripper. I hate this..."

"God Faith, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry..." Robin just held her while she sobbed and petted her and tried to calm her down. "The drugs, though, that has to stop. You can't be doing drugs, no matter what else is going on in your life. It's a loser's game, and using the merchandise, that is a sure way to get yourself strung out or even killed. I don't wanna lose you baby, never lose you..."

Faith was half-listening to Robin's words as he tried to soothe her, and she frowned.

_Merchandise?  
_  
"What?"

"What 'what'?" Robin was confused again.

"What did you mean, merchandise?"

Robin stilled, and thought quickly. "I'll tell you all about that tomorrow. Tonight, let's just deal with one thing at a time, okay?" He turned to Faith and smiled gently. "Let's get some sleep, okay? Talk tomorrow."

Faith nodded and allowed herself to be taken to bed. Tonight she'd come down and make things right with Robin again. Tomorrow she'd figure out what this all meant for her, for them.

xxxxxxxx

Morning broke clear and crisp and clean, a new day and a brand new start for Faith and Robin. After a leisurely breakfast at a quiet little cafe near his apartment, Robin took Faith to the club to work beside him as he handled the administrative duties of running the club. By mid-morning those chores were complete, and Robin sat them down at a table near the bar to have some coffee and talk about what Faith was going to do next. The only thing Faith knew for certain was that she would no longer be dancing for her paycheck. What else that might mean was a mystery to her, as she couldn't really see any other job there that she would be qualified to do.

For the next hour, Robin explained the business of the club, both the stated business and the underground activity as well. Faith was floored, she had no idea what was going on behind the scenes at _The Paradise Club_, and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. But she was sworn to secrecy, and she loved Robin dearly, so she accepted what he told her and vowed to him that she would work beside him and keep his secrets as though her life depended upon it. Because right now, it actually did.

Her new job title was 'assistant manager', and Robin taught Faith to perform some of his administrative and bookkeeping duties that day, as he took more time with the deliveries made in the afternoon. They fell into a quiet partnership, both knowing that a line had been crossed and that they were truly linked forever now, and their fates were inextricably bound together, for better or worse.

xxxxx

They weren't entirely alone in the club that morning. Lorne had come in to pick up something from his office when he heard Robin's voice in the front. Approaching the bar to say hello, Lorne stopped dead in his tracks as he heard what Robin was telling Faith about the club and her new role in the operations there. He was deeply disappointed in Robin. He had hoped Robin would get Faith out of there, but instead he was drawing her further into the club's business. On the one hand he liked the girl and didn't want to see her compromised any further than she already had been, and on the other he wasn't entirely certain that she was stable enough to be given that level of trust and responsibility right now.

But it was out of his hands now, though, so he sighed and left the club with a heavy heart. Things would fall out as they must, for good or ill. And Faith was in the middle of it now.

xxxxxxx

"B!" Faith slammed into the apartment at six that evening, excited about her news.

Buffy had just sat down to eat her simple dinner when she heard Faith's cry from the living room.

"What the-?" she bolted out of the kitchen in alarm.

"Hey!"

"Faith? Why are you shouting? Actually, why are you home? Aren't you working tonight?"

"You are looking at the new assistant manager of _The Paradise Club_." Faith beamed.

"What does that mean?"

Faith strode up until she was standing inches from Buffy's face. "It means, my beautiful cousin, that I am no longer an exotic dancer." she paused and continued with a slow smile. "The official burnin' of the costumes is on Saturday. Wear somethin' pretty."

"Oh!" Buffy pulled Faith into a joyous bear hug. "I'm so happy for you. You are **so** much better than that ol' job."

"Yeah, you were right. That wasn't the job for me." Faith unwound Buffy's arms from around her, and drew back a little. "Hey, Robin sent a present for Katie." She stepped back and grabbed a bag she'd left sitting near the front door.

Buffy returned to the kitchen to continue feeding Katie and looked back expectantly.

"Ta da!" Faith followed her and whipped a baby-sized wooden rocking horse out of the large bag.

"Oh Faith," Buffy reached up and took the horse from her hands. It was hand-made, beautifully made. It was low and had a wide seat, sturdy enough and low enough to the floor to support a one year old baby. The horse's head was carved and painted, with a soft nylon mane and tail. "It's perfect. But it must be so expensive, look at the way it's made, the carving..."

"Yeah, Robin says he saw it in a store up the coast last week and thought of Katie. He said he just had to buy it for her. He really likes her, you know." Faith sat down at the table next to Buffy and smiled softly at the obvious pleasure her cousin took in the gift.

"Please tell him thank you from me," Buffy thought a moment, "When do you think I'll see Robin again, or when would be a good time to call him? I really want to thank him myself."

"Sure. You could call the club tonight if you want. He's on bar and answers the phone."

"I'll do that." Buffy put the horse back in the bag for safe keeping and tended to Katie's dinner again. As usual, the mess was expanding upward and outward.

Faith watched the small domestic scene a moment, then suggested softly, "Katie turns one next month. We should have a party."

"A party? With who? You, me, and Katie isn't really a party. A dinner perhaps, but not a party."

"We could invite Robin and Lorne."

"Why would they want to celebrate a baby's birthday?" Buffy scoffed as she wiped up some of the mess from the table and grabbed a couple bites of her own meal.

"What? They **like** you. And I know at least Robin would come. Come on, we should do something special. It'll be her first birthday."

Buffy smiled. "Okay, it's a plan. But if they even **look** like they think it'll be a bore, the deal's off. Okay?"

"Okay." Faith agreed. "Any of that chicken left for me?"

"Sure. Help yourself." Buffy turned back to her plate and Faith made herself one.

Deep inside, Buffy was thinking that her life was very strange now, when the only people attending her baby's first birthday would be folks who spent most of their time at a strip club. But they were nice, and there was no one else regardless.

_This should make for a very weird 'baby's first' for the baby book. So far, everything of Katie's is weird. I sure hope 'normal' shows up someday.  
_  
"Hey! Did I tell you about the idea I had for a new job?" Buffy started excitedly.

"New job?"

"Yeah, Illyria told me I couldn't work with Katie any more. So I got this idea..."

The two girls talked happily over dinner about their new plans and jobs and hopes for the future. Surely, Buffy hoped, 'normal' was right around the corner...

xxxxxxx

Homecoming. Everywhere Spike looked were tacky hand made posters announcing ticket sales for the Homecoming Dance last Friday night. He wondered when someone would take them down already. He really didn't need to be reminded of that night again any time soon. What a mistake that was...

"Blondiebear! There you are!"

Right. Big mistake. Too late now to make a dive for the boys restroom, she'd caught his arm. For a girl, she had quite the grip.

"Harm," Spite acknowledged the vapid blonde as he turned to face her and attempted again to shake her off. She was still so damn close.

"Where've you been hiding, silly thing?" she giggled and batted her eyelashes at him. He had no idea why that was so alluring on other girls yet so annoying in this one.

"Not hiding, just going about my business, s'all." He finally managed to pull free of her grip on his arm, but she draped herself against him, pinning him between her body and his locker.

"I **waited** for your **call**." she pouted and fluttered some more.

"It's only been three days, Harm," he reminded her.

"Three days is like **forever**," she whined. "I missed you." She looked up at him with those big blue eyes, trying for a little girl allure and missing entirely. 

_Subtle is not going to work on this one, mate. Time for brutal honesty.  
_  
"Harm, you were a great date for Homecoming, and we had a good time, yeah?" he started.

"Yeah." she smiled.

"And now we move on."

"Where are we going?" she asked, big eyes alight with happiness.

_Bloody Hell. What was I thinking?  
_  
"**We** aren't going anywhere, Harm. Our date ended Friday night --"

"Saturday morning." Harmony corrected him with a sly grin.

"Right. Saturday morning," he sighed and continued on. "And it was fun and all, but the date is over and now we move on...about our lives..." She continued to look at him blankly. "...separately." Still no sign of understanding from the girl in front of him. "Alone. Without each other. Not **together**."

Harmony's happy blank stare began to transform into a puzzled frown. "Not together?"

"No."

"But --"

"No 'but', Harm. It was one date, not an engagement." Spike pushed her back away from him and started to walk toward his next class. "It's done," he threw harshly over his shoulder as strode away.

_Not my fault the stupid bint is hurt. Never promised her anything that night. It's her own fault for reading more into it than was there. _He repeated that over and over in his head, until he believed it again. _Not my fault._

xxxxx

Harmony stood there in the middle of the hallway as students walked around her on their way to their classes. She looked forlorn, as though she didn't know what to do or where to go next. If she wasn't such a hateful bitch Willow would have felt more sorrow for her plight. Obviously, Harmony had thought the Homecoming invitation meant more than Spike intended. And from the conversation she'd overheard while getting her notes from her own locker, the date had progressed far past the dance that night.

She was still furious with Spike, though. The way he was working his way through the girls, it was gonna backfire on him someday, and the fallout would be severe.

_And it's wrong to use people like that, _she fumed. _Some day he's gonna mess with someone's sister or cousin or daughter and get the crap beat out of him. And it'll serve him right. Big ol' man ho.  
_  
She slammed her locker shut and stalked away to her next class. She was going to talk to that boy and he was going to listen to her. Nothing good could come from the path he was on. Nothing.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Twenty**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Girl Talk**_

Late November

The toddler sat in her high chair, pounding the tray happily at all the attention she was attracting. She was a beautiful little thing, golden hair in little ponytails either side of her head - just barely enough hairs to fit the pink barrettes holding them in place - round rosy cheeks and the bluest eyes Buffy had ever seen. She wore her brand new pink dress with the lacy cap sleeves and white ruffled pinafore, and looked for all the world like a little princess. She laughed and shouted for joy when a piece of the chocolate cake was placed before her, and then with all the abandon of a happy baby, smashed it all over her face, her hands, and her new dress. There may have been some that actually made it to her mouth.

This was Buffy's happy day. It was more than a birthday, it was exactly one year since that awful time when she had given birth to a child she could never see and never hold, a year since her mother scowled at her and told her she **would **sign away her baby forever and never see her again **or else**. 

And Buffy had done it. She'd managed to outwit them all and prove them wrong. She had her baby still with her, and the little girl was healthy and beautiful and more importantly **happy**. Katie was a happy little girl, and Buffy couldn't have been prouder of her daughter, or more grateful for her life together with her. She loved that little girl with her whole heart.

Faith was taking a ton of pictures to memorialize the occasion, and Lorne also snapped a lot of photos with his own camera. He made sure there were plenty of Faith and Robin together, as well as more of Faith and Buffy. The candid shots were always the most interesting.

The 'party' had been a success even though it was quite intimate. Buffy had done balloons and streamers and a big banner proclaiming the day, and Faith had assisted Robin in preparing a meal that was actually quite good. Who knew Robin was such a good cook?

Afterwards, the men left together to get back to the club for the evening, but Faith stayed to talk and clean up and just enjoy the evening with Buffy and Katie. They hadn't really just relaxed and talked in quite a while, and both girls missed that easy camaraderie. With Katie tucked safely in her playpen just outside the kitchen entryway, the girls began the task of cleaning up the mess left in the kitchen.

"How does it feel?"

"How does what feel?" Buffy quirked an eyebrow at Faith as she wiped the mess off the table and high chair.

"To be the mother of a year old kid," Faith chuckled. "Old hagdom can't be far behind."

"Funny." Buffy mock-scowled and threw an ice-cream covered sponge at her cousin's chest. Faith caught it and laughed.

"Okay, maybe not old hagdom. Middle-aged hagdom." She threw the sponge back at Buffy.

"Don't make me come over there." Buffy warned as she started gathering the trash into a new plastic bag.

"Ooooh! Scary! You've got that whole mother-vibe thing going on already," Faith taunted. "Next you'll be threatening to **ground** me."

"Well, you **were** the one who resorted to threats of spanking as I recall..."

Faith guffawed. "Yeah. Well it turns out you were right. It **is** a turn on."

Buffy dropped the trash bag and stood stock still, wide eyed and speechless. Faith thought the look was hysterical and erupted into gales of laughter that finally caused her to plop down in one of the kitchen chairs. "Your face!" she cried. Suddenly she went very still and asked with some fear, "What am I sitting on?"

Buffy came round and took at look at the seat. "Um, that's where I put the plate of leftover cake when I started wiping off the table."

"Ickth..." With disgust and great care, Faith peeled her pants off right there in the kitchen and wiped the worst of the mess into the trash bag while Buffy cleaned up the chair.

"Well, we didn't need the calories anyway," Buffy consoled her.

Faith just rolled her eyes. "Shower. Now." With that she left the kitchen and Buffy finished the clean up by herself.

xxxxx

When Faith came out all clean and pajama-clad, she found that Buffy had finished up and gotten Katie both washed up and down in her crib for the night. _Quick work, _she noted appreciatively. _Buffy's got this whole 'housewife' thing down. It's a little spooky.  
_  
Buffy was curled up in a corner of the sofa, looking through some of the books Lorne had given her daughter for her birthday. Some were the baby non-tear nylon variety, but one was an obviously expensive volume of Fairy Tales and Nursery Rhymes clearly meant to be read to the little girl while supervised, and that was the one that caught Buffy's attention. It was a beautiful book, with thick paper and beautiful illustrations for each page. It was the kind of book that should become an heirloom some day. Inside the front cover, Lorne had written a lovely birthday greeting for Katie. Buffy was touched that Lorne, who really didn't know them all that well, would spend such money and attention on her little girl's birthday present. He seemed like a wonderful man. A very special man.

Faith got them each a soda and settled down on the other end of the sofa and watched Buffy silently a moment.

"What's Lorne's story, anyway?" Buffy looked expectantly at her cousin.

"Single. Lives alone. Not gay, in spite of the fact that he clearly chooses his clothes at the big and tall gay men's store," Faith offered. "Don't know much else about him. I've never seen him with anyone ever. Not a girlfriend, not a wife, not a friend even. He just comes to the club and goes home as far as I know. Why? Interested?" She smiled gently.

"In **Lorne**?!"Buffy sputtered. "No! I just think he's a nice guy is all, and wondered about his life. He seems so solid and nice to be working... at... a..." Buffy trailed off, clearly uncomfortable at the direction this sentence was going in.

Faith's expression fell. "Too nice and solid to be working at a strip club, you mean?" she retorted edgily.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way," Buffy tried to spin her answer. "It's just that it's not something I know much about and I guess I always imagined the men who'd work in a club would be, I don't know, kinda sleazy and grabby. You know, pimp-like. And he isn't."

Faith was silent and still looked annoyed. 

"Neither is Robin!" Buffy added quickly. "But he's the bartender, and he's just one guy, you know? One normal good guy could wind up working in a club. But now there's Lorne too, and that makes two guys who seem really nice and normal working in the club and it just wasn't what I was expecting, you know?" She smiled hopefully at Faith.

"I should be totally offended. But I know what you mean," Faith capitulated with a small smile. "Lorne was a surprise to me, too. He really is a great guy." She grinned evilly. "You could do a lot worse."

"Stop that! Eww," Buffy grimaced. "Sooo not my type. And way too old. I mean, he's like, what? **Thirty**?" She sipped her soda and shook her head, frowning. "At **least**!"

"Yeah, over the hill. Way too old for...wait a minute! I thought we agreed you were practically a middle-aged hag. Maybe **you're** too old for **him**!"

"You really want me to ground you, don't you?" Buffy threatened dryly. "Or...we could try out that spanking theory of yours." She waggled her eyebrows at Faith.

"Only if you get Robin over here to do it. Otherwise, I'd just have to kick **your** ass instead." Faith grinned.

"Oooooh. Scary." Buffy threw her words back at her, and Faith just laughed.

They stayed up late that night, talking and joking and just sharing their thoughts and plans with each other. They agreed to accept Lorne's invitation to Thanksgiving this year. It was really nice, and seemed like old times again, a time before there were babies and strip clubs and the daily grind of life they had grown into.

That evening, for the first time since Fred had left, Buffy felt utterly content.

xxxxxx

The following morning, Buffy was playing with Katie and some of her new toys. The baby doll Robin had given her was a big hit, although she was in for some rough handling at the hands of her small caretaker from what Buffy could see so far. As she played with her daughter Buffy couldn't help but let her thoughts turn to her own mother and family, and she wondered what they were doing right now. Did they realize that Katie's birthday had come around? Did they think of her? Did they think about Buffy at all any longer? Did they miss her as much as she sometimes missed them?

She wished her life had gone differently, that she could return home with her daughter and take her place in her own family again. Then she'd be able to go to high school again, see her friends again, perhaps even be a cheerleader again. That was the fantasy dream anyway. Mostly, she just wanted to know she was loved and cared for by her parents once more; that, just like when she was little, anything bad or scary would be chased away by her mother and father, and that they loved her and wanted to protect Buffy as much as she loved Katie and wanted to protect her.

Was that even possible? Did they love her that way? She couldn't imagine treating Katie the way her parents had treated her, especially towards the end. Could her parents have loved her as much as she loved Katie and still have behaved so coldly toward her at a time when she had needed them so badly? And were they still searching for her? If they found her, would they really do all the terrible things her mom threatened her with even now that she had proven that she was capable and strong and could raise her daughter?

Buffy turned these questions around and around in her mind, and came up with no answers. If she called them, let them know she and Katie were okay, what would they say? Would they be happy to hear from her? Would they welcome her home?

In the end, the risk was too great. Buffy let it all go. She would rather not know, than confirm her real fear - that they really didn't care. She curled up with Katie and read her a story from the new book Lorne had given her. For now, she would content herself with her little family of three. Perhaps later, much later, she'd be able to see her parents and Dawn again, and they could share their lives once more.

But not today.

xxxxxxxx

Spike sauntered out to his car after lunch, hoping to avoid any more uncomfortable confrontations with Harmony today. The girl had a healthy self-esteem, and apparently had convinced herself that Spike's rejection was simply a state of what she called 'badmoodiness' and not to be taken seriously at all. So she continued to pop up at inopportune moments, and was currently spreading a rumor that they were now 'a couple'. Harmony and Spike. **Together**. 

So far, nothing Spike said or did put a damper on her 'new relationship' enthusiasm. Every day he came to school to find a new pink heart-shaped post-it on his locker, complete with a gooey message declaring her undying love, to 'Blondiebear', from 'H'. He tore them off and threw them in the trash can. But new ones magically appeared the next day.

Spike was beginning to think he'd been caught in a trap from which he could never escape. Aside from actually murdering the girl, he was at a loss as to how to discourage her attentions. Nothing penetrated. After today's lunchtime drama, during which Harmony attempted to sit on his lap and nibble on his ear, he had decided to make a hasty exit for the remainder of the school day. Surely tomorrow would be better. He'd get some control of his life again. Tomorrow. **Today**, there was a bottle of JD with his name on it just waiting at home. He needed to get to it right **now**.

Just as he reached his car he felt a tap on his shoulder. He froze. How had Harmony managed to follow him out here, in spite of his carefully thought out and circuitous route? Angry, he turned to face her head on and tell her exactly how he felt about her once and for all. For the third time in as many hours.

"Look--" he started, then pulled back immediately.

"Um, hi Spike." greeted not-Harmony hesitantly.

Spike was shocked. He'd been so certain it was...Well. He sighed with relief, letting the tension leave his shoulders, and began frantically searching his memory for the name that fit the pretty young blonde girl standing before him. It was...was...yes! Her name is--

"Uh, hi. Cathy," he smiled with satisfaction.

"**Chelsea**," she corrected with some asperity.

"Right. Chelsea. Knew that," he tried smiling again, with what he hoped was some charm. Chelsea did not smile back. "What can I do for you today?" Perhaps a sexy smirk would work on the girl. It usually did for most females.

"You've already done enough for one lifetime, I think," Chelsea threw sarcastically at him. Then she blindsided him with a bombshell.

"I just thought you ought to know that I'm two months pregnant and you're the father." 

He actually stopped breathing. She could not have said what he heard. And breathing - there was no breathing. Could that happen? Could you get news so shocking that you no longer needed to breathe? He wondered how long a person could go without taking a breath...

"Well?" Chelsea snapped.

"Wha-ungh-eh?" he squeaked incoherently. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I'm what now?"

"The father...of the baby...that I'm pregnant with." she stated coolly.

"Um, well...how do you--"

"You do **not** even want to finish that sentence." Chelsea threatened with a glare.

Spike had to admit, that was probably good advice. Because she did seem pretty certain about this. And angry. He pulled his coat closer about him, subtly shielding his sensitive manly bits from any sudden moves on Chelsea's part.

"Uh, well, I know we used protection, Chelsea. That's supposed to prevent uncomfortable conversations like this one, yeah?" Spike tried again. Chelsea just stared at him like he'd grown another head.

"It's not one hundred percent! Nothing is one hundred percent," she threw up her hands in exasperation. "God, I haven't ...with anyone else...and the timing is exactly right. Face it, you're a father..." she trailed off. "Sort of," she finished quietly.

"Sort of?" Spike yelled, then looked quickly around to see if anyone else heard him. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "What do you mean I'm a father 'sort of'? Either it's me or it's not."

"Yeah, it's you," she stared past his shoulder, off into space. "It's just that I told my mom about it and she freaked out. Said no way was I making her a grandmother at her age," she returned her gaze to him. "And she made an appointment for me to have it...you know...taken care of." She said this last very softly. She didn't look angry any more, just very sad.

Spike didn't know what to say, but felt he'd better think of something quick. He felt bad for the girl standing before him. And also greatly relieved that he wasn't being asked to be anyone's father in spite of the situation. And extremely guilty that he felt relieved. 

"Well...Chelsea...I'm sorry about this...I...I've never had this happen before, I really don't know what to do here." He reached out and tried to take her hand in a show of empathy and support, but she tugged it away.

"Right then," he stepped back a bit. "Do you want me to go with you to the..." Chelsea's head shot up with a severe scowl and Spike assumed that he shouldn't finish that sentence either. "I could pay for..." No, that wasn't getting a good response either. At this point Spike was completely out of ideas for how to make this even marginally better.

"Well, I am sorry, Chelsea. I never meant for this to happen," he said softly.

"Yeah," she stared at the pavement and shrugged. "I know. And it wasn't just you, it was me too, I know that." She sighed resignedly. "I just thought you should know. Since it's yours. And, you know..." she left that thought unfinished.

"Yeah."

"I'm gonna go now. I have class and the bell rang ten minutes ago." Chelsea gave him a last somber look, and turned to walk away.

Spike watched her go. Shocked. Relieved. Guilty. He wondered which one would win out in the end. A father. Sort of. He had just dodged a very big bullet. So why did he suddenly feel so lost?

Yeah, he wanted to climb into that bottle and not come out again until he'd figured out how he felt about everything that had happened today. He wondered how long that would take.

xxxxxxx

Thank you to all who review, and please be assured that Spike and Buffy will be meeting soon. Their paths are on the verge of crossing at this point.

Sara


	5. Chapter 21 thru 25

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

B/S

Rating: M

Summary: Life can be difficult when you are fifteen years old with a baby and few options. Fortunately Buffy Summers is a resourceful girl. Spuffy.Note: The ratings and warnings I am giving for this story do not represent the entire story - they allow for occasional forays into difficult subjects, but most chapters do not dwell there. It's not a fluffy story, but it is not unrelentingly grim. Like life, it flows among the highs and lows. Winner of 'Judge's Pick' in Eleventh Round of _Spuffy Awards_

Spoilers: none, all human AU.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Twenty-One**

_**On The Edge of Tomorrow**_

xxxxx

Mid-December

Willow had decided not to confront Spike immediately when she noticed that Harmony seemed to have blown up into full stalker mode right in his face. She had hoped that Harmony's reaction to Spike's 'use and discard' dating behavior would prove the wake up call that he needed and her planned lecture would become unnecessary. Unfortunately, the only effect Harmony seemed to have on Spike was extreme annoyance. The dating behavior remained firmly on track.

Until the week before Thanksgiving.

Sometime during that week, Spike changed. His mood was neither angry nor flirty. He seemed... thoughtful. Contemplative. Sad, somehow. Yes, overriding everything, there was a sadness in Spike the last few weeks that colored everything he did and said, and Willow could not put her finger on what might have been the cause of this swift change in mood. She had turned from furious friend to concerned friend when she watched Spike at school day after day, just going through the motions, not speaking unless specifically called upon to do so. His mind was clearly elsewhere right now.

Even Harmony was unable to get a rise out of him. Whenever she would do something that previously would have infuriated him and resulted in a edgy put down, he now simply smiled sadly at her and told her to leave him be for a bit, that he needed some space to think.

Oddly, that seemed to work with Harmony. She seemed to understand the whole 'I need some space' lecture while the 'get away from me you skanky bitch' one had no effect whatsoever. Strange girl.

Spike had not appeared at their table for lunch today, so Willow excused herself and went in search of him. After some effort, she finally located him in the small amphitheater outside the music rooms, smoking a cigarette and looking like his head was ten thousand miles away.

"Spike," she called gently to him. His head tilted in her direction briefly, but he didn't look her way or otherwise acknowledge her presence.

She walked over and sat companionably next to him on the cement 'stage'. "We missed you at lunch." No response. "You okay in there?"

Spike smirked briefly and nodded. "Fine."

"You don't look fine. You look kinda... lost," she noted softly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He remained silent, taking another drag on his cigarette.

When he didn't respond further, Willow tried again. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't be."

"_Don't be_ he says," Willow smiled. "As if." She tried again. "It usually helps to talk about things. Holding them in all on your own doesn't usually work out well in the end, I've heard."

Silence. He blew out a smoke ring and they both watched it rise and disappear. Suddenly he stood and crushed the cigarette out with his boot. With his back to her, he looked out over the cement seating area and put his hands in his duster pockets. Willow remained still.

"Spike--"

"'M a father, did you know that?" he blurted suddenly.

Willow's eyebrows shot up with alarm. He turned to take in her reaction.

"Yeah. Well, 'almost' a father anyway. Girl got rid of it coupla weeks ago."

Willow didn't know what to say. "Just like that?"

"Just like that." He turned back to stare out over the seating again. "No fuss, no muss. Gone."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not," he turned back to Willow. "Yeah. I'm _relieved_." He laughed harshly. "Relieved. Fuckin' wanker that I am...Relieved." He shook his head and sighed heavily. "Fuckin' useless wanker."

Willow jumped up and stood beside him. "No, Spike. Not a 'wanker', whatever that is. Anyone would be relieved in a situation like that. It doesn't make you a bad person," she stopped. "Did you _talk her into_ getting rid of it?"

"Nah, her mum pretty much insisted that was the way it would go. My feelings weren't really in the decision, you know?" he answered quietly.

"Well then, it wasn't your decision to make and you didn't make it. You have nothing to be guilty about there." Willow nodded firmly.

"Don't work like that, pet," he turned toward his friend and smiled sadly. "I was the one who put her in the position to have to decide, wasn't I? That was on me. I did that." He stared at the ground and added, "I created a life without any thought, and was relieved to see it end so it wouldn't upset my own life, my own plans. 'M not proud of that, Red. 'M gonna live with that the rest of m'life. Always gonna know I did that."

Willow took his hand in hers and squeezed until he looked her in the eyes. "Yeah, you will. It was a mistake. But you can make sure it doesn't happen again that way, you know? You can learn from it and be a better man because of it." She smiled. "You're a good person, Spike. I know that about you. This doesn't change that a bit. But maybe you should, you know, lay off the power dating for a while. Start thinking about maybe finding a real girlfriend, someone you can share your life with, instead of a bunch of girls whose names you barely remember. You know?"

He took in her quiet words and her loving support, and pulled her into a hard embrace.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. Time to settle down a bit, yeah?" He nodded seriously.

"Just have to find the right girl is all." Willow grinned into his chest. "I hear Harmony is available."

He erupted into a huge belly laugh as he let go of Willow. "I'll just bet she is."

The two friends started walking back toward the main building. Willow noted Harmony walking across the campus in the same direction, and quickly pulled a puzzled Spike off the other way. No need to ruin the moment.

xxxxxxx

"Well, golly. Aren't they just the cutest little things? I could just eat them all up," Mayor Richard Wilkins III gushed cheerfully as Brownie Troop 32 waved a goodbye and filed out of his office on Saturday morning. He turned to his Deputy Mayor, Alan Finch, who was standing nervously to his left.

"There's the future of America, right there, Alan. Fresh-faced and innocent, their whole lives ahead of them. Just does my heart good to see their happy little faces learning all about how government works." He reached over and adjusted the blinds as the door shut solidly behind the Brownies and their troop leader. "Bring Mr Trick in now, please, Alan."

Alan nodded and quickly opened the door to an adjoining room, motioning a slim African American man to enter the mayor's office, and exiting hurriedly the same way. The visitor wore an expensive dark grey suit with a perfect cut, as well as some very good, if ostentatious, gold jewelry. He was obviously very conscious of appearances and had the money to indulge that luxury. His whole demeanor was that of a man easily in control and expecting to remain that way.

"Welcome to City Hall, Mr Trick. I trust you weren't waiting long to see me."

Mr Trick smiled and shook his head, "No no, not long at all. It did give me an opportunity, though, to ponder why I would be invited to your office on this fine Saturday morning. It would seem to be, shall we say, indiscreet."

Mayor Wilkins settled down behind his large desk, and motioned for Mr Trick to take a seat before him.

"Hard candy?" he proffered the bowl to his guest as he popped one into his mouth.

Mr Trick shook his head and waited politely for the mayor to get to the point.

"All business, I see. Well, we'll just get down to it, then won't we?" the mayor smiled smoothly. "You have no doubt been paying attention to the little crime wave that has disturbed our peaceful community?"

Mr Trick's eyes narrowed into a frown. "If you are referring to the Coast Killer, then yes. One would have to be deaf and blind not to notice the press coverage this past year."

"Well, he has been quite the busy bee, now, hasn't he? I believe the body count is up to ten now, with three disappearances unaccounted for as well."

Mr Trick nodded, not really seeing where this conversation was going. "Other than dampening tourism, I fail to see how this concerns us."

"Ah, my friend, it concerns us very deeply I'm afraid," the mayor shook his head sadly. "You see, the community has been concerned about this killer for a while now, but lately the press has whipped them up into something of a frenzy about the seeming inability of the police to capture the rascal." He picked up a newspaper and handed it to his guest. "Note today's headline."

"Keystone Cops Can't Catch Coastal Killer." Mr Trick read the headline.

"Yes, the alliteration is simply dreadful, don't you think?" the mayor said with distaste. "However, that is not my concern here. There is something much more disturbing at work."

"And that would be?" Mr Trick was tiring of this conversation. The mayor loved to hear himself speak, and all conversations with the man seemed to take twice as long as they should do in Mr Trick's opinion.

"It's a little thing called _public relations_, Mr Trick. It's an election year, and certain government officials are becoming very concerned over how this failure to capture the killer is affecting their constituencies and their ability to raise money for their campaigns," the mayor stated somberly.

"People are upset. They blame the government and police. What are we supposed to do about that?" Mr Trick asked with annoyance.

"There is an old political saw, Mr Trick, that comes into play in a situation such as this one," the mayor explained patiently. "If you can't give the voters what they want, distract them by giving them something else they want instead. And if you're really good, you can convince them that they wanted the substitute even more than the thing they originally demanded."

Mr Trick sat silently waiting for the mayor to get to the point.

"The powers that be, Mr Trick," the mayor gestured upward, "have decided upon a diversion. Something to draw the newspaper headlines away from the dreary inability to catch a killer." The mayor paused for effect. "They have decided on a drug raid."

The mayor had Mr Trick's full attention now. "Drug raid?"

"Yes, a very large, splashy, visually impressive drug raid. And where do you suppose they have focused their attention for the past two years?"

Mr Trick blanched.

"That's right. A joint operation by the DEA and the local police departments and sheriff's office has been working right under our noses here in San Martine. It's an undercover operation, and the entire thing has been very hush hush. Which is why this is the first I am hearing of it now. An interesting situation, is it not?"

Mr Trick held himself very still in his chair as he pondered what this meant for them.

"Now I suggest, Mr Trick, that you contact your managers and warn them about the impending raids and then immediately disentangle yourself from anything that might tie you to the operation. I will do likewise on my end. And do it now, Mr Trick, as the raid is set to start any time after two today." He looked at his watch. "That gives us four hours to work with."

Mr Trick pulled out his cell phone and started making calls as he nodded to the mayor and walked briskly out of the office.

Mayor Wilkins sat impassively and watched him leave.

xxxxx

Working for Mayor Wilkins was not all he'd hoped it would be. As Deputy Mayor, Alan Finch had initially assumed that he would be granted some power of his own to wield. Sadly, that had not been the case. Mr Wilkins held all the power and control in this office of government, and did so with a cheerful albeit iron will. Privately, Alan referred to the mayor's leadership plan as the 'smile or you will die horribly' plan. Alan learned early on to smile reflexively and support unwaveringly anything the mayor wished to do. With that survival mechanism came also a nervous tic in his jaw and a sensitive stomach. The mayor had all the charm of a grinning death's head in Alan's opinion. He wondered that he was able to fool the voters with his deceptively mild if corny good manners. The man scared the bejesus out of Alan.

For the entire morning the mayor had seemed uncharacteristically snappish and angry, and had only gotten worse after speaking to Mr Trick. Alan tried to go about his business as usual, but he had that hunted look, and visibly flinched whenever his intercom buzzed him in before the mayor. Like it was buzzing right now.

"Alan!" the mayor barked at the young man. Sitting before the mayor was a huge stack of files and documents, and a shredder had been set up hastily in a corner of the huge mayoral office.

"Yes, sir," Alan ducked his head nervously and awaited his orders.

"We have some old useless documents to take care of this morning. The work'll go faster with two busy hands rather than one. Here. Step over here and start with this stack and I'll handle the one next to me." Mayor Wilkins was all smiles suddenly. It was creepy.

"There's nothing like shredding things to just pick up my entire day," the mayor grinned as he started feeding the paper into the machine. "And what a fine day this is, don't you think?"

Alan nodded worriedly and began shredding the second stack. Something was definitely up today, and he didn't know what it was but it seemed pretty bad. He thought idly about updating his resume and getting another job. Another job far far away from San Martine. In another state perhaps. Or a new country. Yes, he really needed to do that right away.

xxxxx

The shredding complete, the mayor dismissed Alan for the day, suggesting he take an unscheduled vacation for the next week. Alan was so relieved to be out of there that he decided not to question it further. He packed up his desk and scurried away. He had already decided he wasn't coming back.

Alone now, Mayor Wilkins sat back in his chair with his hands steepled in front of him. He was certain about the paper trail, and he knew that his managers would shield his name from the authorities, even if they were arrested before they could flee. He didn't like loose ends, though, so he began to consider a back up plan in case one of them decided to trade him for immunity. You never knew with people nowadays. You just couldn't trust a man's handshake any more; and there was no telling what a rat might do when cornered.

When loyalty and trust could not be relied upon, one had to use what one had at hand. He'd always found that fear was a very useful tool in times such as these. And Mayor Wilkins, for all his humble and jovial persona, could be a very scary man.

He settled back into his chair with a wide smile. Yes, fear would be a very useful tool indeed.

xxxxxxx

Faith and Buffy had settled into a quiet life together during the past year, and things were both peaceful and hopeful during this Christmas season.

Faith was learning to handle her new responsibilities in her managerial position at the club, and Buffy was taking in alterations and hemming from the five dry cleaners in the area that had been willing to give her a chance to prove herself to them. It wasn't as much money as she'd been making with Illyria, but it would do for now. She continued to save and contribute to the household funds jar as best she could.

Things were calm and harmonious, and Christmas plans were being made early this year. Faith didn't oppose the tree this time, and they already had some presents wrapped beneath it, tantalizing them with the promise of Christmas morning delights. Buffy's primary domestic concern was thwarting all of Katie's attempts to unwrap the gifts under the tree. She had that whole present-unwrapping thing down pat since her birthday party. She seemed to think that all the presents were for her, and Buffy had rescued a gift from her baby's little fingers more than once in the past week.

Buffy had just recently had a letter from Fred in Texas. The family had gone back to his parents home initially, but the tension there was pretty high, so they decided to see about moving closer to her family instead. Fred said all was well with them otherwise, and that she'd write and let Buffy know what their new address was going to be as soon as she had one to give. She missed her friend terribly, and thought of her often as they prepared for the holidays.

After a enjoying a light lunch, Buffy settled Katie in for her nap, and started hand-sewing the finishing touches on a new little dress she'd made for her. It was black velvet with white lace, and was intended for Christmas day. She knew it was a little extravagant and had no doubt Katie would not really appreciate it at her age, but she couldn't help herself. She had had such a dress for Christmas when she was a tiny girl, and she wanted Katie to have one as well. She had seen pictures of herself opening presents and sitting at the formal dinners her mother always hosted for Christmas, and she was nostalgic for those happier times. She wanted to give Katie the best she could, always. She stilled and thought a moment and corrected herself. She wanted to give Katie all the best without the whole rigid Stepford aspects of it. She had to remind herself - she was not her mom. And if Katie got this little dress dirty, she would not be having any angry scenes and spoil the festive occasion. She was _not_ her mom. She wasn't.

xxxxxxx

Robin had decided to take Faith away to Carmel for the weekend, just the two of them, and they'd rented a bungalow near the beach for the utmost in privacy combined with a charming atmosphere. The entire location was idyllic, even in the chill of winter, and Faith was completely and utterly content with her life right now. A stroll among the many shops was next on her list of things to do, and she was glad she now had the money to actually buy some proper gifts for her loved ones this Christmas.

They were just leaving the restaurant after a very enjoyable mid-morning brunch when Robin's cell phone rang shrilly. Faith watched Robin speaking to someone on the other end, his face becoming more grim the longer he listened. Suddenly he hung up the phone and grabbed Faith's hand.

"We're outta here. Now." he declared urgently. With a strong tug he pulled Faith with him to his car and loaded her in.

"What's happening!" Faith demanded to know. "Who was that on the phone? What are we doing?"

Robin didn't pause a second while he answered her. "That was my boss. He said the cops are on their way to the club and my apartment any minute and we have to get out of here now."

"Get away! Get away where!" Faith was in shock. What the hell was happening? What was she supposed to do?

"Come with me and I'll take care of you, Faith," Robin urged her as he hopped in the driver's seat and grabbed her hand again. "I have to go. You're in this too, and I love you Faith, I really do, but I have to go, with you or without you. If you don't come with me then the police are going to put this on you. Please, just come with me now. Before it's too late."

Faith couldn't think. What the hell should she do? She loved Robin, she knew her hands weren't clean here and she'd wind up in prison too if she didn't run. But what about Buffy? Would she be okay? What would Buffy do?

"Buffy?"

"What about her?"

"What do I do about her? She can't support herself. She _needs_ me."

"She's a grown woman, she can take care of herself, Faith. It's us who are in trouble here." Robin drove hurriedly back to the bungalow to get their bags.

"No! She's not, she's sixteen, baby, she doesn't have anyone else. I've gotta bring her with us."

"There's no time, Faith. We can't drive back to Sunnydale to get her. We leave here _now_ or go to prison. There's papers in the club that implicate us both, and we're not there to destroy them. I love you, I have money in an offshore account, and I can take care of us, but only if you come with me now. NOW Faith." Robin looked hard at his girlfriend, urging her to give him a final answer.

Faith nodded her assent with a heavy heart. She had to go, she couldn't go to jail. She loved Robin, she wanted to be with him and he said he'd take care of her.

Buffy would be okay. She wasn't involved in this, no one would blame her for anything, she didn't know anything. She was strong, she'd survive this. But Faith had to go now, and there was no looking back.

With a last prayer for Buffy's safety, Faith turned to Robin and said with all the conviction she could muster, "Let's motor."

And in a blink, they were gone.

xxxxxx

Buffy folded the dress into the sewing basket, rising and stretching her tired muscles.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Who was at the door? Faith was gone for the weekend, and there really wasn't anyone else around to visit with.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Louder. Impatient.

"Coming!" She walked over to the door and asked before opening it, "Who's there?"

"Police! Open the door!"

Buffy froze. 'Huh?'

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Authors Note: There are a few things I want to point out. First, this is a hard chapter, as is the next one. A lot happens, and some of it is ugly. Second, each character is portrayed as themselves, they speak for themselves. If a particular character casts aspersions on the honesty or worthiness of another character or entire class of people/workers, that is their experience and opinion, not necessarily the actual truth of the situation. Everyone has their own view of the world and their own agenda. So please do not become offended if a character attacks some group or profession as I am not alleging that the character is necessarily right. They may well be, but it is still not meant as hard real world fact. It's a story. The situations are real, the laws are real, and the people are portrayed as actual people do behave. But as the saying goes, one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch (girl). Ah, Michael Jackson, the early years. 'g'

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**Chapter Twenty-Two**

_**All Fall Down**_

xxxxx

Mid-December

**'Knock Knock Knock'**

"Coming!" She walked over to the door and asked before opening it, "Who's there?"

"Police! Open the door!"

Buffy froze. 'Huh?'

Buffy looked through the peephole and saw that a number of police officers were indeed standing in front of her door.

'Oh God. Zack!'

"Okay! Okay! I'm opening it." She unlocked the door and stood back quickly as the officers rushed her and threw her against the wall face first and spread her legs out. Some woman officer was patting her down and going through her pockets.

"What are you doing? Why are you doing this!" Buffy was almost incoherent with shock. 'Omigod!'

"The apartment's clear." An officer announced to the tall, young, and completely bald African American man standing nearby. Unlike the other officers, he wore a dark suit with a detective's badge on a chain around his neck. While the others fanned out around the apartment, the bald man remained with Buffy.

xxxxxx

Detective Charles Gunn had been assigned the task of searching Faith Lehane's apartment in Sunnydale. He already knew from the investigation report that the suspect lived there with her cousin and a baby. The report was incomplete, however, due to the speed with which the bust was being handled, and he wasn't taking any chances that the blonde girl in front of him was armed or had access to arms in the dwelling. He also had not known when they arrived that Faith was not in the apartment as well.

He watched as a female officer made a quick search of Buffy and nodded to him that she was unarmed. There was only some change and a house key in her jeans pockets. Gunn moved forward and took Buffy's arm and led her over to a hard back chair and sat her down. He pulled up another chair and sat facing the girl.

She was so frightened that she was trembling, and he decided that he would play this as though he was just a friendly investigator doing his job and enlisting her assistance here. He was hoping to draw her into trusting him and giving him information willingly. If he scared her too badly, she'd just freeze up on him. He needed to be reassuring, and at the same time, hold her precarious position over her head as something out of his control should she refuse to cooperate. He needed to position himself as her safe harbor in what for her must be a horrifying situation.

"You're in a world of trouble right now. You can help yourself by being straight with me from the beginning. Understand?" he started in a calm and gentle voice. Around him the officers were systematically tearing the dwelling apart in their search for weapons and drugs and any other items that might prove relevant to their investigation. The warrant was pretty broad and they could look anywhere they chose right now. Buffy was watching them tear everything apart with wide terrified eyes.

"Do you understand?"

"Y-yes. I underst-stand," she stammered. She looked like she might start crying.

"What is your name?"

"Buffy...Buffy Summers."

"Okay, Buffy. My name is Charles Gunn, and I'm a detective with the Sunnydale Police Department. I need to ask you some questions. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Where are Faith Lehane and Robin Wood?"

"Faith? Um, they went away for the weekend. Together." She was distracted by an officer ripping the sofa apart.

"Where did they go?"

"I don't know."

"Sure you do."

"I don't."

"She wouldn't leave on a trip and not mention where she was going. I told you that you need to be straight with me, Buffy. The only way I can help you is if you tell me the truth."

Buffy started crying as she stammered, "I-I really don't kn-now. It was sup-posed to be a sur-prise roman-tic week-end. Even F-faith didn't know where R-robin was taking her."

Suddenly, from another room, a baby started crying. Buffy went stiff immediately and tried to jump up and out of the chair, but Gunn held her back. She swung her head toward him and suddenly the terrified young girl was fierce. "My baby. Give me my baby!" No pleading there, just raw primal ferocity. The transformation was startling. He might have to rethink his opinion of this one.

She struggled against him again, and then looked over to where an officer was carrying the little one into the living room. Buffy tried to rise again, and Gunn stopped her once more.

"Hold on." Gunn ordered Buffy sternly. He rose and gestured to the officer to bring the baby over to him. "Did you search the baby?" The officer looked uncomfortable but replied that the baby and her clothing were clear. Gunn nodded to the officer, and the officer handed the baby to her mother.

Buffy took Katie in her arms and did a cursory examination of her to see if she was indeed unharmed, and seemingly satisfied held the little girl close to her chest and rocked her slightly, back and forth. The baby laid her head down on her mother's shoulder, stuck her thumb in her mouth and hiccuped a few times as she settled down. Buffy glared accusingly at Gunn as she sat down again.

"Don't touch my daughter." Her mouth trembled but her voice was strong and clear.

"Okay, we're good here. You can hold your daughter. But I am still going to talk to you, and you need to cooperate. Understand?"

"Yes." She seemed to be calming down a little, but she no longer resembled a scared little girl. Gunn was impressed.

"Is there anything in this apartment that we should know about?" Gunn continued.

"What do you mean?"

"Drugs, guns, other weapons, false identification papers, anything that you know is illegal. It would help you if you told us about it before we found it on our own. And we will find it, Buffy. As you can see, my men are doing a thorough search."

The girl looked stricken. Guilty. 'Interesting. She knows something's here.'

"Tell me."

Silence.

"Tell me now before we find it. It'll only go harder for you if we find it without your help."

"Um, well," Buffy looked really uncomfortable. "My ID card is fake."

Silence.

"And?" Gunn prodded.

"And what?"

"What else?"

"Nothing else. I have a fake ID. That's all." She looked scared again, and Gunn found it difficult to believe that she was that concerned about a fake ID, unless she was wanted in some other jurisdiction or under another name on some other charges.

"Why do you have a fake ID, Buffy? Are you wanted on other charges, needed to hide here with your cousin?"

Buffy looked stricken. Something was seriously wrong here. Before Gunn had a chance to ask her further about this, he heard a commotion in the other room, and an officer entered the living room and called out to Gunn that he needed to 'take a look at this'. Apparently, they'd found something incriminating in a back bedroom.

Gunn told Buffy to stay put and went to see what they'd found. When he returned he looked hard at Buffy.

"You have something you want to tell me?" he asked her in a clipped tone.

Buffy just shook her head and looked puzzled. "No. I don't know what you're talking about. That's my bedroom, there's nothing illegal in my bedroom."

"_Really_?" Gunn remarked in disbelief. "What would you call this?" He reached behind him and brought forward the rocking horse for her to see.

"It's a _rocking horse_." Buffy frowned and explained as though she thought he was thick. "Those are illegal?"

"They are when they have these hidden inside the seat." Gunn pulled out a bag of what appeared to be drugs of some kind and a gun and two clips of ammunition. The seat had a hollow compartment within that had been screwed closed. It was clear that someone had unscrewed it and discovered the contraband within.

He watched Buffy's entire face go pale and slack in what could only be shock. He handed the toy and it's contents off to an officer and strode quickly over to the girl to catch her if she actually did pass out. She was trying to say something but words weren't actually forming any longer, and then suddenly she burst into great heaving sobs, clutching her daughter and rocking back and forth on the chair.

He tried to get her to stop but she clearly wasn't hearing anything he said any longer. She just sobbed. Not knowing what else to do, he handed his gun to an officer nearby and took the girl in his arms and held onto her and helped support the baby as well. After a couple of minutes she seemed to come around to herself again and looked up at him with big watery eyes.

"I didn't know," she shook her head. "I swear I didn't know...Oh God. In her toy horse! They put it in he-her toy horse!" she just cried and cried, but she was with him now, and he let her settle back into the chair on her own again.

"Buffy, you're going to need to come with me to the station. Do you understand?"

Buffy nodded miserably and looked back over to where an officer was bagging the horse and the contraband as evidence.

"You have the right to remain silent..."

xxxxxxxx

After another brutal scene in which Katie was forcibly removed from her mother's arms, Buffy was handcuffed and taken to the Sunnydale Police station. Their promises that Katie would be fine and that social services had been called to take charge of the little girl did not reassure Buffy in the least. But the big men with the guns were clearly determined to separate them, and she had to relinquish Katie in the end.

She had been seated in an interrogation room about an hour now, and no one had come in to speak to her. The room itself was grey brick top to bottom, with a large metal table and several matching chairs. A large mirror hung on one wall. Buffy knew from watching television that the mirror undoubtedly was a one-way window as well. She knew they were watching her from the other side of the wall, and it was creepy. The room was too cold and she hugged herself trying to keep warm.

She wished someone would come in and talk to her already, so she could explain what had happened and get her daughter back. That was her only hope, that they would believe her and give her Katie again so she could go home. She just wanted to go home.

xxxxx

On the other side of the mirror Gunn was watching the young girl with interest. A search of the apartment had produced other things aside from drugs and the weapons. In his hand he held the fake ID she had confessed to, as well as what he assumed was her real identification and papers. According to a New York school ID card - a private school, from it's name - the girl in that room would be the right age to be a high school junior right now. He thought the girl in that picture looked like a happy cheerleader type. Apparently her life had taken a different turn somewhere. There was an official copy of her birth certificate which confirmed that she was indeed sixteen years old now. The baby's birth certificate named her as Katharine Marie Summers, daughter of Buffy Anne Summers and 'unknown'. She had just turned one last month.

What the hell was this girl doing in Sunnydale California, living with a stripper/drug dealer? Where was her family? Something was very wrong here. He assumed she was a runaway, and from the date of the New York school ID, had left quite a while ago. They checked the national database and contacted New York, but found no match of missing persons/runaways that fit her description.

His primary concern, however, was that she was a juvenile and the mother of a juvenile. That complicated things more than he liked, and he was waiting now for a social worker and court appointed attorney to arrive before he began questioning her any further. He wanted to get this right. This investigation was too high profile to be making rookie mistakes regarding the interrogation and search. He wanted no mistakes, no legal technicalities leaving wiggle room for an acquittal.

"Well, _this_ is a problem, isn't it?" A familiar voice spoke behind him.

Gunn turned around and smiled at the man behind him. "Hey."

"I've gotta say, I had no idea she was that young. I mean, she seemed young, but some girls do, you know?"

"Yeah."

"Waiting for social services and an attorney?"

"Yeah, I don't want any screw-ups on this one."

"Good idea. Let me know when they get here. I want to watch this interrogation myself."

"Sure thing."

Alone again, Gunn turned back to the window and continued watching the girl.

"What is your story, little girl?" He spoke softly to the girl behind the glass.

xxxxxx

Buffy heard the door opening, and looked up to see a short blonde woman in hideous polyester pants and shirt enter the interrogation room. The woman smiled and sat down on the opposite side of the table from Buffy.

"Hello dear," she smiled, nodding and clucking with sympathy. "How are you holding up?"

Buffy just stared at the woman, completely confused by her presence in the room.

"Oh! Where are my manners? Dear me! My name is Pat Winslow, and I'm a social worker with the Department of Social Services, Children and Family Services Division." She paused a moment and placed her hand on top of Buffy's hand. "I'm here to assist you with Katharine, dear."

That got Buffy's full attention. "Katie? Where is she? Can I see her?"

"Well, dear, I'm afraid the police won't let you do that at the moment. But we have Katharine at our office nearby, and she's in good shape, happy as a little clam." Pat assured her. "But we need to get her someplace to stay while you're, shall we say, indisposed."

"You mean, a foster home?" Buffy deflated. This was like a nightmare.

"Yes, exactly. And in order to do that properly, dear, I have some paperwork you need to sign here." Pat pulled some official documents from her briefcase and placed them before Buffy with a pen. "Just sign on this line right here, and we can get Katharine safely tucked away with a good foster family before you can say lickety split!" Pat smiled widely at Buffy, who just stared back at her as though she'd lost her mind.

"What does this mean? It's five pages long. I have to sign this thing before you'll take care of Katie? That doesn't make any sense."

"Well, no, not when you say it like that. What this paper means is that we'll be able to get Katharine in a nice, solid, warm family foster home tonight. If you don't sign it, then she'll have to go to the juvenile shelter up north, where other dependent children and babies with no foster homes live. It's not a good option for Katharine, not when we have an opportunity to get her properly placed nearby, near you, and in a good family home." Pat smiled gently, and pushed the papers forward again, and handed Buffy the pen to sign.

Buffy was uncertain, but the shelter didn't sound like a good place for her baby, so she took the pen and began to sign her name.

The door swung open and a booming voice broke the spell. "Hold on there! Don't sign anything!"

Startled, Buffy dropped the pen and sat back in her chair.

The young man had longish brown hair, and wore blue jeans and t-shirt, with a leather jacket draped over one arm which held a briefcase as well. He strode over to Buffy and held out his hand as he deposited both coat and briefcase on the table, sweeping aside Pat's carefully laid out paperwork as he did so.

"Lindsey MacDonald," the handsome man introduced himself. "I'm your court appointed attorney. And you must never ever sign anything that I haven't given you the go-ahead to sign, okay?"

"Okay." Buffy agreed softly. For a small man, he seemed larger than life. His presence just filled the room. Buffy noticed that Pat suddenly looked unhappy.

"Pat." Lindsey greeted the other woman with less enthusiasm. "Swooping in quickly, I see."

"Mr MacDonald," Pat chided him, "I do not swoop. I was merely trying to get her daughter into a good foster family today."

"Uh-huh. Well I'm sure you'll have no problem getting the baby into a good home without the formality of obtaining the mother's signature. My client will not be signing anything right now."

Pat gathered her documents and pen and stuffed them back into her briefcase. "Fine. Then I'll just be going then," she faced Buffy. "I'll be seeing you when your case comes up before family court then. Don't worry about Katharine. I'm sure she'll be fine."

"You'll make sure of that, won't you Pat?" Lindsey asked as she was walking out the door.

"Of course, Mr MacDonald." Pat sniffed, then shut the door soundly behind her.

Lindsey sat down in the chair next to Buffy and turned to her with all seriousness.

"Lesson One: Never sign anything anyone gives you without your attorney reading it and giving the go signal."

"You didn't even look at it." Buffy observed.

"That's because I knew what it was. And you clearly did not." Lindsey said pointedly.

"What was it?"

"Papers relinquishing full custody of your daughter to the DCFS. Which is not the same thing at all as taking custody of her, without your consent, while your legal situation is sorted out. Those papers would voluntarily give up custody and relinquish your parental rights to your daughter. Which brings us to Lesson Two: never trust social services to act in your best interests until you have made damn sure that they actually are doing so."

Buffy thought she was going to be sick. She had almost signed Katie away. "Why would they do that to me?"

"Because to Pat, you are nothing but a runaway underage unwed mother with no visible means of support, living off the proceeds of drug sales and deeply involved in the drug trade and adult entertainment industry. She sees you and she sees trash. She thinks your daughter would be better off if she never saw you again. And that is Lesson Three: a lot of the people who now control your life and fate see the same thing when they see you. Do not fool yourself. You are nothing but a means to an end to the cops, and a trashy drugged out underage whore to social services."

"And what am I to _you_?" Buffy bit out angrily.

"You're my client." Lindsey said quietly. "What else you are remains to be seen."

xxxxxxx

The interrogation went about as well as could be expected. Buffy insisted she knew nothing about drugs or weapons, and had no idea any were in the apartment, and certainly not in her daughter's toy horse. She explained how Faith brought the horse home, and how she called to thank Robin for it. That it was supposed to have come from a shop 'up the coast' but she had no other information about it.

She did not know what Faith did at work but had been told she was an assistant manager of the club now, having started as an exotic dancer, and was Robin's girlfriend for close to a year. She told them that the only other person from that part of Faith's life she had met was Lorne, and she asked whether he was in custody also. She told them that he was a very nice man and that she hoped he wasn't in trouble, too. Gunn told her he could not comment on Lorne's status right now, but he would note her statement for the record.

She explained how she earned money cleaning houses, then taking in sewing. She kept a small notebook of the things Faith had bought for her and the date when she paid her back out of her earnings. She admitted Faith was the primary support for the two of them. She noted with some concern that there was cash in the house and she asked that it be held safe until she was permitted to have it again. Gunn told her she probably wouldn't see that again, as there was no way to prove it was not payment for illegal services. Buffy wanted to argue but Lindsey told her she wasn't going to win that one and to let it go. She pouted, but dropped the subject.

Gunn was frustrated. He wasn't getting anything useful to the investigation from this girl, and Faith and Robin were still in the wind. They had no idea where they were headed but capturing them quickly did not look good. So he decided to turn the interrogation around to Buffy herself. Who was this girl? And what were they going to do with her?

He excused himself from the room for a moment and went to speak to the people watching the interrogation on the other side of the glass. Lilah Morgan, the district attorney assigned to the case, was watching closely, and told him flat out that the only actual crimes they had on her were possession of drugs with intent to sell and possession of the gun and ammo. She could also make a case for child endangerment. She frankly did not believe a word the girl was telling them. In her opinion, anyone could see she was hip deep in this.

Gunn disagreed. He had seen her face when the stash was discovered, and no one acted that well, certainly not this girl. She was also only sixteen, and he thought she belonged in juvenile court, not adult court. That would be his recommendation, unless new evidence of her involvement was discovered. Gunn's boss had been watching also, and his gut told him that Gunn was right on this one. As they argued their points of view, they heard the door to the interrogation room click open, and turned to watch in amazement as an undercover officer entered the room and sat opposite Buffy. Now that Buffy and Lindsey were not alone, Gunn reached over and turned the sound back up, wondering what would happen next.

xxxxx

Buffy was stunned. How could this be possible? "But you're..." she trailed off.

"Hi sweetpea. Been a long day for you, hasn't it?" the tall man smiled sympathetically from across the table.

Lindsey leaned toward Buffy and asked, "You know him?"

"Lorne." she said simply.

Lorne smiled wider, and took her hands in his own large ones and squeezed them reassuringly. He looked exactly the same as always, larger than life and clothed in the loudest clothes she had seen on him so far. The detective's badge he wore on a chain around his neck was the only thing that identified him in any way as a police officer. Buffy was thunderstruck.

"You're a..."

"Cop. Yeah. I've been undercover at the club for almost two years now."

"So that's why you wear those clothes?"

"No, these are actually my clothes." Lorne nodded genially.

Gunn and the others chuckled at that one. They teased Lorne about his choice in clothes all the time.

"Oh. Sorry." Buffy looked down. 'Good Buffy, insult the only cop here who knows you and might help you. Swell.'

"Believe it or not, I get that a lot. No offense taken honey." he smiled. "Now, tell me what your story is sweetheart. We can't help you if we don't know where you've come from and why you're here."

Buffy looked at Lindsey, who nodded that she could answer the questions. And she told her whole story to Lorne that evening, leaving out the rape. She didn't want anyone to know about that. If other people knew, then someday Katie might find out and Buffy never wanted that to happen. She'd make up something, but she'd never let her little girl know that she came into this world in such an ugly way. She knew Faith would keep her secret, but she trusted no one else with it.

After she had told everything there was to tell, Lorne smiled again and told her he'd be right back and left the room.

"What do you think will happen now?" Buffy turned to Lindsey worriedly.

"That depends on whether they believe you."

"Do you believe me?"

Lindsey looked somberly at the girl before him, and replied softly. "Yeah, I do."

"Thank you." She stared at her hands in her lap. "So you don't think I'm a trashy, drugged out, underage, unwed-mother whore?"

Lindsey smiled. "No ma'am."

"Good." A lone tear ran down her face, and she wiped it away with her hand. "Good."

xxxxx

Lorne approached the group on the other side of the glass. "She's telling the truth. I've seen her at her home on more than one occasion, and she doesn't know anything. Faith keeps her completely in the dark about the club, especially once she found out about the drug and stolen identity business going on there. Faith loves Buffy, and they're cousins, but with completely different upbringing and life experiences. Faith protected Buffy from the harsher parts of life, she didn't want her to know about these things. Buffy's practically an innocent. And she has no business anywhere near adult court." This last he spoke to Lilah, who just shook her head and crossed her arms as she surveyed the men around her.

"You men. You're so easy. A hard luck tale from a beautiful young thing and you fall all over yourselves trying to protect her. Fine. We'll bring this to juvenile court, and she will still be charged with child endangerment." She held up a hand when the men began to object. "I'm sorry, but she has been living in a precarious situation as a runaway three thousand miles from her home and taken a tiny baby along for the ride. She lives with a stripper and 'assistant manager' of an illegal drug organization. She is not getting off without going before a judge and making her case."

Gunn and Lorne looked unhappy, but nodded their understanding.

"You can testify for her if you wish to do so. I'm sure she could use some character witnesses when the time comes. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going into the room and explain the charges to Ms. Summers."

Gunn and Lorne followed Lilah into the interrogation room, and listened while the charges were explained to her and she was told that she would be charged in juvenile court. The first hearing would be on Monday. Since this was Saturday, she would be housed in the jail for the rest of the weekend, and would be kept separate from adult prisoners in the local lock-up. Gunn nodded his understanding of that stipulation.

Lindsey told Buffy he'd see her on Monday morning, before she was brought before the juvenile judge.

And with that, Gunn led Buffy away to her first night in jail. She had never felt so lonely in her entire life.

As she curled up on the narrow bunk, she said a prayer for Katie, that she'd be okay wherever she was now. She asked God to keep her baby out of the juvenile shelter and that she hoped she could be in a loving foster family for a few days until she could get custody of her again. And she thanked Him for sending her Lindsey, Gunn, and Lorne to help her, and also for Faith, that she'd be safe wherever she was tonight.

If she ever saw Faith again, though, she was going to seriously kick her ass for exposing her daughter to drugs and a gun hidden inside her own toy. That was unforgivable. There was no going back from that one. Never.

Finally, late that night, Buffy fell into a fitful sleep.

So ended Day One.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Authors Note: This chapter was too long so I divided into three parts. These three chapters are very heavy on exposition but I wanted to clearly establish the parameters of Buffy's new life after-Faith, and so have been very detailed regarding this section, more so than some may care for, but it's my party and I'll cry if I want to. Or something. Anyway, hope you enjoy this, and sorry it's in three sections.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

_**Ashes, Part One**_

xxxxx

She was so bored. It was ten am Sunday morning and she was once again sitting in the cold grey interrogation room at the Sunnydale Police Department. This time she wasn't there as a suspect but as a prisoner, waiting to meet with her social worker. Since she was being housed temporarily in the local police department jail, the social worker had asked to use the interrogation room for the meeting as it was the most convenient place to speak privately and uninterrupted.

Buffy yawned and put her head down on her arms on the table. She had slept only by fits and starts the previous night. Hyper from the events of the day, bedded down in a strange and uncomfortable jail cell, and surrounded by the constant and unfamiliar noises of the small facility, sleep had not come easily. Add to that the fact that some drunken woman was screaming profanities for almost two straight hours before she finally quieted and fell asleep herself, and it was a wonder that Buffy had managed an hour or two of sleep at all.

She had asked if Lindsey were going to be there, and the officer who escorted her to the interrogation room said he doubted it as she was merely meeting with her social worker and there would be no interrogation that day. Buffy was distressed about seeing Pat again, as she did not trust that woman and didn't know whether she'd be able to contain herself should she be left in a room alone with the weasely little woman with the insincere smile and false concern. She thought that physically attacking her social worker might not help her cause.

At ten-fifteen, a stocky middle-aged African American woman in an attractive blue dress and heels barreled into the room with a thick folder, a bag of donuts, and two cups of take-out coffee. She had a commanding presence, the look and feel of someone who didn't walk around obstacles as much as push them out of her way. She was an imposing figure, impossible to ignore. Intimidated, Buffy shrank back into her chair in the older woman's presence.

"Buffy Summers?"

"Yes."

"Tanya Fillion," she placed one of the coffees in front of Buffy. "I'm with the Dept of Children and Family Services, and am assigned to be your case worker." She opened the bag and placed it between them. "Help yourself."

"Thank you." With a puzzled frown, Buffy took the coffee and snagged a donut. "What happened to Pat?"

"Oh, she's not your worker, she was just in the office last night so she handled your situation for the evenin'." Tanya assured Buffy. "I'm assigned to you permanently."

"Good. I don't ever want to see that woman again." Buffy declared decisively.

"Well, that might be a problem. Pat Winslow is assigned to your daughter's case."

Buffy sighed dramatically. "Why can't we have the same worker?"

"Because," Tanya started adding sugar and little creamers to her coffee as she spoke, "what is in your daughter's best interests might not be in yours. That is why she'll have her own attorney, too. And also, because while Pat is an excellent social worker where young dependent children are concerned, she does not have special expertise with pregnant and parenting teenagers. I do."

Buffy frowned and pulled her coffee closer to her, adding a sugar and cream packet. "This is like a nightmare."

Tanya nodded. "Mmmhmm. I imagine it seems like that now. But this is hardly the first time you've dealt with social services."

"Um, yeah it is."

Tanya paused stirring her coffee and lifted an eyebrow in surprise. "Really? How'd you manage that, with the baby and your age and not living at home and all?"

"I don't know," Buffy shrugged. "My mom just packed me up and sent me to a maternity home, and everything was just taken care of. I never saw any social workers and judges and attorneys before Katie was born."

"But after?"

"I left."

"Left? What do you mean, you left?"

"I took my baby and left the hospital, and then took a train out to California to live with my cousin."

"And your parents were okay with that?"

"Not exactly," Buffy stared at the table where she was tearing her donut into little pieces. "I kinda just took off. They didn't know until I was gone. And they still don't know where I am."

Tanya put her cup down and stared at Buffy a moment. "Let's start from the beginning here. You found out you were pregnant, at what? Fifteen?"

"Uh-huh."

"So how did that go for you?"

Buffy launched into her tale, leaving out the rape, and Tanya sat silently across the table listening to the somewhat convoluted sequence of events that ended with Buffy sitting in this room drinking bad coffee with a social worker.

"Well don't that beat all?"

"I guess." Buffy replied uncertainly. She had no idea what Tanya was thinking right now, and she was desperately looking for some clue as to how the social worker saw her situation with Katie.

Tanya shook her head as she brought the coffee to her mouth again. "What a crock o' shit."

Buffy wasn't sure she liked Tanya's blunt dismissal of her story as 'shit'. She looked angrily away from Tanya and tried to get hold of her tumultuous emotions.

Tanya noticed Buffy's reaction, and went on to explain. "Oh, I wasn't talkin' about you, honey. I meant the folks back in New York who were tryin' to get you to leave your daughter and go on like nothin' ever happened. I mean, either they were lyin' outright to you or were just ignorant of the law. But whatever the reason, you've been played."

Buffy gaped at Tanya's declaration. "Huh?"

"Mmmhmmm," she nodded. "Let me try to explain this. I wouldn't usually bother, but since you've got issues in two states that affect your entire life, I think it might be a good thing if you actually understood what happened to you and what is going to happen now. You with me?"

"Sure."

"Alright, then. Let me try to explain this in terms you can understand without havin' the high school political science course under your belt yet." Tanya thought a moment. "You see, there's the federal government - the President, Congress, that sort of thing - and the state government. There's local too, but we're not gonna touch that right now. Anyway, the laws that say how folks are supposed to handle teenagers who get pregnant, like you did, well they're federal laws. Mostly because that's who gives us the money to use. But the states get to decide what their specific programs are gonna look like, and that's what makes each state different. You following me?"

"Um..." Buffy was uncertain.

"Think of it this way. Let's say an elementary school is the federal government, and they've decided that the children in the school - the states - need to color a very specific picture. The school gives each kid a picture to color, the same picture, like you'd find in a coloring book. Each picture is an outline of a couple trees and some grass and a round thing in the sky that could be the sun if you wanted. And each kid gets the big box of crayons and they get to decide what each of their own pictures is gonna look like. They have to keep the two trees, the grass, and the round thing in the sky. But they can choose what color they'll be, and add new things to the picture if they want to.

"So, say Little Miss New York decides she's wants a night sky: she colors the round thing white, makes the sky dark blue, maybe adds some stars to the sky, a witch flying on a broomstick across the moon, that sort of thing. And Little Miss Wisconsin decides hers will be a bright blue sky with a big noonday yellow sun, adds some more trees, and some cows, and perhaps a fence there keeping the cows in. Those Wisconsin folks love their dairy. And Little Miss California colors a sunset, with a red and yellow sun, and maybe an ocean out there in the distance, and maybe some guy huggin' one of the trees. And Little Miss State of Confusion's got a green sky and red grass and purple trees - creative little thing, but a little off normal.

"You see how they all use the same picture, that the school requires them to color, but the pictures all are very different in how they look when the kids are done with 'em?"

"Yeah, I get that." Buffy chuckled at Tanya's examples.

"Well, that's what we're dealing with here. Only a lot more confusing than that. So some well-meaning folks get it wrong sometimes, make mistakes. And other folks don't like the picture the school wants em to draw - the federal government's rules - and they try to find a way around them and hope nobody notices. Turn the two trees into chickens or something, just really go off in the wrong direction entirely.

"So, Miss Buffy Summers, those folks in New York ripped you off there. They decided they didn't want to color trees and told you the picture had chickens in it and you were fifteen years old and had no way to know the difference. And they probably didn't want you to know, because they thought they knew best what you should do and it was easier to get you to do it their way if you didn't know you had any say in it.

"And so now you're here with me, in California, and I'm gonna try to help you get back on track again. But it's gonna be hard, I'm telling you, now that you've spent a year making some very poor choices. That's gonna make it much harder to get this straightened out for you."

Buffy thought she understood what Tanya was saying, but she didn't like being criticized for making 'bad choices' when she didn't feel like she had any good choices to make in the first place.

"I did the best I could. It's not my fault if people lied to me."

"No, it's not your fault and it's not fair that you get the fallout from it now. But life's not fair, Buffy. And we have to play the hand we're given. You just got a shitty hand." She reached over and patted Buffy's arm comfortingly. "But we're gonna work at making this better."

"Thank you," Buffy nodded quietly. She was almost afraid to ask, after having suffered so much the past year. The thought that all of this could have been avoided was disheartening, but she needed to know. "So... What was wrong with what happened when I had Katie? What should have happened?"

Tanya sighed. "Well, you were fifteen. You were a minor and your parents had complete control over your life and that's what you were used to. That's what was expected of you. But once that stick turned blue or pink or whatever - positive - you became something different than just a fifteen year old girl. You became someone _else's_ mother. And the law says that as a parent, you have rights that no one can take away from you without just cause, even if you are only fifteen years old.

"But the adults around you didn't tell you that. They wanted you to do what they told you to do, and as long as you believed they had all the power, you would be easier to control. It blew up in their faces when you did the cut and run with your baby, and ever since then you've been makin' decisions based on that old misinformation they fed you back home. That's why you're here in this room today, because you made poor choices that you thought were your best choices. And it's a damn shame." She shook her head as she let her words sink in to the young girl in front of her.

"What kind of choices did I have?" Buffy was trying to understand this, but it was so far outside her experience and knowledge that she simply couldn't fathom it.

"First of all, the law does not say that you have to live with your _parents_ in order to keep your baby. The law says that you have to live in a supervised environment or be emancipated. Emancipation wasn't really an option for you then, you were too young and couldn't support yourself. So we won't go into that. But once your parents told you that you could not come home to them with your baby, you should have been offered other alternatives. There are group homes for teenage mothers who have no home. In fact, I happen to know that in New York, for instance, that if you are in foster care yourself, and give birth in a hospital as an underage mother, social services is _required_ to find a placement for you that includes your baby, and the hospital has to keep both you and your baby until something is found for you. Other arrangements can be made, other relatives contacted who can take you in.

"Now, again, there are people won't tell you that, they'll tell you you have to be discharged right then, and then get you some papers to sign so your baby can go into foster care while they try to find a joint placement for you. And once you sign those papers you've given up custody of your baby and God help you to find a placement with your baby once that happens. They probably won't even try any more, because they got you out of the hospital. But as long as you don't sign those papers, they're stuck with you and you better believe they're gonna work real hard to find a place for you to live to get you both out of that hospital. So that's one thing you could have done right there, if anyone had bothered to tell you. But they didn't tell you that.

"Your parents wanted the baby gone like nothing ever happened. The people in the maternity home wanted to give your baby to another family they had lined up to adopt. They all probably thought you were too young to be a good mother anyway, so they just let you think that you didn't have any other choices. And now here you are."

Overwhelmed with the enormity of what she'd just been told, Buffy closed her eyes and laid her head on her arms. How could this be true? How could they have done this to her, when she had made it so clear to them that she wanted to keep Katie? They _knew_ how she felt, but they did this to her anyway. It was just too hard to take it all in.

She raised her head and looked at Tanya with tears in her eyes. "So what do I do now?"

"Well, you've been arrested on some very serious charges. You are a very fortunate girl because the detectives who arrested you have convinced the district attorney to drop the most serious of those charges. They don't believe you were actually dealing drugs or knew about the drugs and weapon found in your apartment. But you still have a charge of child endangerment hanging over your head, and you had an illegal false California ID Card, and are officially a runaway minor. Those're serious charges, too, although not as bad as drug dealing and weapon possession.

"We can't just leave you and your daughter in limbo here, so you are going to be brought before a juvenile court judge tomorrow for an initial disposition and temporary placement hearng. We're a small county so we can be more flexible on these things than a larger county might be, so you're fortunate there. But the same judge that is deciding on the child endangerment charges is also going to be determining the custody arrangement for your daughter and where you are going to live. And where your daughter goes has a lot to do with what the judge determines on the charges brought against you. The juvenile judges are pretty good folks, and you should be fine before any one of them. You need one who will be sympathetic and understand the circumstances you were in when you made the decisions you did.

"I'm hoping for probation and an independent living arrangement for you and your daughter together. I think that is the best outcome we can hope for. The judge'll certainly order you to take a study course for the GED exam at a minimum. But you'd be eligible for TANF benefits, free child care while you're in school, and there's lot of teen parenting programs you would probably be ordered to attend, so that the state can be assured that you'll be able to take care of yourself and your daughter. There's a lot of services here for parenting teenagers, and a lot of rules too. But a program specifically for you would be set up with my office and with the probation department, and you'd be able to keep Katie with you while you do that. So it should work out fine for you."

"What is TANF?"

"Temporary Aid to Needy Families. Welfare benefits. In California, for teen parents, it's called CalLearn."

"Oh," Buffy was afraid to ask. "What about my parents? Will you be calling them too?"

"Yes, we need to let them know where you are and what is happening with you. We can ask them if they'd be willing to let you come home, but I'm not sure that you'd be permitted to leave the state as long as you're on probation here. That'd be up to the judge and he'd need to see at least one of your parents in his courtroom before he'd make such a decision to let you out of our jurisdiction, especially considering your history of runnin' off last year." Tanya took out a pen, "What is their number? I'm gonna need to call them since I need to report to the judge tomorrow on that."

Buffy gave Tanya her phone number and decided to ask one last thing.

"What about our things at the apartment? Our clothes, toys, pictures. Can we get that back?"

"Sure. You can pack one suitcase for each of you to bring along with you. Let me ask one of the officers to escort us to do that. Hopefully they're through with gathering evidence there by now."

Tanya returned a few minutes later with Detective Gunn, and they left together to pack up Buffy's and Katie's belongings from the only home they'd known for the last year.

xxxxxxx

At the apartment, Buffy waded through the chaos the police had left in their wake, and packed up as many clothes as possible for herself and Katie, and took as many favorite toys as she could for her daughter, as well as the Christmas presents, now unwrapped from Saturday's search. She got the baby book, and some pictures that were important to her, and some odds and ends. To her dismay, she saw the suitcases too quickly filled.

After they had located the drugs in the rocking horse, the police were more destructive of the things they searched, and cushions and toys were ripped open to examine their contents in search of contraband. There was a lot of general destruction and ruined furniture and belongings. After a frantic search, she found her stuffed pig, Mr Gordo, under a pile of bedding and was thankful that he, at least, remained intact. Buffy felt tears welling up again, and pushed them back ruthlessly, as she did not want these people to see her crying yet again.

As they were packing, Mr Kralik came by and asked what he was to do with the rest of the personal items in the apartment. Faith was gone, and Buffy couldn't even take all of her own things with her. She simply didn't know what to do about it. Tanya asked if Mr Kralik had a storage area in the building that Buffy could use to store some more personal items, and he said he would be willing to do that for her. He had always liked the two girls, and he didn't like to see what had happened to the young one and her daughter. Buffy thanked him and some tears did escape then. Tanya and Gunn assisted Buffy in selecting the items that would be kept and stored by Mr Kralik, including some important personal items belonging to Faith, and the landlord kindly agreed to pack them up in boxes and place them in a locker in the basement for them. Buffy promised to let him know her new phone and address as soon as she had it, so he could contact her if he found he could no longer keep the boxes. He told her to take her time, that he wasn't going anywhere.

Buffy gave him a big hug, and with that she left the little apartment for the last time. At least she still had her memories. No one could ever take those from her.

xxxxxxx

_Monday_

Bored again.

'Is this my life now? Long periods of boredom, punctuated with periods of dread and terror?'

She glanced around the room again.

'_Way_ too much wood paneling in this room.'

She laid her head on her arms on the table.

Buffy was waiting in a small secured conference room near the Family Court 'courtroom', waiting for Tanya and Lindsey to arrive. She had been there for what seemed like hours but was actually only fifteen minutes. Right now, her entire world seemed to have narrowed down into long periods of waiting for some adult or other to escort her from place to place, without any say about it on her part. This was only the third day and she was already going crazy from the sheer amount of control that she currently did not have. And from the boredom.

'If they decide to sentence me to prison, I am _so_ screwed. Cuz this? This waiting makes me wanna punch something... something... _woody_!'

A deputy opened the door and admitted Lindsey, who was carrying two take-out containers of coffee. He greeted his client, and held one out as he plopped down in a chair across from her at the wooden table.

Having spent her entire life being told that coffee was for adults, not children, Buffy idly wondered if having a baby, no matter how young you were, suddenly made adults assume you needed coffee as much as they did. And then she considered that right now, she probably did. She took a sip and noted also that this was the good stuff.

"Thanks," she smiled appreciatively

"Sure thing," Lindsey nodded cheerily as he pulled out what she assumed was her file from his briefcase, and began explaining how the courtroom operated and what she could expect from this hearing today. As he was just getting started, Tanya came into the doorway and motioned for Lindsey to come outside. Lindsey frowned and followed her out. In a couple of minutes both adults came back in with somber looks on their faces.

'Uh-oh. This can't be good.'

"Good morning, Buffy," Tanya greeted her gently as she took a seat next to Lindsey. Then she looked at Lindsey, apparently giving him his cue to begin. He looked unhappy.

"What's with the dire?" Buffy asked slowly, with a growing sense of dread.

"Well, we've had a bit of bad luck this morning," Lindsey began. "The regular family court judge that was scheduled to hear your case this morning had a heart attack last night, and usually that means his hearings would be postponed and rescheduled until they could be placed on the docket again before another judge..."

"Oh God, does that mean I stay in jail?"

"No, that's not the problem. The cases haven't been postponed today, because The Judge has decided to hear them himself."

"The judge? What judge?"

"Not 'what judge'. '_The_ Judge. The Presiding Judge of the entire court system in this county. Now usually, in addition to his administrative duties, he hears superior court cases, adult cases, like murder, robbery, rape, that kind of thing. Big crimes, committed by adults, and he's rather fond of throwing the book at anyone convicted in his courtroom. This guy doesn't believe in 'coddling' the accused, especially after they're convicted." Lindsey paused a moment and let Buffy take this information in. "But sometimes he likes to appear in other courtrooms, see how things are going in other parts of the county, make sure all is orderly and proper, the way he likes things to be. And he has chosen today to make one of his little visits."

"This is really bad, isn't it?" Buffy whimpered.

"It could be," Tanya admitted. "We don't really know. He's a law and order judge, and he was elected on a big family values platform last year. He is not known to be soft on adolescent criminals, and he is not a big fan of unwed parentage."

Lindsey picked up the thread again. "Your case has a lot of problems that The Judge could find objectionable and his rulings might be harsh. We just don't know. I will tell you, though Buffy, when we go in there you _must_ look like a 'good kid', act calm and demure, and show The Judge the utmost respect. Always _always_ call him 'your honor' if he asks you to say something or answer a question. Never speak out of turn or make any outbursts, no matter what he or someone else might have said to upset you. It's very important that we show him that you are a good girl, a good mother, and that you are different than most of the kids he sees before him in his courtroom."

Tanya added, "And he sees some stupid, ignorant, just terrible kids, Buffy. He's more used to seeing gangbangers, drug addicts, kids out of their parents control and runnin' the streets, hurtin' people. That's what he expects to see when you go before him. What we have to do, in our presentation and by your demeanor, is show him that you are different, that you deserve leniency and assistance, not harsh penalties and punishment."

Lindsey continued, "And it really helps that Detectives Gunn and Krev-lorn-swath -- Lorne -- are both here to testify on your behalf as well as to lay out what really happened in the drug sting and in the search of your apartment. And the fact that Lorne knew you before the raid and had been in your home helps a great deal too. He has intimate knowledge of your lifestyle and whether you seemed to know anything about the drug and false document operations."

He let this information sit there for a minute, so Buffy could take it all in. It was such discouraging news.

Tanya turned to Lindsey and asked him if he would mind stepping out for a minute so that she could speak to Buffy alone. Lindsey balked, but Tanya let him know that if afterwards Buffy wished to share their conversation with him that would be fine, but she felt privacy was needed right now. Lindsey gathered up his briefcase and left the room.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

_**Ashes, Part Two**_

xxxxx

"Buffy, I have two things I want to discuss with you now, before we go in. I had hoped to have some good news to offer you, and the judge, when we went into court this morning, but it hasn't really panned out.

"The first thing I need to tell you is that I spoke to your father and mother this morning before I drove over here."

From the expression on Tanya's face, Buffy didn't think the news was good. She waited silently for the badness.

"They were both very relieved to know that both you and Katharine were safe and were very surprised that you had been living with Faith all this time. Apparently that had not occurred to them." Tanya continued gently, "But they don't feel that they can have you coming back home at this time, sweetheart. They said they are just getting some of the issues that have been a problem for them worked out, and that they need to concentrate on Dawn and your mother's recovery right now."

"What's wrong with my mom?" Buffy asked with some alarm.

"I believe you saw that she had been drinking more than usual that last year, and it did progress further than that, to the point that she was not able to really be a wife or a mother to Dawn any longer. She entered a recovery program and is doing quite well, but your parents are concerned that the stress of bringing you back home, along with your daughter, would prove too much for her right now. Your father and mother both wanted me to tell you that they really do love you very much and that they are very sorry about how that last year with them went for you, and that they hope and pray for your safety and happiness. Perhaps someday you'll be able to see them again, and work something out with them. But not right now."

Buffy fought really hard not to cry but was losing that battle. They didn't want her. They hadn't looked for her and they didn't want her now. She had suspected but it was so much worse to hear it spoken and confirmed. Tanya gave her a moment to compose herself again, and offered her some tissues.

"What's the other thing?" Buffy sniffled and blew her nose.

"The second thing has to do with the hearing today also, even more now that we know The Judge will be presiding," Tanya sighed uncomfortably and then ploughed on. "On Katharine's birth certificate, the father is listed as 'unknown'."

Buffy stiffened and looked away. This did not go unnoticed by Tanya.

"Now you don't seem like the kind of girl who'd be sleeping around with so many boys that she had no idea who'd gotten her pregnant."

Buffy stared at the tissue in her hands as she started tearing it into little pieces.

"So I think that either you didn't want anyone to know who the father was, perhaps to protect him, or that your pregnancy was the result of a sexual assault." Tanya waited, and observed that Buffy seemed to freeze up when she suggested the last option. "Buffy, if we can go in there and explain that 'unknown' in a way that doesn't make you look like you were sleeping around, that would really help here. Especially with this judge."

Buffy bit her lip and tried to control her breathing. She looked up at Tanya, who was waiting patiently for her reply.

"Wu...um...I..." Buffy dissolved into tears. Tanya got up and came around the table and put her arms around Buffy, who cried even harder.

"I've got you baby, it's gonna be okay now, I've got you." Tanya rocked her gently and cooed into her ear. "Gonna be alright,now. You just nod if I pick the right answer, okay darlin'?" Tanya caressed her head in a soothing manner.

Buffy nodded against the older woman's' chest, and clutched Tanya's shirt.

"Somebody attacked you, didn't they sweetheart?" Buffy nodded miserably. "And you never told anyone, did you?" Buffy nodded again and cried even harder. Tanya kept passing her tissues and holding her as she cried it all out. "You just let it go, baby, you just let it go. Nothing's so bad we can't handle it together. Just let it all go, now."

After about five minutes, Buffy rallied and pulled away. Tears were still falling, but she felt better, relieved. It wasn't a secret any more, at least not as much as it had been. She hadn't felt so taken care of since Fred moved away, and it was such a comfort to be able to melt into the arms of a strong motherly woman who wanted to help you and get you through the difficult times. It had been so long...

Buffy gave Tanya a cursory description of her ordeal the night of the party, and that no one knew except Faith.

"I don't want Katie to know," Buffy pleaded. "Please don't make it so she has to know someday. I couldn't bear it if she knew..."

"Let's take one step at a time right now, okay. Let's don't borrow trouble that hasn't even arrived yet and may never come. Okay?"

Buffy nodded and said in a little quiet voice. "Okay."

"Now, it would really help your case if we could go in the courtroom and let The Judge know what happened to you. He is probably going to assume the worst about you. It would be much better if we could change his opinion on that score."

"But Katie--"

"Needs her mommy. And we need to come out of that courtroom with you not sentenced to youth authority and Katie not taken into permanent foster care and ultimately adoption. It's worth the risk if we can avoid that, Buffy. Let tomorrow worry about itself. It's today we need to win."

Buffy contemplated the truth of that statement, and then whispered. "Okay."

"Good. Let's get Lindsey back in here. Your case is up in about fifteen minutes, and we still need to finish preparing you."

xxxxxxxx

Tanya and Lindsey explained to Buffy that it was very unlikely that she'd get Katie back at this hearing. Also, that Pat would probably try to pursue a foster placement for Katie with a family who would wish to ultimately adopt her. That was permitted under the law, but it was not a foregone conclusion and Tanya would be working with Buffy to get Katie back in her care again as soon as possible. They had eighteen months tops to make that work, or the state could have Katie adopted out. Buffy was very upset by this news, but Tanya told her it was better to be aware now than to hear it for the first time in court and perhaps upset the judge with an outburst. Tanya assured her that she was going to work very hard with Buffy to prevent Katie from winding up in adoption, but that that would surely be Pat's goal for her daughter. Pat was a big believer in adoption where underage mothers were concerned. As long as Buffy did exactly what the judge ordered, she should be able to get her and Katie back together again.

The deputy opened the door and told them it was time. Buffy took a deep breath and followed Lindsey into the courtroom, with Tanya following closely behind.

xxxxxxxx

Inside the courtroom, at different tables set out before the judge's bench, were the various parties to the hearing. There was Pat and a Korean American man named Gavin Park, who was Katie's court appointed attorney. Katie wasn't with them. At another table the district attorney, Lilah Morgan, had settled in. Behind her, in the first row, were both Gunn and Lorne, waiting to give their testimony when called. And at the middle table Tanya, Lindsey, and Buffy settled down to await The Judge's entrance. Buffy was very nervous, and Tanya reached down and held her hand for awhile to help calm her down. Soon the bailiff stood and announced that His Honor Judge Daniel Holtz was entering and they were all to rise.

Buffy watched the short, stocky, bearded man sit down at his bench and read some papers that the bailiff passed to him. He seemed very serious, severe even, and did not smile when he looked up at the people assembled before him. He seemed like a man who was used to commanding respect and expected to be obeyed.

Buffy's heart sank. This man looked like he ate puppies for breakfast. It may have been her imagination, but she thought he frowned a bit when his eyes fell upon her.

'Oh God.'

"I see that this matter is a criminal case, and is also the temporary disposition of two minor children, one of whom is the parent of the second. I assume that the young woman seated with you, Mr MacDonald, is the juvenile defendant and parent in question?" Judge Holtz spoken in a clipped British accent.

'Oh God.'

Lindsey rose, "Yes, your honor. This is Buffy Summers, the defendant and also the guardian and parent of Katharine Summers." The judge motioned for him to sit, and he did so. He turned his attention to Buffy.

"Good morning, Miss Summers. I trust the accommodations at the jail were adequate."

Buffy didn't know whether that was a question or not, and turned to Lindsey, who nodded.

She rose, "Yes, sir...Your Honor, sir." She sat back down quickly, blushing profusely.

Tanya leaned in, whispering, "Breathe."

Buffy let out the breath she didn't even realize she was holding, and some of the tension went with it.

'Good. Don't wanna pass out now.'

The parties each made their case, and Judge Holtz had a lot of questions about the drug and weapons charges, as well as Buffy's involvement with the strip club and it's underground illegal activities. Both Gunn and Lorne testified about the sting operation and their firm belief that Buffy was in no way involved or even informed about any illegal activities and was completely unaware of the contraband concealed within her child's rocking horse. Judge Holtz listened attentively and asked a lot of questions of the detectives.

He also asked a lot of questions of Pat, about the health and care that Katie had had prior to her being placed in custody. Pat told him that she was a healthy, well-cared for one year old. She had never seen the child with her mother so could not speak to their relationship, but she did have a current vaccination record from the San Francisco Free Clinic that was provided to her from the mother, which was confirmed as legitimate by telephone with the clinic that morning, and she had also been examined by a physician that morning who had pronounced her in perfect health and age appropriate in growth and behavior.

Then he turned to Buffy and told her he wished to ask her some questions. Lindsey and Tanya had told Buffy to answer honestly but clearly, and to stick to the point.

'Don't ramble, they said.' Buffy was so nervous she couldn't tell if she was rambling or not any more, but Judge Holtz didn't seem impatient so she tried to relax and just answer his questions as best she could.

He gave no indication of whether he believed her story or not, and that fact caused Buffy's anxiety to spike. She hoped he would ask all the right questions, because if he didn't ask something that she thought might be important, she didn't know if she was allowed to bring it up herself. She was standing, so asking Lindsey was not easy to do without interrupting the Judge at the same time. She just wished this would end already.

Judge Holtz finished with Buffy, but then suddenly turned to her and asked her sternly what the birth certificate meant by 'unknown' under the father's name.

Buffy couldn't breathe. This was a nightmare. She knew she had to answer, but all these people were looking at her and she'd only ever told two people, the second less than an hour ago, and she didn't think she could get the words out. Judge Holtz looked like he was about to chide her for her lack of response and possibly for being a slut, Buffy wasn't sure.

Tanya rose and placed a hand on Buffy's shoulder. "Your Honor, if I might answer that question for Miss Summers..."

Judge Holtz narrowed his eyes at Buffy, but nodded his assent.

"Miss Summers had just turned fifteen when she was, without her knowledge or consent, slipped a drugged substance and sexually assaulted at a party she had been invited to. She did not know the boys involved and could not identify them once she recovered her senses. That was and remains her only sexual contact and was the cause of her pregnancy. She wrote 'unknown' because she truly does not know the identity of the boys who raped her, and today is the first time she has admitted to anyone other than her cousin that this rape occurred and caused her pregnancy. She is having some trouble answering you for that reason."

Everyone in the room became as still as death, and Buffy closed her eyes and willed herself to sink into the floor and never be seen again. She felt the beginnings of tears behind her eyes; a couple escaped and ran down her face unchecked. Tanya whispered in her ear, "It's okay, baby, I've got you, sit down by me now. It's okay."

Buffy sat down and slowly opened her eyes to find Judge Holtz staring at the papers before him again. She didn't dare look at anyone else. Tanya kept hold of her, her thumb rubbing soothing circles over the back of her hand.

"Breathe, sweetheart, breathe." Tanya whispered in her ear. Lindsey put a hand on her other arm and squeezed without looking in her direction, for which she was very grateful.

"I am sorry that you were abused in such a manner, Miss Summers. You have my deepest sympathies." Judge Holtz didn't seem to soften a bit, but his words sounded sincere to Buffy's ears. "And my deepest respect."

Buffy's eyes widened at that unexpected declaration. She couldn't get herself to stand again now, but she did offer a soft, "Thank you, sir...Your Honor." Judge Holtz nodded as he turned his eyes upon her again, and she wasn't sure but there may have been just the ghost of a smile there for her.

Judge Holtz then turned his attention to Pat again. The Judge questioned Pat on her opinion regarding a proper placement for Katie. Pat went on and on about the wonderful couple who were approved foster parents and who also had been looking for a child to adopt for a long while now, and how Katie was just the perfect child for them and what a good home it would be...and on and on. Judge Holtz finally stopped her and asked pointedly if she could tell him the purpose of adoption.

Pat was at a loss as to how to answer that question, it was such a self-evident answer that no one had ever asked her to define it before.

"Well, your Honor, adoption is a system where we assist couples and families who desire children to adopt them and create a happy family life for the children involved."

'There,' she thought, 'that should please him. He is a big believer in good solid middle class traditional family values.' She smiled at Judge Holtz.

Judge Holtz narrowed his eyes and stared hard at Pat for almost a full minute, and she was trying very hard not to squirm under his scrutiny. It was the right answer, so why was he staring at her like that?

"No, Ms. Winslow, it is not." he intoned seriously.

"Sir?" Pat was very confused.

"The purpose of adoption, Ms. Winslow, is not to find children for people who wish to adopt them. The purpose of adoption is to find families for children who need them."

"That's the same thing. I'm afraid I don't understand..." Pat was more confused now than ever.

"I'm sure you don't, Ms. Winslow. More's the pity." Judge Holtz sat up very straight and announced that he was recessing this hearing for lunch and that the parties should return punctually at one o'clock to hear his decision. And with that, he rose and marched imperiously out of the courtroom.

Buffy almost collapsed back into her chair. "What does this mean?"

Tanya smiled, and Lindsey pronounced, "It means that somebody finally called Pat up on all her crap. Good for him."

"And good for you, Buffy. That was a very good sign of the way Judge Holtz is thinking."

Buffy didn't entirely understand, but she was grateful that it was supposed to be a good thing, and, because she was still a prisoner, she was escorted to a holding area for the lunch that she realized she was too nervous to eat.

So she waited quietly in the little holding cell, her stomach knotted with nervousness.

And very very bored.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Authors Note: I have glossed over some areas of the law and speeded up some of this process for the sake of the story (you didn't really want Buffy sitting around waiting for a hearing date, did you?) but I have tried to be as accurate as possible. It helps that the county involved is fictional, and although the area is very real, I can make the county demographics anything I want, so I take artistic license with county organizational matters. I did the research, but there's bound to be some things that are technically different from someone else's experience. Also, the timeline for Katie's birth was November 2003, making this hearing in December 2004. This is being written in 2006. A lot can happen in three years, and this is a rapidly changing area of law. So please don't be nit picky, not that anyone has been. But it is pretty complex and I'm not doing a thesis on it after all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

_**Ashes, Part Three**_

xxxxxx

At precisely one o'clock everyone was back in the courtroom awaiting Judge Holtz' decision. Buffy sat there nervously shredding some tissues in her lap. Tanya finally grabbed one of her hands and held on to it to calm the poor girl down.

After Judge Holtz settled down at the bench and called the courtroom to order, he took a moment to review the legal paperwork before him once more, then raised his head and looked out over the assembly before him. His eyes finally rested on Buffy.

"Miss Summers, please rise."

Buffy rose, as did Lindsey beside her.

'Captain goes down with the sinking ship.' The thought came to Buffy unbidden. 'Huh.'

"First, I would like to say that I am very impressed by you, Miss Summers. You have managed to create a home for yourself and your daughter in spite of being presented with very difficult circumstances. I am convinced that you were unaware of the drug and identity theft operations going on at the _Paradise Club_ and knew nothing of your cousin's and her boyfriend's involvement with that. I am also convinced that you had no knowledge that drugs and a gun had been concealed in your daughter's toy, and that it had been brought into your home by your cousin, ostensibly as a gift from Mr. Woods.

"It is clear that you love your daughter dearly, and desire to be reunited with her as soon as possible. That is admirable, Miss Summers, and nothing would give me more pleasure than permitting you to do so.

"However, there is still the matter of the false California Identification Card, provided by Mr. Woods to you and presumably made through his identity theft operations. Although I realize that no actual identity theft occurred there, and the name was indeed your own, it was fraudulent and was obtained for the purpose of deceiving legal authorities about your true age in an effort to avoid detainment on a status offense. That is not a light matter, Miss Summers.

"There is also the matter of your running away from home, being truant for the past calendar year when the statutory age for leaving school is sixteen, and defying reasonable parental authority. Those are status offenses, Miss Summers, but you are not an emancipated minor and the law does clearly apply to you in that regard as it does to any minor. One may not traipse three thousand miles from home and 'hide out' in defiance of parental authority even if one believes the reason is sound. I realize that you were apparently not fully informed of your options as regards your own parental rights, but taking flight is an extreme reaction and I cannot condone your actions in that regard.

"Finally, and most importantly, there is the charge of child endangerment. You ran off at fifteen years old with little money and only a very vague plan and you took your infant daughter with you, exposing her to the same dangers to which you were opening yourself. You have spent the year living with a cousin who is an exotic dancer and also managed a strip club where a great deal of underground illegal drug activity was taking place, including stealing identities and selling large quantities of drugs. You exposed your infant daughter to the gentleman who actually ran that operation in the club, and although you did not place the drugs and weapon in your daughter's toy, you permitted her to be exposed to that danger by permitting questionable people into your home.

"I am dismissing the more serious charges of drug enterprise and identity theft as I do not believe you are actually guilty of those crimes and that you had no knowledge of them at the time. I based that judgment on the reports filed by the detectives, your own testimony, and the testimony of the two detectives most actively connected to the case, especially Det Lorne Krev-lorn-swath. I am certain that I am pronouncing that incorrectly," the judge added as he shook his head.

"I will now set out my judgment:

"I am dismissing the drug and weapons charges entirely. But I am sentencing you for the three lesser crimes - false ID, running away / truancy, and child endangerment - with two years probation and time served. The remainder of your probation will be spent in a foster home of the DCFS's choosing in conjunction with the probation department. Although you will reach your majority in a little more than a year's time, your probation shall continue for the full two years, and you will remain answerable to this court for your behavior and your compliance with my rulings. You may not leave foster care before either the expiration of the two year period or upon this court's subsequent ruling, whichever occurs first.

"Since you have no fit guardian to take responsibility for you I am declaring you to be a ward of the state of California. Due to the crimes for which you are being charged, the minor Katharine Summers will also be made a ward of the state. If there were no criminal case involved I would happily place Katharine back under your guardianship and care within the foster care system, but I cannot in good conscience do so at this time. You will be placed in separate foster care homes as soon as appropriate ones can be found and you both will be monitored as to your placement by your case workers. If at some later date you have demonstrated that you are mature enough to do so, and you have been compliant with my orders, I will consider a joint placement for you both. Ms. Fillion and Ms. Winslow, I expect full reports on both minors at the end of 120 days, at which time you will return to my courtroom with Miss Summers and Mr. MacDonald and we will revisit the custody and foster care situation at that time.

"Although I certainly may accept the GED in place of a high school diploma for you, Miss Summers, I have decided not to do so. You will have plenty of time to attend school during the next year and a half, and I believe that it is in your best emotional and educational interests to do so. You seem to be an intelligent girl, and you should not have any problem achieving a high school diploma given reasonable effort on your part. Therefore I am so ordering that social services see that you are placed in a high school near to your assigned foster home, and that you are tested by the school as to appropriate grade level and you are to be assigned to the grade level for which you are prepared. You have been truant for a year now, and we will see if you may enter school as a sophomore or a junior. It's up to you, Miss Summers. But I suggest you take your education seriously. I assure you that I will be doing so." Judge Holtz gave Buffy one of his 'intense scrutiny' stare downs, and she nodded that she understood her orders.

"You shall attend a series of Independent Living Program courses through the Department of Social Services, in preparation for the time when you will no longer be in foster care and will be expected to take your place in the adult world. You will not be required to have finished them all before joint foster care is considered for you and your daughter, but you will need to have completed them before your probation period ends in two years.

"However, I will require you to complete basic parenting courses through the Department of Social Services prior to consideration of a joint foster placement. You may wish to get started on those as soon as possible, Miss Summers.

"You will be permitted four hours visitation with your daughter once a week, on either a Saturday or Sunday. The visit need not be strictly supervised, but it is to take place at either your daughter's foster home or the social services office, whichever your case worker determines is best. I will leave further details to your case workers to determine.

"Miss Summers, I am going to require you to undergo counseling so that you may deal with the matter of your sexual assault. I realize this subject is very painful for you, but it will not help you to sweep it under the rug and pretend it did not occur. I will not require the details of your sessions, that will be left to your privacy, but I will require reports as to your willingness to cooperate in your therapy and on your attendance.

"At the end of 120 days I wish to see all parties - save for the detectives and the district attorney - back in my courtroom for a hearing on what progress has been made and to revisit the joint care issue once more. You have 120 days, Miss Summers, to impress me with the seriousness of your dedication to mothering your child. Do not disappoint me. I am placing a great deal of trust in your willingness to cooperate with my orders. You do not wish to know what will happen should I find that trust misplaced.

"Does anyone have any questions regarding my decision at this time?" he asked as he gathered his papers before him. "Very well then. It has been a pleasure meeting you, Miss Summers, and I look forward to hearing good things when we meet again in 120 days. This court is adjourned."

Judge Holtz marched stiffly out of the room and Buffy sat down with a thump.

"Wow," she sighed. "That's a lot of stuff."

"That's an amazing ruling, Buffy. With this judge, I really feared you'd be looking at some time in a youth facility." Lindsey shook his head as he put his papers back in his briefcase.

"It's a good decision, Buffy. I know it doesn't seem like it to you, but this is a very good thing that happened here today." Tanya added.

"I think Lorne really tipped the scales there, don't you?" Lindsey asked Tanya. The two adults began talking in rapid fire about laws and situations that Buffy did not really understand, but she got the drift of the thing. It was a good day. She just wished it felt like a good day.

'Two years? God, I'll be almost nineteen. And I can't see Katie except four hours a week. That's like _torture_.'

"Buffy?" Tanya was suddenly speaking to her.

"Huh?"

"Weren't you listening?"

"Um...no. Just thinking about all the things he said is all." she said quietly.

"I can understand that. Your mind must be spinning after all those rulings," she smiled. "I said let's get you back to my office so we can get started on a foster home for you. I have one lined up but I won't know until I call them when we get back whether it's available or not. If it's not, I'll have to drive you up to the juvenile facility to stay until we find you something else."

"Okay. Can't be worse than jail, right?" Buffy wondered. "Hey! I _am_ out of jail, right? He didn't actually say..."

"Yes, you are officially no longer a prisoner. Your ass is _mine_ now." Tanya joked.

Buffy chuckled and looked to where Lindsey was talking to Mr. Park and Ms. Morgan.

'Lawyer stuff. Blech.'

A few minutes later Lindsey made his goodbyes to Tanya and Buffy, making sure they both had his business card if anything came up. Buffy gave him a short hug on impulse, and thanked him for being there for her. He just smiled and gave her one of those gentlemanly pretend-tipping-of-the-hat gestures since he wasn't actually wearing one.

"My pleasure, ma'am," he drawled. "I'll see you both in 120 days if nothing comes up sooner." And he walked off into the figurative sunset.

'He'd do John Wayne proud.' Buffy smiled to herself as she followed Tanya out to her car.

'Too bad I'm not a little older...'

xxxxxxx

The foster home was available, so after a quick bite to eat at a family diner, Tanya drove Buffy over to meet her foster parents.

The house was in a solidly upper middle class area of Sunnydale. Two stories, dormer windows, white picket fence, manicured lawn... It was so perfect it made Buffy nervous. She grew up in a perfect home and had really liked the more relaxed atmosphere while under Faith's roof this last year. She really didn't want to go back to Stepfordville.

Tanya handed her the suitcase and they walked up and rang the bell. The deep, impressive-sounding bell. Another Stepford moment for Buffy.

After a few moments the door was opened by a smiling blonde woman in a sleeveless red dress. She looked to be in her late twenties or early thirties. She was hopping on one high-heeled red shoe as she fit it's twin on her other foot. Stable on terra firma once more, she opened the door wide and grandly bade them enter with one arm while she babbled incessantly.

"Well, hello there," Blonde Woman gushed. "Aren't you just adorable? I _love_ your dress, such a good color for you, too." Her smile got even wider, if that were possible, and Buffy noticed her very white teeth were as perfect as everything else about her.

'Grandma, what big teeth you have.' Buffy was startled by that thought, and shook her head to clear it away. 'Nothing good can come from thinking about scary fairytales.'

Blonde Woman ushered them into the living room, on the left, and she asked them to be seated while she brought in the tea service.

'Tea? Seriously?'

Tea cups in hand, like good little Stepford women, Buffy thought to herself. Blonde Woman and Tanya began explaining the foster care set up to her. Then Blonde Woman started explaining who they were, about the house, all the superficial social details one is expected to care about when one visits another's home.

Blonde Woman was married to a _wonderful_ man, who owned three franchise ice cream stores in Sunnydale and the surrounding communities. He was out at the moment and Blonde Woman did not expect him until late that evening. Something about a drive up to one of the farther stores, employee meeting, blah blah blah...

The de ja vu was coming so fast and thick it was giving Buffy a headache.

'Gee. Hello Mom and Dad, version 2.0. Do you drink _yourselves_ silly, too?'

Buffy was trying to pay attention and keep an open mind, but it wasn't really working. She wished she could go home with Tanya, but apparently that was a huge no-no in the social services universe. Rule number one: no taking home the needy clingy people.

After about thirty minutes, Tanya announced that she really needed to get going, and Buffy walked with her to the car to say goodbye. She didn't want to say goodbye, and she could feel the tears starting up again as they spoke.

"Aw, honey," Tanya opened her arms wide and embraced the girl, who was trying very hard not to cry. "It's gonna be fine. It's always a shock at first when you go to live some place new. But you'll settle in in no time, and they are good people, they really are. I know she talks a storm. And seriously? _Tea_?" Buffy and Tanya shared a laugh at that.

"But they've had other foster kids and they were all just fine. And you'll be fine too. Plus? Good school nearby. Nasty little principal but you won't see much of him. But it's a good school and I know you'll fit right in there in no time." She brushed some hair out of Buffy's eyes and gazed on her gently.

"You call me, if you need to. Understand? I'm goin' home now, but that doesn't mean I'm leavin' you, honey. I'm still gonna be here for you. And we've got a lot of work to do, to set up all those programs The Judge ordered for you. My goodness!" she exclaimed. "You'd almost think he was makin' sure you were never done with me, all that work he gave me to do for you." She gave Buffy her biggest smile, a smile that did not prompt thoughts about wolves in grandma's clothing, and hugged her really tight.

Buffy watched Tanya drive down the street and around the corner, and when she could no longer see the car she turned and slowly walked back up the pathway to her new home.

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**End of Part One**

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	6. Chapter 26 thru 30

The Song Remains the Same

By Sara M

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_Because 'A Vague Disclaimer Is Nobody's Friend'_  
Willow Rosenberg

**IMPORTANT NOTE (And the **_**Please Humor Me Award**_** goes to...):**

As I've stated several times over the course of posting this story, the laws and programs involved are hugely complex and I'm not writing a thesis here. Fed laws, State laws, County programs, the criminal justice system thrown in for good measure - it's mind boggling, really. In _Part One_, I did the best I could to create a legally correct framework, although I can't guarantee that every detail is perfect.

For instance, it turns out that the hospital rule _may_ apply only to teen foster children having babies, which Buffy was not, although she was a resident in a maternity home at the time and it was clear that her parents would not permit her to return home with a child, so maybe it would apply, but then she was under sixteen, so maybe it wouldn't apply. Who the hell knows? That's New York, and they have their own problems. New York gives me a headache. In the universe of my story, I declare it to apply. I have gone back and edited that chapter to specify foster children, without further comment, so do what you will with that one.

In California, I purposely sped up the dispositional hearing, and combined it with the temporary custody hearing (which is required to be held within 24-72 hours), and skipped the probation dept reports entirely, in order to get Buffy out of detention and into a home more quickly, and also to get Katie settled. I am operating under the principle that Buffy's situation was unusual anyway - having two minors without support or adult guardian of any kind, needing state intervention, and whose cases depend entirely upon each other's dispositions - and Buffy being subject to a Juvenile Court judge's special sentencing instructions and qualifications for probation, due to an actual criminal conviction being alleged and determined, etc. Different counties do things so differently as it is, I figured we could play with it in a fictional county. The required six month review after initial foster placement actually should be 120 days for a child under three, which Katie is, as they want to either reunify or get the little one adopted faster than older children would be because there are psychological developmental issues at work there for babies and toddlers. It's a whole thing, so I messed that up. I've gone back and edited those chapters to state 120 days instead of six months, so please keep the new time frame in mind, if you're following that sort of thing in the story.

There're lots of details like this that are difficult to pin down and work with. Trying to get firm answers on scores of fine points like this, consistent answers and for the right calendar years and in the right states and counties, is a task that could lead one to the use of massive amounts of alcohol, just to dull the pain.

So, don't look here for legal advice. I am using general information regarding these laws - as accurate as I can but still - and a firm belief in the legal principle that just because you're a kid doesn't mean you that don't have legal rights as a parent, all laid out in the context of a fictional story, for the story's sake.

As for _Part Two_, it is even more complicated and I am therefore going to be vaguer about specific things and am intentionally doing that because I do not want to spend all my free time doing legal research instead of actually writing the story. I've done some research, am trying to make it real, am trying to give programs in the correct part of the state and for the correct year their actual names and content, but frankly, the subject would bring better people than me to their knees, and I want to live. So you're getting the blurry watercolor version. After all, this IS a love story. If you want pitch-perfect law, read a law book. :-)

The song quoted is _Let Me_ by Paul Schwartz and Lisbeth Scott. It is actually a spiritual song, and is extraordinarily beautiful. But whenever I hear it I think of Buffy and Spike in this story, in the context of the spiritual link between two people whose destiny it is to intertwine and lift up the other. If you wish to hear it you can find it at with that rather lengthy disclaimer out of the way, we head into Part Two. At last.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**PART TWO**

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**Chapter Twenty-Six**  
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_**Appearances**_

Buffy closed the heavy front door with care, and took a good look around at what she could see of the beautiful home from the entrance. An impressive staircase stood to the right and rear wall of the wide entry hall, it's dark wooden banister curving elegantly as it wound it's way up to the second story landing. The entry hall itself had dark wooden flooring, polished to a lustrous sheen, a perfect contrast with the cream colored walls. A tall ornate wooden coat rack and side table stood to the left of the door, and a matching umbrella stand and side table stood to the right. A round claw foot table stood in the middle of the large entry hall, with a large urn of red poinsettias displayed at the center.

She looked right, and saw before her the open double doors to a formal dining room. A long dark walnut table with intricately carved chairs stood in the center of that room, with matching sideboard and buffet along two separate walls. Heavy dark gold draperies graced the tall windows looking out over the front yard. The traditional oil paintings above the buffet and along the far wall appeared to be expensive. An oriental rug in a classical design covered the polished wooden floor.

Turning back to the left of the entryway, was another set of double doors, opening onto a very large living room, with a thick pile cream carpet and two formal sofas and several wing chairs, in shades of gold and dark green and brown. A massive brick fireplace stood on the far left wall, with an expensive and ornate fire screen placed before it. More expensive-looking traditional oil paintings graced these walls, also. A perfect, ceiling high, Douglas Fir Christmas tree, decorated in stylish-yet-homey ornaments, garlands and many little twinkling colored lights, stood in front of the center window looking out to the front yard. The same dark gold drapes and more of the same style of expensive dark wood furniture was placed around this room, and the entire effect was one of traditional tastes and a very comfortable income.

Buffy found the decor to be extremely tasteful, classically beautiful, and depressingly stifling. That last feeling, she reminded herself, was a reaction to years of living in a similar home with a mother who could not tolerate the slightest disorder or opposition. Buffy sincerely hoped her feelings were misplaced, and that the elegant furnishings in her new foster home did not come equipped with their own brittle rigid control freak. She really wasn't in the mood right now.

Noticing that the tea service had been removed from the coffee table, Buffy followed a hallway that branched off from the entry hall, into what she was certain was the back part of the house. Here was another living room, this one much less formal, and thankfully promising to be much more comfortable to relax in. It was, Buffy was certain, a 'family room', and acted as the actual day to day living area for the family. It was decorated in a more American country theme, in blues and reds and golds. This informal family room opened up completely, with no partition other than a breakfast bar, into a very large state of the art home kitchen. A table, in the same American country theme, sat near a back window on the kitchen side of the large living area. Buffy would bet money that this is where the family actually shared their daily meals.

The tea service sat upon the breakfast bar, waiting to be washed and put away. Still, there was no one here.

_Strange, that she'd just disappear like that.  
_  
Buffy walked over to the french doors and saw that they opened into a large backyard, as carefully kept as the front was. The central highlight of the backyard was a truly spectacular built-in swimming pool. There was redwood decking, and some good quality wrought-iron chairs and tables sat on this side of the pool patio, as did an enormous barbecue grill station. Even though it was December and rather chilly out, she was really tempted to try out that pool. The whole set up just screamed family gatherings, pool parties, and barbecues. So far, that was her favorite part of the house.

Turning back again, her eyes swept the kitchen/family room and still detected no one there. She continued her trek through the lower level and discovered a laundry room, two powder rooms, and the entry to the three car garage. An enormous black Ford Expedition was parked there, and the garage was as clean and tidy as the rest of the house seemed to be. 

Finding nothing else to interest her down stairs, Buffy wandered back to the entry area, took her suitcase in hand, and ascended to the second level. The staircase ended on a short landing that opened into a large hall running the length of the house sideways, with windows letting in light on either end. She counted four doors to her left, and six doors to her right.

Buffy stopped at the entrance to this hall, feeling that she had gone as far as she dared go in someone else's home without invitation. She retraced her steps, placing her suitcase on the top landing, and stepped slowly back down the stairs and returned to the formal living room. She hoped that Blonde Woman would return soon. She was very anxious and thought she'd feel much better when she was in her own designated room and had unpacked. She sat on one of the sofas to wait for her foster mother to return and show her to her room. She also thought the woman should tell her what her name was, and what she was expected to call her. Strangely, that had been glossed over when she'd first entered with Tanya, and Blonde Woman had talked so incessantly that the lapse was forgotten.

_Great. I live with a ditz whose name no one has even bothered to tell me. And she's wandered off somewhere. Does she even remember I'm here?  
_  
Buffy picked up a magazine that had been carefully laid out among five others, upon a shelf beneath one of the end tables. The magazine was new, and although it was House and Garden, it was the most interesting of the choices before her. She thought she'd just read until Blonde Woman returned, and hoped she didn't fall asleep in the process. She was exhausted from the drama of the day, and desperately wanted to get into her new room and lay down for a bit.

"Oh!" came an astonished cry and a giggle from behind her. "I forgot all about you!"

Standing in the doorway from the hall, Blonde Woman looked both amused and embarrassed at her lapse. Buffy had the impression that she thought it was a cute little lapse. From this and the earlier conversation between Tanya and Blonde Woman, Buffy was starting to think Blonde Woman thought everything she did was cute. She thought that that was going to get old real fast.

For her part, Buffy was annoyed to be forgotten so quickly, but had decided early on to humor Blonde Woman as much as necessary. She really wanted to get along here, and make her stay in foster care as drama-free as possible. She felt that if this was the path Judge Holtz had laid out for her to get her daughter back, then she would walk it perfectly. She had her eyes on a goal and by God she was going to reach it as fast as possible.

So Buffy gave Blonde Woman her best smile, and assured her that it was fine, she didn't mind a bit. Blonde Woman beamed at her happily, and offered to take her on a tour of the house. Buffy didn't want to admit she'd been wandering on her own, so she took in the new information and sights as though she'd never seen them before.

Once Blonde Woman reached the top of the stairs, Buffy realized her suitcase was sitting right there as a testament to her having walked this way previously. Fortunately, Blonde Woman was chattering on and didn't appear to have noticed, so Buffy snagged it and continued to follow Blonde Woman through the second story.

"Our bedroom is at the end of this hallway, the last door on the right," Blonde Woman nodded toward the left hallway without walking any further down that way. "There is a linen closet on the near left, here, and a guest room at the far left. The room on the near right is my doll room."

Buffy gazed down the hallway at the various doors Blonde Woman pointed out to her.

"The 'doll room'?"

"Oh, yes!" Blonde Woman gushed. "I collect antique dolls and dollhouses, and that entire room is where I display and store them. There are some dolls placed around the house, of course, but most of them are in that room. I'll show them to you later." Blonde Woman turned to go down the hallway on the opposite side. "Do you have any hobbies or collections?"

"Um...no."

"Well, that's too bad. I believe every woman should have a hobby of some kind. I've found that it really relieves a lot of tension. And, it's such **fun**!" Blonde Woman beamed.

Not knowing how to respond to this declaration, Buffy quietly followed Blonde Woman down the right hallway.

"Now, here is my husband's home office, on the right here," she turned to Buffy and warned her gravely, "You must never go in my husband's office. He's very strict about his office." She turned and indicated the open door across from the office. "To your left here is the upstairs bathroom," and she continued down the hall, pointing out the different areas as though she were a docent giving a guided tour in a museum.

"Next on our right here is another bedroom, for another foster child should we decide to bring one in." She turned to Buffy with wide sincere eyes, laid a hand on her arm and nodded in all seriousness. "You're our only foster right now, though."

She then turned back to her tour, pointing to a door on the left, across from the 'other foster bedroom'. "That's another closet, and the door on the far left is another guest bedroom. And **this**," she announced dramatically while opening the last door on the right, "is your new bedroom." She smiled happily as she waved Buffy into her new room.

Buffy slowly entered the room and stopped a few feet beyond the door. The room was a light, cheerful room, painted in cream, as most of the house seemed to be, with deep blue curtains pulled back by a sash at each of the three wide windows, which were also fitted with wooden slat blinds, for privacy in the evening. At the center back wall, there was a double size french sleigh bed with a down duvet covered in a blue-and-cream thin-striped fabric. Fluffy down pillows, in flouncy white shams, sat two deep on each side of the head of the bed. Over the bed hung a beautiful oil painting that drew Buffy's attention immediately. It was of a young Amish girl, dark blue scarf covering her blonde head, standing next to a barn in the middle of a light snowfall, herding some cows to the warmth inside. There was about the rural scene something so peaceful and timeless that Buffy found herself calmed as she contemplated it.

A matching bedside table graced each side of the sleigh bed, with a small stained-glass lamp atop each. A cordless telephone and an alarm clock sat on the right-side table. 

A dark blue upholstered wing chair stood on the right side of the bed, on the opposite side of the bedside table. A bureau, a small bookcase, and a matching desk and chair completed the furnishings. There was a good-sized walk in closet, and Buffy could see a door on her right, opening into a private bathroom. Overall, Buffy was pleased with her surroundings.

_I could do sooo much worse than this, _Buffy mused. _Although it looks like Blonde Woman is settling in to to keep me company for awhile.  
_  
Blonde Woman had indeed settled herself on the bed, next to the suitcase Buffy was now unpacking, and had not stopped chattering away. Buffy was having difficulty keeping up with the pace of her 'conversation', especially since the subjects kept changing back and forth at a rapid pace. It seemed as though Blonde Woman was easily distracted and would say anything at all as soon as it popped into her head. 

_She'll run out of things to say eventually. Right?  
_  
"Just the one suitcase? Well there's plenty of room, you can pick up some more things if you want. Tanya was telling me that you'll be attending Sunnydale High School. That's wonderful. It's a good school. We should get you some new clothes before the new semester starts. Oh! What an adorable little halter. I've never seen one like that before, can I take a look at it? Such lovely fabric, it must look just wonderful on you. Oh! I love that black dress. There's wooden hangers in the closet. I just can't abide wire hangers, can you? What a dear little stuffed pig! He looks well-loved, I'll bet you've had him for years. Are those pictures? May I see them? Is this your baby? What a little doll! What's her name? How old is she? Will you be bringing her here sometimes? I'd love to see her..."

Buffy was astonished at the sheer speed and number of questions Blonde Woman asked. She barreled through them so quickly that she didn't really seem to stop to hear any answers. Buffy's headache was getting worse, and she really needed to rest a minute. But she didn't want to insult or alienate the strange woman, especially since she had been quite friendly so far. Since Blonde Woman didn't look to be slowing down any time soon, Buffy decided she'd just have to be as determined to interrupt as Blonde Woman was to talk.

"Um...I...What is...I don't know...I never got...**What is your name?!**" she finally increased her volume and asked her question as rapidly as possible.

Blonde Woman finally registered and stopped speaking. "Oh! Did I forget to introduce myself? I'm so sorry. My name is Rosemary. You can call me Rosemary. Everyone calls me Rosemary. I never did like Rose, or Rosie, or Mary--"

"I'm very glad to meet you Rosemary. Your house is beautiful, and I really love the room you're letting me stay in," Buffy rushed on now that she'd managed to be heard. "But it's been a very long day and I'm getting a headache and I'd really like to just turn in for the night if that's all right? I need to just rest now." Buffy gave Rosemary her best 'hopeful' face, and prayed desperately that the woman would leave her be for a while.

"My goodness, what am I thinking, talking your ear off your first day here," Rosemary bounced to her feet, and announced "Actually, I do have an engagement I was planning to attend and it starts in about thirty minutes. I do need to get going." Rosemary started out of the bedroom and then turned at the door, "If you get hungry, help yourself to whatever food we have in the kitchen, there's a TV in the family room, and Tylenol in the bathroom cabinet down the hall. I expect to get back about ten-thirty and my husband won't be back until very late tonight. You'll meet him tomorrow morning. Breakfast is at 7:30 but if you want to sleep in tomorrow we can find something for you to eat after. We'll have to go shopping and get some foods you especially like, if you want... to..." She finally slowed down and took a breath. She continued more slowly, "I'm very glad you're here now, Buffy. In just the short time you've been here, the house doesn't seem quite so silent, you know?" She smiled sadly.

Buffy hadn't expected this last admission, but immediately thought of her own loneliness at the apartment, when Fred was gone and Faith was often absent. And at least she'd had Katie for company, too. She suddenly saw Rosemary, not as a talkative busy body with loose boundaries, but as a woman with a comfortable life and a beautiful home, but who still felt very much alone. Buffy thought she probably talked to her dolls, but the dolls couldn't talk back... at least she hoped they didn't.

"I used to get lonely at my apartment, too. It's good to have someone else around, even if they don't say anything at all, you know? Just being there in the house is enough, you know?" Buffy said softly.

"Yeah, I know," Rosemary smiled again. "Good night, Buffy."

"Goodnight, Rosemary."

Rosemary closed the door and left Buffy to herself finally.

Buffy finished unpacking, but the last item brought her up short. It was Katie's little black velvet Christmas dress, the one she'd just finished Saturday, minutes prior to the police pounding on her door. She had managed to partition off the pain she felt over losing Katie to someplace deep and inaccessible, just so she could get through the last few days with her sanity intact. She hadn't been able to let herself feel the pain and loss very deeply for fear she would crumple and die right there in the jail.

But as she now held the little dress in her hands, suddenly the enormity of her situation and her devastation at being separated from her baby all caught up with her. She crushed the little dress close to her chest and curled into a ball in the middle of the bed and wept until she fell into an exhausted sleep.

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Buffy woke around midnight, feeling uncomfortable and grungy, still fully clothed and atop her bedcovers. It took a moment to get her bearings and realize where she was. Once she remembered, she rose and put the suitcase and anything else left on the bed on the top of the bureau. She placed the little black dress carefully on a hanger in the closet. Then she stripped out of her clothes and took a quick shower, donning the loose cotton pajama bottoms and baby t-shirt that she usually slept in.

Once done, she looked around the room a minute and tried to decide what to do. The headache was gone, but she suddenly realized that now she was starving. Dinner had been early, and she'd had nothing since. She slipped her thin robe on and made her way through the dark house and into the kitchen. She turned on the light and looked around to see what snacks were available. Discovering some cereal, she made herself a bowl and settled down on the sofa to watch a little late night TV while she ate. Nervous about waking anyone else, she kept the sound very low.

Suddenly a strong male voice came from behind her, in the kitchen.

"Well, hello there," The Voice greeted cheerfully. "You must be the new foster kid."

Buffy put her bowl down on the coffee table and turned around to greet her new foster father, who was also walking over to meet her. Suddenly they both stopped and stared at each other in shock.

"John Smith!?" she gasped, then remembered her manners. "Um, I mean, hi." She smiled uncertainly at him.

John could not believe this. It was the girl from the beach last summer. The girl in the smokin' hot bikini with the little baby building sand castles at the lagoon. _Oh God. How am I going to explain this? I __**flirted**__ with this girl. And now she knows who I am. And that the children weren't even mine. Oh God.  
_  
Buffy was struck speechless. _Omigod. He's the guy from the beach. With the little kids...who weren't his?! And he __**flirted**__ with me! Omigod!  
_  
They both smiled tentatively at each other. John seemed frozen in shock, and Buffy shifted nervously. Neither knew how to say what they were both thinking.

_That slimy scuzzball is married! And using someone else's kids to pick up women!  
_

_That incredibly hot girl is living in my house and could tell my wife at any moment what I was doing last summer! I am so screwed!  
_

_What if he comes on to me now!? What if he thinks he can blackmail me into letting him do things to me in order to stay in this home and not get Judge Holtz mad at me for messing up the placement!? I am so screwed!  
_  
"Well, nice to meet you, John. I'm Buffy."

"Yeah, nice to meet you too, Buffy."

"I'd better wash this up and go to bed now." Buffy started to take her bowl into the kitchen.

"No, leave it. I'm not ready to sleep yet. I'll take care of it for you." John stopped her and reached to remove the bowl from her hand. 

Buffy looked down and handed it off to him. "Thank you. Good night."

John watched her walk out of the room. "Good night." He sat down wearily at the breakfast counter. "I'm in trouble now."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Twenty-Seven**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Appearances, Part Two**_

Sunnydale High School

_Two Days Later_

Willow sat in a hard backed chair in the small vestibule outside Principal Snyder's office, nervously awaiting her summons inside. She had no idea why she had been called out of home room to appear before the horrible little man, but whatever it was could not be good. No dealings with Principal Snyder were ever good. There was an urban legend going around school that on one day long ago an encounter with the principal had been 'mildly okay', but it had never been proven. No, this had to be bad.

She caught herself biting her nails, then shoved both hands under her legs, on the chair seat, to force herself to stop. She was a good girl, a great student, she had almost perfect attendance, and never caused anyone a minute's trouble that she was aware. So why would she be called in --

Suddenly the outer door opened and Mr Giles, the librarian, walked briskly into the vestibule. He stopped abruptly upon seeing Willow and turned back to her without knocking on the door to the principal's office.

"**Willow**?"Giles asked in astonishment. "Why are **you** here?"

"I don't know," she looked at him with puzzled worry. "There was a note. I was sitting in American History minding my own business, and suddenly there was a note delivered saying I had to come to Snyder's office immediately." 

"And you have no idea what this is about?"

"None. And I've been waiting twenty minutes now," she said miserably. "Was I bad? I can't be bad, I'm never bad, but Snyder never calls anyone in for good news, he hates good news, he'd rather pretend there is no good news than tell someone good news--"

"Willow," Giles held up a hand gesturing her to stop. "I'm sure it's nothing amiss. I too have been called in this morning and I strongly suspect that the reasons are related. Let's avoid falling into utter despair until we know what this is all about, shall we?"

Just as Willow was about to argue the point, Snyder's door flew open and the small balding man scowled at the two people in his waiting room.

"Miss Rosenberg. Mr. Giles." he greeted them coolly. "I will be with you in a moment Miss Rosenberg. Mr Giles," he eyed the librarian with narrowed eyes. "Please do come in."

Giles nodded his head in assent and gestured for Snyder to precede him inside. With a last look toward Willow, Giles closed the door to the office.

xxxxx

Principal Snyder gestured to Giles to take a seat while he stood behind his desk and glared at his telephone as though he thought it would come suddenly alive and bite him. Giles thought Snyder looked more agitated this morning than he did during the incident with the band fundraiser, when almost the entire student and parent population of the high school had been stricken with food poisoning from the tainted candy bars.

_Willow was right. This cannot be good. _Giles waited silently for the grim man to tell him what the problem was this time.

"I've called you here this morning, Mr. Giles, because I have just gotten off the phone with the superintendent of the school district. He informs me that we are getting a new student here for the spring semester, and that she will require 'special handling'. Those were his words. 'Special handling'. I do not approve of 'special handling', Mr. Giles. The only 'special handling' students require is when they are expelled from school, not when they are transferred into it."

Since there was absolutely no circumstance under which Snyder would call him in to commiserate as a friend and colleague, Giles now understood that any 'special handling' of this student was going to be passed along to him. _Bloody hell.  
_  
"What sort of 'special handling' is involved?" May as well get through this quickly and be done with the horrid little man.

Snyder sat down and folded his hands on the desk before him, leaning forward to cast a conspiratorial look at Giles.

"Did you hear about the raid on the strip clubs in San Martine Saturday? They were among several locations and businesses involved in a huge drug and identity theft criminal enterprise. Apparently it was all a part of a huge international smuggling ring."

"Yes, it was all over the news the last several days." Giles was irritated. What on earth had that to do with anything?

"One of the girls arrested was only sixteen years old."

"My lord! They had underage girls dancing nude in the clubs?!" Giles was horrified. That had not been in the news.

"Apparently so," Snyder's little eyes glittered. "I'm told she was supporting her baby by stripping in the club. And that she was also heavily involved in drug dealing and that drugs and weapons were actually found hidden among her child's toys."

Giles remained silent, waiting for Snyder to get to the point.

"And now, the little felon has been ordered by no less than Judge Daniel Holtz himself to enter a foster care home and attend high school right here, at Sunnydale High." If Snyder were any more incensed by the news he was imparting, actual smoke would be rising from his ears.

Giles thought this turn of events was very strange. "Shouldn't she be in jail, or a juvenile facility somewhere? Why is she coming here?"

"My feelings exactly. The superintendent did not have an answer to that question, he just said it was on the order of Judge Holtz and when Holtz wants something done, we're to do it." Snyder sucked in a deep breath and pursed his lips in distaste. "So here she will come."

Any brief sympathy Giles had felt for the girl was extinguished by the news that she had an infant involved in this mess, and that she'd hidden drugs and weapons among the child's toys. Such an action was so reprehensible that he could not fathom it.

"And what am **I **to do with her?" Giles frowned.

"She has been out of school for more than a year now. In fact, the last year she completed entirely was ninth grade, and she's had less than half of the tenth. Judge Holtz wants her tested so that she will enter at an appropriate grade level at spring semester. She should, at her age, be a junior. And he wants her to be tutored between now and mid-January so that she has as much assistance and opportunity to achieve an age-appropriate placement as possible."

"Judge Holtz seems to be taking an unusual interest in this girl. Have you any idea why he would push to have her handled in such a manner?"

"No. But he clearly is giving her special treatment." Snyder's eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared as he leaned in even closer. "Perhaps there's some quid pro quo involved."

Giles was taken aback that Snyder would suggest such a thing. Judge Holtz was known to be a very strict and disciplined jurist, and Giles really didn't see him using his position to barter judicial leniency in exchange for sex from a sixteen year old girl. But the situation did not seem right to him either. This was more of a puzzle the more he heard of it.

"Well, I'm sure there must be some other explanation," Giles frowned. "So, what do you wish me to do with the girl?"

"She is coming in tomorrow to receive her instructions. I have decided to have her report to the library to you. You are to get her study books straightened out and issued to her. I think we should start with the required course of study for the tenth grade, and see how she does with that material first. If she tests well on that, we can work on first semester eleventh grade required material."

Giles nodded his understanding. "Do you have any specific subjects and tests in mind?"

"Yes, here is a list of the subjects and the final examinations for each subject from teachers who taught them last year. Give her the tenth grade final examinations first, and any she fails please note what areas she was weak in and arrange for her to study those. Any tests she passes, we will move her onto the junior level list. In mid-January she's to be tested again and a final determination made as to her spring semester grade level. Clear?"

"Yes," Giles looked over the tests and lists Snyder had handed off to him. "I noticed Miss Rosenberg was waiting outside. I presume you wish to have her involved in the actual tutoring for this girl?"

"Yes. I am going to have Miss Rosenberg tutor her up to the time we make a final determination as to her correct grade level. After that we shall have to see." Snyder looked hard at Giles. "But regardless, once school begins the spring semester, I want the girl to report to you every morning one half hour before first bell, and to check out again at the end of the school day. The day's end check-in does not require she stay once she signs out with you. I am counting on you, Mr. Giles. I want this girl watched like a hawk. Judge Holtz or no Judge Holtz, if she so much as steps an inch out of line I want to know about it. I will not have some disgusting little juvenile delinquent running around my campus causing trouble." Snyder rose from his desk, indicating that the meeting was done. "Judge Holtz wants 'special handling'. I'll give her 'special handling'." he growled.

Giles nodded and turned to leave. Snyder called after him, "Send Rosenberg in."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Twenty-Eight**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**The New World**_

_Tuesday_

Buffy's first morning at the Smith house was...strained. She came downstairs for breakfast at 7:30 to find John reading the newspaper while finishing a piece of toast and a cup of coffee. Rosemary was nowhere to be seen.

As soon as Buffy entered the kitchen John gave her a terse 'good morning', folded his paper, and deposited his plate and cup in the sink. He swung on his suit jacket and grabbed his briefcase, looking like he couldn't get out of there fast enough. 

"Is Rosemary up?" Buffy asked his retreating back.

John stopped and half-turned his head in her direction as he answered, "Rosemary wasn't feeling well this morning and decided to sleep in. Please don't disturb her today." He then continued on out the door to the garage. After a minute Buffy could hear his car start up and then drive off.

She looked around the room and sighed. So much for 'breakfast at 7:30'. At least she knew where the cereal was, she mused, and set about to make herself a bowl and pour a cup of coffee. She ate in silence at the breakfast bar.

xxxxx

Once she'd cleaned up the breakfast dishes, she wandered about the quiet house and finally wound up back in her room again. It was strange having nothing to do and no one to talk to. The house seemed oppressively silent, and she began to think that she would go crazy if she didn't hear the sound of someone's voice soon. After more than a year raising her daughter, the present complete lack of work or company hit her hard. She had so few belongings with her that it took no time at all to organize them in her room.

She went to the window and looked out over the street. No one was out, everyone was either at work or school by now. All the houses were beautiful and neat, but there wasn't the slightest sign of activity anywhere.

She decided that she really didn't know anything about her new neighborhood, and this would be a good time to go out and see what was out there. She dressed in a white v-neck soft cotton shirt, blue jeans, black boots, and a black leather jacket, and set out to see what the world had out there for a sixteen year old girl to see and do.

xxxxxx

It turned out that Sunnydale really was a small town after all. Although the area where her new home was located was an affluent section of homes winding around tree-lined streets on the hillsides close to the shoreline, only seven blocks away the houses became less impressive and more solidly middle class. And only nine blocks further still sat a primarily working class neighborhood of much more modest homes. The latter neighborhood covered the near and far sides of the railroad tracks which ran up the Pacific coast, and Buffy was reminded of that old expression 'wrong side of the tracks'. She thought with a jolt that her prior living arrangements were more 'wrong side of the tracks' than she had ever realized. Way **way **on the wrong side of the tracks. She thought with a frown that she had been closer to that trailer trash existence than she had realized. And yet...

_I was happy then, and didn't really think about that kind of thing. I had Faith, and Fred, and Katie, and I was happy there. It didn't matter that we lived in a crappy area in a crappy apartment. I was happy. And now I live in a beautiful house with strangers who are probably stranger than anyone realizes, and I'm not happy at all.  
_  
She turned around and headed back toward the nicer middle class side of Sunnydale again, trying to shake out of the funk she had fallen into. She reminded herself that she needed to keep a positive attitude so she could impress everyone with how well she was doing and get her daughter back again. No one was going to give a baby back to a sullen sulking teenager. She had to make sure no one saw the darkness she was slipping into.

_**Finally**__. All that cheerleading 'upbeat and positive' crap can start paying off in real life.  
_  
When she got back to the center of the town again, she discovered the location of the Sunnydale Mall in relation to her new home. Previously it had just been on a bus route in her head. She also located _The Espresso Pump_ -- the coffee house she had visited last spring -- sitting within a several block area amid quaint shops, the city library, and a full size movie theater. She liked that little section of Sunnydale very much. It reminded her of a village more than anything else. It was comforting to walk through there, somehow.

Everything seemed to be within a reasonable walking distance from 'home'. This was a relief because she didn't drive and had no bus fare of which to speak. With her money confiscated by the police as 'drug proceeds', Buffy had not even a dollar of her own to buy a coke. She hoped that Rosemary or John would bring the subject of an allowance up to her, because she was going to need some spending money and she really didn't want to initiate that conversation herself. She'd never had this problem at home, either in New York or when living with Faith. She didn't like being so dependent on strangers for every little thing now.

It was just past lunchtime and Buffy was getting hungry and thirsty, so she decided to head on back home. She passed Sunnydale High School on her way back, and stopped on the other side of the street to stare at the building that she would be going to on Thursday. It seemed so strange to be going back to high school again. She was so different than the girl she used to be, the one for whom high school and school activities had been almost her entire world. She missed her friends, and wondered if she'd be able to make any new ones now. She was pretty intimidated by the prospect of it all suddenly. What on earth would she have in common with high school kids now? She felt light years away from that world. She told herself that she'd just have to fake it and make sure that all anyone saw was what she wanted them to see. She'd fake anything she had to in order to get Katie back. 

xxxxx

Once she reached the house again, she realized that she'd locked herself out when she left. Rosemary and John had not actually given her a key yet. She tried the garage and found it locked too. She looked around the yard and found that the gate to the back yard was unlocked. Walking around back, she took a look at the pool and thought that would make a pleasant diversion for the afternoon. Of course, if she couldn't get in the house she could hardly strip down to her underwear in order to go swimming. That would not be a good first impression to leave with her foster parents.

She tried the french doors and found they were unlocked. _Thank God._

Once inside she looked around a bit for Rosemary, and called her name a few times quietly so as not to waken her if she were still sleeping. Rosemary's bedroom door was still closed, and a few careful knocks did not produce any response. So she changed into her bikini, grabbed a towel from the linen closet and went back downstairs. After fixing herself a sandwich and a soda she settled down to eat by the pool and spend some time swimming. It was too cold to stay out long, so she gave it up after a while, changed back into regular clothes and watched TV, waiting to see if anyone showed up.

Finally, John came back in around five-thirty and came into the family room, standing and waiting for Buffy to acknowledge his presence. When she turned to him and turned off the set, he cleared his throat to speak.

"Hey," he started uncomfortably as he put his hands in his pants pockets and nodded her way.

"Hi." Buffy wasn't sure what to expect, but she was determined to remain silent until he said whatever was on his mind.

"Yeah," John began. " Did Rosemary come down at all today?"

"Not that I saw, but I went for a long walk all morning, checking out the town, and I didn't get back until two to eat lunch. I didn't see any sign of her at all."

"Oh, I see," he looked at the floor, then suddenly frowned and looked up quickly again. "Lunch? Ah...**lunch**," He sighed and reached for his wallet. "I'm sorry, I should have given you some cash for some spending money, it completely slipped my mind." He pulled a twenty out as he walked over to her and handed it to her with a quick smile. "We'll have to work out an allowance for you so you can buy lunches, incidentals, that sort of thing. A sixteen year old girl can't walk around without any money..." He trailed off.

"Thanks," Buffy said softly as she stuffed the twenty in her jeans pocket. 

"Sixteen," John mumbled to himself. He looked up at her with anguish in his eyes and rushed on. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking this summer, flirting with you on the beach like that. I had no idea you were sixteen, and really, I don't cheat on my wife, I really don't --"

"It's okay, we didn't do anything wrong, we were just talking, right?" Buffy reassured him hurriedly.

"Right. We just talked. It was harmless, a diversion..." John sighed miserably. "I swear to you, I would never have actually, you know, I was just having an innocent conversation, which may have been more **suggestive** than it should have been, but you've got to understand, I was having a hard time this summer, and you were this young beautiful girl who just seemed so sweet and kind and I wanted to just... talk to you. Be the guy who could talk to a girl like that." He looked at Buffy, trying to will her to understand what he was trying to explain.

"No, I get it, I really do," Buffy nodded. "I felt the same way. I hadn't had a guy to talk to in a long time, and you were nice, and the flirting was just nice, you know, and I never would have done anything more, I couldn't do anything more, I have my baby, you know? I just wanted to be a teenage girl who could flirt for a little while. You know?"

"Yeah, I know," he looked at her in relief. "So I guess we both were thinking the same thing then. Innocent flirtation, no follow-through intended, no need to ever mention it again to anyone else. Right?" he raised his head to look hopefully into her eyes.

"Exactly. Right." Buffy smiled and nodded at John, and he finally relaxed and smiled back.

They both felt a great sense of relief at having gotten the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room with them banished once and for all. Although there was still a small part of each of them that worried it might return someday.

xxxxxx

"So, Rosemary's been up there all day," Buffy noted worriedly as she picked out another slice of the pizza they had ordered for dinner. "She okay?"

The air cleared between them now, they sat companionably at the kitchen table, sharing their evening meal. John put his slice down and topped off both their glasses with more coke.

"She gets headaches sometimes. Really bad ones, sometimes lasts a few days. When she gets one of those she just stays in bed with the blinds closed and doesn't come down at all."

"I'm so sorry," Buffy stopped eating, then looked questioningly at John. "But if she doesn't come down, how does she eat? What does she drink? Should I have brought up something to her today or --"

"No, no," John reassured her quickly. "She won't eat anything when she has one of her sick headaches. There's a mini-fridge up in our room with things to drink and some light healthy snack food should she really want something. She doesn't like to come out into the light of the rest of the house, walk down the stairs, anything like that, when she's in the middle one of these headaches. The only thing to do is wait 'em out and when she's feeling better she'll come out and join the rest of the human race." He smiled and tilted his head. "It's nice of you to be concerned though. She'd be happy to know you were worried. Not that she wants you to worry," he rushed on. "But to know that you cared about her, she'd appreciate that. She gets lonely here I know, and I think she's glad to have someone else around when I'm at work."

"Yeah, I got that feeling yesterday when we were talking, that she might miss having people around to talk to sometimes." Buffy said quietly.

"I know she does, I know she does," John nodded. "Did she tell you about her accident?"

Buffy put her slice down and shook her head 'no' as she gave him her full attention.

"About six months ago, she was in a car accident," he looked Buffy right in the eyes. "It was a bad one, totaled the car, the other driver was killed outright." He paused a moment, then continued, "She got off pretty good, but she had concussion, and she needed some care for some weeks. My sister came out with her boys, and took care of her for a month, just was really wonderful to her, to us." He smiled guiltily. "Those were her boys with me at the beach that day. I took 'em to get 'em out of her hair." He shook his head with an embarrassed smile. "Not my best moment, as it turned out."

Buffy smiled and couldn't help feeling a little guilty at her part in that, even though she knew full well she hadn't done anything wrong. But there was Rosemary, trying to recover from a serious accident, while Buffy was swapping innuendoes with her husband.

"Anyway, she recovered pretty well over all, but she was left with these headaches from the concussion, and there's nothing really to be done about it now, the doctors say she'll get better over time, and she has - gotten better - but...she doesn't leave the house too much now, doesn't like getting in the car. I mean she can, but she doesn't want to, you know?"

Buffy nodded.

"We had other foster kids the last eight years, but they were younger kids usually. When Rosemary had her accident we had to give them up. She can't really take care of little kids right now, not with the headaches and all. So we thought we'd offer our home to a teenager, someone who wouldn't set the house on fire or starve to death or anything if Rosemary needed to lay down for a couple days with one of her headaches."

_Ah, that explains a lot, _Buffy thought. _The pieces fall into place.  
_  
"And that's also why it didn't occur to us to give you any money yesterday or this morning. You don't really need to hand spending money off to a six year old, you know?" He stopped for a moment and then exclaimed. "Or a house key!" He bowed his head in embarrassment. "My god, what you must've thought today. At least you didn't wind up having to break back into the house. I'm so sorry."

Buffy laughed, "Don't worry about it. But I will take that key if you don't mind."

"Sure," John got up and pulled an extra set out of a kitchen drawer. "Front door, back door, French doors, garage."

Buffy accepted them with a smile. "Thanks."

"Well, anyway, I'm glad you're here, Buffy. And I know Rosemary is too. I think we're all gonna be just fine living here together."

"Yeah, I think we are." Buffy nodded with a soft smile. _We're gonna be fine.  
_

xxxxxx

That night Buffy lay awake thinking about her first day in the Smith's home and all that she had learned today. She really liked John. But then she'd known that last summer. She knew it was silly, but she still felt guilty about that. She figured she'd get over it eventually.

And she thought she could learn to like Rosemary, too, once she figured out how to work around the talkative over-sharing boundary issues with her. Perhaps it was a result of the concussion, too. Time would tell how their relationship would develop. For now she'd hope for the best.

Thursday though, that was a worry. She had to go see the high school principal on Thursday and find out what she was going to have to do to get caught up in school. She had no idea what level she'd test at. She had gone to an excellent private school before she was shipped off to the maternity home, and had continued studies while there. And she had tried to read and study some GED material this last year. Would it be enough? She hoped so.

_I don't want to wind up being the oldest sophomore in the school, _she worried. _I've just __**gotta**__ pass those tests.  
_  
With her thoughts spinning around and around all of her worries and fears, she finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

xxxxxx

Sunnydale High School

_Wednesday_

"What **is** this?"

Spike slid into the seat next to Xander and frowned thoughtfully at the scoop of orangey grey mush on each of their plates. "Too orange for mashed potatoes...too grey for sweet potatoes... it's... well... it's... it's not worth the risk, mate."

Xander sighed and stared morosely at his plate. "I'm starving, and this just sucks."

"Chicken fingers look okay. May be actual chicken in 'em this time." 

"You think?" Xander asked hopefully as he picked one up and bit a piece off carefully.  
"Hmmm...could be. Tastes like chicken." He popped the rest in his mouth and nodded happily.

"Don't they say that about every weird animal meat out there? 'But it **tastes** just like chicken.'" Oz sat down on the other side of Xander. 

"Don't care. Hungry. In my world, if it tastes like chicken, it's chicken." He popped another one into his mouth and grinned.

"You live on the edge, man."

"That's cuz you haven't tasted my mom's cooking. This stuff?" he wagged a finger at their respective plates. "is considered gourmet dining at my house."

"Hey guys," Willow plopped down on the other side of Oz, who gave her a small peck on the lips in greeting.

Xander looked a question at her. "You missed most of home room. What'd the troll want with you?" 

"You were called to the principal's office today?" Oz asked with concern.

"Bad to the bone, baby." Willow smiled teasingly. "Nah, he just wanted to tell me that I just volunteered to tutor a new girl."

"Volunteered?" Oz's lips quirked in amusement.

"New girl?" Spike asked carefully.

"You mean there's a new girl that Spike **hasn't** met and dated yet? I'm **shocked**." Xander placed a hand on his chest and shook his head in mock surprise.

Spike glared silently in Xander's direction. 

"Actually, she hasn't started yet. She's gonna start at spring semester." Willow poked at the orangey mush and frowned. _What is that? _"I'm gonna meet her tomorrow at free period and set up a tutoring schedule for her."

Xander frowned. "That's weird -- don't eat that, try the chicken fingers, Will -- why isn't she in school somewhere now?"

"He didn't say. Maybe she comes from someplace where their semester schedule is different than ours is." Willow left the mush alone with a frown, and started on the chicken. "Or, maybe... home schooled?"

"**Or**...she just got out of **prison**!" Xander nodded excitedly.

"Nothin' like a good girl-on-girl prison fantasy to brighten a bloke's day." Spike smirked.

"Ew. No." Willow grimaced. "I keep telling you guys. No sexual fantasies during **lunch**!" She shook her head and blushed bright red. "It's very disturbing."

Xander and Spike shared a smile at Willow's discomfort. She was so cute when she was flustered, and she was never so easy to fluster than when the subject was sex.

"Anyway, she's off limits guys. She's just supposed to come to the library tomorrow to get her tutoring schedule and books, and then she has to leave. Snyder was really clear about that. The actual tutoring has to be at one of our houses."

"Weird." Oz pronounced.

"Yeah, I thought so too, but there has to be a reason." She nibbled delicately on a piece of chicken.

"Since when does the troll need a reason for anything he does?" Xander finished the last of his chicken and started eyeing the others' plates for potential leftovers.

Willow pushed her plate toward Xander, who waggled his brows as he happily snagged two more chicken fingers.

"I guess we'll find out what her deal is soon enough," he declared around a mouthful of chicken. "Willow'll get us the scoop."

Spike nodded silently in agreement, while secretly planning a way to get a look at the new girl during Willow's free fifth period tomorrow. Now that Harmony had finally stopped stalking him, he was seriously starting to think about his next conquest. He had thought a lot about what Willow had said about settling down with an actual, real girlfriend instead of the serial dating he had been doing, but he just wasn't ready yet. He'd had a good scare, a reality check with the Chelsea situation and the mess that was Harmony, but those were just the result of not being quite careful enough. He'd learned his lesson, and would just be more cautious in who he chose and be more diligent where protection was concerned. He was too young to be making commitments to one girl. Besides, he seriously doubted there was a girl out there who was worth the bother in the long run. And that included the new girl, whoever she was.

No, he wasn't opening his heart to anyone again. He was no fool.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author's Note: Ta dum! At long last, the time has come to pull these two young people together. I make no promises for an easy time, but it will definitely be spuffy time. Enjoy!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Twenty-Nine**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**When Worlds Collide, Part One**_

_Thursday_

Today was the big day, and Buffy was so nervous that she woke up very early and couldn't get back to sleep. Rosemary had emerged from her bedroom yesterday afternoon, feeling better than the prior day, but much quieter and tending toward crankiness. Buffy pretty much gave her a wide berth the whole day. The plan agreed upon between John, Rosemary, and Buffy was that Rosemary would drive her to the school this morning, and then Buffy would phone her to come get her when her meeting was done and she was ready to return home. Buffy was grateful for that, as she was a bundle of nerves and didn't want to walk all the way to the school before the appointment.

When she arrived downstairs, a nightgown-clad Rosemary was in the kitchen pouring coffee for herself and grabbing a muffin for breakfast. She turned when Buffy entered the area and just nodded sleepily in her direction and shuffled out again.

"Um, Rosemary?"

Rosemary stopped and looked expectantly back at Buffy.

"The meeting starts at 8:15 so should we leave here at 8 then?"

Rosemary frowned and sighed. "I can't deal with this right now. You're gonna have to walk this time." And she continued walking back to her room. "Sorry."

_Great. _Buffy rolled her eyes to no one. Annoyed and disappointed, she fixed herself some cereal and coffee and ate quickly, so she could get moving since she was now concerned about being late.

Before she left, though, she had one last thing she needed to do. She returned to her room and got out the little black velvet dress she'd hung in the closet with care and sat on her bed, holding it close to her heart.

"This is all for you, baby. Mommy's gonna do her best and get you back as fast as I can," she whispered as she laid the dress upon the bed and smoothed it out where her tears and fingers had wrinkled it. "I won't let them see my pain, or who I really am, or anything else that could make them keep us apart. You and I know that mommy's not perfect, but they can never see that, I can't give them any excuse to take you away forever. I'm gonna keep you close to my heart, Katie, and soon we'll be together again. We'll be together again. Just you and mommy." She wiped some tears from her cheeks. "I love you, baby."

She hung the little dress back up, washed the tear stains from her face, smiled prettily for the mirror, sighed deeply, and left for school.

xxxxxx

With not a minute to spare, Buffy walked into the main building of Sunnydale High School. A quick look around showed her that the Administration Office was immediately to her left. It was eight-fifteen, and except for a few straggling students everyone seemed to be in class already. With a deep breath, she entered the door marked 'Administration' and walked up to a long counter behind which were two secretaries, neither of whom acknowledged her presence. She wasn't sure how long she should stand waiting before calling their attention, since they were obviously aware of the fact that she was there for something and had not yet been helped.

Finally, a thin older woman with wispy red hair and glasses dangling from a cord around her neck entered from a further room, and approached the counter, asking with a smile what she could do for her.

"I'm Buffy Summers. I have an appointment to see Mr Snyder at eight-fifteen." she smiled at the woman.

The woman, however, stopped smiling at Buffy and gave her a long look up and down, sniffing as she pronounced, "Mr Snyder has left instructions that you are to go to the library and meet with Mr Giles there." She pulled out a xerox of the floor map, with the way to the library marked upon it, and handed it to Buffy. She then turned and without a further word sat down at a desk and began doing something else entirely. Apparently, Buffy had been dismissed. She noticed the other two women had stopped whatever they were doing, watching her carefully as she left the office. She smiled and gave them a little nod, but they did not respond in any way, just silently watched her leave.

_Okay, and the __**strange behavior **__award goes to...  
_  
The library was relatively easy to locate with the map, and in no time at all she was pushing her way through the double swinging doors into an old-fashioned school library. All the shelving, tables, chairs, card files, stairs and banisters were of solid polished wood of some kind. A real throwback, and utterly unlike the modern chrome and plastic of her school library in New York. Buffy thought the wood made the room seem more real, more solid and secure. Warm, somehow. She kind of liked it. Odd that there were almost no computers, though.

No one seemed to be around, so she walked up to the counter near the entrance and rang the little bell. Almost immediately a rather tall, handsome, middle-aged man with brown hair and glasses, dressed in tweed, appeared from an inner office and approached the counter to assist her. Buffy was fascinated that the suit was tweed, having never actually seen anyone wearing tweed before in her life.

"Yes, may I help you?" Tweed Man asked politely, and she realized he was British.

_Tweed. British. And the pieces fall into place, _she thought. "I was told to come here and see Mr. Giles," she said cheerfully. "I'm Buffy Summers."

Whereupon Tweed Man's entire countenance changed from 'stick-up-my-butt-but-I'm-here-to-be-helpful-to-confused-students-like-you' to 'ginormous-stick-up-my-butt-and-my-true-purpose-here-is-to-shoot-you-down-like-the-insignificant-bug-that-you-are'. 

The change was startling in it's swiftness, and Buffy's face fell for a moment before she caught herself and plastered the fake smile back on again.

"Yes. I've been expecting you. Please have a seat at the table over there," he nodded in a chilly manner and went back inside his office without another word. 

_Huh. _She frowned as she sat herself down at the far side of the long wooden table in the middle of the room. She sat waiting for about five minutes and still Tweed Man had not returned.

_I guess I gave the 'strange behavior' award out too soon.  
_  
Buffy started fidgeting with the hem of her skirt, adjusting her top, twisting the strap of her purse, crossing and re-crossing her legs, anything at all to occupy herself while she gazed about the room waiting for the man to come and tell her what to do next. _I thought British people were supposed to be all polite and stuff._ She sighed heavily, and continued to wait. The morning was off to a **great** start.

xxxxx

Giles watched the young girl from his office window as she fiddled with her skirt and looked around the room from her seat at the table. She was wearing a tan skirt that fell to mid-thigh, brown leather boots that came up to her knee, and a short-sleeved scoop-neck white cotton blouse that showed just a hint of cleavage. She had long blonde hair clipped on either side with simple barrettes, wispy strands of hair loosely framing her face. She was trim and toned and her skin glowed with just a hint of golden tan, in sync with the December season in California. He wanted to say she looked slutty, but really she just looked very young and pretty and aware of how to dress to her best advantage. And he had to admit, she was stunning.

But she was a stripper. And had a baby. And was a drug dealer. And exposed her innocent child to the unfathomable danger of drugs and weapons, hidden among the toys in her home, no doubt to thwart anyone looking for them, as absolutely no one would ever think that a mother would hide such dangerous things where her baby would have easy access to them. No, she was not just a pretty young girl who needed extra tutoring. She was a dreadful young woman who should rightly be locked in a jail cell somewhere, and not sitting in his library expecting his assistance in any way.

Wasn't she? Then why did she not seem more hardened, more world-weary, in her manner? She can't have come to do the things she did and be untouched by the tawdry evil of it all. Evil? Yes, he would go so far as to say that her world, her life, had been evil. He wished he could reconcile this girl with that tawdriness, but it was difficult.

Aware that he had left her alone for longer than he had intended, Giles picked up the test material and school schedule that he had prepared and walked to the table to start the process of preparing this questionable young woman for entry into Sunnydale High School.

xxxx

As she had suspected, Tweed Man was indeed Mr. Rupert Giles, the school librarian. As he laid out the testing and tutoring plan for Buffy, she was saddened to note that his tone toward her had not changed in the slightest. She couldn't understand why she was being treated so coldly by the adults she'd met so far. She wracked her brain, searching for something she might have done, to cause this attitude in these people. She was at a loss, though, and decided that either they'd learn to like her and ease up over time, or they would not. Either way, she was not going to let any adult with a nasty attitude keep her from her purpose of fulfilling her probation plan perfectly and getting Judge Holtz to reunite her with her daughter. She had to just toughen up and take whatever they gave out, with the sole thought of Katie in her mind. These people and their hatefulness were for a little while. Katie was forever. It was all for Katie.

Mr. Giles explained that she would be taking five tests that morning, all tests on subjects that were required studies for sophomore students and in line with work she had already started studying when she was in New York. If she passed a test, she would be permitted to 'pass' that particular course and move on to junior year level work. If she failed a test, she would receive special tutoring tailored to assist her to pass the test again in mid-January. A junior had been assigned to tutor her, a very good student named Willow Rosenberg. Buffy would meet Willow today and they would plan the where and when of the tutoring sessions. Before Buffy left today, she would know what subjects she needed tutoring in, and have been assigned textbooks to read and workbooks to study with. She would not return to the campus again until mid-January when she would take her final tests to determine what grade she was properly in and what subjects she would need to take from spring semester until graduation. Did she understand this?

The entire thing was a little overwhelming, but Buffy smiled and nodded and assured Mr. Giles that all was good. And then she took her tests. The first group decided upon were World literature/Composition, Algebra, Biology, World History, and second year French. Since Buffy had done a lot of work in those already as a freshman and at the maternity home, she actually did quite well on these tenth grade tests. She didn't like school all that much usually, but between her strict parents and the no-nonsense attitude of the staff at the excellent private school she'd attended when home, the tests weren't really all that difficult for the most part. She didn't ace them, but she passed them with a good margin to spare. 

So really, it was the junior-level course work she'd need to test for now and perhaps study. She passed mid-term level Algebra 2, mid-term level American literature, and mid-term level Art history. She'd need to study Geography, Biology 2, and American history and re-test for those in order to be permitted to enter those classes at the junior level when she started school in a month. If she did that, she'd be right on track. If she didn't, then they would have to consider what coursework to permit her to take second semester. Mr. Giles sternly emphasized that it was in her best interests to pass those three tests in January. She assured him she understood what was at stake.

_More than you know, mean British man, _Buffy groused to herself.

It was discouraging, but it could have been so much worse. She was actually grateful that there were only three subjects that she'd have to really focus on. It made the studying that much easier when only a semester's worth of three studies was going to be crammed into one month. She hoped her tutor was a good one. She was going to need the help.

xxxxx

Tests complete, it was now lunch time. Buffy thought it might be a good idea to have lunch off campus since she wasn't sure if she wanted to sit alone in a roomful of curious students today. She'd pretty much had enough of being the object of curiosity and general meanness. She wanted a break.

Giles would not permit her to leave yet, though. He had decided that it was best for her to eat in the library, but he himself would get her a tray from the cafeteria. He didn't want her interacting with the other students yet. That seemed very odd to Buffy, but he was calling the shots today and she didn't want to get him any more annoyed than he already seemed to be, so she smiled and told him that his plan sounded good.

Giles left to get her lunch.

xxxxx

Spike had managed to get out of class early on a fake hall pass, and unobtrusively made his way over to the library to see if he could spy on the new girl from the round windows in the swinging doors. And there she was!

He was stunned. She was truly beautiful, and she looked fantastic in that little skirt. That little skirt that rode up her thigh tantalizingly when she crossed her legs. She was writing something down in a notebook, pausing to think with a little wrinkle of a frown, chewing her pencil thoughtfully, moving it in her mouth. Then out again. Then back in. Then out. Then in. He thought it was the most erotic thing he'd seen in a long time. Oh, he **had **to meet this girl.

He'd seen Giles leave a few moments before, so he decided that now was as good a time as any to introduce himself and feel her out for a date. He wasn't letting anyone get hold of this one before he'd had a chance at her, that's for sure.

xxxxx

Buffy sat writing some notes in the notebook Giles had given to her to use in planning her study work for the next month. She heard the double doors swinging in and assumed it was Giles come back in with her lunch. She was starv---

_Oh. My. God. It's Great Coat Guy. _Her heart slammed in her chest as her lips parted slightly. _He's even more gorgeous now than he was at the mall. _She just stared with wide eyes as he came over to the table. _Here. He's coming here. _She took a breath and put the pencil down.

Great Coat Guy sauntered over to Buffy with a smirk in place, his impossibly blue eyes glittering, and his duster billowing out behind him reminding her very much of some superhero walking in to save the fair maiden from the terrible villain. **Or**... like the villain coming to **possess** the fair maiden. She had no idea which fantasy excited her more. 

"Hello, cutie." Great Coat Guy stopped a couple of feet away with his hands in his coat pockets and a tilt of his head. That amazing sense of being unequivocally, unrepentantly **alive** that she had noted in the mall almost a year ago, was very much in evidence today, even more so now that his attention was focused on Buffy.

She let his greeting roll through her like molten liquid. She had gone all gooey just seeing him again. But the British accent pushed her way over the edge. She was mush. She was a puddle of goo and if this amazing boy so much as crooked his finger at her she would follow him without further thought.

"Um, hi," she whispered, then cleared her throat and started again with more control. "I'm Buffy Summers."

"Spike," he said simply as a grin started to spread across his face. "Spike Rayne. Ol' Rupert here is m' uncle."

Buffy just stared at Spike a moment, then thought about what he'd just said. He was Mr. Giles' nephew. The Mr. Giles that apparently hated her for some unknown reason.

_Please God, don't let Mr. Giles mess me up with this boy. This beautiful, sexy, amazing boy.  
_  
Outwardly calm, Buffy smiled sweetly, stood and leaned against the table in what she hoped was a pretty and mildly seductive pose. She hadn't really done the 'pretty and vaguely seductive young thing' pose since that long ago party that had changed her life forever. The manner came easy to her again, and she forced all negative thoughts about it out of her head. She wanted to impress this boy and get his attention. Assuming he didn't already have a girlfriend...

_Oh God. Of __**course**__ he has a girlfriend.  
_  
How could he not? It was probably that dark-haired girl she saw him kissing the first of the year. Still. He was looking at her like he'd devour her completely if permitted. And something deep inside of her wanted him to do just that.

"William? What are you doing here?" Giles walked through the doors carrying a tray with some indefinable school cafeteria lunch upon it, and placed it on the table behind where Buffy was leaning. He quirked his eyebrow and waited for his nephew's answer with apparent impatience.

Spike squeezed his eyes shut a moment, then turned an annoyed eye upon his uncle. Not only had Giles interrupted what was proving to be the high point of his day - of his week! - he had also referred to him as 'William' which was not a name he really wanted this gorgeous girl to know yet. 'Spike' held the promise of life and love and sexual exploration. All the name 'William' promised was that he'd do your English homework for you if you just agreed not to pummel him into the ground at lunch. Although this distinction existed only in Spike's head, he believed it with his entire being. Nobody called him William if he had anything to say about it. It was as though he'd exorcised the ghost of little 'William' long ago and did not wish the shy skinny kid he represented to take corporeal form ever again. 

Buffy thought that 'William' was a great name, and thought that although he obviously had decided that the moniker 'Spike' was the one he preferred, she'd very much like to get to know who 'William' was, too. Two sides to this beautiful boy. And she also enjoyed the look of annoyance Spike showed when his uncle asked him why he was there. Apparently, this was an unscheduled visit. Could he have come in to meet her specifically? She could dream, anyway.

xxxxx

Giles didn't know why he was surprised that his nephew had managed to show up at just the right time to catch the beautiful young girl alone. He was not unaware of his nephew's reputation among the students. A part of Giles - the Neanderthal part that lay deep within all men - was proud of his nephew's sexual prowess and conquests. He buried that part deep down inside as ruthlessly as possible most days. The more civilized part of Giles was appalled that his nephew seemed to have lost his moral compass, his compassion, and his sense of fair play with the opposite sex. As terrible as this behavior was for the girls involved, Giles was more alarmed presently with its effects upon Spike in general, and upon the man he was growing to become. He wanted more for his nephew.

But with this girl there was an entirely new worry. She was clearly not the kind of girl he wished Spike to have anything at all to do with. His primary concern was that she could, with her dreadful background and lack of any moral compass of her own, drag Spike down to new lows that he had not yet achieved. That Buffy possessed both the knowledge and the desire to corrupt his nephew beyond anything he'd achieved thus far he did not doubt for a moment. 

Giles was torn. As an educator, he was privy to confidential information about this girl that made her completely unacceptable as a companion for his nephew. But as an uncle, he wanted to shout from the rooftops all that he knew of her and prevent any relationship from forming, not with only Spike, but with any of the children he had grown fond of over the last few years. For a brief moment he considered the girl herself, and how this all might affect her, but tamped down those concerns immediately. She had made her choices before he ever met her, and become something he felt was unredeemable in the process. He needed to worry about his children, not this wanton girl before him now.

With a gruff clearing of his throat and a pointed glare, Giles ordered his nephew out of the library immediately. Buffy noticed he did the same head-tilt thing Spike did, although it wasn't nearly so cute on Giles senior.

Spike smirked and did his own head-tilt, and nodded without taking his eyes off this Buffy Summers girl that had so captivated him. With a grin and a promise to see her around, he sauntered back out of the room, coat billowing.

Giles turned his stare on Buffy, and for the first time she noticed the severe scowl he was directing her way. She straightened with a confused frown and shook her head gently, questioningly. She didn't know why this man seemed so hostile, but it was beginning to really upset her.

"Is something wrong?" she asked tentatively. "I mean, I'm getting the impression that you don't like me or something, and I don't know why."

Giles contemplated the girl before him now, and suddenly saw a very young girl who was perhaps not as certain of herself as she let on, and who seemed hurt that she was being treated rather harshly today. He saw for the first time that she really seemed confused by his attitude. Previously, he had assumed she knew exactly what his issues were and dealt with them by smiling and ignoring them. She wasn't smiling or ignoring them now.

"No, nothing is wrong," he lied easily with a very slight smile. "But your lunch is getting cold as we stand here. Please eat. I expect the young woman assigned to tutor you will arrive in less than twenty minutes, and it were better that you were finished and went home soon after. You have a great deal of material to study, and you have no time to be mooning about over boys, Miss Summers." He nodded briskly at her and returned to his office without another word. He could not allow any latent sympathy for this girl change his opinion of who she was and what she had done. He wouldn't let her get to him.

Buffy didn't know what to think about him any more, but she decided to give up on Giles for now. She needed to find out more about this Spike guy. Perhaps her tutor would be able to give her some information.

Spike had burrowed into her brain a year ago and stayed there. Seeing him today just made his presence inside her psyche all the more real and imperative. She needed to see him again. She wanted to get to know Spike. She **needed **to know him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author's Note: Here's part two of the big 'first meeting' chapter. People are who they are, and they live and they screw up and they grow. As do my characters. Please keep that in mind when reading these chapters. They aren't fluffy bunny Spike and Xander and Oz (and Giles, for that matter) in these chapters. But this is a VERY LONG STORY. There's room for personal growth and forgiveness here. Thanks to all who read and review.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Thirty**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**When Worlds Collide, Part Two**_

Thursday Afternoon

_In the Library_

Shortly after having run Spike out of the library, Mr. Giles brought out a sign and placed it before the double doors, indicating to all that the library was closed for the afternoon. Having thus ensured that no one else was permitted to come into the library, he walked into his office, and closed the door. That had been thirty minutes ago, and he had not appeared since.

Buffy had attended private schools her entire life, from the very prestigious Catholic schools in her hometown, to the little classroom within the maternity home that she had been shunted off to prior to giving birth to Katie. But she had to believe that in spite of her lack of experience with either California or the public school system in general, that her treatment today at the hands of these educators could not be the usual public school experience. Something was wrong, and all the indicators said that it was her. Something was wrong with **Buffy**, and other students were being shielded from her as though she were a virus threatening to infect 'the system'. The 'system', in this case, being Sunnydale High School itself. This was a depressing thought, and one she did not entertain lightly. There were a lot of things she didn't know, a lot of signals that she had missed in her short life. **Obviously**. But she knew when people didn't like her.

She now sat at the table, alone, eating... something... in silence.

_What is this? _she wondered again, as she poked at a glop of mushy green...stuff. She tasted a tiny bit, but nothing registered. It looked like it was supposed to be in the vegetable family, but it was a baffle.

_Skip that. Seriously. Life is telling you something when food looks like that. It's a warning sign, a big neon poster saying, 'poison' or 'ick'... Actually, it has a kind of neon quality to it--  
_  
Suddenly the double doors swung open. Buffy whipped her head around to see who had dared to defy 'the sign'. It was a small girl, about her size actually, with long straight reddish brown hair and a sweet face. She wore a fuzzy pink sweater with yarn flowers placed haphazardly upon it, and a little red skirt. Black tights and loafers completed the look. Buffy wasn't sure exactly what the look was supposed to say, but the girl seemed nice from her demeanor, and she was willing to embrace anyone in this building today that did not ignore her, disdain her, or try to seduce her. This girl looked harmless, at any rate.

Afraid that if Mr Giles realized she had company that he'd come and remove the girl bodily from the room, Buffy signaled to the new girl that she should be very quiet and come sit beside her. 

For her part, the new girl walked quickly and quietly over and took the seat Buffy had indicated. Once the girl had settled down, Buffy took a good look at her new companion and realized with a start that she knew this one. It was Little Red-Haired Girl! From the _Espresso Pump_ earlier that year. First Great Coat Guy, now Little Red-Haired Girl. It was almost like a reunion. Except that they of course didn't know each other, at all, and the others didn't actually know that she even existed, until less than an hour ago. It was ridiculous, of course, but this was the closest she had gotten to actually having kids her own age to talk to and 'hang out' with since she went in the hospital last November. Well, 'hang out', if you consider a few sentences for a few minutes at the most, 'hanging out'.

She'd take that today. That sounded like heaven to her today.

"Hi!" Buffy smiled happily at her new companion. "I'm Buffy Summers. And I am **so** glad to see you!"

"Me?!" Little Red-Haired Girl squeaked, then lowered a few octaves and said, "I mean, hi." She smiled nervously.

"Hi. I'm kinda shut up in here today taking tests so I can start school here for spring semester. And I **so** want to talk to someone who is not...old."

"Oh! **Buffy** I can do that," Willow chattered happily. "I'm your tutor. Willow Rosenberg. Happy to meet you."

Buffy beamed at her new tutor and pushed the tray far away down the table. "So, tutor, what's the plan for today?"

Willow looked around a second, and seeing no one else, asked Buffy where Giles had gotten off to.

"Giles? You mean Mr. Giles, the librarian, right?"

"Well, yeah, but we don't call him 'Mr'. Just Giles."

"He's okay with that?"

"I guess. It's what Spike calls him, and we're all friends for a while now, so we all kinda call him Giles too."

"You know Spike?" Buffy couldn't believe her good fortune. "Tell me about him. What's his deal?"

Willow was taken aback by Buffy's enthusiasm for Spike. She didn't even know she'd met him yet. 

_He works so __**fast**__! How did he get in here already? It's barely __**lunchtime**__.  
_  
"Um, he's a friend of mine for a couple years now, and he's a really great guy overall..." Willow trailed off.

"But? There's a 'but' in there somewhere."

"But, he got his heart stomped on a few months ago and he's in a dark place right now. I shouldn't even be telling you this, but I kinda think I have to warn you."

"Warn me?" Buffy frowned, dreading what was coming next.

"Yeah," Willow looked miserably at her new student. "I feel really disloyal telling you this, but..." She sighed unhappily and took the plunge. "He's kinda playing the **dating** scene right now."

Buffy stared at Willow blankly. 

"**Dating** a lot." Willow tried again.

Nothing.

"He's had a lot of...**girlfriends**... this last six months or so, and I don't mean the kind he'd take home to meet his family."

"Girlfriends?" Buffy hoped she wasn't referring to hookers. Because that was so skeezy. And ick. And heartbreaking.

"What I mean is, he's been kinda getting to know girls, mostly girls who don't know him that well, and then acting all interested in them, then sleeping with them..."

"And then...goodbye, thanks for the ride?" Buffy finished with dismay.

"Pretty much."

Buffy sat back in her chair and tried to fathom the depths of her disappointment in this piece of news. She had been so happy to see him again, and he'd seemed so into her just a short while ago. He was playing her? Really? Just to get in her pants? This day really sucked.

Willow saw Buffy's disappointment and felt bad for having told her about Spike's history but she really didn't want to see her become just another notch on Spikes' belt. As her student and a girl completely new to Sunnydale, Buffy deserved to be informed if she was about to walk off a cliff and into Spike's 'little black book'.

xxxxxx

_The Cafeteria_

When Spike left the library, he headed straight to the cafeteria to have lunch and confer with his friends about the beauty he had just met.

_Good. Willow is no where 'round, prob'ly on her way to talk to the girl even now.  
_  
Oz and Xander were seated at their usual table, debating whether the green stuff on their plates today was animal, vegetable, or mineral. It was a dead heat between vegetable and mineral. Green animal matter was simply too horrible to contemplate.

Spike slid in between them and hunched over conspiratorially, prompting them to move closer to hear whatever information he had obtained during 'Operation New Girl'. In all fairness, it was only Xander who actually called it that. As Spike observed, sometimes you simply cannot deny your inner dork. 

"Well?" Xander prompted impatiently.

"Fuckin' gorgeous," Spike pronounced. "And right fuckable, too."

Xander sighed happily and sat back a little bit. He lived vicariously through Spike's dating life. And Spike's 'gorgeous' standards were high, so he had great hopes for this one's beauty. Not that it would make any difference to **him**, since Spike had called her, and Xander would not move into his territory for anything.

_**Right**__. As though __**that**__ is what prevents me from stealing the girls who swoon over Spike.  
_  
"Willow in there?" Oz wanted to know.

"Dunno, m' uncle tossed me out on my ear before lunch even started," Spike informed Oz, then continued on. "And, **this** one shouldn't take but a minute to get to, she was already into me when I walked in the room there."

"No shit?" Oz raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"No shit," Spike nodded at Oz. "Was like she'd already met me, acted like she knew exactly who I was and what she wanted to do with me." He snagged a chip from Xander's plate.

Xander smacked his hand and pulled his plate away closer to himself in a protective shield. Then he looked at the food again, and moved the plate back where it was.

"And what exactly do you think she wanted to do with you, Spike?" Xander teased.

"Naughty things, my friends. Very naughty things." Spike smirked and stole another chip from Xander.

"Nope." Oz was succinct but certain.

"No?" Spike swung his head in puzzlement toward Oz. "What do you mean?"

"Willow's in there with her now."

"Yeah?"

"Talking with her?" Spike sat back and frowned. Oz continued. "**Warning** her..."

"Shit, you're right. She'd be all protective of her student, wouldn't she?" Spike had to think about this one. He knew Willow didn't approve of his dating behavior, but she had so far stayed out of it. Now, though, she might feel that Buffy somehow **belonged** to her, and become protective of her. This could turn out badly... No, no, he could still do this.

"I'll bet I can still get to her, even if Willow does interfere," Spike mused.

"No way," Xander pronounced with certainty. "Once Willow tells this girl what you're up to, she'll be immune from you. It's like she'd be vaccinated."

"What?" Spike turned to Xander in confusion.

"You know. Like when you don't want someone to get smallpox, you vaccinate them against smallpox so they can't get smallpox any more." Xander nodded wisely.

"You comparing me to smallpox, mate?"

"Well, you have been spreading through the freshmen girls." Oz noted dryly.

Xander and Spike both turned to stare at Oz in amazement.

Oz shrugged and rose from his chair.

The bell rang immediately afterwards.

"How does he do that? It's like when an animal senses earthquakes, you know?" Xander wondered.

Spike shook his head and pointed out sarcastically. "They have these things now. Clocks." He nodded in the direction of the one on the wall over their heads.

As they gathered up their trays and took them to the trash area, Spike leaned over and made Xander a little offer. "Twenty bucks says I can get this one on a date before the spring semester starts." 

Xander thought about it a moment and said, "You're on." Then he added, "And a hundred bucks says you won't get her to sleep with you even if you do get that date."

"Forever?" 

Xander gave that some thought. "Six months. From today."

Spike laughed and shook his head. "You better be ready to pay up. Cuz I'm gonna win that one easy."

Xander smiled, and shook his head. _Not with Willow around you won't.  
_

xxxxxx

_In the Library_

When Giles emerged from his office, he was startled to see that Willow had already arrived and was deep in conversation with Buffy. And if his ears were not deceiving him, his nephew's name was coming up a lot in the process.

He cleared his throat to get the girls attention, then sat opposite them at the table. Time to get their minds off boys and onto school work.

"Willow, I am very glad to see that you're on time. Here are the subjects Buffy must study," he handed her a folder with study guides and interim tests, and a stack of books Buffy had been assigned to read. "As well as the books she will need to use. She needs to pass the mid-term exams for each of these classes, and then once that is done attempt the semester final."

"Okay," Willow nodded cheerfully. "We can do this, no problem." She turned to Buffy, "As long as you spend some quality study time each day, **hours** of study time, we can get you past these tests by mid-January. Okay?" 

Buffy nodded solemnly. "Major studying. Gotcha."

"Buffy," Giles started to chide her. "This is serious. You must study or there is no point in wasting either Willow's or my time with this."

"No! No, I am all with the studying. I'm all over it." Giles frowned at her. "Really."

Giles sighed and rose from the table. "Well then, I think it's time you should be leaving, Buffy. You have your assignments and your books. Did you set up a time to meet with Willow tomorrow and this weekend?"

Buffy looked uncertainly at Willow. "We exchanged phone numbers. But we could set up a time for tomorrow after school if that's okay with you, Willow?"

"Sure. We can get together right after school. And on Saturday!" Willow smiled.

Buffy's face fell. "Um, no. Saturday doesn't work for me. I have plans..."

Giles crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Buffy. "You have nothing more important to do than prepare for these tests in January, **Buffy**. There is no time for playing around."

Buffy's entire demeanor changed as she looked Giles straight in the eye and declared forcefully, "I'm not playing around. And there are some things that **are** more important than anything else. Even more important than studying for your tests, **Giles**." 

He was about to take her to task for being both frivolous and impudent, but something in her eyes stopped him. She seemed deadly serious about this, and somehow he doubted that the 'other plans' had anything to do with hair appointments, parties, or dates with boys. Whatever this was, it was very important to her. He backed down, and nodded grimly that he would concede her point.

Buffy nodded once, then turned to Willow and told her she'd call her tonight and they could decide whose home to study in and what subjects and chapters to begin with.

And with that, Buffy thanked them both and left the library. She'd had enough of Sunnydale High School for one day.

xxxxxx

Outside in an old black DeSoto, Spike sat smoking a cigarette, waiting for 'his girl' to leave the library and head on home. As soon as he saw her leave the campus from the direction of the library, he started his engine and followed her from far enough away that she would not realize she was being tailed.

He watched as she walked about three blocks into an affluent neighborhood and approached a large beautiful house and let herself inside. He noted the street and house number, and drove on off.

It wouldn't be long before she was eating out of his hand.

xxxxxxxx

I think I need to remind everyone that this is a LONG JOURNEY, and to please just roll with it as it comes. Some conversations and behavior may not be fluffy bunny Spike (or Xander, or Oz), but this is what is right now. No flames, please. Thanks.

As usual, please read and review. Pretty please.

Sara


	7. Chapter 31 thru 35

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Thirty-One**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Friendship**_

It was about two-thirty when Buffy let herself back into the quiet house. Standing still in the entry hall for a moment, she tried to determine whether there was any sign of waking life within.

_Ah. Kitchen. Please God let there be Rosemary in a good mood...and real food... Especially real food, of the non-neon-green-glowy kind.  
_  
She headed into the kitchen and stopped short, shocked by the sight that greeted her.

_What the--?  
_  
The young woman rose from where she was kneeling and stood facing Buffy in silence.

For her part, Buffy was too stunned to speak.

The slight young woman tilted her head and frowned. "You now live here." It wasn't a question.

_**God, **__this is a small town!  
_  
"Yeah." Buffy took a few steps forward. "I didn't know you worked for Rosemary and John."

"I did not bring you to this job. Your child would have disturbed. Rosemary would not like being disturbed by crying baby." Illyria was as stiff and formal as ever, although Buffy now understood that it was just her way, and did not actually reflect her feelings for other people. It was just Illyria. Icy, calm, strange Illyria.

"Oh. Well, yeah, I live here now, and I'm going to go back to high school next semester. I guess things have really changed from when I was working with you, huh?" She tried a smile, but Illyria simply stared back at her in silence. "Well, um, I'm just gonna get a snack real quick and then I'll be out of your hair."

Illyria slowly looked Buffy up and down as though she was trying to determine what else may have changed about her former employee, then turned and knelt on the floor and continued dusting the bar stools on the family room side of the kitchen counter. As Buffy passed on her way to the refrigerator, she commanded, "Do not walk on clean floor."

Buffy stopped and looked down at the freshly mopped and waxed kitchen floor and sighed. She could not in good conscience ignore that warning. She'd been on the mopping end of things herself, and knew that she would never take such workers for granted again, no matter where she wound up in life. She sighed and backed up, looking around her to see if anything edible was within reach.

_Ooo! Apples. _She snagged one from a bowl on the counter, and considered where she wanted to go to eat it. She thought she'd like to plop down on the couch and veg for a bit in front of the TV, but couldn't bring herself to do that in front of Illyria. It seemed so spoiled and... wrong... somehow.

"Good to see you again, Illyria." Buffy smiled at the kneeling woman and turned to go upstairs to hide in her room until Illyria left for the day.

"The baby is not here?" Illyria did not stop dusting the stools as she asked this.

Buffy stopped dead in her tracks and turned to stare at her former boss.

"No. No she wasn't allowed to come with me," she softly answered, while staring at the apple in her hands, turning it around and around self-consciously.

"She was a good baby," Illyria still wasn't looking her way. She plunged a sponge into the nearby bucket and continued cleaning, wiping down the seats of the bar stools. "You must miss her."

"Yeah, I do."

"I heard about the police coming for you and cousin, take you away," she stopped suddenly and twisted slightly so that she could face Buffy from her position on the floor. "I felt bad. You are a good girl. And she was a good baby."

Buffy could feel tears spring up, and forced them back. She looked up to see Illyria gazing at her with what seemed to be sympathy. It was something she'd never associate with the strange woman, but she saw it in her eyes, nonetheless.

"Yeah, she is a good baby. I really miss her... so much."

"I clean many houses in this town. Me or my employees. If I see baby at one of them, I will tell you."

Buffy was flabbergasted by this offer. "You'd do that?"

"She was a good baby," Illyria turned back to her bucket and wiped down the last stool seat. "You were a good mother. You should not be separate. That is not right."

While Buffy stood stunned in the doorway, contemplating the words spoken by the cool and unemotional woman, Illyria picked up the bucket and dusting cloth and walked out into the hallway leading to the laundry room, never looking back.

"Thank you." Buffy called quietly into the now empty room.

She turned and continued up to her room to eat and to start studying for tomorrow's tutoring session. But she couldn't get the thought of Illyria's kind offer out of her mind. She was also still feeling very guilty that her boss was cleaning the house she now lived in. The entire situation was unnerving. Unnatural.

She decided that she'd have to clean her bathroom or something, to cash in some of the guilt coupons that seeing Illyria on her knees cleaning her foster home's kitchen had laid upon her. And she decided that if she was able to get some small Christmas presents for anyone this year - assuming someone gave her some money to try - then Illyria was going right on that gift list. 

"She is a good baby," Buffy whispered to herself as she entered her bedroom. She let her tears fall freely as she plopped down, face up, upon the bed, her hunger forgotten.

_She's an __**amazing**__ baby.  
_

xxxxxxx

Rosemary stopped in the hallway leading to the living room upon hearing her new foster daughter talking with her cleaning lady.

xx _"She was a good baby. You must miss her."_

xx "Yeah, I do."

xx "I heard about the police coming for you and cousin, take you away. I felt bad. You are a good girl. And she was a good baby."

xx "Yeah, she is a good baby. I really miss her... so much."

xx "I clean many houses in this town. Me or my employees. If I see baby at one of them, I will tell you."

xx "You'd do that?"

xx "She was a good baby. You were a good mother. You should not be separate. That is not right."

Rosemary backed away, heading back upstairs to the master bedroom so that her eavesdropping would not be discovered.

_Illyria knows Buffy? And what on earth was the girl doing before she came here, that the police were involved? And who is this cousin who was arrested?  
_  
The only information she had been given was that Buffy had a baby but could no longer care for her, and she was placed into foster care. Rosemary had assumed that Buffy's family had the baby, or that Buffy had given the child up voluntarily. But the conversation she overheard made it sound like Buffy had no choice in whether to keep her child and did not know where she currently was. And that the police were involved somehow. The last thing Rosemary needed right now was more drama, and it looked like this new girl was a walking magnet for it. This was no little child she had opened her home to, but a teenager who may have serious problems, may even have dangerous friends or relatives showing up on their doorstep. Who knew what might happen? She would have to keep more of an eye on her from now on.

_Who on __**earth**__ have we taken into our home?  
_

xxxxxxx

Willow called around five to set up their first tutoring session for the next day at Buffy's house, agreeing to come around at three-thirty. Buffy took a chance and decided to invite Willow to stay for dinner as well. Rosemary had been feeling better the last couple of days, and with any luck at all she'd be fine for dinner Friday.

**knock knock  
**  
"Come--"

The door opened and Rosemary strode into Buffy's room and sat down in the wing chair near her bed. She crossed her legs, smoothed out her dress, and folded her hands in her lap. She said not a word. 

_--in.  
_  
Buffy swallowed a sigh. Her foster mother really had no boundaries, but Buffy was in no position to object. She'd just have to learn to live with it and keep smiling.

_See? A smile. Just a little smile... not so hard...  
_  
Rosemary glanced around the bedroom, her eyes finally landing on Buffy. She considered the girl sitting on her bed, turning the stuffed pig around and around in her hands. With some difficulty she tore her eyes away from the turning pig, and delivered her news.

"Tomorrow, I think we should go shopping," she met Buffy's startled eyes. "Some new school clothes, some school supplies, maybe some foods you'd like to have here now..."

Buffy didn't know how to react to Rosemary's offer. She was so quiet, so serious, so calm. This wasn't the Rosemary Buffy had come to know so far this week. But hey, new clothes and stuff. That was all good.

"Um. Thanks. I really appreciate that," she began, then added, "I set up a tutoring session for three-thirty. She's coming here -- the tutor -- at three-thirty. Would we be back in time?"

"Sure." 

Buffy was a little spooked by this too-calm version of her foster mother. Something indefinable was bubbling underneath the surface of Rosemary's calm. It was subtle, but unnerving. Buffy suddenly wanted to get Rosemary out of her bedroom as fast as possible. Now if she could just think of a tactful way to accomplish that.

"Good then," Rosemary pronounced seriously and rose from the chair. "We'll leave here at ten am. Think about what you want to buy."

The door clicked behind her as she left, and Buffy fell backwards onto her bed and stared at the ceiling. 'Body-snatcher' movies came unbidden to her mind, and she banished the thoughts forcefully.

_Keep thinking like that and you'll never sleep again, Buffy.  
_

xxxxxxxx

The calm continued throughout the next morning, and on into the afternoon. Buffy did buy three new blouses, two pairs of pants, two skirts, a dress, and a new pair of shoes, along with some study supplies. There was an uncomfortably silent lunch at the food court in the mall, then on to the grocery store, and back home again. Strained didn't begin to cover the discomfort level.

Buffy hoped John would make it home for dinner that night. She didn't want Willow to walk into the weird that was her day right now. John seemed to be able to smooth things out and create warmth and good cheer in spite of Rosemary's moodiness. At least, so far he had. She'd known them less than a week and was still trying to get a handle on the 'whys' and 'wherefores' of her foster parents.

Speaking of which, she was very worried about Katie's foster home by this point. If this was her experience in foster care, what was happening to her little girl right this very minute? Was she happy? Were they treating her well? Was she some place with a lot of other kids, perhaps screwed up kids who didn't know how to treat a baby? Did she miss her mommy?

Was she **alright**?

She didn't like the idea that Katie might be placed with a family that wanted to adopt her out from under her real mother, but at the same time she hoped that a family like that would at least be good to her little girl during this time that Buffy wasn't permitted to care for her. She prayed that was the case.

So much right now was completely out of her control, and she was fighting the despair that threatened to overwhelm her every time she let herself think about the situation she and her daughter were in right now. The only control she had now was to handle all the orders given to her by Judge Holtz as perfectly as possible; to cause no problems; to obey and succeed in everything she did.

All she had to do was be perfect. If she could do that, she could get her daughter back again. _Just be perfect, that's all,_ she told herself. _You lived with mom for fifteen years. Perfect should be second-nature by now.  
_  
For Katie, she could be perfect.

xxxxxxxx

_Late Friday afternoon_

"You **so** did not!" Buffy laughed from her position propped up against the headboard of her bed.

"I did. It was **really** embarrassing, but what could I do? The ride already started and I couldn't get off. And my dad was soooo embarrassed. He just pretended like he didn't know who I was."

Both girls collapsed into helpless giggling for a few moments.

Willow and Buffy had been studying for about two hours when they decided that there had been quite enough book work and not nearly enough girl time. Books closed and put away, they settled down in Buffy's room to get to know each other better.

"So. When did you move to Sunnydale?" Willow settled down beside Buffy on the other side of the headboard and looked inquiringly at her new student/friend.

Buffy stilled and considered the girl beside her. It would be wonderful to have a real friend her own age, and she really liked Willow a lot so far. She was funny and sweet and really smart, and most important of all, she seemed to actually like Buffy, too. So far, anyway.

What should she tell this potential new friend? How much of herself could she reveal and how much would just put her off and derail the friendship before it even had a chance to start? And if she told Willow some things, could she trust her to keep those things to herself and not broadcast it on the high school rumor circuit?

She decided she really didn't know Willow well enough to answer most of those questions, so she would give her the cleaned up version of events. Later, when she knew her better, she could fill in some of the important blanks.

"I've been in Sunnydale for a year now, actually. But I lived on the other side of town with my cousin." she started carefully. "But then she had to move again and since I couldn't go with her this time, I wound up having to go into foster care this week. And so -- here I am." She smiled and waited for Willow's response to her opening explanation.

For her part, Willow was having some trouble with both the vague references to a 'cousin' who left her without a home, and the fact that she knew Buffy hadn't been to school in over a year. Buffy's explanation raised more questions than it answered. But how did she get better answers without offending her new companion? 

"Wow. That's...wow." Brilliant, Willow thought. Try again. "So you just moved here to this house this week? That's really really quick."

"Yeah, pretty quick. I guess I was just lucky that this home was open at just the right time." Buffy smiled and willed her new friend to believe and let it go. 

"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. Timing's everything, right?" Willow had some doubts but decided to believe Buffy's explanation and let it be. At least for now.

"Right." Buffy nodded with a smile. _Thank God. She seems to be buying this.  
_  
Willow decided to push a little bit and see if she could get more information on the subject of school, which she couldn't help but notice that Buffy had skipped over just now.

"Your cousin wasn't big on school, I guess. I can't imagine missing a year of school like that." Willow thought that perhaps she was being a little too strong on the subject, so to soften her question a bit, she quickly added, "But I'm just a school geek, anyway. I really love school so it wouldn't occur to me to not go. But I'm sure you had good reasons."

"Right." Buffy's smile faltered a bit, and she thought fast. "When I went to live with my cousin I just didn't get around to enrolling in school again right away, and I guess time just slipped away from me and before I knew it I'd lost a semester. I guess I didn't think I could go back after that. I started studying for a GED but when I wound up here with Rosemary and John, the case worker decided I needed to go back to actual high school." Buffy hoped this was convincing. She knew _she_ wouldn't really be satisfied with the explanation she just gave. "So...here we are. Studying for exams so I can start middle of junior year." She shrugged. "I hope."

Willow nodded. "Well, we'll get you caught up and passing those tests in no time. I'm sure you can do it."

Buffy gave an exaggeratedly relieved sigh, and smiled widely at Willow. "Thanks Willow. I couldn't do it without your help, though. It means a lot to me that you're willing to tutor me like this, and you don't even know me yet or anything."

"No problem. I've been hanging with mostly boys for a while now. It's nice to have someone on the 'X' side of things to talk to for a change."

Buffy laughed. "I've been surrounded by 'X's my whole life. I am **so** needing some 'Y' exposure right about now." She added in all seriousness. "But I'm really glad I met you and that you agreed to be my tutor and everything. I hope we can become friends, too." 

"Me too. I mean, I'm glad we got to meet, and hope we can be friends, too." Willow smiled.

"Girls!!" came a strong male shout from down the hall. "Come down for dinner now!"

"Come on," Buffy jumped from the bed. "I want to introduce you to John and Rosemary. I think you'll really like John, he's funny and nice."

"And Rosemary?" Willow got to her feet and stretched the kinks out from sitting so long.

Buffy frowned slightly. "Not sure yet. She has some medical problems after a big car accident earlier this year, and she seems like she's either in a **great** mood or a **bad **mood. I just roll with however she is at any moment. What else can I do? I haven't known them long enough to really know how they are all the time."

She noticed Willow's concerned look, so she quickly added, "But I'm sure it's all good. They're a nice couple, and I just have to get to know them better is all. You know?"

"You're right. It's only been a few days. Can't really know anything for sure in just a few days." Willow offered her support.

"Exactly." Buffy smiled again. 

In high spirits, the girls spilled happily down the stairs, to dinner.

xxxxxxxx

The evening meal seemed to be a success, in Buffy's estimation. John had brought home Chinese takeout to spare Rosemary cooking this evening, and in honor of their guest he made certain there were kosher entrees included in the order.

At the head of the table, John had been his usual entertaining self, enchanting Willow and causing Buffy to relax and really enjoy herself this evening. He told jokes, asked polite yet sometimes funny questions about Willow's schooling, family, and interests, and generally kept the conversation light and interesting for everyone. It was a happy family meal.

Except for Rosemary, who sat opposite him at the kitchen table, silently eating and giving polite strained smiles at appropriate places, when required to do so for appearance's sake. Buffy had been trying to ignore her misgivings about Rosemary's sudden change in attitude since she'd arrived on Monday, but the more time she spent with the woman the more wigged she was by her. Even John seemed to notice Rosemary's quiet unease at the table this evening, and had tried to draw her out into the conversation. She was not cooperative, however.

As the meal wound down, Buffy cheerfully offered to clear the table and do the dishes. Willow piped up and volunteered to assist. John was beginning his demur, when Rosemary spoke up suddenly and thanked the girls for their thoughtfulness, then rose and went up to her bedroom without another word.

The atmosphere cooled quickly from cheerful to quietly uncomfortable, and although neither girl asked, John explained that Rosemary's headaches were giving her grief this week. When a door slam could be heard from the second floor, John asked the girls to please excuse him while he made sure his wife was okay. Buffy thought he seemed more embarrassed than anything else by Rosemary's strange behavior.

"I hope it's nothing I said or did." Willow's brow wrinkled in consternation as she removed the plates and brought them to the sink.

"No, it's not you," Buffy reassured her friend. "She's been moody all week. Ever since that headache that started on Tuesday." She rinsed the plates and put them in the dishwasher while Willow wiped the table down. "I haven't been here long enough to tell what's not-feeling-well-Rosemary and what's I-think-I-hate-you-I-wish-death-upon-you-and-all-your-kind-Rosemary. Right now, I guess I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, and going with 'not feeling well'."

Willow nodded but remained concerned. "She wouldn't, like, hurt you, or anything. Would she?"

"God, no." Buffy scoffed. "I don't think so." She added more thoughtfully. "No! That's just the paranoia talkin'. Means nothing."

"Well, you know what Hunter Thompson said." Willow gave Buffy a serious look.

"Um...no. Who is he and what did he say?"

"Big time writer. Dead now." Willow nodded. "He said, 'There's no such thing as paranoia. It's all true."

"Huh." Buffy gave that some thought. "But then he's dead, right?"

Willow nodded.

"So maybe that was right **for him**. It was true for him. Not necessarily true for me..."

_Although it would explain my life so far.  
_  
"Maybe. Yeah, you're right. Dead writer. Probably not a good idea to follow him too closely down that path there."

"Right." Buffy nodded emphatically, then turned the dishwasher on and leaned against the counter.

Willow saw that it was already almost eight o'clock and that she'd need to be leaving for home soon. 

"Hey! Do you want to go to the Bronze with me and some of my friends tomorrow night?"

"Bronze? What's that?"

"The coolest club in town. Well, the only club in town, really. But they let in teenagers - won't serve us alcohol though - and on Fridays and Saturdays they have a live band, usually a good live band. My boyfriend's band is playing tomorrow night and I was planning to go see him." Willow was all excited and trying to will Buffy to say yes. "You could meet my friends, get to know some people before school starts, you know? It'd be so great, and I'm sure they'd like you."

"Well..." She thought of Spike. He was one of Willow's friends. He might be there too. "Yeah, that sounds like fun," Buffy grinned. "But... I also don't drive. Will anyone be driving us?" 

"It's not too far to walk to, really. And one of the guys can drive us home after."

"Really? Okay, cool. I'm in."

Buffy thought a night out with a friend (or friends) was just what she needed right about now. Just some innocent, adolescent fun time -- no adults, no monitors, no probation officers, no social workers, and no foster parents - nothing but herself and her desire to be sixteen for once in her life. She really wanted to try out being sixteen once or twice, preferably before she turned seventeen. She only had one month left to do that.

"Come upstairs and we can go through my closet. Help me pick out something good to wear for tomorrow night?"

Willow followed her new friend happily up the stairs and into her bedroom.

Willow thought that it was wonderful to have someone finally to do girly things with. Boys just never really knew if a blouse really went well with a pair of pants or a skirt, or whether the new dress said 'sexy' or 'can't dress herself'. They were all, **ooooh! big boobs! tight sweater! oooh** And they were no help at all when talking about other boys and crushes and how to get the right boy to invite you to the right party or dance. That was girlfriend territory, and Willow'd never really had one of those.

Until now.

She was so happy that Buffy had come into her life at this point. She'd have to watch Spike, though. She really liked Buffy, and didn't want Spike's inability to keep it in his pants to ruin her budding friendship with the girl.

_Boys are so dumb, _she frowned thoughtfully. She looked over at Buffy, who was happily pulling a leather skirt out of her closet and holding it up for Willow's opinion. She gave her an approving nod.

_I'm not letting Spike mess up this new friendship for me.  
_

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Author's Note: First off, in the last chapter I quoted Hunter Thompson, and Willow described him as a 'dead writer'. He would have been quite surprised by Willow's statement, since he didn't actually commit suicide_ for another two months_, in February 2005. Sorry about that. And, quite frankly, the writing was on the wall long before February 2005, so we'll just pretend it had already happened as Willow mentioned in my chapter and move on, okay:-) And in case anyone is wondering, Hanukkah was Dec 7 -14 in 2004, so it will not bump into Christmas in this story. So no going there with Willow and all for this year at least. In case anyone wondered. The chapter title is from 'Friday Night' by Darkness.

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**Chapter Thirty-Two**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Dancing on a Friday Night With You**_

_Friday Evening - After Dinner_

With a quiet 'click', the door closed as John entered the dimly lit master bedroom. Rosemary lay upon the still-made bed, facing away from the door. From her position on the bed, curled up and clutching a pillow, she gave no indication that she noticed his entrance into their bedroom. John stood with his hands in his pockets, staring at the back of his silent wife.

"Rosemary?"

No response.

"Ro?" He took a step forward. "Come on Rosemary, talk to me."

Still nothing. He continued forward and sat on the edge of the bed, placing a hand lightly upon her shoulder.

"I want to know what happened down there," He asked gently, quietly.

"Nothing happened," came the whispered reply.

"Something happened. Something is wrong."

She turned over and frowned at her husband, who scooched back a bit to give her room to face him. He took her hand in his, and bent his head down slightly, expecting to hear whatever was bothering her so much that she needed to leave the table in such dramatic fashion. She turned her gaze to where their hands were joined.

"Who _is_ that girl?" she began in anguish.

"You mean Willow?"

"No, **Buffy**. What do we **know** about her? She could be anybody. She could be dangerous, or have some dangerous boyfriend hanging around, waiting 'til it's safe to come get her." She was speaking more quickly now that she'd warmed to her subject. "She knows Illyria. I heard them talking yesterday. Illyria said that Buffy had been **arrested** with her cousin and the police took her baby away. What do we really know anyway?" Her words had become rushed, panicked. "She's some **criminal **who has done God knows **what** and she's living right in our home, right down the **hall**!" Tears were spilling down her face now, and she was clutching John's hand tightly, willing him to understand the danger they were in from this girl sitting at their table downstairs.

John just frowned quietly and listened to Rosemary's fears tumble out, gaining momentum as tears began to fall down her face. He watched as her worries became irrational allegations and fears, and her anger became anguish and pain. She seemed no longer able to distinguish reality from her own fearful imaginings. He was stunned by the depth of her fear, and it's lack of a basis in reality.

"Rosemary, please. Calm down, sweetheart, calm down." He held onto her until her tears slowed and she was quieter and more capable of hearing his words.

"Rosemary," he started calmly. "Tanya told us what happened to Buffy. We know these things."

Rosemary shook her head 'no', but John continued on, making his explanation, trying to allay her fears.

"Yes. She told us that Buffy was living with her cousin who had been arrested, and when the police came to search the apartment they found Buffy and her baby living there, too. And that Buffy hadn't done anything wrong herself, but only that she'd run away from home to have her baby and that her cousin was supporting her for about a year --"

"No. No." Rosemary shook her head. "Tanya didn't say that --"

"Yes, Rosemary. I was there when Tanya came by to talk to us last Sunday. She sat in our living room and told both of us who Buffy was and why the judge might make her go into foster care when she had her hearing on Monday. Tanya needed to know if we could take in a teenage girl, since we couldn't take the little children any longer. Remember?"

Rosemary scrunched her forehead in an effort to remember the things John was saying. Then she shook her head and continued her argument.

"If she was **innocent** they wouldn't take her baby away, John." Rosemary asserted.

"There were some things wrong, Ro, but she's just a kid herself. She made some mistakes because she's so young and naive. But the big things, the real criminal charges -- she didn't know about those things. That was her cousin," He touched the back of his hand to her cheek, wiping away the tears that were left. "She's not a bad kid, Rosemary. She just needs a break now. She's going to go to high school, and get some counseling and take some parenting classes. Isn't that what Tanya told you on Monday, when she brought Buffy to you?"

Rosemary frowned and stared off to the side for a moment, as though she were trying to remember the things John was saying.

"She's not a criminal?"

"No."

"**Really**?"She looked back at John worriedly, biting her bottom lip.

"Really. She's a good kid who needs a home for a while. That's all. No boyfriends lurking, no criminal relatives or friends to worry about. Just a young girl with no one in the world to take proper care of her."

"Oh." Rosemary closed her eyes a moment then looked up at John again. "So we'll do that. We'll take care of her."

"Yes. We will."

"She's not six." Rosemary shook her head in all seriousness.

John chuckled. "No, she's not."

"I don't know how to take care of teenagers. I'm used to little children." Rosemary complained worriedly.

"You'll do fine. Just like we talked about."

"Yeah," she nodded. "Okay. We'll do fine." She had wound down to a point where she was speaking very slowly and deliberately now. "Okay."

When John saw that she was remaining calm, he stood and got her pills and a glass of water from the master bathroom. He handed them to Rosemary and held her up while she took them, then carefully helped her to lay back down upon the bed, laying down beside her.

"You just rest now, okay Ro?" Her eyes closed slowly and he held her while she drifted into sleep. "Just rest."

xxxxxxxx

Once Rosemary had drifted into slumber, John removed her clothes and shoes, and got her tucked into bed for the night. She was sound asleep and he knew she would remain that way until morning.

Hearing the TV on downstairs, he made his way into the family room to find Buffy. Since she hadn't noticed him yet, he stood in the doorway gazing at her as she sat cross-legged on the sofa, watching a romantic comedy on the TV. He recognized the beginning of a movie from their own DVD collection.

She really was a beautiful girl -- long golden hair spilling down over her shoulders, funny little crooked nose, laughing green eyes, and the lithe yet curvaceous body of a young woman. She was strength and health and vitality and more than anything else **life. **Life itself, in all its youthful splendor, sat in his family room laughing at a movie and drinking a diet coke.

The contrast between this laughing girl and the woman he left upstairs was stark and bitter. Rosemary had also been such a lovely young girl, once upon a time. Before. Before his long hours working away from home left her lonely and aimless. Before the accident last summer that left her body intact but her brain slightly injured. Not drooling in a cup injured, but enough that she now had these headaches and was prone to sudden delusions cropping up out of nowhere, seemingly at random. She had once been the laughing flirtatious girl that he had fallen in love with so long ago. She had been. And her illness was breaking his heart and wearing him down. 

But here was another laughing girl, his foster daughter, and for a few minutes he remembered their first meeting at the beach last summer. Their flirtation. Their laughter. Laughing together. He wanted that again, so much. So much.

But she was sixteen years old. And his foster daughter. And he was married to a woman he really did love very much, even more now she was so ill and needed him so greatly. And it would be the worst betrayal -- to both of his laughing girls -- to act upon his fleeting impulses and baser attractions where this one was concerned. But oh, how he wished...

_Pull yourself together, man. You are not that guy. You are not that disgusting lowlife guy who hits on his foster daughter while his wife is ill and helpless. You are not that guy. You agreed to foster a teenage girl because it would be good for Rosemary to not be alone so much, and she'd be old enough not to burn the house down if Ro had one of her spells...  
_  
John sternly lectured himself as he continued into the room to sit next to Buffy. He would spend a couple of hours watching a light romantic comedy sitting next to a beautiful girl, and pretend for a while that everything was right in his world again.

There was nothing wrong with pretending, for just a little while.

xxxxxxxxxx

Buffy watched John walk over and sit down on the sofa next to her. She paused the movie and turned to face her foster father, casting worried eyes upon him.

"Is Rosemary okay?"

"Yeah, she just had a long day is all," he tried to be reassuring, but when he saw that Buffy was frowning at him he realized that his brief explanation wasn't going to fly anymore. He needed to be frank with her, since she was going to be living here and alone with his wife much of the time.

"Actually, there is something wrong. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier in the week, but I didn't think it would be a problem so quickly."

Buffy's eyes widened as he told her about Rosemary's accident and her brain injury, her headaches, her mood swings, and that she was just having a particularly bad week right now.

Buffy was startled to hear that her problem was so severe, but was also relieved that she could at last put a reason to the unreasonable behavior she'd been noticing all week. She was relieved that at least it was nothing she had done wrong here.

They talked for awhile about Rosemary, and whether Buffy thought she could be happy living in their home under the circumstances. Buffy assured John that she really liked it there and didn't want to leave, in spite of Rosemary's problem. She'd make it work, and now that she knew what was going on it would be easier to deal with. John was relieved by her answer, and glad that Buffy would be staying.

Her unspoken thoughts were that she was absolutely determined to make her foster placement work. She had no way of knowing whether another foster home wouldn't be much worse. She'd heard stories of very bad homes out there, and the one she was in was heaven in comparison. She also did not want to do anything that might cause Judge Holtz to think her uncooperative or bad and therefore delay getting her baby back as soon as possible. She was very determined to make this work no matter what.

Then the subject turned to Willow. Buffy thought this would be a good time to ask about going out the following evening with Willow and her friends.

"Willow asked me if I could go out with her and her friends tomorrow evening. To the Bronze." Buffy put on her best hopeful face and willed John to agree.

"The Bronze? That club near the warehouse district?" He seemed doubtful.

"I guess. I've never been there. But Willow says she and her friends go dancing there all the time, and they let in teenagers and don't serve alcohol. To teenagers. No alcohol to teenagers. And there'd be friends meeting us there, too. So it wouldn't be just Willow and me, it would be a group of friends together."

Buffy bit her bottom lip waiting for his response to her description of the club, and John was reminded again of the woman upstairs in his bedroom. Then he shook himself out of it and focused again on the matter at hand.

"When?"

"She said we'd go about eight o'clock, and be home by midnight." Buffy tensed up and tried to make him agree through sheer force of her thoughts.

"Who is driving you?" John wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do, and tried to remember the kinds of questions Rosemary's parents used to pepper them with when they were young and dating.

"Um, she said it's not that far, that we could walk there."

"No." John shook his head and declared forcefully. "Not with that serial killer wandering about the coast. Definitely not while he's loose."

Buffy deflated miserably, her hopes for a fun-filled teenage evening crashing down.

"But..."

"But?" She perked up. _Yes, let there be a 'but'!_

"But, I am willing to drive you two there and pick you up afterwards if you're really sure you want to go."

"Yes! Thank you!" She lunged forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "Yes!"

John stiffened in shock, then put his arms around Buffy and hugged her loosely back, letting his arms fall to his sides rather quickly. He barely dared to breathe while the girl of his longing was in his arms, all innocence and naiveté. He had no illusions that she thought anything more of her actions, but only thought that she was hugging her foster father, a father figure to her, and by that definition not a man at all. He reminded himself ruthlessly that father equals 'eunuch' in the mind of a young girl. But if she didn't loosen her grip he was going to react to her touch in the worst way possible whether he wanted to or not, and he needed to make this stop NOW.

Just as John was about to disentangle himself, Buffy released him and sat back on the sofa, a little further away than before. She was grinning from ear to ear and had obviously not suspected anything amiss. John let himself relax and then he smiled at her and moved a little further back himself. 

"Sorry. I'm kind of a hugger. Faith hated it, but sometimes I get carried away when I'm happy." She looked sheepishly at him from beneath long dark lashes, and he was both entranced by her beauty and reminded once again of her innocence. This girl was trouble with a capital T. He'd have to keep remembering that. He decided to change the subject.

"Tanya's picking you up at eight-thirty tomorrow morning I've been told."

"Yeah," Buffy suddenly was all business, like a switch had turned in her head. "We're going out to breakfast to talk, and then she's taking me to the social services office in Carlton to see my daughter. It's our first supervised visit." Plain. Simple. Just the facts, no emotions involved. John was struck by the sudden change.

"I'm sure it'll be wonderful to be able to see and hold your baby again," he remarked carefully.

Buffy nodded, and then turned away to watch the frozen TV screen. "I'm watching this movie I found in your bookcase. I hope it's okay." She turned grave eyes upon him, the earlier lighter mood completely erased now.

"Sure," he agreed quietly. "Actually, it's one of my favorites. But shhhh...don't tell anyone. They'll take away my man card if anyone finds out." He thought some humor might bring the mood back, and he was right. Buffy brightened at his joke, and they were back to friendly again.

The two sat together companionably for the next two hours, laughing at the movie and sharing microwave popcorn and sodas like two friends might on a slow Friday night. The distraction was quite welcome to both of them, and for a while the world narrowed down to that family room, and neither let any dark thoughts interfere with their fun. 

xxxxxxx

Bronzing will happen soon. But there's stuff to get through before Saturday night. Hope you liked this little chapter. Pleave a review if you can. I really appreciate every one.

Sara

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**Chapter Thirty-Three**  
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_**Visiting, Part One**_

_Saturday Morning_

_Shoes ... shoes ... Ah! ... okay, last check in mirror ... Damn! That stupid curl keeps popping up and ruining the whole thing! ... There! Stay! ... Good ... Good ... Watch ... rings... necklace ... keys ...  
_  
**knock knock**

After giving herself one last glance in the mirror, Buffy ran to open her bedroom door. John stood there shyly, his hands in his pockets and his head slightly bowed as he looked at her. Buffy thought that was her favorite look on him -- kinda little boy bashful, all nervous about coming to her room.

_Aw.  
_  
"Good morning!" She thought she'd start off chipper, try to put him at ease a little bit.

"'Mornin'."

He stood there awkwardly, gazing at the results of Buffy's 'visitation' look that she'd been working on for the last hour or so. She wore comfortable blue jeans, a black turtleneck sweater, comfortable black leather loafers, a silver cross on a chain, and a silver ring or two on each hand. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a long ponytail, with wisps of hair framing her face. No makeup but some soft eye shadow and a natural lip gloss this morning. She looked both stunning and absolutely natural and wholesome. He thought she looked like she should be in a milk commercial. A teenage dream girl. 

_Damn. _John chastised himself. He had to stop thinking like that.

He shuffled slightly, and Buffy remembered her manners and invited him in. That felt strange, it actually being his house and all, but then it was the bedroom of a teenage girl, so she guessed he was all nervous on that account. Again, she thought he was very cute today.

He almost sat on her bed, then realized what it was and straightened up like he'd been burned, and moved to the center of the room instead.

"You look great today, Buffy," he started. "You ready for your first visitation?"

"Thanks. And I'm _so_ nervous actually. I haven't seen Katie for a week, but it feels like months so much has happened. I hope she's okay. She'll be okay, won't she? I'm so worried. What if she's not okay, but I have to give her back, you know? How do I do that? She belongs with me..." Buffy stopped when she realized she was about to cry, and she did not want to go there right now.

John was a little overwhelmed by this rapid-fire sharing of her fears, and he had no idea what to say to the poor girl. Last night she shut down completely when he mentioned the visitation, but this morning she was starting to break down. He was completely unprepared for this development and had no idea what to do with a nervous teenage girl.

"Um...I'm sure Tanya will be able to help you through this today. Your fears are probably the same as other young mothers in your situation, and she probably knows exactly how you should handle the visitation and can put your concerns to rest."

_That was the best advice I can come up with? Tell someone else who has a clue? _He gave himself a mental kick. He was such an idiot.

"Thanks. You're right. I just need to stay positive and tell Tanya what I'm feeling. I didn't mean to dump on you first thing." Buffy backpedaled quickly once she realized that John looked like he was in the deep end of the pool with only water wings to keep him afloat. She didn't want the poor man to drown in her problems at eight o'clock on a Saturday morning. He was so supportive and kind to her, she shouldn't take advantage and freak him out with the depth of her fears and needs. She needed to work these things out on her own. He provided a home, not therapy. 

"Well, anyway," John decided to get to the point and change the subject. "It's Christmas next Saturday, and I know we haven't really worked out your allowance situation yet, with Rosemary having had such a bad week we really haven't had a chance to discuss it yet. But for now, let's just say for December, we're going to give you $150 to get any gifts you wish to buy and another $50.00 for any incidentals you might need."

Buffy was shocked. That was a lot of money, and she was sure foster care didn't pay that well. On the other hand, they clearly had money of their own and John was offering her something she could really use. It wasn't her fault that her carefully saved money got confiscated last week, or that her presents for Katie were destroyed in the overzealous search of her apartment. She decided that as a one-time 'gift' she couldn't afford not to take his offer of the Christmas money.

"That's so kind of you, and I know you don't have to give me that much money." John started to protest but Buffy held up a hand and stopped him. "No, really. I'm going to accept it, since you've been so kind to offer. I saved my own money for presents and stuff, and even had some Christmas presents for Katie already wrapped and under the tree, but the police tore the presents apart looking for drugs, and confiscated my savings as 'drug proceeds' so I have nothing right now. If it were just me I wouldn't mind so much, but I really want to give Katie some presents, and you and Rosemary and Tanya and Willow -- and I don't have any way to do it. So, thank you. I really mean it, you've been so wonderful to me this week and I'll never forget it."

Buffy walked over and hugged him carefully -- she didn't want to overwhelm him any more than he already seemed to be -- and then stepped back and took the money he held out for her. 

"Thank you."

"That's quite alright. We have so much, this is really not a problem at all for us, Buffy. We want you to be happy here and we want you to have the things you need. I'm glad I could help you this way. Really." He nodded and smiled, and backed toward the door to make his exit.

Buffy smiled at his sly exit strategy. He _was_ very cute, all uncomfortable and all.

She said thanks again and shut her door. Counting the money out to see if it was as he said, she happily put it in her front pocket and checked the mirror one more time to make sure she was perfect for today's big visit. She wanted everything today to be perfect.

xxxxxxxx

The Social Services Satellite Office and Visitation Center was located in Carlton, about thirty minutes up the coast from Sunnydale. That Saturday morning Tanya and Buffy settled into a booth at a restaurant located at about the half-way mark between the two towns and prepared to eat breakfast and discuss Buffy's case plan.

On the drive to the restaurant, Buffy had answered all of Tanya's questions about how she was settling into her own foster placement with enthusiastically positive declarations that Tanya decided needed a careful watch. No one was that happy the first week in foster care, and immediately after being forcefully separated from their child. She felt that Buffy was clearly living in denial and not really dealing with her situation head on, but she'd let her do that for a little while, and see if she didn't come out of it in her own time. The girl had been through a lot this past week, and if her psyche needed some time-out, she'd let her be for now. They also discussed how the visitation would go today, and she answered all Buffy's questions on that score.

"Okay, now. First thing we need to do is get your reunification plan signed and out of the way here." Tanya poured herself some coffee and started up with the little creamers and sugars while Buffy watched silently from her side of the table. "What the law says, is that you have to be separated from Katie for a time, the 120 days Judge Holtz gave us, and during that time we will pursue what is called a 'reunification plan'. Reunification means that we are going to try to get you and Katie back together again, or 'reunified'. With me so far?"

Buffy nodded and stared at her own coffee, stirring it needlessly to give her hands something to do.

"Right then. Well here's the terms of your plan, all written out on this form here for you to sign once I've explained them to you. This is the plan Judge Holtz ordered for you as part of your probation, and is also the plan for getting Katie back from a separate foster care placement. The details the judge left up to social services and probation department determination. Then in 120 days we all go back to court to tell Judge Holtz how you've done with the plan and he decides what happens next. It could be getting Katie back to you or another 120 days of separate foster care. So cooperating with your plan is very important, Buffy. You won't get that baby back if you slip in your plan." She paused to see how Buffy was handling this so far, but Buffy never said a word, just watched her and waited for her to continue.

_Damn, the girl is quiet all of a sudden.  
_  
"Now, usually the probation department handles kids who are on probation, but because of the way this county is organized and due to the fact that you're in foster care for reasons not entirely of your making - and there's also Katie's dependency status as well - I've been assigned to handle your case without involving anyone else from probation. So there's just me you deal with here, okay? Katie has her own worker - you remember Pat - and you have me. So if you have any questions or concerns I'm the person you need to call. Okay?"

Buffy nodded and smiled, but still didn't speak.

"Uh-huh. Okay then. Let's get right into your plan. These are the things you have to do between now and when we go back to court in April. These have to be completed as much as it is possible to do them. The first thing is that you are to obey all orders of the court. That's important. If the Judge said do it, then you'd better do it. You understand this, now?"

"Yes."

"Alright, then. The rest of your plan is numbered here, and I'm going to read them to you and you ask if you have any questions, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good. The plan says:

1. Maintain contact through scheduled visitation. That means you attend every scheduled visitation with Katie. If you miss any, it will count against you when the judge is trying to decide whether you should get her back or not. So you make those visits no matter what.

2. Complete series of Parenting classes. These are the classes, all for parents of children 12 months to 18 months old. There's _Basic Parenting Skills, Discipline, Physical and Psychological Health, and Educational Head Start._ Each class is taught at the center in Carlton that we are going to today. I know it's thirty minutes away but there is a good bus line that goes there and back so even if you don't have a ride it shouldn't be too difficult to get to the classes and you absolutely must attend these classes. Each one is three sessions long. You shouldn't have any problem completing them all by April. We can sign you up for them today, so you'll have the sessions all ready to go when they start in January. All right?"

Buffy nodded again and smiled her assurance that she would do what Tanya was telling her. She hated this. All these classes to teach her things she'd been doing for a year already on her own. She didn't really think they could teach her anything she didn't already know and do. Fred had been a good role model, and she had that book Fred gave her. She thought she and Katie were doing fine without any special classes, and she resented this. But she was ordered to cooperate and cooperate she would.

"Next, is that you must attend high school, with good attendance, and satisfactory grades. Your principal will be preparing a report for the judge to read at the next hearing, so you want to be sure that report is positive and doesn't have any disciplinary actions in it, no excessive absences or tardiness, poor grades, that sort of thing. This is important. It's part of your probation."

"Okay, I understand."

"Next is that you will maintain a cooperative home life with your foster parents. They will be speaking to me when the time comes and I will have to prepare a report on how you are doing in placement, and so you don't want there to be any disciplinary problems at home, no fighting, no defiance, that sort of thing. They may not be your real parents, but as your foster parents you need to show them the respect you would be expected to give your natural parents. Okay?"

"Okay, not a problem."

"Good. The next condition is to attend counseling regarding your assault. I have made an appointment for you with a very good therapist I personally know who works with the DCFS on occasion, and you are to go see her next Tuesday at 1pm. She is in Sunnydale there near you too, so you shouldn't have much trouble getting to that appointment. Her name is Olivia Williams, and I do think you'll like her, Buffy. She does a lot of rape counseling as well as handle teenagers in the system such as yourself, and is a very kind and warm person. But if for some reason you two don't click like I think you will, please let me know and we can always find you a different counselor. It's important that you're comfortable with your therapist, Buffy. So you let me know, okay?"

"Okay." Buffy really hated this part. She felt she had no reason to talk to anybody about this and really resented being forced to open up to complete strangers about something so personal that she was sure she was dealing with just fine on her own. But she had no choice in the matter, so she sucked it up and agreed to cooperate.

"Olivia will be preparing a report for the judge also, but will not divulge any details that you talk about. Now, the other three conditions are add-ons that are automatic when a teenage girl gets pulled into the system as you have been, and I know you may not feel these are necessary but they are required so you're gonna have to just buck up and do it, okay?"

Buffy frowned and decided not to nod until she heard what these three new things were about.

"The first is you will need to attend a one-time class on domestic violence for teenage girls and young women."

Buffy groaned.

"The second is that you must attend a one-time class on Sexuality and Pregnancy Prevention for teenage girls."

Buffy glared across the table at Tanya.

"And the third is that you must attend a six week program on substance abuse."

Buffy sat up straight and let her jaw drop. 

_Well, at least there's some reaction this morning. _Tanya waited for the outburst that she knew was coming.

"Substance abuse?! I have no **substance abuse **problem. Why do I have to do that?!" Buffy was truly shocked and outraged at the injustice of this. 

"Because you're sixteen and the county has decided that they're gonna take this opportunity, while you are a captive audience here, to make sure you get some training on substance abuse and domestic violence and pregnancy prevention. It has nothing to do with you personally, honey, it's just a requirement they threw in there for every teenager in your position. Just cooperate, attend the group sessions, and get through it. And also," Tanya added as an afterthought. "be sure you don't actually indulge in any contraband substances while you're in the program, because they will drug test you each week."

"Drug test me?" Buffy's demeanor had quieted from loud objection to calm outrage. "Drug test **me**?"

"I understand, but there it is. Can't be helped. So just cooperate and be aware, is all I'm saying. I know that has not been a problem with you, but it's part of your probation so you're just gonna have to do it. Try to relax and just go along and get along here, sweetheart. Nothing good can come from fighting your probation plan. You'll just end up in a group home, without Katie. You don't want that to happen do you?"

Buffy was furious but pulled up and slumped back into her seat. No, she didn't want that. She reminded herself that she was doing all this for Katie and that once she had her back and was off probation these people would leave them alone and they could live their lives without interference again. She just had to put up with all this crap for a while, but the end result was Katie came home. She just had to focus on that.

"Okay, I get it. Cooperate." Buffy tried to hide the anger she felt, but wasn't quite successful. Tanya decided to let it go for now. Buffy needed to work through this in her own time, and get used to her new life and it's obligations. No need to push her today. Today was already stressful enough for her.

"I will be visiting you once a month, to see how it's going and you can tell me then if you have questions or problems. If something is urgent call me sooner and let me know, but there shouldn't really be any problems as far as I can tell. At the end of this review period we'll all go back to court, and if Judge Holtz is satisfied by your progress he might let you and Katie be in foster care together. But even if he says it's okay, we would still need to find a place for you together and that might not happen immediately. But we would be working hard to get that set up for you so please keep this in mind. Okay? There's a goal we're trying to reach here, and you should try not to get caught up in the anger over having to follow your plan and keep your eye instead on the goal. Which is getting Katie back with you. If we can reach that goal the rest of this will seem like nothing in comparison. Just try to remember that, okay?"

Buffy stared out the window and tried to take all of these orders in, and to do what Tanya suggested. Keep her eye on the goal and don't stress out over the plan no matter how stupid it seems right now. Just keep your eyes on Katie.

"Yeah. It's for Katie. I can do this for her." Buffy asserted gravely. "But I don't have to like it."

Tanya smiled at the child-like statement Buffy tacked on to her agreement.

_She is just a child herself. Poor baby.  
_  
"No, you don't have to like it. But you do have to be cooperative and try not to make it obvious that you think the whole thing is stupid, or you might wind up with a less than positive report to Judge Holtz and you don't want to have all your work to go for nothing by a negative report to the judge. Okay?"

"I understand. Be positive." Buffy thought for a moment. "I feel like I'm in hell... but it's a **dry** heat." She smiled sarcastically.

Tanya laughed. "Yes, it's a dry heat." She chuckled. "Dry heat ... you're a trip, you know that?"

Buffy pouted. "I believe it's been mentioned once or twice."

The waitress came by and took their order, and they spent the rest of the meal talking about anything else but probation plans and visitation schedules.

In the end, it was a good breakfast.

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Author's Note: I promised myself I wouldn't flinch. So...it's hard. Sorry.

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**Chapter Thirty-Four**  
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_**Visiting, Part Two**_

Once at the social services office, Tanya had Buffy take a seat in the waiting room while she found Pat and the other foster mother to let them know Buffy was here for her visit. After about fifteen minutes, Tanya called Buffy into the visitation room.

"Now Buffy, I'm gonna leave for a while to make some home visits to other clients. I'll be back at two o'clock to pick you up and take you back home." She gave Buffy a close look. "You okay, sweetheart?" 

"Yeah, just nervous."

"It'll be fine. Just remember what we talked about. Katie might be a little standoffish, don't expect her to be happy to see you right away. It's hard for babies her age when they're separated like that, and she'll need some time to get used to you being there today. Don't take it personal. Just stay positive and let her warm up to you naturally. Play with her, feed her when it's time, just be her mom like you always are and you'll both be fine. Okay?"

"Okay."

"If you want to go into the garden you can do that too - it's just off the visitation room door on the other side of the room there. There may be other parents there with their kids too. There's a whole playground there, but she's little so you'll have to stay right with her the whole time you're outside so she doesn't get hurt by some older kids or anything, okay?"

"Yes. I'm ready to go in now." Buffy was tired of instructions. She wanted her baby girl in her arms already.

Tanya nodded and led her over to the door, and watched as she entered and closed the door behind her. The girl was going to be fine, she reminded herself. She'd be just fine. 

xxxxxxx

Tanya watched Buffy from a closed circuit TV in a private room nearby. Neither she nor Pat had ever had the opportunity to watch Buffy and Katie together, so they both were going to watch the two interacting for a little while today, to see how mother and child were with each other. Tanya decided to keep Buffy out of the loop on that plan, as she was already very nervous and she also might act differently if she knew she was being monitored. Once Pat brought Katie into the visitation room to Buffy, she'd be joining Tanya in the TV room for awhile.

Tanya prayed the visit went well. She liked Buffy and wanted the child to succeed in her plan and get her daughter back with her. If it turned out that Buffy showed signs of being a poor caretaker, that would complicate things more than Tanya liked. She really thought, though, that Buffy would be fine. She just had a gut instinct for these things.

_Prove me right, honey. Prove me right.  
_

xxxxxxx

Buffy heard the door click open and turned to see Pat carrying her little girl into the room to see her. Buffy's entire world constricted to the sight of Katie, at long last. Pat said something - hello, Buffy thought it was - and put Katie down to walk, holding her hand. Buffy fell kneeling to the floor and held her arms out for Katie to walk into but the baby just stood there looking around her aimlessly. 

Buffy felt she might burst into tears. Katie wasn't even looking at her, she was looking everywhere _but_ at her. Tanya warned her that might happen, but it was a shock just the same. Their parting had been very traumatic, what with the police literally pulling Katie out of Buffy 's arms by force when the girl refused to let her go. That had been hard on Katie too, Buffy now realized, and that was the last time she'd seen her. What a horrible way to lose your mother, Buffy thought.

_My poor baby. What have we done to you?  
_  
Tears were pooling behind her eyes and she forced herself not to give in to them. She had to be positive, for Katie. Getting upset and crying would just make it harder for her baby, and she needed to make this easier for her.

"Katie, sweetie? It's mommy. You wanna see your mommy? Come here sweetie." Buffy pleaded.

Pat smiled sympathetically and knelt down next to Katie. "Katie honey, there's your mommy. Your mommy wants to see you. Here we go," she took her hand and gently led her over to where Buffy was kneeling in suppressed anguish. "Let's just walk over to mommy, why don't we? She's been wanting to see you for so long. Here's your mommy." 

Pat continued to speak little baby nothings to Katie, and Buffy just knelt there as though suspended in time. She didn't know what to say or do but as Katie came closer and Buffy smiled and held out her arms, Katie suddenly sat down and started to cry miserably, then laid down on the floor sobbing her little heart out. Buffy rushed over and put her hand on Katie's back, rubbing soothing circles there and speaking softly and lovingly to the little girl, trying to comfort her. When she thought she'd made enough contact with her so as not to startle her, Buffy picked her up carefully and just held her to her against her shoulder. Then Katie put her arms around Buffy's neck, laid her head on her shoulder, and cried her little heart out, while trying to suck her thumb.

Buffy tried not to but she couldn't help it. She cried too, for a minute. Then she breathed in deeply and got hold of herself, and sat down in the rocking chair and just rocked her baby and spoke sweet nothings to her and eventually calmed her down.

Buffy was in agony. She was angry, too, but pushed that aside for now. A world, a system, that would put her baby through this nightmare was a world she didn't want any part of. These well-meaning people with their plans and their rules and their classes thought they were so good and smart and doing the right thing. How could they watch her little girl miserably sobbing as though her heart would break, and not see how wrong it was to take her away like that? How could they not see this? Buffy was breathing hard just trying to control her fury and her pain. It wouldn't do Katie any good right now to have to deal with her mother's righteous anger over their situation. She had to calm down and be the strong positive support her baby needed right now. And she had to convince these godforsaken caseworkers that she was capable of taking good care of her baby.

_Calm down. Calm down. Calm. Calm. Calm  
_  
Finally, Buffy was able to squelch it all down and put on the mask of the perfect calm and collected mother, visiting as permitted with her little girl for a few hours on a Saturday. She'd be that Buffy right now. She'd let the emotion out when she was alone. These people couldn't be permitted to see that part. They'd take Katie away forever if they saw her true feelings now.

Once both mother and daughter had settled down, Buffy began trying to distract Katie with some toys she knew she had liked at home, and talked to her and got her to play with her some. She read her a story and fed her a snack. They went outside and played for a while on a baby sized rocking toy (the irony was not lost on her) and looked at the flowers and a stray butterfly floating past. The morning stretched out into a lazy idyll where only Buffy and Katie existed, and Buffy would have been content that it should last forever. But lunchtime came and then it was time for Buffy to rock Katie to sleep with her bottle and her blanky and send her off into her nap. It was almost one o'clock, and Katie would sleep for about an hour or so as far as Buffy remembered. She just lay next to her daughter on a mat on the floor and watched her little mouth work and her eyes flutter in sleep and dreams.

_So beautiful, so beautiful.  
_  
Katie stirred again around two o'clock, and Buffy knew time was up for the day. But it couldn't be over now, she'd barely seen her at all. Pat popped her head in the door to tell Buffy that they could have another half-hour since Katie just woke up and she didn't think it would be a good idea to separate them immediately like that. Buffy smiled and told Pat thank you gratefully, although inside she was raging that anyone had the right to grant her more time as though Katie were not hers, as though she somehow belonged to them and her visits were some great favor they did her. Buffy realized that this is exactly what they thought, but she wasn't having it. Not inside she wasn't . Inside where they couldn't see she cursed them all for their presumption. She had gone through hell to conceive this baby, to give birth to this baby, and to keep this baby. She'd suffered those first weeks when she thought insanity was knocking at her back door, and she'd done everything possible to raise this baby with as much love and care as any mother could possibly give. Who were these people to question that love, that commitment? Could they have done as much? Would they have done?

But she pushed it down, and focused on the last half-hour with Katie, to make it as pleasant and carefree as possible. When she knew her time was up, she started telling Katie it was time to go, and that she loved her and she would see her again really soon.

"Mommy loves you, baby. You be good for the nice people, and I'll be back for you real soon. I love you so much. Don't ever doubt that, baby. Mommy loves you. I love you..." she couldn't stop the tears then, but she pulled up and looked toward the door as Pat came back in and held out her arms for her daughter once again.

Buffy forced herself to be calm and cheerful and let Pat take Katie from her arms then. As  
Pat started to leave with her Katie looked back over her shoulder at Buffy and just silently stared at her mother, without a sound. And the door clicked shut.

Buffy almost lost it then, but she ruthlessly forced the tears back, held onto her anger again to keep the tears at bay. She didn't want these people to see her anguish, to see any more tears. Those were for later. She'd do that later. 

xxxxxxxxx

Tanya was worried. Buffy was completely silent on the drive back home and responded to direct questions with monosyllabic answers. She showed absolutely no sign of any emotion whatsoever. Completely flat affect. They might as well be talking about buying milk at the store for all the reaction Buffy showed.

She pulled up in front of the house and Buffy started to get out of the car.

"Buffy."

She turned and waited patiently for Tanya to continue, one hand on the door handle ready to flee.

Tanya thought better of what she intended to say. Buffy couldn't deal with this now, obviously. She'd give her some time to recover before trying to talk about it.

"I'm glad we got to have breakfast together this morning, and you're doing very well so far. I'm sure things will work out fine for you in the end. I'll pick you up again next Sunday if you need a ride for your next visit." She smiled kindly at the girl staring blankly at her.

"No, I've got it. But thanks for the offer. I'd better go now. I'll call you if anything comes up."

Tanya was about to reply but Buffy had already fled the car and was halfway up to her front door. Tanya watched as the girl went into the house, never looking back. She sighed and drove away.

xxxxxx

Buffy called out loudly to see if anyone was home when she entered the house. She made a quick tour of the premises to find anyone home, and even checked the master bedroom, John's office, and the doll room. No one was there.

She held it together just that long. Slowly she walked to her room, shut and locked the door and slid down to the floor. Only then did she let the dam burst, and she screamed and screamed and screamed out her pain and the agony that she was sure would rip her apart. Finally she curled in on herself and slipped into anguished sobs, laying upon the floor. When those were exhausted she silently cried herself to sleep right there where she lay.

xxxxxxx

When Rosemary and John came back home from Christmas shopping around six o'clock, they saw Buffy sitting in the family room watching TV. John asked her how the visit went, and Buffy paused just a second, and then turned to him with a smile.

"It went really well. Thanks," she nodded, and turned back to the TV.

Rosemary started dinner, and John went up to his office. And Buffy continued staring at the TV, and didn't speak again until called to dinner.

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Author's Note: This chapter is a little long so I'm posting it in two parts. I did not want to leave you hanging there with that last chapter's emotional intensity just simmering for a few days. I don't know about you, but I needed to get something else on the page to lessen the blow to my psyche that was left from chapter 34. Hope you can make that turn there with me now. And remember: How does Buffy cope? That's right. Shove it down deep inside where it won't smother you for a little while, and pretend it's okay until you can face it without dying from the impact. It works, although I don't recommend it long term. The chapter title is from Elton John's 'Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)'.

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**Chapter Thirty-Five**  
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_**Saturday Night's Alright, Part One**_

It was seven-thirty but Buffy hadn't come downstairs yet, and they needed to leave soon or they'd be late picking up Willow. John decided there was nothing for it but to go up and get her.

Finding the bedroom door open, he leaned on the doorjamb for a moment, watching the girl put the finishing touches on her hair. She'd been very quiet this evening but when he asked about it, she suddenly brightened and proclaimed that all was well and that she just had a lot on her mind. John was left with the impression that the visitation hadn't gone nearly so well as she was letting on, but that she was determined not to talk about it. Considering his lame advice that morning, he thought it was probably best he didn't push the subject. He really had no idea how to comfort and encourage a teenage girl with the kinds of problems this one had. Deciding that he'd better announce his presence before she noticed him and thought his staring was as creepy as he was beginning to feel, he leaned in and knocked on the door.

Buffy spun toward the sound and gave him a bright smile, grabbing her purse and her keys and announcing her readiness to go.

"Ready to dance the night away?" He asked softly with a smile.

"Oh **yeah**," she affirmed cheerfully. "I **so** need this tonight."

"Well then, let's go."

He stood back and let her pass him going through the door. He caught himself just in time as he unthinkingly started to place his hand on her low back to guide her through. Startled by the unconscious action, he took a deep breath and followed her down the hall.

_Holy shit, _he chastised himself. He was going to have to be more careful around her. Fortunately, she seemed oblivious of his lapses so far. He had to make sure things stayed that way. The last thing she needed right now was to deal with his ambivalence towards her. He needed to get himself back under control. 

xxxxxxx

"Call me if you need a ride back home, girls." John reminded them. "Under no circumstances are you allowed to walk anywhere with anyone. That killer is still out there, and you aren't to take any chances. Got it?" he cautioned them severely.

"Got it. No walking. No strangers. Ride home with people we really know." Buffy nodded as she shut the car door.

John leaned out the driver side window and called to the girls as they walked away toward the club entrance, "Curfew at midnight!"

Buffy laughed and turned to face him, walking backwards a moment. "Yeah, yeah. Pumpkin time. I know." She turned back around, and she and Willow disappeared into the club.

With one last long look, he drove away. He realized suddenly that he wouldn't be able to relax completely until he knew she was home safe again. It was going to be a long four hours.

He shook his head. _That's one thing about six year olds. You always know where they are.  
_

xxxxxxx

After paying the cover, Buffy and Willow stood in the entry way for a moment. Willow was searching for her friends; Buffy was taking in her surroundings. The club had a raw industrial feel to it, in keeping with the neighborhood it was in. _The Bronze_. Buffy decided the name suited it. Metallic. Hard Edges. Almost cold.

It was a huge club for a little town, and it was pretty packed tonight. Willow had said it was the only club in town, so it made sense that everyone would be there. Still, this was a lot of people. To the right was a large dance floor, with some tables along it's perimeter, and the stage for the bands. The floor was crowded and the band was still setting up, while canned music played for the dancers. Beyond the dance floor was a hallway with signs indicating that both an exit and the restrooms lay down it's corridor. To the rear was a long bar, crowded with patrons, while nearby four pool tables were currently in use. And to the front and left were tables and various sofas and upholstered chairs in intimate groupings. Stairs led up to a second level, where Buffy detected more tables and saw patrons leaning over the rails, watching the action below. She idly wondered if action of a different kind might not be going on in the shadows upstairs as well.

She was drawn out of her thoughts by a sharp squeal from her left. Willow had spotted her friends.

She followed her new friend toward a cozy area on the far left, where two chairs, a sofa, and a loveseat formed an intimate conversation grouping. As they walked up to the people there, a young man with his back to the girls was telling a joke to those seated around him.

"Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think at least _one_ of them would have seen it." he waggled his eyebrows at his punch line, then frowned when no one laughed. His friends just sat there looking past his shoulder. Slumping, he bowed his head and sighed in resignation. "There's a blonde girl standing behind me right now, isn't there?"

Now his friends smiled, and the boy turned around to see who had joined them.

Buffy was, once again, completely caught off guard. The boy telling the blonde joke was Brunette Boy from the Espresso Pump. Of course it made sense. If Willow was Little Red Haired Girl, one of her friends had to be Brunette Boy. But still, here he was, and she was as charmed by him as she had been that long ago day. He was a cute puppy dog kind of boy, the class clown type. She liked him instantly.

"Well, that wasn't awkward." He stood to introduce himself to the beautiful blonde girl that Willow had brought over to meet them. "Xander. Is me," he cleared his throat which had suddenly gone dry. "Xander Harris. Glad to meet you."

"Buffy Summers. Blonde girl. Glad to meet you, too." She grinned at him, and he relaxed again. Blonde Girl had a sense of humor. He still had a chance with her.

_No. Wait. Buffy Summers? That's the new girl. __**Spike's**__ new girl. Damn! He was right. She is __**hot**__! And sadly, off limits.  
_  
Willow walked over and happily hugged another tall brunette boy, who she introduced as Jesse. "Jesse's family moved last year to another town so we don't get to see him so much anymore." she explained to Buffy, then turned back to the boy. "I'm so glad you made it!"

"Me too, I missed you guys." He turned to acknowledge Buffy. "Glad to meet you. We've heard a lot about you."

Buffy's eyebrows rose. "Really?" This was news. They were talking about her?

Outside of Buffy's eye line, Willow was shaking her head frantically to signal Jesse to drop it.

"Uh...I mean...Willow mentioned she was tutoring you and that you're pretty cool and I'm gonna just shut up now." He sat back down on the sofa and shook his head with a smile.

Buffy was not sure what to think, but Willow stepped forward and plowed on with the introductions. The boy seated on the chair opposite to Xander was Michael, who had a semi-goth thing going on. Very unlike the rest of the group. Surely there was a story there, Buffy thought.

"Drinks! You girls need drinks. What'll you have?" Xander clapped his hands together and acted as host. 

The girls gave their orders as Buffy took her place on the still vacant loveseat, and Willow curled into the sofa, next to Jesse. Xander turned to go get the refreshments when Buffy suddenly sprang up in alarm.

"Oh! Wait!" she called after Xander.

He turned and looked questioningly at her. "Change your mind?"

"Um, no...I just...want to go with you. To help carry the drinks." Buffy smiled brightly and walked over to where Xander had stopped.

Xander was confused. "There's just the two drinks. I can get 'em."

"Yeah, but if I help you then you can fill me in on...stuff." Buffy offered lamely. She was going one way or another; she just had to get through this lame awkward part first.

Xander nodded with an uncertain smile, and motioned to her to accompany him to the bar.

xxxxx

"Well, that's not weird at all." Jesse remarked as the couple walked away toward the bar.

Willow frowned. "A little bit."

"I'll bet she just wanted to go to get to know Xand better." Michael theorized.

"I don't think so. She's kinda more interested in --" Willow stopped cold. She couldn't tell them that, it was a secret.

"Who's interested in whom, then?" Spike suddenly appeared and plopped down on the empty loveseat.

"Buffy. Interested in Xander." Jesse explained.

"No! No! She's not." Willow denied animatedly.

Spike turned toward Willow and eyed her carefully. "She is interested in someone though, and you know who it is." He waited.

Willow shook her head wildly. "No! I don't know anything. Really."

"Uh-huh. Right then." Spike raised an eyebrow. "**Clearly** you know nothing." He looked at her pointedly.

"Well..." Willow was torn. She never had a girl friend like this to share secrets with before; the guys were her confidantes. And now she was hiding information from the guys. And it affected them, this hidden information. That she had to keep to herself. It was new territory for her socially and so far she didn't like it. She sucked at keeping secrets from the guys.

"Um...It's not my place to talk, okay?" Willow pleaded miserably. "You wouldn't like it if I spilled your secrets the minute someone asked, would you?" She ended on a defensive note.

Spike had to give her that. "No, you're right. If you promised the girl." he paused. "And I'm sure we'll figure it out soon enough, won't we?"

_Probably. _Willow sighed to herself. _Poor Buffy. _Willow just wasn't good at this whole girlfriend thing.

_I wonder if there's a book...  
_

xxxxx

Xander and Buffy returned with the drinks. He handed Willow her glass and Buffy held tightly onto hers. Xander plopped back down in his chair, and the only other empty place was now on the loveseat with Spike. 

_Hmmmm...oh well. If the universe insists, who am I to argue? _Buffy told herself as she sat carefully next to her Great Coat Guy, crossing her legs and carefully sipping her diet coke. She tried to pay attention to the conversation going on around her but the nearness of the object of a year's infatuation was muddling her mind. 

Spike similarly was having a hard time concentrating sitting so near to the girl. She smelled fantastic - a slight vanilla scent he thought. And she was so gorgeous. Once again he had a marvelous view of her thighs as she showed them off between a black miniskirt and high black leather boots. A shimmery silver halter top bared her back to his gaze, and as she moved he could clearly tell that she was braless beneath it.

"Dance with me, pet?" Spike turned those blue eyes upon her and Buffy suddenly froze up. After a few moments, realizing she hadn't answered him yet, she nodded numbly and put her soda down on a nearby table.

He held out a hand to her and she let him lead her to the dance floor just as a slow song started up. Buffy couldn't decide whether she was glad or not that the first dance was a slow one. Spike had no such questions as he stepped close and took her loosely in his arms, moving languorously with the music.

Buffy relaxed into the rhythm, and let Spike and the music take over and lead her wherever they would. This was exactly what she needed right now. To dance and laugh and forget there was anything else in the world to worry her. To forget. If just for a little while.

Tonight, she was going to have fun and get to know this boy she couldn't get out of her head for the last year. In her dreams she'd built fantasies around the boy in the mall, and despite Willow's warning, she just couldn't let him go so easily now that she'd actually found him and was dancing in his arms.

xxxxx

Spike pulled her in a little closer as they danced, and he loved the way she fit so perfectly with him on the dance floor. She raised her arms to wind loosely around his neck, and he couldn't help closing his eyes as her breasts softly touched his chest with the motion. His hands caressed her bare back a bit while they moved to the music, and he thought she was bloody amazing. So perfect, she was. Just perfect.

xxxxx

Buffy was in another world tonight. This boy, this Spike, was holding her while they danced and she could feel her nipples harden as they brushed up against him when she raised her arms to his neck. The sensations he was creating in her just by his presence, his mere touch, were amazing, even in their simplicity. She was intoxicated by him.

And she loved the way he smelled, too. Leather and cigarettes and... whiskey, she thought. She was startled that she found these things so erotic, since previously she really didn't like the scent of either smoke or alcohol. On Spike, though, they just added to his mystique. That sounded so shallow and wrong to her ears, so 'very special episode', but honestly she really found it quite sexy. Everything about this boy was sexy as hell.

xxxxx

Spike was mesmerized by this golden girl he held in his arms. He remembered, too late, that he was only interested in a poke and he'd be moving on, collecting on a bet as he went.

_Why was I doing that again? _he puzzled. _Oh yes, girls are faithless and not worth the pain of getting emotionally involved with them. That was it. _He frowned. _ Wasn't that it?_

xxxxx

_Willow says he's just playing me, to get in my pants. I shouldn't trust him. _Buffy fretted. _But I __**really **__like this guy, he looks at me and I get all tingly and gooey. How can I just pretend I don't care and walk away from him? How can I do that?  
_

xxxxx

_God, she's bloody marvelous. I don't think I've met anyone who affects me so quickly like this little thing does. And the way she looks at me, like I'm the only person in the room. No one has ever made me feel that way. But I barely know the chit. I can't just trust her when I don't even know her.  
_

xxxxx

_Well, what if he is just playing me? The end result is to sleep with me, right? Willow said he plays girls until they sleep with them, and then he leaves. Well, what if I don't? What if he doesn't get what he wants from me that way? What would he do then? If he was just interested in me for one thing, and he doesn't get it, he'd just move on to someone who would, right? And then I'd know for sure. Whether he was serious with me, or just playing me. Wouldn't I?  
_

xxxxx

_What the hell are you thinking? She's just a girl, like any other girl. Here one minute, gone the next, promises written in the wind. She'll break your heart if you let her, mate. Don't trust her.  
_  
xxxxx

_I can't trust him though. All his sexiness and his words and his accent and those eyes that look right through into your soul...How could I ever believe anything he told me? How would I ever know that I wasn't just another one of the girls he seduces and discards? How long would it take, before I knew he was for real? A month? Two months? A year? Never?  
_

xxxxx

_Then I'll just __**have**__ to get to know her then. Find __**out**__ if I can trust her. Find __**out **__if she's the one Willow told me to settle down with, start a real relationship with. If I never try, I'll never know. I could spend time with her, date her, try to feel her out and see who she really is. Couldn't I do that?  
_

xxxxx

_It's hopeless. I've been fantasizing about this guy for more than a year. About how his arms would feel around me. About how his lips would feel against mine. His hands touching me, caressing me... I could spend time with him, date him, see if he is someone I could trust and have an actual relationship with. A __**real**__ boyfriend. Couldn't I do that?  
_  
xxxxx

The song ended and there was an announcement that the band would soon start the evening's live entertainment. As other couples moved on and off the dance floor and a faster song started up, Spike and Buffy just stood there gazing at each other in silence. Their gaze intense, fully connected to the other, they each slowly began to smile.

_I could try.  
_  
Spike took Buffy's hand in his, and led her back to where their friends were waiting for them.

xxxxx

Xander thought as he watched them return from the dance, that he was watching a master at work tonight. Spike had clearly mesmerized the girl and she was willingly following him already. There was a part of him that totally admired that. 

_Damn! __**Spike**_he silently exclaimed in awe.

xxxxx

Willow thought as she watched them return from the dance, that she was watching her new friendship with Buffy crash and burn right before her eyes. She'd warned her, but Buffy already looked smitten and too far gone to pull back now. She just hoped when Spike broke her heart, as she knew he would, that Buffy wouldn't turn away from her group of friends in her haste to get away from the sleazy user that was her friend Spike. She wanted to protect Buffy, to insist she not fall for Spike's considerable charms, but how much could she really insist, especially when their friendship was so new? She just wasn't in the position to make demands and stamp her foot down. She'd have to leave Buffy to make this decision on her own, and be there for her when it all went south.

_**Damn it**__, Spike_! she silently exclaimed in resentment.

xxxxxx

From the stage, Oz quietly watched the end of the dance and the obvious attraction of the two blondes to each other. From where he was standing he could almost see the sparks flying between them, and he was amazed.

_**Damn! **__Buffy just caught smallpox. Did not see that coming. _he shrugged and picked up his bass to start the first song.

xxxxx

This is part one. Part two will be in chapter 36. I'm really not trying to make this read as 'real time', believe it or not. There's just a lot to give to you during this time. Thanks for reading and leave a review if you can.

Sara


	8. Chapter 36 thru 40

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: Here is part two of 'Saturday Night's Alright' as promised. It's a little delayed due to being way too tired this week, and also having to plot out all of Part Two a second time so I can be sure everyone is in their correct places now for the story to unfold later. It's a whole thing. Anyway, on with the night! Hope you enjoy, and review if you can. It really helps. No, honest. It does. 

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain. 

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**Chapter Thirty-Six**  
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_**Saturday Night's Alright, Part Two**_

Spike led Buffy over to the loveseat again, where he joined her and laid his arm behind her, along its upholstered back. He didn't permit his arm to actually touch her, but the gesture clearly indicated a certain territoriality that was not lost on anyone present. He was also seated closer than they had been prior to the dance. Buffy made no move to increase her distance.

Xander wanted to take notes, while Willow longed for telekinetic powers that she could use to fling them to separate ends of the loveseat. Michael and Jesse simply watched the show as it unfolded, curious as to the eventual outcome. They'd been down this road with Spike before.

Spike noticed Buffy's drink on the table and leaned forward to pick it up.

"Here you go, luv," he smiled gently as he held the glass out for her to take.

Buffy smiled at him and took her drink from his hand, staring at it for a moment while she tried to get her emotions back under control. The dance had affected her more than she had thought it would, and she was experiencing feelings that she'd never felt before.

_It's like I'm drunk on him, somehow, just from being in his arms. No, not just in his arms, in his presence. I've never known anyone to have that effect on me before. It's almost too much, but I don't want it to stop. I don't want it ever to stop.  
_

_God, look at her. She's just staring at that glass with that little smile, and all I can think is that I want to kiss her until we're both breathless. What's happening to me? It's as though I'm intoxicated with her, with being near her. I never want this to end. I want to feel like this forever.  
_  
Xander stood suddenly and announced he was going back to the bar. "Can I get anyone anything while I'm up there?"

Spike sat forward with his arms leaning on his knees and asked for a soda, turning his gaze toward Buffy to offer, "Luv, do you want anything to eat from the bar? I can go get you something if you'd like."

Buffy snapped out of her daze and looked at Spike a moment before shaking her head 'no'.

The others replied in the negative, so Xander once again headed for the bar. And once again Buffy jolted to her senses and without thinking called out for Xander to stop.

Xander turned around and stared at her in confusion. "Uh, yeah?" he stared at her and waited.

"Um, I'll go with you. I'd like to get a drink." Buffy declared awkwardly.

She now had everyone's full attention.

Spike frowned and looked at her questioningly. "You've got an almost full glass there in your hands, luv."

"Oh!" Buffy stared down at the drink in her hands, and tried to think quickly. _They're gonna think I'm a nutcase,_ she thought miserably.

She looked back and forth between Spike and Xander as she tried to explain. "I just ... this drink is old now ... the ice is all ... melty ... and I have a thing...about ... melty ... drinks ... um ... I'll just go with you and get a new one," she ended lamely and looked at Xander.

It wasn't that Xander minded having Buffy along, but this was the second trip she'd asked to make without any real reason to do so. It was pretty obvious to all present that she and Spike were attracted to each other, so this sudden need to accompany Xander to the bar was disconcerting. He didn't want to step on his friend's toes while Spike was seducing the new girl into his arms. He quite frankly had no idea what to do and was just staring with his mouth slightly open when Spike decided to take some action himself.

"I'll get you a new one, pet," Spike stood and faced her with a smile. "Diet Coke, wasn't it?"

Buffy looked up at Spike and realized she had absolutely no idea how to change this situation around to where she needed it to be without looking like a complete idiot. She'd already made it clear that she wanted a drink and frankly she was very thirsty after the dance. But she couldn't bring herself to drink the one in her hands and knew she couldn't drink one they brought back to her. She looked over at Willow for a moment to buy some time before she had to give her answer.

Willow was as confused as everyone else by Buffy's need to go to the bar with Xander again, and raised her eyebrows in question when Buffy looked her way. The look she saw on Buffy's face was a picture of misery and fear. Suddenly, Willow was struck by a thought that might explain Buffy's odd behavior. She couldn't be sure, but she knew she had to save her new friend from the weirdly awkward situation that was spiraling out of control right before her eyes.

"You know what?" Willow spoke up. "Why don't we skip the drink now, Buffy? Come to the restroom with me, and we can get something on the way back instead." She smiled and nodded hopefully.

All of the tension drained away upon hearing Willow's suggestion and Buffy pounced upon it gratefully. "You know, that sounds like a good idea."

The two girls stood and left in the direction of the ladies' room while the boys stared after them completely mystified.

"What just happened?" Xander looked at his three friends in confusion.

Spike just shook his head while he watched the girls disappear into the crowd. "No idea, mate," he frowned. "No bloody idea."

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When they were finished in the restroom, Willow checked to make sure they were alone before joining Buffy at the sink to wash her hands.

"You're really smart," Willow smiled, staring at Buffy through the mirror. "Most girls don't even think about stuff like that."

Buffy watched Willow carefully in the mirror to see if she was saying what she thought she was saying.

"Well, I'm from New York," Buffy gave her friend a little smile, hoping to make light of it. "Mothers teach their daughters to be careful from a very young age there."

Willow nodded to acknowledge the explanation, although she thought the fear she saw earlier on Buffy's face spoke of something more than normal caution. She wasn't going to pry, however. If there was something to tell, Buffy would tell her in her own time.

"Yeah, I get that," Willow nodded. "But you don't have to worry about the guys - Spike, Xander, Jesse, and Michael. They're good guys, they would never do anything horrible like spike someone's drink or drug them or anything."

Buffy just stared at the water circling the sink as she fought with herself to stay in the present. With a decisive shake of her head, she turned off the faucet and dried her hands. But she remained silent.

Willow noticed that Buffy had seemed to disappear for a moment. "Really. I'd trust each one of them with my life. They're good guys," she nodded in earnest assurance.

Buffy turned to look into Willow's eyes and saw that the girl she was beginning to trust as a friend was telling her the truth. Willow believed in the integrity of her friends without hesitation. It was hard to do, but Buffy decided that she would trust Willow's judgment about the boys, and try to ease the paranoia that had tightened its grip around her right now.

"That's good to know," she nodded. "Thank you."

Willow couldn't help herself, and stepped forward to give Buffy a little hug, which Buffy returned in kind. They stood smiling at each other for a moment.

"So! **Spike**, huh?" Willow changed the subject.

Buffy grinned, relieved that they were moving on now. "Yeah ... God, Willow, he's just so **amazing**. When he's near me I just get all gooey and ... just... I want him so **bad**." She paused and frowned. "**Is** it bad, Willow? You said you trusted Spike with your life. But you also told me not to trust him, that he was just playing me. I don't know what to do here."

Willow was really torn. She knew that was Spike's original plan, to get Buffy into bed. Oz had told her as much. But she'd never seen Spike so **boyfriendly** toward any of the other girls he'd seduced. There was something different about Spike's entire demeanor toward Buffy right now that gave Willow pause. It was subtle, but she could detect a difference. Maybe he was finally going to listen to her and try to have a real relationship with a girl instead of playing games on her for sex. She wished she knew for sure. She didn't want to see Buffy get hurt here. 

"I don't know either," Willow admitted. "He isn't acting the same way he acted toward the other girls he was playing. He's just not as smooth and, well ... I don't know how to describe it, but he's just different. But none of the other girls was my friend, either. I don't know if you can trust it or not. But he does seem like he really likes you. I'm really worried though that you're gonna get hurt and I don't want that to happen." she finished miserably. She wanted to smack Spike right about now, for making such a conversation even necessary.

_Stupid boy.  
_  
"Okay, then," Buffy nodded confidently. "I go to plan B."

"Plan B?"

"I really like him and want to get to know him, have a relationship with him. But I can't trust him yet, that that's what he wants, too. He could be playing me for sex. The only way I can be sure is to just not give him any. If he sticks around, then I'll know whether he wants me for me or for sex." She waited for Willow to give her opinion on the plan.

Willow gave Buffy's plan some thought. It could work, if Buffy waited long enough. How long was long enough, though?

"How long are you going to wait?" Willow asked. She suddenly realized that she had just asked her new friend when she was going to have sex with one of her best friends and the entire conversation quickly became confusing to her.

_Did I just ask Buffy when she was going to have sex with Spike?!  
_  
"Well ... I don't know. That's kinda the kink in the plan. You see," Buffy leaned closer and whispered. "I've never had sex before. So it's a pretty big question, if you see what I mean."

"Oh! Right," Willow was startled by the admission. She idly wondered if all new girlfriends talked about this stuff so quickly. She was starting to feel in over her head here. She and Oz hadn't quite gotten to that step either she remembered. Why did it seem so completely ordinary and expected when speaking about Spike, when it was such a huge deal when speaking about herself or any of the rest of her friends? She was going to have to give that more thought sometime, when she wasn't in a club restroom talking about Spike's sex life with her new friend. Her new friend who was also a virgin. 

_Yep, this is very weird, _she thought with a frown.

Buffy saw the frown, and worried about it. Willow had frowned when she'd said she was a virgin. Did her technical lack of virginity show up somehow, so that people didn't believe her when she said it? She wasn't a virgin in physical fact, but was one in her mind, so she had decided it was better to just claim it anyway. She really had no idea what sex was like. She didn't really know what it was like to make out in anything but superficial ways, either. She needed any guy she was with to know that without going through the whole story of her tortured past, which would probably either disgust them or scare them away. No, virginity was the way to go. At least, until she had to explain Katie. At that point she'd have to think of something to say. And she'd cross that bridge when she crashed into it.

"I don't know, Buffy. I'm kinda in over my head at this point. I've never had sex either, and I'm probably not a good person to go by. You'll just have to feel it out and decide when you think you trust him enough and also when you're ready to do it. You might trust him completely and still not be ready yet. I would trust Oz completely, but I know I'm not ready for that step yet. You know?" Willow smiled gently.

Buffy nodded and smiled back. "Yeah, that makes sense."

The two girls left the restroom to go to the bar for those drinks. Buffy stopped suddenly and grabbed Willow's arm.

"How long was the longest Spike waited for a girl he was playing?"

Willow gave a moment's thought, "I think the record was six weeks."

_Six weeks. So I have to be sure it's more than six weeks. Should be easy to do since I can't even imagine myself having sex __**at all **__yet, _Buffy laughed to herself.

Willow raised an eyebrow at Buffy's small laugh and waited.

"Well, six weeks. That'll be easy." Buffy explained.

Willow nodded and they continued on their way until Buffy stopped Willow again.

"Willow," she whispered in her friend's ear. "How did he get the name 'Spike'?"

Willow blushed. "Not sure cuz I never had the guts to ask. But his first girlfriend - the one he was really crazy about but she hurt him - she gave him the nickname. I mean ... well ... I kinda imagine..." she shrugged as she trailed off in embarrassment.

Buffy got the picture, and blushed herself. _Six weeks. At least that long before I know for sure what that name is all about._ She blushed even more furiously when her mind popped up with the visual.

"Okay, then. Good to know," she smiled brightly and the girls continued on their way.

xxxxxxx

Willow was still blushing when they returned to their friends. The boys noticed but were so confused by the girls' behavior thus far that they didn't even want to ask what was going on now. They all settled in to listen to Oz's band play a few songs. At some point Jesse asked Willow to dance, and they left for the dance floor.

Spike turned to Buffy and asked, "Ever been here, pet?"

"To the Bronze? No, never."

"Well, you've stayed down here so far, would you like the tour upstairs?" he smiled hopefully.

Buffy was uncertain about his motives, but since she felt she had her own plan firmly under control, she decided she had nothing to fear from taking him up on his offer. Besides, it would be nice to have him alone for a while. She wanted to get to know him better, but it was hard to do when surrounded by his friends.

"Sure, I'd like that." She picked up her glass, deciding she'd better keep a close eye on it. If she had another 'need-a-new-drink-meltdown' tonight the whole lot of them would write her off forever as the 'crazy new girl' and stay away from her.

Spike took her hand and led her up the staircase to the balcony area. It was a little darker up there, Buffy noted, and in the even darker area, further back, she could see tables and sofas where couples were quite seriously making out as though they were in their own private little worlds. The fact that people could see them, albeit darkly, did not seem to bother them in the least.

_Is that where he wants to take me? Is he already thinking about screwing me even now? That's totally insulting. _Buffy frowned as she turned her head back to Spike.

Spike saw her eyes take in the couples in the back and then the frown, and he realized her train of thought.

"Oh, luv," Spike hurried to reassure her. "Believe me, there's nothing I'd like more than to take you in my arms and kiss you senseless, but I know better than that, truly. No, I brought you up here so you could watch the band and the dancers from the rail. It's a pretty sight, don't you think?"

She followed him to the front of the balcony rail, and had to admit that it was a pleasant view of the club. She smiled as she watched Willow and Jesse dance below, and saw Oz on stage playing bass, himself watching Willow with a smile. She thought it was nice that they had such trust, that Willow dancing with one of his friends didn't cause a stir in her boyfriend. They were such a cute couple, from what little she could tell so far.

Spike watched Buffy watching the dancers, and thought again how amazing this girl was. Just having her near took his breath away. He wanted her so badly he hardly knew what to do with himself. But he had to be careful. He knew Willow had told her about his habit of seducing girls and he didn't want Buffy to think he was doing that with her now. He had decided on the dance floor that he was really going to handle this girl differently, that he really thought they had a shot at a real relationship here. He didn't want to bollocks it up by being his natural piggish self. He found himself in the odd position of actually trying to play this girl, not to get her into bed, but to get her to be a real girlfriend. If he could just persuade 'little spike' of the necessity for the new plan he'd be a whole lot more comfortable in his jeans right now, though. He shifted himself in his pants, not for the first time that evening.

"Go out with me," he blurted before he even realized he was going to speak.

Buffy turned startled eyes to him, and sucked in a breath. _That was quick._

"What did you have in mind?" _Think! Is it too soon for a date? What are you doing here?_

"Tuesday. Pick you up at six. We can go to dinner and then a movie."

It was such a regular date-like thing to do, what he was asking. Somehow she was reassured by the ordinariness of it all. It was comforting. A nineteen-fifties kind of date.

"Okay, I'd like that," she smiled at him.

"Alright, then. It's a date," he smiled back at her. He found himself staring at her lips, and leaned forward a moment before he caught himself and pulled back. He turned his head back toward the band.

_Damn. He looked like he was gonna kiss me just now, _she pouted to herself. _I'd like a kiss.  
_  
She turned to watch the band again, and they both silently gave thought to the budding relationship that seemed to be building between them. 

xxxxxxx

After a few more dances and some light conversation, it was getting late and Buffy was disappointed to see that it was time to go home.

When Buffy and Willow excused themselves to make Buffy's curfew, Spike immediately spoke up and declared that there was no need for Willow to leave, as Oz would wish to see her after their sets and he could take her home.

"I'll take you home now, luv," he turned to Buffy. "Don't want you to turn into a pumpkin now, do we?"

Buffy started at the quickly changing plans, but she could see that Willow wanted to remain at the club and go home with Oz rather than leave now with her. As though she understood her concerns, Willow nodded at Buffy to reassure her that going with Spike was a good plan. Buffy decided to trust Willow and just go with it. She wanted to be alone with him anyway. This way they'd get to be completely alone for the drive at least.

xxxxxxx

"It's a DeSoto." Spike declared proudly as Buffy stood staring at the enormous black sedan that Spike had identified as his 'baby'. It could have been the Hindenburg for all Buffy knew, but it certainly was big. And black. And big.

Spike played the gentleman and opened the door for her to get in. She took a deep breath as she settled in and waited for him to get behind the wheel. She thought to herself that she had never been in a car with a boy in her life, at least not this way. She felt like she was in some weird teen movie. She had always wondered how teenagers ever had sex in the back seats of cars. They simply were too cramped, she'd thought. Glancing at the back seat of the DeSoto, she could see that in this car at least that would not be an obstacle.

_So that's how they did it. Huge cars. Huh. _There was something to be said for the nineteen-fifties after all.

She turned around and saw that Spike had caught her staring at the back seat. She thought she detected a slight smirk, but then he wiped it off his face quickly, and all she saw was the gentle smile she was learning to love. The smirk was probably just her imagination overworking itself. Of course it was.

Spike started driving for her house when he realized that he wasn't supposed to know where it was. Fortunately Buffy didn't seem to notice and started giving him directions to follow. Other than her occasional 'turn right' here and 'head that way' there, silence lay over the car like a blanket. Neither knew what to talk about now that they were alone.

When Spike finally pulled up in front of her house, he killed the engine and turned to face Buffy. She smiled shyly at him from underneath long dark lashes and he thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Deciding not to over think it, he leaned forward slowly to see if she would accept a kiss goodnight from him.

Buffy watched in fascination as Spike leaned in toward her, staring at his lips as he grew closer and closer.

_He's gonna kiss me! _her mind screamed at her. She killed the voice in her head that told her to stay safe and avoid a kiss tonight, and leaned forward to accept the gesture. She wanted that kiss, and no amount of mature reasoning was going to keep it from her.

The kiss was slow and sweet and as chaste as could be. They both pulled slightly back and looked deeply into each other's eyes. Seeing nothing but a slight smile upon Buffy's sweet lips, Spike leaned in again and gave her another, slightly longer and firmer kiss goodnight.

She groaned inwardly when his lips moved away a second time, and she could see that without some definitive action on her part that that was going to be it for now. She sternly reminded herself that this was the most she could permit for now, if her plan was going to work. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and just get lost in him for awhile, but she couldn't do that. She had to remember her Plan B. She had to get control of herself.

"Goodnight, Spike." she smiled softly, and went to open the door.

Spike leaped out of his side and opened her door for her, helping her out of the giant car. He was going to do this right and walk her to the door. He had to remember that he was trying to win her for the long haul and not a quick roll. She was a lady, and he'd treat her as one.

She was charmed that he actually walked her to the door, and they stood awkwardly again upon the porch saying their goodbyes. Spike gave her another quick kiss and promised to call her before their official first date on Tuesday. She entered the house as he hurried down the walkway back to his car, and Buffy sneaked a look out a window, watching him as he drove away from her.

"A date! I have a date! With a guy! **The guy!**" She turned and ran up the stairs with a laugh that brought John in from the family room.

John thought that Buffy was in an excellent mood after her night out with her friends, and couldn't help overhearing her exclaim about getting a date with some guy. John knew that dating was a perfectly normal sixteen year old girl activity. Of course it was. He knew that. Perfectly normal.

_I'd better have a talk with her. Don't want her getting into any trouble while she lives here with us, _John told himself, refusing to acknowledge the jealousy that had wound its way into his soul. _What kind of foster father would I be if I didn't watch out for her?  
_  
He turned out the lights and trudged unhappily up to bed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author's Note: Two days in the life of Buffy Summers. Poor Buffy. The dialogue given to 'Jerry' are actual quotations from a man I know in a program like that. He's a hoot. :-)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Thirty-Seven**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Two Days**_

_Sunday_

Sunday morning broke soft and warm the day after Buffy's big night at the Bronze with Willow and her friends. She smiled as she slowly stretched herself awake, all warm and cozy and feeling completely at peace. She'd met some new friends, gotten closer to the boy she'd been dreaming about for over a year, and he'd asked her for a real date. A **date! **And he'd kissed her! **Three times!** A kiss! From **Spike! **It was all she could have ever hoped it would be. It was the first day since her ordeal had begun that she felt completely at peace with herself and her world.

The peace lasted all of two minutes. Lasted right up until she turned on her side and saw the sweet face of her baby girl smiling from the picture frame sitting on her bedside table.

That was all it took for the enormity of her situation to come crashing down upon her head once more, until peace was just a distant dream. When she had awakened yesterday afternoon, having cried herself to sleep on her bedroom floor, she'd been numb, unable to feel anything at all for a few hours. It was just too much to take in -- her baby's anguish, the loneliness, her total lack of control over the most important person in her life, her little Katie. Oh God, her poor baby girl! She was so miserable, no understanding of why her mommy was suddenly gone from her life. And who knew what the foster parents were like, anyway? They could be good kind people who would treat Katie just like she was their own. Or they could be cold terrible people who saw in her daughter nothing but a government check, caring not at all for the baby girl in their home.

And Buffy had absolutely no control over any of it. Other people now ruled her world, and her baby was their hostage. She was told time and time again: do this, don't do that, meet this deadline, cooperate with all aspects of 'the plan' -- or you'll never have your daughter back again. In her heart of hearts, these well-meaning people were no better than terrorists to Buffy, holding her baby hostage to their own need to control **her** life. She was sixteen, and she had no right or control over anything any more. And baby Katie was paying the price for all of it.

She hated them. She'd been following their rules for just a week now, and she hated them all, those Godforsaken people who kept her baby from her. And she could never let them know. If they knew how she felt, they'd punish her, and punish Katie by keeping her from her forever. She had to play the game they played, and beat them at it. She had to win, or lose her daughter.

So she would smile, and follow the rules, and be the picture of a perfect sixteen year old girl as well as the perfect mature little mother when she needed to be. And if she was able to keep it up, they'd release their tiny hostage and hopefully leave the two of them be. Let them be happy again.

One day they would have to let her live her own life once more. She wouldn't be a child forever.

xxxxxxx

She wasn't terribly hungry when she came downstairs for a late breakfast, so she decided on a very simple meal. As she spread cream cheese on half a toasted bagel, Rosemary came shuffling into the kitchen, yawning sleepily and pouring herself a cup of coffee that had been left warming since John went to work several hours ago.

"Good morning!" Buffy greeted her foster mother with as much charm as she could muster.

Rosemary scowled at her. "My **God. **Why are you so **happy** this early in the morning?" She yawned again. "It's not normal."

Buffy chuckled. "It's ten am. I have it on good authority that cheerfulness is fully permissible at any hour past nine on a Sunday." She plopped her bagel down on a small plate, grabbed her glass of juice and headed out to sit by the pool. 

Rosemary gave a sarcastic little smile and followed her outside.

"So ... You're happy. Good time last night?" Rosemary sipped the bitter coffee and grimaced. "Ugh. This is awful." She placed the cup on the little table between the two of them and pulled her feet up on the chaise longue.

It was a beautiful, sunny day already, and completely out of the season for Christmas week. Buffy thought it was depressing to have sunny heat during Christmas season, but couldn't help being happy that it was perfect poolside weather as well. Silver linings.

"It was a good night," she remarked noncommittally as she stared out at the water.

"A good night ... If I remember my teen years correctly, that means there's a boy involved at some point." Rosemary lifted an eyebrow and smirked.

"Could be." Buffy hedged with a little smile.

"Hmmmm ... Yep. Definitely a boy," she continued. "And judging from the silly grin you keep trying to wipe off your face, a very handsome boy." She squinted her eyes and looked hard at Buffy, who continued to gaze out over the water, ignoring her foster mother's stare. "And not just **any** boy. The **right** boy."

Buffy turned her head toward Rosemary and considered what to tell her. She knew these people could make trouble for her as far as Spike was concerned. Tanya had told her that laws passed earlier that year required foster parents to permit the children in their care to lead as 'normal a life as possible', which hadn't been the case previously. Tanya said before this law was passed that kids sometimes couldn't even go to their own high school prom or have friends over to the house because the date or friends hadn't had a 'criminal background check' first. Teenagers weren't allowed to leave the house, or had ridiculously early curfews. The foster parents and social workers were so completely irrational in their desire to 'protect' the kids that they forgot to let them be kids. So California made a law that said they shouldn't be restricting kids so much just because they were in foster care. But it was a new law, and sometimes new laws were slow to catch on. And John and Rosemary were used to caring for small children, not teenagers. Tanya said she told Buffy about the new law, so that if she was too restricted by her foster parents, she could let Tanya know and she would set them straight about it.

Buffy thought John had definitely gotten the message, because he had let her go out with Willow last night, and even gave her a normal curfew hour. But she didn't know how Rosemary thought, and she didn't know how far John was willing to let her go in her quest for a normal high school teenage life. She was treading on some tricky ground here, and she needed to be careful not to do anything that might make them tighten her restrictions unnecessarily. As long as Rosemary was ill upstairs and John was acting like he wanted to be a friend rather than a father, her world was pretty much on her own terms in this house. With Rosemary feeling better she didn't know how much that freedom might shift.

She was truly worried. She'd waited a long time for a first boyfriend. And what a boyfriend he might turn out to be! She couldn't imagine losing him because her foster parents got all weird about it. She just couldn't let that happen, not now.

"My tutor, Willow, has some good friends that I met last night. They're really good kids, get good grades and all. And one of them asked me out last night. We're supposed to go out on a real date Tuesday night."

Buffy decided if she could confide in Rosemary, as a fellow female, she might see herself in Buffy's shoes and be sympathetic. Unless Rosemary had been a total slut in high school and overreacted to normal dating behavior now. Or had gone to a convent school -- see same overreaction scenario. Definitely a gamble with this lady, no doubt about it. But she had to get permission for this date, and Rosemary seemed like her best bet in that area. She would just have to put it out there and see where Rosemary stood.

"And it's so sweet. It's like a real nineteen-fifties kind of date. You know, pick me up, go to dinner and a movie, then take me back home." Buffy nodded happily.

_Please get it, Rosemary. It's innocent. Just two innocent kids having an innocent evening out. Nothing to be concerned about.  
_  
Rosemary watched a mild breeze ripple across the water, and sighed.

"I understand, really I do," she began hesitantly. "But John, he worries." She looked over at the dismay written across Buffy's face. "Don't worry. We're not telling you that you can't see this boy. What's his name?"

Buffy thought fast. _What did Giles call him the other day? __**Think!!**_

"William. His name is William Rayne. He's my age, and the nephew of the man who runs the library at the high school, the same man I have to report directly to while I'm enrolled there. In fact, Mr Giles is the one who arranged my tutoring with Willow and is giving the tests I have to pass." She watched Rosemary for any sign that she understood how not-terrible these new friends of hers were.

"Well. That's reassuring. If he's the nephew of the school librarian that can't be too bad, can it?" Rosemary smiled, then continued on. "John did feel, though, that as your foster parents, we do need to be careful that you're protected at all times."

"Protected?" Buffy's face fell. This couldn't end anywhere good, could it?

"This is so embarrassing ... for me. And John just wouldn't feel comfortable talking to you about this, as I'm sure you can understand."

Buffy was starting to get a picture here. _Oh God. Please no._

"But we do realize that you **are** almost seventeen years old, and you do already have a baby so we know you are ... experienced ... if you see what I mean ..."

_Kill me now. Please. I mean it. __**Right now**__.  
_  
"So we want to be sure you use protection when you go out with any boys you meet. Especially boys who are 'the boy', if you see what I mean." Rosemary nodded and smiled at Buffy, who was blushing furiously and finding it difficult to look her foster mother in the eye right about now.

_Where is a sucking sinkhole when you need one!  
_  
"I understand," Buffy assured Rosemary nervously. "I don't really have any plans to ... you know ... but if I ever do ... you know ... I will most definitely make sure I'm ... protected." She kept her eyes on the pool. She couldn't possibly look at Rosemary and continue to have this conversation.

"Good!" Rosemary declared happily as she rose and walked back inside the house. Buffy could hear her distant affirmation of "Excellent!" as the french doors closed behind her.

Buffy thought that she could not have been more mortified. Until she remembered what else Rosemary had said.

She said that John had asked his wife to talk to Buffy about using 'protection'.

_Oh God! That is so much worse. Just the thought that John thinks about me and 'protection' at the same time is cringeworthy. _Then she thought rather bitterly, _So much for interfering with me and Spike. As long as we use 'protection' all systems are go on the home front.  
_  
She really wasn't sure which upset her more - that they talked with each other about her having safe sex, or that they simply assumed she would be having sex in the first place. They didn't even bother to ask her if she was thinking about it, or warn her to avoid it, or anything. They didn't even question it.

Buffy decided it was better to repress the entire conversation forever, and pretend it had never happened. She hoped to God that they would never speak of this again.

xxxxxx

_Monday_

Willow and Buffy had studied for several hours at the Sunnydale library that Monday, and then Buffy had to make her excuses to leave for an 'appointment'. The 'appointment' was in reality the classes she was required to take, and that she was greatly hoping none of her new friends ever found out she was being forced to attend. Willow didn't completely understand why Buffy had to leave so quickly that afternoon, but she rolled with it and promised to see her again on Wednesday. She also warned her that she expected some fuzzy details on her big Tuesday night date with Spike. Buffy promised to provide said details, so Willow waved her cheerfully off to her 'appointment'.

The court's drug diversion program met at four pm each Monday afternoon at the local community health clinic. When Buffy arrived early, as instructed, she was given a plastic cup to use for a urine drug and alcohol test and sent into a 'dry' bathroom to complete her portion of the process. Returning to the front desk with her cup in hand, accompanied by an attendant who watched her like a hawk, was probably one of the most humiliating things she'd been required to do so far. And she'd thought she'd met the 'humiliation limit' when she'd actually spent a weekend in jail, and lived several months in a New York maternity home. Mortified though she was, she signed the form they gave her to officially submit the sample, smiling and pretending all the while that it was no problem whatsoever.

Next, she had to have an 'intake interview' with Jerry, the 'facilitator' of one of the groups, and answer lots of questions about her drug and alcohol usage, and also identify her 'drug of choice'.

Buffy tried to tell the tattooed man -- who looked more like a middle-aged biker than a therapist -- that she really didn't use drugs and alcohol, and certainly had no 'drug of choice', but that answer was not the correct one. He simply would not believe that a court would order her to attend a substance abuse group unless she abused some substances. 

"I was slammin' junk when you were just a bubble in your daddy's ball sac, so don't think you can sit there, princess, and pull one over on **me. **You have a problem, and you just don't wanna own up to it. But you're gonna sit here in these meetings and you're gonna participate, or we're not gonna sign your card. And then **you** can tell the judge all about it when you see him again."

Buffy had just about had it with this 'intake interview'. She was treading a fine line somewhere between cooperation and complete meltdown.

"Fine. I admit it. I'm a crack whore," she glared at him. She watched in horror as he started to write it down on her intake chart.

"What are you doing?!" she went to grab his writing hand. "Don't write that **down**!" 

He stared pointedly at her hand still clutching his wrist, and she quickly let him go.

"I was being sarcastic, really. I'm not a crack whore. No crack of any kind. No whore-y-ish-ness at all. Really."

He stared at her in stony silence. He never even blinked.

It was at that point that Buffy burst into tears and just sat back down in complete defeat. From her immediate right, a box of tissues magically appeared, and she took a handful and cried into them as she fought to regain some control.

"Jerry, I think I've got this one," the new man told her tormentor. "Buffy Summers, is it?" 

Buffy blew her nose and looked miserably at her rescuer. "Uh-huh."

"Why don't you come with me, and we'll finish the intake over in my office."

She stood and followed the new guy to his office, with a last distrustful glance at Jerry, who was himself frowning at her as she left. She wanted to stick her tongue out at him, but the incredible stupidity of it prevented her from giving in to that bit of childishness.

She took a seat in the new guy's office and worked to compose herself, bracing for another round of 'what drugs do you use?'

The new guy was named Ted, and although he did admonish Buffy that she would fail miserably in her program if she didn't come to grips with her problems, he did not insist she admit to problems she believed she did not have. She got the distinct impression that he thought that she did indeed have problems, but preferred to let her face them in group, as the weeks progressed. It was frustrating, but at least she was spared the 'ball sac' references and Ted did not put her down in her chart as a 'crack whore'.

_Note to self: do not make sarcastic remarks to people who hold your life in their big tattooed hands'.  
_  
In order to get out of there, Buffy realized she would have to tell them something, so she admitted to having had some drinks at parties a couple of years ago, when she was fourteen and barely fifteen, and that she had ingested some 'GHB ' or 'something like it', at one point, but that she did not know about it until later so she felt that it really didn't count. Ted wrote it all down, and decided to list her 'drug of choice' as alcohol.

Ted mentioned that he saw her 'unwed teenage mother' situation as the result of her alcohol usage, and she finally got tired of denying it and let the man think whatever he wanted to. She just didn't have the energy to argue with them any longer, and she wanted to get this over with and check it off her 'to do' list so she could get her daughter back.

She was hoping to avoid Jerry completely from then on out, and therefore was relieved to see that she would be placed in Ted's meeting instead. The meeting was run in a group therapy format, with fifteen teenagers sitting in a circle of chairs in a 'meeting room'. Ted asked them how they were all doing, and if anyone had anything to share today, and whoever wanted to talk did so. Then they saw a gory film about what happens when you smoke way too much weed. Apparently, according to the film, you become a hooker and wind up on heroin, and are finally beaten to death by your pimp.

Buffy thought they might perhaps have laid it on a little thick in the movie. One of the boys in the group - Warren - actually cheered when the hooker got beaten to death. Buffy thought that Warren was way creepy, but that if he continued on his present path he might make a respectable enough pimp himself one day.

_Everyone needs a goal, _she thought as she stared at the boy. When he suddenly stared back and gave her a very creepy smile, she shrank back into her chair, wondering idly if she was going to need to **start** abusing some substances just to get through the meetings themselves. 

Finally 'meeting one' was over, and Ted signed her court card and she was free once again.

_I wonder what angry god I pissed off. This is gonna seriously suck.  
_  
She walked over and sat on one of the benches outside, and waited for her next 'class' to begin.

xxxxx

Because of the timing and the fact that it was in the same community health center, Buffy had signed up for the 'domestic violence for teenage girls and young women' class being held that same night at seven o'clock. It was a two-hour class, but when it was done, she could check that off her list and move on. She found herself thinking that the kids in the drug class should have to stay for the domestic violence class, so they wouldn't wind up as beaten up hookers, but what did she know? She just followed the plan. She wasn't responsible for other peoples' plans. She did think that Warren, though, should at the very least be forced to attend one of the violence workshops. There were some future hookers out there who'd be very grateful for it, she was certain.

_Sigh  
_  
This group was a friendlier mix of people, and most of the girls in it were there because their boyfriends were, to put it mildly, creeps. One girl in particular, Lily, had to be taken to a safe house to escape her psycho boyfriend. He'd been shot to death in a standoff with police the month before, and Lily was eight months pregnant with his child. Lily was also sixteen, and seemed a little lost but very kind. Buffy felt a kinship with Lily, another young girl left with a baby and no family to help and no baby's father to lean upon. After the group they talked for a while and exchanged phone numbers and said they'd get in touch again soon.

xxxxxxx

It was nine o'clock and Buffy was finally on the bus that would take her back home. As she sat there, she thought about how her entire life had been reduced to checking off little boxes as 'done' in her program plan. It was her very own version of 'Bring one hundred thousand dollars in unmarked bills to the phone booth on Darcy Street. Don't be late or you'll never see your kid again.' She didn't mean to have a snarky attitude, but seemed unable to rein it in at the moment. Her anger, although well-hidden, burned white hot. Her anger kept her grounded, focused on her goals. It prevented her from feeling the full brunt of her pain. She simply couldn't handle this much pain. It was too much. Better to dwell in the anger instead.

xxxxxx

When she finally let herself in the front door, she was too exhausted to even consider dinner. She simply trudged up the stairs to her room and switched on the light, intending to change into her pajamas and call it a night.

As she headed for her bathroom for a quick shower, she noticed something sitting on her bed, in front of the pillows next to Mr Gordo. Walking over to see what it was, she picked up the box and stared at it in horror.

Buffy sat heavily down upon the edge of her bed, dazed and in shock. She had been wrong. The plastic urine cup was **not** the most humiliating thing she'd experienced so far. She held her worst humiliation in a box in her hands. There were two dozen of them, and they were 'ribbed for her pleasure'.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author's Note: Okay, a few points. First, in this chapter, I mention a 'therapeutic agreement' but don't give details. What I mean is the standard, ' what we say is private except for if you are going to hurt yourself or anyone else, or reveal child abuse, etc' disclaimer psychotherapists must give. I didn't want to halt the flow of the narrative with housekeeping details such as that. And third, the book I mention is one I was given when I was a teenager and in spite of its title found quite comforting somehow. It is a book from an English author named _A. Alvarez_, from around the sixties and seventies, and deals with suicide and literature. Not suicide 'in literature', but suicide 'and literature', from ancient times to today. Sylvia Plath has a featured chapter, as a 'for instance'. Anyway, I love that book. It got me through some weird times, and sits proudly on my bookshelf today. I've seen it on the shelves in psychotherapists offices as well, so I know that I am not the only one that thinks that book is special and weirdly comforting. Anyway, on with the chapter.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Thirty-Eight**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**In the Beginning...**_

_Tuesday _

Tuesday morning broke crisp and clear, with a significant drop in temperature. Buffy huddled under the comforter as long as she could, holding onto that last bit of cozy warmth her bed offered, dreading facing the new day.

_Condoms.  
_  
She didn't know how she would ever face either of her foster parents again. The fact that they bought her a box of condoms was bad enough, but **two dozen **of them! What were they thinking, that she was going to hang out at the _Bronze_ and take on all comers? Was that really how they saw her? Besides her natural mortification, she was very discouraged that they would see in her someone who would have need of these in the first place, much less so many of them. And 'ribbed for her pleasure'? What did that even **mean**?

Baby or no baby, in her own mind Buffy hadn't yet made the leap into thinking of herself as someone who was 'sexually active'. Prior to her pregnancy, she'd felt that everyone she knew was pretty much on the same page with her on that assumption about herself. Now, though, she was being viewed in a much different light, and she was having some trouble wrapping her mind around the thought.

Before she was attacked and her life forever diverted from its normal course, Buffy was still a barely-fifteen year old virgin who liked to dance and flirt and maybe share a kiss or two if the boy was cute and seemed 'safe'. But that had been it. For all her daring to sneak out and go to parties with her friends, her bravery had ended where any further intimacy with boys was concerned. At that time in her life, she just hadn't been ready for that level of trust and intimacy with the opposite sex. She traveled in a pack, like other young girls her age in her social circle did. Pretending to be worldly-wise was one thing, actually being and owning it was quite another. She'd been naiveté personified.

But now she was almost seventeen, and she suddenly realized that she had still been seeing herself as a fourteen year old high school freshman. And somehow, while she was busy changing diapers and wiping pureed pears off of -- well, off of everything, really -- the rest of the world had moved on and grown up, and she herself had been redefined and categorized in ways for which she wasn't quite prepared. It was a lot to take in.

And at almost seventeen, she thought gravely, any boys she dated would expect a more mature level of behavior and intimacy than when she had been younger. And 'any boys' included Spike. This was no longer about running in packs and 'playing' grown-up any longer. She was expected to have 'arrived' by this time.

_Sigh  
_  
She glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. She couldn't stay in bed all day, she had to brave going downstairs eventually. Even so, she thought it better to wait until she was fairly certain John at least had left for work. Facing Rosemary was hard enough, but she couldn't imagine what she would say to John this morning. If he even knew. Perhaps Rosemary had bought them and hadn't mentioned it to John. That was possible, right? Rosemary had been a teenage girl once, _surely_ she'd understand how embarrassing this all was to Buffy? Right? 

Buffy groaned softly as she rolled out of the comfy bed. It was nine. John had to be gone by now.

It was time to face the new day.

xxxxxx

It was eleven o'clock in the morning and Buffy had just settled down on the comfortable sofa in her new therapist's office. She sat stiff and still, holding her arms closely around herself, and gazed silently about the room at the art and objects that decorated the tables and walls. There was a definite polar bear parent-child theme among the pictures, and interesting books and toys were strewn about in baskets and upon bookshelves. 

_The Savage God - A Study of Suicide_ read one of the titles. _**That's**__ not at all depressing, _she sighed.

Several diplomas from universities both in Britain and the U.S. hung above the large mahogany desk in the corner of the room. The therapist -- her name was Olivia, and she was 'highly recommended' by Tanya -- was an absolutely beautiful black woman with a very cultured English accent. Buffy couldn't imagine anyone would want to kill themselves if they could instead live and continue to listen to Olivia speak in that hypnotically soothing way she had. 

_And what's with all the English people, anyway? _Buffy puzzled. _It's way weird._

Olivia took a seat in a comfortable chair immediately across from the sofa, rested a writing pad and pen upon her crossed legs, and smiled softly in her direction. Buffy braced herself.

_Showtime.  
_

xxxxx

Olivia was quietly making her own observations of the girl who had been ordered into therapy by no less than Judge Holtz himself. That had to have been a first, she thought with both amusement and some concern. What on earth had possessed the no-nonsense judge to order special therapy for this young girl? It was completely out of character for the man. He was known for his disdain of psychotherapy in the treatment of juvenile offenders. He believed that rehabilitation was a failure and a waste of good money better spent elsewhere. And yet, here she sat, on his direct orders. Astonishing.

She had received very little information from Tanya when the appointment was first arranged, and in any case preferred to make her own observations and treatment plan without a great deal of outside interference. She knew that Buffy had been ordered by Judge Holtz to attend these sessions as part of her probation plan, and that she had at some point been the victim of a sexual assault.

Olivia, however, had her own diagnosis and therapeutic plan to determine. Judges may order children into therapy, but they could not command the human psyche. The patient would reveal, and change, and grow, on their own timetable, and not on that of any judge or case worker. And children would not move an inch forward, she knew, unless trust and caring were first established. Olivia thought trust might be a bigger hurdle to jump than anything else where this young one was concerned. Any larger issues would have to wait until deeper needs were addressed.

Once Buffy had read and signed the therapeutic agreement form, Olivia put it away and settled down in the big chair so that they could 'begin'.

"Well, Buffy, I'm very happy to be able to meet with you today. Did your case worker go over anything with you regarding what you and I will be doing together in these sessions?" Olivia waited patiently for Buffy to respond. 

Buffy stared at the carpet between them, chewing on her thumbnail. She said nothing.

When it became obvious that Buffy would not verbalize an answer, Olivia tried another tack.

"Do you have any questions that you would like to ask of me before we begin here today?"

Buffy raised her eyes from the floor and stared at Olivia seriously for a moment. She ceased worrying her thumbnail, and wrapped both arms around herself once more. "I do have one question." Her chin jutted out a bit, and the defensive walls were raised high.

Olivia waited.

"Did, like, a British cruise ship sink off the coast here and ... what? You all just swam ashore and decided this'd be as good a place as any to buy a house and raise the kids?" Buffy watched Olivia expectantly, waiting to see what she would say to the rude response. 

_So. Anger is clearly a well-used tool in the arsenal, _Olivia thought. _And humor as well?_

Olivia shook her head gently in response. "No, actually, we're all part of an apocalyptic English cult. Our leader in London gathered us all together one day and told us that the spaceship which would come for us was due to land in just this part of California. So off we all flew, across the ocean, to live and wait, here in Sunnydale." She smiled and waited to see what Buffy would say now.

Buffy continued to stare solemnly at her therapist and retorted. "Do you think they'll come for you before we're finished here?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, I think we have time before the end arrives. Regardless, when it does come for us, it'll be taking Judge Holtz as well, so I suppose it won't matter if we've not finished yet, as far as he is concerned."

"Good to know." Buffy nodded seriously. "Don't wanna disappoint the judge." She finally released the tight hold she had on her arms, and lay her hands loosely in her lap.

"I take it you've been meeting a lot of British people since you've been here."

"You could say that."

"Does that bother you? That we're not Americans?"

"Nope," Buffy shook her head. "Now that I know about the whole cult thing, it's cool." 

Olivia was glad to see Buffy give her first small smile since her arrival.

"Well, that's good to know." Olivia smiled back.

Buffy sighed and looked around the room again. "Did they tell you anything about me? About why I'm supposed to be here?"

Olivia considered the girl before her. She appeared to be quite intelligent, and the waters ran deep. How far would she dare to wade today? She didn't think it was wise to go too far too fast, and she wanted Buffy to know that she wasn't expected to deal with issues for which she wasn't yet ready.

"I have some idea of the main issue about which Judge Holtz was concerned." She considered Buffy carefully. "If you would prefer, we can simply discuss whatever is of concern to you, and if there is anything in particular you feel you need to talk about during any session we can deal with it at that time. We won't push into anything for which you are not ready."

"But Judge Holtz said he was going to get a report from you on how cooperative I am." Buffy challenged.

"Cooperation means 'do you come to the sessions?' 'Are you on time?' 'Are you willing to discuss anything during the sessions?' I will not be reporting to Judge Holtz about the content of our sessions. He will not know what we talk about, only that we are talking."

Olivia could see Buffy watching her carefully, sizing up whether this was someone she could trust, and whether her words were true or simply platitudes told to children to convince them to confide and share. She watched as Buffy seemed to decide to offer **something** back, to decide to trust, even a little bit.

She began flatly, "A week ago last Saturday the police came to my apartment, accused me of being a major drug dealer, took my baby away from me and took me to jail. That Monday there was a hearing and Judge Holtz decided that I wasn't a drug dealer but he took my baby away from me anyway, and gave me a bunch of things I have to do before I can get her back."

Olivia remained silent and waited to see if Buffy had more to say. Buffy pulled out a paper from her front jeans pocket and unfolded it in her lap.

"This is a list of the things I have to do before he'll let me have my daughter back again." She handed the paper over to Olivia, who read it with interest and concern.

"If I do everything that's on that list, maybe, in four months, Judge Holtz will let me have my baby back ... Maybe." Buffy pronounced this last quietly, and awaited Olivia's response.

Olivia was taken aback by the list of requirements Buffy laid out before her, and also by the matter-of-fact manner in which she presented it. It would prove overwhelming to anyone, much less to a young girl without support of family or friends. She couldn't change what had occurred or what had been ordered by Judge Holtz, but she could make certain that she did not add to the burdens the poor child was carrying. She needed some emotional support more than anything else right now.

"That's a lot to have happen in such a short period of time. A great deal for anyone to take in, to be able to handle even under the best of circumstances. You must feel very angry that your life has been upset in this manner, by people you've never met and who don't really know you."

"Not really." Buffy said flatly. "I'm doing fine."

"I know that I would be quite upset."

She watched as the girl considered that admission.

Buffy folded her hands neatly in her lap, looked evenly across at Olivia and smiled.

"I'm fine." She nodded confidently. "Really."

Olivia realized that this was the way the child dealt with these enormous upheavals in her short life, and that she would have to be very careful not to prematurely rip away her only coping mechanisms. There was a long road to travel before anything was going to be approaching 'fine' in Buffy's life. And she was fairly certain that Buffy herself realized it, but did not feel free to permit anyone else to see her fears. 

She'd have to see what she could do to allay those fears, and help this girl to come out of this nightmarish existence, and be happy and whole again.

xxxxxx

After some light Christmas shopping near Olivia's office, Buffy wandered back home to the enormous challenge of avoiding both her foster parents and of preparing for her date with Spike that evening. Her first date with a boy. Ever. Her parents had been quite strict about the 'no dating before sixteen' rule. To have a boy she liked actually come over to the house, ring the doorbell, and whisk her away in his car for a real date was like something out of some old teen movie to her. It was both exciting and completely nerve-wracking.

As she entered her bedroom she noticed the light on her answering machine was blinking. She said a quick 'thank you' for foster parents who let her have her 'own' private telephone, something her real mother had never been willing to consider.

It was Spike. He was sorry but his uncle had asked him to be home a little earlier tonight as it was still a school night, and he would therefore like to pick her up at six rather than seven if that was okay.

Buffy released the breath she was holding and smiled. The numbing fear that he was canceling on her had woven around her heart and the relief that he was simply letting her know about the earlier start left her giddy. She called him and left a voice message on his cell phone that six was fine and she was looking forward to their date. She clicked off with a quick goodbye, then worried for a good ten minutes about whether she sounded like a kid or a 'woman' in the message.

She finally decided she'd sounded fine, and at any rate couldn't exactly change it anyway, so she'd better just forget about it and work on getting ready. She only had three hours left.

xxxxxx

Eight complete changes of outfit and three entirely different hair styles later, and it was almost six o'clock. On the one hand she was relieved when Rosemary stuck her head in the door and asked if she was 'doing okay in there' and then left as soon as Buffy assured her all was well. On the other hand, she really could do with some feedback and advice regarding her look. But she didn't want to invite Rosemary back in, as she was still squicked by Sunday's little conversation and was afraid to open any more of those doors to the weird and uncomfortable. John was entirely absent, which was a huge relief in itself. She wished she felt more comfortable asking Willow to come over and help her get dressed. She would have had Tara and Amy there if this were back home. But she didn't feel like she could make that kind of imposition on her new friend's time just yet, so she was going to have to wing it on her own here.

The doorbell rang in the distance, and she rushed to the top of the stairs, remaining out of sight while observing as Rosemary answered the door.

And there he was. The gorgeous boy in black, with the platinum hair and icy blue eyes. Yep, she was smitten.

And as she slowly walked down the staircase to meet him, she could see in his eyes that he was smitten, too.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Thirty-Nine**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Three Things**_

"Bloody gorgeous." Spike breathed out so low that neither woman heard him. He watched in wonder as the perfect angel that was his evening's date slowly descended the long staircase to stand before him.

She was wearing what even he could see was a high-end black skirt that cut off mid-thigh, with a cream-colored cashmere knit top and black mid-thigh-length fitted leather jacket and matching knee high boots. She wore her long golden hair loose, cascading down and spilling over her shoulders, with long tendrils curling gently and framing her face prettily. A simple silver cross necklace lay around her neck. The entire look spoke of an expensive yet simple elegance, nothing flashy or cheap or hurriedly hobbled together. The style was youthful and yet of unmistakable quality. Much like the girl herself, he was beginning to understand.

She was unlike any girl he'd ever dated before. She was at once very young and very grounded, mature even. One moment she seemed like a giggly girl, the next like a woman who had seen things in this world best not mentioned, and had possession of some secret, arcane knowledge. Spike hadn't met anyone as enigmatic and intriguing since the year he'd spent with his dark goddess, Drusilla. Dru had shown him things no sixteen year old boy had any business knowing. What would this one show him, if he let her? Oh, he was captivated all right.

_I do hope 'crazy' isn't part of the whole 'intriguing package deal', though, _Spike worried briefly. _Hope those two types aren't mixed up in each other so's you can't have one without t'other crazier part ... Can't live through another one like that ...  
_  
Mesmerized by her slow descent, and lost in his own thoughts for a moment, he suddenly jolted to attention when he saw that she had indeed reached him and was waiting for some kind of response. Of the verbal kind. From him. He would rather simply stare at her a while longer, but it was 'that time' now.

_Time to charm the mom, and whisk my girl away for the evenin'.  
_

xxxxx

Buffy was as mesmerized by Spike as he was taken by her.

"Hi," she smiled softly, almost shyly, in greeting.

_This is it. The first date. I hardly know what to do with myself, and he's looking at me like I'm the only person in the world. I could seriously get used to that.  
_  
"Pet. You're so beautiful this evenin'. Take my breath away." Spike smiled softly at Buffy for a moment, then turned to Rosemary. "Thank you for having me into your home, Mrs. Smith."

"You're welcome here any time, William." Rosemary was practically beaming. Not practically. She **was** beaming.

And that was her hand resting on Spike's forearm, all relaxed and familiar-like.

_What the f--?  
_  
If Buffy didn't know better she'd think Rosemary was almost flirting with Spike. She knew better than that, right? Because that was just ... wrong. To a level of fifty -- **wrong**. 

"Thank you," he smiled again and took Buffy's hand, starting for the door. "I'll have her home by midnight if that's fine with you, then."

"Certainly. Midnight is fine," Rosemary hadn't taken her eyes off Spike since Buffy had watched her open the door for her date.

_**My**__ date, __**Rosemary. **__  
_  
Buffy was trying hard not to let her irritation show over what she considered Rosemary's blatant flirtation with her date. So she simply tossed back a cheerful "Midnight!" over her shoulder as Spike led her through the doorway and into the waiting night.

**God **these people are weird, Buffy griped petulantly to herself, immediately schooling her face into a serene smile when Spike turned his head her way as he assisted her into the still quite enormous black car. _Hands off, you middle-aged nut job, _she added unkindly as her internal monologue picked up steam. 

"Y'alright, princess?" Spike had noticed her suddenly agitated mien and was watching her with concern as he fastened his seatbelt and prepared to start the engine.

She looked up quickly to see him staring at her. _There's that head tilt again. _That had to be the most endearing thing she'd ever seen on a boy in her life. She could easily fall in love with the head-tilt thing all by itself ...

"Um, yeah, great!" she covered with false cheer. She had to get Rosemary out of the car with them and leave her at home where she belonged. Rosemary was not going to mess up this date for her. If that woman thought she was gonna lay hands on Spike, she'd get set straight about that in short order.

"Well then," Spike grinned. "Let's get somethin' to eat. I know a little place we can go, and still make the movie in time."

Buffy nodded and settled back in the seat. She couldn't wait to see what this evening would bring.

xxxxxxx

The restaurant was an old-fashioned American diner, complete with jukebox and 'so rude you have to love them' middle-aged waitresses with strange curly hair bobs, polyester uniforms, and hair nets. They didn't ask you for your order so much as stalk over to your table, whip out their order pad and glare at you until you told them what to write down. If you were favored, they'd call you 'honey' and see to it that you were well taken care of, yet never once cracking a smile in the process.

It was seriously retro, but in a way that made you think it was less 'intentional ambiance' and more a 'time-capsule-ish failure to leave the fifties behind'. Buffy found the entire dining experience charming, although she thought she'd think twice about sending any food back with any of those waitresses. They were old but they looked like they could and would take any problem customers down, if necessary. She'd rather try to get on their good side and become 'honey'.

The food itself was simple diner cuisine, but was to die for.

The whole date so far was straight out of a nineteen-fifties or early sixties teen movie. Very 'Happy Days', except without all the stupid. So far she loved every minute of it.

Once their order was in and they each had an ice-cold soda in hand, the silence began to stretch out a bit. It occurred to Buffy that in spite of what was clearly an intense immediate attraction, they really knew next to nothing about each other.

_Time to fix that, _she decided.

"You know, we really don't know much about each other yet," she began with her best mysterious smile.

"What would you like to know, pet?"

There was the head-tilt again. _Sigh.  
_  
"Why don't we make it interesting?" Buffy thought a moment, then continued with a grin. "We each tell each other what we guess the other person's life and current situation is, and then we each see how close we came to the truth."

"Sounds a plan," Spike nodded. "I'll play."

"Okay then, you first."

"Ah, ah ... your game. You go first, luv." He sat back and waited to see what she thought of him.

_Hmmm...  
_  
"Okay, here goes," she started. "Your name is William Rayne but you don't like the name, go by Spike instead. I think you believe William was the boy and Spike is the man ... so, **Spike'**. You live with your uncle rather than your parents, and my self-preservation skills are telling me that's a minefield so I'm gonna skip that whole drama."

She watched him carefully to see if she was bumping into anything that he'd be upset about. So far, he didn't seem to be upset by anything except the mention of his living situation, and as soon as she announced she was skipping it he visibly relaxed again.

_There's a story there, and not one he likes told.  
_  
"You dress the bad boy, but I think you secretly get good grades and help with the dishes when you're home. Not that you're fronting," she assured him quickly, "but it's just that deep down you're a good person, and treat others the way you want to be treated ... **Mostly**." She watched him a moment again. "You like being in control, and don't do team sports so much, but you do have some individual sports you enjoy playing. And I get the impression that you like to read. Your accent is pretty strong sometimes, so I think you haven't been here for terribly long yet. Either that or you're purposely keeping it thick to impress the girls.

"As for the girls, I think they are usually impressed, and you have your pick of them for the most part. But you haven't found anyone to settle down with yet ... Not 'marry' settle down, just 'monogamous committed girlfriend' settle down." She stopped a moment to see how he took that, but he gave no indication of what he was thinking. "I think you like the idea of love, but aren't sure it's something that can be trusted. Yet."

She stopped. "How'd I do?"

"Not bad, not bad." He sat up straighter and took a long swig of his soda, thumping the glass down when he was done and playing with the paper coaster as he considered how he was going to respond to her impressions.

"Born and raised in England. Parents divorced a few years ago, and dad wasn't interested in livin' a lifestyle that included children, so I went with mum. Couple years ago she remarried some ponce who had no use for children either, so m' uncle Giles was good enough to offer me a home here with him. And I've been here since freshman year of high school." He stared deeply into her eyes and continued, "Fell in love for what I thought was forever, but it only lasted a year when she broke it off with me, in favor of one of my good friends. **Former** good friend. And I decided then that women were not to be trusted."

He watched as the little crease between her eyes crinkled in combined concern for him and worry for herself. God, he didn't want her to worry about him that way.

"Dated a lot of girls this past six months or so, never really intended anything permanent with any of em and didn't care either." Her expression was as serious as a heart attack, but he needed to get this out in the open before someone else took her aside and made her doubt his every word and feeling for her. Someone that wasn't Willow, whom he was certain had warned her off, although he didn't know how much she would have said to make her point. There had to be a way to do some damage control before the damage was already too far gone. He could see from her countenance tonight that he still had a chance to change that perception around, as long as she wasn't influenced too much by the high school grapevine. Or by his friends.

_I am such an idiot, to put myself in the place where I sit now, with a girl I really like and who might be scared off after hearing my recent dating history. I might lose her before I even have her, and it'll be m' own bloody fault.  
_  
"I do like to read, when I've time, and play some racquet ball and have studied some kung fu when I've spare moments. I'm also on the swim team here, and compete for the school at meets.

"And that's pretty much it. Up to the moment that I saw you sitting in the library, writing in your notebook and looking so much like an angel that I feared you'd disappear in a cloud of mist and be taken away from me forever." He gave her that killer smile then, as he remembered their meeting.

"And you took my breath away, pet. So bloody beautiful. I knew then that I wanted to know you better." And there was that sexy smirk that melted her into goo.

Suddenly his countenance changed, and he was looking at her consideringly.

_Uh-oh. My turn.  
_  
"**You **are a puzzle," he began, watching her intently as he pronounced his opinion on her particulars. "'S like you materialized here in Sunnydale out of thin air, like a fairy or an angel. I don't think you're from 'round here, you've a way about you, your clothes, just little things that make me think of the east coast, not the west. Simple, but excellent quality, so there's money somewhere, and a good eye for what's fashionable and what's classic. You don't intend to follow trends for the sake of trends, you'd prefer to set them and let others follow you ... There's some family trouble somewhere, because the lady you're living with right now is not family, or shouldn't be if I'm any judge. Your family isn't here. I'm not sure what that makes the people you live with now, but I don't think you're completely comfortable in that house. Again, can't say why, but just a feeling I got when I picked you up today, and took you home the other night."

She was startled at his insight. Had Willow mentioned something to him about her living situation? It was **possible**, but she wasn't getting that feeling from him. She thought he really was guessing this stuff, and that he didn't yet understand the impressions he was getting, but was getting them nonetheless. She was going to have to watch this one. He might see more than she intended to reveal.

"You've missed enough school the last year that you have to study with Willow and take exams to prove you're ready to start middle of junior year. I can't even imagine where you've been that you're in that situation, so I'll skip that over. There's a whole story there that I'm not privy to yet, and I'm not gonna pretend to figure it out. You'll let me know when you want to. I can wait. I think you're very smart, and that you'll probably pass those tests when the time comes. And although I'd like to pretend that I picked that last bit up from just talkin' to you -- which I did, too, pet -- some of that comes from seeing that Willow is tutoring you and she hasn't been complaining that you're an idiot, which she has done in the past when she's tutored others who were behind in their classes. Believe me, she'd mention it." He laughed and sat back, done with his part. "And that's all I've got, pet. Mostly, you're a mystery."

"Wow. All that from just seeing me a few times. I'm kinda impressed." Buffy was stalling for time. Fortunately, the waitress brought their meals over and they spent the next few minutes settling themselves down to eating their dinners. If she thought he'd forget it was still her turn, though, she was mistaken.

"Come on, then, luv," he prompted. "Spill. What's the truth?"

She put her fork down and stared out the window for a moment. Turning back to him in all seriousness, she answered him back.

"I'm from New York. Westchester County, near the city. I have a father and a mother and a younger sister who are all back there still." She began picking at her food as she considered what to tell him. This had been her frickin' idea; she couldn't believe she still hadn't decided how much to tell him about herself. She didn't want to lie to him, but she feared a complete confessional would scare him off forever. And she couldn't bear it if he bolted, not now. She had to tell the truth, but perhaps not all of it. She wouldn't outright lie to him though. She couldn't tell him something that was actually untrue. She'd just leave out some of the details for now ...

"There were some things that weren't right at home, and a little more than a year ago I ran away and came out here to live with my cousin Faith. She's a couple years older than me, and ran away from home first, so I was the only one who knew how to find her. She took me in and I got a housecleaning job, and we lived okay for a while, on the skeezier side of Sunnydale. But we were happy, you know?" She looked hopefully for some response to her admission. His face was completely unreadable however. She couldn't tell what he was thinking, and hoped she wasn't already blowing it with just this small bit of information.

"But a couple weeks ago, Faith's boyfriend got into some trouble and had to leave town, and she decided she loved him and went with him." Buffy assumed that was the case. She still had heard nothing of Faith and Robin, and wondered sadly if she ever would again. "But when she did that, the police kinda tumbled to the fact that I was a runaway and pulled me in instead. So social services stepped in and next thing I know, I'm in a foster home with John and Rosemary Smith. My 'not family' family. And now I have to go back to school, and ... well, you see where this is going. Suddenly I'm at Sunnydale High, in the library with your uncle, who is in charge of my testing, and being tutored by your friend Willow." She looked down at her plate and moved the food around with her fork, waiting anxiously for his reaction to her edited story.

_If he can't handle this much, then he won't be able to handle the rest. Best to find out now I guess.  
_  
She wasn't looking at him, so it startled her when she felt his hand close around one of hers and squeeze gently. She looked up into icy blue eyes that held a deep compassion and acceptance. She was so relieved that he accepted her in spite of her story, that she put the fact that it was not the entire story out of her mind for the time being.

"I'm sorry, luv," he shook his head gently. "'Twas bad at home, yeah?"

She was confused a moment, then it hit her. Trouble at home that caused you to run three thousand miles away had to be some serious trouble. Damn. Can't lie, so...

"Well, my dad is an international attorney, so he's traveling a lot, and my mom is like this Stepford wife society mom, and she kinda drinks too much too, so ... there were some serious problems between my parents and me, and it got to the point that they wouldn't let me live with them any more unless I became their perfect Stepford daughter, and I just couldn't do that and ... I left." 

"Can't imagine anyone thinkin' you were anythin' but the perfect daughter, pet. They're bloody fools for not seein' who you really are." He gave her hand another squeeze and then released her. "Their loss, pet." He tilted his head in a question once more, asking, "When the police took you in, why didn't they make you go back home instead of stayin' here in Sunnydale? I'm happy they didn't, but I'd have thought they'd put you on a plane and get you gone."

"Well ... they would have, I guess, but my parents didn't want me to come home when they called them. And since I'd been here over a year, they kept me here, in Sunnydale." It surprised her how much it hurt to admit that. Honestly, she didn't want to live with them any more, especially if they hadn't changed their minds about the baby, but it stung to know that they refused to offer her the chance to say yes or no to returning home. Honestly, she had thought they cared more than that. They didn't. And it sucked.

She decided that this was as much hard luck tales as she could handle for one evening, and this was her first date and she wanted to have fun, not wallow in the misery that was her life. She needed to change the tenor of the conversation back to more fun, less agony.

"This is way depressing, and I want to have fun tonight, so let's drop this for now, okay?"

He nodded his assent and started concentrating on eating for a few minutes.

Buffy ate also, but didn't like the silence so much. She wanted to continue the 'getting to know you talk', but on less heavy subjects.

"Okay, here's a question for you. We tell each other three things about ourselves that no one -- or at least most people -- don't know about us. And it shouldn't be super depressing. We've already covered depressing this evening. You in?" she smiled hopefully.

"Sure, pet. I'll play."

"You first this time." she laughed as she took a bite of her dinner and waited to hear what he would admit to.

"Things no one or almost no one knows about me ... hmmm ..." he thought carefully for a moment, then she could see him settle on what he would reveal. "Now, no tellin' anyone else these things, yeah? Just between you and me we're admittin' this stuff."

Buffy crossed her heart. "Absolutely will not tell a soul. Ever."

"Okay then. Three things." He took a deep breath. "There's not a soul knows this but my aunt ... I have a secret love for 'Bridezillas'. Never miss an episode."

Buffy almost choked on her drink as she tried not to laugh out loud at this particular admission. Her gorgeous hunk with attitude was a closet 'Bridezillas' fan. Too funny. She forced herself to calm down and nod understandingly.

"I like it, too," she admitted sheepishly. "Did you see the one with the rehearsal, with Carrie and the fifteen bridesmaids and five junior bridesmaids and her demanding someone to get her a **gun** cuz she was seriously gonna **shoot** the next person who didn't get the walk down the aisle just right?"

Spike leaned in with a laugh. "I **know**. And I thought that poor caterer was gonna wind up an ingredient in his own canapés when she was done with him."

"Yeah. Don't mess with Texas. And her fiancé? I mean, really. **Grow** a pair already, you know?" Buffy added.

Spike almost shot soda out of his nose at Buffy's irritated admonishment of the poor harried groom.

_**That**__ goes in the file for later, _he thought with amusement.

"All right, second thing no one knows ... this one isn't known but to a few close friends, and I'll deny it if anyone asks, but I like to write poetry. No bloody good at it, but I enjoy writing it just the same." He looked away, didn't want to see just yet the look on her face at that admission.

"That's so sweet," she cooed.

_Bloody hell. 'Sweet'. She said it like she was noticing a cute puppy in a window. Not the impression I was hoping to leave with her tonight.  
_  
"But still very manly," she hurried to reassure him, once she saw him wilt under the burden of being declared 'sweet'. "Can I hear one?"

"Sure. But another day, yeah? I don't want to spoil the mood with my awful poems."

Buffy pouted. "Okay. But I'm totally getting to hear some soon, okay?"

"Agreed." He gave some thought to what he'd admit to as number three. He didn't want to bring the mood down, but he also wanted to be straight with her. So, he offered up his final admission. "I got a girl pregnant a few months ago. She wasn't a girlfriend or anythin', just someone I slept with casual like, and then a couple months later she tells me she's pregnant. Scared the shite outta me, I'll be truthful."

Buffy stared at him in complete silence. _Oh God. Where was he going with this?  
_  
Spike saw her turn pale, and quickly attempted to allay her fears.

"Oh, she got it taken care of, so there's no little one out there waitin' to intrude on our lives, pet." She didn't look any less pale, and he thought about what he'd just said and winced at the casualness with which he relayed this piece of news.

"Alright, I said that all wrong, didn't I? I didn't mean that I take this lightly or anythin', and I had absolutely no say into her decision - her mum was runnin' that show entirely and the girl had no say either from what she told me - but it was a scare, I will admit. I'm just seventeen now, and impending fatherhood was not somethin' I was gonna be too happy about." She still looked upset. Shite. Why did he even mention this? It's their first date and this clearly is not first date conversation. He needed to make this better and then move on.

"I mean, if I were to find myself in that position with someone I was close to, in love with perhaps, it would be an entirely different situation then, wouldn't it?" He thought she looked a little better, some color was returning to her cheeks. "I guess I told you this now because, well, I know Willow told you about my unfortunate dating history, and that I was with a lot of girls the last few months. And this thing, with the almost fatherhood thing and all, really made me think about what I was really doin'. It was something that got my attention, and made me want to change and be a better man, yeah?" His eyes were pleading with her to understand. "Have I bollocksed this up completely then?"

Buffy started breathing again, and realized she had scared him as badly as he had shocked her.

_He doesn't want to be a father at seventeen. Of __**course**__ he doesn't want to be a father at seventeen! Who would?! He's looking at me like he thinks I think I'm too good for him now. God.  
_  
"Well, I don't know what bollocks is, but if it's bad then no, you haven't. I was just surprised is all." She smiled tentatively at him, and watched him visibly relax again.

_What the hell am I supposed to say now? God I hate this. Stupid life.  
_  
"Well, I guess it's my turn now," she decided to change the subject and lighten the mood again. "Three things no one knows about me ..." she made a show of giving it some thought. "My secret guilty TV pleasure is 'The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis'. I love that old show. And Maynard the beatnik is all 'Work!'." She pronounced the word with the alarmed cracking voice that the character always used. "I just love that. It's so simple, that show. The family, the friends, all simple and supporting each other even though they are so completely different from each other. And it doesn't matter that Dobie's all preppy and Maynard's all beatniky, and Dobie's dad is all conservative grocer-guy - because they all really love each other, and let each other be who they are, you know?" She smiled at him.

"I don't know that one, luv. You'll show it to me some time, yeah?" he smiled right back at her.

"That sounds like fun." she nodded happily. So far, so good. Mood lifting off.

"Second fun fact to know: I think a serial killer lives in my old apartment building. But even though we reported him to the police, they didn't really do anything about it. Whenever they catch that killer guy, I'm pretty sure it's gonna wind up bein' him."

Spike didn't even know how to respond to that one. "But you told the cops about him, yeah?"

"Yep. They said they'd get to him some time but they've got a lot of tips coming in and they have to do things their way, and sometimes it's slow. So ... Watch out for a guy named Zachary Kralik. I think he's the guy."

Spike just shook his head quietly, astonished at her statement. But she was right, she'd reported him and it was up to the police now, unless the man did something obvious to get himself turned in for real. Huh.

"And the third thing, is that I don't write poetry, but I really like to read some of it. I'm not a big sonnet fan, but I like ancient poetry a lot. Ancient Greece, Ancient China, Ancient Rome, Medieval Japan has some of my favorites."

"Recite one for me." Spike challenged her.

"Seriously? You're challenging me to recite poetry? How very west coast/east coast of you." She laughed. "Okay, this is one of my favorites. It's from a medieval Japanese noblewoman named Lady Suo, from about the eleventh century.

_"That spring night I spent  
pillowed on your arm  
Never really happened  
Except in a dream.  
Unfortunately, I am  
talked about anyway."_

Spike laughed at her choice. The girl had interesting tastes in poetry. Too funny.

"What's so funny?"

"The poem, pet. It's hilarious. And eleventh century you say? Brilliant!" Spike chuckled and put aside his plate, dinner having been over for a little while already.

"Time to leave or we'll miss the movie, luv."

"Yeah, it is. This was fun though, talking and getting to know each other better like this. I'm really having a good time tonight."

Spike watched the girl before him gather up her purse and jacket and start to stand to leave. She was very special, and each new thing he learned about her made him want to learn and understand more.

He realized then that it was completely settled in his heart now. He wasn't interested in her for a few dates, a conquest, and move on to the next girl. He'd finally found a girl who matched him, a girl who could hold a place in his heart and life as Dru had done the previous year.

He really wanted to do right by this girl. Now if he could just get 'little Spike' to behave properly, he'd actually have a shot at a relationship with Buffy. Because that was his goal with her. Not sex for sex' sake. But a real relationship.

If he didn't bollocks it all up first.

He paid the check and escorted Buffy to his car.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author's Note: The title of the chapter refers to Shakespeare's 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' and the movie they saw was -- surprise! -- 'Million Dollar Baby'. **If you haven't seen that movie, there are some SPOILERS for it in the narrative and dialogue**, but I need them there so I'm just warning you now. It's been two years though, so I think spoilers are okay for this movie at this point. And...I'm leavin' em in there. . 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Forty**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Well Met By Moonlight**_

They filed silently out of the theater and made their way back a couple of blocks to where Spike's car was parked. He had no idea what Buffy was thinking at the moment, but her complete silence and wrinkled brow had him a tad concerned. He'd warned her that it wasn't exactly a 'date night' movie, but she'd insisted this was the movie she wanted to see tonight, said she hadn't seen any of the movies of 2004 yet and was happy for the opportunity to see this one. It had just been re-released into theaters in December, and was said to be Oscar-bound. Spike pointed out that it was also said to be grim and depressing, and did she know it was about **boxing**. But she wouldn't be dissuaded, so they had spent more than two hours watching a heartbreaking, almost unrelentingly grim movie with not a minute of romance or sex in it anywhere. Spike was a seventeen year old boy, and even he wasn't in the mood after watching this for two hours.

He didn't hold out much hope for the rest of their date. He had known that she'd probably cry during certain parts, especially the end, and he wasn't sorry that he'd been given the chance to put his arm around her and pull her a bit closer to him in an attempt to offer some comfort during those scenes. But the movie had ended fifteen minutes ago and she'd been lost in thought, and completely silent, since the credits had rolled. He didn't know what to do. So far he had respected her obvious need to silently process what they had just seen, but he didn't want the date to end this way, all sad and contemplative and quiet. He wanted their easy banter back, the way they were at the restaurant and before the curtain rose in the theater. He just didn't know how to get that back without coming off as an insensitive lunk.

He wished she'd agreed to see that romantic comedy instead. Romantic comedies were what usually put girls in a good mood, opened them up and made them more receptive to some physical intimacy afterwards. Horror movies had the same result for some reason he never did quite understand. But this, this was new for him. He had no idea how to salvage the rest of the date after watching a movie that was so devastatingly sad.

It was fortunate for him, then, that she broke the silence first.

"Wow. That was just ... wow," she finally sighed as they approached his car. She stopped and turned toward him, huge green eyes seeking his out in the dark.

He turned toward her and brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, it was. You okay, luv?"

She broke out into a glorious smile in response to his question. "Okay? Yeah, I'm okay. I feel fantastic. That movie was so ... inspiring, you know? I mean it was **exactly** what I needed to hear right now, exactly what I needed to **remember**." She said this with such intensity that he was left with the impression that she was trying to **will** him into understanding the meaning this film had for her.

"Not followin' you 'round that bend, luv. What did you see in that movie that you needed to hear, now?" He was confused. What part of that heart wrenching story was 'exactly' what Buffy needed to hear? "It didn't exactly turn out well for either of 'em, pet."

Buffy shook her head excitedly as she mounted her argument. "No, no, no ..." she disagreed. "Don't you see? They were a family. They **made** a family together, as friends, as trainer and boxer, even more a father and daughter than most people have, and this **family** meant more to each of them than their blood family could ever hope to do. His own daughter wouldn't speak to him or read his letters, and her real family were selfish and stupid. They were both truly **alone **in the world, but they made a family together, with each other, that was more solid, more real than the ones they were related to by blood, and that was amazingly beautiful. This movie was about hope, it was about love, it was about having the guts to stick around even when things are their very worst, and just to dare to love and to care about another human being. He wasn't her father, and she wasn't his daughter. And it didn't matter even a little bit. They were each other's family. And in the end, when it counted, he took care of her. Even to the end."

She started walking slowly toward the car again. "I've been feeling kinda overwhelmed, you know, and upset cuz my family isn't what I hoped they would be." He fell into step beside her and she turned her face to look hard at him. "I forgot for a while there, that just because the people who are supposed to love you and care for you are dicks, doesn't mean you can't find **other **people who'll love you and who you can love back, too. You know? Family isn't about the blood. It's about the love. I guess I just forgot that for awhile."

Spike remained silent as he unlocked the doors and helped Buffy into the car, walking slowly to the driver's side, thinking hard about what she was trying to say to him. After all, wasn't that his life too, that she could be talking about? His parents abandoned him, and it hurt like a devil to think about it if he was honest with himself. The world tells you that your parents are supposed to care more for you than anyone else out there. And if they don't? What then? He still had blood that cared, in the shape of his mother's brother and his wife. They'd taken him in and he'd been grateful for it, but he'd also felt very sorry for himself nonetheless. Felt as though he were alone in the world sometimes.

What Buffy was suggesting took more courage than he'd had yet. To put away the hurt and the anger he was holding onto, born from the rejection of his parents and the betrayal of Drusilla, and have the guts to create a new family, a better family, in its place. A family that actually did love you and would stick by you to the death when that time came, a family for which he could do the same. He was gonna have to think about that one for a bit. In the mean while, they had a date to finish, and he hoped they could finish it on a lighter note.

He settled into the driver's seat and turned toward Buffy. "Well, it's ten o'clock, pet. Should I take you home now, or would you like to do something else?"

Buffy didn't give it a second's thought. "I'm too keyed up to go home now. Can we go somewhere, talk some more?"

"Sure. I know a place we can park and watch the moon reflect on the ocean and the cliffs. It's beautiful and peaceful, usually deserted this time on a weeknight. We could go there and talk."

"Sounds perfect," she smiled at him and settled back in her seat. She wasn't ready at all for this night to end.

xxxxxx

It was as lovely as he'd said it would be, and as deserted. He pulled the car near the low rock wall that served as a safety barrier, where they had an unobstructed view of the ocean bathed in moonlight, and of the cliffs immediately below. To the right they could see more of the craggy cliffs as the land curved around the shore, and Buffy thought the gnarled Monterey pines holding stubbornly to their precarious positions upon the rocky cliff sides were quite beautiful. The waves crashed below, beating a steady rhythm that was very soothing. They cracked their windows a bit to let in more cool air and so that they could listen to the water crashing upon the rocks below. Although it was a crisp night, it was not uncomfortably chill. The sea air felt good, clean and refreshing.

"It's beautiful." She breathed as she turned toward him.

He slid sideways toward her on the bench seat, moving his right arm around her back to bring her closer to him in a half-embrace. 

"Yeah. So beautiful, luv."

He gazed deeply into her eyes as she watched him, and he leaned down to give her a soft kiss. She closed her eyes and lost herself to the sensation of the kiss. His lips were soft yet completely masculine, gently and chastely moving over her own, stopping for a second to pull on her lower lip, then continuing back to the soft caressing movement. They then slowly drew apart for a much needed breath.

As he pulled back, she heard him whisper softly in her ear, "Not as beautiful as you are, luv."

Buffy's heart melted at his words, and although she knew that this whole set-up on the cliffs and the romantic words he breathed to her were exactly the sort of thing a man would do in order to get what he wanted from his date, she really didn't think he was playing a game with her tonight. She knew she should probably be wary and cynical about this, and could easily wind up hurt if she wasn't careful, but she really felt such a strong connection with Spike that she decided to give him more trust than he'd really earned from her so far. She wanted so much for his words and his actions to be honest and real, and not the game he'd played on others before her. Her need to believe him was overwhelming.

She let him pull her closer to him, and settled comfortably into his arms. _Another plus in the whole nineteen-fifties date column - cars with bench seats.  
_  
He embraced her with one arm and wound his other hand into her hair, pulling her closer to him for some more gentle kisses. They didn't remain gentle, though. After a short time, his kisses became more passionate, deeper and more demanding. When he slipped his tongue between her parted lips and explored her mouth, she felt as though a flame had lit deep inside her womb, and she gave herself over to the passion of the kisses. She wound her arms around his neck and played with the hair which slightly curled behind his head. He drew her closer to him still, and with one arm holding her to him his other hand ran along her back and side, under her coat, over her sweater. 

Buffy felt herself falling into him as their passion increased. The sheer intensity of this embrace was overpowering and like nothing she had ever experienced before. She was conscious of nothing but his lips, his tongue, and his hands. Those wonderful hands. He brought his hand up from her back to her neck, into her hair, and then she felt it brushing down her collarbone, down to the soft swell of her breast.

When Buffy realized that he was now cupping and gently massaging her breast, reality hit her square between the eyes with the fact that they were moving way too fast and she forced herself to pull away from him.

"Wait..." she gasped as she started to pull away. She wanted nothing more than for that sensation to continue forever, but she had to do this, she had to stop him now, she couldn't do this now. It was too soon for this. Her eyes flicked down to his lap where she could see that he was becoming rather obviously aroused as well. Her breath caught as she tore her gaze away and forced herself to look into his eyes instead.

"Sorry, luv, I'm movin' too fast. Just a little overcome havin' you so near like this..."

She could see that he too was having difficulty breathing and was forcing himself to calm and pull back in spite of his almost overwhelming desire to continue.

She forced down a groan at the loss of contact, already missing those wonderful hands that had been moving over her body in such delightful ways. This was so much harder than she'd thought it would be.

"Yeah, we are. I'm sorry. I just need to take things slow, okay? I really don't have very much experience at this whole dating thing ..."

"You've never ...?"

She shook her head slowly and lowered her eyes in embarrassment. Spike put his hand under her chin and raised her head up to look into her eyes.

"We don't have to do anythin' you don't want to, pet. However you want to do this, that's what we'll do."

"Really?"

"Really. You let me know what you're comfortable with, and we'll stick to that until you say otherwise, yeah?"

"Well," she gazed shyly up at him through long dark lashes, and he thought she never looked so adorable and sexy as when she did that. "Kissing is very nice."

Spike chuckled huskily, and hugged her close. "Yeah, it is."

He leaned down again and brought his lips down on hers, kissing her breathless for a minute, but this time keeping his hands from roving into dangerous areas. "Think we could manage that and not get carried away again?" He asked her with a smirk.

"I don't know," she smiled sweetly. "We'll just have to try it and find out."

Spike chuckled. "Let's do that, then, yeah?"

In the end, they both declared the experiment a very pleasant success.

xxxxxxx

Eventually, they had to stop again, to prevent going too far once more. Spike was more sexually frustrated than he could remember being in a very long time. He'd been with Drusilla for a year and then did a lot of indiscriminate sleeping around these last six months. Dating and working hard at developing an honest and real relationship with a girl who was a virgin was something he had no practice with and he thought he might spontaneously combust at more than one point that night.

But he didn't burst into flames, and he was able to drive them back down the road toward home once again. But first, there was a stop he thought would be a good ending to their evening.

And that was how they wound up back in the old diner, this time sharing a piece of genuine 'homemade' lemon meringue pie and continuing that talk they never quite got to having when they were parked in the moonlight. Spike found that he really liked talking to Buffy about all kinds of things and that she was a very good listener. And he loved listening to her as well, as she got caught up excitedly in some thought or idea or other. He found himself enchanted by her beauty, which he already knew, and by her mind, which surprised him. He hadn't really thought he'd find someone he wanted to talk to as much as sleep with since he'd parted ways with Dru.

This was only his third time seeing her, and their first date, but he felt himself falling hard. And he never wanted to stop.

xxxxxxx

"Well, here we are," she said softly as she turned to watch him pull the car in front of her house.

"Yeah, we are." He gazed softly at her and tilted his head in that adorable way that he had.

"I had a wonderful time tonight." She was all gooey once more.

"Me too, pet." He squeezed her hand, and got out of the car and escorted her to her front door. 

Once on her porch, he leaned in and took her in his arms for a final kiss of the evening.

Just as their lips met, the front door suddenly opened to reveal John, who was standing there with his hands in his pockets, smiling and waiting for an introduction.

Spike and Buffy pulled apart quickly. Buffy was completely flustered by the unexpected appearance of her foster father, and Spike stepped back a little bit, trying to avoid the awkwardness of the situation.

"Um, John Smith, I'd like to introduce you to William Rayne, my ... um ... my date," she stumbled uncomfortably, falling back on her strict etiquette training to get her through this very surreal moment.

_Spike, let me introduce you to John Smith, the older guy who wanted in my pants this summer and now here I am with you, a boy my own age, instead ... God my life is way creepy.  
_  
"Um, William, this is John Smith, my foster father," she finished with a small embarrassed smile.

"Nice to meet you, son." John reached forward to shake Spike's hand.

"Yeah, good to meet you too, Mr Smith," Spike nodded uncomfortably.

"Call me John."

Spike nodded once, to acknowledge John's gesture of friendliness. He forced himself to refrain from asking John to call him 'Spike', seeing that Buffy didn't seem to want to call him that right now, and guessing that the name 'William' was less threatening to nervous parents than the handle 'Spike' probably was. He could respect that.

And then John stood there, right there, going nowhere -- right there. He wasn't going back inside to let them part in privacy. Spike finally turned to Buffy and took her hands in his.

"I had a wonderful time with you tonight, pet. I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Me too," Buffy smiled up at him, trying to ignore John standing there in her peripheral vision. "I - I had a wonderful time, too. And I'll look forward to your call then."

"Right," Spike nodded with a smile, then turned to John, "Take care, mate." And he bounded down the steps back to his car, and drove off.

Buffy entered the door first and hurried to the stairs hoping to avoid any more awkwardness tonight. About half a dozen steps up she heard John shut the door and call out to her, "Buffy."

She stopped on the stair and without turning around, waited for whatever he was going to say. Never in a million years, however, did she expect what he said next.

"The box is unopened."

_What? ... __**What? **_She slowly turned around and looked at John in astonishment.

"Excuse me?"

"I was walking by your room this evening, and I noticed the box was unopened."

"Walking **by my room**? I'm at the end of the hall to **nowhere**." Buffy was becoming angry, but trying to remain calm and quiet in spite of her spiraling fury.

"We have guests arriving tomorrow for Christmas, and I was seeing to it that the guest room across from yours was ready for them. So don't take an attitude with me about where I choose to go in my own home." John bit out with some asperity, then continued more calmly, "I have a responsibility to make sure you're safe while you're in my care." He continued as he slowly walked forward, closing in on her on the stairs. "And that safety includes making sure you don't come home with another baby on the way. You need to be careful, Buffy. If you're going to live in my home, I have to be certain that you're being careful."

He stared hard at her as she turned three shades of red. She was angry at his presumption, weirded out by this whole discussion on general terms, and outraged that he had felt free to wander about her room while she was out. She knew the box was not just sitting out in plain view of someone walking by the door. She'd put it out of the way where she wouldn't have to keep looking at it and also where Willow wouldn't see it when she came over tomorrow. 

But mostly she was mortified that she was having a conversation about sex with this man she barely knew, a man who flirted openly with her a few months ago but who now was acting like the 'creepy dad' from some weird after school TV special about 'bad touches'. This faux father wasn't acting fatherly, he was acting like a spurned lover who was using the 'father' card to intrude into things she felt he had no business discussing with her. If she didn't need to make this placement work, she'd probably slap him for his 'concern'. But she did need to make this work, and she knew that even if they moved her there was no guarantee the next home wouldn't be as bad or worse. She couldn't even be sure there was a 'next home'. They could dump her in juvenile hall, where she wouldn't get to see Spike at all. No, she needed to calm down and get through this completely infuriating and embarrassing moment. She had to keep her eyes on the big picture.

So she sucked all the furious words she wanted to spit out at him back down and smiled in apology.

"I'm sorry. I know you can go anywhere you want, it's your house. I guess I was just surprised is all. I've lived on my own for a long time now and I guess I'm still getting used to living with adults like this. I'm really sorry," she said quickly so as to not choke on the words as she spoke them. "And it was just a first date, nothing was going to happen, nothing did happen. I didn't even think about ... those things ... but from now on I'll be sure to keep some in my purse," she almost did choke now, "... just in case."

John stood before her and placed a hand on her arm and squeezed. "Good girl," he smiled. "I just want what's best for you." 

Buffy pushed down the urge to hit him as it rose up again, and instead nodded her understanding.

"It's late, and I'm pretty tired. I'm gonna go to bed now, okay?"

"Sure," John smiled back.

Buffy marched up the stairs to her room and closed and locked her door with quiet deliberation. Then she found the damn box, opened it and took ten of them out and put them in her purse.

_Ha! Ten! Let him wonder about __**that **__next time he comes in here to snoop. Son of a bitch!  
_  
But as she showered and dressed for bed, she put John out of her mind and focused instead on her date with Spike. And as she drifted off to sleep, she was thinking only of Spike's arms, Spike's hands, and Spike's kisses. And of the day in the future that she hoped would turn those horrid condoms into a delightful necessity. 

xxxxxxx

Spike strode purposefully into his own front door, and meant to head for the stairs to go to bed. He was stopped by the man sitting in his living room, waiting for the end of this 'first date'.

"How was your date?" Giles asked mildly from his seat on the sofa, where he'd been reading and waiting for Spike to return safely home.

Spike turned back and stood in the entryway to the living room, prepared to give his uncle the reassurances he seemed to need at this point in his life, reassurance that Spike was alive and well and had managed to stay out of trouble for another day. What terrible trouble Giles seemed to be expecting to encounter Spike could never quite suss out, but he humored his uncle just the same. Helped the older man sleep at night, he supposed.

"Good," Spike shoved his hands in his coat pockets and nodded affirmatively.

"Who was the young lady?" Giles hadn't caught the name before Spike left for the evening. He did hope it wasn't another of the 'seduce and shag' types his nephew had been going through these past six months or so. There was bound to be trouble on that front sooner rather than later, and Giles dreaded that more than anything. Spike had been extremely lucky so far, that he'd neither gotten any of the girls pregnant nor been roughed up by an angry brother or father. His luck couldn't hold out forever though.

"Buffy."

Giles stilled and tilted his head in question. "Buffy? Not the Buffy you met in the library last week surely?"

"You honestly think there's more than one Buffy in Sunnydale? Yes, that Buffy."

Giles rose from his seat and approached his nephew carefully. "I'm not sure that dating Buffy is a good idea, son."

Spike looked hard at Giles, wondering where that was coming from. "What's that supposed to mean? What's wrong with Buffy?"

Discomfort was coming off Giles in waves. "Oh! Nothing, nothing ... I don't think she's the right girl for you is all."

"I think she's very right for me." Spike was frowning now. _What the bloody hell -- ?  
_  
Giles tried to deflect Spike's anger and counter the protectiveness he already seemed to be feeling toward this girl with some cool logic. "You've dated half the girls in the school. Why are you so intent on having this one?"

"What's the problem, then? I like her, she likes me. I'd thought you'd be happy that I'm thinking about settling in with one girl again, not playing the field like I've been."

Giles was alarmed. "Is that what you're doing? You actually consider Buffy to be a potential **girlfriend** rather than just a quick shag and moving along to the next girl?"

"I don't know that it's any of your business, but yeah, I do." Spike was becoming very irritated with this line of questioning. He knew Giles didn't approve of his dating behavior in general, but this was the first time he opposed a particular girl.

"I realize that I cannot tell you who to date, but surely there are other nice girls you could ask out and get to know better if you are considering changing your ways now. It certainly doesn't have to be this **particular** girl."

"Well, it doesn't work that way. She **is **the right one, and I'm not looking for some other replacement for her. And you'll have to deal with that." Spike was angry now. "I don't recall me telling you to find someone else to marry, that there were 'other girls' you could look for to replace the one you obviously loved and wanted to have."

Giles stood in shock. Spike had never spoken to him in this way before.

"They're **women**, Giles. They're not exchangeable one for the other," Spike turned around and sprinted up the stairs to his bed. "Wouldn't think I'd need to tell **you **that." he bit out angrily as he slammed his door shut.

Giles stood in the living room where Spike had left him, speechless. He wasn't sure whether it was because he was dismayed at Spike's choice in love interest, or surprise at the anger with which Spike defended his choice, or the fact that he realized his nephew was actually correct. 

That wasn't something anyone should have had to tell him. Damn it all.

xxxxx

Thank you for all your reviews. I hope you're enjoying the story so far. There's still a long way to go.

Sara


	9. Chapter 41 thru 45

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author's Note: Some folks have been uncomfortable with the portrayal of social services and foster care in this story, and I need to address that. Frankly, I think I've been rather generous in my portrayal. The system in most states which handles dependent children is severely broken, and the likelihood of having a pleasant and smooth experience start to finish is not good.

Aside from the inept and the evil, there is also the plain fact that where children are concerned we are dealing with 'family attitudes' to a larger degree than I believe ever gets properly recognized. What I mean is that each family has it's own characteristics and traditions that it takes for granted is the 'normal' and 'right' way things should go, and it's difficult for an outsider with different ideas about 'normal' and 'right' to blend into that comfortably. It's the same principle that makes the first year of marriage so much torture sometimes, that blending of expectations about things most people don't even realize they have they are so taken for granted. You know what I mean: in some households, use a knife instead of a spoon to get jelly out of the jar and suddenly the world spins off its axis . These kinds of problems people never realize they care about until they run smack into them. So, it's an uncomfortable situation to be in, living in someone's house, figuring out their rules, having them denigrate your upbringing because your family is different than theirs, etc. And that becomes even worse where holidays are concerned. Once again, think back to your early married years. You'll come up with examples I'm sure.

So, yeah. The system usually sucks more than it doesn't for most kids. And so far in my story no one has been raped or burned or simply 'lost' so they're already doing pretty well. And I speak from experience on that front, having seen first hand the horrific and also sometimes the heroic in this system. We need more heroic. We really do.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Forty-One**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Family**_

_Wednesday_

Buffy was positively giddy when she woke up Wednesday morning. Her first date _ever_ had gone beautifully, and she liked Spike even more now that she'd spent an evening with him. As she went through her morning routine, she couldn't have kept the silly grin off her face if she tried.

He wasn't just 'great coat guy' or the gorgeous guy with the icy blue eyes and sexy smile she'd danced with at the _Bronze_. He was a down to earth guy with a lot of depth to him, and a wicked sense of humor. And he'd treated her well, and listened when she talked, and comforted her when she was upset, and stopped when she said stop ...

Stop. **There's** a situation waiting to blow up in her face. She couldn't believe she'd let him think she was a virgin. Even though she was. **Technically**. In all the ways that really **counted**. Except for the little problem of having a **baby. **

She had to admit to him the truth, and somehow keep him from running away when he found out. He'd said he'd had a pregnancy scare just a couple of months ago and was relieved when he found out he wasn't actually going to be a father at seventeen. If he dated her, if they really had a chance at a long-term relationship that led somewhere further than the next prom, he was going to be a father at seventeen even if he wasn't the actual sperm donor. Keep him from running away? She'd probably need **shackles** to perform that magic trick.

The entire situation sucked to a degree of eighty, and she decided to let it sit for a bit while she concentrated on getting through Christmas week. Trouble never went away on its own; it'd be there waiting for her when she picked the thread back up again. Meanwhile, there were Christmas presents to deal with.

She had bought presents for various people that week, but had no wrapping paper of her own. It seemed a waste of her extremely limited resources to buy some special, and she didn't want to ask Rosemary and John for any. Somehow, she felt that it was okay to accept food and shelter and even money for presents from these people, but to ask for something as simple as wrapping paper was an admission of destitution so pitiful that it hurt her very soul. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. Not for **paper**.

So she finally decided to use the Sunday funnies to wrap her gifts in. The Sunday funnies were printed in color, and since it was late December most of the comics had had Christmas themes these last two Sundays, so it was seasonally appropriate. Best of all, she was able to get it out of the newspaper recycling in the garage, and the paper was therefore completely free. She handmade some white name tags from some sheets of computer printer paper she sneaked out of John's 'office' when he wasn't home, and cut them into intricate snowflake patterns to make them more special. She hadn't any ribbon; therefore she decided that she didn't need any ribbon. The snowflake name tags turned out kind of 3-D in an interesting way, and they'd sit on top of each present in place of any bows or ribbons. In the end she thought her presents were very ... presentable.

At any rate, they were pretty in a homemade kind of way, and anyone who didn't like it would just have to get over it. The important part was the present and the thought behind it. If they couldn't appreciate that, then in Buffy's view they didn't deserve the present in the first place. **She** was happy with the results regardless.

xxxxxxx

It was about nine-thirty in the morning, and Buffy had heard John and Rosemary leave together in the big Explorer a couple of hours earlier. She had no idea where they went, but she was glad for the solitude. She carried her presents down the stairs and walked up to the tree in the living room. It was a perfect Christmas tree, exactly the kind of tree her mother always bought and decorated. Not a branch, not an ornament, not a light out of place anywhere. It was absolutely beautiful, but also a little cold. A little **too** perfect.

As Buffy placed her little presents among the other larger and more professionally wrapped ones under the tree, she thought back to last year's Christmas. How Faith had finally broken down and let them buy a tree, and how she and Fred had decorated it with homemade ornaments and the one string of little twinkly lights. The meager but well-loved presents beneath it. The special 'Baby's First' ornament that Faith had placed on the tree with obvious love and care. The Christmas cookies that looked more like fish than angels and Santas, decorated in odd color combinations found neither in creation nor in any traditional Christmas.

That had been Buffy's best Christmas ever, that poor pathetic little Christmas, lived in poverty but surrounded by the people she loved and who loved her. It was her last Christmas with Faith and her first with Katie and Fred. And she would not be seeing any of the girls this Christmas day. It was quite possible that she'd never see either Faith or Fred again in this lifetime. She had to believe she would have Katie back by next Christmas though, as hard as it was to be apart this time. At least she had Katie. She was thankful that Katie was too young to understand or remember this holiday. Buffy would keep that pain within her own heart; it was a mercy that it would not need to be kept in her baby's as well.

Lost in her memories, Buffy placed the presents under the tree with care, nestling them in between and around the larger prettier ones already there.

"Well, isn't that just ... too ... precious." A voice behind her pronounced with gleeful sarcasm.

Buffy started and spun around to see who had come up behind her unawares. Before her stood a woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties. She kept her arms folded across her well-endowed chest, and wore a smirk upon her carefully made up face. Her hair was light blonde, curling softly to her shoulders, and she was squeezed into a tight fitting red dress with a scoop neck so low that Buffy feared she'd come spilling out of it if she moved too quickly in either direction. Something about the woman struck Buffy as familiar, and it took only a moment to realize that this person had to be a relative of Rosemary's. The 'guest' who was staying for Christmas, perhaps?

"Hi," Buffy stood and smiled tentatively at the woman. "I'm Buffy. I'm staying here with Rosemary and John for a while." How does one introduce oneself to the relative of one's foster parents, especially when said relative was still smirking unpleasantly and had yet to introduce herself as well? This particular scenario had not been covered in the formal 'Etiquette for Young Ladies' class her mother had dragged her to when she was twelve.

"**Buffy? **Huh," Chesty Blonde looked her up and down. "Well, Rosemary said she had taken in another homeless puppy, but you seem a little old ... and well-developed ... to be one of her kids ..."

Apparently Chesty Blonde had not been forced into that same etiquette class in **her** youth. Because Buffy thought that she was shaping up to be quite a bitc --

"Oh! Hey!" Rosemary chirped as she flounced into the living room and came upon the scene before the Christmas tree. "Buffy! You're up! Good, just in time. We have guests for Christmas this year." She smiled brightly and turned to Chesty Blonde, "Buffy, I'd like you to meet my younger sister, Glory. Glory," she turned to face Buffy, "this is Buffy Summers. She's our new foster child."

Buffy and Glory smiled insincerely at each other as a formality, but Rosemary didn't seem to notice.

"I'm sure you two will get along wonderfully." she looked back and forth between the two females. "Glory, you'll be staying in your usual room. And Buffy's right across the hall now so you're not all alone down there this year." She grabbed Buffy's hand and started leading her out toward the garage. "Buffy'll just get your bags and bring them up to your room for you now," she declared cheerfully. "And you can come with me and we'll make some tea and get caught up."

Rosemary instructed Buffy quietly to go to the car and see John, who would deliver over the luggage to her. Then she turned about and led Glory into the kitchen/family room for tea.

_Great. Glory's a bitch and living right in my face at the end of the hall. Maybe if she __**hates**__ me enough she'll leave me completely __**alone**__.  
_  
She stopped short when she got to the garage and saw the pile of bags left there for her to lug into the house. She was about to say something mean and snarky under her breath when she noticed John coming around the other side of the Explorer. She didn't want him to hear her dissing his relatives. She also didn't want to see him again ever, but knew that was a foolish hope since he lived there and was 'responsible for her safety'. That still burned. _Idiot. _

"Hey," he greeted her quietly when she stood silently before him, looking over the bags.

"Good morning," she answered back without a glance in his direction. "I'll just get started on taking the bags up then." She reached for three of them and started back in the direction of the staircase without another word. 

She noticed that John was immediately behind her with the remaining four bags, and he followed her down the hall to Glory's room, right across the hall from the safety of her own.

After she deposited the bags on the bed, she turned to leave again but John stood in her way with the other bags. He didn't make way for her to go around him, and since that was clearly his intent, Buffy stood back and waited expectantly for whatever it was he was going to say. 

John considered the silent, obviously angry and uncomfortable, young woman before him. He didn't know what was the matter with him lately, but he was of a contrite spirit this morning, and felt an apology was in order today.

"Look, Buffy," he started uncomfortably as he put the bags down in front of him. "I was out of line last night."

Buffy was still frowning and crossed her arms in front of her, but said nothing. John decided to continue.

"Somehow, I guess I just got a little ... uncomfortable ... with you dating that boy, and I thought that being you were already sexually ... experienced ... that you might find yourself in a situation with a new boy that could get ... out of hand ... whether your intention was originally that ... or not." 

Her expression and posture changed not a bit, and John quickly went back over what he'd just said looking for anything blatantly objectionable and saw nothing there that was so terrible. What was her problem?

"Okay, well. I understand. Thank you," Buffy sighed in resignation and moved to go around John and back to her room. John caught her arm as she passed him, and spun her around to face him again.

"Buffy, I don't know what your problem is, but get it settled before Christmas, okay?" he warned her. "I don't intend to put up with your attitude through the holidays, and if that means sending you back to social services then that's what I'll do. We took you in because we wanted to help, but we don't have to put up with your irritability and superior attitude."

She remained silent as he got worked up over the slights of which he accused her, and tried very hard not to pull out of his grasp and march away slamming the door behind her. That wasn't going to help the situation any, she was certain.

"So shape up, and get along with us and our guests, Buffy. Or you're outta here." John declared calmly as he let her go and turned out of the room and back down the hall.

Buffy counted to ten and then decided to return to her bedroom to study. As she crossed the hall to her room, she saw Glory leaning against the upstairs landing balustrade, smirking at her.

She glared at the horrible woman as she continued into her room, locking the door behind her. She plopped down onto her bed and hugged Mr. Gordo to her chest while she contemplated just where it had all gone wrong somehow, and what on earth she was going to do regarding **Glory** the ho. Well, yeah ...

She started to laugh.

_Ho Ho Ho.  
_  
She broke into helpless giggles, and it took her a few minutes to calm herself before she was able to get up and start reading her textbooks for awhile. Willow would be coming over after school today, and she needed to be prepared for her practice tests. If she studied all day, she thought she'd make it. And best of all, she'd be out of Glory's way the entire time.

Studying had never looked so inviting. 

xxxxxxx

When Willow arrived at three o'clock for their tutoring session, she was practically bouncing with excitement to hear last night's 'date details'. Buffy laughed as she settled back against her headboard, while Willow made herself comfortable sitting cross-legged against the footboard.

"Come on, come on! Details!" Willow nodded excitedly.

"Well," Buffy picked up Mr. Gordo and held him in her lap, twirling and smoothing her hands down his body by turns. "He picked me up and drove me to _Frank's Diner_ for dinner. Have you ever been there?"

Willow nodded. "Rude waitresses, killer food? Oh, yeah."

"Yeah. Anyway, we talked and talked and got to know each other better over dinner. We played 'Three Things' and he was **so** adorable."

"Three Things? What's that?"

"You tell each other three things no one else knows about you, or almost no one else knows. It's fun and you get to learn interesting things about each other."

"What were his three things?"

"Oh, that's the most important part of the game. The three things are forever secret as long as the person doesn't want them known. No telling." Buffy shook her head seriously.

"Oh. Okay," Willow seemed disappointed by that lack of news. "Then what?"

"We went to the movies. Saw a **great** movie!" Buffy gushed.

"Oh! Oh! That new comedy, with --"

"Nope!"

"Oh, I know! It was that horror movie where these kids' car breaks down --"

"Nope!"

"Um ..." Willow scrunched her face in thought, totally stumped. What other date night movies were playing right now?

"We saw _Million Dollar Baby_." Buffy announced happily.

"On a date?" Willow asked tentatively, completely puzzled. "Was the idea to get you all weepy so he could comfort you?"

"No, that's not it. He didn't really want to, but I kinda insisted. I really wanted to see it. I haven't seen any other movies this year and that one really looked good."

"On a date?"

Buffy reached over and smacked Willow's knee. "Yes, on a date." She sat back and continued her story. "Anyway, he was really sweet during the movie, when it got upsetting and I would start to cry, he'd put his arm around me to comfort me, all gentlemanly and stuff. It was so nice, Willow."

"Comfort? Or... Copping a feel?" Willow raised her eyebrows. She knew Spike pretty well, and he **was** a seventeen year old boy after all.

"Comfort," Buffy declared, then thought about it a moment. "Mostly comfort," she added with a shrug, then continued. "So then we talked about the movie after, and about how they were a family together, and loved each other better than their real families did." She paused briefly. "And then we went up to the cliffs. It was on the cliffs over the ocean, with a parking turnout ... I don't know what it's called there."

"Moonlight Point." Willow provided, concealing her uneasiness with a smile. "It's a really good make-out spot." Willow was starting to become concerned again. _If that guy was just trying to get some from Buffy I will do him a ... a serious injury! Stupid boys!_

"Right. Anyway, we kissed for a while and it was **so** great! Willow, he's such a good kisser!" Buffy was all gushy and happy. She hadn't had much experience with that level and length of kissing, but she knew enough to know that he had some serious skills in that department. _Learned skills ... from a __**lot**__ of kissing of other girls ... Yeah, okay.  
_  
"I've heard tell." Willow sucked in a gasp. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that! Please don't think his kissing is all over the school grapevine or anything ... at least not in a skeezy way. Just in the normal grapeviney way. Girls talk in the locker room before gym class, you know?"

"I get it, Will. I know he's been with a lot of girls, and like you said, girls talk. It's okay." Buffy reassured her friend with a little smile. She hoped it wasn't a problem, his experience ... and her lack of same.

Willow decided it was best to move on and prompted Buffy with a quick nod. "So, the kissing was good ..."

"Yeah. Very good." Buffy was all dreamy now, but forced herself to continue. "And then we were all holding each other - no naughty hands, just, you know, arms around each other and kissing, then he started to get a little more brave and I had to stop." Buffy pouted prettily. "I hated stopping, but I just wasn't ready for that yet, you know? I just wanted to stick to kissing without any other ... groping ... you know?"

"Yeah, I know," Willow smiled softly. "I assume from your complete lack of bad here that he stopped for you."

"Yeah, he was great about it, really understanding and gentlemanly. Then he took me back to _Frank's Diner_ for some lemon meringue pie and more talking about stuff."

Willow sat bolt upright in excitement. "The pie! The **lemon meringue pie**! Like in the **movie**!"

"Yeah-huh," Buffy melted happily right there on her bed. "He wanted to share a piece of lemon meringue pie and talk some more. After the movie I told him how the movie meant so much to me, about making family of your friends when your own family is ... well ... not good. And when he pulled up in front of _Frank's_ he just smiled at me, and took my hand and led me to the counter and ordered a piece of lemon meringue pie to share. And it was probably the most touching and sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me, Willow. I wanted to cry - but I didn't! I didn't want to spoil it being all weepy, you know? But it was such a great gesture and I don't think he could've done anything that meant more to me that night." Buffy looked seriously at Willow, and added softly, "I really like him, Will."

"Yeah. I know," Willow smiled back, reaching across to take her hand in hers. "And for what it's worth, I'm pretty sure - no almost completely sure - that he really likes you, too. In more than just another pretty girl to date way. I think he wants more this time."

"Yeah?" Buffy sounded like a little girl right then, and it melted Willow's heart to see it.

"Yeah," she nodded gently.

Buffy stared at her comforter for a few moments, torn about what she was going to do next. Bracing herself, she gave Willow a long serious look and began to share the one piece of her life that she'd left out when talking about herself this last week. She needed to have someone who knew, and who could perhaps offer her some advice on how to handle this thorny issue. She was putting a lot of trust in Willow, someone she'd only just met really, but she had no one else to trust, and she thought Willow would respect her privacy and not tell anyone else. Including Spike.

"Will? I kinda have a ... a secret ..."

xxxxxxx

Dinner was a little strained, and Glory didn't miss an opportunity to be perfectly gracious and pleasant to Buffy. Rosemary and John seemed quite happy that their foster daughter was getting on so well with their guest, and didn't see anything past the obvious effort Glory seemed to be making in getting along with Buffy.

Buffy didn't buy it for a second, but she was hemmed in on all sides now, with John and Rosemary looking vigilantly for any sign that Buffy was causing trouble, and Glory making certain that she came off as the calm, friendly, reasonable one. When alone with Buffy, though, Glory got in her digs, tried to rile her up and get her angry and hence in trouble with John. Buffy was outmaneuvered and she knew it. And it pissed her off.

She decided she'd just have to dig deep down inside and pull out those excellent survival skills she'd learned as a child to keep her parents mythology of the perfect home intact. Glory might be a hell bitch with a smooth facade, but she'd met her match in 'perfect child'. Buffy had that part down **cold**. She'd be damned if she was gonna lose this game. 

xxxxxx

_Thursday_

"Where're my beautiful sisters?!" shouted a male voice as the front door slammed shut in the background. "It's the Ghost of Christmas Past, here to haunt you!" he sing-songed merrily.

Buffy came to the top of the stairs to see who had come in, and watched as Rosemary came in from the hallway and wrapped her arms around the man in the foyer. The man in the foyer that Buffy actually knew. She knew this guy.

_Omigod. It's __**Ben**__. Rec Center Ben. Of the kickboxing. And the flirting.  
_  
What were the odds that she'd be spending Christmas with two older guys who'd flirted with her during the year? Astronomical in New York. Not so much in a tiny town like this, apparently. She was beginning to see why people left small towns. A lifetime of this was more than she could imagine. One week was making her crazed.

_Now what?  
_  
Rosemary saw Ben's attention suddenly go to the upstairs landing, and spotted Buffy.

"Buffy! Come on down here and meet my younger brother, Ben," Rosemary called up happily.

As Buffy slowly descended the stairs she met Ben's eyes watching her, and he looked just as astonished as she was.

_God, if he's married too I'm just gonna have to __**move**_she thought exasperatedly.

"Buffy!!" Ben cried and bounded up the stairs to meet her halfway with a quick hug. "Rosemary, you didn't mention you were setting me up with this beautiful girl." Ben was just teasing, but Buffy blushed deeply nonetheless.

"What?" Rosemary was confused. "Buffy is our new foster daughter. You'd better not try to **date** her!" She sternly cautioned him.

"Foster daughter? Buffy?" he looked again at the furiously blushing girl, and backed up a step. "Oh, boy."

"Hi," Buffy gave a little wave with a little smile. "Good to see you again."

"Again?" Rosemary was scowling now. "Ben, what did you do?"

"Me? Nothing!" he assured her as the two made their way down to the bottom of the staircase and stood before Rosemary. "Buffy was in my kickboxing class this last year." he turned to Buffy. "Missed you the last few months. I guess now I know why you disappeared on me." 

"Um, well, no ..." Buffy stumbled over her words. "I just had some other things that were important and didn't have time to keep up with the class after a while. You were a great teacher!" she added sincerely. "I thought you did a good job with it. Do you still work for the rec center?"

Rosemary laughed. "Oh Buffy, he doesn't work 'for' the rec center, he just teaches a couple of classes in his spare time. Ben is an intern at Sunnydale County Hospital." she beamed proudly at her little brother.

Buffy's eyebrows rose. "Really? He never said." 

"And I don't believe you mentioned being only ..." he trailed off.

"Sixteen."

"Oh my God. I was talking up a sixteen year old girl." He shook his head and chuckled. "Thank goodness you never gave me any 'go' signals, or I might've wound up asking you for a date. An illegal date." 

"Yeah, well. Sorry about that." Buffy just had no idea how to handle this situation. She was living the surreal life in earnest now. She was relieved, though, that he mentioned asking her for a date. She was pretty sure that he wouldn't have said that in front of Rosemary if he were already married or engaged or something. At least she didn't **think** so. This family **was** kinda weird.

Ben turned to Rosemary as the three of them walked toward the family room. "Where's Glory? I thought she got in yesterday morning?"

"You know Glory," Rosemary reminded him. "She's still not talking to you. I wouldn't be surprised if she avoided you all the holiday. "You two really need to talk and end this rift."

"Yeah, well. I would but she's impossible when she gets in this kind of snit."

Rosemary remarked to Buffy, "They're twins. And have forever debunked the theory that twins are always close to each other. They haven't talked or even been in the same room together for three years now, all over some stupid misunderstanding."

"She dated my boss and then started dropping little hints about me stealing drugs prescribed to patients. That 'misunderstanding' almost cost me my entire future career. The only reason I didn't crash and burn over that one was that my boss had already seen up close and personal what a bi -- ... um, what a **trickster** she really is." Ben explained with forced cheerfulness.

"You two! You know you **love **her!" Rosemary insisted.

"Not really. Not even a little bit." Ben shook his head, but he was still smiling and winking at Buffy, intimating that he might not be serious. "Now I ask you Buffy, would you forgive someone who did that to you?" Ben raised his eyebrows trying to tease her into taking sides.

"Oh no. Not gonna get caught up in the feudin' families. I have to study. You're on your own." She grabbed an apple, smiled broadly at the siblings, and marched quickly out of the room to head back upstairs.

Ben stared after her as she left the room. Rosemary smacked the back of his head.

"What?"

"Sixteen, you pervert."

"Right," Ben looked again toward the doorway Buffy had disappeared beyond. "Right."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews. They mean a lot to me, and I appreciate the trust you've all put in me for all those long chapters where there was nary a Spike to be seen. Thank you. Hopefully the spuffy will prove worth the wait. I do love that boy. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Forty-Two**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Trust**_

_Thursday_

On the last day of school before the holiday break, Willow walked slowly to her locker, lost in thought. She'd been worrying over the things Buffy had told her yesterday afternoon, and still had no idea what to do. She was so torn. On the one hand, Buffy had confided some extremely personal things, important things, to her yesterday afternoon. And she liked Buffy so much, but the girl had some serious problems that had the potential to really mess up any possible relationship she might have with Spike. On the other hand, Spike was a really good friend, had been for more than two years now, and she didn't feel right keeping these kinds of huge secrets from him. After his mother left him for her new husband, and then Drusilla deceived and cheated on him, he simply could not believe that he would be able to trust any woman again, herself excepted. And these very things that Buffy was hiding from him were the kinds of things that, if he found out about them after he invested in that relationship, could break him to a point from which he'd never recover. He was just **beginning** to trust again; she just couldn't let him be hurt like that, couldn't just stand by while the train that was Buffy's complicated life flattened him in the roadway.

What the heck was she supposed to do now? With dismay she finally decided that there was just one proper answer to the question of which friend she owed her loyalty to: Spike had to take priority over Buffy. There just couldn't be any question about it. But was there some way to remain loyal to Spike without betraying Buffy's confidences? She was a smart girl. Surely there was some way to solve for X without hurting either one of them in the process. If only ...

"Hey, Red," Spike called out to her from across the hall. "Do you have those notes for that history report that's due after break?"

"Hi," she forced a smile and walked over to him as she pulled the sought-after notes out of her backpack.

"Thanks," Spike was looking over the notes she'd handed him, when he suddenly realized that Willow was staring at him with a very pained and thoughtful expression.

"Problem?" he frowned. 

"No, no problem," she said very slowly, then with a change of expression from thoughtful to resolved, she grabbed his arm and forcibly pulled him to an out of the way corner of the hall. 

"Red, what's gotten into you?" he exclaimed as she pulled them as far into the corner as possible. He tilted his head and sought to look her straight in the eyes.

B_uffy's right. The head-tilt thing is really adorable. _Willow sighed. _Here goes._

"Spike, I talked to Buffy about your date Tuesday night."

He stepped back as though someone had punched him.

"Yeah?" he asked, his heart in his stomach.

"Oh! Nothing bad about the date. She really liked the date, she really likes **you**." Willow hurried to reassure him.

"Oo-kay," he breathed out slowly. "There's somethin' wrong, though. What's goin' on?"

"Well, I can't tell you cuz I promised Buffy. And as you know," she quickly defended herself, "I keep my promises."

"Yeah, you do. So what is it that I'm supposed to know that you're not supposed to tell me? Come on, now. What do you know that I should know about her? Because somethin's wrong, and you're upset about it, and that doesn't sound too good for me here."

"Do you really like Buffy, Spike?" Willow demanded.

"What are you on about?" 

"I mean it, Spike. Do you really like her? I mean **really**." She realized she sounded so seventh grade, even to her own ears. _Jeesh._

"Yeah..." he answered guardedly, wondering where she was going with this. 

"**Really**, Spike. Is she someone you could actually call a real girlfriend, someone you aren't just looking to trade in for a new model once you sleep with her or anything?"

She was deadly serious, he could see it in her eyes. What the bloody hell was going on here?

"Yeah, she is. I **really** like her. I want to see if we can build a relationship. And I'm not just tryin' to sleep with her, Willow. She's the one you told me to find that day in the amphitheater. You remember that day?" 

"Yeah, I do," she nodded with a soft smile. She was proud of him. He was finally growing up and past his pain. She turned solemn again.

"Buffy has something to tell you, and it's her place to do that. But when she does, you need to remember that Spike. Think really hard about what you feel right now about her. She's a good person, Spike. She just met us, remember that. She doesn't know us well enough to trust us yet, but she's trusting us anyway. So please, be gentle with her okay?"

"She send you here to 'prepare' me for somethin' I'm not gonna like, somethin' she's lied to me about **already**?"he knew he was being a little curt with her, but he didn't like being lied to, and he didn't like being manipulated.

"No! God Spike, no! Buffy doesn't even know I'm talking to you. She just confided in me yesterday and she has no idea I'm telling you this. But I know she's gonna talk to you -- soon -- and I just want you to be ready to hear her out. I just want you guys to be happy, friends even. Don't throw that away in some knee-jerk reaction about something someone else has done that has nothing to do with her, is all I'm saying."

Spike stared long and hard at Willow, having no idea what she was talking about but not liking it at all. This wasn't anything he wanted to hear, and his first reaction was to be angry. But he'd held back, and let Willow speak her piece. He decided he'd hear Buffy out as well, as long as she came to him soon and came completely clean with whatever the hell she was keeping from him. Because, God help him, he really did like her, and whatever this was, he just hoped it wasn't too bad. He had hoped she could be the one for him, and he didn't want to let go of that hope. Not yet.

xxxxxxx

_Friday_

_Christmas Eve_

Buffy stood nervously upon the doorstep, gathering her courage to ring the bell. Shifting her package from hand to hand, she finally took a deep breath and pushed the button.

Almost immediately, the door swung open to reveal -- Giles.

_Shit.  
_  
"Ms. Summers?" he exclaimed in surprise, and then stood waiting expectantly.

"Hi," Buffy shyly greeted the tall man. "Is ... is Spike home?" _Remember to smile! _She smiled sweetly.

"Erm, yes, I believe he's upstairs in his room," Giles informed her questioningly, then he stood straight up and looked rather startled. "I'm sorry, where are my manners? Would you like to come in, and I'll get him for you." He stepped to the side to let her enter the house.

"Yes, thank you." Buffy followed him inside, and seated herself on the sofa Giles had waved her to.

"You have a beautiful home," she offered sincerely.

Giles nodded briefly, "Yes, well thank you. I've my wife to thank for that. Were it left completely up to me I'm afraid there'd be nothing here but a few easy chairs and a great many stacks of books." He gave a nervous little smile, then took off his glasses and started polishing them distractedly.

"Well, she has very good taste then." Buffy smiled softly, then looked down at the floor, her stomach beginning to churn from nerves. She needed a distraction from her nerves, and she didn't have any glasses to polish, so she reached over and picked up a book that was lying on the cushion next to her. 

"_Moloch the Destroyer: The Origin of Hell_." She gave Giles a questioning look.

"Yes, well," Giles fidgeted nervously and took the book from her hands. "I've an interest in ancient cultures and mythology, religions, things of that sort ... Would you like a drink?" He offered hopefully as he placed the book out of reach.

"Sure, that would be great," she looked toward the stairs. "Will Spike be coming down ...?"

"Ah, yes, sorry," Giles gave another nervous smile and polished more fervently than before. "Let me get you something, then I'll let him know that you're here. We have the usual -- soft drinks, water, tea ..."

"Water is fine. Eight glasses a day!" she tried for chipper but it fell flat.

Giles frowned slightly as he put his glasses back on. "Yes, yes, of course. Eight ... yes." He disappeared into the rear of the home where Buffy assumed the kitchen was.

_Well, __**that **__went well, _she sighed.

Buffy gazed about the living room while she waited. It was a comfortable home, cozy even. This was a living room that was intended to be lived in and not simply for show and for parties. It was like a more affluent version of her home with Faith -- furnished for living comfortably, warm and inviting. And there were books **everywhere**. Not surprising for the home of a librarian, she thought. But still ... this was a whole lotta books. Two large bookcases and books piled up on the end tables, a few on the coffee table, some more on the floor. Lots of books. A Christmas tree stood in one corner, gifts piled high beneath it's homey branches. She decided she really liked this room.

_Aha!  
_  
She stood and walked over to look more closely at the framed photos which sat upon a grand piano. They were clearly family shots, some of Giles and a woman he assumed was his wife, and others of Spike at various ages and locations. Spike was absolutely adorable regardless of his age. She wished she could have known him back then.

"Yes, well ..." Giles suddenly coughed from behind her. Buffy spun around to see Giles standing about three feet away, a cold bottle of water in his hand. She blushed at being caught looking at the photos.

"Sorry," she apologized quickly as she took the proffered bottle. "I just noticed the cute pictures of Spike at different ages and couldn't help coming over here to take a peek."

"Certainly, quite understandable," Giles hemmed nervously. "That's what they're there for, then, aren't they?" He took his glasses off again and polished some more. "I'll just go get William for you now."

He disappeared quickly up the stairs in search of his nephew.

Buffy sat back down where Giles had first settled her, too nervous to drink now that she knew Spike's arrival was imminent.

"There you are, luv," came a low rumbly voice from the direction of the stairs.

She rose up and turned to face him. He looked all yummy with his hair in tousled curls, wearing nothing but blue jeans and a black 'Ramones' t-shirt, adorable sock-clad feet. He was the very picture of 'relaxed-at-home'. She wanted to keep that picture of him in her memory forever. So adorable.

They'd talked on the phone the Wednesday after their date, and they had both agreed that she would come over for a while the afternoon of Christmas Eve. Still, she was very nervous about coming here. Knowing that she needed to talk to him about things had her all keyed up.

"Hi," she breathed out with a little smile.

In a few strides he was before her, taking her hand and giving her a soft chaste kiss upon the lips in greeting. She closed her eyes.

_Oh, yeah. That's ... good, _she melted. Opening her eyes to gaze up at him, she smiled and saw that he was smiling gently at her also.

"Would you like to stay here or go to the back yard? It's a beautiful day, and the garden is my uncle's pride and joy."

"Um, well ... I just ... Yes, I'd love to go sit in the garden, but first ... I have something for you." she turned back to the sofa and picked up the little comics-wrapped gift she'd brought for him. "It's not much," she shook her head in embarrassment as she handed him the small present. "I didn't have much money this year, but I saw it and thought of you."

Spike gave one of his slow grins, and took the gift from her hands. "Why, thank you, luv. This is very sweet. I'm sure whatever it is I'll like it very much."

He walked to the tree and put the gift beneath it, and picked one up of his own. "Here we are," he walked back and handed her the present. "I'm glad I have a chance to give it you before tomorrow."

Buffy took the present from his hands and took a quick look at it before raising her eyes to smile gratefully at him. The gift was in a small flat rectangular box, wrapped in red foil paper, and she couldn't imagine what it would be. Her curiosity was seriously piqued, but she had to hold off. They'd agreed to wait and open the gifts on Christmas Day itself, no peeking, no cheating. She was as excited as a little kid, and hated that they'd agreed to wait. But she'd promised, so she'd be good. 

"Well, let's go out back, shall we?" He held his hand out to her.

"Lead on," she nodded as she took his hand and followed him to the back yard.

xxxxxx

"It is a beautiful garden, Spike. Your aunt and uncle must really have green thumbs." Buffy settled back into a wrought iron chair situated at the patio table. Spike took his own seat next to her. 

She was nervous, it was coming off her in waves, and Spike was quite nervous himself now that Willow had warned him of this impending ... Conversation? Confession?

Buffy played with the cap on her water bottle and fidgeted nervously. She really didn't want to have this conversation with Spike, the conversation that had the potential to make the only good thing that had happened to her in these last two weeks collapse in ruin around her. She wished she could pretend for just a while longer that they were a normal teenage couple, learning to get to know each other, to possibly go to the junior prom next year, to do couple-y things together ... But that wasn't them, and she had to be honest and brave and come out with it. Pretending would only make any negative reaction that much harder to bear. If they were only older, she thought, it might have a better chance. But he was seventeen, and he'd already said how he felt about having kids. And she thought he was bound to be upset about that whole 'virgin' thing. She should never have lied about that.

"Pet, you're worryin' that bottle and acting all nervy and strange, and it's makin' me nervous now. If there's somethin' on your mind, please, for both our sakes, just out with it. Please, luv, just say it." He smiled in what he hoped was gentle understanding, and nodded her on to it.

"Right. Um ... remember when we played three things the other night?" she looked hopefully at him.

Spike frowned. "Yeah?"

"Well, I have three things to tell you, and it's really important that you don't tell anyone else these things. I have to be sure you won't tell anybody. **Please, **Spike."

She looked so forlorn, he began to be frightened for her, for them. "All right, luv, you have my word. Not a soul will hear these three things from me."

"Thank you." Buffy nodded, putting the water bottle down and straightening in her seat. "Three things." She paused. "But let me get all three out before you say anything, or ask questions, okay? Just let me get them out first?"

Spike frowned as he nodded his agreement to the terms. _This is not goin' to be good._

"Three things ... well ... First," Buffy started softly. "I told you the other night that I was a virgin. That's not **completely** true." She watched Spike to see if he had any reaction to that piece of news. Aside from sitting back in his chair, he showed no reaction whatsoever.

_Is no reaction good or bad or just doing what I asked him? _she worried, then hurried on.

"I mean I am a virgin ... Sort of." She watched Spike's eyebrows rise in question, and she quickly went on to explain. "Except for the whole having sex part of it." Spike was looking away and frowning now, and she realized that she was letting her nervousness mess up how she was telling him this and he was getting upset. She had to calm down and just tell him.

"Anyway, um, the second thing is ... the reason I'm not a virgin but I told you that I am, is because I don't have any **memory** of actually having **had** sex. Nothing at all. So, even though I'm not **technically** a virgin, I am really a virgin, in the ways that really count ... I think. I mean, I really don't remember being with anyone, so I don't know what it's like, or what to expect or anything. Which is why I told you I was ... Even though I guess **technically **I'm ... I'm not." She looked hopefully at him, wondering if he could understand what she was saying without actually saying it. The way he shook his head and was frowning made her think perhaps he wasn't getting where she was going with this. Right then. More explaining, less babbling would be good now. She stared at her water bottle again, and continued her confession.

"Um, okay. I understand why that wouldn't make any sense to you, but ... well ... the **reason** I don't remember is ... is because when I was a freshman, I went with a friend to a frat party at NYU -- and yeah, I know, stupid squared -- but she got called home and I decided to stay and there were these guys and they put something in my drink, and the best I could piece together after was that these three guys ... you know ... while I was out of it. But I don't remember anything about it happening, though." 

She poured that out all in one breath, then looked up again to see whether she could tell how he was taking this. She saw that he was looking at her very seriously now.

"I know you said no interruptin', but I'm puzzled. If you don't remember anythin' how do you know ... I mean was it ... never mind, that's a stupid question. Go on." Spike shook his head and looked away again, seeming very uncomfortable at this point in her tale. She wished she could tell what he was really thinking, but his face was so closed. 

"Well, um, here's the third thing," Buffy paused a moment, gathering her courage. "See, the reason I'm telling you this now, so soon and all, is that I got ... pregnant." She didn't look up this time. She didn't want to see the look on his face this time. She prayed for some sound or word to let her know how he was reacting, but she just couldn't look at him. She just couldn't.

"Say again? You were **pregnant? **From those three guys ..." Spike's head was spinning. God, he wasn't expecting anything like this. "So you had your own pregnancy scare then, didn't you?" He'd been looking down at his hands in his lap, but when she didn't say anything else he raised his eyes to see her watching him closely.

She was looking him squarely in the eye, and as she stared at him, saying nothing, suddenly he knew. And she could tell the very second that he knew. It felt like the very air had been sucked away from the place where they were seated.

"Bloody hell," he breathed out in shock. He stood up and started pacing the length of the patio. "Bloody buggerin' fuck!" He spun around to face her. "Are you tellin' me there's a baby somewhere, that you're someone's bleedin' **mother**?!" 

Okay, this was not the reaction she had hoped for. She nodded numbly and watched as he continued to pace and run his fingers through his hair, saying nothing more to her. He was obviously extremely upset by her admission. No, this wasn't what she'd wanted to happen. She had hoped ...

"Spike?" she cried miserably, trying to get his attention, trying to get him to sit back down and talk to her. But he just turned and stared at her with that same frown, shaking his head and then continuing to pace again. 

Although at first she was stricken that he was reacting badly to the news of her having a baby, she suddenly realized that he hadn't reacted at all to her revelation that she'd been drugged and gang-raped at a party. Surely **that** was the really bad news, right? The truly upsetting thing? That horrible thing that had happened to her. His only concern seemed to be that he had been attracted to a girl who had a baby, and that's what really mattered to him, the thing that really affected **him**. 

Now **she** was angry, and she stood to give him a piece of her mind. Who was he that he could just calmly sit there and accept her **rape** but grow **outraged** at her having a baby? And as she stood there, looking at the anger on his beautiful face, her heart both broke and hardened. It was either sob or swear, and she wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"You know what, just go to hell!" she spat at him and ran from the patio back into the house. "Son of a bitch!" she swore under her breath as she fled.

Spike was startled by her outburst, and stopped pacing. He just stood there stupidly for a minute, trying to get a handle on his anger, and strangely surprised by hers. Truth be known, he was as shocked by his anger as she seemed to have been, and he realized that he'd better rein it in quickly so he could go inside and talk to her more calmly about all of this. 

This was just a lot for him to take in all at once, and he didn't know what he felt about any of it right now. He was at war within himself. On the one side, she'd lied to him about being a virgin when she didn't even need to, and that was upsetting. He hated being lied to, and that she had done so on their very first date worried him. On the other side, she'd been traumatized by a horrible experience and he could understand why she'd be reluctant to admit it to him. But he knew that at least part of his anger was that she was telling him that she had actually been pregnant, and not only that but had actually had the baby. A baby who was out there somewhere, left by his mother.

But he had to quit thinking that way. Buffy wasn't a married woman abandoning her child for a new lover, she was a teenager who had been raped, who had every reason to terminate but didn't, and then gave birth and let her child go to people who presumably could love the child more than she would be able to do. And that **wasn't** the same thing as what his parents had done to him. That was nothing like it at all, and his vow to never do such a thing to his own child? Well that wasn't his child, it was hers, and she couldn't have been expected to start a family as a young teenager, raped by strangers.

Calmer now, his gaze fell on the present he'd given her, still sitting on the patio table. He grabbed it as he pulled himself together, and walked back into the house to talk to her properly about everything she'd revealed to him today. Once they could talk about this calmly, he was sure they could get beyond it. When he reached the living room, he didn't see her anywhere.

Giles was straightening up the various piles of books in the living room as Spike came inside. With a book in hand, he stopped organizing when he saw Spike stop short and look about him.

"She's gone," he said simply, and went back to shelving books.

"Gone?" Spike didn't understand. "Gone into the bathroom?"

"No," Giles explained patiently. "She's **gone**. From the house. She ran out of here like a bat out of hell." He frowned at his nephew. "What on earth did you say to the girl?"

Spike was suddenly cold. What exactly **did** he say to her in his anger and confusion? He went back over it all in his mind and groaned.

"I mucked this up right and proper. She'll prob'ly never speak to me again." he breathed dejectedly. "Son of a bitch is right."

"She told you?"

"What?" Spike turned to his uncle with a scowl. "Did you **know** what she had to tell me?"

"I'm afraid so, son. I'm sorry. It's why I said I didn't think she was a proper girl for you. Really, William, I have only your best interests at heart." He smiled kindly upon his nephew, hoping that the boy could see this for himself. "A girl such as that --"

"You thought I'd **drop** her over this?!" Spike bit out angrily. "Well, you were **wrong**." He bounded up the stairs three at a time, to dress so he could go out and find Buffy and convince her not to hate him now.

He had to find the girl and see if she'd have anything to do with him again. He'd really done it this time.

xxxxxxxxx

Although Spike's first instinct was to get in his car and drive the streets, looking to see if he could intercept Buffy as she walked back home, the girl in question had headed in an entirely different direction, hugging her arms around herself, trying very hard not to cry, and failing miserably.

She had no direction in mind at first, but soon found herself wending her way back toward the poorer section of Sunnydale, toward her first home in the town. It would be dark in about two hours, and she thought she could be home in time for Christmas Eve dinner at her house and still accomplish her errand. 

When she reached the bar, she stood across the street and just stared at it for a few minutes, remembering the day Faith first drove up to the old building, and how shocked she was to see the kind of place she would now be living in. But before she knew it, the crappy apartment felt like home, and with the addition of Fred to their little family, she was happy here. Faith had been here. Fred had been here. **Katie** had been here. Her Katie ...

New tears sprang up, and she pushed them back down, wiping her eyes with the back of her sweater sleeve. She needed to pull herself together and do what she'd come here to do. With a firm resolve she walked across the street and into the front door of the bar.

As she entered the darkened room, some patrons looked up to watch her approach the bar. If she'd been paying any kind of attention, she would have noticed the obvious lust in the eyes of those men. But she had one goal in mind, and that was asking her question and then getting the hell out of there.

She was dismayed to see that Mr. Kralik wasn't tending this afternoon, but instead Zack was behind the bar. With a resigned sigh, she walked up to him and said hello.

Zack stared at her for a moment, then quietly responded, "Hey."

"Um, I just came by to see if there were any phone calls for me, or any mail that came? For me or Faith."

Zack stared at her a moment, then nodded. Turning, he opened a cabinet behind him and pulled out a small stack of envelopes held together by an old rubber band. 

"Here." He didn't smile or offer any other words to her, just gave her the stack and started cleaning glasses again.

"Thanks." Buffy said quietly, and then walked quickly out of the bar. Out of the corner of her eye she could see a man rise and start to follow her, but then something completely unexpected happened. Another man quickly sprang out of no where and grabbed the first man by the arm, and, holding him back, prevented him from continuing to follow her down the sidewalk.

Buffy stood still a moment, just staring at the strange tableau before her. Then she smiled and nodded gratefully at her rescuer, and ran to board the bus that had just arrived and would take her closer to her home.

Zack nodded back, and kept hold of the creepy man until he saw that Buffy's bus had pulled safely away.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author's Note: Once again you awe me with your reviews. Thank you all so much. This chapter is in two parts because it's just too long for one. I did want to point out the timeline here, as in a story as long as this, posted in chapters over time, it's easy to think more time has passed than has actually done.

Saturday, Dec 11th the police came.  
Monday, Dec 13th was the trial  
Thursday, Dec 16th she met Giles etc at school  
Saturday, Dec 18th she visited Katie and went to the Bronze  
Monday, Dec 20th was the first drug meeting  
Tuesday, Dec 21st was her first date  
Wednesday, Dec 22nd she talked to Willow  
Thursday, Dec 23rd Willow talked to Spike  
Friday, Dec 24th she talked to Spike  
Saturday, Dec 25th is -- now

So as you can see it hasn't been long at all. Just something to keep in mind when reading. Thanks again for your wonderful support.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Forty-Three**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Christmas Tales, Part One**_

_Saturday_

_Christmas Day_

The roast beef was perfection, the potatoes, the oysters, the carrots -- all beautifully presented within their special serving dishes, and each guaranteed to be as tasty as it was inviting to the eye. She had outdone herself this year, and as she ladled the gravy into it's special boat, she felt proud that she was able to play hostess again for her family on Christmas Day.

_Belch...Ahhh...  
_  
Well, most of them, anyway.

Joyce grimaced and turned to see Darlene's latest husband rummaging around in her refrigerator for a beer. She scowled at his back. He'd been told several times that there was no beer in the house, but he kept returning to the refrigerator for one in the apparent belief that if you wished something to be true often enough it might magically appear before your very eyes.

Carl straightened up and shut the door with a sigh, turning to see Joyce frowning in his direction. "Well, it **is** Christmas," he offered by way of explanation, his gravelly voice showing just a hint of humor. "Jesus turned the water into wine, am I right?" He winked at her and ambled off in the direction of the powder room.

She just shook her head. What was her sister thinking with this one?

xxxxx

"This is a lovely meal, Joyce." Hank pronounced from the head of the table, toasting her with his water goblet. The others present raised their goblets also, and she smiled proudly as she gazed at her family seated around the table. Now _this_ was a holiday.

"And a toast to my poor Faithie, wherever she is, that she has a good Christmas too," Darlene added.

Hank shifted his gaze back over to Joyce.

"Well, if 'Faithie' had just kept her nose out of other people's business, we might have Buffy here with us this year also," Joyce declared under her breath with a brittle smile.

"Uh, how about that roast? You wanna cut me off a thick slice there, Hank? I been smellin' that for hours." Carl interposed, leaning forward with his elbows on the table, hoping to distract the ladies from confrontation.

"Well, if you hadn't practically thrown Buffy to the lions she wouldn't have needed to call Faith and ask for her help in the first place." Darlene threw back at her sister as she dished out some potatoes onto her plate.

"Here you go, Carl," Hank passed the plate back to his brother-in-law. "Dawn, honey, hand me your plate."

Dawn passed her plate down and slumped in her seat, already fed up with this whole family Christmas crap.

"I did no such thing. The adoption was all set to go forward, Buffy had agreed to do it, and then **Faith** steps in and suddenly my little girl is three thousand miles away living in some dump with a stripper ... Rolls Hank?" she turned toward her husband and passed him the bread basket.

"You know I don't usually go for carrots, but these are mighty tasty, Joyce," Carl complimented around a mouthful of the vegetables. 

"Oh, get off it. Buffy wasn't okay with any adoption or she wouldn't have run away with the kid in the first place. Faithie just gave her a home when you wouldn't, is all --"

Darlene handed her plate down to Hank, and Carl tried to pass the carrots over to Dawn, who just ignored him.

"Buffy **had** a home, Darlene," Joyce bit out, the strained smile still firmly in place. "If Faith hadn't 'helped' her, she'd have realized she needed to do what needed to be done, and she'd be home and happy instead of winding up in some jail in California."

Dawn was so sick of the Buffy/Faith drama. At least **she** hadn't gotten pregnant at fifteen. You'd think they'd be **thrilled** about that, but she may as well be **invisible**. 

"May I please be excused?" Dawn started to get up. Hank motioned her back down, so she sat in a huff once more, not touching her food.

"She was in jail for a coupla nights, big deal," Darlene's voice was rising. "She's in a nice foster home, all snug and safe. And I won't even mention the fact that she _asked_ to come home and you wouldn't let her. So who's to blame here, really, **Joyce**?"

"Janice invited me over to their house for dinner, and I said I'd go," Dawn said to no one in particular.

As the argument was getting louder and showing no signs of calming down soon, Hank reluctantly nodded at Dawn. "Be back by eight, Dawnie."

The teen was out the front door in a heartbeat, and Joyce looked at Hank in shock. "Why did you tell her she could leave? It's Christmas dinner!" Her anger was now aimed in his direction.

Hank stood and quietly announced, "I'm not feeling particularly hungry right now, either." And he left the table and disappeared into his home office.

Joyce stared after him in shock, then back to Darlene. "Do you see what you've done?!"

"I see a hurt and angry woman who can't accept any blame for her own mistakes," Darlene rose and threw her napkin down on her plate. "You'd better learn, Joyce, that good food and a beautiful house do not make a happy family."

"And you'd know that how?" Joyce rose as well.

"Keep it up, Joycie, and **no one **will be left." Darlene walked out of the dining room in search of her coat and purse.

Carl looked up from his plate, stared a moment at Joyce, and sighed heavily. "I guess that's my cue." He rose with a groan and grabbed a couple of rolls and held them up in Joyce's direction. "Excellent food, Joyce."

Carl took his coat, picked up the sack of their opened presents, and he and Darlene walked out together, shutting the front door softly behind them. Joyce just sat back down and stared at her lovely dinner, ruined. She sat there, alone, for a long time.

xxxxxxx

She'd thought Christmas in Southern California was weird. That had **nothin'** on south of the equator, where it was full on summer now. Twinkly lights strung on palm trees and ninety degree weather was just all wrong. She took another swig of her beer, leaning against the railing on the lanai, watching the waves lap gently along the beach.

"Hey baby," Robin rumbled as he came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey."

"Merry Christmas." He kissed her ear, adding with a whisper, "My girl's been very good this year. Come inside and see what Santa left ..."

She shrugged, the novelty and excitement of life on the run with Robin having worn off quickly. She didn't want to go inside, to open presents, to _be_ here at all. She was awash in guilt over leaving Buffy to clean up her mess in Sunnydale, regretting it almost as soon as the decision had been made to flee. It had only been two weeks and she was drinking more and more just to stay numb enough to pretend to be happy. Happy for Robin, happy for herself, happy for their new life in paradise. Happy together. Yeah.

She turned around in his arms and graced him with a wide smile, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Merry Christmas," she kissed him lightly. "Show me what you've got."

He grinned broadly, cupping his hands under her ass and lifting her up in his arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist automatically, and he leaned his forehead down onto hers and groaned. He carried his Faith inside their bungalow, and began to show her exactly what Santa had in mind for good little girls ...

He never once noticed the sadness behind Faith's eyes.

xxxxxxx

She sat there, wide-eyed, watching the little boy **zoom zoom** around and around her playpen, arms wide, making airplane noises and trampling on anything in his path. Around and around she followed him with her eyes, fascinated by the little boy and his strange noises. A red rubbery ball came flying out of the air and landed inside her pen, catching her immediate attention, and prompting her to crawl over and try to pick it up with small fat baby fingers. It was too wide, however, and she couldn't get purchase on it. The older boy raced up and snatched it back, making funny faces at her and calling her baby names that she didn't really understand. The boys were loud and moved too quickly and scared her sometimes, but she liked how they made funny faces and called her sweet names and always helped her stand up when she fell down. She really liked playing with the boys.

She stood up and decided it was time to attempt another break for it, lifting her leg up almost to the top of the pen and trying with all her might to lift herself up and over the side. But she just wasn't tall enough, and finally gave up and sat back down. Reaching beside her, she picked up her toy dolly and started chewing on it's foot, then banged it on the floor of the playpen for a minute, then chewed on it some more ...

Life was, all in all, kinda boring here. She missed her mommy. Her mommy was fun, and laughed, and played with her, and took her for walks, and always always blew raspberries on her tummy when she changed her diaper. Her mommy slept in the same room with her, so she was never lonely-alone in a big room all by herself, with no one breathing softly nearby. Bedtime was so lonely here ...

"There's my girl!" the big man came up and without any warning picked her up with both his large hands and tossed her into the air, catching her safely each time but each time she was always so startled by the suddenness of the movement that she didn't really enjoy the ride. She wished he wouldn't do that, but it made him laugh and she liked it when people laughed. She liked their laughing faces and the sounds they made when they did that.

This time he didn't put her back down, though, but she found herself being carried to the big table in the special room, the room with all the things that were 'no' to touch. She wasn't supposed to be in that room on her own, because of all the 'no touching' things there. But this time the table was covered with food and there were lots of people she didn't know all sitting around it and the big man with the large hands put her in her high chair and buckled her in so she couldn't climb out like she did that first day when she hit her head. She cried then, and after that there was always the buckling in. 'Safe and sound', he always said, every time as the buckle snapped shut. 'Safe and sound'.

"Safe and sound," he smiled as he patted her head and sat down in a seat nearby.

"Corrine, she's just precious," a gray haired lady gushed from her right.

"Yes, she really is. I don't know how you got her so quickly. I thought adopting white babies took forever here. What secret rituals did you do to get her so fast like that?" the red-haired lady laughed. She thought the red-haired lady was funny, and had a funny laugh. She pounded on her tray and laughed too, when the red-haired lady laughed that funny laugh.

"Well, she's not ours to adopt yet," said the tall lady who kept calling herself 'mommy'. But that wasn't right because she wasn't her mommy. "We're just taking her as a foster child for now, but the social worker said it was as good as done that we'd be able to adopt her by the end of the year. The mother is just a little high school girl who is in trouble with the law or something, drugs and guns I think it was, and there's just no way a judge would hand this little thing back to her." She looked over at the tall lady, who was talking really fast like she always did, and she pounded her tray some more until the big man's large hands put some cooked carrots on her tray. Carrots were yummy. She liked to eat carrots.

"My goodness, guns and drugs," another lady said from the other side of the table. "That's just terrible, just terrible. What are they thinking, even considering giving her back this little lamb?"

"Well, it's called a dual plan. They have to go through the motions of getting the natural mother into some kind of shape to get the baby back, but since it's not good for babies to be left in limbo for so long they place the baby in a foster home where the parents are ready to adopt the baby as soon as the judge terminates the mother's parental rights. That way the baby is already in her permanent home, and there's less trauma for the poor little thing since they don't have to move her again." The tall lady always used a lot of words whenever she talked. "The law says they only have a year or so to get it settled, or the judge will have to terminate the parental rights, so the baby can go to a permanent good home as soon as possible." The tall lady talked a lot to other people, but not a lot to her, and there were always big words, too.

The large man handed her half of a roll, which she decided looked good to chew on. She'd already made a pretty mush of her carrots, but they weren't looking as good to eat now. The roll looked good though.

"The social worker said they have to work with the mother and try to get her the baby back, and she has to have visitation and everything, but Pat -- the social worker -- she doesn't think there should be any problem and that Kathy is practically ours. Just the formalities left now."

"To a smooth adoption, and to our newest family member, Kathy." the large man said, holding his glass up high. The other people did the same.

She just chewed on her roll and pounded some more. The people at the table all laughed, so she laughed too. And when the big man turned in his chair and smiled at her, she smiled right back.

She liked him. 

xxxxxxx

Buffy woke up Christmas morning, not feeling the spirit of the day at all, but knowing that she was going to have to fake it in order to keep the foster family happy and deal with her own personal hellgod, Glory. _God I hate her._

On the bus yesterday, she had searched the little stack of mail Zack gave her and was disappointed to find only junk mail and bills. Nothing from Fred yet. She thought that was strange, it being Christmas and all, at least a card would have arrived. She didn't go in for paranoia much, but the thought occurred to her that their private mail might have been intercepted by one of the police agencies still working on the drug case and who were still searching for Faith and Robin. The more she thought about it the more that seemed likely. She decided she'd find Lorne or Gunn next week and ask them about it. Even if they had her personal mail and couldn't give it to her, perhaps they would at least give her Fred's address and phone number. At least that much. Buffy had no other way to find Fred, and Texas was huge. She'd never find them unless Fred wrote and told her how to get in touch with her.

She prayed fervently that Fred had written, would write. She missed her a god awful bunch right now.

When she had trudged dejectedly into the front door at dusk yesterday, Glory was waiting for her in the dining room, like a spider pouncing on a fly who had wandered innocently into her web. An over-bleached blonde slutty spider, grinning with some secret hurt, just waiting her time to deliver the blow. _God I hate her._

While Buffy had been across town in search of her mail, Spike had shown up at her doorstep and been confronted with Glory. Glory had relayed back to Buffy the message that Spike was looking for her and left a 'sad little present' for her to place under the tree. Glory had also mentioned that Spike was an 'interesting' boy and although a little young for her, she'd take him for a spin when Buffy was finished with him. 'Oh, wait,' she'd smiled wickedly, 'I think it was the other way around; **he** is done with **you**. Isn't that right?' She had tossed the present to her and laughed, headed back to the kitchen to help Rosemary bring in dishes for the special Christmas Eve dinner they were all having.

Buffy had almost broken down right there in the foyer, but managed to keep control on her emotions long enough to lock herself in her room for a good cry. She had contemplated telling them she wasn't hungry, but since it was a special holiday meal she knew she had to appear and act happy. She wasn't going to let Glory win the battle, reducing her to tears and to locking herself in her room in a teenage angsty snit. She had to show them all she was mature and gracious and more than anything **grateful** for their hospitality in taking her in.

She groaned and got out of bed. Lather, rinse, repeat, dress to kill. It was Christmas morning. She heard Glory's laughter trilling from across the hallway. _God, I hate her.  
_

xxxxxx

In this house, no presents were opened until all the guests arrived around twelve o'clock. Buffy was assured that presents would be opened, conversation made, and then Christmas dinner would be served around one-thirty, with more conversation, dessert at three or so, and then anyone remaining was invited for leftovers at six. It was heading out to be a long day.

At eleven forty-five everyone who was coming had arrived. Buffy was introduced to the fourth sibling in Rosemary's family, the youngest one, named, weirdly enough, Harmony. Harmony and Glory shared more than just bleached blonde hair and attribute names from their mother. They both also seemed to be a little hateful and tactless. Glory was clearly the more developed hateful bitch, but Harmony was still young and had a lot of growing in that direction yet to do. Buffy mused that the two siblings with regular names seemed to be the more pleasant and normal, and the two with the attribute names were evil bitches. Made her glad she'd given Katie a regular name.

At any rate, Harmony had talked to her just long enough to decide that she was beneath her and that no further attempts at friendship would be necessary. Buffy was dismayed to learn that Harmony was her age and in her high school, so she'd be seeing a lot of the girl from now on. The upside was that Harmony was so dismissive of her that Buffy thought she might at least be able to stay far away from her. Having Harmony **like **you seemed the worse option to Buffy at this point.

The other guests, besides the senior Kendalls who had arrived with Harmony, included a geeky middle-aged man named David Nesbitt, who apparently owned his own computer software company and was filthy rich. He seemed like a nice enough man, but very shy. He was a friend of John's and didn't seem to fit in well with the rest of the guests here. His extreme wealth kept them all polite to him, however, and his wealth did seem to be a big hit with both Harmony and Glory. She knew it wasn't his good looks or scintillating conversational style, that's for sure, and his 'niceness' was actually a turn off for those two, Buffy was certain.

The other new guest was a tall slim African-American woman named 'Jasmine', who was introduced as a 'friend of the family' and Rosemary's 'spiritual advisor' and 'healer'. Right. She seemed nice enough, but Buffy thought the whole idea was too flaky for words. Although, if truth be known, she thought that Rosemary, indeed the entire family, could do with some spiritual advice and healing. She didn't think Jasmine had the moves to accomplish that, however. This family was hugely messed up, and it would take more power than this woman had to fix them.

Ben would not be joining them today, and he did not appear at dinner last night, due to his shifts at the hospital. Glory seemed especially pleased to hear it.

They were all gathered around the tree now, and John was being Santa Claus and distributing the gifts. Most of the gifts were large and expensive and wrapped to suit them. All but hers. Since she didn't know most of these people she had only gotten gifts for Rosemary and John, and a little candy box each for Glory and Ben at the last minute. She had not been told about the other Kendalls, David, or Jasmine, so she had nothing for them. And of course, they had nothing for her.

Harmony sat surrounded by her beautiful gifts, having opened them all quickly and commented crassly on their worth even while the givers were sitting right there. Glory, being older, made more subtle dismissive comments regarding her gifts. Harmony had a lot to learn yet about putting people down successfully, and Buffy thought she should be taking notes from her older sister, who was obviously a pro.

Buffy didn't care that Harmony and Glory made fun of her wrapping paper, or that Glory tossed aside the small box of chocolates as being 'milk chocolate' which wasn't to her 'tastes'. _God I hate her. _She was happy that Rosemary and John appreciated her small gift and for her part she loved the new purse they put under the tree for her. The last present John handed out was the red-foil-wrapped box that Spike had left the night before. Buffy was reluctant to open it, being her relationship with Spike was over at the moment. But the others watched her expectantly so she tore off the paper and opened the box, which contained a beautiful five by seven inch silver photo frame. He had placed a photo of himself posed laughingly at the pier, with Willow, Xander, and Oz -- well, Oz wasn't laughing, he had this whole 'not smiling' smile thing down cold -- a photo obviously taken this last summer. It was a beautiful picture of her new friends, and she loved it immediately. Spike knew how to give good gift, she mused with a small smile.

There was a lot of day left to get through, and she was going to have to talk to Spike at some time today since he'd made the effort to hunt her down and give her this present. He might not want her as a girlfriend, under the circumstances, but he was making an effort to apologize and be a friend, and if that was all she was permitted, then that is what she would take. As long as his apology came with the right amount of groveling, of course. She was hurt, and she wasn't letting him off that easily.

"Ew, what a tacky little present," Harmony looked over her shoulder and sniffed. "Who's it from?"

"It's perfect," Buffy shook her head and smiled, choosing to ignore Harmony's rudeness. "It's from Spike."

"Blondie Bear!?" she screeched in her ear.

Buffy had no idea what she was going on about, but she nodded anyway as she gazed at the picture in her hands. "Yep, that'd be the one."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author's Note: Okay, this author's note is longer than some people's posted chapters, and I apologize.

First, as gratifying as it is to me to be able to completely freak you out, and as much as I NEVER tell readers what is going to happen in advance, I **am** going to put aside that policy in order to put some of you out of your misery. I want to just state for the record that Katie's current foster family is a good home and they are not going to hurt her. I don't want any of you becoming upset or reading into anything I write with the result that you are afraid for her current situation. Aside from the fact that being away from her mom is upsetting, she is okay.

Second, there have been a lot of comments in the reviews about Pat placing Katie in her foster home, with parents who want to adopt her, and how terrible that is, and how Pat is deluded if she thinks Katie is going to be given to these other people, and how dare they, etc. Now, Pat has shown that her sympathies pretty much lie entirely with the baby and the foster / adoptive parents, to the possible detriment of the birth mother. That is true; I wrote her that way. But she is not making up the things she is doing, she is doing her job. I agree that Pat is being too optimistic in her assurances to the foster parents (or they are, in their need to believe, interpreting her words too optimistically) but _legally_, placing Katie in a dual track plan like this is pretty much the way it's done. The way it has to be done.

The reason is exactly what the foster mother said -- children need to get in good stable homes sooner rather than later, and if the child is already in a home that is set to adopt him/her, then that is the least psychologically damaging thing that can be done under the circumstances. This is more true of children under age three than any others, because of certain developmental growth steps they make during those years that, if handled poorly, can never be fixed again. That's it, door is pretty much closed. So it's horribly important to create as little upheaval during the baby's first years as possible, and that means there should be a stable, consistent parent / caretaker. Moving the baby back and forth between parents and multiple foster and adoptive families is dangerous psychologically. Babies need to form a bond, and if they fail to do so successfully between certain early ages, they will never be able to do so again. It affects them forever.

In recent years laws have been put in place that say that children should be left in stable foster care homes when such homes exist, and that if parents cannot be brought to a condition where they are fit to have their children back within a year, eighteen months tops, then they don't get to keep on trying any longer, they've had their chance, failed, and the state can give the children to people who are **immediately** able to care for them and love them. They will often let relatives keep children longer under kinship foster care, but stranger foster care operates under tight deadlines, especially where babies are concerned. The whole process has been dramatically speeded up.

So that's what is happening to Katie and Buffy, they are on a dual track. People in their situation are almost always placed on a dual track, that's the law. Pat is working on one track, on getting Katie established in a loving adoptive home as a foster child, so that if Buffy's parental rights are terminated by the judge, the baby won't be any further traumatized by being given away to even more people than have already been her caretakers. And Buffy herself is on the other track, working with Tanya on a reunification plan that must be completed timely and they are working to get her daughter released back into her custody. In the context of this story we know she belongs with Buffy. In real life these things are not so easily discerned by all parties. I'm sure you can see that. When you read in the news that some parent has been accused of hurting a child or exposing a child to harm, how many of you immediately assume it is true, or that there's not any smoke without a fire, that kind of thing? And how many, if you heard that the charges were lessened to more minor infractions, would still think the parent guilty but had cut a deal for a lesser charge? The difference here in this story is that you can see all the sides and parts and are on Buffy's side. In real life, you don't have all this information or a bias toward the parent that comes from seeing them so intimately like in a work of fiction.

As far as the 'guns and drugs' reference that keeps getting play when Buffy's situation is discussed, that is pretty much the fault of the original charges Buffy faced, and which were dismissed. As happens in real life, the world hears about the thing you are charged with and either fails to notice the correction or doesn't believe in the correction. And that happens to people in criminal law all the time. Sometimes it's because they are innocent, and sometimes it's because they plea bargained a lesser charge even though they were guilty of the original worse crime. So, it's easy to see why people would think Buffy was actually doing the drugs and guns thing, because that was the initial charge against her. And I differentiate this assumption from the one Snyder was given, which went further and completely melded Faith's case with Buffy's resulting in her being portrayed as the actual drug dealer, as the stripper, and as having hidden drugs and weapons in the toy, etc. That is a mistake/purposeful deception made by someone up the chain and passed down to people like Snyder, who passed it on to Giles, who is also not evil or stupid, but acting on assumptions that he has been told are facts.

Anyway, I hope that explains this properly and gives you some context to read within the story. And now on to part two of 'Christmas Tales'.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Forty-Four**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Christmas Tales, Part Two**_

_Christmas Morning_

"Oh, for the love of --" Giles threw down the oven mitt he was using to pull a tray of sweet rolls from the oven. "William!!!" he shouted over the din in the living room.

"I don't think he can hear you, Rupert," his wife teased him with a smile.

"I asked him to put on some Christmas music. A little **background music **while we ate our breakfast. And he's ... he's ... put on that awful record!"

"That **is** Christmas music, dear," she laughed as she sashayed away to stir the eggs on the stovetop.

"Oh **really!?**"he mocked her sarcastically. "And what pray tell would that 'Christmas' song be exactly?" He stood there, hands on hips, righteous in his rightness.

She thought he was adorable when he did that. "That, my dear husband, is _Santa's Creepy Secret_ by Orgy. See? Santa's even in the **title**." she smiled sweetly at him and turned back to the eggs once more. She sang along with the ending verse,

_so be careful whose lap you sit upon  
you just might turn Kris Kringle on  
_  
And then laughed when she saw the expression on her husband's face. The music was bad enough, but it was the lyrics that did him in. _Awww.  
_  
As he carefully placed the hot sweet rolls into the serving basket, Giles began sputtering and mumbling about that not being the kind of music he had in mind for Christmas breakfast and you'd think some people would at least **pretend** to civilized behavior on one **bleeding** holiday in the year ... and on and on, with 'wankers' this and 'buggerin'' that.

Jenny thought it was cute how both Rupert and William thought nothing of using the crudest British expressions while in the US, under the presumption that if the Americans didn't understand the meaning of the crude terms then they couldn't really be offended by them, now could they?

Giles marched off to fight with Spike regarding his choice of music, and Jenny finished setting the food out on the dining room table. Breakfast on high holidays was always a special affair, and served on the best china with the good silver in the formal dining room. That was the way her family had always done it and she insisted that traditions like these were very important to the overall tone of family life. Giles and Spike, both being men and also having lived with traditions more time-encrusted than any Jenny knew, were not as doctrinaire on the matter, but respected Jenny's wishes on these days, and cooperated with her as much as two manly men could be expected to do.

She loved her two boys. There were none like them in the world. 

xxxxx

The three of them opened their gifts after breakfast, and were well pleased with the thoughtfulness behind each one. Jenny noticed that Spike had an extra gift, one wrapped in the funny pages, with a little snowflake name card on top. It was very pretty in a creative way, and she wondered which one of his friends had thought of it. He had already opened presents from the friends with whom she was familiar, so who ... Oh.

She took a look at Giles' face, and realized it must be from 'that girl' as Giles had taken to referring to the child. Really, he was so old-fashioned, she could almost see the crust growing on his ears as he said those words. He pronounced them -- **that girl **-- as though this poor girl were just waiting for an opportunity to use and corrupt his innocent nephew. Knowing Spike's reputation the way she did, and having spent a year watching the 'Spike and Drusilla' show every day, she rather thought they should be worrying about Spike corrupting the 'virtue' of the new girl, not the other way around.

The entire thing worried her a bit, because Giles wasn't usually that closed minded. Perhaps, she thought, there was something about the girl that he knew and wasn't telling them? He had, after all, given begrudging acceptance to **Drusilla** for a year, and that was a monumental feat if ever there was one. 

_How much worse than __**Drusilla**__ could this new girl be? _she chuckled inwardly at the ridiculous thought.

Spike smiled at the card on top, liking the intricacy of the snowflake and how she'd managed to make it 3D so that it served as both name card and decoration on top.

_That's my girl, _he thought to himself. _So clever.  
_  
He carefully peeled back the wrapping, wanting to see which cartoon he was fortunate enough to have received along with his gift. He read it over and laughed. There were no words, just a picture of two parents looking with dismay upon their car, covered in snow in the driveway. The three sections of a snowman had been placed upon the hood and on the ground in front of the vehicle, as though the car had hit a pedestrian, and three other snowmen stood in a semicircle around the grisly tableau, looking down at the 'dead' snowman with expressions of shock and horror upon their snowman faces. It was brilliant, and Spike was so completely captivated by her choice he almost forgot to open the gift itself. He was finally prompted to do so by Jenny, who took and read the cartoon, laughing, then handed it off to Giles who tried hard to remain sober but finally let loose a silly giggle in spite of himself.

A girl who could make his uncle giggle like a little boy was a good girl to have, Spike thought as he opened the small box. Inside was a genuine Antique Silver Plate Zippo Lighter, still sealed in its packaging, complete with papers to document its lifetime guarantee. It was not one of the more expensive lighters, but it was an excellent one, and exactly fit the style he'd noted she displayed on Tuesday. Simple. Elegant. Fine quality. He was delighted.

"**Wonderful. **She's given you a gift guaranteed to last longer than you will, if you continue to smoke." Giles noted dryly.

Jenny swatted his leg and Spike gave his uncle a 'look'. Giles seemed suitably chastened. "It's lovely, William," he added. "She has excellent taste."

"That she does." Spike smiled as he placed his gift with the other opened gifts. "And now I have to see a bird about a baby."

Giles and Jenny looked at each other, he with resignation, and she with confusion. Spike ignored them both, and bounded up the stairs to make a phone call.

"A baby?" Jenny asked.

Giles just shook his head and sighed.

xxxxxxx

Buffy slipped out of the house after dinner, around two-thirty. She had about an hour and a half before her absence would become an issue, so she wanted to make the most of her time away. The foster family -- and their extended loved ones -- were driving her to drink. Or they would be if she actually drank. But still. Perhaps, she considered, she could share that with the group on Monday. She thought that was the kind of thing they were pushing for, and now she had something to say that she thought might show her 'cooperation'. "Horrible relatives, they were, and I was sorely tried. But I resisted the lure of **evil alcohol."** Yeah, that was just the thing. Maybe she'd use a brogue.

Anyway, she was happy to hear Spike's voice on the line and was pleased that he had taken the initiative to call first. He was very contrite on the telephone, and begged to see her that afternoon, if she could find it in her heart to hear him out. She made him grovel a little bit, while secretly squeeing over the fact that he realized he'd done wrong in the first place. This was more than she could have hoped for yesterday, and she left the house with high spirits, headed for a nearby cemetery where they could talk together undisturbed. There was a chance for a relationship after all. A **chance**. 

xxxxx

Spike was nervously pacing in front of an engraved stone bench set back in a clearing in the trees, toward the center of Restfield Cemetery. He had to tell her what he was thinking yesterday, explain to her why he reacted the way he did, and somehow get her to forgive him for being an arse. He had to convince her that in spite of her past traumatic experiences, there was no reason they could not form a good relationship like any other couple did in school. They were, ultimately, no different than anyone else in that regard. Everyone had something in the history, some error or wrong done to them, he thought. It was a matter of overcoming the negatives and supporting each other through good times and bad. Yes, that was it. Stress the normality of it all, the surmountable aspect of these problems she carried like so many chains about her neck. That was what he needed to get her to see.

"Hey."

He spun round to see her standing in the clearing before him. She looked beautiful, in her black dress and leather coat, her golden hair gathered in a ponytail that swung down her back. Almost looked like an angel, come to stand watch over a funeral.

"Beautiful as ever, luv," he breathed.

"Thank you. You look pretty good yourself." She smiled when he blushed. She loved that she could make him blush.

"Come, sit down, luv," he took her arm in his hand and guided her to the stone bench, seating himself next to her, holding his leather duster close around him.

"Spike," she started, but he turned quickly to face her and held up a hand so she would stop. He needed to get out his apology, and he needed to do it properly, the way he'd practiced it. He needed to do this now.

"Please, luv, let me start." He tilted his head and came over all pleading-face, and Buffy realized that she was no match for that bit of adorableness. She nodded to him to go on.

"First, I am so **so** sorry I acted like an arse yesterday when you told me your story. I just wasn't prepared to hear it, and hadn't any experience with that sort of thing, and I just ... well ... I was an arse. I'm sorry, luv," he gazed at her with deadly seriousness, his face a picture of misery, and Buffy's heart melted a little bit. She nodded then waited for him to continue.

"Yesterday you'd asked me to let you finish before I spoke, and I thought that was what I was doin', but I was so shocked about what you were tellin' me, about those guys, and the party ... I didn't know what to say then. But I do now." He took her hands in his and looked her squarely in the eyes. "What happened to you was wrong and if I had any idea who those wankers were I'd beat 'em to death my own self. If I let you think that I wasn't carin' about that, then I'm sorry. I don't blame you for what happened to you, the bloody fucks who did this are to blame, not you. And you were right, pet. You were ... raped ... and unconscious at the time, then you'd no way to know anything at all, and that's just the same as bein' a virgin, innit? It's you knowin' the score, not what some shite faced fuck forced on you after you were drugged, that's the thing innit? And that's the way I see it, luv. You need to go slow, you don't have experience. And if you'd still have me, then that's what we'll do. You were right, sayin' that."

She felt some tears well up behind her eyes, and tried to force them back. She knew what he was saying was true, and she'd had basically the same conversation with Faith a year ago, but hearing the words come out of his mouth meant so much to her right now. Somehow it gave substance and authority to something she'd felt silly saying previously. Saying you're a virgin while you suckle a baby to your breast somehow doesn't carry the same ring, not like it did here, with Spike, now. She knew deep down it was true, but Spike's confirmation meant everything to her today.

"Now, I have a confession to make to you." He sat forward a bit and braced his elbows on his knees. "I told you before that my mum and dad both left me, didn't want to raise a kid, yeah?" He looked at her then, and she nodded. "Well, when you first said you had a baby -- or when I knew that's what you were sayin', anyway, -- the very first thought I had was anger, anger at a baby bein' abandoned."

She gasped and felt cold. Spike noticed the change in her but misunderstood. "Oh, luv, please, I'm sorry, I'm just tryin' to tell you what my mind said to me first thing. But it wasn't but a few moments later that I came to my senses, and realized that you weren't doin' like my parents, you weren't abandonin' your baby, you were just too young and the baby's start was bad, and you couldn't be expected to keep the sprog 'round under the circumstances, yeah? And so I saw that right away, and wanted to talk to you, explain why I acted so angry so suddenly, and that it passed quick, and that I understand what you did ... what you had to do." He looked at her with such passionate intensity, willing her to understand his thoughts, to accept his words and his apology so they could move on.

When he saw her face ashen, he was flummoxed. She looked more uncomfortable now than at any time since they'd started talking today. He worried about what he'd said wrong now. This girl was thick with hidden traps, he was beginning to understand.

"Luv, did you understand then?" he tried to clarify for her. "I got upset because of my own situation, without any thinkin', but right away saw how different yours was than my mum's, and that I understand why you had to let your baby go, and --"

"Spike, please stop." Buffy was miserable. He didn't understand, and now there was **another** revelation she would have to suffer through and she was so tired of putting herself out there like this. There should be rules about there being only so many hard truths you'd have to admit to in a week. Some quota or something. A **limit**, for God's sake.

"Pet?" he looked lost now. He had no idea.

She'd have to just get it all out at once and let whatever happened, happen. She was just too tired of it all to be upset any more.

"I guess there's more to this than you got from it yesterday. I didn't realize ... well, anyway, please let me just tell you the whole horrible story and then you'll have it all and can decide what you want to do. I'm just so tired, Spike. I can't do this a third time, so please let me just say it all, and then you just decide what you think and what you want." She turned to him with tired, hopeless, pleading eyes. "Okay?"

He nodded uneasily.

"Okay, you got the part where I had a baby, but we never really went past that point," she started to explain in a tone that was discouraged and flat, staring at the ground as she spoke.

"My mom was pissed that I got pregnant -- both my parents were, and before you wonder, no I never told anybody I was ... raped ... when I was back there. I just was too ashamed, and I just tried to pretend it never happened." She glanced quickly at him. "By the way, that doesn't work too good, just so you know." Her eyes went back to the ground. "Anyway, she didn't want me to have the baby, but I waited too long to tell them I was pregnant so it was kinda late and I didn't really believe I could bear to get rid of it anyway, so pretty much I was gonna have this baby. My mom and dad were pissed about that, and sent me to a maternity home in the city and arranged for an adoption and everything. But when she was born -- her name is Katie, by the way -- I fell in love with her right away and wanted to keep her. My mom said no, so I ran away to Sunnydale, to live with my cousin Faith who is a couple years older than me and had already come to live here. No one but Faith knew where I was. And we lived together and I raised Katie and we were pretty happy, I had made a good friend, we had our own apartment, everything. I had a job where I could watch Katie, it was good.

"Then one day Faith gets this boyfriend who manages this strip club, and he talks her into making more money stripping than working a regular job, and she does it. Then he gets her out of stripping and starts her working on other business at the club, which turned out to be this whole huge drug distribution and identity theft thing. It was in all the papers a couple weeks ago."

Spike nodded absently, staring at a stone angel on a monument across the footpath, listening intently to her convoluted tale.

"So anyway, the police do the big drug bust, and Faith and her boyfriend get away. Meanwhile, Katie and I are home minding our own business -- and know zero about any drugs and stuff -- when the police raid our apartment and in their search they find a big stash of hard drugs and a loaded gun and a clip in Katie's rocking horse seat. Robin gave her that horse, and I had no idea, but there they were, right inside. They arrested me, and took Katie to a foster home. Then they had a big trial / hearing thingy a coupla days later, and the judge decided -- with the help of the detectives on the case who were on my side, and my social worker and my lawyer -- that I wasn't involved in the drugs or identity theft or anything, but I was a runaway and had false ID from the identity theft business, and my baby was exposed to danger while I was taking care of her. How I was supposed to know that they were dangerous people I don't know, they never really explained that to me so I could understand -- but anyway they took her away and gave me all these things I have to do to get her back, and I have to be in a separate foster home than she is and visit her for only four hours a week, and go back to high school, and then, if I'm really good, the judge might let me have her again, in April."

Her voice had been losing energy the whole time she told her story, and she didn't know if she'd be able to get this all out before she just wound completely down. "And I'm so tired, Spike. So tired. So if you're mad again and want to yell at me, please remember that I was going to tell you this but you kinda stopped me yesterday when you started yelling at me, and I wasn't trying to hide this from you. I was trying to tell you, even if I was too scared to do it well." She glanced in his direction again.

"And you're upset again," she watched his jaw tick as he continued to stare at the stone angel, "and I can't handle any more yelling right now, so I guess I'm just gonna go now and just ... I don't know ... thank you for listening to me and taking me on my first real date, and please please don't tell anyone else what I told you cuz I'd like to start school without already being labeled the school slut or something."

She rose to go, resigned to the fact that this was her life and she was foolish for thinking it could be anything else. She had had silly little girl hopes for a life with this boy, and it was just stupid. She'd been right when she first saw him a year ago in the mall. She **wasn't **the kind of girl that boys like him dated and took to the prom and she never would be. She pulled her coat closer around her as a cold breeze picked up and turned to leave the clearing.

She got about two yards away when she felt herself being grabbed and spun 'round into Spike's arms.

"If you're goin' to run off every time I act an idiot I'm goin' to be spending a lot of my time chasin' you down the street, luv," he smiled into her surprised face. He leaned down and gave her a quick soft kiss, pulling her closer inside the safety of his long leather duster.

"What?" Buffy looked up at him in confusion.

"If you think I'm letting you walk away from me now, then you've another think comin'," he warned her sternly. "It's a shocker, I'll admit it, but I like you, and I haven't liked too many girls lately, not like this anyway, and I'm not gonna drop you now just because you've got some responsibilities other girls might not have yet."

"Really? You mean that?" she was practically numb with fear that he'd change his mind and decide he didn't really mean this, that he didn't know what he could be thinking.

"Yeah, I do." He hugged her close and kissed the top of her head, then guided them back to sit on the cold bench. "You said you've a plan to follow, and you visit her four hours a week. Anyway I can meet her, or help you with that plan, luv?"

"I don't know. I don't know what they allow or anything, I've just started. But I can show you the plan, I keep it with me." She pulled the folded paper from her purse, smoothed it out on her knee, and handed it to him.

He perused the many conditions set upon her, and let out a low whistle. There were a lot of things she had to do. _Drug program? Domestic Violence class? Sexuality class?  
_  
She watched his face for any sign that he was changing his mind, and worried her lip when she saw him frowning.

"What?"

"Why'd they put you in a drug program, luv? And domestic violence? Is there more still you need to tell me?" He tried hard to appear caring and interested rather than accusatory and intrusive. From the look on her face he wasn't sure if he'd succeeded.

She looked away petulantly and grumbled, "Yeah, well. My social worker told me they make all underage girls in 'my situation' have those programs tacked onto their plan, sorta a captive audience they can preach to, you know?" She looked over at him and said with careful deliberation, "I don't do drugs, I don't have a drinking problem, and I never have. I **swear**. It's just the 'powers-that-be' being all parental and annoying that put me in there. **Honest**" 

She made a little 'cross my heart' sign on her chest as she finished that statement, and he couldn't help but laugh out loud at how much of a little girl she seemed at that moment.

_She's bleedin' adorable.  
_  
She didn't see what was so funny, and frowned at him. He just laughed again and pulled her close to him, resting his head on top of hers. 

"Not laughin' at you, petal, just thinkin' you looked adorable just then, and I loved it. That's all."

She both heard and felt his words penetrate into her being, and she relaxed into his arms completely. Since she'd lost Fred, and then Faith, she had been feeling very disconnected and vulnerable, unable to assure either her well-being or Katie's. Everything was so out of control, and other people made all the decisions and she didn't entirely trust them to do so.

But now, for the first time in a very long while, she felt safe. Wrapped up in his big coat, his arms holding her close, she felt protected.

It felt wonderful.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author's Note: Some questions and comments were raised in reviews that I want to respond to but it would take too much space in review so I'm answering them here.

First, yes the system of foster care and adoption in America is messed up, it's probably better now than it's been in, well, ever, but it's still very very not good. People seem to be appalled by the way Buffy's and Katie's cases are being handled, and that is very telling. Because _their cases are textbook perfect from the system's point of view_. In other words, their cases are going very well, the system is working as it should; they had a sympathetic judge, they both have honest devoted case workers, the police were understanding and helped them rather than hurt them, and Buffy's lawyer was excellent. And the foster homes provided to them are fantastic considering the average. Buffy's foster family has issues, but their issues are so mild compared to what other kids experience that they just don't blip on the radar. Seriously. I am not revealing what is going to be happening within the story, but just that in the two weeks they've been in the system, the system has been working excellently on their behalf. And I hate it, but it's true, and is one of the most tragic parts of this story (so far -- no giving the future away).

Because there are so many comments and questions, I decided to try to find some internet site that you could go to that would give you a good picture of what the foster system in California is like, without being dry and scholarly and difficult to understand. So this weekend I found that the _Sacramento Bee_ (a major newspaper in California, based out of the state capitol, Sacramento) did a series on foster care in that county in 2001. It is an excellent read with interesting case stories included, and offers insight into how that county is handling foster care, or not handling it as the case may be. Buffy and Katie are pretty much in 2004 thru 2006, and in a different county on the central coast (fictional county where Sunnydale 'is') and so things are different in such things as how long before adoption and there are some other subtle differences as well. By the way, Sacramento County's determination to require only three to six months prior to forcing adoption in drug cases is very short and not the norm. The federal law requires twelve to eighteen months, so Sacramento is way beyond the norm on that aspect of their county rules. The state of Oregon, I've been told, will release children for adoption from drug-addicted parents almost immediately, so there are vast differences on this from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. Such things in California are up to local determination, changing depending on the county involved.

I think that these articles give a good glimpse into one county's programs and problems, though, and also addresses the foster-adopt situation quite well. In one child's story -- which struck me as being similar to Buffy and Katie's -- the article really showed how the case workers were working against each other in their planning, and how the foster family who had been led to believe they were going to adopt got caught in the middle. And I am not revealing one little bit where I'm going with my story here, I am just offering this series to those who are interested or have more questions about the foster and adoption systems in the US and in California in particular. The article begins at this link (and if the link doesn't work for some reason, just copy and paste the address into your address bar and you'll be taken to the page):

back to the story itself, which is the reason we're here in the first place.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Forty-Five**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Christmas Tales, Part Three**_

The Giles home was festive and bright. Christmas dinner was scheduled for five o'clock, and the guests were arriving quickly, filling the living room with beautiful gifts and good conversation.

Among the guests was Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, an expatriate Briton who taught English at Sunnydale High School. He had settled in at the piano to play arrangements of traditional Christmas songs as a kind of background music for the group of friends, from time to time pausing to sip some eggnog and add his thoughts to the lively conversation. Younger than Giles by a good fifteen years, Wes was nevertheless much stodgier and proper than his older friend. He was a good man, though, and had a kind and generous spirit. Over the years he had been a frequent guest in their home.

Alan Doyle was another expatriate, but from Ireland rather than England. He managed a local pub called _The Wild Boar_, which was located among the strip of trendy restaurants and stores adjacent to the public beaches that lined the Sunnydale shore. The actual owner had based his establishment on an English pub, but as the manager, Doyle had slipped in some more Irish touches to the bar and menu. The resulting pub was therefore a fusion of both that was completely lost upon the American patrons. It was at _The Wild Boar_ that Doyle met the Giles' one evening, and they struck up a friendship quite quickly.

As Jenny put the finishing touches on her dinner and Giles sat in the living room having a lively discussion with Doyle about the merits of the various football teams in Britain, their final guest arrived.

"Olivia! Wonderful to see you, Happy Christmas!" Giles welcomed his longtime friend into his home, taking the gifts she was juggling and ushering her into the living room. As he placed the gifts with the others under the tree, Wes and Doyle greeted the newest arrival. 

"And how are the sad and dispirited this week, then, Liv?" Doyle teased her.

"Drinking a great deal less than you probably have done," Olivia threw back at him. The two had a good-natured running feud going over the merits of psychotherapy versus drowning one's sorrows in a pint of ale. Doyle took the latter position, naturally, alleging that truly God **had** intended us to sit and talk for hours about our problems, sure, but it was meant to be done over a pint and not in some frilly office at $130.00 per hour.

"I'll wager there's some drinking to be done when your bill arrives, though," Doyle smiled back. 

"Ah, go back to your nog, you drunken old thing," Olivia shot back with a grin. "I'm just going to see if Jenny needs any help," she announced as she made her way to the kitchen.

xxxxx

"The aroma is wonderful in here, Jenny," Olivia pronounced upon entering the kitchen. "Absolutely delicious." She put an arm around her friend in greeting. "Happy Christmas."

"Olivia!" Jenny hugged her friend back and then returned to her task of ladling gravy into a gravy boat. "Merry Christmas! We're so glad you're joining us this year, although I know you'd rather have been able to go home instead."

"Well, it wasn't meant to be, this year, but there's always next, then, isn't there?" she motioned to the mashed potatoes and Jenny nodded for her to proceed with getting those into their serving dish. "And it is a hard time of year to leave my patients. As you know, they tend more to depression this time of year than any other."

"Speaking of patients," Jenny smiled as she finished with the gravy and started spooning peas into their serving dish. "I'm thinking **Rupert** could use some professional help at this point." She chuckled.

Olivia noted the humor in Jenny's voice, but was serious nevertheless. "Is there a problem?"

"No, not really," Jenny started in on the rolls. "But he's become completely preoccupied with this new girl that William is seeing. He just seems to have taken an instant dislike to her and is at his wit's end trying to come up with some way to prevent him from seeing her. It's not like him at all."

Olivia stopped and turned her full attention to Jenny. "Coming from a man who tolerated Drusilla, that sounds serious. Has he said what is wrong with this new girl that he's so against her?"

Jenny also stopped and gave her full attention to the conversation. "Not much, but he has mentioned that she has a baby, which I agree is of concern, but otherwise she seems to be quite nice -- from what I'm hearing -- and William is completely smitten with her. You should have seen the present she gave him. It was a Zippo lighter -- you can imagine Rupert wasn't thrilled with a gift that would make it easier for William to smoke, but it was a lovely lighter nonetheless -- and the wrapping was beautifully creative. Rupert has actually been assigned to integrate her into the high school come spring semester, and is having her tutored and testing her to get her assigned to the proper grade. He has said she seems quite intelligent and will probably place at grade level without much difficulty. But still, he just detests her. He acts as though he thought she were going to corrupt William, as ridiculous as that sounds. I'd be more worried for her with William than the other way 'round, given his dating history."

Olivia was struck dumb by Jenny's revelation. The girl had to be Buffy, there just were too many similarities. And somehow Giles was put off by her. But why? Olivia found the girl very likable and pretty and thought that she might even be a good match for Spike, if you put aside her many various problems for a moment. She didn't think Giles would simply take an instant dislike to the girl she'd met, so what was it? If it were simply the fact of the baby then she'd have thought he'd make that his point and Jenny would not be as confused by his attitude. No, there was some other reason. Perhaps something he'd seen himself, or been told by others?

It was frustrating but Olivia knew that she could not reveal that she even knew the girl much less was now treating her. That would be a violation of confidentiality and she couldn't breach that. She would like to hear what Giles thought of her, though, and if he'd been given information from some other quarter that was different than what she'd been told by either Tanya or Buffy herself.

It was a puzzle, and she was determined to get to the bottom of it, with her friendships intact and her patient's privacy maintained. She was clever, she thought, she'd come up with something that would suit the bill.

Looking around and realizing that all the food was ready for the table, she picked up the potatoes and gravy boat as Jenny grabbed the peas and rolls, and they went into the dining room to get this dinner started.

And where was Spike, anyway?

xxxxxxx

"Well, here I am." 

"Yes, here you are," Spike turned to Buffy as they stopped on the sidewalk before her house. He took her coat lapels and gently pulled them closed against the chill of the day, leaving his hands on them as they said their goodbyes. "When can I see you again, luv?"

Buffy thought a moment. She hated taking the bus after dark right now, and it would still be early enough to go out together afterwards.

"I have a substance abuse meeting Monday afternoon, and it ends at six," she looked to see how he reacted to that piece of information.

"I could pick you up after, go out to have something to eat perhaps?" he offered.

"Okay, that sounds like a date," she couldn't help the smile that blossomed when he pulled her back into his arms. She wished she could stay in those arms forever.

"Then it's a date," he grinned back, leaning down to give her a gentle kiss goodbye. "You'd better get inside, before the family wonders where you've disappeared to and send out a search party."

"Yeah," she pouted. Given a choice between Spike and the Smith-Kendall clan, she'd have to vote for Spike every time.

"Yeah," he echoed softly.

They pulled reluctantly apart and Buffy started down her front walk, only getting a few yards when she suddenly turned and asked, with a furrowed brow, "Blondie bear?"

Spike turned back to face her, and just stood with his mouth gaping, astonished. "Wha?"

"Is your nickname Blondie Bear? Cuz, when she saw me opening your present today, Harmony got all screechy and called you Blondie Bear." Buffy explained as Spike's face turned suddenly pink with embarrassment. "Oh!" She suddenly put it all together, the sight of Spike's face pinking up providing the last piece of the puzzle. "Oh my God. Was she one of your **girlfriends**!?"

Spike sighed and turned away for a moment to collect his thoughts. What were the chances she'd meet Harmony so soon? He turned back around to face her, hands in pockets.

"How did you meet her, pet?" he hesitated.

"Harmony is the younger sister of my foster mother, Rosemary. She's probably inside watching us right now." 

"Bloody -- fuck ... She's in there **now**?"

"Yep."

He walked back up to Buffy, and placed his hands on her arms and looked deeply into her eyes. And there on the front walkway he owned up to his prior **extremely** brief 'relationship' with Harmony, wondering yet again how one Homecoming Dance date could come back to bite him in the ass in so many ways.

Buffy tried not to laugh as Spike told her about the stalking and the heart-shaped post-it notes, and was really loving the entire thing since it was so apparent that Harmony's affection was unrequited. Spike for his part was hugely relieved that she was taking it all so well. At least until ...

"Did you ... sleep with her?" she asked in a small voice, hoping desperately that he would say no.

"Yeah, luv, I did," he admitted. Once again he kicked himself mentally for putting himself in this situation with her. He regretted his dreadful behavior over the last six months, behavior that seemed so utterly guilt-free and liberating at the time. It was his own damn fault, that disappointed look in her eyes, and that hurt more than anything else.

Buffy was disappointed to hear that he had slept with the horrible girl, both jealous and frustrated that Harmony would forever be someone who had slept with her boyfriend. That she would forever be someone whom he had **liked** well enough to take to Homecoming **and** to have sex with was very disconcerting. She did now consider Spike to be her boyfriend, and once Harmony figured it out -- and sooner rather than later was the bet to make on that bit of news -- she thought the girl had the motivation and the ability to make Buffy suffer for it.

_Stupid Harmony.  
_  
"What was that , luv?" Spike asked with a smirk.

"Did I say that out loud?" Buffy was alarmed.

"'Stupid Harmony'?" he chuckled. "'Fraid so."

"Well she is," Buffy decided she was unrepentant. Harmony was a complete idiot and a horrible person and it wasn't meanness or jealousy that caused Buffy to think that way. It was simply recognizing who she was and using good judgment. She was sure that's what it was. It wasn't actual jealousy at all. Nope. It wasn't.

He smiled warmly and leaned down to take her chin in his hands and raise her face to his. "Stupidest thing I ever did, and I'll always regret it, luv. The irritating bint has no hold on me, never had. Please don't waste a minute worrying about it, all right?"

She looked into his eyes, and saw nothing but sincerity there. If he said so, she would believe. "All right."

With one last soft kiss, they finally parted, and Buffy started up the walk again, leaving the heaven version of this Christmas day behind her on the sidewalk, and preparing herself to face the hell version that waited inside. She thought with a sigh that this was the worst Christmas, the longest Christmas, and the most wonderful Christmas she'd ever had, all on one day.

And she decided she'd try to concentrate on the wonderful, for as long as she could.

xxxxxxx

When Buffy entered the house, she expected to find it full of annoying people that she'd need to smile at and placate for several more hours. Instead, she found Ben. He'd gotten off work and had just recently arrived.

"Hi," Buffy greeted him as she walked into the kitchen, looking for pie. She'd missed the official dessert but was hoping there'd be some left for her now.

Ben pointed her to the assembled desserts as he fixed his own plate of dinner leftovers.

"Where is everybody?"

"Gone a little while ago. Mom, dad, and Harmony went home, and Glory went with them to take a look at a dress Harmony bought for a big New Year's party next week. The house is blissfully Glory-free." He smiled at his joke, and she managed a small smile at his attempt at humor. "John is upstairs with Rosemary, tending to her. She had another one of her headaches a little while ago, and probably won't be up to company for a couple of days."

Buffy nodded her understanding, and took her plate over to the sofa and clicked on the TV.

She was so happy that she could have some 'alone' time without all the Smiths and Kendalls to please and placate, that she almost felt the stress physically leave her body and spirit. Some mindless television and pie were exactly what she wanted right now. A little breathing space.

Ben came over and sat down next to her, his plate perched upon his lap.

_Well, at least he's not as bad as the rest of them, _she sighed inwardly. "Something you wanted to watch in particular?" She asked, hoping he wasn't going to make her switch to football or anything.

"Nope. Just wanted to enjoy my Christmas dinner sitting next to a beautiful girl." He smiled down at her.

_Great, _she thought resentfully. She smiled back at him as though she thought he was being charming, and clicked until she found some TVLand reruns from the sixties and then settled back to veg and eat. She really hoped he'd just be quiet and leave her alone.

Ben could see that she wanted to be left alone for now, so he just sat there eating in companionable silence, leaving off conversation for the time being. He really wanted to get to know her better, perhaps strike up a relationship with her if he were lucky. She was almost seventeen, he'd learned from John today. She was almost old enough. Old enough for **him**, anyway. He just needed to play it right, and she'd be falling into his arms in no time.

xxxxxxx

Late that night, as Giles was settling into bed for the evening, Jenny brought up the subject of **that girl**. 

"Rupert, I want you to be honest with me."

Already in bed leaning against the headboard with a book in his lap, Giles looked up in puzzlement from the passage he was reading. "Certainly."

"Why don't you like Buffy?" She slipped into bed beside him, settling on her side and propping her head on her hand.

"Jenny, I don't think --" he began to shake his head.

"No you don't! You don't get to dismiss my concern out of hand like that. Something is very wrong, and you're acting as though this was the worst thing that could have happened to William, dating this girl. What's the story here?"

Giles closed his book, sighed, and looked long at Jenny's upturned face. He supposed he should at least confide in her what Snyder had told him about the girl. She was, although not in actual fact, acting as William's stepmother, and had a right to know these things.

"Do you recall all the police activity two weeks ago? An international drug and identity theft organization was uncovered in this county, and the primary traffic for the illegal operations were taking place through strip clubs in San Martine?"

"Yes," she replied slowly, sitting up to face him more directly. "I remember. It was all over the news for a week."

"Well, Buffy was arrested in that operation."

"You cannot be serious," she scoffed.

"Oh yes, it's true," he assured her. "This girl seems like an innocent sweet thing, but she is" and he counted off his charges against her on his fingers. "a sixteen year old unwed mother, who was found stripping in a club in San Martine, and also was involved in the drug business in the club, and had actually stashed a large amount of hard drugs and a **loaded gun **among her baby's toys so that they would be less likely found in case they were robbed or searched. Now I ask you, does that sound like someone with whom you'd wish to encourage William to spend his time?"

Jenny sat there stunned for a moment, then started laughing. "Who told you these things?"

"I'm glad you find this all so amusing." He was becoming extremely irritated by her mockery.

"Who was it? No, wait, let me guess. It was a short troll-like bald man named Snyder. Am I right?" She pulled herself under control again while waiting for the confirmation she knew was coming. She could see that Giles wasn't seeing this in quite the same way that she was.

"As a matter of fact." He was not amused at all.

"Of course," she shook her head. "Honey, I'm surprised he didn't accuse her of kidnapping the Lindbergh baby and knowing where they buried Jimmy Hoffa."

"That's not funny," he glared. "Do you actually believe that Snyder would create a lie of that magnitude? And for what possible reason?"

"Because he's a little toad who loves to mess with people's lives."

Giles shook his head decisively. "You didn't see him. He was bristling with the news that he was being ordered to accept her into the high school. He wasn't making this up."

"Ordered? By whom?"

"The superintendent ordered Snyder, and the superintendent was ordered by Judge Holtz himself." Giles pronounced. "Judge Holtz has taken an extreme interest in this girl, and we don't know why."

"Perhaps," she spoke slowly now, as to someone who would be unable to understand things clearly. "he realized she was an innocent girl caught up in a terrible life through no fault of her own, and he is trying to help her."

Giles' brow furrowed as he considered this possibility. "Why would he do that? He's known universally for being very hard on criminals, even juvenile criminals."

"Exactly," she reasoned. "Why would he help her, if he actually believed her to be guilty of those charges?"

Giles considered for a moment. He never really entertained the quid pro quo postulated by Snyder. He couldn't believe that of Holtz. Why indeed, then? "He wouldn't," he finally agreed, and then sighed in disgust. "I've been a bloody fool."

"A fool, perhaps," Jenny smiled benevolently at him, "but not a **bloody**fool." She leaned up and kissed him sweetly.

"There is something there, though, and she does have a child." Giles was thinking out loud now. "How do I learn what is truth and what are lies?"

"Ask her." Jenny said simply, as she turned out the lamp on her side of the bed and settled down to sleep.

Giles looked at his wife, snuggled into the pillows, and considered her advice.

_By the way, Miss Summers, were you ever a stripper? _No, that wasn't possible. He couldn't ask her questions such as these. He looked again at Jenny, who was already sound asleep beside him, and tried to think of someone who could.

xxxxxxx

Well there it is, the final Christmas chapter. Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review if you can. Thanks.

Sara


	10. Chapter 46 thru 49

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: Once again you guys amaze me. Thank you for all the reviews. I wanted to say, outside of the review responses, that the social-services-legal-foster-care-system is something that I consider to be an actual character in the story, and that is why I give it so much thought and want you to understand it as much as you can _within the context of the story_. To me it's like a much more heavily intrusive Watcher's Council in the canon series. So I do apologize to those readers who couldn't care less about it, and I totally understand where you might be coming from, but I do need to explain things from time to time and beg your indulgence. There is no need for anyone to know more about it than what is required for the story, however, and my author's notes are mostly directed to specific questions readers have or to my perception of general misunderstandings that I pick up while reading reviews. There will be no pop quizzes.

The story itself, however, is bigger than that aspect of it, and ultimately is a love story and a story about growing up and family and the part that destiny plays in our lives. It is not a story _about_ foster care. It is a story about Buffy first, then about Spike as he becomes more and more entangled in her life. Anyway, thank you for reading and reviewing and being patient with the process. And on to the story ...

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Forty-Six**  
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_**Uneasy**_

_Sunday_

When she got off the bus Buffy stopped and took a shaky breath, her anxiety having increased with every long mile leading to the Social Services Satellite Office and Visitation Center in Carlton. It was late Sunday morning, and time for her second visitation with Katie. 

Although part of her couldn't wait to see her daughter and had longed all week for this day to come, another more frightened part of her dreaded it with her whole being. Last week's visit had practically torn her apart, and she just didn't know how she could live through another one. The fact that there were more than a dozen yet to go she wouldn't even permit herself to consider. In the substance abuse group they talked about handling sobriety one day at a time, and if that proved to be too difficult then to take it one hour at a time, or one minute at a time. She didn't share their dependence on drugs or alcohol, but her separation from Katie seemed as difficult to her as overcoming any addiction could be. She made herself remember that she just needed to survive this until she got Katie back again, and if she had to do it a day, an hour, or a minute at a time, then that's what she'd have to do. She could do it. She had to.

She walked across the street carrying her bag of small presents with her, scanning the other people in the parking lot and entrance for signs that any of them might be Katie's foster parents. She couldn't tell anything by looking at them, and she wasn't sure if she was relieved or frustrated by that fact. She was conflicted. She wanted to know who was taking care of her daughter, but was also **afraid **to know, fearing that it would be harder if she knew and didn't like the people. Or harder maybe if she did like the people. She was so confused. She knew that she needed to be enough of an adult to face these things, good and bad, both for herself and for her daughter. She knew that she needed to be strong, to stand tall, to fight for herself and her baby and she knew that she had to do it on their terms. They made all the rules and held most of the cards. She was dealing with the adult world to a degree that she had never even contemplated previously; this was the big league, and these people could crush her if she let them. She couldn't let them.

This time she had no one to hold her hand or advise her, having told Tanya last week that she wanted to do this alone. Last week she'd been so devastated by the visit and still reeling from the number of things she had to do to please these people that she had let her anguish and anger lead her to dismiss any assistance from her case worker. She was starting to regret that decision as she entered the building and tried to remember what needed to be done to begin the visit. After some false starts she was finally in the visitation room, waiting for Katie to be brought to her.

As soon as she saw her baby come to her in the arms of the worker on duty, everything else fell away. This was why she was doing this, this was what it was all about. For a few hours, she had her baby in her arms again.

xxxxx

Hours later the worker took Katie and the little presents back to the foster mother. Buffy remained sitting on the floor, afraid to speak or move for fear of shattering into a million pieces. She didn't want anyone to see how much this affected her; she was terrified that they would see her weakness and hold it against her. She sat very still trying to force the anguish down, so that she could leave and get back on that bus. She had to get control back. She couldn't let them see her like this. She had to be calm, to be in control. She had to be calm. She had to be in control. She had to be calm ...

xxxxx

The worker on duty had given Katie back to the foster mother, and was simply waiting for Buffy to leave the room and sign out. When Buffy hadn't come out after fifteen minutes, she grew concerned. The information she had on this particular parent was that she was extremely young, but she was not considered an actual danger to her child and had no specific problems that would require active supervision of her visits. She was in foster care too, and that meant that there was probably no family support for this girl. She was virtually alone, and the worker knew that had to be very difficult for her. She decided to poke her head in the room to see if there was some problem.

What she saw was a young girl sitting on the floor, holding her arms tightly around herself, visibly trying to calm herself down, trying to control her breathing, trying to control her emotions. She didn't think Buffy even knew she had entered the room, she was concentrating so hard on reining in her emotions.

Her heart broke for her, so she knelt down and put her arms around her.

"It's okay to cry, anyone would be upset by this, just let it out sweetheart, no one here is gonna judge you for being upset. I know I'd be beside myself if I had to see my baby just a few hours a week like this, anyone would. It's okay, you're gonna get through this and it'll be all right ..." she just kept the soft sympathetic words coming, trying to penetrate the wall Buffy was trying to keep up, knowing that she couldn't live behind such barriers for very long without doing herself some damage. Her entire body was taut with the effort of **physically** trying to get control of herself and not breakdown.

When at last the walls came down, Buffy fell apart in the woman's arms, laid her head down in her lap, and let herself be held and soothed while she sobbed, until there were no more tears left to fall. 

xxxxxxxx

It was just after dark when Buffy let herself into the house and, carefully avoiding her foster parents, quietly went upstairs to her room. After washing her face in the bathroom, she changed into a little blue t-shirt and baggy red plaid pajama bottoms, and lay down on her still-made bed, staring out the window at the moon rising over the trees. She left the lights off; she wanted to wrap herself inside the darkness, draw it like a cloak around her. She'd always been in love with the day and the sunshine, but lately she found more comfort in the dark.

She heard the sound of a small 'click', and then slowly the darkness was pushed back a little bit by the soft glow of light coming from the hall. John was in the doorway, watching her. After a few moments he came further into the room, and after some hesitation sat on her bed, near her shoulders. She didn't acknowledge him there, didn't so much as turn her head in his direction. He sat facing her back, and she went on staring out the window at the moon.

The silence was almost a presence with them, there in that room. John lifted a hand and slowly, hesitantly, laid it on her arm. With the other he brushed some hair back from her forehead, letting his hand come to rest on her shoulder. She didn't flinch, didn't move, didn't make a sound. Just kept staring at the moon.

Finally he rose and left, shutting the door softly behind him. Walking quickly back from her room, he made his way down the stairs and to the kitchen where he knew both dinner and Rosemary were waiting. He never saw Glory standing in a doorway at the other end of the hall, watching as he left Buffy's room.

xxxxxxx

_Monday_

The next day Buffy was supposed to study with Willow, who was now officially on her holiday vacation. Buffy thought that tutoring someone you barely knew during your own vacation week was going well beyond the call of duty, and was grateful that Willow was willing to spend that time with her. However she didn't want to study that day, and called Willow to cancel, telling her that they could meet again as scheduled, on Wednesday. She heard the hesitancy in Willow's voice when she called, but assured her that everything was fine and that she'd just had a long weekend with the family and Christmas and all, and needed some 'alone time' right now. Willow was uncertain, but accepted Buffy's explanation and agreed to see her Wednesday morning instead.

Buffy kept to herself as much as possible the whole day, coming out for an occasional snack or light meal, and avoiding any contact with the other members of the household, which included Glory for another few days. She knew she should study, but found herself unable to concentrate. She spent some time looking out the window, but as the morning wore on she became too restless to do that any longer. Something had broken inside of her on Sunday, and she felt a sudden strong urge to do **something**. Something different, something personal, something that reflected who she really was, who she was becoming.

She decided to go through her clothes and try to put together a somewhat different personal style for herself. She wanted to reflect less the 'good child' look and adopt more of an older teen style, to be more sexual, to be more creative. She knew she needed to be seen as responsible and mature, to convince the powers-that-be that she was capable of being a good mother to her daughter. But that didn't mean she had to look like she was a cross between Alice in Wonderland and a thirty year old soccer mom. Her style had been drifting since she first discovered she was pregnant, and she hadn't grown in the way that she now thought she should have done, the way other girls her age had done.

Before her pregnancy, she'd been a fourteen year old high school freshman, wearing uniforms to school since kindergarten. And outside of school she wore 'tasteful' casual clothes that she was forced to get approved by her mother. That was the rule: if her mother and father were paying for it, then they got final approval on it. She had been stifled then, and hated that she had nothing that really reflected her own self fully.

Then there were the sexy little dresses she borrowed from friends to wear to parties. Her mother never would have let her buy the dresses she needed for those parties, so she had none of her own to speak of. She had been playing make-believe after hours, pretending to be older and sexier than she was in order to get into the parties she and her friends decided they wanted to attend. But that's all it had been -- make-believe, and she wore what magazines and her friends told her she should wear. And the boys seemed to like it. Too much so, as it turned out.

Then her pregnancy intervened, and real fashion choices took a distant second to the horror of maternity wear. The clothes were designed for the young married mother and the 'fashion' was simple and relatively inexpensive. It was a wardrobe not meant to be long term, and her mother refused to spend any real money on clothes that were a reminder of Buffy's transgressions, and were in any case just temporary. She told Buffy that she would be permitted to buy better clothes once she was home again and things were again 'normal'. The whole pregnancy Buffy had been saving her allowance for that very thing.

When she'd gone to Faith her circumstances were drastically different, and her savings became travel and living expenses rather than money for new, better clothes. She had no real money of her own for several months, and although she had had success re-working and creating good clothes from thrift store items, and Fred had been a wonderful mentor, she knew that the results were more suited to a breastfeeding young mother than to an edgy young thing with her whole life ahead of her. It was as though she'd gone from fourteen to thirty in a matter of months, and she was so preoccupied that she rarely questioned it. She knew she looked good, but she didn't look the way she thought she wanted to. Not any more.

School was going to start at the end of January, and she needed a change. She needed to find out who the hell she was, what she wanted, what she wanted her clothes to say about her. She knew she wasn't ready to assume the conservative soccer mom look, and she was far beyond the excited faux party girl she had been as a freshman. No, she wanted something different, something that expressed who she was inside, who she wanted to be. Something that spoke of her move away from the bright sunny cheerleader and party girl into darker, more worldly places. She would never be that sunny little cheerleader again. It was time she started dressing like it.

She'd have to build on what she already owned, which was considerable if she counted the clothes packed in storage. Both hers and Faith's clothes were in storage. She had a lot to work with if she looked at Faith's clothes, too. Faith's style was certainly different. Lots of black, lots of leather, interesting clothing and accessories -- that was Faith. Buffy thought it sounded promising as a source, and Faith owed her this much, having put her in this position in the first place. If Faith ever returned, Buffy would give her her things back again. Once she kicked her ass, of course.

Yes, that's exactly what she would do. She'd draw some ideas and look in the current fashion magazines, go see what the edgier stores were stocking now, and then use the clothes she had, both hers and Faith's, and see if she couldn't create something uniquely herself before school started. 

Too soon she realized it was time to go to the substance abuse meeting at the community health center. Spike would be picking her up afterwards for their second date, so it was important that she dress up somewhat for the meeting. She looked over what she had done today and sighed in frustration. Now that she had made up her mind what she wanted to do she wanted to get started immediately. She'd have to get those stored clothes tomorrow, perhaps after she saw Olivia.

She showered and dressed quickly, and took the bus to the center.

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There were five minutes until the meeting started, and Buffy was busy using way too much sugar and creamer, hoping to make a very bad cup of coffee drinkable. She took a sip.

_Bleah.  
_  
"Well, hello Strawberry," came a slimy voice from her left, followed by an arm reaching for a donut.

She knew that voice. She knew that arm. She had to fight the urge to break that arm.

"Don't call me that," she snapped.

"Oooh, hit a **nerve**," he taunted with a grin.

"No, not a nerve, it's just not true," she shot back.

"Riiight,"

"Fuck you," she started heading toward the circle of chairs. 

"Anytime. **Strawberry**," he leered and waggled his tongue suggestively when she glanced his way. He followed her over to the chairs, taking a seat on the opposite side so he could spend the meeting watching her. She was young, she was beautiful, and she let him get under her skin. And that wasn't the only thing he wanted under her. He watched her sip her coffee, trying to ignore him. That wasn't gonna work. _There ... there ... there!  
_  
She glanced his way briefly and his face broke into a slow smile. She glared at him and turned her head, trying to ignore him again.

_Oh, yeah, baby. I'm gonna have you, just you wait.  
_  
xxxxx

Buffy left the building, having once again refused to say anything in the meeting. Warren appeared to be making it his goal in life to torment her, and she spent the entire meeting trying to avoid looking in his direction. Warren, for his part, spent the entire meeting staring straight at her. She was pissed, and weirdly unnerved. That guy gave her the creeps in a way that even Zack hadn't. She wanted Warren _away_ desperately.

"Hey, Strawberry," came the hated voice once more.

She sat on a bench, trying to pretend he hadn't followed her out. That was going to be difficult to do as he was now sitting next to her on the bench. The crowd was thinning out now, and it was just a couple of stragglers and Warren left with her in front of the building. Due to the holiday season, other meetings and classes had canceled this week. The building went suddenly dark behind her, and she saw that the last few people had walked or driven off, leaving her alone with Warren on the bench near the street. She wanted to move away, but it was the only illuminated area nearby, and she needed to be visible to Spike when he arrived. She also thought being visible to any chance car driving by would be safer than winding up in a dark spot with Warren. She stayed put on the bench, silent.

"You know, you really should participate more in the meeting. Why, we hardly know anything about you at all." Leering hadn't worked, so he was apparently trying for companionable, friendly.

_Yeah, that'll work. _She continued to ignore him.

"I mean, you _say_ you're not a strawberry, but, well, how would a fellow _know_ if you just clam up?" He was trying to sound reasonable, interested.

_Not enough soap in the world to wash the slime offa you, pal. Stop talking to me.  
_  
She tried to look as though she didn't know he was even there. It was hard, since he was literally making her skin crawl.

"Okay, not a big talker. Fine," he commented blandly. "There **are** other things you can do with that mouth ... Probably good at them, too. Aren't you, baby?"

He was leering again, and when his words penetrated the wall she was trying to build up between them, Buffy's irritation and fear ratcheted up a couple of notches. She didn't know this guy, but suddenly she was no longer simply disgusted and unnerved by him, but was becoming even more frightened as well. The meeting had ended a little early, and Spike hadn't arrived yet. She was starting to think that she would have to brush off her rusty kickboxing skills and fight this guy if he tried anything physical. She hadn't studied all that long, and she was completely out of practice in the skills she had learned. She hoped that whatever she had retained would be enough.

Just as Warren leaned over to her and opened his mouth for what she assumed was another obnoxious leering comment, she saw Spike pull up in the parking lot. Her hero.

She leaped up and walked quickly over to where Spike had gotten out of the car. He opened his arms for a hug and a quick kiss, never taking his eyes off Warren in the process.

"Hey, pet," he greeted her with a quick smile, then turned his attention back to Warren. "Warren." There was no smile now.

Buffy was surprised that they knew each other. She looked back at Warren, who was standing now and staring intensely at Spike. She looked up again and saw that Spike was staring just as intensely back. No words were spoken between the two, but they continued the staring contest, and Warren finally backed off and left, walking down the street in the opposite direction, calling out a friendly, "See ya next time, Strawberry!" over his shoulder as he went.

Spike looked down at Buffy with a furrowed brow, the question a silent one. She ignored it for now, and burrowed further into his arms. She felt safe with Spike, and wanted to pretend that the whole Warren thing hadn't happened.

Spike could see she was determined to shut down any line of questioning in the Warren area, and decided to let her for now. But he was just as determined to know the answers, and told himself that he'd come back to it later.

"Ready for our date, luv?"

"Oh **yeah**," she smiled up at him.

He opened the car door for her and shut it softly behind her once she was in. As he walked around to the driver's side, he gazed after Warren, who was still visible far up the street. He didn't like that she knew him, that she was sitting with him, and that he seemed to be so familiar with her. And he **really** didn't like what he called her as he left. As much as Buffy had already told him about herself, there were still a hell of a lot of things he didn't know about her yet. He had trusted Drusilla implicitly, foolishly, and got nothing but grief and heartache and betrayal for his naiveté. He wasn't going to make that mistake again.

xxxxx

_Note: For anyone not familiar with the term, 'strawberry' is a word used to describe a woman, usually a girl, who hangs out at a drug dealer's house and trades her body for drugs. _

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No, not every male in this story is plotting to get their hands on Buffy. I am going somewhere with this, so please be patient. It's been a hard week for Buffy, so we're not all fluffy right now. I promise to have some lighter chapters ahead, if you can stick with me through the hard parts too. Like I said, it's a long journey.

Sara

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**Chapter Forty-Seven**  
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_**Rocky Places, Part One**_

They drove in silence for a few minutes, Spike not knowing just what to say and Buffy wondering why things were suddenly so uncomfortable. She looked over at him, and saw that he continued to stare at the road straight ahead, and that his jaw was doing that tense twitching thing. He seemed upset. But why? Why would he be --

_Oh.  
_  
That was stupid. She thought that he must be jealous of Warren. And here she was all relieved that Spike had come in time to rescue her. Boy did he have **this** all wrong.

"I'm so glad you came when you did," she offered, glancing out the passenger side window, trying for casual. She didn't want him to think she was trying too hard to sell this. "That Warren guy gives me the creeps." She emphasized her statement by giving a slight shudder.

Spike heard the words, but it took him a moment to process them. Warren gave her the ... Well. That was good news. He didn't look her way yet, though. He wanted to play it cool, not let her see how much seeing her with that wanker had affected him.

"That so?" Was that cool enough? He resisted looking her way to see how she was responding. He didn't want to seem too desperate.

"Well, yeah. He'd been staring at me last week and this week, and then he followed me after the meeting was over tonight, and I just couldn't shake him off. He sat down next to me in the only lighted area there was out there, so I was kinda stuck there with him, didn't want to risk standing in the dark, you know?" There. Was that enough detail to get his mind out of whatever stupid loop he was playing in his head?

_Boys are so fragile.  
_  
Spike was both relieved and angered by her explanation. Relieved that she was telling him that Warren's attentions were one-sided only. And angered that Warren was pursuing her, in spite of what he was being told were her efforts to get away from him.

Buffy glanced his way and saw his jaw twitching even more than previously, if that were even possible. What was his problem now? God, she hoped he wasn't one of those possessive stalkery types. This was only their second date, and they'd known each other less than two weeks. If he was going to go all _'Sleeping with the Enemy'_ on her already she was going to have to seriously reconsider the idea of a relationship with him, no matter how attracted they were to each other. If she'd learned anything at all in that damned mandatory domestic violence class last week, it was to take any danger signs seriously and early on. Ignoring them could only lead to the bad. 

Spike was oblivious to Buffy's stalker-boyfriend concerns, his worries centering around the danger Warren might pose to a girl Spike already considered his girlfriend. He was going to have to talk to Warren in a way that the other boy could understand, and make him see in no uncertain terms that Buffy was someone he'd need to give a wide berth. And he was going to have to do it soon, before Warren tried anything or got it into his head that she was somehow his to claim. Warren was very caveman that way, and didn't let a little thing like a girl being uninterested in him prevent him from seeing her as 'his'.

Warren was a year ahead of them at Sunnydale High, a senior with a reputation as a stone-cold misogynist with utter contempt for girls and women. Spike knew that Warren had pretty thoroughly cowed and abused the two girlfriends he'd had who attended the high school. If he had any further relationships they were with girls from outside the school, his reputation having pretty much ruined any chances he had with Sunnydale High girls at this point. At least, not any girls who didn't have some deep psychological damage that caused them to seek out abuse from a boyfriend.

Spike didn't get it, but he knew there were girls and women like that, who sought that kind of hurt for reasons even they might not understand. He had actually discussed that with Olivia once when she was over for dinner. Although she had admitted there were some women who craved that kind of abuse, the vast majority of women wound up in those kinds of relationships through no fault of their own, the men having fooled them and then showed their true colors later, conditioning them to more and more serious abuse over time. Most women would not enter into a relationship with such a man if they knew what he was like in advance, and Warren's rep at the high school pretty much ruled out his fooling any girls who had been paying even a little attention to the school rumor mill.

As Spike was contemplating the slimy abusive bastard that was Warren, and considering just how far he'd have to go to get him to stay far away from Buffy, he was completely oblivious to the fact that Buffy was contemplating whether Spike himself were such a boy. If he had known her train of thought he would have been completely floored. Not in a million years did Spike look at himself in such a way.

Life was full of such ironies.

"How do you know him?" Buffy tried to end the weird jaw twitching silence. It was making her nervous.

"Goes to school with us. He's a senior," Spike looked over at her in time to see her face fall at that bit of news. "Has a well earned rep for being a right bastard in general and to girls in particular. You'll want to stay away from him, pet." He truly was warning her for her own protection, and the fact that he was being possessive as well he considered just a secondary concern where Warren was concerned. Even if Buffy decided she wanted nothing to do with Spike, she didn't deserve to wind up in Warren's clutches.

Buffy sighed deeply. "Great. I was hoping that I only had four more meetings with him and then I'd never have to deal with him again." She looked out the window, watching the rugged shoreline as they drove by, and wondered if she were ever going to catch a break here. She glanced back over at Spike and reconsidered her complaint -- she'd caught a pretty big break already, though. The biggest. She hid a smile and went back to gazing at the dark scenery.

"He say anythin' in the meetin' about why he's in there?" Spike was genuinely curious. He knew that Warren dealt drugs small time on campus and elsewhere, but was quite surprised that he'd been ordered into a substance abuse group meeting recently. He was pretty certain that if Warren had been caught actually dealing drugs that the law wouldn't simply order him to substance abuse meetings. He thought they'd lock him up. Spike thought that perhaps it had been something more minor, like getting caught drinking in public, but it was just speculation. He hadn't heard anything about him having been arrested or convicted of anything at all.

Buffy was uncomfortable with this line of questions. They had been told in very strong terms that what is said in group stays in group. Not even for Spike, and not even against the slime ball that was Warren, could she feel right in breaking that promise.

"Um, well ... I can't tell anyone what is said in the meeting. It's a rule, one of the biggest rules." She looked apologetic.

"I see," he was disappointed. He had hoped to glean some information. "I understand, luv, don't worry about it, I was just curious is all."

She felt bad; she wanted to tell him something. "Well, I guess it can't hurt to say that he hasn't said why he's there, at least not in the two sessions I've been in. But if he ever does, I can't tell you. So ..." she trailed off uncertainly.

"I understand, pet, thanks." Spike nodded. He supposed he was going to have to ask his most pressing question now. He didn't want to ask this, but found himself unable to resist nonetheless. He felt it strongly, this imperative to know **why**. To know why Warren had said **that**, no matter how ridiculous Spike believed with his whole heart that it was, that it had to be. He was dismayed that he found he couldn't let himself ignore this, not after what he'd been through with Drusilla. 

"Luv, please don't take this wrong, and don't get upset or anythin', but I have to ask," he glanced over at her as they came to a stoplight. She was looking at him earnestly, obviously not having any clue where he was going with this. "Why did he call you that, pet?" Spike braced himself to hear her answer. 

"What?" Her brow furrowed in confusion. What had who called her? She thought a moment before it came to her. Eyes huge and mouth gaping, she exclaimed, "Are you serious?! You actually asked me that? That question actually came out of your **mouth**!?"

_Uh oh. _Spike braced himself for the fury that he knew was about to be unleashed. He was really regretting this move already. What was wrong with him, that he was so jaded now, so cynical? He damned Drusilla for her lies and games. He believed it was her fault that he'd become so suspicious, so skeptical. He kept his eyes straight ahead, not wanting to see the look on her face right now.

But then he heard it, clear as breaking glass. She was laughing. Crazy, dangerous, not-funny laughing. He swung his head around, frowning at her in surprise.

"You thought ...?! How could you possibly think ...?! What the hell?! Oh my God, that is fucking **priceless**,"She was gasping her words out in unfinished sentences, trying to catch her breath and stop this awful, crazy laughing that had suddenly consumed her.

Spike was more than worried. He seemed to have pushed her right over some edge, and he wanted to pull her back up with him again.

"Luv? I'm sorry, really, I just didn't know what to think when he called you that, and --"

"No, no, no. Please! Don't apologize!" she gasped out while she pulled herself together again. "Why **wouldn't** you think that? Why wouldn't **anyone** think **anything at all **about me, anything at **all? **I mean **really**?"She continued to laugh in gasping spurts as she sarcastically cried out, "'Unwed teenage mother', 'crack whore', 'condoms **ribbed for her pleasure', 'strawberry!'**" She shook her head in utter amazement. "I guess I should be relieved the serial killer leaves **semen** on his victims. I'm pretty sure **I can't **do that. They can't accuse me of that ..." She had wound down some now, and was sitting tensely and staring out the passenger window again, just shaking her head slowly back and forth. Now that she had calmed some she was suddenly very tired. She let out a great shuddering sigh.

Spike was so astonished by her outburst that he pulled the car over to the side of the road in order to avoid accidentally smashing into something while his entire attention was diverted to Buffy. And his entire attention was indeed on the girl sitting next to him in his car.

For a few moments there was no sound but that of the ocean on one side and the occasional car passing on the other. She wasn't looking at him, and she was no longer laughing. Spike was dismayed to realize that he had opened some great gaping wound and he was regretting it deeply. He didn't know a lot about her, but he really did believe her when she told him she was innocent, and the things he'd heard just now, compounded by his own question, were a revelation into what her life must have been like these last couple of weeks. He could just kick himself for adding to that burden. He really was an idiot sometimes, he thought ruefully.

"Luv?" She didn't acknowledge him. "Pet, please turn aroun', let me talk to you." His voice took on a pleading quality that he usually despised in himself, but he was helpless to stop. He wanted to fix this so badly. Even if that meant ...

"I told you I was with a girl for a year, a girl who betrayed me," he began hesitantly, speaking to her back. He saw her unbuckle her seat belt and then lean to the side and touch her head against the window glass with a sigh. He took heart that she seemed to be listening even if she wouldn't look his way. He turned his head to stare at the road ahead of them while he continued. "And she hurt me, hurt me bad. Played mind games with me, cheated on me behind m' back. The things I thought I knew about her, the things she told me about herself, turned out to be lies, lies she told right to my face."

Buffy turned around in her seat and looked at him with wide serious eyes as he continued his confession.

"And I believed her, ev'ry time, even when I had every reason not to, I believed. And when I finally saw who she was, what she was, it just ripped me apart. An' I promised m'self I would never put m'self in that position again. And I didn't," he looked down at where his hands had fisted and forced his fingers to relax again, stretched them some. "And then I met you, and I thought that here is someone ..."

He looked up at her, searching her face for some hint as to how she was taking this revelation, which was costing him dearly in the telling of it. "I want so much to believe in you, and I do, luv, I do," He stared at his hands again. "But sometimes ... that hurt ... from before ... it rises up and taunts me, laughs in m' face and makes me doubt. An' I guess that's what happened just now, luv, I let that little doubt poison me and I just felt I had to at least ask the question." He looked at her with anguish in his eyes, and tried to mentally force her to understand, to feel how sincere he was being right now, how much he cared for her and would not for the world want to cause her any hurt. He shook his head sadly and looked back down in his lap. "I shouldna asked you that. I shouldn't ... I know that's not who you are. And I know who Warren is ... An' I'm so sorry, luv, so sorry ... I didn't mean to make you think ... that I thought you ... I'm so sorry ..."

Buffy could see he really meant what he was saying, could almost feel his anguish and pain inside herself, and her heart broke for him. And she had to admit to herself that perhaps she had overreacted to his question. It was just the last thing, the thing that was the perfect cap to a hellish two weeks and she had just snapped. And it wasn't his fault that she'd had a crappy two weeks. He'd actually been one of the few good things that she could cling to in the whole two weeks, and he didn't deserve to have to take the heat for what other people had said and done to her. She felt very guilty for having caused him such pain here, now, and couldn't help but feel that she could have handled this whole conversation a lot better than she had done.

She reached out and took one of his hands in hers, and squeezed gently. When he looked up at her she smiled softly at him, and was relieved to feel him squeeze back a little.

"It's possible I overreacted. Just a little bit," she admitted with a tiny quirk of a smile. "It's been a weird coupla weeks."

"Yeah," he squeezed her hand again, and then pulled her over the seat toward him for an embrace. "I kinda got that." He smiled as she settled lightly into his arms, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on top of hers. "So, luv ... we okay again?"

She nodded. "Yep."

He nodded and sighed deeply, relieved that they had gotten through this, and impressed that she was able to hear what he was saying and respond to it. Drusilla, he mused, would have made him suffer for days and extracted blood before she begrudgingly deigned to forgive him. The difference between the two girls was as dark from light.

He kissed the top of her head with a light squeeze of his arms, and the moment was done. She scooted back to her side of the car and buckled herself in. As he pulled out onto the road again, he remembered with amusement something she had said in her anger. "Luv?"

"Yeah?"

"Ribbed?" 

She blushed deeply, muttering "Oh God, I said that ... Out loud ... To you." She shook her head and avoided his amused glances her way. "Let's just say that my new foster parents are **way weird**, and just leave it at that for now, okay?" She looked over at him hopefully.

He thought her blushes were adorable. He nodded agreeably. After a few moments of silence, they both started chuckling and sneaking peeks at each other which just increased their merriment.

He didn't know what the hell half of what she had said was about, but he had a very strong feeling that everything was going to be all right.

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Author's Note: This is part two of Buffy and Spike's second date. I haven't forgotten her issues, don't worry. Things are going along the way they need to and I for one think she could use a break. After all, her primary coping mechanisms _are_ repression and compartmentalization. Not a good long term plan, but perfect for the occasion.

Please leave a review if you can. I am especially concerned about my ability to properly write the dating chapters.

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**Chapter Forty-Eight**  
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_**Rocky Places, Part Two**_

Just as Buffy was getting set to ask him where on earth they were going on this date, Spike pulled into a turnout along the beach, into a small parking lot that was completely deserted on this dark December evening. Buffy looked a question at him, but he just smiled and killed the engine.

"Hungry?"

"Actually, yeah," she admitted as she watched him lean back and grab a basket off the floor in the back seat. "What's that?" she grinned delightedly.

"Dinner. Jenny made it for me, so there's really no tellin' what might've wound up in here."

Buffy hesitated, then asked nervously, "Is she a bad cook?"

He smiled as he watched her eye the basket doubtfully. "Well, she's a good enough cook, I think, but her idea of _what's_ good to cook is hit or miss sometimes. Evr'y once in a while she'll get on some kick or t'other, and suddenly we're all sittin' down to a meal o'grubs for dinner."

"Grubs?" Her eyes grew large. "Seriously?"

He just chuckled. "Well, maybe not that bad, but there've been ... Let's just say that her macrobiotic phase ... Was. Not. Good." He peeked inside the basket with exaggerated caution. "Well, nothin's still movin', so that's a good sign."

Buffy reached over and playfully thwapped him on the head. "Stop it. I'm sure she made a perfectly good and normal dinner for us."

He winked and handed over the basket. "Have a look, then."

She looked inside and saw what looked like cold meat sandwiches, a clear container of orange slices, a couple of large cookies in plastic wrap, some bottles of cola and ...

"Beer?" She quirked an eyebrow at Spike.

He just shrugged and admitted, "That may have been added after she packed the meal. I really don't recall ..." A slow wicked grin made it's way across his face, and Buffy thought he looked like pure evil. But in a good way. 

"Sooo... you pick me up from my substance abuse meeting and hand me a beer?"

Spike looked stricken. "Well, I ... I mean ... God, luv, I didn't mean ..."

Buffy laughed at his stammerings. "**Kidding! **I told you I was only there for the mandatory parental preaching factor. I don't have any substance abuse problem to be worrying about. It's fine."

"But you don't have to --"

"No, I'll have one. As long as you _only_ have one. _No_ driving under the influence, _ever_. We saw a drunk driving film tonight ... " She shuddered. "So not good."

"Noted." He nodded wisely.

She looked dubiously out at the dark night, at the waves crashing on the shore, and the breeze she could see moving through the trees. "Where are we going to eat? It's all dark out there."

"Well, I thought we could eat in the car, then take some blankets out to those rocks right there," he indicated a short way up the beach where a huge breakwater of giant boulders continued up onto the beach, about sixty feet along the sand and up to the tree line. "There's a spot there, on the sand where the rocks make a kind of shallow alcove, just far enough in to keep protected from the wind. If we sit there, with the blankets, we can watch the moon over the ocean rather cozily, I think." He watched her carefully to see if she was uncomfortable with the idea, and was relieved to see her smile.

They could only get a couple of stations to come in from where they were parked, so it was either country-western or rockin' oldies. Both were relieved when they instantly agreed that the oldies station was the better option, and they ate their modest meal while laughing and singing together some of the old songs they recognized.

As she ate, Buffy was struck by the realization that she honestly trusted him. She really did. She knew part of her trust was based on Willow's assurances that Spike was indeed a good guy, and worthy of that trust. Coming from someone like Willow who had known him for years, that meant something to Buffy. She also thought her trust came from the way Spike had opened up to her about things that were painful and in some cases went against his best interests to tell her. She recognized that he was playing fair with her, and was trying to have a real relationship with her.

That Spike was no **physical **danger she was as certain as anyone could ever be. It was still possible that he might break her heart, but she believed that if he did it wouldn't be because he was playing her for a fool.

With this new trust came the question of whether she thought that the original plan of 'more than six weeks' was still necessary. She thought it wasn't. She no longer felt as though she needed to 'test' him in order to be sure she wasn't just the latest in a long line of discardable girls to him. They had crossed a line somewhere in the last week, and she felt sure of him now.

But although she had decided to set aside the 'six-week' test, she didn't think that she was yet ready for full intimacy. Not yet. On their first date he had assured her that they would go at her pace, and that he wouldn't push anything for which she was unready. So she wasn't too concerned about that right now, and felt that she could trust Spike to behave himself even when they were completely alone in a romantic place, such as they were tonight.

Her immediate and real concern now was that he'd told her that she would set the pace and that when she said 'only kissing', that is where they would stay until she said otherwise. At first she saw this as all good, as it gave her control, and she found that to be a great relief. But there was a downside to it. Did it also mean that they would go no further unless **she made the move to do so? **

She'd be hugely embarrassed to make such a move; she couldn't visualize herself doing that at all. But if he was waiting for her to tell him they could take another step, then how would he know if she didn't let him know? She had zero experience in this whole dating relationship thing. As far as she'd ever understood it, the guys tried to do things, and the girls stopped them from doing them, until they wanted to do the same things as the guys did, and then they just didn't stop them anymore. It was simple. It was time-tested. It meant you could leave the driving to someone else and not take so much responsibility for whatever ultimately happened. That was the way it worked in Buffy's imaginary love life, and she had always felt that that was the natural order of things. But this wasn't imagination any more, and here she was sitting next to a living breathing male with all the right urges and parts and she wasn't at all sure that it really worked like that. That it ever had really worked like that. Wasn't even sure that it **should** work like that.

She could come up with no immediate solution to her quandary, and just hoped that things would work out when they were in the moment. Meanwhile, kissing in a rocky alcove in the moonlight, with the sound of the waves crashing in the background, seemed like a little bit of heaven.

xxxxxxx

"There we go, all snug and warm, yeah?"

"Mmm." Yes, as a matter of fact, Buffy was feeling all warm and snug right now. With her hunger sated and the warmth of the beer running through her system, she was feeling all kinds of comfortable. They were settled into the rock alcove, blanket below them and another wrapped around. Spike leaned against a third blanket he had draped over one of the boulders. Buffy sat snuggled into his side, warm and happy. It really was a beautiful place, and although they could easily see the ocean and the moon over the water, they were hidden here from both cold breezes and passing motorists.

It was only eight-fifteen, and there was a lot of evening ahead of them still. But something about sitting there with him, listening to the waves crash on the shore in a steady rhythm, made time seem completely meaningless. She felt as though they had stepped out of time, out of context, out of the rest of the world entirely. Right now it was just the two of them, the rocks, the ocean, the moon -- very basic, very primal. The rest of the world was a fuzzy dream -- some other place, some other time, nothing to do with them at all.

She could feel his hand under the blanket , brushing soothingly up and down her arm as he pulled her in to his side. Felt his other arm come around, wrapping over her stomach, pulling her a little bit closer. Closed her eyes when he kissed the top of her head where it lay against his shoulder.

Yeah, this was nice. Very nice. The whisper of the breeze in the trees, the steady pounding of the ocean, the deep rumbling of Spike's husky voice, softly poetic ...

_"Though the purity  
Of the moonlight has silenced  
Both nightingale and   
Cricket, the cuckoo alone  
Sings all the white night."_

Buffy smiled, turning in his arms to look at him, astonished. "Hey, I know that poem. It's ancient Japanese."

"Well, I thought your ancient poetry sounded interestin', so I might have done a little lookin' about." He smiled softly down at her. So beautiful, like a golden angel ...

"Aww. That's so sweet," Buffy gazed at him adoringly. "Of course, the poem's about a prostitute. But still..."

Spike closed his eyes and dropped his head to his chest. "No."

"Yeah," Buffy smiled softly and nodded, turning in his arms slightly in order to face him more comfortably. "But it's very beautiful, and I really liked it." When she saw that Spike hadn't lifted his head yet she added, "Just the fact that you went to all that trouble to memorize a poem for me ... I can't even say how much that means to me. No one has ever done anything like that for me. That was amazing."

He lifted his eyes to the horizon and shook his head with a chagrined little smile. "Well, that's somethin', yeah?" He turned to look down at her, and thought once again that if anything was amazing, it was her being there with him tonight.

"Yeah." Buffy gazed into his eyes as she cupped his face with both her hands, letting her thumbs caress his sharp cheekbones. "It was very something." She leaned forward and gave him a soft sweet kiss.

Pulling back slightly, she looked deeply into his eyes and saw there the depth of his desire, of his passion. And she felt her own passion rise from deep within.

Slowly he leaned forward, and wrapping his arms around her again, pulled her in for a long, slow kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, putting herself fully into it.

When breathing became an issue, Spike began planting kisses along the column of her throat. She shivered with the electric jolts of pleasure his kisses ignited in her. Spike smiled against her neck, happy to have discovered one of her special spots, even as she arched prettily to give him better access. He stopped a moment to nibble on the delicate shell of an ear, then continued his path across her throat and back to her lips once again. She was wonderfully responsive to his kisses, and he delighted in the little moans and sounds she made as he kissed her.

Buffy was lost in his embrace, intoxicated by his kisses and idly wondering if it were possible to simply stay here forever in his arms. What he was doing to her throat felt incredible, and she never wanted him to stop. Unless of course he left her throat to kiss her lips once again ... just ... like ... that. Ah, yes. Exactly like that.

She wanted to be a little bolder tonight, taking the initiative, and let her tongue slide along his lower lip, seeking access to his mouth. He groaned and opened for her, and their tongues tangled together, seeking, dueling, caressing. She pulled back a bit with a sigh, and leaned her forehead against his own, looking up into his eyes with a lazy smile.

With a sexy smirk, he shifted her gently so that she was now straddling his lap. She was startled for a moment, but then settled down comfortably, liking the better access this gave her to run her hands along his hard chest while she began planting soft kisses along his throat.

He ran his hands up and down her back as she kissed his throat, and then pulled her closer, taking her mouth and plundering it with his tongue, his passion igniting more fully in this new position. He was growing hard, straining against his jeans, and the pressure to find release was incredible. He forced himself to refrain from grinding against her, as difficult as that was proving to be in this position.

She could feel him pressed up against her, his hardness full proof of his desire for her. His desire fueled her own, and she wrapped her arms around his neck once more, pulling him close enough so that her breasts were now tickling his chest as she kissed him. The sensations were overwhelming her -- his tongue was plundering her mouth, his hands were running up and down her back, his straining erection was pressed up against her core due to the new position she had taken in his lap, and her nipples were hardened to sharp points where they made contact, caressing his hard chest.

Lost in the moment, Spike was so incredibly turned on he thought he might explode. He was so taken by her kisses and the way she was moving on his lap that he forgot for a minute his earlier promises and brought his hands around to cup her beautiful breasts, his thumbs caressing the hard tips as she moaned her satisfaction into his mouth.

She felt his hands cover her breasts and knead them gently, and her excitement increased exponentially. She couldn't believe how amazingly good that felt, as his thumbs moved up and started tracing slow circles around both hard nipples. It was electric, and she felt it deep inside her womb, the desire igniting, the passion increasing tenfold.

His haze cleared just enough for him to remember his earlier vow, and he almost panicked. She had stopped him previously, and he had told her he wouldn't go further without her permission, that she controlled where they went in this. But he hadn't honored that promise, and even now was cupping and massaging her beautiful tits, and she was moaning into his mouth and arching into his hands. Obviously she was enjoying this attention, but that was the sexual excitement responding. Would she feel the same once she had cooled off and wasn't overwhelmed with passion? Should he take it as a sign that she was even now pressing herself more fully into his hands, and continue? Or should he back off, remembering and honoring their prior agreement?

Moving his mouth back to her neck and ear, he decided to shift his hands to caress her back once more, and then pulled away slightly on the pretext of catching a breath. He was hoping that by pulling back for a few moments, her reaction to his ministrations would have a chance to cool off a little bit, so that she could think more clearly about what they were doing.

As he pulled back, she lay her head against his hard chest for a moment and tried to catch her breath and think. She had told him that she wasn't ready for that yet but he had gone there again tonight. And truthfully, she loved every second of it. She thought that now that she had decided she trusted him that she had no problem with what they were doing tonight. Her only concern was that he had gone there in spite of their earlier conversation. Was that a problem? Was it just the heat of the moment, or did it mean his promises in this regard were not to be counted upon? Was she sending him the wrong signals, too soon in their relationship? She honestly didn't know, but she was feeling so good that she didn't want him to stop.

Spike was drunk on her kisses, and wanted to continue what they were doing immediately. He decided that now that she'd had a chance to cool off a bit, that he would continue where they left off and if she still did not object he'd take it as a sign that she was fine with it now. It was either that or have a conversation about it, and the last thing he wanted to do now is talk. Action, not words, were his priority now. Besides, if they talked about it she might feel like she had to say no. And, although he felt bad about it, he really really didn't want to encourage her in any way to tell him no.

He pulled her in for another deep kiss, wrapping his arms tightly around her back and pulling her tighter against his bulging erection. He found the strength to resist grinding into her, instead bringing his hands forward again to cup and knead her breasts, playing with her nipples over the soft cashmere she wore this evening. The unearthly softness of the cashmere covering the hard points of her breasts had him so turned on that he feared he might actually come in his jeans. The most important thing right now, however, was that she not only did not object but was once again arching into his caress. She seemed definitely to be okay with this. The fact that she would not be okay if he lost control while caressing her put enough of a chill on his hard-on that he was able once again to assert better control over himself. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her with his demands or by coming in his pants.

For her part, Buffy wasn't feeling the slightest bit scared of either possibility. She was completely intoxicated by him, her brain so totally disconnected from her control that she didn't think she possessed the ability to deny him anything at the moment.

This was heaven. 

xxxxxxx

Eventually, they did have to stop, however reluctantly, and pack up for the drive home. They had gone no further, but had taken another step in a direction that neither was sorry about.

Spike was silent as he drove them back up the coast and into Sunnydale's residential neighborhoods once more. Buffy worried at his silence, wondering if she had been too forward too soon, worried that he might think less of her for it. She was totally confused between what her body wanted, what her mind wanted, what Spike's mind and body wanted, and what she thought society said she should want, what she should do. More than anything she didn't want Spike to think she was too easy.

Spike was thinking as he guided his car along the roads along to Buffy's home that he hadn't enjoyed making out with anyone like that in a very long time. She was absolutely perfect to him, and he hoped he hadn't broken any trust between them on the beach tonight. He wanted to ask her but didn't know how to broach the subject, was uncertain whether he could handle hearing her say that he had gone too far, that he had broken his promise.

"I really enjoyed myself tonight. The dinner, the beach, the ... afterwards," she spoke so softly he just barely heard her admission at all.

The relief washed over him as he realized that she was not going to accuse him, but had been happy as well. This was good.

"Yeah," he smiled gently at her as they pulled up in front of her house at last. Emboldened by her admission, he thought he could risk the conversation now. "I was worried that I might have gone too far, after our talk the other night and all." He watched her carefully, trying to gauge her feelings on the subject. When he saw her blush with a smile, he knew he was okay. "I kinda didn't think first, at least not with my brain, and when I remembered, I thought perhaps you weren't minding too much so I ... Anyway, I apologize if you were upset at all, and if you want to stick to the strictly kissin' again, I would understand, luv."

He looked at her with such hope in his eyes that she couldn't help scootching over and taking him into a light embrace. Which position also offered the added benefit of hiding her face from his gaze while she spoke to him.

"I know. We were both caught up in the moment tonight," she admitted softly. He could feel her smiling against his neck. "But the world didn't end through our sin, so I think it was pretty okay." She gave him a gentle squeeze and pulled back again to look into his eyes. "Very okay."

Spike let out a relieved sigh and smirked, "Yeah? Very okay, eh?"

"Yep. Okay to the power of ten," she smiled right back at him.

"Well, then," he leaned in closer so that their mouths were almost touching. "We'll have to do that again sometime, yeah?"

"Yeah," she grinned right before he took her head in his hands and kissed her deeply and hard.

"We'll have to do that again real soon." Spike rested his forehead against hers and sighed happily. Then he was struck by a sudden thought. "This Friday is New Year's Eve, pet," he pulled back, leaving his arms around her for now. "One of Oz's band mates is hosting a party at his house and all the people you know will be there. It should be fun, and I'd love it if you would go as my date." He watched her hopefully.

Buffy gave it about one second's thought before answering, "Sounds good. Do you know what kind of party it'll be?"

Spike thought a second. "Pretty casual, but the girls usually dress up a bit, you know how girls are, they like to have an excuse to wear all those pretty party dresses and all." He smirked.

She loved his smirk. "Okay then, I'm in. Get me the address so my foster parents can call if they want to -- it's kinda a rule with John right now," she added.

"I'll call you tomorrow with the details for 'em."

"Good."

"Good." 

They both smiled giddily and Spike got out and walked her to her door, lingering for one last good night kiss before the big house swallowed her up again.

_Swallowed her up? Where the hell did that come from? _he puzzled, looking back at the house as he got into his car and drove away. He didn't know why, but that place made him uneasy. He wondered if she felt it, too, or if it was just him. He promised himself that he'd talk to her about it soon.

xxxxxxx

Giles and Jenny were watching television in the living room when they heard Spike come back into the house after his date. He stopped in the entryway to the living room, the picnic basket in his hand.

"Hey, I'm home." he greeted them, then nodded to Jenny. "Thanks for the dinner, Aunt Jenny, it was wonderful as always." 

"You're welcome. She enjoyed it, then?"

"Yeah, she did." he smiled and then turned to take the basket to the kitchen.

"And how was the actual date?" Jenny managed to inquire before he got very far.

He turned back and quirked an eyebrow at the couple on the sofa. "Good," he paused, then added for pure mischief, "Managed to accidentally call her a whore," he turned about and continued his march to the kitchen, calling over his shoulder, "Twice."

"What?!" Jenny exclaimed, and turned to Giles.

He simply closed his eyes and shook his head in resignation. "I don't think I want to know."

Spike heard them as he continued on to the kitchen, and couldn't help the smirk that fell across his face. 

_They're so easy.  
_

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**Chapter Forty-Nine**  
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_**Just Another Tuesday**_

Ten o'clock Tuesday morning, and Buffy was once again settled on the sofa in Olivia's office, waiting for the 'session' to begin. These things made her nervous; she didn't exactly know what to say, or how much. Olivia had said that she didn't report on what exactly they talked about as long as she wasn't suicidal, homicidal, or hurting a child. Everything else was confidential. Buffy hoped that was true; she just didn't know.

Olivia swept into the room, shutting the door behind her with a smile and taking her usual seat. "Good morning, Buffy. How are you today?"

"Good." She shifted nervously, already antsy.

"Before we get started we need to discuss something that has come up unexpectedly."

Buffy held her breath, not knowing where this was going to lead. Everything about her life lately made her nervous.

"I spent Christmas day with some friends here in town, and while I was there discovered that you know them. I would have disclosed this to you last week but I was unaware at that time that we had friends in common."

"Who ... w-who would that be?" 

Olivia noticed she was speaking very carefully and in a little small voice. She was obviously very anxious. Olivia hoped she could put her mind at ease.

"My friends are the Giles family. I believe you know their nephew, William. They have no idea that I know you or that we are having these sessions, I did not tell them a thing," she hurried on to reassure Buffy. "And before you begin to worry, we did not talk about you in any way other than Jenny mentioning to me that William was dating a new girl in town that Rupert was in charge of testing for admission to Sunnydale High School, and that she had a baby. That was enough for me to know that you were the girl in question. It was just a passing comment and nothing further was said. When I told you that this was confidential I did mean it, Buffy. I will not reveal to them anything that you have not given me direct permission to tell."

Buffy was shocked. Small town life really did suck. She kept silent and thought about what Olivia had said for a moment, then frowned. "What do you mean, that I give you permission to tell them? What would you think I'd want you to tell?"

"Nothing important, perhaps simply that I know you, or that you are seeing me ... or not ... it is entirely up to you. I simply wished you to have the option to let them know whatever you choose, and hope that you will let me know what you decide so that I know what you are not telling them. As I said, they are my friends, so I will see them frequently and it is possible, probable even, that we will run into each other in their home. If we know beforehand what the boundaries are with respect to the Giles family, or to any family member in particular, then the chance meeting will be less stressful and confusing for both of us.

"There is also the option, of course, that you may wish to change therapists entirely, and I certainly understand if you wish to do so. I will need to inform Tanya of the situation, of course, should you decide to proceed with a change."

Buffy wasn't sure what she thought about all of this, but she did know she didn't want a new therapist. She thought Olivia was someone she could maybe talk to, and if she said she'd keep things confidential she was going to go out on a limb and decide to believe her. She had to believe in somebody.

"Okay, that's okay." Buffy nodded thoughtfully. "It's okay to tell them you met me as a new patient. I've already told Spike -- um, William -- about my situation and he knows I'm seeing someone but I didn't mention your name or anything. As long as you don't tell them what I tell you, then that's okay, I guess."

Olivia was unsure whether Buffy was comfortable with this decision or was making it out of some sense of obligation, out of a desire to be polite and nonconfrontational. "I'll tell you what. Why don't you think about this for the next week, and if you still feel comfortable with telling them, we will proceed as planned. Will that work for you?"

"Sure, that would be good." She smiled gratefully, glad that the older woman understood her hesitation. Yeah, she thought she liked this therapist a lot so far, and if she had to see someone, this was someone she would like to see.

"I know for sure I don't want to change therapists, though. I want to stay here." She assured her softly. "If you don't mind having me."

Olivia smiled and shook her head. "Of course I don't mind having you here. I look forward very much to getting to know you. I think you are a very special young woman."

Buffy tried to act cool about it, but she couldn't help but smile when Olivia told her that. It was good to have an adult woman in her life that didn't seem to be ...

Insane.

xxxxxxx

There it was, the old apartment building. Remembering what happened here last week, she was very cautious in approaching the bar. Deciding to go in through the back entrance instead of the front door, she saw Mr. Kralik was tending bar this time. Startled to see her standing there, he did a double take.

"Heya honey," he smiled his nervous little smile. "Didn't expect to see you today."

"Hi," she greeted him with as much confidence as she could muster. "I just came by to get my mail and to get some clothes out of storage. Would that be alright?"

"Sure! Sure thing, honey, let me see, there was a little mail this week ... here it is," he removed it from the cabinet behind the bar. "Not too much, but I did see a card from Mrs. Burkle there. Was sorry to see her go, she was a nice lady. Didn't care for her old man, but then that's the usual thing, ain't it? Nice little wife, jackoff husband." He laughed at his observation, and Buffy smiled politely.

"Here ya go!" He handed her the mail and then deposited two keys in her hand as well. "There's the keys. Your stuff is in number nine." A customer came up and Mr Kralik's attention was immediately diverted to the sale.

"Thank you, Mr Kralik," She smiled at him as she left to go down to the basement.

"Yeah, honey, you too," he called after her distractedly.

xxxxx

It was two tiring hours later and Buffy had finally made her choices and filled two large department store shopping bags with clothes, shoes, and accessories from storage.

Sitting at the bus stop, she became lost in thought, wondering where Faith might be now, and whether or not she was happy. Healthy. God, was she even **alive**. She was running with a very dangerous man, among what were probably more dangerous people. Anything at all could happen to her. Truth be told, Buffy was annoyed with Faith for leaving her in such a mess, but loved her all the same and wanted nothing more than for her to be safe and happy, wherever she might be. She knew that Faith would not have done what she did if she thought she had a better choice. Her constant prayer was that Faith would get out of this horrible situation alive and well. Faith had rescued her plenty of times as they were growing up. Providing Buffy and Katie a home when they had no place else to go was just the final kindness in a lifetime of them. Buffy had hoped one day to return the favors, and prayed fervently that she would have the opportunity some day.

**honk honk**

Buffy was pulled out of herself when a car pulled up right in front of her. With a start she realized it was Ben, driving a shiny black convertible.

"Hop in, I'll give you a ride home." Ben was flashing a wide smile, his eyes hidden behind dark wraparound shades.

"Well," Buffy hesitated, looking back toward the direction from which the bus would be coming. It was probably going to be another half hour. She was already tired of waiting, and Ben's car looked pretty good. "Okay, thanks." She smiled and got in the passenger seat. 

"We can put those bags in the trunk." Ben was already moving to pop the trunk, when Buffy quickly stopped him.

"No, I can hold them here. I'd rather hold them. Thanks." She didn't know why, but she didn't want to see her stuff disappear into his car like that. She clutched them a little tighter in her lap.

She couldn't tell what Ben was thinking behind his sunglasses, but he wasn't smiling when he remarked, "Suit yourself." The car peeled out from the curb, jolting Buffy and forcing her to hang on for balance.

_Sheesh! _She was already sorry she'd accepted the ride.

They drove in silence for a few minutes. That had always been the way with them, they never had anything to talk about past the initial greeting. Buffy considered and discarded several topics of conversation, and had finally settled on asking about his internship when she was stopped short by a sudden look at her surroundings. They weren't going to her house the way she usually did - the direct route. Ben seemed to be taking a circuitous path along strange streets, heading not for the affluent neighborhood of her foster home, but toward the working class section of Sunnydale. It wasn't **entirely** the wrong direction, but it made her nervous just the same.

"Where are we going?" She tried to make it sound natural. Hoped it sounded natural.

"Oh, your house, I just have a shortcut I like to take." Ben glanced over and she could see his mouth smiling, her own face reflected back to her in his sunglasses.

She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was just something off about this ride today, and she wanted out of the car right away. But how did she do that without insulting him or acting bizarrely when she had absolutely nothing to pin her unease upon? She had to live with his sister, and she didn't want to cause trouble at home by insulting or accusing her brother for no reason. She had to get out of his car in some natural, nonconfrontational way.

As Buffy quickly ran through and discarded various scenarios, she realized that she recognized the name of the street they were on. In an instant she had made her decision. Clutching her bags closer, she waited for him to pull up to a stop sign. As soon as the car stopped, and without any warning, she opened the door and quickly stepped out of the car, only turning around to him when she knew she was completely clear.

"My gosh look where we are I promised my friend Willow that I'd stop over and show her my clothes and we're supposed to study this afternoon too so I'm just gonna get out here she lives right near here thank you _so _much for the ride Ben I **really** appreciate it see you later bye!" The words whooshed out in a steady stream as Buffy smiled brightly and cheerfully slammed the car door closed, waving at Ben as she walked quickly down the street in the opposite direction. She prayed that the ditzy blonde act had worked.

When enough time had passed Buffy risked a look over her shoulder to see if he'd actually driven away; she saw no sign of him. She knew she needed to get off the street in case he decided to loop back, but she'd been lying about Willow's house being here. Willow didn't live anywhere near here. However, she wasn't lying when she'd said she had recognized the street name.

She remembered it from a conversation she'd had with Willow: this was Xander's street.

xxxxxxxxx

Buffy found her way to the block Xander lived on pretty quickly. Willow had mentioned it was a block up from this creepy park, and she could see the park up the street now. It was just three blocks from where she'd bolted from Ben's car. Her confidence was further boosted when she actually spotted Xander on his front porch getting the mail. She called out to him from two houses down, frantically praying he wouldn't mind his impromptu visitor.

Xander turned around and gaped when he saw Buffy cutting across a neighbor's lawn to get to his house, lugging two shopping bags with her. His first impression was that she had somehow dropped out of the sky and onto his street, his confusion at seeing her there was so complete. He looked up and down the block for any sign of a strange car but noticed nothing.

_Like she fell out of the fucking sky.  
_  
He was really having trouble with the concept here. He barely knew this girl. Except for that whole gluing herself to his side when he went for drinks at the _Bronze_ that time ... And anyway didn't they all decide she was totally into **Spike? **Hadn't Spike pretty much **claimed **her for himself already? Why was she coming to **his** house? He thought that if Spike knew she came here to visit him, alone, he would not be a happy camper.

"Hi!" Buffy gave him her best open and friendly smile. "I was just in the neighborhood and ..." she trailed off, looking hopefully at him as she came to a stop before his porch.

Xander continued to stare at her with his mouth slightly open, trying to come up with some explanation for her appearance there, today. When he could think of no rational reason for the girl on his doorstep, his thoughts finally came round to remembering his manners.

"Hi?" It was more of a question than a greeting.

Buffy decided that this was not going very well so far, but she needed immediate shelter from Ben, who could be looking for her at this very minute. She knew she was being paranoid, but something about Ben today was paranoia-inducing and she didn't want to take any chances. She was going to be rescued by Xander even if she had to muscle her way into his house to get him to do it.

"So, this is your house?" She walked up onto the porch and stood next to him without waiting to be asked. She saw that Xander hadn't moved an inch, and was still standing there staring at her in shock. Well, ditzy blonde worked on most guys. She'd bet it worked on this one, too.

"I was just picking up some clothes from my old apartment and was walking home when I saw you standing here and boy am I **tired! **You think I could come inside and get a glass of water?" She was talking animatedly, giving him her best wide expectant smile, slowing down only to glance back nervously at the street.

Something inside Xander finally clicked.

_She's __**scared**_he realized in shock. _What the -?  
_  
"Yeah, sure, come on in," he glanced discreetly down the street in the direction she had come from, and waved her inside ahead of him.

Relieved, she nodded gratefully at him and hurried through the door. 

xxxxx

As he followed her inside, he thought ruefully that she might think twice about considering his house a safe haven once she got the big Harris welcome from dear old dad. The elder Harris was out of work and in rare form today. Xander really hated school holidays.

"Sooo ... welcome to Casa Harris," he turned to her as he closed the door. He saw her lively countenance completely deflate with the closing of the door; her anxiety rushing to the surface once she knew she was behind closed doors. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Of course!" she quickly covered. As she saw Xander's skeptical expression, she knew it wasn't working. "Okay, not exactly. I kinda needed to get out of someone's car fast and I remembered Willow telling me where you lived, and so ... I just headed here." She smiled apologetically. "Sorry. I didn't plan to just pop in on you like this. It's so rude. I just didn't know where else to go here."

Xander smiled at the young woman standing in his entry hall. "No problem. Where there's a damsel in distress, I am the man. Or perhaps something not so completely lame. Anyway, come on in and I'll get you a drink and you can decide what you want to do."

"Thank you," Buffy smiled in relief as she followed him into the kitchen.

"We have ice water and ... well, we have ice water," he stood before the refrigerator, waiting for her to acknowledge his offer.

"Ice water sounds wonderful, thanks Xander."

"I'd say sit down, but it's better if we take this upstairs to my room," he was pouring the water into a glass he'd grabbed from the dish drainer. Buffy had been glancing around the room curiously when his words finally penetrated.

"Um, take it upstairs?" she asked hesitantly, uncertain of Xander's intentions suddenly.

Xander for his part didn't pick up on her unease at first. Once he examined her question, though, he turned around so fast water sloshed out of the glass.

"No! Oh, no no no!" he rushed to assure her. "A thousand times with the no! I just meant that it's better if we go to my room because that way we won't risk running into ... anyone else who might be living here. Anyone else being my, uh, my dad ..." Xander grinned sheepishly. "You really don't want to meet him. Really. Really not."

"Jesus Christ on a stick! What the hell you doin' in there boy!?" a voice slurred angrily from the hallway.

Xander closed his eyes miserably, opening them again as he stepped closer to Buffy. "Okay, I want to go on record as saying **I'm sorry**. Really really sorry." He whispered as he handed her the glass, bracing himself for what he knew was coming.

"Wha--?" she began to ask when a large disheveled man loomed suddenly in the doorway to her right. _**Oh**_Now she understood. The man was obviously Mr Harris, and he wore nothing but well-worn red boxer shorts, his belly spilling over the top, and a wifebeater that didn't quite reach their waistline. He was meaty and tattooed and had what appeared to be several days worth of stubble on his face. He stopped in the doorway to the kitchen, and openly leered down at Buffy.

"Or **who** the hell you doin', eh?"

_Well, isn't this just the perfect day now, _Buffy smiled politely at the man she assumed to be Mr. Harris. 

"Hi."

"Uh, dad," Xander shifted uncomfortably. "This is Buffy Summers. She's new here, and uh, she's Spike's girlfriend." He looked at her as he mentioned this last, not sure whether she knew that they considered her to **belong** to Spike, in that way that men seemed to do. She didn't seem to have any trouble with the statement, which was a relief. He didn't want any more drama here than was already shaping up on its own.

"**Spike's** girlfriend!? Heh. Yeah, aren't they all? Sure as hell ain't **yours**. Ya little fag." Mr Harris clapped Xander on the back so hard the boy lurched forward into the kitchen counter, immediately recovering his upright position with as much dignity as he could.

Buffy was fascinated that the disgusting man before her was able to leer at her, insult both her and his son, and finish up with a righteous belch all at the exact same time. That was a talent she hadn't seen demonstrated since her last visit to Aunt Darlene's house.

"Um, thanks Xander. For the water," she acknowledged the glass in her hand. She couldn't help noticing his hands had started to shake a bit.

_Now __**he's**__ scared, _she realized with a jolt.

"Um, you were going to give me that book Willow loaned you," Buffy started to cover and get them out of there. "I'm just not going to be able to pass that test next month if I haven't read it yet, and silly me, I just can't remember where I put mine." Ditzy blonde, act three.

Xander stared at her blankly for a moment, then started when he realized that Buffy was throwing him a line to get them out of the kitchen and on up to his room. "Yeah, I have it upstairs. There's a couple other ones you'll need, too. Why don't you come up and you can see if they're what you're lookin' for."

She decided to take the lead now. "Okay," she nodded. "Nice to meet you, Mr Harris," she remarked breezily to the large man as she passed him through the doorway, trying to give him a wide berth. She headed toward the stairs, hoping Xander would quickly follow her.

Xander took his cue and followed her out and up the stairs. At the top of the landing she was waiting for him to guide her to his bedroom. She was a little surprised when he took her to another small flight of stairs, up to a sort of attic room at the very top of the house. It was a fully finished room, with large wide windows all along the front wall that looked out over the street. It looked to Buffy to be a combination attic/sun porch more than a regular room. It was furnished with a beat up dresser and desk on one side of the room, while a mismatched single bed and night stand stood on the other side. There were rock and movie posters covering much of the wall space, and in general it was a prime example of the usual disheveled clutter of a teenage boy's room. It was a mess, but she kinda liked it. With the strange shape and the windows and all, it was different than your usual bedroom, and seemed cozy enough up here at the top of the house. There was a nice sturdy lock on the inside of his door, too. She could see how it would seem like a true sanctuary from the insanity that appeared to dwell on the lower floors.

"I love your room," she turned around in a circle, taking it all in. "It's so different. So you." She realized that could be misinterpreted. "That's a good thing, by the way. You, I mean. You're different in a really good way. Difference is good. I like different!" Okay, the nervousness was making her babble needlessly at this point. She needed to calm herself down.

She took a big breath and faced him directly with serious eyes. "I really appreciate you letting me drop in like this. And don't worry about your dad. I have a lot of experience with embarrassing parental units. I could tell you tales that would turn your hair."

He had hidden his dysfunctional family from his friends as much as possible over the years, hating to see either contempt or pity in their eyes. When he looked at Buffy now, Xander saw only quiet understanding.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiled softly.

The two teens sat on his bedroom floor for a couple of hours that afternoon and swapped tales of hilarious, embarrassing, and terrifying family moments. It didn't make the hurt any less terrible, but it was a relief to be able to tell the truth to someone who could honestly understand and even laugh at their absurdly weird and often dangerous family lives.

They each seemed to have an endless supply of stories to tell.

xxxxxx

Once his dad passed out in the late afternoon, Xander was able to lift the car keys to drive Buffy back home.

As he drove, Xander found himself thinking that he hadn't enjoyed having a guest over to his house in ages. His parents usually made him so nervous that he spent most of his time trying to hide them from his friends, and that meant he usually visited friends rather than bring them home with him. With Buffy, though, it was different. She seemed to really 'get it' about his family. She had told him her own edited tales about life with her parents in New York, and her cousin Faith's mother and her many stepfathers and 'uncles'. She glossed over the foster home situation for now, preferring to keep that close to her chest for the time being.

Xander was relieved that here was one friend who understood his particular brand of pain. He felt bad that her life had been difficult, but was glad for the chance to share his miserable existence with another person who could understand. And it was with a start that he realized that he was glad Spike had changed his mind where Buffy was concerned. Glad that he wasn't going to just use her and throw her away as originally planned.

Xander thought that Buffy deserved a great deal better than that. 

"Xander?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell me anything about Spike's ex?"

Xander startled at the sensitive question. "Uh, well, I don't know ..."

"Oh, I don't mean anything confidential or you know, things that Spike should be telling me if he decides to do," she hurried to explain. "I mean, who is she? What does she look like? Is she in our school, in our grade? Is she someone I'm going to need to watch out for? That kind of thing." She looked over at him hopefully.

Xander considered the questions for a moment. He didn't think there'd be any harm in telling her things any one in the school would already know about.

"She's in our grade, at Sunnydale High. I think she turns seventeen in April sometime. She's ... different. Kinda goth, but not completely. Just that kind of style to a point. Her hair is really dark and she has dark eyes. She's kinda nutty -- like she believes she's clairvoyant and can see people's auras and sometimes predicts their futures. I'm not sure how accurate she is, but she's really into all that stuff. And I now realize I have no idea whether you're into all that stuff too and I may have just totally insulted you there, so ... sorry."

Buffy laughed, "No problem. Not really aura girl here. What else can you tell me?"

"Should you watch out for her?" Xander pulled up in front of Buffy's house as she directed him. "Maybe. Hard to say. She kinda instigated the whole breakup with him -- did things that forced him to break up with her, you could say. And then next thing you know she's dating one of his good friends, who is not so much a good friend any more. So who knows what she'll do when she finds out he's moved on. Maybe nothing, but she's a little nuts like I said, so ... Just be careful."

Buffy leaned forward and embraced Xander in a loose hug. "Thank you for all your help today. I'm really glad I got to know you better, too. And the ride home, and all? Just, thank you."

"No problem," Xander ducked his head in embarrassment.

Buffy gathered her two bags together to get out of the car when she thought of something she hadn't asked him. "By the way, what's her name?"

"Drusilla."

She turned back around in a flash. "**Drusilla**?!"

"Uh ... yeah," he hesitated. "Is there a problem?"

"No! Not at all! No problem at all!" She suddenly smiled hugely at him as she continued to exit the car. "Thanks so much again for all your help, Xander. I don't know what I would have done without you today."

"No problem. Any time you need something and I'm around, you just give a holler and I'll be glad to help you out." He stopped for a moment. "Wow, that totally sounds like there should be a 'little lady' tacked onto the end of that doesn't there?" He grinned bashfully.

"Very John Wayne. And very nice to hear. Thanks again, Xander." she smiled and shut the car door, gathering her bags in either hand and walking quickly up the walkway. 

Xander waited until she was safe inside, and then drove away. 

xxxxx

From the other end of the street, Spike sat at a stop sign. Watching.

xxxxxxxxx

I said not all males in this story would be plotting to get to Buffy, but it was Xander's dad, and he's always been leering and inappropriate and insulting to his only son when I visualize him, and so that's the way I wrote him. Not as someone who is actually trying to get to Buffy, but as someone who is a drunken lout who is trying to embarrass and emasculate his son. I hope that came across.

Thanks for all your lovely reviews. They were very welcome and helped a lot with my date scene insecurities.

Sara


	11. Chapter 50

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Notes: Your reviews are very much appreciated. I want to let you know that because this is a very long story there is a method to the way it unfolds so please don't jump the gun or become impatient at the direction any particular chapter may go. With that said, I do like hearing your thoughts and ideas because it lets me know whether you are following me round that bend there or if I've lost you, and sometimes there's enough wiggle room to zig a little rather than zag in a particular part when enough people really want to see something next. I won't tell anyone what the plot is going to be, but your ideas for steps in the plotline are interesting and sometimes give me little side trips to make that I might not otherwise. Which is my wordy way of saying, 'You Rock'. Thanks.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Fifty**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**What's Going On?**_

Juggling her bags and the house key, Buffy stumbled through the front door, kicking it closed with her foot. Righting herself on her way to the stairs she stopped short at the sight of Ben leaning against the banister, watching her.

_"…"  
_  
"Hello, Buffy," he drawled. "Did you find **Willow's** house okay?"

_"…"_

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. What's that you say?" His tone was neutral, but the attitude was definitely there.

"Um ... Hi," she finally managed to blurt out. "Uh, no, she wasn't there. I - I made a mistake on the street ... I haven't been to her house before so I didn't know ... I confused the addresses and it was another friend's street. I - I spent some time at the other friend's house. Who lives near there. Xander. His name is Xan - Xander." She couldn't seem to stop the tortured explanation from pouring out; didn't even know why she was explaining all of this. There was just some basic instinct urging her to be as truthful as possible in what she told him here, now. Some gut feeling that he was going to know if she were lying.

Ben listened silently to her strange explanation; she was nervous as hell. But since he could detect no lies within he had to grudgingly accept her word for it. Finally he stepped away and without a word motioned for her to pass.

"I'm gonna go put these away and then I've gotta get ready to go to ... Willow's. I'm spending the night over ... I'm just gonna go to my room." She straightened and marched up the stairs with as much dignity as she could find, forcing herself to not look back.

She felt like she'd been working to avoid being bitten by a rabid dog, and she had no idea when she began to feel that way about him. But now? Now she was officially spooked.

xxxx

**Knock Knock**

Buffy paused from packing some overnight things in one of the shopping bags and almost yelled 'come in!' but then thought better of it. You never knew who you were inviting in, and the way things in this house had been going lately she just wasn't taking any chances any more. She opened the door and was surprised to see Rosemary standing in the hall.

"May I come in?"

"Um, sure," Buffy stepped back hesitantly. This was the first time she could recall Rosemary knocking or in any way acknowledging personal boundaries. Huh. "Problem?"

"No, no," Rosemary seemed uncomfortable. "It's just Ben."

"Ben?" Buffy quirked an eyebrow and pretended she had no idea why that would be.

"Yeah." Rosemary sat on the bed and distractedly picked at a thread on the comforter. "He's a little upset today. He came over this morning, and Glory was here, and they got into a **huge** fight." She rolled her eyes in annoyance at the memory and then gave Buffy a small smile.

"After things calmed down some, he offered to take Glory to see some art gallery up the coast that she'd been dying to visit, but she refused, out of spite, to get in a car with him, and so John had to take her instead. And now he says he gave **you** a ride this afternoon, and that **you** started acting weird and pretty much bolted from his car in the middle of a strange neighborhood ... And he's just feeling a little ... misunderstood ... today. Kinda **misused**?"   
_  
Ohhhh ... Shit. _Buffy sat down in the chair by her bed and thought quickly how to save the situation.

"Wow. Um, I didn't know he was upset or anything, he seemed fine in the car. And I did explain to him that I thought I was near Willow's house, and I wanted to show her my things I got out of storage." She hoped this was coming off natural. "I wasn't trying to get **away from **him or anything, I was just trying to go see my friend and we were right there so it seemed like a good time to do it." She smiled with what she hoped was assurance. "That's all."

Rosemary considered the girl before her, and decided to accept the explanation. "Good. I'm glad that's all it was."

"That's all, really. I'm sorry he got upset. It wasn't personal or anything." She thought she was certainly doing a lot of lying lately. And she was mildly shocked that she didn't really care. Self-preservation had kicked in big time and she refused to be sorry for it. "I like Ben, he seems like a really great guy. I don't have any problem with him at all. I hope he doesn't think I do."

"Okay, good," She considered Buffy seriously. "We want you to get along here, Buffy. To fit in. To be part of the family as much as you can. So when there are these ... misunderstandings ... it upsets us. Makes us wonder if you really do want to stay here with us. You understand, honey?"

_Oh, I understand, __**honey**__. You're all lunatics and don't want the psych ward disturbed by some outsider who isn't nuts, too. _Buffy bit her tongue to force those thoughts to remain unexpressed. It was hard. She managed a nod instead.

Rosemary got up and was halfway out the door when she turned back suddenly. "You know what would really help? Why don't you let him drive you to Willow's **now**? A good-faith gesture, no harm done." Rosemary smiled, clearly expecting that Buffy would agree.

"Sure. That'd be great." Buffy pulled upon some of her old cheerleader skills and pasted on her best fake smile.

_Like I can actually say 'no' now.  
_  
"I'll be down in a minute."

xxxxx

Buffy kept that fake smile on as she got in Ben's car for the rather short ride over to Willow's. Ben seemed happy enough to be driving her, and Rosemary was now happy, too. The only one with a problem was Buffy, but she had decided that she'd be better off keeping her feelings under wraps.

As they pulled out of the driveway, Buffy glanced down the street and thought she saw someone she knew up a couple of blocks.

_Is that __**Spike**__?  
_  
She couldn't comprehend why he would be standing outside his car in the street like that. He seemed to be talking excitedly to another man ... _**Xander?**_

xxxxxxx

Spike pulled up to the stop sign and glanced over at Buffy's house before continuing on to make his turn through the sleepy residential intersection. Doing a double-take, he stared intently at the last thing he expected to see there: Xander, in his father's car, giving Buffy a big hug. He watched as Buffy, all smiles, exited the car and then leaned into the car door as she said something to Xander. With a laugh, she slammed the door shut and walked into her house.

He was shocked. What was Buffy doing with Xander? Why was Xander taking her home? Taking her home from where? And why was she **hugging** him?

Earlier in the day, Spike had dropped in to see Buffy regarding details for their New Year's Eve date, but found that she wasn't home. A man named Ben told him she was at her friend Willow's house, and that Spike should go there if he had some pressing need to see the girl. Startled by this statement, Spike blurted out that Buffy couldn't be at Willow's. He knew for a fact that Willow was elsewhere today. He stopped himself then, realizing that he was talking to someone he didn't know or trust about things that were none of his business. Spike had taken an instant dislike to Ben but held his peace on the matter and left, promising himself that he would speak to Buffy about being very careful of this man. Something was off about him, something Spike couldn't quite name but raised his hackles nonetheless.

Having left several messages on Buffy's answering machine with no call back, Spike was growing anxious. He knew in his heart that he was being unreasonable, that there was no reason for Buffy to be home waiting for his call, but his encounter with Ben earlier made him uneasy. He wanted to talk to Buffy, make sure she was okay. By four o'clock Spike could no longer stand the wait and decided to drive over to her house again, see if she had been in contact or returned home yet. Thus was he sitting at the stop sign in the intersection near her home, within full view of Xander's hug. And the tension that had been building inside of him all day exploded.

_**What the bloody hell is going on?!**_**  
**  
Taking a big breath, he forced himself to calm a bit, and then turned onto Buffy's street. Deciding that he would talk to Buffy later, he followed Xander to the next stop sign, pulling up beside him for the stop.

Astonished, Xander looked over at the car that had pulled beside him on the winding two lane street. It was Spike, motioning for him to proceed through the intersection and pull over.

Xander's face fell. With a frustrated sigh, he drove on through the intersection, pulled over, got out of his car and waited for Spike to pull up behind him. He had a sinking feeling that he knew what this was all about.

"Look, Spike," he started as Spike strode forcefully to where Xander was waiting for him.

"What the bloody hell is going on, Xander?!" Spike started to shout at his friend.

"Nothing happened, I was just giving her a ride home." Xander began trying to placate his jealous friend.

Spike pulled back, shocked into reality by the first words out of his friend's mouth. What was he thinking? This was **Xander**, for love's sake. Realizing he was being an idiot with Xander, he quickly switched tacks. It was too late, however, to pull back on the emotions aroused in him, so he blurted out just as angrily, "Of course nothin' happened with **you**, I **know** that!"

Xander was taken aback by the fast turnaround, which had been proclaimed no less furiously than the original question. He wasn't sure what was really fueling Spike's anger any longer, but he did feel that he'd just been insulted.

"Hey! Don't say that like I'm some ... **eunuch** or something! Something **coulda** happened with me! You don't know that! " Xander objected, then stopped and frowned as he realized that he wasn't helping his situation any. "But it didn't. Of course it **didn't**. But it **could have **is all I'm saying." Xander looked down at the pavement and nodded to himself. "Yeah."

Silenced by Xander's odd defense of his own manliness, Spike just stared hard at his friend in wonder. What was he doing? Once again he was making snap judgments and reacting in anger before he even had the facts of the situation. First he had virtually accused his friend of cheating with his girlfriend when neither of them had given him any reason to doubt them, and then immediately turned around and accidentally insulted him by declaring that it was impossible for his friend to be good enough to have actually done so. He thought ruefully that he really needed to think more about what he was saying when he got angry. 

Spike turned around and walked off a few paces, took a deep breath and calmed himself down. Buffy was not Drusilla. Xander was not Angel. Xander was not ... any of those other wankers with whom Dru had cheated on him. He ran a hand through his hair and turned back to Xander. He stared at him in silence for a moment, then sighed.

"I know you **could**, Xander," he acknowledged quietly.

"Damn straight." Xander glared at Spike.

"What I should have said is that you **wouldn't**," he continued, staring seriously at his friend. "You wouldn't do that to me."

"No, I wouldn't," Xander shook his head. "And neither would she."

Spike shook his head. "No, she wouldn't. I do believe that." He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Okay."

The tension lifted, and the two boys let the silence stand for a few moments. Spike broke the silence first.

"What happened today, mate?"

Xander leaned against his car and crossed his arms over his chest. "She told me she was walking home from getting some things from her storage unit at her old place, and accepted a ride from someone she knew. Some guy named Ben. This Ben guy was doing something that made her nervous so she got out of his car near my house and since she was nearby she came over to my house to make sure she got away from him."

Spike was seeing red again. "Ben tried somethin' with her? And she had to run away to escape from him?" This time his voice was quiet, calm ... menacing.

Xander had always thought that 'Spike deadly calm' was a whole lot scarier than 'Spike yelling', so he considered his words carefully. He didn't want his friend to go off half cocked against this guy and make trouble for himself.

"Look, Spike," Xander held up his hands for caution. "This is something you need to discuss with Buffy. She's fine, nothing happened to her, and she stayed at my house for a couple of hours until my dad finally ... fell asleep ... and I was able to borrow the car and drive her home. She's okay. Excellent, actually."

Spike recognized what Xander was trying to do. Spike needed to talk to Buffy and find out what was going on with her, as far as she wanted him to know. The thought that Xander might know more about Buffy's situation than he did was not a welcome idea and Spike made a firm decision to talk to Buffy about what happened that afternoon. Something was wrong at that house, and Spike was not going to stand aside and let something bad happen to her. He stared at Xander again.

"Thanks for taking care of her this afternoon," he nodded. "I'm glad you were there for her, keepin' her safe," he added quietly.

Xander acknowledged Spike's words with a curt nod.

"All right, then. Talk to you later. Thanks, mate." Spike turned and walked back to his car. He was going to find out what happened today, and do everything in his power to make sure that whatever it was didn't happen again.

**Nobody** messed with his girl.

xxxxxxx

Thanks for all your reviews, every one. I really appreciate them. Please leave one for this chapter if you can.

Sara


	12. Chapter 51

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: This is part one of a long chapter. The title of this chapter is taken from a largely autobiographical Eugene O'Neill play which focuses on a very self-centered and dysfunctional family. What, me obvious? _Noooo_. That's silly.

The details Willow gives in her story were true of a friend of mine, whose husband was an anthropologist researching in that same part of the world. A very weird six months of their lives. And Buffy's story example was an exact situation with a friend I grew up with. We avoided playing at her house as much as possible, as it wasn't worth the resulting drama if someone forgot and ... well, I won't spoil the chapter for you. Hope you enjoy, and thank you everyone for your reviews. :-)

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Fifty-One**  
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_**Long Day's Journey Into Night, Part One**_

Buffy watched Ben drive away. She was so glad to be done with him for now, so completely worn out from the stress of the day and ready for some quality Willow-time.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy turned to Willow's front door. The house was a sprawling split level in a solidly middle class neighborhood about five blocks from Buffy's house. It appeared to be a well-kept house, with landscaping made up entirely of very low maintenance plants and trees. Buffy could picture Willow living here. With one last fervent wish for a relaxing and pleasant evening, she rang the bell.

xxxxx

After a short tour of the house, Willow made the call for Chinese delivery. While they waited for the food to arrive, they grabbed some drinks and kicked back in the living room to talk.

"So your parents aren't home yet?" Buffy settled onto a sofa, leaning against the arm and tucking her stocking feet under her legs. Willow sat similarly on the facing sofa.

Lately Buffy had become fascinated by all the different families surrounding her, given her own very complex situation. Tonight, she was very curious about Willow's family. Willow hadn't mentioned anything substantial about them during their conversations so far.

"Well, they aren't home a lot," Willow admitted. "They're both professors. My mom used to teach sociology at UC, but she's on sabbatical right now, working with a colleague on a book about ..." she paused with a puzzled frown. "I'm not sure what it's about. Oh well. Anyway, my dad is an anthropologist and lectures at Stanford and also works at the museum there, so he's gone during the week and comes home only on the weekends. And they travel a lot too, to conferences and stuff. They're totally into their work and I don't really fit into that part of their world." Willow 's eyes lit up. "But once, when I was little, they did a research project in Africa. And we spent six months living in the middle of nowhere in West Africa. That was pretty cool."

Her smile faltered as she confessed. "And a little scary, too. Their research was on witchcraft -- juju, voodoo, that kind of thing -- and the huge amount of control some female shamans have on the lives of girls and women in some of the small villages. Sometimes it got kinda weird living there. Because at the time I was the same age as girls are when they send them to live with these witchy shamans, my mom got the idea that it'd be an 'interesting' experiment to see what would happen if they gave **me** to one of the witches for a few months, too. She said she'd get better access to this witch if she let me live there. My dad wasn't willing to ship me off to some witch's hut to drink blood and sacrifice chickens and stuff, so they didn't make me do it. But when we got back home, for more than two years I slept with a nightlight on and I tried to make sure I always knew where we were going when I got in the car with my mom." Willow gave Buffy a nervous, embarrassed smile. "It sounds silly now."

"Wow," Buffy breathed. "Okay, your parents totally beat my parents in the 'what were they thinking' department. That sounds totally wiggy, and I woulda done the same thing if I were you. That is just totally ... wow."

"Yeah, that part was not good. And I wasn't a big fan of the goat and chicken sacrifices, either." Willow nodded, then focused back on Buffy. "What about you? What do your parents do? The real ones, I mean."

"Um --."

Willow's eyes grew huge and she rushed to apologize. "I'm sorry I don't know if that's something you talk about or if I should just not ask stuff like that cuz it's not any of my business and you came all the way out here to get away from them so I'd guess you don't really want to talk about them or think about them and I don't know why I'd ask you something so personal like that when you might not want people to know those things and, and ... and I'll just stop now." She said it all without once pausing for breath. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay to ask. I don't mind." Buffy smiled to reassure her friend. "My dad's an international law attorney, and he's always away, too. No animal sacrifices or drinking of blood that I know about, but still, it really sucked with him gone so much. Especially since it meant my **mom** was there most of the time. My sister and I used to pray for them to take trips together so we could get away from her for a little while." She rolled her eyes. "Total control freak."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. For instance, we had to make our beds every morning. Perfectly. That's pretty usual, right? Lots of moms are big on that. But my mom took it further -- we weren't allowed to sit on or in any way **touch **the bed again for the whole rest of the day because if we did the bedspread might **wrinkle** and then it wouldn't look **perfect** any more. And if she caught us she'd make with the huge screaming and always **always** a punishment. You'd think we'd knocked over a liquor store the way she'd go on." Buffy grinned devilishly. "The first thing I did when I got to the maternity home was not make my bed at all for a whole week. I got seven demerits for it but I didn't care. My big rebellion," she chuckled.

"Geeze. My mom is the total opposite. I don't think she even remembers I'm here half the time. The up side, though, is since she's not home I figure what she doesn't know can't hurt her, right?" Willow shrugged innocently.

Buffy gave her a cheerful nod-shrug in agreement, and wondered how far Willow took that philosophy. She didn't see her new friend as a wild girl at all. She did have a boyfriend in a band, though, and was friends with Spike. She wondered if Willow and Oz would some day take advantage of the lack of parents in the house to spend the night together here. And then she wondered why her mind went down that path so suddenly. And then she decided not to think too hard about that for now. Willow was still talking ...

"It hasn't even occurred to them that I **could** be doing anything wrong, so they don't pay any attention at all. Not that I **do** do anything wrong or **want** to either. But from what I can tell, as long as I get good grades and the police don't call, I'm good." She nodded matter-of-factly.

Buffy thought that the life Willow described sounded kind of lonely and uncared-for, but her friend didn't seem terribly unhappy about it. And honestly, it sure sounded better than the way Buffy was currently living.

"I would **kill** for that much freedom. Where I live right now I feel like I'm under a glass and the family is just watching me all the time. I **so** wish I lived some place where the people don't feel like they have to 'keep an eye on' me all the time." She thought about what she just said, and just as a precaution added, "Not kill for real, though. Just feelin' really strongly about it is all." She nodded for emphasis. "They're a bunch of nuts in that house, though."

"Are you okay there?" Willow's brow furrowed in genuine concern. She had heard stories about foster homes, and some of them were pretty bad. She hoped her friend wasn't in one of those.

"Sure, I'm okay," Buffy cheerfully reassured her. "They're just different from what I'm used to is all." She didn't want to let on to anyone how bad it felt at home. After all, there wasn't anything abusive she could really complain about, and it was just temporary -- she'd be out of there in no time once she got Katie back. She just had to put up with them for a little while and then it would all be good again.

"Different how?" Willow didn't want to let it go.

"Well ... Okay," Buffy offered an example. "One weirdness is that Harmony Kendall is my foster mother's younger sister. You know Harmony?" Buffy was pretty sure Willow did, if for no other reason than that they went to the same high school and that the horrible girl had been stalking Spike.

"Oooohh, yeah," Willow nodded. "Yeah, I know Harmony. I wouldn't want to live with anyone in her family. Do you ever have to ... you know ... **see** her?"

"Just Christmas day so far. God, I hope she doesn't come around too much. And she's really kind of a bitch, and so very not friendly. Don't you think?"

"Yeah. And if you really got to know her, you'd be glad she isn't friendly, cuz that means you won't have to spend much time with her. She's dumb as dirt, and loud, and screechy, and mean, and ... well ... **pink**."

"Pink?" Buffy wrinkled her brown in confusion.

"She usually dresses like bubblegum exploded all over her." Willow explained. 

Buffy stared seriously at Willow a moment and then dissolved into helpless giggles at the mental image she had evoked. Her laughter infected Willow and soon both girls were beside themselves and just a look from one would start the other up all over again. 

The giggle attacks were just beginning to lessen when they heard the doorbell ring. Willow jumped up and answered the door with barely contained merriment.

"Chinese!!" she proclaimed gleefully. After paying for the food and turning from the door, Willow announced, "The best Chinese food outside of Chinatown! Let's eat!"

xxxxx

The kitchen table was littered with the remains of what Buffy conceded was the best Chinese food she had ever eaten. The girls were full and had settled down to the serious business of reading and sharing their fortunes. Buffy had suggested the game where they add 'in bed' to whatever fortune they opened in their cookie. That had always proven hilarious when they did it back home. Willow smiled as she read hers first.

"You will make a lot of money and then lose it ... in bed." Puzzlement washed over her face. "Huh."

Buffy quirked an eyebrow, then read hers. "You will become famous and wealthy but you will die alone ... in bed." She gave the little paper in her hands a thoughtful frown. "These fortunes are kinda mean."

"Yeah, they have great food, but I don't think they like it here so much." Willow explained.

"I guess not," Buffy nodded as they rose to throw the remains of the meal away.

"So, date details. How did it go last night?" Willow had waited for Buffy to bring it up on her own but couldn't contain her curiosity a moment longer.

"Nice," Buffy said dreamily. "We had a little fight, a little laugh, a little food, and then a little making out at the beach." She turned to Willow with a big smile. "Best second date ever." 

"Yeah?" Willow was happy to hear it went well, except for that one part. "You fought?"

"Yeah, he misunderstood something this guy Warren said to me, and it was a whole thing. I kinda overreacted, and ... But we made up fast and the rest was great."

"**Warren**?!"Willow squeaked, and Buffy would have sworn her eyebrows simply couldn't raise any higher.

"Um, yeah."

"Sleazeball, crude, hates women ... that Warren?"

"Uh huh." Buffy was wishing she hadn't mentioned his name. She really didn't want to explain this tonight. "He came up to me where I was waiting for Spike, and was trying to talk to me when Spike drove up. And let's just say that Spike wasn't too happy about it."

"I guess not," Willow was uncomfortable.

"But it was nothing, and Spike got over it fast." She hoped she was putting the nail in the coffin on this subject.

But Willow wouldn't let it drop just yet. "Buffy, really, I know I don't have a right to tell you what to do or anything and we just met and all, but Warren is really bad news and please stay away from him. He's just ... he has a reputation and ... he beats his girlfriends, and deals drugs, and just ... he's a bad guy. And I don't want to see you get hurt."

"It's okay, Willow, I get it. Spike told me about him. Told me what I hadn't already figured out on my own already. I'm stayin' away. Believe me." Something puzzled her. "Drug dealer?"

"Oh, yeah," Willow waved her hand dismissively. "Small time only. But he's definitely someone to stay far far away from."

Buffy leaned against the counter and thought about what Willow had just said. She began to understand why Spike was so curious about Warren's presence in the meeting. If he's dealing drugs, and no one knows about any drug bust involving him, then why was he there? Was he there like the rest of them were there, or was he there for some other reason? She couldn't quite get it, and it bugged her.

The doorbell suddenly sounded and the girls looked to each other, puzzled, as neither had any idea who to expect. Willow left the kitchen to see who it was while Buffy remained behind to wipe down the table.

When she opened the door she barely had time to stand out of the way as Spike stormed through and demanded to speak with Buffy.

From her place in the kitchen, Buffy was astonished to hear what seemed to be Spike's voice in the living room. Deciding to find out what was going on, she walked into the living room, stunned at the sight of her boyfriend standing in the entryway.

"What are you -?"

Hearing her voice, Spike spun around to face Buffy and gave her a hard look. "We need to talk."

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Well, there was a little more about Willow, a little more about Buffy, and a bridge to the second part of the chapter. Hope you enjoyed even though there wasn't a lot of action going on here.

Please read and review if you can.

Sara


	13. Chapter 52

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Fifty-Two**  
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_**Long Day's Journey Into Night, Part Two**_

"We need to talk."

Buffy was stunned. Who was this scowling guy, and what had he done with her sweet boyfriend? A quick review of the past twenty-four hours and she came up with nothing that would transform Spike into the man facing her in Willow's living room. She didn't know why he was upset, but right now she didn't actually care what the problem was. Instead, she was angry that he had shown up without warning or invitation, bringing his growly accusing self into her happy carefree evening with Willow. This was **Willowtime!  
**  
"Why are you here? And why are you all growly at me?" Direct seemed the right approach, at least until she was sure she wasn't dealing with an insane person. That didn't seem improbable at all today in light of recent experience.

"I'm just gonna go ... in the kitchen! You two kids have a nice talk." Willow made an awkward exit. Neither Buffy nor Spike acknowledged her leaving.

"And **what** were you doing yelling at Xander on my street earlier, anyway?! Were you **spying on me**?!"

"No I wasn't **spying** on you! I was comin' over to see if you were alright since you never answered the bleedin' phone or returned any of the many messages I left. And then that ponce **Ben** told me earlier in the day that you told him you were studyin' at **Willow's** house, but **I **knew that wasn't possible because **Willow** was sittin' for the Martin kids all day today. So I was **worried** about you and when I drive onto your street, to see if I can find out what had happened to you, there you are gettin' out of a car with **Xander** of all people and I felt I needed to ask him **why** the hell he was drivin' my girl around town when I'd been tryin' to get hold of her all day and come up with nothing!" He was fairly shouting the house down at this point. "**That's** what **I **was doin'! What were **you** doin'?!"

He took a breath, then shouted, "And if you **saw** me yellin' at Xander - which I did for only a moment, by the way, then why didn't you come over and **talk** to me then?!"

Buffy couldn't believe she was even having this conversation with him tonight, but if he wanted it she'd give it to him.

"I didn't come over to you because I was in a car with Ben at the time and we were driving the other way, to Willow's house. I wasn't going to ask Ben, 'oh, by the way, let's go the opposite way so I can find out why my new boyfriend is yelling at his friend a block away from our house'. I wanted to ask you later about it. Later as in **tomorrow**. Not tonight, **tomorrow**. You know, the day **after** my relaxing evening with _**Willow**_ That you interrupted!"

"Yeah, well, we'll talk about Ben in a minute. What I'd like to know is --"

"**God! **Listen to yourself a minute would you?! Who are you, my **father**!?"

Spike flinched slightly, and worked at calming down a bit. He hadn't meant to upset her, only to make a firm stand on some valid points he felt he had. From the reaction he was getting from Buffy, though, he wasn't going to get very far as long as they were both yelling at each other. He took it down a notch.

"'M sorry, luv," he started again, in a calmer shade of loud. "I didn't mean to growl at you. Just a little upset is all."

"Upset about what? Why are you here? Tonight? Acting like this?" Buffy lowered her voice as well, hoping to get better answers than she'd been given so far.

"Look --"

Her calm didn't last too long, as Buffy threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "This is supposed to be my 'good' night, a night I don't have to deal with everyone else's ... **crap **... for a few hours." She waved an arm to indicate Spike. "But it shows up on the doorstep anyway!"

Spike frowned at being classified as 'crap' showing up on her doorstep, and started to object. "Now hold on --"

Buffy cut him off before he could form any words. "And don't pretend you think I meant **you **were crap. I meant the drama." She yelled in annoyance. "**Whatever** the drama is now. **God! **I just want some down time for a night. Is that so hard for everyone?!" She turned and plopped down on a nearby sofa, glaring at Spike.

Spike put his hands on his hips and just continued to stare at Buffy, thinking, belatedly, that he'd really approached this all wrong. Drusilla would've reacted to his 'growling' and demands for an explanation with little girl attempts to placate him, wrapping herself around him sexily while admitting no wrongdoing in the process, pulling him into herself and her view of the world with little effort. This girl ... this girl was not Drusilla. This girl gave as good as she got. The thought both delighted and terrified him. A new country had opened up before him and he wasn't entirely certain how to walk within it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that, luv," Spike started again, a little less excitedly. "May I sit down and speak with you a minute, and then I'll leave and let you have your evenin'. That okay?"

Buffy remained silent for a few moments, then nodded and motioned for him to sit on the sofa facing her. "Say what you came to say, then." She told him in clipped tones, and waited quietly to hear what he was worked up about.

Spike settled down on the sofa and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He looked up into Buffy's eyes, and decided to get on with it.

"You spent the afternoon with Xander." It was pronounced calmly, but there was a hint of accusation in the statement.

"Uh huh," she spoke slowly, as to a child. Was this some jealousy play, because if it was she was going to set him straight so fast. "And what's your point?"

Startled by her antagonistic response, Spike proceeded carefully. "That's not why I'm upset, luv. I'm happy Xander was there today to help you when you needed someone." He watched her closely.

Buffy tried to understand what he meant by that. There was something underneath here that she was just on the cusp of understanding. If he wasn't jealous of Xander, then what was the problem ...?

"Yeah, he was very kind to me today. Again, what's the problem?"

"The problem, luv," he spoke with as much calm as he could harness. "is a few things."

"A **few** things?" More than one? She wondered what on earth she was actually dealing with here. She was too exhausted, physically and emotionally, for all this drama tonight. She wanted it resolved and done. But now there were 'a few things'.

"Yeah," he continued. "First, if you're in trouble you should've called me to help you instead of runnin' to Xander. I'm glad he was there for you, truly I am, but you could have called me instead. I'd have come in a minute. I thought you knew that." This last statement was made with some hurt, and accusation. Why wouldn't she call him when she needed someone to help her? Had he misunderstood her feelings for him? Didn't she trust him to come to her aid?

Buffy frowned, both puzzled and annoyed by his problem with how she handled the situation earlier in the day. And she didn't care for his tone. Her aggravation rose quickly to the surface once more.

"Really? Call you? With what, Spike? I don't have a cell phone like the rest of you do. The only way I could call anyone would have been to walk up to some stranger's house and ask them to use the phone. It made more sense to walk three blocks to Xander's house and see if he was home first. He was, and he let me in, and I was grateful for it. He was being a good friend. Once I was at Xander's I didn't **need** someone to come get me. Xander said he'd get me back home." She finished her simple explanation, but was hardly through.

"Do you really think I'm so helpless that I can't find a ride home by myself without calling you first? Do you actually expect me to just call you for everything and cut out the rest of the world? Cuz, right now, right here, I'm gonna tell you that I really like you a lot and want to have a relationship with you but I'm not gonna just sit around waiting for you to call and staying away from other people for you, especially when I need help right away and someone else **is right there**. 

"Look Spike, you either trust me or you don't. And let's be clear, just for the record, that I'm not gonna let you run my whole life for me. I'm not gonna do that. If that's what you expect then you're gonna need to find a different girl cuz I'm not that girl."

She crossed her arms over her chest and jutted her chin out in defiance. She would not let him tell her who she could talk to and see.

Spike was completely taken off guard by Buffy's attitude and her confrontational speech. He wasn't sure how he felt about her statement. On the one hand he liked her spunk and assertiveness, on the other he didn't like the implication that she might not appreciate his protection and assistance. He thought she was being stubborn and foolish.

"Are you saying that you're so strong, so independent that you don't need anyone else? That you don't need me? Because I'm not just eye candy here, luv. I protect my own. Whether friends or family or more, I take care of my own. I can't do it any other way. It's the way I'm wired, pet. And I won't apologize for it." He stared hard at the girl before him, and was satisfied when she lowered her arms and took a more relaxed position, less confrontational. He thought he might be getting through to her.

"No, I'm not saying I don't need anyone, obviously I need people, I need you. But I'm not some delicate flower that needs 'watching' all the time. I don't want to be some girl that can't go anywhere or do anything without her boyfriend's permission. I've been on my own pretty much for a year and a half now. And suddenly, right now, my life is completely under the control of all these people - judges, social workers, foster parents, your **uncle** for God's sake. And I can't help that. But I'm not gonna give up what little control I have to **you** now. That's important to me, Spike. God, please try to understand." She was frustrated, fearing that she wasn't able to express the right words to make Spike understand how she felt. She didn't want to lose him, but she couldn't give up control to him either.

Spike rose from the sofa and paced to the fireplace. Turning back to Buffy, he considered her for a moment in silence. He too was frustrated. 

"I'm not tryin' to control you, pet," he came over and sat down beside her on the sofa, taking her hands in his. "I'm just tryin' to ... take care of you, the way you should be, the way you deserve to be. I'm a man, luv, and I need to take care of my girl. Can you understand that?"

There was that damn head tilt again. She was helpless before the head tilt. And the big blue eyes. And those lips ... She was gonna live to regret this, she just knew it.

"Is that all it is?" she hesitated, wanting to believe him. "I can understand that, in fact that's really sweet. But that's all it can be, Spike. I can't have you trying to run my whole life or anything. If I want to go somewhere with my friends -- like **tonight**, with **Willow**, for instance -- then I can't be asking 'permission' from you to do it. I need for you to respect that I may have other plans with other friends sometimes. Like tonight.

"And if I find myself in a situation, and there's someone **right there **who can help me, I'm not gonna walk by them and call you instead just because you're my boyfriend. I can agree to call you, let you know what happened, which I didn't do today, I admit that, but I'm not gonna sit on a curb somewhere waiting for you when a friend is right there who can help me out."

"I get that, I do," Spike nodded. "I can live with that. But **call** me as soon as you can, let me know you're in trouble, or need help. Don't shut me out, luv."

She could see how important this was to him, and she decided it wasn't too much to ask when she really thought about it. She'd never had a boyfriend before, and had virtually no experience with men as 'protectors', not even her father really played that active a role in her life. This was a big step for her, letting this boy into her life completely, outside of dating. They were going to go to the same high school, and that meant he was going to be there even more in her daily life. She was going to need to learn how to be a real girlfriend with a real boyfriend. She had to let some of those guards down, and let him be the guy. She could see that he was a boy - a man - that needed to be 'the guy'. She just had to make sure that she didn't become subservient to that need. She decided that she wouldn't let that happen, but she would attempt to test out those boundaries with him and see what happened.

"Okay, I can do that. I can keep you in the loop that way. This is new for me, I've never had a boyfriend or really any guy who felt like he wanted to 'take care of' me. This just takes some getting used to." She gave him a small, conciliatory smile. "Maybe you can help me figure out what that means. Like we are tonight, talking and trying to figure out what we're doing together here." She gave him a serious head tilt of her own. "Without all the drama, and grand entrances, and stuff. Okay?"

Spike gave her that slow sexy grin that made her insides turn to jelly, and pulled her to him for a long embrace.

"Yeah, luv, that'd be perfect," he whispered huskily into her ear. "There's my girl."

"Yeah?" 

"Oh, yeah," he chuckled, and gave her a long slow kiss to punctuate his point.

Finally coming up to breathe, the pair sat together in comfortable silence for a minute. Then Buffy turned in his embrace, smiled and asked, "So, we good now?" 

Spike pulled back a bit, and made an uncomfortable, serious face that made Buffy worry.

"What now?" she sighed and leaned back into the sofa cushions.

He considered his words carefully, but he was determined to say what he needed to say, whether she liked it or not. He just hoped she'd listen calmly and that there'd be no repeat of the earlier screaming match.

"Luv, it's Ben. It's that whole house. Somethin's not right there." He saw her getting ready to argue with him, and he forestalled her with a raised palm. "And I know you know it, pet. Or you wouldn't have run out of his car this afternoon." He frowned. "And what exactly did the wanker do that made you leave his car? Cuz I will beat him within an inch of his life if he touched you."

Buffy's eyes were huge as she watched Spike's entire demeanor shift from loving to tense protectiveness in a matter of seconds. She hardly knew what to do with him when he was like this, it was a little scary. But first things first.

"Okay, first of all, Ben did not touch me or do anything bad to me today. He just was acting kinda weird and took a route home that wasn't on the way home and I got spooked is all. Something about him makes me nervous and that was enough to make me nervous enough to get out of his car and find another way home. I'm sure it was just my imagination, but at the time I was kinda wigged so I jumped out and went to Xander's house instead. That's all that happened."

Spike remained silent, his jaw doing that clenching thing that she associated with anger. Buffy really hoped he'd work through that quickly and go back to cuddly Spike because she was tired of growly Spike tonight. 

"You're not driving anywhere with him again."

It was a pronouncement. An order. Something that frankly Buffy would have been glad to follow as she didn't want to ride anywhere with Ben ever again anyway. She'd leave aside the fact that he was demanding this, and move onto why it didn't matter regardless of his feelings on the subject.

"I can't promise that. He's my foster mother's brother. I might not have any choice. Like tonight, Rosemary made me let him drive me to Willow's. I didn't want to, but he was offended by me jumping out of his car today, and Rosemary wanted me to let him drive me tonight to make up for it. And he was fine tonight, there was no problem at all."

"Buffy, I don't want you in a car alone with him again. I don't care if the bleedin' Queen orders it, don't do it."

"Hey, remember that whole 'Spike isn't going to try to run my life' thing we agreed to earlier? That's where this comes in. I have to do what I have to do, and I can't promise not to get in a car with Ben, as long as I live with his sister. It's complicated." She was trying so hard to be reasonable here. Why couldn't he see that?

The girl was impossible, was Spike's thinking. She was spooked enough to feel in danger, but then just dismisses it a few hours later and gets in the car with the same no good wanker like nothing ever happened. Was she addled?

"Luv, you're not seein' reason here. That man is dangerous, and I got a bad feelin' off him when I talked to him today, and I didn't even know about the car thing at the time." He gave her a hard look, demanding that she acquiesce on this one. "He's a bad man, Buffy, and you need to keep away from him. I won't have you riding in a car with him."

Buffy was incredulous. "You won't **have it**?! Again, this is my life you're tryin' to run here, why do you think you can just tell me who to ride with now?"

Spike exploded and rose from the sofa and started pacing. "Dammit Buffy! I'm not tryin' to run your life, but I can't just sit back and watch you put yourself in danger and not say anythin'. I care about you, and your safety is not somethin' I'm gonna mess around with. Whether you can see the danger or not." He turned and looked her in the eyes with a burning intensity that almost made her flinch away. She tried a compromise.

"Look, I'll do everything I can to avoid being alone with him, okay? I don't like him, I don't really trust him either. Believe me, I don't **want** to ride with him or be alone with him. It's just that it's hard, with my foster parents and all, you don't understand how it is --"

"Oh, I understand all right. I understand that you need to get out of that foster home as soon as possible. I don't like that place, there's somethin' wrong there. You know it, Buffy. You know that's true." 

He was just this side of yelling at her again, and she was completely at a loss for how to calm him down this time. Because she wasn't going to be able to do what he wanted. There was no way to compromise on this one.

"I can't do that, Spike. I can't leave that house." she started to tell him, but he exploded again.

"It's not negotiable! If you don't do somethin' about gettin' out of there then I'll do it for you!"

He couldn't understand why she was so stubborn about this. "You saw how Rosemary was comin' on to me that night I first took you out. Her hand on my arm, that wasn't any 'friendly motherly gesture' pet! There's somethin' wrong with her." He continued pacing as he made his case for leaving. "Then there's Ben, of course, no need to go over that again. Then there's **Harmony** for shite's sake! Can you tell me you want to live in a house where Harmony Kendall might show up any minute?!" He turned to her again. "Try to tell me I'm wrong about that, Buffy! You know it's true!"

Buffy looked down at the carpet, fully aware that he was right about that family, in fact more than he knew. If he knew about John he'd hit the roof, so she kept that part to herself for now. What he didn't understand, though, was that she couldn't leave them. It just wasn't that simple. She wanted him to understand, and tried to choose her words carefully. She looked up at him and held her hand out to him. He took it and she pulled him to the sofa to sit next to her.

"Spike, I need you to listen to me now," She stopped him when he started to argue. "No please, Spike. Just listen to me now, okay?"

He nodded unhappily and nodded for her to continue.

"I'm not like you." she shushed him again when she saw him start to disagree. "No, now, I'm not. Not like you, or Willow, or Xander, or probably any of the kids you know. The reason I'm not like you is that my entire world is controlled by a **judge**. When I do something wrong, I'm not afraid of getting grounded, or even getting hit. I'm afraid that when I do something wrong it goes back to the judge. And this judge, he's a hard man, Spike. He's watching everything I do, and I have to do it right. And if I don't do it right, then he has something more important than whether I can drive the car or go to a party or God, even date you."

Tears were forming behind her eyes, she could feel them threatening to fall and she tried desperately to hold them back. "He has my **daughter**,Spike. If I don't do what I'm told they're gonna take my daughter away **forever**. I can't take that chance, in making them mad at me. I'll never get her back." She was crying now, she couldn't help herself. She felt stupid and weak, but when she looked into Spike's eyes, all she saw there was care and a dawning realization of who she was and what she was dealing with. She knew then that he got it, that he understood.

He opened his arms and pulled her into a protective embrace.

"Shh, shh, that's all right, luv, I get it," he started whispering to her, and continued to speak little comforting words and nothings to her as she silently cried into his shirt. When she'd calmed down a bit, she drew back and looked at him so piteously that his heart broke for her. He realized she was right, that he had forgotten how much was at stake for her here. But he didn't trust those people. There had to be some way to protect her without endangering her status with the authorities that controlled her life and that of her little girl. He just had to figure it out is all.

"Couldn't you get a different foster home, luv? If you told them you were uncomfortable with this family, couldn't you change houses?" That seemed simple enough.

"No, it's not that easy. First, there aren't many homes that will take teenagers anyway, and there's no guarantee that a new place wouldn't be worse than this one. Plus, it probably wouldn't be here where you are. It could be anywhere in the county. It could be in another county, I was told even in another **state**. If they needed to move me they could do it to another state even. Or if they don't have a home, they can dump me in the main shelter up north. Either way, I probably wouldn't be here with you. And I just found you, I don't want to lose you so soon ..." She was crying again. "Please, Spike, just let me handle this, okay? I don't want to leave here. I can handle my foster home okay. They're weird, and they get on my nerves, but it isn't a bad place. They don't hit me, they don't force me to stay home all the time, they let me go to the _Bronze_ and on dates with you. That's big, and I can't be sure another home wouldn't just lock me up and not let me out."

Spike scoffed, but Buffy shook her head vigorously and tried to make him understand. "No, I'm not making this up. Most teenagers go to group homes, and the group home managers don't let them go anywhere. Sometimes they even have to go to school in the home instead of regular school with other kids. It's like prison for kids, except the kids haven't done anything wrong except not have any other place to live. My case worker told me about all of this, and she said that where I am now is the best they've got for me, that this is a great foster home placement for me. I don't think she knows that they're kinda weird, but as far as the rest of it goes she's right. The Smiths are great compared to the other places they could make me go."

Spike hated seeing her so upset, but he couldn't argue with her on this because he just didn't have knowledge about these things. She seemed to be sure about what she was saying. How, then, was he supposed to protect her if she stayed there?

"I know you think I'm all naive and innocent and stuff, but I do have some experience with this kind of thing, from before." She said this very softly, almost hoping he didn't hear her.

"What kind of thing, luv?" He was alarmed now.

"Back in New York, my cousin Faith ... her mom had a lot of husbands and boyfriends and some of them weren't very nice men." She played with the edge of her shirt so she wouldn't have to look at Spike when she told him this.

"What kind of 'not nice', luv?" He was working very hard at keeping under control and not reacting in some way that would upset her more than she already was.

"You know ... the kind of 'not nice' that hits you a lot, or that likes young girls, that kind of thing ..." she looked up into his eyes then, and saw the anger smoldering there. "But no one messed with me, no one." She rushed to reassure him before he got the wrong idea. "They wanted to, but Faith ... she always got me out of harm's way so nothing would happen to me. Sometimes," she said this so softly he almost couldn't hear her. "Sometimes they got Faith, though. And sometimes I got hit, but usually Faith took that on herself, too. Faith was a good cousin to me, and always tried to keep me safe. But sometimes she couldn't keep herself safe at the same time. I owe her a lot for that, and that's something I'll never be able to repay her for. That she kept those bad men away from me even when she couldn't get away herself ..."

Stunned, Spike just held her closer and tried to rein in his fury that anyone would touch his girl, would make her life as a little girl so difficult, so dangerous. He wanted to know more, but he didn't want to press her tonight. Tonight there had been a lot of revelations and he thought perhaps they needed some healing time before they talked about this any further. He'd listen if she wanted, but he wouldn't push her any further. When he had come over tonight he had had no idea what he was really walking into. He had a whole new respect for this girl he held in his arms. She was tough. And she just might be able to take care of herself, too.

Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't going to do whatever he had to to keep her safe at the same time. But she was right. She wasn't a delicate flower to protect. She was a strong loving girl that he was privileged to stand beside and back up. And he would have her back. He was gonna make sure of that.

"I'm sorry, pet," he whispered. "Your cousin sounds like a good person. Maybe I'll get to meet her someday, yeah?"

"Maybe," Buffy hoped so, she wanted to see Faith again. She hoped she was okay out there, and would be able to return to her life again some day. She wanted Faith to grow up with her, to grow old with her. "I'd like that." She pulled up out of his embrace and looked him in the eyes, her tears having dried and exhaustion set in once more.

Spike looked lovingly into her eyes and saw a girl he was falling for hard, and he had no regrets about it. She had problems he had no experience with whatsoever, and complications he'd never conceived of, but she was dear to him now and he'd stand at her side as long as she'd let him. He hoped that was forever. He knew he couldn't ask it, not so soon. Suddenly he was overtaken with the great desire to kiss her. He thought he just might --

"Gotta go, babe." She told him reluctantly as she withdrew from his arms.

Spike drew back startled for a moment, then saw a devilish grin spread across his girl's face. The hard emotional part of the evening was over now. 

"Gotta go, eh? I'll give you 'gotta go', you little minx," he grabbed her again and gave her another intense kiss, pulled back, and waited for her response to that.

"Mmmmm, very nice," she purred, then looked at him with big eyes, "Still gotta go, though." She saw that he might argue the point. "This is Willowtime, not Spiketime. I've got a friend sitting in the kitchen over there, who's been **way** beyond patient with us. But now, I've gotta say goodnight, babe. I'm sorry." She gave him a little pouty smile, all sweetness and sorrow and so full of it.

"Right. Willowtime." Spike gave her another quick kiss, then rose and walked to the door. "We'll talk more tomorrow, yeah?"

She smiled and nodded. "Okay, call me tomorrow."

He nodded with a grin, and with one last intense look, he swept out the door, all platinum hair and billowy coat.

"You can come out now! The angry loud people are gone!" Buffy called out to Willow.

"Yeah?" Willow poked her head out of the kitchen door and gazed with sympathy at the girl sitting in her living room. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry about all the drama and the caveman invasion."

"Yeah, but you love the hot blonde caveman, admit it."

"No! It's so insulting!" Buffy felt she had to at least pretend to feminist independence. She pulled herself together and wiped the last of the tears from her eyes.

"Yeah, it is, but that's how boys are. And still, I think you love it." Willow sat down next to her and fixed her with an all-too-knowing grin.

"No!" Buffy started to protest, then gave up. "Well, yeah. Okay. It's kinda sexy, isn't it? When he gets all masterful and protective, I want to scream at him for being a such a guy and a pig, but then there's this part of me that thinks it's kinda hot, too. God, what is wrong with me? That's so retro."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

They sat in silence a few more moments.

"I guess we're not gonna study tonight, are we?" Willow asked with a smirk. 

"Probably not." Buffy admitted.

"Well, okay then! Movies and ice cream?"

"Sounds good. Do you **have **movies and ice cream here?"

"It was my 'Plan B'" Willow nodded matter-of-factly.

"Good idea," Buffy puzzled. "You had a 'Plan B'?"

"I was a Girl Scout. I always have a 'Plan B'."

"Cuz you never know." Buffy nodded sagely.

"Nope." Willow laughed as she stood, pulling Buffy up off the sofa. The girls made their way back into the kitchen to dish up the ice cream. "You never know."

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Hope you liked. I don't want any feminist objections to this chapter. Like I keep telling you, it's a long story and it's all about the journey and growing up. Thanks. Sara


	14. Chapter 53

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Fifty-Three**  
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_**Comfort Zone**_

Midmorning the following day, Buffy let herself into her house feeling wonderful for a change. She'd gotten some things out with Spike last night and was glad for it, and relieved that he still was sticking by her and hadn't cut and run from the current nightmare that was her life. That he was so supportive and wanted to help her, protect her, meant so much. No one else made her feel so safe, so secure, as this boy did. 

And the rest of the evening? Well, that had been her first real 'sleepover' since she had turned fifteen. It had been just she and Willow, with all the girl talk, ice cream, and chick flicks they could stand. It was so good to be a teenage girl again, having fun with a friend.

As she walked down the upstairs hall she slowed her steps, hearing what seemed to be voices coming from her own bedroom. Female voices. By the time she reached her doorway, she recognized the voices, and stood astonished at what she saw.

Glory, smirking nastily, perched upon Buffy's bed like some condescending fashionista. She seemed to be listening to someone else's nattering with obvious delight, chuckling from time to time at some comment or other.

The actual nattering came from Harmony. The same Harmony who was presently going through Buffy's closet, examining and offering critical commentary on the clothes and shoes she found within.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?! In my **closet**?!" Buffy was outraged at both their rudeness and the invasion of her privacy. She rushed forward and grabbed one of her dresses out of Harmony's grasp and hung it back up where it belonged.

Glory simply grinned and looked at her nails, as though the outburst was of no concern to her.

Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing next, as Harmony began railing at what she seemed to believe was Buffy's intrusion on **her** entitlement.

"It's not _your_ closet, **Buffy**. It's **my sister's **closet. It's her bedroom, it's her house. I can go anywhere I want to," she snotted, then paused briefly and looked like she was going back over what she'd just said. Satisfied, she nodded to herself that it was what she wanted to say, then started up again with the next breath.

"You're nobody. You're just one of her charity cases that she takes in. But you don't **belong** here. It's not like you're **family**." She ended this pronouncement with her hands on her hips, performing the 'duh' eye rolling maneuver she seemed to fall back upon whenever she ran out of anything more substantial to say.

Buffy took a few steps toward Harmony and seriously considered, just for a second, the idea of kicking the hateful girl's face in. She'd learned how to do that from Harmony's own brother, so the poetry of it appealed. She imagined the wonderful sound that the crunch of bone and cartilage would make, and she thought it would be very satisfying to hear it. But reality caught up with her quickly enough and she quashed the violent impulse. She wasn't a violent girl by nature, and she knew that such an outburst would only hurt her and Katie and assure that they would never be together again. Plus, two nights in jail were enough for a lifetime.

Harmony was not worth any of that. Harmony was worth exactly zero on that scale.

"This is **my** room as long as I live here and Rosemary says it is. And note the part where **I **live here. You **don't** live here, Harmony. So really, **none** of this house is yours." She took a few more steps in Harmony's direction, reveling in the slight step back she saw the other girl take. "Get out now. Before I **throw** you out." There was no reason Harmony needed to know the threat was a bluff. And the bluff seemed to be working, since the girl suddenly harrumphed and flounced out of the bedroom.

Buffy turned to where Glory still sat on the bed. The noxious woman had been smiling during the entire confrontation, enjoying it immensely. Buffy didn't say a word, just stared hard at the older woman. Smirking, Glory rose and slowly walked out of the room.

Once she was alone again, Buffy walked hurriedly over to shut her door, then did a quick inventory of her things to see what had been touched and if anything was missing. All seemed to be where it was supposed to be, but she couldn't tell what might have been examined and placed back again.

She felt violated, and had no idea what to do or what to say. She was angry, and she was hurt. But mostly she was struck by the absolute gall of those two twits, to think they could just waltz into her bedroom and go through her belongings like that. As though Buffy were completely unimportant and had no rights at all, not even to her own possessions. They were unbelievable, those two.

But could she complain to Rosemary and expect any real defense from her? Or would she just dismiss the invasion of her privacy as a minor affront, with no more than a mild reprimand to her sisters? The woman was strange, and Buffy could not predict what she might do in any given situation.

Her mood now killed by the unwelcome company in her bedroom, Buffy decided to settle down and do some studying to make up for last night. If she was going to be unhappy, at least she could accomplish something at the same time. 

The question of whether to bring the issue of her personal privacy up with Rosemary would wait for now. Right now she was liable to say or do something she'd later regret. She needed time to cool down, so she could discuss the issue with Rosemary calmly and rationally.

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Glory finally left for the airport after lunch, escorted by John. And Harmony, having said her goodbyes, went home to her own house. It was only then that Buffy decided to take a break in studying and venture downstairs to fix herself a late lunch.

As Buffy put the finishing touches on a turkey sandwich, Rosemary wandered into the kitchen and sat down at the breakfast bar to watch her. They acknowledged each other wordlessly, and Buffy went to sit down in the family room to see if there was anything interesting to watch on TV while she ate. Rosemary remained at the bar, sorting through accumulated mail, sneaking surreptitious glances at Buffy while she did so. Finally, she got up and sat down next to Buffy on the sofa.

"Hey," Buffy briefly acknowledged Rosemary and scooched over a bit to make room. Not wishing to really have a conversation yet, she continued watching some weird soap opera she'd tuned in to that she didn't at all understand. There was a witch and some strange midget boy who might have been a doll...?

_What the hell is this thing?  
_  
"Buffy," Rosemary began quietly. "Harmony came to talk to me about the scene in the bedroom this morning."

Buffy turned from the strange soap opera to give Rosemary her undivided attention. 

"The 'scene'?"

"What would you call it?" Rosemary asked her all too seriously.

Buffy clicked off the TV. She guessed they were going to have that conversation now after all.

"I'd call it a complete invasion of privacy. I'd call it totally rude. She was going through my **closet**! They were making snarky comments about my **clothes**! God knows what else they looked through when I wasn't home. That's my room, they had no business being in my room, going through my stuff." Buffy's sense of outrage had risen quickly to the surface, and she could not even contemplate that any rational person would not see her position and declare her the wounded party here. But this was Rosemary, and these were the Kendall sisters. Rationality had no place here.

"Harmony was very offended by your attitude, Buffy. And Glory as well. They both said you were very rude to them, and practically threw them out of the bedroom." Buffy was about to argue but Rosemary rushed to continue. "And having heard what went on there, what was said, I agree with them. They were just looking at your wardrobe. They didn't do you any **harm**, Buffy. But you were very rude to them, in my own home. I don't like it when people are rude to my family members in my own home. I think you owe them an apology." Rosemary finished, waiting for Buffy's response in all seriousness.

Buffy sat back in absolute astonishment. Rosemary was actually **serious**. She thought **Harmony** was the aggrieved person here. Words could not express how completely floored Buffy was by this unexpected reaction from Rosemary. She had given some consideration to the fact that Rosemary might not back her up fully, but she had not considered that Rosemary wouldn't back her up **at all**. Was this not her home? Had she been deluding herself about her place here these last few weeks?

"I can't ... I don't ... I thought this was my home right now ... my bedroom..." She just trailed off, words failing her. When she was sent to the maternity home, her room was her own, private except to authorized staff. When she went to live with Faith, her room was her own. Did that principle not apply here as well? Was this so different?

Apparently it was. At least Rosemary thought so. This simple fact -- the idea that no place was considered 'hers', private and set-aside, -- she found both astonishing and completely demoralizing. She could barely comprehend it.

Faced with Buffy's quiet and confused response, Rosemary decided to elaborate on the situation. "Buffy, we took you into our house to help, but it's still our house. And those are my sisters. You need to be polite to my sisters. Because if it comes to a choice between you and Harmony, I'd choose Harmony. Of course I would. She's my baby sister. You're not family. You're nothing to me, in that sense. I think you're probably, basically, a good kid. But you're not **my** kid. And I don't owe you anything. At all. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Buffy just stared at her, still in shock. Why hadn't she seen this coming? How could she have let herself believe anything other than what Rosemary was saying right now? God, she was such an **idiot**. This wasn't her home. It never was, and never would be. It was just a roof over her head for a while, that's all. She had been dropped into the home of this couple, and she could be plucked out of it just as quickly. She had no part of them at all, and they probably wouldn't even remember her name after she was gone.

"Yeah, I understand. I'm sorry I forgot," Buffy mumbled as she looked down at her food, no longer hungry. She rose and walked back into the kitchen, and tossed the remains of her lunch in the garbage pail. 

"I'm glad we had this talk, Buffy." Rosemary followed her to the breakfast bar and watched her rinse her plate and put it in the dishwasher. "We really don't want to have to send you back over some silly misunderstanding like this. Right?" She smiled broadly, as though they had reached some mutually agreeable accord and all was well again.

Buffy thought briefly that whenever she saw Rosemary smile that bright happy smile, it was usually when she had just dumped something annoying or horrible in Buffy's lap. It was Rosemary's 'fuck you' smile. She almost preferred Harmony's outright bitchy meanness. At least that was honest, you knew it was coming at you. Rosemary's meanness was hidden in smiles and friendly 'understandings' and veiled threats. Yeah, she needed to be wary of Rosemary all right. A happy Rosemary was a scary Rosemary. 

_Thank God she wasn't able to have children of her own to torment like this.  
_  
Buffy decided that she'd play along if that's what was necessary in this house in order to get along. It was either that or move, and a move was unthinkable.

"Sure, of course. It was just a misunderstanding. I'm very sorry," She smiled prettily. "I've got some more studying to do before class tonight. I'm just gonna go ... do ... that." She turned and walked quickly out of the room, smiling until she knew Rosemary could no longer see her face.

Once she knew she was out of sight, her expression turned grim.

_Yeah, Rosemary. I understand.  
_

xxxxx

When she reached her room again she stood in the doorway, feeling a little lost. She gazed for a minute at her not-private space, her not-really-hers-bedroom. It was very depressing, now that she saw the room in that way, and she lay down on her bed to think for a while, and couldn't help but let the tears fall at last. She allowed about half an hour to cry, then pulled herself together and got up.

Her decision now made, she took a long shower and washed the heaviness and the tears of this day away. She would not cry any more over these people, over this stupid foster home. She was Buffy Summers, and she could do what she needed to do no matter if everyone else was working against her. She'd done it before and she would do it again. So what if she didn't have a place of her own anywhere. It was just temporary. Until she got Katie back.

Actually, she realized, it was good that this had happened, because now she understood her place here. In fact, she had made her first mistake in thinking that she had a place here at all. She would not to make that mistake again.

She called Spike and asked him if he would pick her up at the end of her class in the late afternoon. She really needed to see him today, to connect with him. She had no place to call her own, except in his arms. In his arms she felt safe, felt like she belonged somewhere. And she really didn't want to be alone tonight.

She spent the rest of the time before she needed to leave and catch her bus in getting dressed and made up to see Spike this evening. After all, she had a boy to impress. And no matter what Harmony and Glory thought, she knew she had a wicked fashion sense.

_Like __**they**__ have a frickin' clue.  
_

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Spike heard more than Buffy intended to reveal to him that day on the phone. In spite of her determinedly upbeat words and tone, he detected beneath it sadness. He didn't know what was causing it, although the reasons, when you considered it was Buffy, could be legion. He hated to think that it might even be something he had done or failed to do. He hoped that it wasn't.

He decided to arrive a little early this time, hoping to avoid any more episodes with unwelcome boys and men harassing Buffy while she waited for him. She said that this class let out at five-thirty; he made sure to arrive by five-fifteen.

Quickly bored with waiting, though, he decided it would be interesting to actually go inside and see if he could get a glimpse of this week's class. She hadn't mentioned to him the name of the class. She'd only told him the meeting room number and it's location within the sprawling community health clinic building so that he could park close by when he came to get her. He thought that if he were quiet enough he could listen in a bit from the hallway, and find out what they talked about in there.

Once inside, he strode through the hall until he found the correct meeting room. There she was -- sitting on the right side in a large circle of chairs. Girlish laughter spilled out into the halls; the instructor had made some kind of joke.

Spike frowned and leaned forward a bit to get a better look from his position in the hall. All the girls had raised one arm and were pushing and prodding at their own breasts with the other hand. He was mystified by this. What the hell kind of class was she taking, anyway? Women were so strange sometimes, he just didn't have a bloody clue. He shook his head and stepped back to lean against the wall, watching as the girls switched breasts.

_Well that's just bloody strange. What the hell're they doin' in there?  
_  
Suddenly the class was over and the girls were rising to leave the room. A woman stood in the doorway handing each girl a paper bag of 'goodies' to take home with her. As the girls poured out of the door, they each gave him a look - some appraising, some fearful, some openly flirtatious. Buffy was still inside, talking to another girl, a very pregnant young blonde. They laughed and he wondered who she might be. While he was preoccupied with watching the girls, the instructor stepped out into the hallway and approached him.

"Hello, were you waiting for me?" she asked with an open smile.

"Er, no," he stuttered. "Was waitin' for Buffy to come out. I'm drivin' her home."

"Well, she should be out any minute," she considered him for a moment. "Here's an extra bag to take with you. You never know -- you might find some of this useful." She handed him the bag and gave him a knowing smile, then turned and walked back into the meeting room.

Buffy came out a moment later, holding her own bag. She raised an eyebrow at the bag in Spike's hand and chuckled. "Hey there handsome."

Spike simply scowled as he embraced her and offered her a light kiss on the lips. He pulled back slightly, broke into a grin and popped one finger on the tip of her nose, declaring as he did so that it was time to get out of there. Buffy just laughed and fell into step beside him.

xxxxx

"So pet, what was all that about?" Spike threw the question out casually as they were settling into the car.

"The class?" She studied his profile for a moment. "It was that class I was ordered to take -- 'Sexuality for Teenage Girls and Young Women'. Why? How long were you waiting there? What did you hear?"

Spike shifted nervously in his seat, and mumbled something that she couldn't quite catch.

"Sorry?" 

"I said, I came in just as you lot were doing all that ... prodding of ... breasts and such. What was that about?"

Buffy stifled a laugh at his discomfiture. _My poor boy. So confused._

"She was teaching us how to examine our own breasts." she smiled as she watched him take in this information. He glanced her way, and she could tell he wasn't getting it at all.

"To detect breast cancer early. Everyone's supposed to do it once a month. Look for lumps?"

She watched him take this information in and observed how the clinical explanation caused him to visibly relax once more. Seeing his response, she wondered what on earth he thought they were doing to have been made so uncomfortable by it. Not wishing to embarrass him further she decided not to ask, but she did think it was her duty to mention what the teacher had told them about it. "She said even men should do it -- they can get breast cancer too, and they don't usually have anyone poking around up there who'd notice a lump if they got one."

And there he was! Her devastatingly handsome blushing guy was sitting beside her now . 

_God, he is so cute.  
_  
"Well. That's ... interestin' ... luv," he managed. "Prob'ly don't need to be too concerned though, bein' a man and all. 'Sides, I wouldn't really know how ..."

"She said there'd be a booklet in the bag she gave us. You should read that."

The car stopped for a traffic light, and she caught his full attention then as she told him, "And I'm sure **I'll **keep a look out too -- when I'm touching you ... right ... there ..." 

He stopped breathing for a moment and turned his head away to watch for the signal change, a slight smile on his lips. He was so sexy right now, she just loved it. The next thing she knew, though, he had turned it around on her.

"And I'd be glad to reciprocate, luv. I'm sure I'd make a quite **thorough** inspection, and more'n once a month, too." He turned his gaze back on her then, and her mouth dropped open as she realized she'd pretty much walked right into that one.

"That a promise?"

He didn't answer, just kept staring at her in that sexy smirking way he had. God, she really loved that. It made her want to climb in his lap and get started with the examining already. However, the light changed and he continued on through the intersection on their way to ...

"Where are we going?" she suddenly wondered.

"Home."

"Home?" She was disappointed. She needed some quality Spike time tonight. Home was the last place she wanted to go.

Spike heard the dismay in her voice and quickly continued, "**My **home. I want to take you to dinner at my house. Then after, we can hang out for a while there before I have to take you back to your house again. If I recall correctly, the last time you were at my house you didn't really get to stay too long ..." He glanced her way, checking for any signs that she thought his plan was a poor one. "You okay with that, pet?"

It was certainly a surprise, but she gave it a quick thought and felt up to the challenge of sharing a meal with his aunt and uncle. She might even be able to win over Giles from his inexplicable dislike of her. And his aunt had sounded nice from what little he'd mentioned so far. It would be good to spend some time with a family that from all she could tell seemed normal and happy. She hadn't had normal and happy since ... well, it had been a long time.

"Sure, that sounds kinda nice, actually." She had a sudden thought. "Your Aunt Jenny -- she's not into a weird food phase is she?" Buffy didn't like being picky, but some things simply were **not **intended to be food. She was a girl with simple culinary tastes. The exotic and meant-to-be-inedible she'd leave for braver people than her.

"Nah, she's cookin' normal American stuff right now."

"Good. Cuz, blood pies and grubs are soooo not on my menu." She shuddered at the thought.

"Nope, no blood pies or grubs tonight."

"Good."'

He turned to look at her, giving her a soft smile, and reached for her hand. "I promise you it'll be good, luv. Only good things for my girl tonight."

She smiled happily at him, then turned to look out the side window as they drove on to his house for dinner. 

Yeah, it was going to be good tonight.

xxxxxxx

This chapter gave me fits. Hope you liked it. Please leave a review if you can, they mean a lot to me. Thanks.

Sara


	15. Chapter 54

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: Who knew Wednesday would be such a looonnng day? This chapter follows immediately after the last one. I wanted to point out that I realize that Buffy and Spike -- especially Buffy -- are very comfortable with each other after a short period of time in that way that folks who fall in love at first sight and get married in Vegas do. Not that they are going to do that, but that's intentional on my part, so try to put it in that context, okay? Thanks. :-)

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Fifty-Four**  
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_**Wednesday's Child**_

It was almost six o'clock when Spike pulled up in front of his house with a very quiet Buffy beside him. She had grown more and more still the nearer to his home they came, and he was somewhat concerned at her change in mood. Obviously she was nervous about meeting his aunt and uncle like this, and having dinner with them. It was a spur of the moment idea on his part and she'd had no warning. It was too late to change plans now, though, since Jenny had already prepared dinner for them and they were expected at any minute. No, what he really needed was a distraction for Buffy; something that would pull her out of herself a bit and loosen things up before they went inside. He'd been trying to come up with something during the drive when he suddenly realized that a subject had already presented itself, ready-made. Sure it was a risk, but he thought it would be fun and serve the purpose well.

Killing the engine, he turned to see that Buffy was looking at his house like a man about to take the long walk to the chair. He reached between them and picked up his white paper 'goody bag' and shook it experimentally. That got her attention.

"What are you doing?" she asked him softly.

"Teacher gave me a goody bag," he drawled with a slow grin. "Can't stand not knowin' what the goodies are."

"Um ... I don't know if --" she shook her head doubtfully and reached for the bag he held.

"Ah ah ah ... This one's mine. 'M goin' to see what I got," he pulled the bag back out of her reach with a teasing smile. He opened the bag and peered inside, his smile turning to a quizzical frown. "So far 'm not seein' the 'goody' part of this bag, luv."

"What ... did she ... uh ... put in there?" The class had been on the topic of sexuality and the teenage girl. The teacher had been a free-spirited and funny kind of woman, very relaxed in her own sexuality, and she'd covered a wide gamut of rather embarrassing subjects today. Buffy couldn't imagine what she might have put in a goody bag for her students.

"Let's see then," he started pulling things out and laying them on the seat as he named them. "There's a bunch of pamphlets -- _'STDs 'n You', 'When Love Hurts: Dating and Domestic Violence', 'The Female Body: A User's Manual'_. Now that sounds a treat," He waggled his eyebrows at Buffy, who simply laughed at him. He continued his perusal of bagged items. "'_What To Do When the Stick Turns Blue'_ ..." he trailed off, confused, until suddenly the meaning came to him.

"Right, then. Uh ... _'Rape Crisis Coun --'_ yeah, there, uh ... Here we go! Coupons! Free stuff. That's more like it. Let's see ... Coupons for free condoms. **Excellent**. Twenty-five percent off of a pregnancy test kit. Well ... uh ... Then here's five _McDonalds One Dollar Gift Certificates_ ..." He tilted his head in a puzzled frown, trying to come up with some special reason for the inclusion of fast food coupons. He looked at Buffy. "D'you think that's for the dinner a bloke's s'posed to take a girl to before ...?"

She saw the twinkle in his eyes as he teased her and just bit her lip and chuckled with a shake of her head. Against all expectations, she found herself quite amused by his recital of this litany of embarrassing subjects. She was so happy to be with a guy who could make her laugh and feel so easy and free, when everyone else seemed to delight in making things so hard. His presence in her life was a gift, and she appreciated his gentle teasing attempts to lighten the tension. Somehow he could make everything terrible just drop away with a few words and that marvelous smile. She honestly didn't know what she'd have done without him tonight.

"Hmmm. **Never mind **... Well, now, **here's** something to complete the package." He had a naughty gleam in his eyes and she saw his tongue touch the back of his teeth in that sexy way she liked. He put his hand in the bag and withdrew it dramatically to reveal a string of six individual condom packets, each condom colored red, white, and blue.

They both stared at the string of condoms in complete silence for a few moments.

"Well. Good to know the flag'll protect us from somethin'," he deadpanned.

He said this so seriously that Buffy erupted in an explosive riot of giggles, and once started she had a hard time getting settled down again. Spike chuckled with her for a bit, enjoying watching her laugh, although she seemed unable to stop. The stress of the day had built up to such a pitch within her, that the laughter became a kind of release valve, permitting the tension to finally just fall away.

Suddenly Spike leaned forward, pulled her closer, and kissed her soundly.

Success. He had stopped the nervous giggles and managed to divert that energy into an entirely new and much more enjoyable direction. After a minute they came up for air; leaning forehead against forehead, neither spoke. It was his voice that finally broke the silence.

"I don't know, luv, but I'm thinkin' those might prove useful someday."

"**Really**?" Buffy's eyes grew large as she drew back a bit, giving him a considering look of feigned astonishment. "I really don't think we're ever gonna need anything like ... **that**." She shook her head with extreme confidence, utterly and completely humorless.

"That right?" he smirked. He wasn't fooled. She was his, and they both knew it. "I'm thinkin' you could be mistaken on that subject."

"I don't know. I don't think --"

He cut her off by crashing his lips down upon hers for a passionate kiss, wrapping her in his arms. After a while, he pulled back and gazed into her eyes with a smoldering intensity, lifting one hand to softly caress her cheek as the other fell to take her hand in his.

"I ... c-could be ... wrong .." Buffy stammered, dazed by his kiss.

"Yeah?" He lifted his chin and grinned.

"Yeah," But she recovered quickly, and smiling innocently at him, decided to continue the game. "But we're gonna need to pay attention to the expiration dates on those things." She shook her head. "I'm not sure they're good for more than five years ..."

She had him. Just for the briefest second, there was doubt and alarm in those marvelous blue eyes of his. Then it was gone, replaced by something else. Something more like ... wonder. That was it. He was looking at her as though she were something wondrous. No one had ever looked at her that way before. She could fall into his arms this very minute and just drown in the way he was gazing upon her right now. 

They stared at each other in silence for a bit longer, then they both shifted back, breaking the spell. They had a family dinner to get to, and it wouldn't do to appear as though they'd been making out right before they came in to 'meet the folks'.

"Is that the last of the goodies?" She coughed when she heard her voice crack.

"No, there're a couple of little bottles of flavored lubricant here too," Spike's voice had become husky in the last couple of minutes, and he cleared his throat. "But I think we might leave that subject aside for now, yeah?" He smiled at her, obviously attempting to keep it light while at the same time bringing his own raging hormones under control. Buffy made a concerted effort to avoid looking at his lap.

Spike raised her hand and kissed her palm with a soft smile.

"Why don't we get inside, luv. 'M hungry." He looked like he was hungry for more than food, but Buffy just nodded in agreement. As Spike returned the 'goodies' back into the bag and went around to open her door, she checked her hair and makeup in the mirror. Satisfied that she'd pass the 'parental' inspection, she steeled herself for the evening ahead.

It was judgment day. Time to get to know his family.

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"Here you go," Jenny smiled as she handed Buffy and Spike their drinks and then settled in an armchair. "Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes."

"Thank you," Buffy smiled shyly from her place on the sofa, next to Spike.

The living room was more orderly this evening, with Giles' strange books sitting neatly on their shelves once more. The Christmas tree still stood cheerfully in its place in the living room, all twinkling colorful lights and bulbs. All in all it was a very pleasant, welcoming kind of home, so different from her family's or her foster family's more expensive and professionally decorated houses, and Buffy really liked it here. To Buffy, this was the kind of place that she aspired to provide for Katie some day -- neither her mother's perfect showcase nor her cousin's sketchy apartment. And the woman responsible for it's inviting atmosphere was seated across from the young couple, sipping a glass of white wine.

Spike's aunt was not anything like Buffy had expected. Where Giles seemed to be in his forties and was stuffy and formal, Jenny appeared to be about a decade younger and of an independent, more bohemian spirit. Tonight, for instance, Jenny was dressed in a loose-fitting ankle length dress in a beautiful pattern of golds and reds and blacks. The style was very bohemian and free. If someone had told Buffy that Jenny grew her own pot in the basement she would not have batted an eye. Giles, on the other hand, wore dress pants and a button down shirt and tie, and seemed quite tense and formal even though they were in his own home, sitting in his own living room on a Wednesday evening. Buffy couldn't understand why the man was so uptight all the time and even less how he'd come to be married to the free and easy Jenny. Very mysterious. She thought perhaps their joining had originated with Giles' interest in 'ancient myths and religions'. Jenny clearly looked like someone who might be involved in such things.

All in all, Buffy liked Jenny very much, and could almost see her as a young but motherly figure. She thought she could like Giles too, if he would just relax and stop staring at her when he thought she wasn't looking -- like right now, as a case in point. However, whenever Buffy would turn her head in his direction he suddenly found something interesting on his pants leg, or in his glass. He had yet to make actual eye contact or engage in anything other than stilted conversation. Curiouser and curiouser.

Buffy couldn't help noticing that Spike too was surprised by his uncle's discomfort tonight. Although Buffy had never seen Giles _not_ uncomfortable with her, apparently Spike had not anticipated it. Which meant that this fidgeting, serious, uncomfortable man was not the one Spike had expected tonight. More curious still.

There was only one conclusion to be drawn as far as Buffy was concerned. It was her, Buffy, that made Giles so nervous and formal even in his own home. She was certain that if she were not here, he would relax and revert to the man Spike and Jenny knew him to be.

Puzzled by this man's reaction to her, Buffy felt she really had only one option here, if she was going to be Spike's girlfriend. She had to try to win Giles over and get him to relax around her. She gave it a name -- only in her head, of course. 'Operation Win Giles'. She thought it was a good plan. Now she just had to come up with a good way to implement it.

"So, Buffy, Spike tells us that you're from New York originally," Jenny asked her pleasantly. "What brought you to Sunnydale?"

Buffy glanced quickly at Spike, who simply squeezed her hand and nodded at her to go ahead and talk. She realized then that they hadn't ever discussed what he had or had not told his aunt and uncle about her, so she didn't know how far to go with her explanations. Since Giles was her contact at the school now she didn't have any way of knowing how much he had been told. If she misrepresented something that he actually knew the details about she would look like a liar to him, and that was the last thing she wanted him to think of her. Sizing up the situation quickly, she thought it were best to go with the truth. Edited for general audiences, of course.

"Um, well ..." she started softly, then stopped and glanced at Spike once more.

He smiled and whispered, "Go on then, luv. It's okay."

She hoped he was right.

"Well, okay," she took a deep breath and plunged into her story. "I, um, had a baby a year ago last November, and my mom and dad were kinda mad and wouldn't let me keep her. So I came out to California to live with my cousin who's a couple years older than me and was already living here in Sunnydale." She smiled nervously and glanced at Giles a moment, to see if he was still staring at her. She saw that he was peering into his glass once again, so she decided this would be easier if she concentrated on Jenny and just pretended that Giles wasn't in the room.

"So, um, I lived with Faith -- my cousin -- and got a job cleaning houses to help pay for things. We lived in an apartment on the old side of Sunnydale, past Second Street. Anyway, we lived like that for about a year, when suddenly the police showed up looking for Faith and found me instead. Since I was underage and a, um, runaway, they arrested me and took my baby and put us both in different foster homes. So now I'm back in high school and working with my case worker to get my baby back again."

There. That was the entire thing in a nutshell. She hoped there weren't any questions.

"So, your baby is about a year old then," Jenny smiled gently. "Do you have a picture with you?"

Buffy smiled and reached for her purse, taking out her wallet and passing it to Jenny with the page turned to a picture of Faith playing in the park with Katie. "That's my cousin Faith, with her there."

"She's adorable. Looks so much like you, too." Jenny handed the wallet to Giles. "What's her name?"

"Katharine Marie. After my grandmothers. We call her Katie." Buffy looked at Spike again, and saw that he was smiling at her in what looked like pride. She didn't know why he would be proud, but that was definitely what it looked like. She squeezed his hand back and smiled her appreciation of his support.

Giles handed the wallet back to Buffy and she tucked it in her purse again.

"It is rather unusual that you would be arrested for simply being a runaway and have your child removed from your care by social services in such a manner," Giles looked up from his glass and directly into her eyes now. "Why were the police involved? Why were they looking for your cousin?"

_Okay, so there are questions. Dammit. _Buffy's smile wavered and she froze like a deer caught in headlights, while Spike frowned at his uncle for both asking the question and for the mildly belligerent tone in which it was couched.

"Rupert, I'm sure Buffy doesn't wish to discuss such an unhappy subject with us tonight," Jenny attempted to steer the conversation away. 

Giles did not seem to be bothered by his nephew's glare nor by Jenny's attempt at diversion. "I'm sure Miss Summers has no reason to be embarrassed by anything she's done. The question is rather simple and straightforward, after all." He turned his gaze upon Buffy, obviously waiting for her response.

"Um, well," she started uncertainly. "My cousin had gotten involved with a guy who, um, managed a strip club. And, well, I guess they were running drugs and stuff from the strip club. That's what the police were interested in when they came to our apartment. My cousin and her boyfriend were away for a romantic weekend so they were able to get away once the raid went down, and all the police were left with at home was me. So they ... took me."

She glanced at Spike again, silently asking him whether she was doing okay so far. He smiled at her and kissed her hand in support. She then turned her attention to Jenny and Giles. Jenny was nodding with what appeared to be sympathetic understanding. Giles, however, looked anything but.

"And your involvement...?" he was staring at her now in all seriousness.

"Look here --" Spike began to object.

Buffy cut him off. "No, no, that's fair. I guess I'd wonder too if it wasn't my weird life I was living." She decided that if he was going to be forward and belligerent then she would be just as forward and politely deliberate in response. Obviously this man had issues with her, and if she ever expected him to like her even a little bit, then she'd have to be honest with him first.

"My involvement was that I lived in my cousin's apartment. That's all. The police showed up and searched it and found that my cousin's boyfriend had stashed some drugs and a gun in my bedroom. I didn't know they were there and was as surprised as they were. So since I didn't know anything about anything illegal or that the drugs and gun were there, the judge dismissed those charges against me and just held me for being a runaway and a truant from school. And since I was living with my cousin and they had found drugs and a weapon the judge took my daughter away for a little while and ordered me to take a lot of classes and stuff before he gives her back to me. And that's my involvement, Mr. Giles."

She thought that should have done the trick. All her cards were on the table, there was nothing else to tell, at least nothing that was anyone's business but her own. But when she saw his face she realized with disbelief that his attitude toward her had not seemed to have changed in the slightest. What was this man's problem? She was starting to get angry now. She'd been invited into their home for dinner, not a third degree and to be condescended to. And yet he had still more questions!

"There was more to it than that, wasn't there Miss Summers?" he was actually looking down his nose at her now. Literally. Buffy had always thought that was just an expression, but this man was actually doing it. Son of a --

"Not really, no." Her anger was showing now. "Something you want to know in particular?"

At this point, Spike and Jenny were just watching the train wreck unfold before them, having no idea why it started or how to make it all stop. Spike had no idea where Giles was going with this, but Jenny thought she understood and hoped he wasn't actually going to ask what she thought he might. She made a last attempt to diffuse the situation.

"Rupert --" she interjected.

"No." Buffy cut her off, and turned to Giles again. "If you have a question, ask it. Because I don't know what you're talking about or why you've been so hostile to me since the first moment we met at the high school and I'd like to know. What is your problem with me? What have I ever done to make you talk to me this way?" Buffy had passed into angry confrontation mode by this time. She tilted her chin up and waited for his answer.

Giles considered her for a moment, then swallowed the last of the scotch in his glass before responding.

"Very well, Miss Summers," he settled his stony gaze upon the girl sitting before him. "I would like to know under what circumstances you found yourself working in that same strip club. And how those drugs and guns were supposedly 'hidden' among your daughter's toys without your knowledge. Under circumstances such as those I would have expected you to be sentenced to a juvenile facility at the very least, not to probation and Sunnydale High School. And your parental rights terminated as well. Can you enlighten us regarding those circumstances, Miss Summers?"

Buffy just stared at Giles, speechless. She was offended that he insisted upon calling her 'Miss Summers' even though she had asked him three times so far to call her Buffy. 'Miss Summers' sounded so distant, so cold. Rather than evidence of respect, his use of the formality seemed calculated to belittle her.

And she couldn't believe he had just asked her that question, or how he came to believe those things in the first place. It certainly explained his hostility, though. Her emotions were all jumbled now and she just didn't know how to react. She bounced within seconds from dumbfounded to furious to hurt to furious and to speechless once again. She thought wildly that it was like playing whack-a-mole with her feelings. She didn't know which one would stick at the end. Speechless now gave way to hurt-furious. She was gonna go with that one.

"I don't know where you get your information, but here's the truth," her voice was steely and her gaze penetrating. "I've never even been inside a strip club much less been a stripper. And the drugs and gun were hidden inside a secret compartment in the seat of the toy rocking horse my cousin's boyfriend gave to my daughter. I had no idea he'd done it. I'm not in juvenile hall because I didn't do anything wrong other than try to give birth to, keep, and raise my baby, which eventually meant running away from home and being unable to enroll in school in California. I'm a good person. And I'm a good mother, and I would never put my daughter in danger intentionally."

She placed her drink on the coffee table and stood up suddenly. She looked over at Jenny and said in a slightly shaky voice, "Thank you for inviting me to your home tonight, Mrs Giles. It was very nice to meet you."

Then she turned to Spike and whispered "I'm so sorry." And with that she bolted for the door and went out into the night.

Spike looked at his aunt and uncle in complete shock, then stood up and tried to say something but found himself too enraged to speak. He just shook his head and gave Giles a look that spoke more volumes about the magnitude of his anger than any words could have done. He turned and marched out after her, slamming the door behind him.

Taken aback by the girl's angry response and departure, Giles finally had the good sense to look ashamed. He didn't understand himself what had come over him. What had he just done? The evening wasn't supposed to go this way.

Jenny stared at him for a minute then rose to go into the kitchen to save the dinner from burning. As she walked away she tossed back over her shoulder, "I was wrong, Rupert. You **are** a **bloody** fool."

Giles sat in the living room, alone, staring into his empty glass and wondering when and how he'd become such a pillock, completely unawares. He didn't know how he would ever put this to rights again.

He got up and poured himself another stiff drink.

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Well, I had six different ways for this evening to go, and was pulling my hair out over it and finally chose this one. I hope you're not disappointed by this turn of events. It fits better with the rest of the story, though I'm not telling how or why and you're probably not going to guess so... Anyway. Hope you like. Or at least tolerate it benevolently and move along with me to the next chapter. As I've said in the past -- these characters seem to have a mind of their own. I just invited four people to sit down to a nice dinner, and then they do _this_. They're frickin' incorrigible, the lot of them.

The title of this chapter is taken from the well-known old poem:

_Monday's child is fair of face,  
Tuesday's child is full of grace,  
Wednesday's child is full of woe,  
Thursday's child has far to go,  
Friday's child is loving and giving,  
Saturday's child works hard for his living,  
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day  
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay._

And in my story, Buffy was actually born on a Wednesday, which was not planned but worked out well I think. (Katie was born on Tuesday). :-)

Please read and leave a review if you can. I appreciate every single one.

Sara


	16. Chapter 55

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for your reviews and for accepting the direction I took the dinner. It was really the best way, as you seemed to totally get, and I'm beyond happy that you saw it that way too. I'd been concerned since so many reviews from the chapter before that seemed to feel that the dinner was going to go well and I didn't want to disappoint, but I've gotta do what I've gotta do. I promise there will be happy fluffy times in the future, as well as angst galore, but this particular period in the story is extremely important as a foundation for those future times. Anyway, thanks for trusting me and I hope you enjoy this third piece of _The Wednesday That Would Not End._ :-)

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Fifty-Five**  
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_**Still Wednesday**_

Slamming the door behind him, Spike marched out onto the front porch and came to an abrupt stop. He was so furious that he could barely breathe; he was outraged at the way in which his uncle had spoken to Buffy. His control was slipping, and he realized that he would have to calm himself before he would be able to speak to anyone, especially Buffy herself. He didn't want his own lack of control to make the situation any worse for her.

While he worked to pull himself under control, his eyes made a sweep of the porch, yard, and street for any sign of his girl, but she was nowhere to be seen. He swore under his breath, and strode off in search of her, all the while regulating his breaths and trying to force himself to calm down and regain better control of his emotions.

He didn't know why his uncle had made those accusations against her, and he would need to find out where that had come from, but right now his first impulse was to find Buffy and offer her any comfort and reassurance she needed after that surprising confrontation in his living room. He had never seen it coming. But somehow, she had.

Thinking back on it, there had been signs. He didn't know what kind of a day she'd had before he picked her up that afternoon, but from her apparent desperation to stay out this evening he suspected it had not been a pleasant one. He also recalled the look on her face when they pulled up to the house and she stared at his front door. That look told him she was dreading meeting his aunt and uncle tonight, but he had just written it off as normal nervousness about meeting his family. He had promised himself that it would be okay at dinner tonight, had promised **her** that the evening would be fine. A part of him had known that part of her fear was due to her distrust of adults in general. Given her circumstances, that was not an unreasonable reaction, although one he did not share. He had truly believed that **his** family would welcome her and put her at ease, take some of that fear from her heart.

But now that he had seen it first hand ... Well, he had to admit that if this was the kind of thing she faced every day from the adults around her, then he wasn't so sure she hadn't been right all along to mistrust them. What the hell was wrong with everyone lately?

Standing on the sidewalk in front of his house, he looked around and saw nothing that would help him determine which way she had gone. A quick look in his car told him she hadn't managed to get inside there either. Right, then. Making a quick decision, he hopped in his car and decided to drive slowly toward her house, following the most likely route, hoping to find her walking in that direction. It seemed like the most logical thing for her to do, and he was fresh out of other ideas.

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Giles poured himself another drink, swallowed it in one gulp, then poured another to sip more slowly. After the way this evening had gone, a few stiff drinks were definitely on the menu. Jenny had not returned from the kitchen, so he had some time on his own to think about the colossal error in judgment he had just made. He was certain that both William and Jenny would be beating him about the head with it later, but for now he was thankful that he had been left to contemplate his idiocy in solitude.

Filled with his own morose thoughts, he strolled to the back of the house and into his garden. He always thought more clearly in his garden. It had proven time and again to be a place of comfort and relaxation, a place to let go of his stress and the weariness that came upon him at the end of a long day. He fervently hoped that, with the assistance of some twenty year old scotch, his garden would once again provide him with the peace and quiet he needed in order to come to terms with the events of this evening.

Tonight the moon was but a sliver in the sky, and visibility was difficult where the lights of the houses and street lamps did not penetrate. Excellent. He had no desire to see or be seen at the present moment. He stood upon the patio for a few minutes, then began walking slowly down the brick path to sit in the gazebo at the center far end of the yard. It was a small one, the centerpiece of his garden. Lost in thought, he did not realize he had company until he had nearly reached the gazebo. By then it was far too late for retreat.

She sat in the entryway of the structure, her arms wrapped around her knees and her head down upon her arms, consumed by her own pain. It would have been obvious to anyone who saw her hunched and heaving shoulders that she was crying, albeit quietly. Giles' heart softened immediately for this young girl, sobbing silently in his garden. His fault this time, the poor girl's misery, the result of his earlier, misguided, inquisition. 

_Bloody hell. What have I come to, that I would reduce the poor girl to tears?  
_  
Not wishing to alarm her, he coughed gently to warn her of his presence. She stilled a moment but did not look up at him. Good, then. At least she hadn't bolted. He waited a breath, then decided to plunge in.

"May I sit beside you?" he asked gently, softly. 

Buffy raised her head and looked up into his eyes a moment, then turned her head away and nodded. As he seated himself beside her on the step, Giles pulled out a clean handkerchief and held it out to her. She glanced at it and then at his face, taking the handkerchief with a quiet 'thank you' nodded in his direction.

He stared into his glass while she dried her eyes and blew her nose, wishing to give her some small privacy as she straightened herself after her cry. Finished, she held the small cloth in her hands and twisted the edges over and over again with nervous fingers. They sat together silently in this way for about a minute, and then Giles broke the stillness.

"I don't believe there is anything I can say that could make up for the way I spoke to you tonight. But you do have my sincerest apology, Miss ... Buffy. It was not my intention to hurt you. My intention, believe it or not, was to protect my nephew. I had been told some very alarming things about you when you first arrived at the high school, and quite stupidly I didn't bother to find out whether or not they were, in fact, true. That was a very foolish mistake, and I regret that I cannot go back and change the way this played out between us, both now and earlier."

Giles turned slightly to see if there were any reaction to his words so far. She was staring straight ahead, and appeared to be listening intently. Well, that was something at least. He tilted his head her way and watched her carefully as he continued.

"Buffy, I apologize for my behavior, both this evening and on the occasions when you've come into the library. There is simply no excuse for the manner in which I've treated you. Even were the facts correct as I had been told them, and I realize belatedly that they were not, there is no excuse for my behavior toward you. I am very sorry, and I hope you can forgive me."

Buffy turned her head and stared at the tall man sitting next to her and contemplated him for a minute. Finally, she decided he was sincere. She briefly considered making him grovel a bit, and if he'd been someone else she might have done. But she wanted to have a good relationship with Spike's aunt and uncle, and there was no place for groveling in the effort to achieve that. So instead, she nodded and accepted his apology with as much good grace as she could muster.

"Thank you," she couldn't quite bring herself to smile so she kept her countenance as neutral as possible. "I accept your apology. And I want you to know, I told you the truth in there."

"I realize that now, and I am very sorry, Buffy."

Some tears welled up again, and she dabbed at her eyes in an effort to make them stop. "Who ... who told you those things about me? Why would someone lie like that? What have I ever done to hurt anyone that they keep ... why would they do that?"

"Well..." he hesitated. He wasn't sure it was a good idea to 'out' his source. The man was impossible, and Giles didn't want Buffy to do or say anything in Snyder's presence that she might later regret. He was certain this was not the last affront she would suffer at the hands of the little man; no need to inflame the friction that would inevitably rise up between them.

"I want to know. Please. I have a right to know who is spreading lies about me Mr. Giles." Buffy wasn't backing down on this; she was determined to find out who was poisoning people's minds against her here.

"Perhaps you're right," he admitted. He hoped he wasn't making a huge error here. _In for a penny ...  
_  
"Principal Snyder," he sighed and then went on to explain. "He called me into his office and informed me that he had been given information about a new student who would require special testing and tutoring and also a faculty contact. He told me that I was assigned to assist you and that I was responsible for you while you were attending the high school. He is the person who gave me that erroneous information, and he said that he had been told these things regarding you when you were assigned to the school."

"And you just believed him? Spike says he's known to be, well, **troll-like and skeezy**" There was a hint of accusation in her eyes. Giles thought he deserved it. He certainly regretted now that he had so readily believed the misinformation.

Giles gave a her a small smile. "Yes, well, that may be true. And ordinarily I do not take any notice of his ... troll-like and skeezy ... opinions of people. But in my defense, he did seem to be quite certain of the information given to him, and indicated to me that he'd been told this from someone higher up than he. And he gave every appearance of believing the information to be correct, which is why I didn't question it at face value. And I realize that I have been a fool not to have done so, and again, I am very sorry, Buffy. I do hope you can forgive me some day for the pain my foolishness cost you."

She was silent for a few moments, as though considering whether to forgive him. "Well ... I have been known to make a few mistakes myself sometimes, so I guess I can let this one slide." She gave him a mock glare. "**This time**" 

Startled by her serious demeanor, Giles stared carefully at her, trying to determine whether he was yet forgiven. In the shadows he could see her mouth quirk in a little grin, all mischief and teasing. Giles shook his head amiably and took a sip of his scotch. "Well then I shall have to make quite certain that I don't fall out of your good graces."

The mood having shifted toward a more comfortable familiarity, she suddenly turned to him full on and offered him a very small, sweet smile. She put out her hand to him. "Hi, I'm Buffy Summers. I'm glad to meet you."

Giles froze in confusion for the briefest moment, then realized her meaning and took her hand. "Hello Buffy. My name is Rupert Giles and I am very glad to meet you as well."

They shook and let go hands, turning back around so that they were shoulder to shoulder, facing the house once again. A few moments of companionable silence floated by, and then it occurred to Buffy that she needed to speak with Spike pretty quickly.

"I guess I'd better go back inside and calm Spike down, huh?"

Giles frowned. No, she couldn't do that because ... Oh dear. "Well, uh, I'm afraid that William left."

"Left? Left where?" Buffy frowned.

"I really don't know. He marched out of the house after you. Actually, I was surprised to see you sitting out here alone. I would have thought William would be with you." He glanced vaguely around the yard, and then squinted to see what could be viewed through the windows of the house, but there was no sign of him.

Buffy sighed. He'd gone after her. And she was still here. Which meant he wasn't going to find her ... "Does he have his cell phone do you think?"

"Perhaps --"

"Giles!!" called a familiar voice, booming from inside the house.

"Ah, there he is." Annoyed, Giles shook his head. Always a ruckus with that boy, never any patience at all, never anything by halves.

Spike burst out onto the patio calling for Giles at the top of his lungs, demanding his uncle's attention. "She's gone!" He stormed in accusation. "You've run her off and I can't find her anywhere! If anything happens to her --"

Giles stood and offered his hand to Buffy to help her up as well. "We're right here, William. No need to shout."

Spike stood stock still on the patio with his hands on his hips and his head tilted just **so**, looking for all the world like the old Victrola dog in those old turn-of-the-century ads. Quickly she tamped down her merriment before he noticed and took umbrage. He had been worried about her and she didn't want to offend him by pointing out how cute he was. The poor boy was obviously very upset and she suspected laughing at him would not go over well right at the moment.

"Bloody hell," he swore quietly. "I've been drivin', lookin' ... Well, thank God you're okay, then." With a few long strides he was there and pulling her tightly into his arms. "Thank God."

He brought his hands up and plunged his fingers into her hair on either side of her head and bent down to look her in the eyes, searching for the truth of whether she were indeed 'okay'. She smiled at him and nodded her own reassurances, and he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace once again.

Giles smiled down upon the two teenagers. "I'll just let your Aunt Jenny know that dinner is on again. Come in when you're ready." He patted William on the shoulder as he passed him and quietly went back into the house, leaving them some privacy.

Truth be told, he still had serious misgivings about their relationship. Although she seemed to be a nice enough girl, she had problems and responsibilities that no sixteen year old should be asked to carry. And if he remained by her side they would become William's problems also. William was too young to tie himself down in this way, with a ready made family and all that it meant. He should be free, dating and going out with his friends and having a good time when the occasion arose. Free to experiment, to try on different things before he settled down. And there was university to consider.

If William threw his lot in with Buffy, a great deal of that freedom to be a teenager would be pushed aside in favor of grimmer adult responsibilities. It simply was unfair that his youth be cut short because he happened to have fallen for a girl with a multitude of adult problems. He knew that William had no idea what he was getting himself into with this girl, had no conception of it really. He didn't even have younger brothers and sisters upon which to base any expectations. Giles thought that his nephew was up for a rude awakening at some point in the not too distant future.

Well, time would tell. If this relationship was anything like the last score he'd had, she would be out of his life within a few months at the outside. He just hoped that when the dust settled, William wouldn't end up too terribly hurt by it all. 

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I hereby declare Wednesday over. I hate hate hate this Wednesday and I don't want anything to ever happen on a Wednesday again for the entire rest of this story. stamps foot petulantly

I do hope that you liked this day that would not end, and if you would be so kind, please leave a review. It helps like you would not believe when I hear from you guys. Added bonus -- it keeps me off the streets. :-)

Thanks.

Sara


	17. Chapter 56

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: I am using a TV show in this chapter that had only had three episodes air by the end of December. I need a marathon. I hereby declare, using artistic license, that an entire season and a half aired by the end of December. I need them, therefore they are. The second thing is that I'm sorry this chapter took so long to post, but it has a lot of new people in it and a new setting, and it's taken some time to get them and it just right. We are well on our way to the real 'high school' portion of our story.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Fifty-Six**  
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_**In With The New, Part One**_

"You see that guy? He thinks he's gonna win this challenge because he got the weird idea somehow that people will think **lederhosen** is sexy. For women's lingerie!"

The baby laughed and banged a toy against Buffy's leg.

"I **know**!Ridiculous!" she exclaimed to the baby. "Oh. My. God. He's got them putting deer makeup and antlers on one of his models. Between you and me, I really don't **want** to attract any guy who'd think **that** was sexy. You know?"

The baby laughed again and turned in her arms, trying to put the toy into Buffy's mouth. Buffy deflected the toy and giggled. "Boys are so silly. Lederhosen and **antlers**." 

It was New Year's Eve and for the second year in a row Buffy was homebound with a baby instead of partying with her friends. With her new **boyfriend**. Sometimes life was so unfair.

She was alone in the house tonight, sitting in the family room eating ice cream and babysitting for a couple who were friends of the Smiths. The baby boy was good tempered and easy to take care of but she was bitter. She wanted to go to the party with Spike, not sit home babysitting someone else's kid. But Rosemary said that her friends' babysitter got 'sick' at the last minute and so she had 'volunteered' Buffy as a fill-in for them so they wouldn't miss going out this evening. Buffy had tried to talk her way out of it but it was no use. Rosemary had kept that big smile on her face during the entire conversation and never budged for an instant. So, Buffy was babysitting on New Year's Eve. She wasn't allowed to take care of her own daughter, but she could babysit other people's kids just fine. There simply was no justice in this world. 

She thought back to last year spending the night caring for Katie and watching porn on stolen cable. That had been such fun. This year she had found a TV marathon of _Project Runway_ that looked interesting, and had spent the last several hours watching and cheerfully narrating the action for baby Jordan.

As soon as Rosemary informed her that her party plans had been derailed, Buffy had called Spike and told him that their date was off. She hated doing that to him, especially last minute like that, but she had no option. At first he had asked if he could come over and help with the babysitting, but she had been given specific orders to have no friends over and had to nix that idea. After a lot of back and forth, she finally convinced him to go to the party without her. Spike then swore to her that he would not take anyone else to the party in her place, that he was going dateless and would be there to visit with friends and that was all. He told her that he would miss her terribly this evening, but it was just one night, one party, and there would be many others in their future. As Buffy said goodbye and laid the phone down, she really hoped that was true.

Sitting on the sofa with Jordan tonight, she let her thoughts drift to the party and the fact that Spike was there at that very minute, laughing and talking and dancing with God knew whom. She was extremely jealous over him, but thought it wiser not to appear too possessive right away, at least not uber-possessive anyway, for fear she might lose him over it. Her opinion was that guys tended to run away from clingy-needy girls, and she didn't want to appear to be one of those. And she didn't want to come off as insecure, even if it was true. It was hard, though. Frankly, she'd had more than one dream about doing serious damage to Harmony.

_**God. **__Why did he have to sleep with her, of all people? Stupid Harmony.  
_  
Their relationship was so new, she just didn't know how far to trust him yet, or which girls might prove a problem in a situation such as this party tonight. She believed him when he told her that she was the only one for him and that he didn't want anyone else, but still she was very nervous. He had a reputation for sleeping around, and it was exactly nights like tonight that she thought would prove the most tempting to him. She prayed that he would remain loyal to her, that he wouldn't be tempted by some other girl tonight. Some other girl in a beautiful dress and perfect makeup who actually managed to show up at the party tonight. Unlike Buffy, who was stuck at home wearing old sweats and had baby food dried into her hair and t-shirt. And smelled, she noticed with dismay. Ick. Who could be attracted to this?

This was her real life now, though. Tonight it was babysitting for strangers, but hopefully soon it would be for real, with Katie. Every day, every night, there would be Katie. She would probably get stuck at home lots of times when other kids were going to parties and the beach and other fun stuff. With another girl, he'd be free to do anything he wanted whenever he wanted. She wouldn't have that freedom, and if he stuck by her then neither would he. But Katie was her primary responsibility and she'd have to choose her first over Spike. And how would Spike feel about that?

And what if, when he did come over to see her, she had food in her hair and on her clothes and there was that lovely eau-de-diaper scent wafting about her? What would he think then? How sexy would that be? Compared to the icky image of herself she was creating in her head right now, the lederhosen lingerie seemed sexy. Down that path lay a world of bad. Down that path lay Angie. Angie didn't become Angie overnight. It probably crept up on her, unawares, until one day she was the lady in the weird red housecoat. Buffy shivered.

She straightened her shoulders as she made her decision. She placed baby Jordan in his carrier and hoisted him up.

"Come on, Jordan. We're gonna get cleaned up and wear something clean and pretty even if we are home alone tonight. Cuz that's a slippery slope right there, and I don't think Spike would appreciate it if he came over to hang out with me and discovered his girlfriend was actually a disgusting middle-aged housewife covered in dried baby food and weird smells." Buffy chattered happily to Jordan as they ascended the stairs. She was going to clean herself up and put on something casual but pretty.

She made a firm decision that she was not going to be slovenly-girl no matter what she was doing. She had a boy to keep. Those skanky girls with the clothes and manicures and the freedom were not going to outshine her, not even on her bad days. 

"Right?"

Jordan laughed and shook his fists in her face joyfully as they climbed the stairs.

Right. 

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Essentially, Sunnydale was a small town and although it was on the central coast of California it still operated like any other small town in America. People were close in ways that were comforting and reassuring, but at the same time claustrophobic and aggravating. There was very little anonymity in Sunnydale. Among the families and their high school students pretty much everyone knew everything about everyone else. Secrets were difficult to keep and everyone operated under the assumption that whatever they did would be common knowledge within a few days at the outside.

The social groupings among the high school students were well-defined as most of the kids had grown up together since kindergarten and some of the groups and cliques had been well-established since elementary school days. Kids who arrived later from other parts of the state or country or world found themselves fitting into whichever established group and clique suited them best and was willing to accept them.

Although there were many different groups of students at Sunnydale High there were three in particular whose members had close interrelationships well-defined since elementary school days. Friends whose interests changed over time or whose friendships had broken beyond repair, friends once close who no longer moved in the same circles -- they would always be connected to each other in a way that no one else in their lives ever would be. Whether they were close through love or through enmity, they would always be a significant part of each others lives.

The first of these were the very 'popular' kids, including the jocks and cheerleaders, whose acknowledged 'leaders' were Angel Donovan and Cordelia Chase. Second were the artists and activists whose 'leader' was Scott Hope. And third were the musicians and their friends whose 'leader', if you could loosely call him that, was Devon MacLeish. Most of these particular students had started out as friends in elementary school, then as the years went on gradually separated into their various cliques whose members bumped up against each other continually, with some crossing of lines between the three groups. 

It was these three groups of people who partied together on this New Year's Eve. A party which would have ramifications long past this one last night of 2004...

_Devon's Party_

The music could be heard from a block away, but since the house was located at the end of a long street overlooking the ocean cliffs there were no neighbors to really complain. Besides, it was New Year's Eve. Loudness was not only expected, it was **required**.

Devon was the host tonight, his parents having taken a holiday to Mexico for their New Year's celebration. They wouldn't be back until Sunday, and Devon planned to make the most of his time without them.

His house was located on a street not terribly distant from the one on which Buffy now lived, although on a higher hill with a more panoramic view of the town and the ocean beyond. The house was large enough to be considered a mansion, complete with an enormous swimming pool and adjoining jacuzzi and poolhouse in a huge back yard which overlooked the cliffs and the ocean beyond. Everything about the house was on a massive scale, and the furnishings were likewise magnificent. Devon clearly came from a family of some wealth.

The status of Devon's family went a long way toward explaining how someone such as Cordelia Chase wound up dating the young musician-singer. They had started dating during the summer, and at first the pairing was a shock to everyone. When people first saw Devon and Cordelia together there was a 'how-did-this-happen' kind of awkwardness. But almost immediately the fact of Devon's family's wealth was recalled and there was an almost audible 'aha!' moment. All was once again right in the world. Of **course. **Devon and Cordelia. It also didn't hurt that he really was handsome and from what Cordelia had let slip was skilled in other areas less obvious to the casual observer.

Cordelia herself was from a rather wealthy home, and even though she was still a junior, she was head varsity cheerleader and the social queen bee of Sunnydale High School. She was beautiful, dressed impeccably, and ruled the school with an iron will. Where Cordelia was concerned, confidence had morphed into an arrogant sense of entitlement that caused many of the other 'lesser' students quake in her presence. A nod from Cordelia Chase could make you or break you socially and she had no conscience whatsoever about wielding her power. She and a handful of other junior and senior popular kids, jocks, and cheerleaders ruled the school and most people never questioned their primacy.

The result of this odd pairing between Devon and Cordelia was a string of parties and casual gatherings that consisted of a combination of these three groups of people whose lives were suddenly brought together as though they were once again back in elementary school days. Although the members of the three social circles still eyed each other a little warily, out of respect for Devon and Cordelia there had been no unpleasantness so far.

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Drusilla Weston had corralled her boyfriend, Angel Donovan, onto a lounge chair in a corner of the patio, and was currently sitting on his lap kissing him deeply, and permitting his hands to roam discreetly wherever he wished. Angel and Drusilla were still together, although he always seemed to be looking past her at other girls, sizing them up for possible seduction later. He was captain of the varsity football team, handsome, intelligent, and from a prestigious Sunnydale family. Angel was considered by most to be a good 'catch', and there were always girls interested in replacing Drusilla as Angel's girlfriend. Indeed, there were quite a few people in that crowd who felt that Drusilla was an interloper and had no business with Angel in the first place. Dru had no use or patience for jocks or the girls who cheered their teams to victory. She looked down upon them, offering an icy bemused smirk to any in that group who caught her attention either purposely or by accident. She guarded her place by Angel's side vigilantly, and God help any girl who tried to get in her way.

Drusilla was not stupid. She knew her boyfriend had a wandering eye that she hadn't yet managed to tame, but she was determined to keep him by any means necessary. If he tried to escape her orbit she would make him very sorry for his trouble. The thought made her smile against his lips, and when he quirked a brow in question, she simply shook her head as her hand moved downwards to distract him. It worked. Her Angel was always so easy to distract. 

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Larry Blaisdell was on the football team with Angel. He'd come alone to the party, and spent most of his time imbibing liquid courage in the kitchen and talking up some of the younger girls who had come unescorted. Quite a few of the girls showed interest in him but he never seemed to pick up their go signals, and he was ultimately left standing alone again, no girls in sight.

He wound up on the patio, watching the foursome in the jacuzzi become more intoxicated and sexually freer with each other than he'd ever seen anyone behave in public. It was a real turn on for him and he longed to jump in and join them but since they were couples, he knew he would not be welcome there. Instead, he grabbed another beer and settled down in a lounge chair to admire the show. 

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Angel's ex, Darla Bennington, had been devastated by her sudden dumping in favor of Drusilla last Spring. She was on the cheerleading squad and her life tended to be played out in front of the entire school. She had found it excruciating to endure the pitying glances of both friends and strangers when Angel had ditched her to take up with that horrible girl Drusilla. She laid low for months after the break-up, keeping under the radar for most of the summer, hoping to avoid both friends and enemies and the endless speculation about 'how she was doing now'. She also had no desire to watch Drusilla and Angel make out wherever she turned. She hated being seen as a 'victim' and pitying glances made her blood boil with rage.

When school started again everyone was thunderstruck when Darla popped up suddenly with a new boyfriend, and she once again became the subject of a great deal of school chatter and speculation. This time she didn't mind. Darla loved attention as long as she wasn't labeled a 'victim'. She was determined to prove to everyone that she was the author of her life.

Darla's new man was another Sunnydale High junior, Thaddeus Penn. He was very handsome and quite charming and was a member of the artist/activist crowd that hung with Scott Hope. Penn was an artist; an individualist who also dabbled in mysticism and enlightenment through chemistry. Fond of experimenting with various mind expanding preparations and hallucinogens, he spent a lot of his free time working on his art projects and just embracing fun wherever and whenever he could find it. Darla now lived in that world right by his side, interested more in the chemicals and the sex than in the art and the activist causes her boyfriend championed. She was a hedonist, not a philosopher. She wasn't well-liked by his friends, but she made herself a force to be reckoned with and Penn's friends stayed out of her way as much as possible and just hoped that he would one day wise up and kick her to the curb. They didn't think she fit in with them. But rather than dump her, over time Penn seemed to become even more enamored of the sexy little blonde with the gorgeous smile. To his friends dismay he had recently proclaimed her to be his muse. It looked like Darla would be around for awhile.

Penn was at this very moment sitting in the jacuzzi with his girlfriend, drinking champagne and becoming more uninhibited by the minute. Eventually they moved to the farther side of the jacuzzi and began making out with cheerful and inappropriate abandon. Darla never could hold her liquor, and Penn had no qualms about pushing social boundaries, whether to shock traditional sensibilities or to feed his own hungers or both. He apologized to no one and lived as he chose to do. If anyone had a problem with it they could keep it to themselves.

As for Darla, she knew how her actions tonight would play out in the following days. Her cheerleader friends would cluck that she no longer had any shame at all, and Darla would then just laugh and agree wholeheartedly. Like Penn, she was beyond caring any longer what people thought of her. As long as Penn kept her busy and happy by whatever means possible, she was content to let the rest of the world go on their way to hell if they chose. And she'd be damned if she'd show weakness to any of her former so-called friends. She was happy, and ultimately that was all that mattered to her any more. 

xxxxx

Percy West and Aura Patterson were a couple now, and tonight they decided to join Darla and Penn in the jacuzzi. Percy was a star player on the basketball squad, and Aura was a varsity cheerleader. Both had been friends with Darla for years and still considered her to be a good friend in spite of her break with their clique. And although she would never admit it to anyone, Aura had had a crush on Penn since seventh grade.

When the other couple sat down in the jacuzzi with them, Penn cheerfully suggested that the foursome join together in some make-out games. Percy and Aura were just drunk enough to think it a splendid idea. Although there was no location in the jacuzzi that was completely blocked from all view, the foursome kept themselves situated on the farthest side, near the pool house, and were protected by a bushy overhang where most of the partygoers would not be able to see them easily. It wasn't long before naughty hands and lips were quite busy. Aura thought briefly that this might prove to be a huge mistake in the harsh light of day, but was quickly distracted by Percy's wandering hands and let herself go with the moment. Darla had recently been talking a lot about the importance of spontaneity, and Aura decided that for once she was going to do what felt good in the moment and let tomorrow take care of itself.

From her position on Angel's lap Drusilla was one of the few partygoers who actually had a perfect view of the activities in the jacuzzi. She knew that if she were a good friend she would try to intervene and convince Darla and Aura that these jacuzzi hijinks were not a good idea at all. She did not consider herself a friend, however, so instead of trying to warn them she just smirked at the goings on.

_One can never have enough embarrassing dirt on one's friends and enemies, _she smiled to herself.

Sometimes material just presents itself, and Dru could hardly wait to spread this story round when school started again on Monday. This was just the way she liked her gossip. Delicious. Scandalous.

xxxxx

Harmony had come to the party with a date. His name was Kirk and he was an 'older guy' who had been out of high school for a couple of years now and worked in his father's auto parts store. Kirk had agreed to escort Harmony to the party as a way of wrangling an invitation to the private celebration. He felt that Harmony was pretty in her way, but considered her to be unbearable company for the most part; however, since Kirk wanted to attend this party, he finagled a date with her. Once they had made the entrance Harmony craved, he shook her off and went in search of beer and to try to score one or more of the teenage girls at the party. He was a sleaze, but he was a young and handsome sleaze, and he always managed to find a young girl naive enough to fall for his lines.

Harmony complained briefly upon finding herself abandoned by her date, but recovered quickly and went in search of her own prey. She decided that she was going to kiss **someone** at midnight, so she had better start figuring out who it was going to be. She moved from group to group, flirting, trying to cull single boys loose from their herds in hopes of snagging just the right one for the evening. So far, she was not having much success, and it was getting late. She pouted and flounced out to the kitchen for another beer when she spotted someone who had just come in and appeared to be without a date. She grinned excitedly. He would be **perfect**. 

xxxxx

Riley Finn, a junior and varsity football player, was currently dating April, a sophomore on the varsity cheer squad. Riley lived in Iowa until his parents moved during his eighth grade year, and he had been raised in a conservative religious home. He found most of the girls in Sunnydale a little fast for him so when April moved to town at the beginning of the school year he felt immediately that he had finally found the right girl for him.

April was cheerful and chirpy to a point that the other girls sometimes just wanted to smack her, but she was otherwise fun to have around and Riley was happy to be with her at the party tonight. April too was from a conservative religious home and was determined to remain a 'good girl' before marriage. She guarded her virginity with vigilance, which meant that she and Riley had not yet consummated their relationship and there would be no public displays of affection beyond kissing. The other jocks teased Riley about this, but frankly he was glad enough to wait for her. He was more attracted to her as a result of her decision to remain 'pure' than if she had succumbed to his admittedly constant pushing of boundaries. It was a double standard, he knew this, but as the man he felt it was his place to push for intimacies that April was not willing to grant, and that he really didn't want her to agree to. If pushed to explain his reasoning he could not really defend it, but nevertheless he still respected her for saying no to him. He was very old-fashioned, and felt that the chase was the best part of the game.

Tonight they mostly danced and did some very light drinking and laughing with friends. All the girls thought they were very cute together, and most of the boys just shook their heads in disbelief. Popular opinion was that any girl who was that determinedly cheerful and never stopped talking for a minute straight should at least be good in bed. So if not that, then what was the attraction? Riley's choice of girlfriends had them all stumped. Riley, however, was content with his choice.

Riley's best friends, also football players, were Graham Miller and Forrest Gates. Graham had recently begun dating Chelsea and they had come to the party together. They spent most of the evening either dancing or talking with Riley and April. The group of friends had been sitting out by the pool until they noticed that the jacuzzi four had started their sex games. April blushed and chattered nonstop in disbelief at the activities in the jacuzzi, so they moved inside to join the tamer partygoers in the family room area. The sight in the jacuzzi had apparently scarred April for life because for the rest of the night, apropos of nothing, she would suddenly flush and issue a high-pitched 'can you believe they did that?' squeak at odd conversational moments. The others would just laugh and change the subject.

Forrest had come to the party solo and was making it his mission to chat up and dance with as many pretty girls as possible before midnight. His primary goal was to have someone to not only kiss at midnight but to continue the party privately later. He was handsome and charming and had a reputation as a 'ladies man' but was a considerate 'ladies man' so girls were willing to give him a chance and he knew he wouldn't have any trouble finding a girl for some late night games later. He never went home alone and disappointed unless he chose to remain solo, and he was determined that tonight would be no exception.

xxxxxx

Willow, Oz, and Xander had come to the party together. Willow and Xander didn't really have anything in common with most of the partygoers so they hung out with Oz in the kitchen/family room area talking and drinking together for the first part of the evening. After a while Willow and Oz decided to dance and Xander found himself alone and feeling very much like a third wheel.

He decided to do something about it for a change, and started checking out the girls who had come without dates to see if anyone looked promising. As he glanced around him, he was shocked to see another guest looking him up and down with obvious interest. He didn't remember ever seeing her before, but she was pretty and smiling and staring at him and he thanked his lucky stars that for once there might possibly be a girl for him.

She was medium height, slim, with wavy shoulder-length brown hair. She wore a tight-fitting red dress that showed off all her curves and he thought she was beautiful. And best of all, she was smiling at him in a very forthright and interested manner. Just to be sure it was him she was interested in, he took a quick gander about him to see if there was someone else she could possibly be staring at, but there was no one near him at the moment. Clearly, she was smiling at him. As he contemplated various scenarios for introducing himself without coming off as a complete nitwit, the pretty girl walked over and stood before him with a big smile. He had never been much of a girl magnet, and found himself suddenly speechless. He had no idea how this particular scene was supposed to play out. Thankfully, the girl seemed to have no problem with taking the lead.

Xander thought that this was a sign that the new year was going to be a good one for him.

xxxxx

By the time Spike arrived the party was in full swing. He parked down the street and let himself in, wandering among the groups of revelers and nodding to people he knew well. He grabbed a beer on his way to the kitchen, taking note of who had shown and who was dancing with whom. Suddenly he felt a pull on his arm, and turned around to find Harmony draping herself against him with a wide grin.

"Harm?" he nodded at her as he attempted to break out of her grasp.

"Spikey! You're here!" she batted her eyelashes at him and pulled him in the direction of the dance floor. "Dance with me!"

Spike sighed and carefully disengaged his arm from her grasp. "Harm, I just got here. Gonna go see what's up with my friends, yeah? Give a bloke a minute to get the lay of the land, okay?"

"Okay," Harmony pouted and nodded her agreement. "Where's your little **'friend'**?"

"'Little friend'?"

"Yeah. Muffy or Fluffy or something. Did you bring her?" Harmony was in full little girl mode, and swayed back and forth and pouted prettily for him.

"Came alone tonight, Harm. But if you're askin' if I'm taken, then yeah, I am. I'm not lookin' for a girlfriend. Not for tonight or for after. I have a girl. **Buffy**." He turned to continue walking to the kitchen, leaving Harmony sulking in his wake.

"Girlfriend. **Right**," she mumbled as she glared at his retreating back. "We'll see how long **that** lasts." She turned back to the dance floor, where she noticed that Kirk was suddenly alone. She stalked off in his direction, hoping to snag her date back for a few dances at least. The problem of Spike's new little friend would have to wait for a bit while she got her groove on.

"Kirk, baby, there you are!" she bubbled happily as she set out in his direction.

xxxxx

"You, my friend, have been sitting in this corner drinking for f-far too long tonight," Willow pronounced as she plopped down next to Spike upon a double lounge out on the patio. "Whassup? Why're you all lone and not with the dancing and joking and party-ing?" She paused and hiccupped. "Oops!" she giggled. "Sorry."

Spike shook his head and smiled as his very drunken friend climbed up on the double lounge chair with him, laid her head upon his shoulder and hiccupped several more times. He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her affectionately. "S'okay, luv."

Lightweight didn't even begin to cover it. Willow couldn't drink to save her life, and even half a beer went straight to her head. There was no telling what might happen to her were she left unattended, and the friends had decided long ago that at least one person would be on Willow-watch whenever alcohol was served. Spike looked around in surprise. He saw no evidence that anyone else was currently watching out for her, so he settled in to the role with dutiful affection. He really liked Willow, and would do anything it took to ensure her safety, even if it meant staying by her side as she curled up against him on the lounge tonight. He hoped that Oz would discover that he'd lost track of his girl and take over before too much time had passed. He didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about him and Willow, and he was thirsty for another beer. Looking around again for Oz, he stared in amazement toward the far side of the pool.

_What the bloody hell're they doin' in the jacuzzi?!  
_


	18. Chapter 57

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: Sorry for the late posting, but I wrote the chapter I wanted to write, really really liked it, and it was just wrong. And I was so stubborn about wanting to keep it wrong that I struggled over posting or not for a month and a half, then gave in and re-wrote it. And now it's right. Hope you like it, and that it was worth the wait.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Fifty-Seven**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**In With The New, Part Two**_

Buffy was feeling much better about herself now that she was cleaned up and changed into clean black sweat pants, red baby t-shirt and matching red Santa socks. Baby Jordan was down for the night, all snug and warm in his little portable playpen in the darkened living room, and she had settled down for the evening in the family room to snack on chips and watch the rest of the _Project Runway_ marathon. It certainly wasn't an exciting New Year's Eve this year, but it was quiet and comfortable and completely lacking in drama. She had hoped to spend the holiday with Spike, but there was also something to be said for a nice relaxing evening at home.

A couple of hours had passed when Buffy heard what sounded like an intruder in the front of the house. The Smiths always entered through the garage, and anyway no one was expected home at such an early hour. Alarmed that someone had broken into the house, she stealthily crept to the living room to ascertain the baby's safety. When she reached the doorway she saw the silhouette of a strange man peering into the playpen, his face hidden by the hood of his jacket. She didn't recognize him as anyone she had ever seen before. Flight was impossible as that would leave baby Jordan alone with the intruder. Quickly deciding that a surprise offense was her best defense, Buffy looked around her for a suitable weapon.

She grabbed a club from the golf bag standing in a corner of the family room and crept stealthily into the living room poised to make the first strike to protect them both. As plans went it was far from perfect, but nothing else came to mind immediately so she went with it. Just as she raised the club to deliver a stunning blow, the intruder turned in her direction and cried out in alarm. Buffy pulled back just in time to avoid braining the startled man.

The pair stood stock still, staring at each other breathlessly in an absurd tableau.

"Happy New Year to you too, Buffy."

Buffy dropped the club and hugged herself as she dared to breathe once more. Startled relief quickly turned to anger. She had almost brained the idiot because he didn't have the sense to announce himself when entering someone else's home in the night, like any normal person would.

"Are you nuts!?" she hissed. "I thought you were a burglar, or a child molester, or ... or ... something equally bad and ... and ... creepy. Why would you sneak into someone's house like that, all with the hoodie and the stealthiness and God! I could have **hurt **you!" The baby began stirring at the noise, so she grabbed the man's arm and pulled him back to the family room to continue her rant. "Could you **be** any stupider!?"

Ben had the sense to look ashamed in the face of Buffy's chastisement, and ran his hand through his hair while nodding agreement with her assessment of the situation. "You're right, you're right. It was not my best moment, okay? I absolutely apologize for scaring you like that. I guess I just wasn't thinking." He gave her his best bashful smile, and hoped that his charm worked to get him out of the dog house on this one.

"Well. All right then ... I'll forgive you ... **This** time." Buffy glared as she walked back to the sofa and settled herself again. "Why are you **here **tonight? I thought you were working or something."

"It was a double shift and they let me go early, and I didn't want to go home to an empty apartment on New Years," he explained as he headed for the refrigerator to get a beer. . "Actually, I had hoped to hook up with a beautiful woman at some point tonight. I just didn't know she'd turn out to be so fierce and commanding." He paused to open the bottle and, pasting on his most charming smile, added, "You know, you're very sexy when you're threatening to hurt someone. I've gotta admit, I kinda like it."

Buffy didn't know how to respond to that, so she decided to ignore him and began watching the TV again. Ben watched her for a moment, sizing up the situation and considering his next move.

"So, you're alone tonight too?" Ben plopped down on the sofa next to the spot where Buffy had settled.

"Well, there **is **the baby. But yeah, I guess I'm alone." She moved over to give him more room. She was annoyed to see him reach forward to snag a chip and then settle back down closer to her again.

"I guess it's a good thing I came along then. It isn't right for a beautiful girl to be alone on New Year's Eve." He gave her a pleasant smile and settled his arm along the back of the sofa, not quite touching her shoulders.

Buffy was very uncomfortable being alone with Ben but didn't know what to do about it. She couldn't go to her room when the baby was downstairs in the living room and she couldn't really move Jordan to her room either. When Ben put his arm behind her she wanted to move over again but was dismayed to see that she had gone as far to the right as she could.

She considered her current situation and, believing that Ben really posed no actual threat here in his sister's house, she reluctantly decided to make the best of it and just prayed that the Smiths and their friends would come home as soon as possible after midnight so she could go up to her room and put more distance between them. Unless and until he made an actual move on her -- beyond the cheesy compliments and innuendo and close-sitting -- she didn't think she would benefit from upping the stakes and calling him out on his behavior toward her. Not yet, anyway. She didn't want to tip the boat, as it were, and still felt that she had enough control of the situation as it stood now. Making her foster placement work in spite of the crazy around her was still very important to her. She was trying very hard to think long term.

"Is that woman wearing a dress made out of leaves?" 

But that didn't mean she had to encourage any further conversation tonight. Buffy ignored the question and munched on a chip.

They had been watching the show in silence for about five minutes when Ben suddenly rose and clapped his hands together. "You know what this needs?"

Buffy cocked an eyebrow in question.

"Liquor."

"Liquor? You have a beer already."

"Yeah, but no. I'm talking about a drinking game. We need a good drinking game to make it interesting."

_Perfect, _Buffy rolled her eyes. _Get me drunk, is that it? __**So**__ obvious.  
_  
"It's already interesting ... and I'm not old enough to drink," she remarked dismissively and turned her attention back to the TV.

"Pfft. No one's gonna worry about your age tonight." Ben waved off her concerns as he headed for the bar for a bottle and two shot glasses. "Live a little."

"The baby..."

"Is fine, fast asleep and safe as can be. Come on, Buffy. Play with me." Sitting next to her again, he poured two shots and set the bottle on the coffee table.

Buffy sighed, annoyed by his persistence. "No."

"Come on. Please?" He gave her his best puppy dog eyes.

She looked pointedly at him. "**No**" 

Ben sighed and nodded. "Okay then." He downed one of the shots. Not willing to admit total defeat yet tonight, he reassessed his plan for seduction. She was proving to be a tough nut to crack, but eventually he was certain she would cave to his charms. It was just a matter of time and timing. He relaxed back into the sofa again. "Well, pass those chips over wouldja?"

Buffy handed him the bowl, and steeled herself for an uncomfortable few hours until the Smiths came home. This evening could not end soon enough.

_Devon's House_

Spike passed Willow off to Oz' care out on the patio, and decided it was about time for another beer. He bypassed the keg, preferring the bottles of Guinness in the ice chests, and having snagged a bottle he leaned against the kitchen counter and drank while watching his fellow partiers for a few minutes. Xander seemed like he was having a great time with some new bird over in the corner, although he did look like he'd been thrown in the deep end with that one. She was constantly touching him, making what appeared to be dirty jokes and bawdy comments if Xander's blush and nervous laughter was any sign. If they got on, the boy was going to have his hands full in Spike's opinion. He was glad for his friend. It was about time he found himself a girl. He just hoped that Xander could handle her.

"Hi." A soft voice came from his left side as she filled a cup from the keg.

Spike moved over a bit to give her some room and greeted her with a smile. "Hello, pet. How are you?" She was with Graham now, he'd noticed. Graham was a good sort, and Spike was glad for her.

Chelsea gave him a shy smile, and leaned against the counter next to him. "Things're good. How're you?"

"Good." 

Well, this was kind of awkward, but the girl seemed to have gotten over her anger and was smiling, so he took that as a good sign. He'd hated how things had ended up with them; that conversation in the parking lot had been his last with her. In his own mind, he would always be connected to Chelsea over that, no matter how old they got, no matter how far away from each other their lives became. Now that he'd some insight into Buffy's situation, he felt the gravity and responsibility even more deeply. He wasn't interested in Chelsea as a girlfriend at all, but he cared very much about what happened to her from now on. He was a long way from the guy who couldn't even remember her name when she came to tell him her news. He didn't think he could ever be that guy again.

They made light conversation for a bit, and then Graham came and led her away for a slow dance. Spike noticed Graham's pointed possessiveness toward the girl, and the civil but tense attitude he took toward Spike when he whisked Chelsea away from him. He didn't know whether it was Spike's reputation, Spike's having recently dated Chelsea, or if Chelsea had told Graham about their 'problem' a couple months back, but he got the definite impression that Graham didn't like him being anywhere near his girl. He really couldn't blame him, on any of those scores.

He finished up his beer and looked around again. Xander and his new bird were dancing close in the great room now, and Oz had settled with Willow outside on a patio lounge. He watched Oz and Willow for a moment; the couple were curled up together, whispering sweetly with little smiles and shared laughter and tender yet innocent caresses. Spike envied them that tonight. That's one of the things he wanted with Buffy -- that innocent sweetness, that sense of being part of a whole, the way the world could narrow down to just the two of you and no one else for a few brief hours or minutes. He'd had that with Dru once; he wanted it again, with Buffy. He checked his watch. Soon it would be midnight. He'd call her then, so that they could at least talk when the clock struck twelve even if they had to be apart tonight.

Until then, there was New Year's revelry to be done, and he'd done precious little so far. He saw a new young girl keeping to herself in the great room, watching the dancers. He had been told her name was Cassie, and that she was the only freshman on the varsity cheerleading squad. She was younger than anyone there tonight, and seemed uncertain of herself and kind of shy. Spike watched as that slimy bastard Kirk tried to strike up a conversation with her, and he didn't like it a bit. The bloke had no business at a high school party, hitting on fourteen year old girls. He decided he'd to mention to Devon the idea of barring him from future get-togethers. Meanwhile, he thought that it was time someone danced with the girl and got her away from that sleazy relic. He knew firsthand about being a guy on the make, and he also knew when a girl was in over her head. He walked over to Cassie and asked her to dance, and they left Kirk where he stood, annoyed at the interruption, and looking about for another girl to hit on.

_Buffy's House_

Although Buffy refused to participate in the drinking game, Ben went ahead on his own and was well on his way to rip-roaringly drunk by the end of the first hour. Along with his drunkenness came the 'close-sitting disguised as shifting to a more comfortable position' move, the 'quick shoulder-squeeze while laughing at TV' move, and the 'pat and lightly (albeit briefly) grip her knee' move. Each of the three moves was in and of itself performed in a hit and run type maneuver, such that it was over by the time it even registered in Buffy's head. Objecting to something that had currently already stopped was a tricky thing to do without appearing oversensitive, and Buffy wasn't sure how to handle the situation. She tried moving over a few times, but Ben invariably moved closer again, in subtle shifts that were difficult to track until they were already accomplished. The guy was good.

She decided that if he kept it up much longer she was going to confront him and the consequences be damned. He was working her last nerve, and she was very uncomfortable with him. She didn't want to create a 'scene' but decided if it came to that she'd just have to do it. He was walking right on that edge.

_Devon's House_

Midnight.

The countdown was complete and anyone who could do kissed whomever they chose, and a great cheer went up in the grand house on the cliffs. As folks wound down from the 'midnight' high, people started to wander about looking for special friends to wish them a happy new year as well, and the conversations began to drown out the music for the first time that evening.

In the great room, the girls from the squad congregated together noisily and wished each other a good new year, and imparted any new gossip they'd gleaned and not yet shared that night. Cordy and Chelsea had noticed Spike talking to someone on his cell when midnight struck, and were startled that he was spending the moment on the phone and not with some girl or other for a midnight kiss. Overcome by her curiosity, Chelsea moved closer and listened in for a moment to see if she could tell who it might be. Returning to Cordy and the others she could only report that Spike was definitely speaking in 'boyfriendly' terms and manner, but the 'who' was a complete mystery. A few possibilities were raised and dismissed as unlikely, and finally it was Cordy who decided to take a more direct approach to the puzzle. She saw a primary source walking by and snagged her by the arm and brought her into the circle of curious cheerleaders.

Willow was both stunned and a little frightened by her sudden capture. It was a particular nightmare of hers, to be suddenly surrounded by the meanest girls on the varsity cheer squad, for their apparent amusement. She sincerely believed that this could not end well for her. She was therefore surprised to hear Cordy snap at her about whoever it was Spike was talking to on his cell phone right at this very moment.

_The subject is Spike? Huh.  
_  
Ordinarily Willow would have no idea and tell them so, but this answer she knew. Buffy and Spike had decided to talk at midnight since they couldn't be together, and from where she stood she could see him laughing into the receiver and more relaxed and happy than he'd been all evening. She was happy for her friends, that they seemed to be getting on so well. She smiled when he laughed out loud and turned to face into the corner, apparently trying for better sound or perhaps more privacy. 

"Well?!" Cordy snapped. "**Who** is he talking to?"

Willow looked around at the expectant faces of the girls surrounding her, and decided it wasn't that big a deal and not really some big secret after all, and if it got her away from these girls sooner rather than later, she'd grasp that and run with it. She really needed to be on her way to the bathroom. She'd drank way too much beer tonight.

"Um ... his girlfriend." Simple, direct, no extraneous gossip. She hoped that was enough to get her out of the circle quickly.

"Girlfriend!? What girlfriend?" Chelsea didn't really like the way Cordy was treating Willow right now, but she was truly stunned by this information. That Spike had a new girlfriend was not known to anyone as far as she knew. The fact that it bothered her she wouldn't examine too closely.

Cordy was likewise shocked. "And **who** would this be?" She didn't like being this far out of the loop. If Devon already knew this and hadn't told her she'd be furious. Knowledge was power, her father always said. It may just be high school, but it was her high school and she prided herself on knowing who was doing what to whom and what they were all wearing when they did it. Being uninformed about Spike's new girl was an affront to her place in the school grapevine, and she didn't like it. That she had to ask **Willow** of all people was especially irksome.

"Buffy Summers. She's a new girl. She's going to start in Spring semester with us." Willow decided that she'd told as much as she was going to and her bladder was really screaming at her. "Gotta go," she squeaked and made a quick getaway while the others were distracted by her news.

The girls were silent, taking in the information for a minute. Harmony joined them, cheerfully crying 'happy new year!' and breaking the silence of the group. "What's up guys?"

Cordy spoke first. "Spike has a new girlfriend. Some 'Buffy' person no one knows anything about. Apparently she's new to Sunnydale."

To everyone's surprise, Harmony just rolled her eyes and snotted, "Tell me about it."

"You knew!?" Cordy was floored. **Harmony** knew this and had said **nothing**?!

"Yeah, she's this stupid girl living with my sister as a foster kid. Totally lame." Harmony shook her head in disdain.

"Foster kid?"

"Yeah, I met her at Christmas. She's like a big **nobody**, but Spike's decided to 'date' her anyway." She gave an evil little snicker. "I mean, I think we all know where **that's** gonna end up. I mean, it's **Spike**." She left out the part where she was certain that after his dalliance with the new girl Spike would realize his mistake and beg her to take him back again. Harmony still had plans for that boy.

Cordy glanced at Chelsea, hating the way Harmony was talking right now. It was all too true, and certainly she had never been one for excess of tact, but even she knew that it could only hurt Chelsea to have 'dating Spike' dismissed so callously right now. It was too soon, and the wounds too raw. Cordy was the only one who really knew how much Chelsea had once hoped that she and Spike would work out as a couple. And Cordy was the only one that Chelsea had confided in when the worst had come to pass, and it was she who had accompanied her friend to the clinic when it was time. Chelsea was a sweet girl, and Cordy genuinely hurt for her friend.

Chelsea looked away, first toward Spike, then searched the crowd until she spotted Graham. Excusing herself, she met up with her new boyfriend and let him hold her for awhile. She wasn't going to let anything ruin her night, not Harmony's tactlessness, or the fact that Spike had clearly moved on. And she was definitely not going to worry about why she cared what Spike did anyway. She took Graham's hand and led him off for some private smoochies.

When Chelsea was gone, Cordy smacked Harmony on the arm.

"Ow! What!?" Harmony whined.

"Chelsea was standing right here, Harm. Insensitive much?"

Cordy glared at Harmony, who didn't completely understand what was wrong but assumed that the simple fact of Chelsea having dated Spike was problematic for her friend. She rubbed her arm and pouted. "Sorry."

"So this new girl, she's some loser?" Cordy got down to business.

"Totally," Harmony pronounced haughtily. "I give 'em a month. Once she spreads 'em, he'll be outta there and on to someone else. No way he's gonna stick with **her**."

Cordy nodded, and looked over to where Spike was still on the phone. He had such a contented, happy look as he spoke to the unknown girl. She'd almost say it was a loving look. Harmony was probably right, and Spike would score and move on just as he had with every girl he'd dated since Drusilla. But she had to admit that not since Dru had she ever seen him look the way he looked right now. There was a sort of peaceful, utterly content, completely happy glow about him.

Cordy headed off to find Devon again. She could hear Spike's gentle laughter fade into the background noise as she moved away to the next room. She couldn't wait to check out this new girl. Yeah, like Harmony said, it could totally be just another date-and-dump girlfriend that he was talking to tonight.

But somehow, she doubted it.

xxxxxx

The party was winding down some, and it was after one am. Spike had danced and drank and talked to his friends and was now on his own once again. He wandered out onto the patio, beyond the pool, to watch the moon as it began to sink over the ocean's horizon. He leaned on the chest-high clear panel fencing which surrounded the backyard and protected against the stiff ocean breezes that would otherwise make winter too chill for swimming and poolside parties. The fencing and the tall heating units every six feet or so fended off the worst of the night chill; that plus the hot water, the liquor, and the drugs had the partygoers in the jacuzzi feeling no cold tonight.

Their laughter grew louder, and drew his attention, and he noted that a few more people had joined the party in the jacuzzi. It wasn't unusual at all for guests to change into borrowed swimsuits in the poolhouse and use the pool or jacuzzi while at parties. It was expected. What made this group different was the extent to which they took their 'fun', and Spike had noticed that there was a clear sexual theme to the revelry in the jacuzzi tonight. Several times tonight Darla and Penn had actually had full on intercourse in the furthest corner, and Aura and Percy had stopped just short several times themselves. The others didn't take it quite that far, but there was a lot of indiscriminate groping going on in there this evening. Anyone entering the jacuzzi tonight had best know what they were doing.

Spike just shook his head. He liked a good time as much as the next guy, but this was high school not the Playboy Mansion, and kids could be brutal about this kind of thing in the clear light of day. It was too much, and too open for comfort, and if they weren't so intoxicated he thought the girls at least would remember that. He'd done a lot of stupid things while drunk, and Dru was certainly no prude either, but even he was too smart to give that much fodder to the high school gossip mongers. They were being idiots, all of them, but it wasn't his place to interfere. And the girls were with their boyfriends after all. It was all on them, and he'd stay out of it.

Well, all but one. 

_What the bleedin' hell is she doing in there!? _Spike swore as he gaped at the sight before him. Live and let live, he was all for that, but there was no way he was going to stand by and let them pull that little one into their games. She was obviously drunk and not thinking too clearly. Her bikini top was already missing and he had no idea how long they'd had her in there.

Spike strode over to the jacuzzi and grabbed up one of the large bath sheets laid out on a lounge chair.

"Cassie, luv, what're you doin'?" he squatted down and spoke gently to the girl as though she were some timid animal whose trust he was trying to gain.

Cassie looked pretty out of it and worked a moment to focus on the boy speaking to her. She didn't remember his name but he was the one who danced with her, the one who came by and got that Kirk to leave her alone. She liked this guy. He was nice. She looked up at him and grinned and slurred something Spike couldn't quite make out.

_Bloody hell she's messed up! _He worked hard to remain outwardly calm and friendly. He needed her to trust him right now and anger would not help his case. "Come on sweetheart, let's get you outta there now. It's late and it's gettin' cold, yeah?"

Cassie didn't feel cold, but she did want to get out. A couple of the guys had been groping her and although she hadn't minded at the time, she liked Spike better and wanted to go with him now. She nodded and moved to climb out.

Spike stood and wrapped her up in the towel and led her carefully to the poolhouse, glaring over his shoulder at the guys in the jacuzzi who were weakly objecting to her leaving.

From the other side of the patio, Dru and Angel watched Spike lead Cassie away. Drusilla smiled as Angel drew her back in for another kiss.

_He's saved you but who'll save you from my boy, now he's got you? _she laughed to herself and let Angel's heated kisses consume her once more.

_Silly little lamb. The wolf's got you now.  
_

xxxxxx

Once inside the poolhouse, Spike stopped and turned about, wondering what to do next. She was wet and topless and completely drunk off her ass. He wanted to get her dressed and get her home, but he was pretty drunk himself. He decided getting her dry and clothed would be a good start.

He took her into the bathroom and helped her dry off while she kept trying to hug him. He would have laughed if he hadn't been so frustrated with the entire thing. He sat her down on a bed in one of the two bedrooms and went in search of her clothes. He tried to remember what she'd been wearing and after some false starts finally found a little pile of familiar garments on the floor in the common living room. Relieved, he headed back to Cassie only to find that she'd passed out completely on the bed. She had removed the wet bikini bottom while he'd been looking for her clothes and was now completely nude. Nothing he did would get her back up, but she seemed well enough otherwise.

He sighed in resignation, and bundled her into the bed and covered her up. She made a little happy sigh and slept right through. He watched her for a minute, then went to the window overlooking the jacuzzi to see that the party was still going strong out there. He turned to look at her again, and decided he couldn't just leave her there to sleep it off, not with those guys around. There was no telling what might happen. He wasn't exactly sober himself, but he weighed his alternatives as best he could and decided to let her sleep for about an hour or so then try to wake her again. He needed some time to sober up enough to drive anyway. He'd lay there and watch TV while she slept, and then he'd convince her to get herself dressed and he'd drive her to her house. In his current drunken state, that seemed like a very reasonable plan.

And it might have worked, too, if only he hadn't fallen asleep. 

_Buffy's House  
_

Finally. Buffy plopped down on her bed at two am, relieved that this stupid New Year's Eve was done. The Smiths and their friends had come home, her babysitting was officially over, and she was tired. Just dealing with Ben had been exhausting.

Ben had made a clumsy drunken attempt to wrap his arms around Buffy and kiss her when midnight struck, but she was able to break the kiss quickly and told him in no uncertain terms that she was spoken for and he should just back off already. She really yelled at him, and he just stood there, taking it. But there was an undercurrent there, something dark that scared her a little bit, and she held her breath while she waited to see his reaction to her outcry.

Ben had just stood there staring at her. That was when the phone rang, and Buffy was never so glad to hear Spike on the other end. While she began talking to Spike, Ben continued to stare at her, and then without a word he grabbed his hoodie and left the house. Just like that. Simple. Direct. And Buffy had a sinking feeling that she had started something that was going to turn out badly for her in the end. Ben just had a look tonight, and she shivered when she thought about it. She really really was going to step up her efforts to keep away from him as much as possible, whether he was offended by it or not. And Rosemary would simply have to deal with it.

But talking to Spike had been wonderful, and there was just such a connection between them tonight that Buffy felt as though they'd been friends for years and not just for two weeks now. Everything clicked tonight, over the telephone. She made a split second decision to keep Ben's presence here tonight from Spike, as she knew he would be unhappy about it, and she didn't want to have that fight right now. Ben had left, and Spike was 'here', at least over the phone. She didn't want Ben to intrude on that, not now.

She knew she had a problem, and she knew exactly what Spike would say about it. But she needed to handle this on her own for now. Spike would only complicate things, he just could never understand where she was coming from on this. Spike thought it was simple. It was anything but, and Buffy knew this was one situation she would have to handle on her own.

She banished all thought of Ben for now, and crawled into bed accompanied only by her yummy happy thoughts of Spike. She knew, just knew, that 2005 was going to be a better year for her. It just had to be.

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Please leave a review if you can. They mean a lot to me. Thanks.

Sara


	19. Chapter 58

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Fifty-Eight**  
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_**Aftermath**_

Slowly slowly sleep fell away, withdrawing the comfort of unknowingness and permitting stark reality to assert itself once more with the agony of a hundred jackhammers pounding in her brain. Eyes squeezed closed against the light, Cassie attempted to determine where she was and what had happened to her. Her brain was quite fuzzy still, and for a moment she worried that some accident had befallen her, that she was waking up in a hospital with some dire injury. Both fear and pain kept her eyes closed yet, and tentatively she sought for answers by other means.

Listening a moment, she could hear the sound of a television droning softly somewhere nearby, and she could detect the scent of ocean air. The room was chilly, and she felt a shiver of goosebumps raise up over her upper torso. She thought hazily that this was strange, to be naked and exposed in this manner, she always wore a t-shirt to bed ...

_Naked? __**Exposed? **__  
_  
She felt around carefully beneath the part of the blanket that covered her hands and ... yes. She was quite naked underneath there, and the coverage ended sharply just about waist level ...

True panic set in and Cassie's eyes flew wide open as she fumbled to cover herself more fully. The quickness of the movement, however, caused the pain in her head to explode and she let out a sharp gasp, followed by a long low groan as she squeezed her eyes shut against the light once more. More cautious now, she slowly opened her eyes again, and gently turned her head to the right, toward the television sounds. Shocked, she inhaled sharply when she saw what lay next to her. She was not alone in the bed.

_**"Oh God!"  
**_

xxxxx

He'd been lying in that marvelous state twixt sleeping and waking for a few minutes now, and had yet to come to full consciousness. Somewhere deep inside, his mind and body knew that with wakefulness would come a righteous hangover, and he strove unconsciously to avoid facing it for as long as possible. However, for a short time now, he'd been vaguely aware of movement and low groans behind him, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to block out that awareness and plunge once again into numbing slumber.

**"**_**Oh God!**_**" **

Spike's eyes snapped open at the sharp cry beside him, and now on full-alert, he turned over to discover the source of the alarm. Deep brown eyes met icy blue, the former wide with panic, and the latter narrowed by confusion.

_What the fu--? Oh ... __**Shit**__.  
_  
Spike sought to quickly reorient himself. He was on a bed with a panicky and apparently naked fourteen year old cheerleader whom he barely knew. His head felt like it was about to explode so the hangover he'd expected was in full swing. He was fully clothed and above the covers, and later would make obeisance to any gods that would listen for that fact. A quick glance around the room told him that they were in Devon's poolhouse, which he dimly remembered from late last night -- the New Year's Party. From the slant of the still dim light he could tell it was now the crack of dawn on the following morning, and he also remembered that last night there'd been trouble in the jacuzzi. Memory came flooding back to him with that last piece of the puzzle, and he breathed easier as he recalled that he had been trying to do the right thing by this girl last night. His actions were motivated by a feeling of protectiveness rather than lust, and it was therefore going to be all right. He was going to keep telling himself that as long as it took him to believe it. It was going to be all right.

Now if he could just convince the frightened naked girl next to him that his motives were pure and that he had acted only to aid her, that nothing had happened between them last night. Judging by the alarm in her eyes that might not be any simple task.

_No good deed goes unpunished, _he remembered his father saying. _God, I hope that isn't true.  
_  
He thought he'd try for a casual-friendly attitude, see if he couldn't calm her down some, ease her fears a bit. Because she was seriously looking like she was going to pass out right there beside him. She'd been holding her breath for quite a while now, and it began to worry him. What was her name? _Cassie_ ...

"Mornin' Cassie," he rasped as he gave her a slight smile which he hoped came across as friendly, non-threatening, and not overly-familiar. He thought this was having some effect because she had finally started breathing again. That relief turned quickly to worry though as he noticed her move along right through breathing-again and into hyperventilation. Hyperventilation was not good. He needed to calm her down and get them both out of there as quickly as possible, put this whole weird night firmly into The Past. 

"Nothin' happened, pet," he reassured her gently. "See? I've got on all my clothes, my boots ..."

"Where are my clothes?" she trembled now, and it broke his heart to see her so scared. His first impulse when faced with a miserable and frightened girl was to reach out and hold her. Recognizing that to be the worst thing he could do right now, he held himself rigidly on his side of the bed and resisted all temptations to physically comfort and gentle her. It was hard.

"Right there, on the chair," he nodded to a chair in the corner, wincing with the motion. He could see tears shining in her eyes, and he continued softly, "Shh, shh -- it's okay, luv. Nothin' happened. Do you remember gettin' in the jacuzzi last night? I didn't like the looks of the guys who were playing with you in there last night, and saw you were pretty drunk and they were takin' advantage, so I got you out, and helped you dry off. I'd meant to get you to tell me your address and then take you to your home, but you passed out before you could get dressed, and I was pretty pissed myself, to be out drivin', so I laid you down in the poolhouse here, thinkin' after an hour or so we could get you up and out of here. Plan shot all to hell when I fell asleep too, but I did mean to get you home last night. Never meant you any harm, pet. Was tryin' to get you away from those tossers and to somewhere safe."

She just stared at him silently, but he was relieved to note that her breathing had slowed down to a more normal rate. Blushing, she chewed her bottom lip and looked away from where Spike had now pulled himself up to sit against the headboard. "I'm, um ... The bikini ... Did you...?" Her voice broke and she hugged the blanket more tightly around her.

"I left you in here for a minute so's I could find where you'd left your clothes, and when I came back you'd taken off the suit -- were prob'ly uncomfortable, it bein' wet and all -- and you'd passed right out. So I jus' pulled the blanket over you and checked to make sure you were breathing right and all, and let you sleep. 'Twas supposed to be for just an hour or so, but I fell asleep ..." Spike smiled softly at the miserable girl beside him. "Didn't touch you, pet. Was just tryin' to make sure those gits in the jacuzzi let you be, you bein' all out of it like you were. Was just tryin' to help you. Didn' look at you or anythin', I swear."

She looked at him hopefully. "Really?"

"God's truth." He raised a hand to signify his seriousness.

She gave a careful nod and settled back down again, groaning at the wave of pain overwhelming her head at the movement.

Spike decided that it was past time to be moving along. "I'm gonna hunt down some aspirin and water for our hangovers, and you go ahead and get dressed while I do that. I'll knock before I come back in. Then I'll drive you home, okay?"

"'kay."

He thought she sounded so very young, and he threw her another reassuring smile. Gingerly he stood and, tamping down a wave of nausea, slowly walked out of the bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him.

xxxxx

_Jeez, what a mess. _Cordy shuffled sleepily into the kitchen to get some coffee started. She had promised Devon that she'd help him clean up after the party, and she had no intention of spending her entire Saturday doing it. She wanted to get an early start and get gone. While she waited for the coffee to brew, she gathered up an armful of empty bottles and plastic cups and deposited them in a large trash can set up next to the doors to the backyard.

Looking out over the yard and pool area she saw that the fog was heavy this morning and pulled Devon's robe closer around her. Some movement from the poolhouse caught her eye, and she was surprised to see a couple emerge and walk across the yard and out the side gate to the street.

_Huh. Well, it didn't take him long to hook up with someone else. I guess that new girl's not so special after all.  
_

_Buffy's House_

Buffy felt much better when she woke up the following morning, all thoughts of Ben's behavior driven ruthlessly from her mind. She had done some thinking and decided that this was the first day of a new year and she was going to make the most of it and try to find some happiness in her life. She had high school and friends now, and Spike was just the best boyfriend she could have ever hoped for. She'd get Katie in a few months and her life would get right back on track again. Her foster family was weird, but nothing she couldn't handle as long as she kept the right attitude. She just had to keep her spirits up and leave the negativity behind her. She had nothing but good things to look forward to now.

The aroma of bacon hit her as she descended the stairs, and she was happily surprised to see that John was up and fixing a full breakfast for them this morning.

"This is different," she smiled as she took a seat at the counter and watched him plate the bacon. It looked so good she snatched one and grinned at him.

"Hey! We're splitting this fifty-fifty, and that one counts!" John laughed and moved the plate out of Buffy's reach.

"Fifty-fifty? What about Rosemary?"

"Don't worry about Rosemary. She's not coming down this morning."

Buffy reached around and snatched a second piece of bacon and laughingly stuck out her tongue at him.

"Hey! No fair!" Smiling, he reached over and smacked her hand playfully.

Buffy pulled her hand back and looked at him in mock shock, and he stuck his tongue out at her with a laugh. They continued their light banter as John scrambled the eggs and Buffy made some orange juice for them. It was fun to make breakfast with John. She wondered idly what it would be like to live with Spike someday, and make breakfast with him. Now that was a yummy idea.

John transferred the scrambled eggs to a serving dish and tossed the skillet in the sink. "Last night was a little too much for her I think, and she's come down with another one of her headaches. I don't expect she'll eat too much 'til it passes." He picked up the food and started for the table. "Get a couple plates and silverware, wouldja?"

Buffy got the items and sat down at the table with him. "I'm sorry she's not feeling well."

He just nodded, and they ate in silence for a few minutes. She decided to change the subject. "What are you doing today?"

"Well, I've got a standing New Year's date with some friends to go watch the bowl games. I'm leaving as soon as we finish up here."

Buffy nodded thoughtfully as she ate, wondering what she would do herself today. The fog had rolled in and with it chilly weather, so swimming was definitely out. She had no plans with Spike or Willow and Xander, and rather thought they might be hung over from their party last night anyway. She felt very much at loose ends and truth be told was feeling kind of lonely for family. She wondered what her family was up to today ...

"Penny for your thoughts."

"Huh?" Buffy was startled out of her reverie, and looked back at John. "Oh. I was just thinking about my family, what they might be doing today."

John rested his elbows on the table, folded his hands under his chin, and considered Buffy for a moment.

"You know, if you'd like you could call your family, talk to 'em. It's the holidays and I'd bet there's some folks back home you'd like to hear from and who'd be glad to hear from you too."

She was surprised by his offer. She had considered calling Dawn perhaps. Or her parents. Her father at least might like to hear how she was doing. "It's all the way to New York, though. That'd be expensive."

"That's not a problem. Call 'em." He paused and watched her reaction. "If you want to. No pressure or anything. It's entirely up to you."

Buffy watched as John got up and started cleaning up the breakfast dishes. She considered his offer. Could she call them? What would they say to her if she did? What would she say to them? She wasn't sure her heart could bear it right now if it turned out they weren't happy to hear from her. They hadn't asked to talk to her when Tanya had called them initially, and they told Tanya to keep her here, that she was not to come home. As for Dawn, she'd refused to even speak to her while she was pregnant and never came to see her or the baby at the end. She worried about her little sister, but really, if Dawn hated her what was the point of calling? Buffy didn't think she could handle more rejection at the moment. Her life was unsettled enough as it was, and she was trying to keep to the positive right now. Calling home was likely to sink her mood right into the toilet. No, better to leave them alone for now. Maybe later ...

"Buffy?"

She whirled around to see that John was standing by the door to the garage. "What?"

"I said I'm goin' to my friends now and to please keep things quiet for Rosemary today. If you wouldn't mind checking on her from time to time, see if she needs anything or might try eating something, I'd appreciate it."

"Sure, no problem."

John smiled and nodded and closed the door behind him.

Buffy washed up her dishes and thought again about what to do today. Studying and Rosemary-sitting seemed to be the plan. That decision made, she went back upstairs to get her books so she could study in the comfort of the family room. That was the most comfortable sofa she'd ever sat upon, and a quiet day of reading and studying surrounded by it's cushy depths sounded like a pretty good day. 

xxxxx

_"Hey! We're splitting this fifty-fifty, and that one counts!"_

"Fifty-fifty? What about Rosemary?"

"Don't worry about Rosemary. She's not coming down this morning."

"Hey! No fair!" 

She could hear them before she reached the doorway, laughing and playing as they made breakfast for the two of them. Laughing and playing ...

Rosemary stopped just short of the door to the kitchen, hiding herself in the hallway, listening to their easy banter with each other. She couldn't remember the last time John had behaved that way toward her. Years, she thought it had been. Funny how you never noticed things when they slipped gradually away from you like that. Even before her accident it hadn't been with them like that for a great while.

And now. Now that this young girl had come into their home, John suddenly was making breakfast and teasing and laughing and it just hurt her heart to hear him. That was supposed to be her in there, not Buffy. It was supposed to be her.

Glory had warned her about Buffy and John. She'd seen things when she was here, saw John go into Buffy's room sometimes when he had no business there. She didn't think anything had happened between them yet, but she thought Rosemary should keep an eye on her husband and this child-woman who'd entered their home. You had to be careful, she'd said. Make certain Buffy didn't get any ideas about replacing her as woman of the house. She had a baby. She'd be looking for a man to take care of them.

That's what Glory said anyway. Rosemary laughed it all off, told Glory that she was imagining things. John loved her, she knew that for a fact. He had no interest in some uneducated little girl who'd already gotten a brat at fifteen. Besides, Buffy had a boyfriend of her own that she seemed pretty hot on. She wasn't interested in John.

But listening to them in there this morning, Rosemary let doubt rise for a moment. Let doubt rise because John never did that for her anymore. He never laughed like that with her anymore. And it was supposed to be her in there, not Buffy.

A wave of nausea overwhelmed her for a moment, and Rosemary decided to get back to bed and try to get some relief from this damned headache that didn't seem to want to go away today. She hoped it was just a hangover and not the beginning of another of her sick headaches. She couldn't bear another sick headache so soon. She labored slowly up the stairs and back to her room, and tried to put the thought of Buffy and John out of mind for now.

Slipping under the covers once more, Rosemary drifted into sleep as she played the scene in the kitchen back over in her mind again and again. 

_It's supposed to be me in there ... it was supposed to be me ...  
_

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Spike walked slowly up the steps to his house, preparing mentally for the anticipated reaction of his uncle at his having not called or returned home last night. His head throbbed and he'd already had to pull his car over to vomit once this morning. If there was any mercy for him his uncle and aunt would still be asleep and the yelling wouldn't begin until after he had this hangover under better control. Cassie had been able to slip into her house unnoticed as far as he could tell from the street. He hoped so anyway, both for her sake and for his own should his name come up during any explanation she offered for her night out. He wanted last night to fade into distant memory, unrecalled forever. That wasn't too much to ask of life, was it?

He stooped down to pick up the newspaper on the step and glanced briefly at the headline. He froze with his hand upon the doorknob.

Two girls had gone missing since Wednesday. Their bodies had been discovered together on a hillside near Sunnydale. All signs pointed to the work of the serial killer. That made thirteen girls dead now.

_Two at a time. Bloody hell.  
_  
Spike shook his head in dismay, wincing at the resulting blossom of pain, and closed the door behind him. The house was silent, so perhaps his luck had held out.

_"__**William.**__"_ **  
**  
Perhaps not.

xxxxxx

I really appreciate all of your reviews even though I can't answer each one individually. I mean to, but then I'm just torn between writing more story or responding to reviews and there just isn't enough of me or time to do both right now, so I'm sorry. I do appreciate them all very much though, you can't imagine how they help, how wonderful they are to get. Anyway, hope you like this installment and will keep reading. Lots of stuff is coming, and most of it you won't expect. And I'm not telling. But I hope you'll stick with me through it all. I love you guys:-)

Sara


	20. Chapter 59

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: Thank you everyone for your reviews, I appreciate them very much. Some folks have said they miss the Buffy and Katie interaction and want them to be reunited quickly. I'm not giving plot away but I did want to say that there is good reason -- other than the requirements of the plot itself -- for appreciating them being separate right now. First of all, Buffy is settling into her new life, her new school, and her new boyfriend. All of that would be very difficult if she had to spend all her free time caring for Katie. Babies are 24/7 propositions and can dampen romance like nobody's business. The separation gives Spike and Buffy some quality couple time that they just would not have with the baby present. That's not why she's gone, but it does serve the situation very well and I'm taking advantage of it right now. There will be Katie and Buffy time aplenty later on, but right now this is really Buffy/Spike time. And it's only been three weeks since the arrest and there's a year and a half of high school to get through yet. So don't worry. The baby will be back and crowding up the place eventually. Thanks for your patience in following such a long story and I promise you that there's plenty of angst and fluffy happiness yet to come. Something for everybody. :-)

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Fifty-Nine**  
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_**Damage Control**_

Monday morning brought the start of school and the big news of the moment was Devon's New Year's party and the activities in the jacuzzi. The public exhibitionism and sexual activity indulged in by a few people in the jacuzzi was unheard of at a large party like that, and most thought it was quite scandalous. People talked about Darla and Penn, but really weren't terribly surprised by their flouting of convention that way. It was Aura and Percy that were the real surprise and prompted the majority of snickering condemnation. Well, condemnation of Aura anyway. Percy received mostly high-fives from his fellow jocks.

Along with that gossip came the rumors about Spike and Cassie having hooked up that night in the poolhouse. This rumor was given legs simply due to the fact that Spike had been seen wrapping a topless Cassie up in a towel and taking her from the jacuzzi to the poolhouse. There had been no witnesses to their stay in the bedroom beyond that point, so the word going around was that Cassie and Spike were possibly now connected, a one-night stand at least, or perhaps even becoming a couple. Along with that speculation came the certain knowledge that this 'couple' would not last long; people knew Spike well enough by now to expect the relationship to be brief and mostly one-sided. They'd seen this kind of thing play out many times before. 

The difference this time really was that Cassie wasn't his usual hook-up type. She was a particularly innocent freshman as far as that went, young in age and experience, and a cheerleader on top of that. Everyone knew that the new cheerleaders had all been forewarned by older members of the squad about Spike's dating patterns, especially after Chelsea had been dated and dropped so unceremoniously last year. Cassie's drunken rendezvous with Spike raised some eyebrows.

By snack period Cordelia had had it with all the gossip surrounding members of 'her' squad and decided to do something about it. Aura hadn't shown for school today so Cordy would deal with her later. She spied Darla near her locker and decided to start with her. Swooping in quickly, Cordy grabbed Darla's elbow and moved her to the side for a little one-on-one.

"Well, hello Cordy," Darla leaned against the wall and favored her old friend with a lazy smile.

"I'm sure you've heard the talk today." Cordy was all business.

"Really? I hadn't noticed," Darla smirked; she was enjoying this. 

"_Riiiiight_," Cordy gave her a chilly smile. "Look Darla. We used to be friends, and I don't like to see you sinking to these new lows."

"Well, I appreciate your friendly concern, but public opinion really doesn't interest me."

Cordy stared hard at her old friend for a beat. "Well, it's your life and you're free to live it. But when you do that thing you do, I'd appreciate it if you'd do it somewhere else. Somewhere else **not** at my party, in front of my guests, and involving members of my squad."

"I'll try to keep that in mind next time," she smiled. "All done now?"

"Yeah, we're done," Cordy was frustrated. "Look Darla, try to get some control over your inner-whore, okay? You're better than this." 

Darla just smiled without comment. Cordy turned on her heel and walked briskly away. She realized that she had no hope of convincing Darla to take it down a notch, but she'd be damned if she didn't find and rein in the newest member of her squad. 

xxxxx

There they were, like a flock of little birds, chattering away around a bench in the east hallway.

_God, was I ever that young and stupid? _Cordy rolled her eyes in annoyance.

As she approached the younger girls she could hear the gist of their excited conversation. The girls were peppering Cassie with questions about her hook-up with Spike. Cassie was insisting that they just danced the one dance, it was no big deal. But April pointed out that she saw Spike take her into the poolhouse, so what was that all about? Cassie stumbled on that point, and her audience felt justified in their suspicions when they saw the girl blush guiltily at April's question. Cordy took the cue to intervene.

She gave the girls a big smile as she took Cassie's arm. "Hi. I need to borrow her for a minute."

The girls watched as Cordy led Cassie away and into a nearby girl's restroom.

After making certain they were alone, Cordy stood before the door, folding her arms before her, and faced Cassie in her most imposing no-nonsense manner. She was pleased to note that Cassie seemed adequately intimidated. Cordy smiled.

"So, you and Spike, huh?"

"Nothing happened! It's all rumors. Really." Cassie was scared. Cordy held her social standing in her hands and if she decided to shun you then you were finished with the popular crowd. Cassie loved being on the varsity squad and the popularity that came with it. If she blew it now it was going to be a very long three and a half years of high school.

"Okay, see, this is where you **don't** bullshit me, Cassie. I was there, remember? You were drunk in the jacuzzi, topless, letting some guy grope you. And I **saw** you and Spike leave the poolhouse the next morning, so don't play all innocent with me."

"But we didn't --"

"Uh-uh. Don't." Cordy stepped closer to Cassie. "Whatever you did with Spike that night, save it. It's done. I'm not telling anyone what I saw that morning, and it's in your best interests to keep your mouth shut too. And if you ever again pull anything like slutting around during a party of mine -- don't deny it -- you'll be so far off the social scale at this school that people will be saying 'Cassie who?' all the way to our ten year class reunion. Got it?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to --"

"Good," she looked Cassie up and down and added, "And Cassie? Stay away from Spike Rayne. He's not looking for a girlfriend, he's looking for a lay. He dates 'em, he fucks 'em, and then he dumps 'em. I believe we told you this three months ago. You're pretty, you're **still** popular, and you're on my squad. Believe me, you don't want to wind up known around here as Spike's sloppy seconds. Capiche?" 

Cassie nodded miserably.

Cordy smiled. "Good. Oh, there's the bell for third period. Don't wanna be late, do we?" And with that she turned and left the restroom.

Cassie let out a huge breath and leaned against the sink. 

xxxxxxxxxx

There it sat, the proverbial eight-hundred pound gorilla in the middle of the room. They'd been eating lunch in silence for a few minutes now, no one knowing how exactly to tactfully broach the subject. Finally, Xander couldn't take it any more.

"Sooooooo...great party, huh?"

"Uh-huh."

"Yep. That was a great party."

Spike sighed and looked around at his friends, who were all now watching him carefully to see how he reacted. "We're gonna talk about this then? Fine. Nothing happened. Nothing. People need to mind their own business and stop talking shit about other people. That'd be a nice switch, yeah?" 

He was sick to death of all the snickering going on around him and Cassie. He'd heard nothing other than he'd danced with her and took her topless from the jacuzzi to the poolhouse. That was bad enough, but he was thankful that there didn't seem to be any gossip about them spending the night in there together. At least that hadn't been noticed by anyone.

"If you hurt Buffy I'll beat you to death with a shovel," Willow stated matter-of-factly.

The three boys turned to stare in shock at their usually mild-mannered friend. She wasn't known for making death threats as a general rule. 

"She's my first girl-shaped friend since third grade," Willow defended. "and I'm not going to let anything happen to her. Not even for you, Spike. If you're gonna mess around with other girls then break it off with Buffy now. Don't let her fall for you and then treat her like this."

Spike was both stunned and grateful for Willow's concern for her new friend. "I'm not messing with other girls, Will. I didn't do anything with Cassie other than get her out of the orgy shaping up in the jacuzzi before she got hurt. She was really drunk and she needed someone to help her. That's all I did. Got her out of there and took her home."

Willow gave it some thought and then pronounced her verdict. "Okay then, I believe you. But when **Buffy** finds out --"

"Please Will, don't tell her this. This is just gossip for a minute, and then everyone'll forget about it and move on to the next scandal in a few days' time. She won't even be here at school for three weeks, by then no one will even remember this. Please."

Willow didn't like it, but she did think he had a point about the shelf-life of school gossip. In three weeks it'd probably be ancient history to everyone. Still ...

Spike could see she was uncertain. "Look, let's see what happens. If it doesn't blow over quickly, I'll tell Buffy myself. At least let me tell her myself, Will. Please."

Willow sighed and nodded. That seemed reasonable. "Okay. I'll wait and see what happens. But you'd better not hurt her just because you can't keep it in your pants, mister. I mean it. I will hurt you."

"I promise Will. There will be no unauthorized out-of-pants activities." He grinned to see Willow's blush.

Xander and Oz watched the exchange with fascination. Xander wondered if Spike was being completely truthful. Oz made a mental note not to piss off Willow. 

xxxxxxx

At the 'popular' lunch table there'd been an undercurrent of gossip and snickering for about ten minutes now. Percy sat there grinning, oh-so-pleased with himself and reveling in the good-natured teasing of the guys. Aura was still a no-show, and Cassie had gone home after fourth period due to 'illness'. Cordy was determined to shut this down once and for all. She couldn't deny what everyone saw in the jacuzzi, but she could stop the Spike-Cassie snickering.

"Look," she declared and there was sudden silence at the table. "I was there. I saw what there was to see, and **nothing** has happened or is happening between Spike and Cassie. So that particular discussion can end now." She looked hard at the others seated around her, and no one said anything.

"But --" April started.

"You wanna say something?" Cordy turned steely eyes toward April. April shook her head 'no' and remained silent.

"Good." Cordy dismissed the subject and went back to eating her lunch. The others quietly began talking again, and Cordy was pleased to note the subject had changed completely. She looked up to see Drusilla smirking at her.

"You got a problem?" Cordy challenged her quietly.

Drusilla just laughed "Now whatever would be wrong?"

Cordy meant to return her attention to her lunch again, but saw Angel staring silently at her from across the table. Cordy returned his gaze, mutely challenging him to say something about her earlier declaration.

Angel had always admired Cordelia's strength and command of any situation that arose. She was a creature to be both feared and admired. He liked that in a woman. And she had a great rack.

Drusilla noted the two staring at each other, and decided it was time to step in. With a smirk at Cordy, she rose to stand behind Angel, wrapping her arms around his neck and whispering something in his ear that caused him to give a low chuckle. Without any further word the couple left the cafeteria together for what Cordy assumed was an impromptu make-out session.

Cordy watched them walk away and then turned her attention to Chelsea's elaborate description of the dress she had bought for Winter Formal. She couldn't control what the boys said in the locker room, but she had at least managed to stop the talk in mixed company, and she knew the girls would fall into line rather than risk her wrath. She still had Aura to deal with though. She wasn't looking forward to that conversation.

xxxxxxx

When Spike called Buffy on Saturday she was extremely disappointed to hear that Giles had grounded him for the next two weeks. Apparently he had missed his curfew on New Year's Eve and Giles had not taken it too well. She had already missed seeing him terribly so two weeks was going to be horrible. Since she wasn't in school with him she didn't even have that to look forward to. No phone calls, no visits, no rides. No Spike. This was awful.

No rides. That threw her into a small panic. She had really been counting on getting some rides from Spike for these meetings and classes she had to attend. With the serial killer still very much active Buffy was afraid to be going out alone at night, using public transportation. Plus, there was the creepy Warren at the substance abuse meeting to worry about. And there were also the parenting classes that started this week, and were also in the evening. She had counted on Spike to help her get home safely. 

When she hesitantly expressed as much to Spike, he also became alarmed. After much discussion and pleading Giles finally agreed to permit Spike to drive Buffy home from her meetings and classes, but only just that and nothing else. Giles would be paying attention to the amount of time this driving-home took and he didn't want to have to end it. Spike agreed readily to comply with his uncle's rules, and let Buffy know her ride was on again.

Secretly, Giles agreed that it was unacceptable that Buffy endanger herself by traveling alone at night, and decided that if Spike slipped up and broke the rules that he would himself make certain the girl had a ride home. He thought it strange that her foster parents didn't make some arrangement, but Spike explained that Rosemary was ill and John did not come home on time with any regularity to be counted upon for rides. Buffy had to look out for herself, and Spike was determined that he'd be doing the looking-after as well.

The thought did occur to Giles that Spike's prior behavior leant itself to the suspicion that this new responsible behavior was perhaps more to do with having an excuse to see his girlfriend rather than actual concern for her welfare. But the more he thought about it the more he thought that this time that wasn't the case. Spike seemed to really care for this girl, and his fear for her safety seemed genuine. In any case, Giles had no intention of leaving Buffy to find her way home alone with that madman wandering the streets looking for young victims.

xxxxxxx

Buffy left the substance abuse meeting at six o'clock sharp and saw Spike in the parking lot, leaning against his car and having a smoke. She had to stop a moment and just admire the view. He was just so damned sexy when he did that. She made a mental note to talk him into quitting smoking some time soon, but she didn't think it was time for her to be nagging him about it yet. In the meanwhile... _Damn_. The boy was sex walking.

Spike gave her a lazy smile, flicked the butt away, and pulled her into the warmth and safety of his arms. It had been days but seemed like weeks and he breathed deeply of her scent as he held her near. A few heavy raindrops fell upon their heads, and they looked up at the dark sky and laughed.

"Here, let's get you in the car where it's warm and dry," he chuckled as he helped her to her seat and got in the other side. "Giles is actually timing me, if you can believe that. So we need to make these trips count."

"Count?" she smiled.

He reached over and grabbed her hand, bringing it his lips for a quick kiss. "I fudged a little on the time it takes to get here. I figure that gives us about twenty minutes of quality time before I have to drop you off and get back to my house."

"Twenty minutes?" she grinned. "That's not much time."

"You'd be **amazed**," he gave her a low chuckle and a penetrating stare.

She felt his eyes rake across her body and was suddenly very hot. "Well then. **Amaze** me."

Tossing her a lascivious grin, he gunned the engine and tore out of the parking lot.

xxxxxxx

In case anyone was wondering, the high school has seven minutes between each class, with an extra twelve minute 'snack period' between periods two and three which means there are nineteen minutes free time starting at about ten am. I have no idea whether this is done at schools in other parts of the country, but that's how it's done **where I am **and since where I am is also the same high school used in the series I think it's only fair to use it for a template here. So please, no controversy over snack period. It's not just for kindergartners here and I didn't make it up. :-)

Since I have some space to explain this now, for those who are not familiar with the class schedule in American high schools, I thought I'd outline **our **high school's bell schedule. This way it's easier to follow what time it is within the story without lots of extraneous exposition about it within the narrative.

The regular day class schedule is as follows:

0 Period (starts at 7am. For those who want to start that early and need one of the few classes offered then)

1st Period (starts at 8am. Majority of students start school then)

2nd Period

Snack Period (starts approximately 10am and lasts twelve minutes plus seven for getting to the next class)

3rd and 4th Periods

Lunch (starts approximately 12:30 and lasts thirty minutes)

5th Period (after which those who start at 0 Period may leave with a special pass giving them permission, should they have no further classes scheduled)

6th Period (last bell at about 3 pm)

xxxxx

Thanks for reading and please leave a review if you can. I really appreciate each and every one.

Sara


	21. Chapter 60

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: I was going to put this scene in a larger chapter but thought you guys deserved a nice fluffy chapter with no angst or heavy depressing conversations and circumstances, so here it is -- a little fanfic _amuse bouche_. Hope you find it tasty and it leaves you wanting more.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Sixty**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Interlude**_

He had chosen the spot in advance, both for it's privacy and it's location only a few blocks from Buffy's house. It was in the isolated corner of the back parking lot behind the old bicycle shop, a shop which closed every night at six sharp. It was protected from view from the street by both the shop itself and the placement of several overgrown bushy trees. There was a lot of promise in this little parking spot.

Spike put the car in park, switched off the engine, and sat back to stare at Buffy for a moment. He watched as she gazed at him from under dark lashes and graced him with a small shy smile. He got hard just looking at her; she had no idea what she was doing to him, he was sure of it. Going as slowly as she required was killing him, but if that's what it would take then that's what they would do. It was so difficult to hold back when all he really wanted to do was let go and let passion take them as far as it would. But it was too soon, and he forced himself to remember that, and treat her as he had promised he would, letting her set the pace. 

**Mostly**. He thought that he should push the pace just a tiny bit further than she would have done herself, just to keep things moving along nicely. That had worked for him in past couplings, and although he meant for his relationship with Buffy to be so much more than those had been, he thought the principle a sound one nevertheless. It was a lesson Dru had taught him long ago -- as a man, take the lead and set the pace, and if the girl were willing she would follow him happily. Of course it only worked if the man were paying attention to whether the girl were actually willing or no, but the 'paying attention' clause was also a lesson learned from his first lover. Dru was not one to have her wishes ignored, as Spike had learned quickly and well. She may have broken his heart and turned out to be difficult and promiscuous, but she was a damn fine teacher, his Dru, and he would silently thank her for that at least.

Carefully, he moved over the seat, close enough to take her in his arms and tilt her chin up for a kiss. He delighted in the way she accepted him, without hesitation or restraint. It was as though she were melting into his arms, and she fit so perfectly there. The first sweet kiss quickly became heated, and he smiled when her lips parted for him. Taking his opportunity, he plunged within and caressed her sweet tongue and explored her mouth thoroughly, holding her tighter to him and feeling her arms come up round his neck. Almost without conscious thought, Spike brought one hand down and under her sweater, seeking the silky warmth of her bare skin, softly trailing from her back down her side and across to her flat belly. Hearing her sigh and melt further into his kisses, he brought his hand up to cup the mound of her breast, squeezing the perfect handful gently over the bra. As he felt the nipple come to a hard point beneath his caress, he moaned his approval and broke the kiss, breathless and panting.

Desperate for more contact, he peppered her jaw and neck with quick kisses, working his way up to the delicate shell of her ear, all the while his hand cupped and fondled first one warm breast and then the other. He could feel her pressing herself against him, seeking for contact, and it wasn't enough, not nearly enough. Without further thought, Spike pulled her closer with one arm and sought her lips once more, seeking to possess her mouth completely as he slipped the other hand up and under the lace of her bra. Ah, yes, that was more like it! Soft and firm and so warm, he was awash in the sheer experience of the moment, and moved from caressing her breast to rubbing the now-hardened nipple between his thumb and fingers, teasing it and delighting in her responsiveness to his touch.

Consumed by his passion, he moved to push her sweater up so that he could kiss her there as well, but she stiffened and blocked his hand when she felt what he was about to do. She pulled back slightly and broke his kiss but not his embrace, and as he continued to slowly massage the warm mound of her breast he looked down into her eyes, watching as she lay her head back upon the headrest and looked searchingly into his eyes.

They remained still for a moment, eyes locked, dark lustful blue gazing into deep clear green, breathing deeply and fighting for more control. They had but a few minutes left, and must stop before they became too carried away and missed their imposed deadline. There would be more days, more drives home, but only if they played by the rules now. It was only two weeks, but tonight it stretched out before them endlessly. Neither wished this interlude to end, but end it must.

With a monumental act of will, Spike pulled his hand away and smoothed her bra and sweater back into place once more. She was breathing heavily, continuing to stare at him almost in a daze of lust. It thrilled him to know that he was responsible for her condition, that he had brought her to such a state. The sheer power and eroticism of it all was almost overwhelming, and he thought once again that he was truly blessed to have found a girl such as she was. So sweet, so alluring, so sensual. He knew, deep inside, that when they were finally able to consummate their love that she would be spectacular.

But that was for another time; this time they must rein in their passions and pull themselves together sufficiently so that no one would suspect that they'd indulged in this little side trip.

Spike gave her a soft chaste kiss and watched with delight as Buffy smiled at him and reached up to smooth his shirt that she had ruffled in her embrace. 

Giving him a soft last kiss of her own, she moved back to her side of the seat and refastened her seatbelt so that they could continue the ride home. When Spike didn't do the same immediately, she wondered if something were wrong.

"Aren't we going home now?"

Spike grinned sheepishly and looked the other way. "Give us a moment, luv."

Buffy squinched her eyebrows in puzzlement for a second, then blushed and looked down at her hands. "Right," she breathed, embarrassed that she had missed a problem that was so obvious.

Getting his body back under control, Spike snapped his seatbelt back on, started the engine, and turned out onto the street toward Buffy's house. They'd gone about a block when he heard her whisper under her breath, "**Amazing**." 

Spike chuckled softly as he glanced her way, and pulled her hand to his lips for a quick kiss.

"Yeah, you are, luv." 

Embarrassed that he'd heard her, Buffy grinned and stared out at the passing scenery, shaking her head in amusement. The prospect of all those night classes was looking better all the time.


	22. Chapter 61

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: Pay attention to the dates. Most of this chapter is looking back over the prior two weeks. Only the very beginning and very end are current Buffy-time.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Sixty-One**  
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_**Old Moon Fades Into The New**_

_Friday, January 14th  
Sunnydale High School Library  
11:30 A.M._

Tap Tap ... Tap Tap ... Tap Tap ...

This was it. The Big Day. The day all the studying had been leading up to.

Buffy fidgeted nervously, her fingers tapping an anxious staccato on the big table in the middle of the school library, waiting for Giles to emerge with the results of a battery of tests she had taken that morning. These tests determined whether she would enter Sunnydale High School mid-junior year right on schedule or behind the rest of her class. It could mean the difference between having classes with her new friends or not. For what seemed like the hundredth time that day she wished she'd spent more time studying and less time socializing and going to all those meetings and classes. This could affect her ability to graduate on time, if she wasn't able to earn all of the missing credits by graduation day. If she didn't pass these tests she was going to have a **meltdown**, she just knew it.

Looking back on the first two weeks of January, Buffy felt they had just flown by in a blur of studying, classes, meetings, visitations, and short after-class make-out sessions with Spike. Her days and nights were so packed that she had barely had time to stop and think.

So maybe she had missed a few things at the time. And maybe some of those things were important. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, and sometimes it takes some distance to see a thing clearly ...

xxxxxxx

_Tuesday, January 4th  
Approximately 6:00 P.M.  
Buffy's House_

"What's the answer for number seventeen?" Buffy leaned over to take a look at Willow's answer sheet.

"No peeking!" Willow exclaimed and quickly tucked the sheet away. "You got it wrong, so you have to try again. No givesies!"

"You're no fun," Buffy pouted. "What's the good of being tutored by a friend if she won't give you the answers?"

Willow put on her best 'strict schoolmistress' persona and chided her friend. "**Buffy**. If I just give you the answers you won't learn anything. And if you don't learn it you won't pass your tests. You only have a week-and-a-half left to learn all this stuff. I know you can do this, but if you're not going to even try then don't waste my time."

"Wow, you're **strict**," Buffy pouted a second, then conceded. "I'm sorry. I'm just so sick of all this. I wish it was over already."

"It will be. And when it's over, you'll have passed your tests and you'll be in our classes with us like you want to be. The same classes **Spike** is in." Willow added with a little conspiratorial grin.

Buffy brightened immediately. "Well, when you put it like that. Let's make with the studying."

Willow smiled at her friend. She knew Buffy was intelligent and perfectly capable of learning the material, but her friend lacked confidence in her abilities and had too many distractions pulling her away from her studies. Some of those distractions were not avoidable. But others were ...

"Speaking of Spike," Willow hesitated and then plunged on. "Maybe it'd be a good idea to spend less time kissing and more time reading ... If you want to pass the tests ... You know ... Maybe."

Buffy was caught off guard, and looked up at Willow with wide innocent eyes. "But I'm not. Really. Spike got grounded for two weeks, so there's not much Spiketime right now. He's just allowed to drive me home from my night classes and meetings for now. So **no** distractions of the Spike kind for me." With a little pout she turned back to her textbook, flipping pages in search of the elusive answer she needed.

"Aw, I'm sorry. I mean, it's good that you have more study time, but it sucks to not be able to really spend time with him for two whole weeks." Willow paused. "Why is he grounded?"

"Oh, he got home past curfew on New Year's Eve, so Giles grounded him."

"Oh," Suddenly Willow realized they had started talking about The Night. "**Oh**!"

Feeling a sudden compulsion to babble what she knew, Willow made a quick decision to change the subject. She was sure she would blow the entire thing and tell Buffy what Spike had been doing that night that he'd missed his curfew. And obviously he hadn't told Buffy what had happened last Friday night, or surely Buffy would have mentioned it to Willow by now.

Buffy stared at her friend, wondering what all the 'oh-ing' was about; the girl looked positively alarmed. However, just as she was about to ask, she felt two large hands come down on her shoulders from behind. Startled, she began to turn to see who was there when she felt those hands begin kneading her shoulders in a relaxing massage. All higher brain functions seemed to recede as the gentle hands massaged her tensions away.

"How're you girls doing today?" the man behind her asked softly.

_Mmmmm ... Good ... John ... _Buffy's head fell forward as he brushed aside her hair and moved his hands up her neck. All the stress of the day just dissolved in the wake of his ministrations. He was so very good at this.

"Good, we're good," Willow piped up uneasily. The compulsion to babble endlessly about something had left and she was instead struck almost speechless by the little domestic scene playing out in front of her. She could see that she'd lost Buffy completely to John's massage. "Right Buffy?"

"Mmmm..."

After a another minute devoted to her neck and upper back, John gave Buffy a squeeze and a pat on the shoulders to let her know he was done, and she raised her head to smile dazedly at him.

"That was **great**. Thanks."

"Anything I can do to get the juices flowing ... the **studying** juices ... the studying ... going ..." John stuttered to a complete stop. "So! Anyone up for mini-pizzas for dinner?!" A change of subject seemed like a good idea.

"Sure! I'm starving," Buffy smiled at him and looked to see if Willow was interested also. She saw her friend staring at her with a look that could only be described as uncomfortable. "Willow?"

"Oh, yeah, mini-pizzas. Sounds great. Thank you." She nodded agreeably and watched as John walked to the kitchen counter to start making their meal.

"Okay, studying juices flowing, nourishment on the way, all systems are a go," Buffy pulled her worksheet back to continue puzzling at question seventeen. She hated American History; it was her worst subject.

Willow watched Buffy as she leaned over the page and started working out the study question once more. She thought that the whole 'massaging' thing with John was kind of creepy, and it didn't look like it was the first time either. The entire scene was **objectively** innocent, but there was something underneath that wasn't. Willow didn't think there was anything actually going on between Buffy and John, but she got the weird impression that John wanted there to be. If asked to pin it down, she would have to say that the sensuality of the massage troubled her the most, and she was left with a very uneasy feeling.

She looked over to where John was preparing the food and caught him staring at Buffy's back. As soon as he saw Willow's somber gaze fall upon him, he turned away to retrieve a pan. Buffy seemed happily oblivious, but Willow didn't at all like the way John had been staring and promised herself that she would speak to Buffy about it. She didn't want to upset her right before her tests, but she'd say something right afterwards. There was something not right here, something that could end up hurting her friend eventually.

"Willow?" Buffy's question penetrated and Willow turned back to her friend.

"Oh, um. Yeah."

"It's like you're on another planet sometimes," Buffy shook her head with an indulgent smile. "So, I think I got the answer to seventeen. 'Manifest Destiny'?" 

Willow thought she looked like a puppy who had fetched a stick and laid it proudly at her master's feet. "Yep, you got it. See? You can do this when you try," she congratulated her. 

"Yay me." Buffy beamed proudly. "On to number eighteen!"

Willow glanced in John's direction again and caught him watching them once more. She stared right back at him. She wanted him to realize that she was on to him. She thought perhaps if he had to worry about her witnessing anything or being privy to anything he might try, that he'd think better of trying anything in the first place.

John just stared right back at Willow for a moment. And then, with a wink, he turned around and continued making their dinner.

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_Thursday, January 6th  
Social Services Satellite Facility  
Carlton  
7:15 P.M._

"So David? My sister's boyfriend? Well he gets all pissed off that Becky - that's my sister - was going out with her friends that night, and leaving him all by himself, so he comes over to try to stop her from going out but they already left so we got to talking and one thing leads to another, you know, and so then me and Becky, we both find out we're gonna have David's babies, you know? But then Becky gets all mad and stuff that I slept with David, which totally wasn't my fault at all cuz she didn't have to go out with her friends and leave him all alone and stuff, so it wasn't my fault that we hooked up that night. God! she's such a **bitch**!Anyway, she got mad and got rid of hers but I really love David so I want to have his baby so here I am, but now she's all mad at me for having the baby cuz it's David's but like she wasn't gonna have hers and anyway they broke up right after that so what's her problem, you know? I mean, if she wanted to she coulda had David's baby too, but she got rid of hers, and she thinks I'm gonna get rid of mine? I don't **think** so! So then --"

"Thank you, Annette. I believe we've got the picture," Mrs Tobias smiled politely and, sighing, moved on. "Marissa? I believe you're next."

The introductory parenting class was required attendance for all of the county's pregnant and parenting teen mothers who had been assigned to the state's CalLearn program; after this they would break into smaller groups to attend the specific classes appropriate for the age of their children or as assigned by their social workers. Mrs Tobias always had all the girls attend the first introductory class so that they could introduce themselves, form friendships and bonds, and bring up any special concerns or problems they might have within this more restricted and private setting, away from the prying eyes of the general public. Their assigned classes were offered to the general public, so after tonight the girls would be learning along side people who were not part of their special group. Since all the girls were in this first class it was quite large, having thirty-one students from all over the county in attendance.

As Marissa began introducing herself to the class, Buffy stifled a tired yawn and looked around at her fellow program participants. It was all the same story and yet each one was completely different. The main theme seemed to be sleeping with the boyfriend and forgetting to use protection. Annette was set apart in that she'd gotten pregnant by her sister's boyfriend, although that little technicality seemed lost on Annette for some reason. Buffy thought she'd be avoiding Annette whenever possible.

Buffy was glad to see a familiar face among all the strangers -- Lily was here tonight. The two girls sat together in the large circle of chairs into which Mrs Tobias had organized the class. It was a lot like her substance abuse meeting, except all the kids were girls, half had big bumps, and they did not require an escort on their frequent restroom breaks. Mrs Tobias herself seemed over-cheerful and in Buffy's opinion also a bit dim. She couldn't imagine what this woman could possibly teach her, but it was in the 'plan' so she'd cooperate and eventually check it off her list so she could get her baby back. That's all this was to her really, just filling time and mandatory requirements so that she could get Katie back.

"Buffy?" Mrs Tobias was looking at her now.

She was expected to have a story to tell about how she got here, and she really didn't want to tell these strangers the truth. Thinking quickly, she pulled out the original story she'd told her parents long ago. They'd believed it all back then, and it fit with most of the other girls' stories. A quick edit here and there and she was done.

Mrs Tobias moved on to Lily.

Buffy found Lily interesting. She wasn't the brightest bulb, but she was friendly and kind and Buffy had just instantly bonded with her. She looked like she was about to pop any minute, and although Lily swore that she was just carrying one baby she was huge and Buffy could easily see how two or more babies could be coming out of there. The girl had to be miserable by this point, but you'd never know it. Her disposition seemed permanently set to 'sunny'.

Lily got to the part of her tale where the police had shot her boyfriend last month, and the rest of the class clucked with sympathy. With tears in her eyes Lily looked down at her enormous stomach, suddenly too emotional to speak the rest of her introduction. Buffy reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze in support, and Lily squeezed softly back.

Mrs Tobias tactfully moved on to the next girl.

At break, Lily felt too tired to stand around waiting for her turn in line so Buffy made the move to snag tea and donuts for them both.

"Your daughter is now one year old?"

Buffy recognized the formal Jamaican accent and turned to face Kendra Young, seventeen year old mother of a one year old boy named Nathaniel. When Kendra was introducing herself to the group earlier, Buffy had been impressed with her apparent maturity in comparison to many of the other young women in the classroom. That and the fact that only she and Buffy had children as old as one. All the other girls were either pregnant or had recently given birth. Buffy and Kendra had both come into the system later than most.

"Yeah, Katie turned one in November. What about Nathaniel?"

"He turned one in August. Now that he is walking he is running everywhere and getting into much trouble at the house," she chuckled. "So much energy, my son."

"The house?"

"We live in a group home here in Carlton."

"How is that - living there I mean?"

"There are six girls there, plus their children. I share a room with Nathaniel and another girl and her child. The owners are never there, the 'housemothers' are difficult and annoying, and the rules are too stupid to speak of," Kendra replied soberly. "What about you?"

"Foster family." Buffy prepared herbal tea for Lily and herself and picked up a couple of donuts.

"Much better, no? Than a group home, I mean." Kendra accompanied Buffy back to where Lily was sitting.

"Definitely. Except for the part where Katie's not with me there, she's in a different foster family right now." She handed the refreshments to Lily and turned to continue speaking with Kendra.

"Why did they part you from your daughter?"

"It's too long a story to tell right now ... but we could talk outside of class, I could tell you then. And you know, maybe we could talk, compare notes on raising our kids, kinda help each other out. Maybe? I mean, if you want to." Buffy looked hopefully at the beautiful black girl standing so stiffly beside her.

Kendra had already decided that she liked Buffy; indeed it was the reason she had approached her in the first place. She had little in common with most of the girls with whom she was forced to live now. It would be good to have someone outside her own home to talk and share with.

"I would be very glad to meet you outside of the class to talk. Our children are older than the others', so it would be nice to share with someone who understands this age as we do."

Buffy smiled at Kendra, glad to have met and hopefully befriend the girl. They exchanged phone numbers hurriedly as Mrs Tobias started clapping to bring everyone's attention to the fact that break was done and they should return to their seats. Kendra nodded at Buffy with a slight smile, and went back to her chair.

"Everything okay?" Lily asked as Buffy sat down again.

"Everything's great," Buffy assured Lily, and they settled in for the rest of the class session.

xxxxxx

_Saturday, January 8th  
Buffy's House  
8:30 A.M._

Every morning and evening for the last week John was home to make breakfast and dinner for Buffy. She didn't question it past John's explanation that she was coming down to the wire in her studying and he wanted to make sure she was well-nourished and had no reason to stop to make her own meals during this time. She thought it was sweet and fatherly of him. In fact, she saw a definite improvement in her relationship with John since New Year's Day. They had an understanding of sorts between them, and she almost felt like she was part of a real family again.

Rosemary remained upstairs, recovering from the headache that had begun the previous Saturday. Buffy had checked on her regularly, trying to be of assistance to the miserable woman, but Rosemary usually just pleaded for solitude and an occasional light meal which she took in her bed. Buffy was reminded of the 'ghost in the attic; Rosemary was a real presence in the home, but never seen downstairs among 'the living'.

So when Saturday morning came 'round, she expected to see John standing at the stove cooking some yummy hot breakfast for them, just as he had for the past week. Instead, she found a grim Rosemary sipping coffee at the breakfast bar.

"Rosemary! You're up!" Buffy greeted her cheerily. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better." Rosemary watched as Buffy pulled a box of cereal from the cupboard. 

"Where's John today?" Buffy retrieved the milk from the fridge.

"He's working, Buffy. John can't stay home making breakfast for you forever," she sniped icily.

Shocked by the response, Buffy paused mid-pour and stared at her a moment. "Is something wrong, Rosemary?"

"No, of course not. I'm just a little cranky this morning is all. I hate being cooped up all week like this." Rosemary rose to rinse her cup and place it in the dishwasher. "Be sure to wash up when you're done. I don't like dirty dishes in the sink."

"Okay," Buffy watched Rosemary warily, wondering what brought that comment about. There were never dirty dishes in the sink. She poured her cereal as Rosemary walked away, presumably back to her bedroom. 

"And, Buffy?" Rosemary had turned round again to face her. "I'm removing the phone from your bedroom. We really don't need so many private lines, and I hadn't really intended to have that line active anyway. You'll want to let your friends know to call you through the main phone here in the family room from now on." She turned and left, leaving a very confused Buffy staring after her. 

xxxxxx

_Thursday, January 13th  
The Bicycle Shop  
9:10 P.M._

Spike had picked her up after class and then parked behind the bicycle shop once again. They had parked here five times now, each time taking things to a slightly more intimate place, slowly revealing themselves to each other physically. Well, Buffy had progressed further along on the 'I'll show you mine' aspect of their making out sessions. She wasn't quite ready to handle the 'show me yours' part of the equation. She knew she had lost a good year and a half of dating experience, and was fully aware that she had to catch up some if she didn't want Spike to think her a little girl, too inexperienced and scared to move forward physically in their relationship. Of course Spike never so much as intimated such a thing, but Buffy felt it was true nonetheless, and she had been actively trying to be open as much as possible to wherever Spike was leading her next.

His very obvious 'maleness' and arousal were still quite new to her, and she knew she needed time to reconcile her lusty feelings with her natural timidity where the male body was concerned. Touching him tentatively over his jeans was as far as she had been able to go so far; anything more was too much for her mind to process. And she had kept him strictly above the waist whenever his hands began to move lower. She could see that her inhibitions were steadily lowering, however, and even over the course of the last week she found herself permitting more and more intimacies with this boy. Indeed, her initial fears regarding his intentions had fallen sharply away, to be replaced by almost a blind trust in the sincerity of his feelings for her. She did not permit a moment's thought on that subject, though, preferring to let the romance of the thing carry her away. She had been burdened by responsibilities for so long, it was a relief to sink into Spike's arms and trust him to keep her safe.

Buffy loved the back and forth of this mutual holding and caressing and exploring each other's bodies, and the sensations Spike was creating within her tonight were setting her aflame. She wondered at his ability to ignite such passions with a glance, a simple touch, just the promise of more. In his arms tonight, she could feel rationality fly away, leaving nothing but raw desire in it's wake.

She felt his arms tighten around her as he pulled her up on his lap. Buffy loved sitting on Spike's lap, with his strong arms wrapped round her and how it gave them both easier access to both lips and throats and roaming hands ... God, he had wonderful hands. Right now those hands were gently kneading her bared breasts, teasing her nipples into hard little peaks while his mouth, his amazing mouth, was kissing just that spot on her throat that sent fire to her belly and made her press into his embrace just that much more.

Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and sought his lips for a long deep kiss. Amazed at all the new sensations he elicited from her, she found it impossible to stop wriggling on his lap even when she felt his hardness pressing into her thigh. She was still somewhat intimidated by this part of his body and she broke the kiss to take a breath and gather her wits about her.

Spike had no such need for thought. Thought had left a while back and he was operating on pure male instinct at this point. As she pulled away slightly, he took the opportunity to move one hand down to her bottom to position her better for him, and then dipped his head down to take a hardened nipple into his mouth, suckling and laving it by turns. He then diverted his attentions to the other breast for more of the same. 

Buffy gasped at the sensation of Spike's mouth upon her and moved to straddle his lap so nothing would impede his progress in that area. All embarrassment at being bare before him in this manner was quashed by her overwhelming need to keep Spike doing that thing with his tongue **forever**. 

In this new position she could feel his hardness press against her more keenly, but her own arousal was so strong now that all nervousness fell away and she was left with an aching need to feel him there. Unconsciously she ground herself against him, her body seeking friction and release.

Spike's hips began moving against her, grinding back and increasing her own arousal. He moved both his hands to her ass, pulling her tight against his erection, and continued to suckle each breast by turns, grinding himself against her core as he did so.

She was almost there, she could feel her stomach tightening and her excitement was almost more than she could bear, the intensity of the feeling was so far beyond anything she had experienced previously. She felt him pressing himself more firmly against her, the friction exquisite and unbearable all at once.

Her attention was so focused on all the sensations that Spike was creating in her that she didn't realize he had moved a hand under the hem of her skirt until she felt him push aside her panties and begin to stroke her intimately. Briefly she thought she should stop him, but it felt so incredibly good that she didn't want him to stop. Ever.

Spike let go of the breast he was teasing with his mouth and sought to look into her eyes as he stroked her. "You're so wet luv, so wet for me," he whispered hoarsely.

Buffy opened her eyes and stared at him for a moment, wondering at how blue they were and how beautiful and ... she closed her eyes once more and wrapped her arms more tightly around his neck, nestling her face into his throat as he continued to stroke her and ... he was kissing her, right below her ear, and rumbling sweet things to her ... cum for me cum for me pet, there's a girl, right there, cum luv, let it go ... and the tingling in her core was the only conscious thought of which she was capable, as though the world itself had narrowed down into that one exquisite place ... she felt one long finger slide inside, pumping slowly as he moved his thumb over her clit ... and she stiffened suddenly, and broke, and then she was spiraling out of control, consumed by an explosion of absolute pure bliss ...

Collapsing against him, she sought for both breath and the strength to move again. Such a feeling of complete peace and satiation filled her that she found herself too boneless to do more than lay against his chest, straddling his lap, and soaking up the sweet words he gentled her with now that she'd found her release. One hand came up and rubbed soothing circles on her back, whilst the other he removed from her folds and brought up to his mouth. She raised her head to watch him lick his fingers clean of her juices, amazed that he would wish to do such a thing, but strangely turned on by the sight as well.

Suddenly shy, she smiled uncertainly as she climbed off his lap, refastening her bra and wondering what she was supposed to do now. Spike had had enough experience to recognize the beginnings of post-orgasmic embarrassment, and he moved quickly to dispel any doubts she might have over what she had done, over what he had done to her.

"You're so beautiful, luv," he whispered, pulling her closer for another embrace. "Watching you cum for me, Buffy, was the most beautiful, the most erotic thing I've ever seen. A wonder, you are, luv, a wonder ..."

"Really?" her voice was quiet, uncertain. "It was all so unexpected. I didn't know we were going to do that ..."

With a throaty chuckle he assured her, "The best times are always the unexpected ones, luv."

She relaxed as she looked into his eyes and saw nothing but honest affection, perhaps even love, though neither had spoken of it yet. "Well then," she whispered. "I guess I'm a big fan of the unexpected."

He grinned and playfully nipped at her ear, growling as he did so. She giggled and threw her arms about his neck for a long hug, during which she noticed what they hadn't done.

She pulled back in concern. "But what about you? You haven't ... I mean, we didn't ... um, I didn't ..."

"Don't worry about it, luv. I'll be fine in a bit."

"But --"

"But I have to get you home, or miss my deadline. I've only another day grounded, I really don't want to risk adding to my sentence now."

Buffy nodded, he was quite right, they had to leave now. She reached up and gave him another quick kiss, then settled down to buckle up to continue the drive home.

Spike let out a ragged sigh, pulled his coat closer round himself to hide his painful erection, and set the car in motion once more towards her house. Honestly, he didn't think it would be much longer before she opened herself to him fully. He hoped not, anyway.

Alone, in his bedroom, he made quick work of taking care of himself, reliving tonight's session in the car.

xxxxxx

_Friday, January 14th  
Sunnydale High School Library  
11:45 A.M._

"Well Buffy, I'm very happy to say that you've passed your tests," Giles smiled at her as he came out of his office.

Buffy jumped up and almost gave him a hug, but the look of sheer panic on his face stopped her just in time.

"Thank you!" she gushed excitedly.

"No thanks to me, you did the work. And now, if you would, I have the current class schedule for this next semester, and you may choose which courses to enter during each period." He added dryly, "I assume that the others gave you their own schedules for purposes of coordination."

She grinned and held up a piece of paper, waving it happily.

"Well, then. I'll let you get to it. When you're finished please bring it into my office and I'll see that you are added to the roster for those classes. As I believe you are aware, you will be taking Algebra II, American History, Creative Writing, Life and Health, and Biology, and P.E."

"Yep, I'm all set to go." She could not stop grinning.

Giles smiled benevolently at her and retreated to his office once more. Buffy settled down, and carefully laid out her schedule so that she'd have the most friends in each class as possible. When she was done, she'd managed to have Willow, Xander, and Spike all with her in Life/Health, American History, and Biology II. She was alone with Willow in PE. And she shared Creative Writing and Algebra II with Spike. That meant every class had at least one friend in it, and she was so happy she actually squealed. 

From his office, Giles heard her little cry of joy, and smiled to himself. 'That girl' was definitely growing on him. 

xxxxxxx


	23. Chapter 62

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: I am using the titles of the series episodes surrounding Buffy's seventeenth birthday because these are during the same time period (roughly for chapter 62, and exactly for chapter 63) and also fit with the content of the chapters themselves. This is a coincidence and nothing similar to the series occurs in these chapters.

I have finally written a chapter short enough to permit me to have an author's note. Whew. First, I want to thank everyone who reviewed and please know that I am thrilled with each and every review you've written and learn a lot from them and also gain momentum from them as well.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Sixty-Two**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Innocence**_

_Saturday, January 15th  
Sunnydale Mall_

"Oh, Will! This would look **so** great on you!" Buffy held up a little forest green teddy and draped it over Willow's chest. "It would really bring out the green of your eyes."

Willow was giving her that deer-in-headlights look again. So far, she had been afraid to try on anything remotely sexy since they'd entered the store.

"I don't know, Buffy," she whispered as she glanced around once more, afraid someone they knew might see them in the lingerie store. "All this stuff ... it just isn't really me."

Buffy wouldn't hear of it. "That's silly, Will. You can do sexy. There is in fact a sexy Willow deep inside of you, longing to get out and shimmy with the best of them."

Willow raised an eyebrow and stared dubiously at the thong her friend was shoving into her hands now.

"Seriously, it's just a matter of getting comfortable in them," Buffy took in the misery on Willow's reddened face, and sighed. "Look, you don't have to try on anything that's way out there. Just some soft sexy stuff that you could learn to be comfortable in before, you know, you and Oz take that next step. If you're already used to wearing pretty sexy underwear, then that's one less thing to feel awkward about when you ... well, you know."

"Well, that makes sense ... I guess," Willow conceded. "I could try out some things ... for later."

"That's the spirit!"

Buffy was so excited. John had finally given her a real allowance, and as a reward for passing all of her tests he had handed her a generous amount extra to shop for school supplies and clothes. 'You can't start a new school without new clothes' he'd declared, to her delight.

When she'd looked at her wardrobe with a critical eye she'd made note of the things that would round out and complete her basic wardrobe for school and parties. She had been dismayed, though, when she'd examined her underwear, to see that everything she owned was so simple and practical. There were a few lacy things, but her choice of lingerie these last two years had been more about comfort and nursing babies than it had been about sex and seduction. 

At this point in their relationship Spike had only seen her bras while in the darkened car, and even then they were draped over by the shirts she was wearing. She'd never been brave enough to let him remove them entirely; he had just unhooked the front clasps and let them fall open. And he'd not seen her panties at all. But soon, for the first time in her life (her conscious life, anyway), a guy was going to see what she really wore underneath her pretty clothes, and she didn't want to look like a nun when the time came to unwrap her. So to speak.

By the time they left the store, she'd convinced Willow to get the teddy and a couple of really pretty, lacy bras. Willow couldn't deal with the thongs at all, but Buffy convinced her to get some bikini panties that covered a little bit more without losing the sexiness factor. Buffy had never seen anyone blush as much as Willow did when she was trying on lingerie. She was so cute.

Buffy managed to get some lacy bras and pretty thongs, as well as a silky little nightgown. She still found it hard to believe she was actually considering 'doing it', but whatever happened next, she wanted to be ready just in case the occasion arose. There was no harm in preparing for the 'unexpected', now was there?

xxxxx

Fifteen stores and a lot of cash later, Buffy had managed to get the clothes and accessories that she had been looking for all day, most on sale. Hungry and tired, the two girls plopped themselves and their many bags down at a table at the food court. Buffy left Willow to guard their table and purchases while she went off to fetch their food.

Willow's extreme nervousness had less really to do with thongs -- although trying them on did completely freak her out -- than it did with her determination to speak with Buffy about John. She had been looking for an opening to speak with her, and thought that this lunch together would be the opportunity she needed. They'd eat, and then Willow would bring up her worries about John's behavior. Yes, that's exactly what she'd do. And she had to do it. She couldn't let her own embarrassment and unease prevent her from warning her friend about her foster father. 

"Here we go!" Buffy had returned with their food. "Kung Pao chicken for you, and Sweet and Sour shrimp for me." 

Willow was glad to see that Buffy was in such a good mood today. She didn't want to do anything to ruin it for her. Maybe she should wait, bring it up another time. She didn't want to upset her on the first truly happy day she'd had in quite a while. On the other hand, she'd already postponed this talk for almost two weeks ...

"Are you going to Winter Formal?" Buffy asked quietly.

"Um, yeah. Oz asked me," The question threw Willow for a moment. She'd forgotten about the dance as it might concern Buffy and Spike. Of course Buffy hadn't been part of any conversations about it, having just 'arrived' recently. But it was a relief to know that Spike had remembered to invite her. "Since you know about it, I guess Spike asked you, right?"

Buffy hesitated. "Not really. Spike hasn't said anything. I just noticed the posters up at school yesterday when I took my tests."

"Oh," Willow stopped eating. "Well, tickets don't even go on sale until Monday. I'm sure Spike will ask you to go. I mean, who else would he go with, right?"

"Right," Buffy nodded but was obviously unconvinced.

"I mean, the dance isn't until February 5th. There's plenty of time. Three whole weeks."

"Yeah, you're right," Buffy agreed. "I mean, we just **started** dating a month ago. It's not like he'd have known even a month ago that I even existed, you know? A-and who's to say that he might not have already asked someone else to go -- before he knew we were going to be together. I mean, he might have to take that other girl, you know, cuz he might have asked her first. That could happen. Right? That could be why he hasn't said anything yet."

"Oh, Buffy, I don't think he asked someone else," Willow tried to reassure her. "He's probably just waiting for the right time to ask you is all." Willow hated to see Buffy look so uncertain and lost, the way she was now. If Spike was already going with someone else she thought she'd have heard about it by now, but then maybe not. It wasn't like he talked a lot about the girls he had dated, at least not with her. She decided she'd ask Oz about it. Oz would know. 

"You're probably right. I shouldn't get all worried about it. He'll ask." Buffy nodded.

They ate in silence for a few minutes while Willow tried to decide if she should bring up John now. First Buffy was too happy and she didn't want to bring her down. And the next split second she thought Buffy was too sad and vulnerable to be able to handle the discussion. Willow wondered if waiting for that special 'right moment' was going to work after all, but finally concluded that no matter how much she could rationalize about telling or not telling, today just **wasn't** the time to talk to her. There'd be another time soon. In the meanwhile ...

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to get a dress picked out, you know, just in case," Buffy pondered. "I could try some on, put a down payment on the right one to reserve it, in case I need it."

"Before all the good ones are sold," Willow nodded agreeably.

"Exactly!" Buffy smiled. "That'd be the smart thing to do, right?"

"Right."

"Right." Buffy sipped her drink and nodded. Because he just **had** to ask her.

xxxxxx

"That dress looked great on you, Buffy. You should totally get that one." Willow had already found her perfect dress, so this mission was all for Buffy.

Buffy sat down on a chair in the dressing room, holding the beautiful dress in her lap. She looked up at Willow, her countenance a picture of sadness and frustration.

"This is hopeless, Will."

"What!? Why!?"

They were in the dressing rooms of the fifth store they had visited, trying on dresses. Buffy had seen a few that she was really interested in, but all were priced way out of her range.

"**Why**?Reality came by and bit me in the ass, is why," Buffy sighed. "I can't afford any of these dresses, Will. When I lived at home I didn't even think about the cost of things, but now ... now buying even a cheap dress formal enough for this dance is impossible. And I can't show up to my first dance with Spike, at my new school, in some **monstrosity**. I'd never live it down. And there'd probably be pictures. So no one would ever forget that I had horrible taste and wore some cheap monster dress to the biggest dance of the year." She shook her head.

"Can you ask your foster parents for money for the dress?"

"I don't know. They already gave me more than they had to for school clothes and stuff. They were really generous about it. I can't see going back right away and asking for this kind of money so I can go to some dance with a boy I just started seeing."

"Why not?"

"Cuz all of the tactics and reasons I would use don't work here, Will."

"What do you mean?"

"Tactics. You know, the pleading, the whining, the pouting, the buttering up ... That's not gonna fly with these people. And reasons -- the kinds of things I used to say when I wanted something don't work either." She offered examples. "'But it's the biggest dance of the year!' 'Everyone's been planning for this for **months**!' 'All my friends are going, I have to go!' You know, the things you say to get the parentals to let you do whatever it is they don't want you to do. These people just met me, and they know I just met all of you and haven't even started school yet. I can hardly claim that I've been looking forward to it forever or that my life will be ruined if I don't go to this dance." Buffy stared at her lap as she smoothed out the bodice of the beautiful dress in her hands. "They don't owe me anything."

"But they have to buy you clothes, don't they?"

"Yeah, school clothes. Casual clothes. And John was really nice to give me extra money to buy some prettier things for going out dancing and stuff. But they don't have to buy me expensive dresses for dances I'm not required to go to in the first place. I'd feel weird even asking them to."

She rose and hung the dress on it's hanger and placed it on the dressing room hook. With a last look filled with longing, she gathered up her things and left the store. Willow didn't know what else to say, so she simply followed her silently out the door.

xxxxxxxx

A little later, when they were standing in line at another store to pay for some school supplies, Willow told Buffy to hold her place so she could take one more look at a book bag she was considering buying. Once she was sure she was out of sight, she backtracked and hurriedly put a deposit down on the beautiful dress Buffy had tried at the last store. Just in case.

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_Sunday, January 16th  
Social Services Satellite Office  
and Visitation Center  
Carlton_

Buffy got off the bus across from the Center and grimly set out to see her daughter once again. She loved Katie and counted the days until she could once again be reunited with her, but these visits were brutal. It took every ounce of courage she possessed to go in there every week, for four brief yet endless hours, and be Katie's mommy again. She had hoped it would get easier, and in some ways it had. She no longer screamed and cried for hours on those nights when she left the center. But the pain did not really abate, it simply became familiar. Hated but familiar. And although she cried less, she still cried herself to sleep each time.

And she had as yet no idea who held her baby during the rest of the week, and that worried her. She thought if she could just see them, see these people who held her daughter's life and happiness in their arms, she could perhaps rest a little easier. She hoped. She prayed. But still there was no sign from anyone around her during her visits, anything at all that would give her a clue as to who these people were.

It was a cold day and she was bundled up tightly against the weather. She knew she didn't look her best by any means but she didn't have the energy to pull herself perfectly together this morning. She wore faded blue jeans, a white thermal top, and heavy boots, all buried underneath a warm blue pea coat. She had swept her hair into a simple ponytail with minimal make-up -- she was not fashionable today but she was presentable enough. She'd overslept and almost missed her bus. There was no time for perfect hair and makeup today, but Katie wouldn't mind. This was about Katie, and Katie liked her just fine no matter how she looked.

After she signed in she stopped in the restroom inside the lobby. Looking in the mirror, she gazed long and hard at the girl she had become. She could not see herself as a woman, even a young one, just yet. But the girl she had been was gone, and there was no longer a cheerful innocence in her eyes. Of all the things that she had experienced in her young life, she knew what had cost her that innocence. It wasn't the rape. It wasn't the disgust and anger of her parents and sister. It wasn't running away from home and learning to live her own life as a mother and friend and cousin. It wasn't trying to earn her living with Illyria. It wasn't watching Faith descend into a life that consumed them both in it's wake. And it wasn't being arrested and tried and summarily dumped into a foster home that constantly tasked her patience. No, it wasn't any of those things that cost her so dearly.

It was **this**. This constant tearing and rending and ripping of her heart every week when she had to visit her little girl and then so quickly lose her again and again and again and again ... It was some sort of hell they'd sentenced them to, this damn visitation and separation relived over and over from week to week.

Suddenly overcome by emotion, she released a low quiet wailing and beat her hands upon the sink in frustration, tears running down her face. She held on tight to the sink to keep from lowering to the floor, and with an extreme act of will pulled herself back together. She could not, would not fall apart here, now, not when they were around to watch and judge and hurt her more than they already had done. She couldn't let anyone see this, especially not Katie. Quickly she splashed water on her face and tried to erase the evidence of her tears, breathing deeply to achieve and maintain control. She had to wrap it up tightly inside and let them see only the good little mother she wanted them to see. And she needed to keep it together for her baby.

_They smell fear.  
_  
She smiled at the sudden memory of another impossible day, and pictured Fred's gentle smile and kind words. Fred had gotten her through that day in one piece, and now she had to remember that she had done hard things before and she knew she could do hard things again. She had that faith within herself, that she had done it and could do it again. She just had to remember that, not lose sight.

Even this, she could do. She could do anything she had to, if it meant she could have her daughter back. She pulled herself up and inspected her face for any signs of her breakdown. Satisfied that she'd pass muster, she took a deep breath and walked out to meet her daughter once again.

Her face set like stone until she could trust herself not to fall again, Buffy went back to the desk to see if she had been called while in the restroom. She had, in fact, and thanking the woman, walked briskly through the door as it buzzed open to let her in for four hours of heaven and hell on earth.

xxxxx

"Did you see that?"

"What was that, mother?" 

"That girl that just walked by, she told the receptionist her name was Summers."

Corrine looked up from where she was fumbling inside her purse to watch as a short blonde girl spoke to the receptionist. "That blonde girl?"

"Yes," her mother nodded excitedly. "That's her, that's Kathy's mother."

Corrine watched the girl carefully, curious to see what she looked like and how she acted. The girl was very pretty, very young; a petite little thing with long blonde hair. She could see the resemblance to Kathy in this girl. This girl was grim though, and had a stiff, hard aspect to her stance and countenance. And she was dressed in old worn clothes. Obviously of a low income background, and couldn't afford to dress well, even if she cared to.

"She looks hard," her mother noted.

"She'd have to be, to live a life like that."

"True," she clucked disapprovingly. "She has no business with such a sweet baby. What could they be thinking, letting her see that poor child like this?"

"Well, they do have to try to fix what's wrong, let her try to get Kathy back, mother. It's the laws."

"Huh. Laws," she dismissed them. "That baby comes back home upset every time she sees that mother of hers. They should stop these ridiculous visits and just let you have her, Corrine. That girl can't give her a good loving home like you can."

"Yeah, I know," Corrine agreed. "I hate having to settle Kathy down and comfort her every Sunday after her mother gets her all upset and worked up. I don't know what she does in there but it's just not right, the way that baby comes back from these visits."

"It's cruel," her mother nodded.

"Yes it is," Corrine shook her head at the injustice of it. "But Pat says it won't be too long before she's ours to keep. And then Kathy won't have to see that girl anymore."

"Can't be soon enough," the older woman clucked.

xxxxxxxx

Okay, I know you hate them. But they are not out of the ordinary, nor are they evil. They have a piece of the picture and make all their judgments based upon their world view and that piece they can see. As do we all. (Well, okay, you can hate them a little.) They make note that Katie is upset after every visit, and blame Buffy for it. This is a mistake, but a common one. Some babies and small children can become upset when reunited with a caretaker and then removed again in this manner, it's normal for them to be upset and confused by this. It's nothing Buffy does that causes it, it's the nature of the situation. Outsiders often think something is wrong with the caretaker, when it's actually just a normal heartbreaking reaction to the stressful situation. Anyway, the visitation chapters rip me into shreds so I don't follow every visit Buffy makes, I just can't bear it. Hope you enjoy and please leave a review if you can. I appreciate every one of you.

Sara


	24. Chapter 63

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: Well, I wrote a _lot_, but none of it was for her birthday, which I had forgotten entirely. Sigh. So here's the seventeenth birthday chapter, fresh off the presses, and the next chapter should come out pretty quickly, within the next couple days by my guess. Thanks again for all your reviews, they are important to me and frankly, you all rock!

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Sixty-Three**  
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_**Surprise**_

_Thursday, January 20th  
Buffy's House  
Breakfast_

It had been nearly two weeks since Rosemary informed her that John would no longer be cooking for her and Buffy had gone back to her routine of cold cereal for breakfast. This morning, however, the mouthwatering aroma of waffles and sizzling bacon greeted her as she descended the stairs.

That was the first surprise. The second was that a bouquet of festive balloons and flowers sat on the coffee table, cheerfully proclaiming 'Happy Birthday Buffy!'. She stopped dead in the middle of the family room and just stared, amazed. 

"Happy Birthday, sweetheart," John smiled fondly as he came around the counter and stood before her.

"Omigod, I can't believe you did this for me, thank you!" Buffy took a step forward and almost hugged him, but then remembered herself and stepped back again.

"Yes, Happy Birthday," Rosemary added quietly from the doorway.

Startled, Buffy spun toward where Rosemary was watching them, and gave her a big smile. "Thank you so much, you guys. I really didn't expect anything this year, and I know you didn't have to do this ... Just ... **thank you**." 

John went back behind the stove as Rosemary moved to a seat at the breakfast bar to watch him prepare their plates. The room was now over-quiet, as though ice water had been doused on the spark of happy excitement in the air just a few moments earlier.

There was a lot of tension in the house lately, and Buffy didn't understand why. Previously, she'd been the one who was all tense around her foster parents, while they vacillated between being friendly and being sharp with her. She had had trouble adjusting to living in someone else's home and figuring out her place here. But on New Year's Day she had made a conscious effort to try harder to fit in and be pleasant and just accept that this was her world right now and she had to roll with it. In her mind, she had lowered her expectations and then suddenly she and John had started getting along great. There had been no more 'talks' about how she could so easily be sent back if she were difficult and sullen. There were no more inappropriate comments about sex or condoms or anything of that nature. It had started feeling more like a family the last few weeks, at least where John was concerned. Her own father had always been emotionally distant and frequently away for work so Buffy really enjoyed this new improved interaction with John as a substitute father figure.

During the same period of time, however, Rosemary and John seemed to be having some problem between the two of them. She wondered whether it was related to Rosemary's increasingly more frequent sick headaches, or whether perhaps the couple had had some major fight of which she was unaware. Whatever it was, they were clearly not the happy couple they had been when she had first arrived, and it seemed to shift downward around New Years.

Sometimes Buffy found herself wishing that Rosemary would just stay upstairs and leave she and John to themselves, since they did just fine doing the family thing when they were on their own; the entire mood of the house seemed to turn chilly whenever Rosemary entered the room. She had the feeling that Rosemary didn't like her very much any more, but she didn't know what she had done to cause the shift in attitude, nor how to change it around again.

Buffy sat down next to Rosemary to watch John finish cooking the waffles. She decided to try to lighten the mood by playfully snatching a piece of bacon, but John reacted not at all, and Rosemary simply frowned into her coffee cup. Buffy sat back with a sigh and nibbled on her stolen treat.

"So, Buffy," He handed her a plate of food to take to the table. "What are your plans for today?"

"Thanks ... Nothing in particular," she told him as she walked to the table to be seated. "William is picking me up tonight to go to dinner."

Rosemary arrived with her plate, John following closely behind.

"Sounds good," he remarked carefully.

"Yes, I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time with William tonight," Rosemary agreed without looking up from her plate. She was picking at her food, moving it around the plate. 

"It should be fun," Buffy agreed quietly. You could hear a pin drop.

"Well," John cleared his throat. "I'll be leaving shortly, and won't be back until late, but I wanted to make sure you had a special birthday breakfast at the least." He glanced at his wife, who continued to pick listlessly at her food. "Rosemary and I wanted to give you a little something extra for your birthday."

"Oh, you don't have to, this is more than enough," Buffy shook her head.

"Well we **want** to, so ..." John slid an envelope on the table before her.

She opened the envelope, careful not to tear it. Inside was a generic yet very pretty birthday card, signed by them both, along with some cash. She knew better than to count it there in front of them, but it looked at a glance to be about a hundred dollars.

"Omigod, this is too much," she protested. "Really, you didn't have to --"

"We wanted to, Buffy. It's not every day a girl turns seventeen," he assured her pleasantly.

"But still --"

Rosemary suddenly came to life and pushed her plate away. "For heaven's sake, just take the gift. It's no big deal to us, we have plenty of money. Just say **'thank you' **and stop pretending that you don't want it."

Buffy stared at Rosemary in shock at the sudden rant. She chanced a glance at John, who was now staring at his plate, silent.

"I have a headache. I'm going to lay down," Rosemary announced as she rose from her seat, then turned from the table and left the room without a backward glance.

John and Buffy sat in complete silence for a few moments after Rosemary left, neither looking at the other. 

"Um," Buffy was very uncomfortable. "Thank you." She stuffed the money and card back into the envelope, set it aside, and returned to eating her breakfast.

John remained frozen in place for a few moments, but finally he glanced over at Buffy and offered an apology. "She's not feeling well right now. Makes her a bit irritable. I'm sorry."

"No problem. I understand. If I was sick all the time I'd be cranky too." Buffy assured him softly.

With the festive mood officially dead now, the two ate in silence for the rest of the meal.

After a few minutes, John cleared his throat again, and nodding thoughtfully, began as though he wanted to say something further. But then he stopped. Buffy looked at him expectantly, waiting for whatever he was going to say, but apparently John thought better of it and simply got up and started clearing the dishes.

She rose to assist him, but he waved her away. "You're the birthday girl. I'll get the dishes this time. You just go and have fun today, okay sweetheart?"

She nodded. "Sure. And thanks again, John. I **really** appreciate everything you've done." Picking up her envelope and balloon bouquet, Buffy went back upstairs to her room. She decided right then that whatever she wound up doing today, that she would make certain to keep as far away from Rosemary as possible. 

xxxxxxx

_Thursday, January 20th  
Evening_

The breakfast and gift from her foster parents had been a pleasant surprise, and although it was a wildly awkward morning, she was grateful for their generosity. As far as she was concerned, that had been the beginning and end of her birthday for this year.

Frankly, Buffy had assumed that she would be celebrating her seventeenth birthday alone. There had been no word from her family at Christmas, so she didn't really expect that to change now that her birthday had arrived. Her new friends were unaware of the date and she thought it would be awkward to mention it, having just met them and all; they might think she was fishing for presents. She had thought of tactfully letting the fact slip out to Spike, all accidental-like -- he was her boyfriend now, after all -- but again felt as though it sounded too much like fishing for gifts. There was always next year, she decided; if people felt kindly toward her next year, they'd do something for her then. This year she was resigned to keeping her special day primarily to herself.

So when Spike asked her out on a date for this evening, no mention of her birthday was made and none was expected. She was simply going out with her boyfriend for dinner, just like any other day.

But she had completely underestimated Giles. She hadn't considered the fact that Giles had access to her school file. Or considered the possibility that he might note the date of her birth for future reference. Or considered that he might feel an urge to pass on that piece of information to his nephew. But that is exactly what Giles did.

So, without telling her, Spike had arranged for the group of friends to all have dinner together at Willow's house tonight. Willow's parents were out of town this week so the house was parent-free. And because of the recent holidays none of them were really flush with cash at the moment, making the prospect of a restaurant dinner plus gift a hardship for most of them. And there was also the advantage that a birthday party at home provided a more intimate setting for them all to get to know each other better. Willow was excited to be playing hostess at her house for the first time ever, and had gone all out for crepe streamers and balloons. The attendees would be only those in their circle that Buffy already knew, with one notable exception.

Along with the usual core group of friends, another new person had been invited tonight. Her name was Anya Jenkins. Xander had met her at the New Year's party and they had become quite close since then. Anya had been at that party at the invitation of her distant cousin, Penn. She was a junior at a high school in Carlton so the friends didn't really know her all that well, but Xander really liked her and they wanted to make an effort to include her in their group as much as possible for his sake. Buffy's birthday was seen as a good opportunity for everyone to get to know both girls better.

Buffy had no inkling that any of this had been planned. When Spike had picked her up he simply told her that he needed to pick up some homework notes for one of his finals, and then they'd be on their way to the restaurant.

The shout of 'surprise!' that greeted Buffy as she walked through the door stopped her dead in her tracks, thunderstruck. That these kids, people she had just met, would come together for her birthday like this caught her completely off guard. These people had only just met her, and here they were throwing a party for her. She decided right then that she needed to figure out whatever she had done to even slightly deserve a boyfriend and friends such as these, and then go out and do more of it immediately. She was touched beyond belief.

Willow had put out a buffet of pizza, buffalo wings, chips, soda, and beer. It was finals week so Willow cautioned everybody to go easy on the beers and that the party would have to end by eleven so that she could get plenty of sleep for an early test tomorrow. And to be extra careful not to spill anything. Xander affectionately declared her to be his little party animal, and she threw a spoon at him.

Willow was all keyed up tonight, and was anxious that this, her first attempt at playing hostess, would be successful and also that her parents house would escape undamaged and unstained. Oz, always the calm center in the midst of a Willow anxiety-storm, stood solidly at her side, quietly helping where needed and reducing her stress with a hug here and a well-placed kiss there. Buffy thought Oz's calm was like a separate entity in and of itself; you could almost see it pass from Oz through into Willow with a touch or a word, and Willow's entire being would just instantly relax. As a couple the two were suited perfectly for each other.

At the opposite end of that spectrum were Xander and Anya. As a pair, at first glance, they seemed completely mismatched. Buffy was amused to see that Anya had the unique ability to spin Xander into utter panic by the simple act of opening her mouth to speak. Before words were even formed, Xander was tensely awaiting some social disaster or other to unfold. Yet, in spite of that, the two seemed to really like each other and it was obvious that they enjoyed each other's company.

In addition, their sexual relationship was quite good. Buffy knew this because Anya had made that fact perfectly clear to her, both personally and among the group, several times. She once even helpfully offered a descriptive explanation of how to perform a particularly pleasant position, one that they had evidently tried earlier in the week. Xander had turned every shade of red imaginable and looked like his head was about to spin off when he heard her start to tell that particular story. He had lunged at her and covered her mouth with a long kiss that diverted her into another direction entirely. Buffy wondered whether that was part of the reason for all of the sex -- it was Xander's primary diversion tactic to get Anya to be quiet. It seemed like a vicious -- although very pleasant -- cycle.

To allow everyone to eat whatever they chose in any combination they desired, they did the official birthday cake and candle blow out first. Willow had provided a nice chocolate cake, and Buffy silently wished the wish she had been wishing for some time now -- to get her baby girl back home as soon as possible. She looked over at Spike, and from the sober look in his eyes and his gentle smile she understood that he knew exactly what her wish had been. She smiled softly back at him in acknowledgment, until the tender moment was broken by their friends' sudden mad dash to fill their plates with food and cake.

xxxxx

Willow had had a rather adorable mini-meltdown when someone spilled a dab of pizza sauce on the carpet, prompting Oz to 'go in' and soothe the frazzled girl's nerves and bring calm and reason to bear on the 'crisis'. The 'dining' part of the evening moved into the kitchen.

Everyone sat around the kitchen table or at the counter, eating and talking and commiserating over their upcoming finals and who had the toughest teacher and who the easiest and whether so-and-so was going to try out for swim team and on and on and on. Buffy and Anya didn't have anything to add to these subjects so they just quietly listened while they ate.

When Spike noticed that they were being left out of the conversation, he deftly changed the subject to his own modified version of the game 'three things' so that they could all get to know each other better and bring the girls further into the conversation. Each person chose one question that everyone had to answer truthfully. From this game they learned that Willow had frog fear, that Oz had a secret love for tripe, that Xander's first kiss was actually Willow, in kindergarten, and that Anya was terrified of bunnies. This last revelation caused some confusion at first, as the boys immediately assumed that the bunnies in question were of the playboy variety. She assured them that she had no problem with Hef's bunnies at all, which prompted Xander to hug her and cheerfully declare her to be the perfect woman.

The other boys raised their beers in honor of Anya's perfection. Willow and Buffy just looked at each other and shook their heads.

xxxxx

Buffy had never seen anyone enjoy his food the way Spike enjoyed those buffalo wings. He was absolutely adorable in his joy. And she was also thrilled to see that although he was eating the messy food with great gusto, he had been brought up well enough to not be overly gross in the way he did so. Her perfect man, she grinned to herself as she sipped a coke and watched him finish the last of them.

They were sitting together in the kitchen, the only ones remaining at table. From the living room they could hear Anya launch into another fascinating story about her love of the macabre, which somehow ended up with a reference to something Xander had done in the car a few nights previously.

"Waaaait for it," Spike grinned.

"Anya!" came the horrified shout from her poor boyfriend.

"Like clockwork," he chuckled as he used a wet cloth to wipe his hands and face clean of any evidence of barbecue sauce. A huge pile of chicken bones sat neatly upon his plate, which he pushed away from him as he washed the meal down with a large swig of beer.

"I think if we'd turned Xander's cry of **'Anya!' **into a drinking game, we'd all be passed out drunk by nine o'clock!" Buffy whispered with a conspiratorial chuckle.

Spike choked on his beer, and Buffy moved around the table to pat him on the back in an effort to still his coughing fit. He decided to take the resulting opportunity to pull her into his lap and kiss her senseless.

"Guys?" Willow tried to get their attention from the doorway. "Guys!" she spoke a little louder. "We need the birthday girl to open the presents. You can make out all you want while we watch the movie."

That got Buffy's attention. She pulled away from the kiss over Spike's objections. "Presents!"

Satisfied that her mission had been accomplished, Willow left them alone once more.

Buffy tried to rise but Spike held her fast. She glared at him with mock seriousness. "You **dare** to stand between me and my birthday presents?"

"You can unwrap me, luv," he gave her a sexy grin, tongue pressed to the back of front teeth suggestively. "I promise you'll like what's inside."

"Yeah, yeah," she swatted him playfully. "In your **dreams**, mister."

Spike released her with an exaggerated groan. Standing, she took his hand and led him into the living room where the others were waiting for them.

"Every night," he whispered as he followed right behind her.

xxxxx

"It is now time for the traditional birthday spanking," Anya declared brightly. "Who wishes to have the honor?"

Buffy looked up sharply from reading the label on the last of her birthday gifts; sitting stock still, she wondered if they were actually serious about this. Anya looked pointedly at Spike, who seemed as shocked by the suggestion as Buffy was, but the shock on his face quickly gave way to an evil gleam as he began to slowly stalk toward Buffy, his intentions clear.

"No no no no no," Buffy laughed as she stood and held her hands out in a placating gesture, backing away from Spike's menacing approach. He just kept up that evil smirk and continued on toward her, one slow step at a time. 

"What? You afraid of a little birthday spank, luv?" he taunted her.

Buffy moved to put one of the sofas between them.

"Hey guys, help a girl out, here!" she appealed to the others to save her. There was little assistance to be had, however. Anya had instigated the thing, and Xander and Oz were both curious -- and a little excited -- to see what would happen. They simply sat and watched the little dance play out before them. 

Buffy waited until Spike was nearly upon her, then faked him out by diving to stand behind a nearby wing chair. He placed his hands upon his hips and shook his head disapprovingly at her, all the while grinning from ear to ear. "Come on, now, suck it up like a big girl. It's only -- how many, then?"

"Seventeen," Xander provided helpfully.

"Seventeen swats. Nothin' at all."

Willow could see from Buffy's face that she wanted to be a good sport about this, but was also mortified by the impending public humiliation of a 'birthday spanking' delivered by her new boyfriend in front of people she still really didn't know all that well. It was up to Willow to save her friend from that fate. 

"Okay, guys, this is all fun and everything, but I think it's a big **'no'** to the birthday spanking," she spoke up forcefully. "And we don't actually **have** a spanking tradition, so no fair starting it up with the new girl, okay?"

"But --" Anya began to protest, but Xander pulled her close and whispered something in her ear. She brightened immediately and nodded, and Willow could just imagine what the two of them would be doing later tonight.

_Ew ew ew.  
_  
Leaving aside that unwanted visual, Willow put on her most determined face as she moved between Spike and Buffy and, turning to face Spike, crossed her arms and stood firm. She left him with no choice but to raise his hands in defeat and back away. But although he sat down on the arm of the sofa to watch Buffy emerge from behind the chair, he never lost the evil glint in his eyes as he looked past Willow to where Buffy was standing.

"Spoil **my** fun," he grumbled good-naturedly as he pulled Buffy to him for a hug and a passionate kiss.

"Well, after the party, Xander and I are gonna --"

**"Anya!"**

xxxxx

After dinner they joined Willow in cleaning up whatever mess had already been made, then paired off into couples to sit around the now dark living room and watch a movie that Buffy had mentioned to Willow she'd always wanted to see. It was a good movie -- a romantic comedy that made the boys groan dramatically -- but no one was watching it very closely. By the time the credits rolled, Anya was anxious to take Xander away to continue with what they were doing and they left immediately. Trying for more subtlety, Buffy and Spike stayed longer to talk for a bit, but they too found they wished for some alone-time this evening.

"This was a fantastic birthday, Will," Buffy squeezed her friend in a big hug where they stood at the door. "It was so much fun, I can't thank you enough."

Willow hugged her back. "You're welcome ... but," she smiled sheepishly. "I don't think I'm cut out for the party-giving business. Way too stressful."

"Nonsense, it was perfect. Food was good, fun was had, the company was excellent, presents were given -- all in all a perfect birthday party," she assured her friend. "Oz was very sweet tonight."

"Yeah, he's great. Keeps me from spinning off my axis and leaving the galaxy, you know?" Willow blushed, and leaning forward, whispered, "Unless that's what we're going for."

Buffy laughed with a snort, then glanced over to see if Spike noticed the unladylike sound. She was thankful that he seemed to have missed it. "Sorry," she chuckled softly. "Anyway, we'd better get out of here before Spike turns all caveman on me. We were making out during the movie and I think I broke him. He only talks in one-syllable words now."

"The blood from his brain --"

"Is elsewhere," she laughed, blushing. She turned to where Spike was talking quietly with Oz. "We should leave now, babe."

Spike clapped Oz on the back and bid him goodbye, then moved to Buffy's side. "Now?" He took the sack full of gifts from her hands.

"Yes, honey."

"Off then," he grabbed her hand and led her through the door with a determined step. "Bye! Great time! Thanks!"

Buffy allowed herself to be led away, waving to Willow with the other hand. "Talk to you tomorrow!"

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Hope you enjoyed this little day in Buffy's life. Quite a different birthday from last year. Tension mounts at home, the friends draw closer. She starts school with them for second semester in about ten days now. I don't know about you but I can hardly wait, it's been a long time getting there. :-) Thanks again for the reviews, they are really important to me. And as always, please review if you can. 

Sara


	25. Chapter 64

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: My New Year's resolution: never predict when the next chapter is going to post. You'd think I'd have learned that by now, but I am apparently not quite that smart. There's always some reason, some perfectly valid reason, for the delay, and then I feel guilty and my readers grow restless. Badness abounds. So, sorry. Truly. But I will say that I did have chapters written and ready to go, but suddenly decided I needed something more in between and to address some stuff and there I sat, bogged down with an impossible middle chapter once again. So, no more predictions. There. I said it. It must be true.

Hope your New Year's was a happy one and that you enjoy the new chapter. Thank you all once again for your reviews. They make me sing and also urge me to write better.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Sixty-Four**  
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_**Throwdown**_

_Saturday, January 22nd  
Espresso Pump  
mid-morning_

Since Willow was in the middle of finals and couldn't get away from her studying for very long, the girls had decided that a short coffee-and-croissants-break would make a welcome, if brief, diversion for the both of them. Buffy arrived at the _Espresso Pump _first and settled down at a table by the front window to watch the outside world go by and do some hard thinking.

Over the last few days Buffy had become uneasy. She knew that something was wrong but she wasn't sure what it was. She had tried to dismiss it as just her imagination, but it kept niggling at the back of her mind and refused to be ignored any longer.

The party the previous Thursday had been a complete surprise, and quite touching really. She liked her new friends very much and thought that they liked her, too. Spike had been very sweet and very demonstrative during the party, touching her, kissing her, making it clear to everyone present how he felt about her and how much he wanted her. At the party this had been quite evident. At the party ... at the party at Willow's house ...

And that was really the problem, she realized. That was what was bothering her. It had been a wonderful party, a thoughtful party, a fun party. But it had also been a very **private **party. Their rides home and make-out sessions were -- naturally -- private. Almost everything they had done so far as a couple had been private. Their first date had been to an out of the way diner that was not exactly crawling with teens; and the movie was on a low-attendance Tuesday night, and, of course, in the dark. And when she thought about it, that first date had been the most public thing they had done as a couple in the entire time they had known each other.

Why was that? Was he ashamed of her? Ashamed of being seen with her? There was no other girl; she had to believe that Willow would have told her if there had been. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around this puzzle. After all, Spike **had** asked her to go to the New Year's party with him. That had to mean something, after all. But that had been a month ago, and of course she had had to beg off and never went with him. And since then there had been nothing else so public, and he had not yet said a word about the Winter Formal. Now that she looked back on it, whenever the subject came up of Buffy joining him at school for second semester, Spike always seemed to change the subject.

If it were true, that he was somehow keeping her out of sight, it was a devastating realization. So devastating, in fact, that Buffy decided not to believe in it. It just could not be true ... and yet ...

She needed to talk to someone about this before it made her crazy and she was any more paranoid. She made up her mind to bring up her fears to Willow. Willow knew him so much better than she did; surely she would be able to give her some insight, some advice.

"Hey Buffy!" a cheerful voice chirped from behind her.

"Hey," Buffy turned her head to see Willow smiling at her. She watched as her friend got her own coffee and pastry and settled herself down at the little table. Buffy picked at the corners of her croissant. "So."

Something about Buffy's tone gave Willow pause; she stopped mid-sip and placed her cup back down. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Of course," Buffy nodded emphatically. "Sure. Everything's okay. Of course ..." she trailed off.

Willow raised an eyebrow and waited for an explanation.

Buffy sighed. "Spike hasn't asked me to the Winter Formal yet."

"Oh," Willow squeezed Buffy's hand briefly. "He will --"

"No, he won't," Buffy declared. "He isn't inviting me, Will. In fact, I don't think ..."

"He **will**," Willow pronounced authoritatively. "There's still two weeks, Buffy."

"But --"

"He **will**."

Buffy nodded agreeably, seeing that Willow was so determined that it be true. She gave her friend a grateful smile, then sighed into her coffee. "Will, do you think maybe he is ... might be ... sorta ... well ... couldhebeashamedofbeingseenwithme?"

Willow paused to decipher what Buffy just said, and when she had worked it out she turned shocked eyes to stare at her friend. "No! Why would you think that?"

"Because he never takes me anywhere public," Buffy explained softly. "He hasn't asked me to Winter Formal. Whenever I start to talk about starting school with you guys he doesn't say anything or he just changes the subject." She had started crying now, in spite of her determination not to; she didn't want to be all weepy and insecure here but she just couldn't hold them back. Try as she would, the tears fell harder yet, and she finally just gave in to her anguish and laid out her worst fears before her friend. "Why **wouldn't** he be ashamed of me? My life is like some grotesque circus sideshow, and god! the **gossip **there's bound to be about me once I start school. I'm pretty sure Harmony is gonna make trouble for me at the very least. Why would Spike want any part of that, Will?" Buffy stiffened and sucked in her breath, determined to cease crying and pull herself together.

Willow sat still, stunned by her friend's sudden breakdown. She hadn't seen this one coming at all.

"**Oh**" she moved quickly to the seat beside Buffy and put her arm around her, whispering soothing words to her, trying to calm her down so they could talk rationally about what Willow considered to be a ridiculous fear. Willow just could not believe that Spike -- **especially** Spike -- would let what anyone else thought determine whom he hung out with or dated. Buffy was right about one thing though. The school gossip mill was going to be vicious if Harmony had anything to do with it. And Drusilla took such pleasure in being hateful, just for sport. It wasn't likely that Buffy was going to simply blend in to the social scene at Sunnydale High School without any drama going on around her.

After some firm supportive encouragement from her friend, Buffy was feeling a little better about things, and Willow had made a firm decision to speak with Oz. If he didn't know what Spike was thinking, he could find out. And Willow was determined to relieve Buffy's fears as quickly as possible. There was just no way that Spike was trying to keep his relationship with Buffy out of sight. He wouldn't do that.

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_Monday, January 24th  
Community Health Center  
7:00 P.M._

All the thunder and rain in the world could not dampen Buffy's spirits tonight because this was the night she graduated from her substance abuse program. Six weeks of that peculiar form of torture known as 'group counseling' and her court card was complete with all the required signatures and negative drug test results. Now, with any luck, she'd never be on the receiving end of either a 'Jerry glare' or a 'Warren leer' again. For this brief moment in time, life felt good.

It was really pouring down now, with lightning flashing and thunder booming from on high with increasing frequency. The rest of her substance abuse group had already left for the night; she was the last one, waiting on her ride under the overhang right outside the main entrance. There were other classes and meetings going on inside, but out here she was on her own. The severe weather kept even the smokers inside tonight.

Spike should be picking her up any minute now, and she just couldn't wait to see him and share her joy. She wanted to go out and celebrate. Tonight definitely called for a special treat of some sort. She shivered and pulled her coat more snugly around herself, hands warm in pockets and shoulders hunched against the chill. She swore softly under her breath - he was a little late this time.

"Hey, _**strawberry**_" drawled a familiar, hated voice from behind her. "Congratulations on your graduation tonight."

With a disgusted eye roll and another whispered curse, Buffy just barely stopped herself from responding directly to her tormentor. Here it was the last night she had group with him, and although she had thought she was free she saw now that she hadn't quite escaped his taunting pursuit. He seemed to be looking to get a reaction from her so she decided that her best course of action was to simply ignore him.

Coming up to stand beside her in the covered entryway, Warren leered. "Come on, baby, don't be like that. Ol' peroxide's got nothin' on me. Don't waste yourself on him when you can have a real man."

She refused to give him the satisfaction of a verbal response, and simply moved to the other side of the entryway to put some distance between them.

Warren watched her step away and felt a spark of fury light inside of him. She thought she was better than him, and he needed to make her see that attitude for the lie that it was. If there was anything Warren hated, it was an uppity broad. Curling his fists by his sides, he marched over and got right in her face. 

"Look, you little **bitch**," he sneered. "You think you're too good for me, don't you? Well think again, baby. You're nothing but a little low-rent whore who'd be living on the street or in some dealer's house if social services hadn't picked you up and given you a place to stay."

She stiffened and flashed a startled glance at him.

"**That's** right, I **know** where you come from, who you were living with and what they were doing." He laughed bitterly, shook his head, and continued contemptuously, "And **now** you come to these meetings acting like your shit don't stink. Well, I'm here to tell ya, honey, you got **nothing** anybody wants 'cept what's between your legs. So don't think you're so special. You're **nothing**. No one. And pretty soon bleach boy is gonna figure that out and **dump** your slutty ass."

"'s that so?" The deathly calm voice came from directly behind him.

Startled, Warren spun around just in time for Spike's fist to connect with his stomach.

Shocked by the sudden violence, Buffy swung around and away, her back crashing into the door behind her. She stayed there, quite still, watching with wide eyes as her boyfriend dealt with her tormenter.

When Warren bent over from the force of the sucker punch to his gut, Spike slammed his knee up into his face. Before Warren had a chance to react to the force of that blow, Spike's fist was slamming into his jaw and he went down onto the wet concrete beyond the overhang. Hard.

Spike stared a moment as the rain soaked the prostrate boy before him, then strode quickly to Buffy to take her into his arms. She gaped at him a moment, still in shock, then stepped forward and allowed him to draw her into his safe embrace for a moment. He pulled back and gave her a quick once over, to see for himself whether she was okay. Once he had satisfied himself that she was uninjured, he turned to watch as Warren sat up, wiping the blood and water from his nose and eyes as sheets of rain soaked him through.

"You owe the lady an apology," Spike's voice was colder than the night that surrounded them. 

Warren stood up, his legs wobbly but his attitude unshaken. "You've gotta be kiddin' me," he sneered.

Spike gave Buffy a reassuring squeeze, then released her, moving to face Warren directly while at the same time pushing Buffy behind him and further away from the other boy. With slow deliberate steps, he approached Warren. "Not the answer I'm lookin' for here."

Warren stood his ground a moment, but when he saw Spike take another menacing step forward, he backed up and put his hands up in a placating gesture. "Fine, man, fine," he nodded as he turned toward Buffy's direction. "I'm sorry, okay, I won't bother you anymore. She's **all **yours." Warren spit that last to Spike, then turned around and walked briskly off into the rainy night just as a huge clap of thunder boomed over their heads.

The couple watched in silence as he moved past the dim light of the community center and faded into the darkness beyond. When they could no longer see him, Spike turned and drew his frightened girlfriend back into his arms for a tight hug.

"You okay, luv?" Spike tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "He didn't touch you did he? Cuz I can still go kill 'im --"

"No! No ... he was just being his usual jerky self, that's all. Just words, nothing more than that," Buffy assured him shakily. She gave Spike a quick smile and nestled into his embrace, trying to put a good face on even though she was really feeling overwhelmed by the brutal confrontation to which she had just been witness.

She felt both relieved to have Warren dealt with and disturbed that her boyfriend had done so with such lightning-quick violence. Violence, she noted, that he seemed very practiced at and comfortable using. She tried to shake off her unease, confused by her conflicting emotions. On the one hand, she liked the fact that Spike seemed able to actually physically protect her. That was reassuring and all kinds of hot. But on the other hand, she was not comfortable with the beating she saw delivered so coolly tonight, even if Warren had deserved what he got. She wasn't sure what to think, but decided for now that she would comfort herself with the belief that Spike would never hurt her or anyone else undeserving. Yeah, that was it -- it was okay, because he would only use his power for good. She really believed that, and it gave her the ability to relax again, and take comfort in the warmth and protection he was offering her right now.

Spike was one of the good guys, and it was okay.

Spike squeezed her to him and let out a relieved sigh. As much as he'd love to beat the life out of Warren, he knew that Buffy could not bear any more drama in her life right now, and he could tell she was upset by the confrontation she'd just had with the little shit. So he would let Warren go for now. But if he heard so much as a negative word about Buffy from that little swine, he'd beat him until he prayed for death. She was still shaky, and he didn't want to frighten her with talk of further violence, so he decided it was time to move the subject on to happier things. 

"So!" he exclaimed, "I hear you've graduated tonight and that congratulations are in order." He stepped back a space to look down into her eyes. "Let's you and I go celebrate, yeah?" He smiled at her and was happy to see her face light up in happiness.

"I am **so** up for that!" she agreed; she would be happy to go with him to anywhere that was not here. "Where're we going?"

"You'll see," he kissed the tip of her nose with a teasing smile and reached down to grab the large black umbrella that he'd brought from home. Opening it over them, he tucked her by his side for a dash to his car, which was parked out of sight at the side of the building. He managed to get Buffy in the car with little difficulty, but as he walked around to the driver's side a huge gust of wind yanked the umbrella out of his grip, whisking it away into the darkness. Buffy watched as he made a sudden lunge in an attempt to recover the thing, and then gaped open-mouthed as she saw him over-balance in the effort, finally landing on his ass in a rapidly forming puddle of water.

When at last he folded his body into the car, he was soaking wet and cursing furiously in strange British words that she only slightly understood. He slammed his door shut and squished uncomfortably into the driver's seat, both embarrassed and furious about his performance with the umbrella. To add insult to injury, instead of offering him sympathy and gratitude for his efforts, there was his girl laughing hysterically at him from her nice dry spot inside the car.

"You'd better not be laughin' at me," he warned her sternly while pulling off his wet duster. He reached around to hang it on the hook above the door in back of him, so that both he and it could start to dry off a little, then turned to take in his appearance in the rear view mirror.

His severe mien and forceful words contrasted comically with the sight of him sitting there, looking in the mirror, soaked to the bone. Buffy watched him as he used his hands to wipe the excess water out of his hair and eyes, and then worked futilely to smooth back his unruly curls. She thought he looked as though he were trying to glare his hair back into place through sheer force of will.

Finally, with a dramatic sigh, he gave up the hopeless task and let the curls loosen and pop out all over his head. He hated his curls.

While Spike wrestled with matters of grooming, Buffy could feel her emotional control badly slipping. She'd been overjoyed to end the horrible drug group meetings, had been hurt by Warren's cruel words and then stunned by Spike's violent reaction in her defense. It had been a trying few minutes.

So the sight of Spike landing ass first in a pool of water as he lunged for the umbrella, and then him sitting here, dripping wet, cursing and trying to tame his hair, was enough to send her completely over the edge tonight. Her emotional dam broke and the emotion that won out over all the others was hilarity; she laughed herself silly, uncontrolled and quite unstoppable. It was as though a safety valve had opened, letting the excess tension of the last few minutes harmlessly flow away.

Don't laugh, he had warned her? **Impossible**. She just laughed all the harder.

"Oy! I mean it now, you laugh at your peril, missy," he narrowed his eyes when she doubled over giggling helplessly. While his hurt pride made him take a quite severe tone at the moment, within he was reassured by her giggles, relieved that she had been able to recover from the 'Warren-incident' without slipping into a morose depression as he had thought she might. But not for anything was he going to let her know that he found her amusing; not yet anyway. There was hay to be made of the present moment and he decided to play with her for a bit. He too needed to release some pent up tension.

"All right, that's it! You've done it now," he waggled a finger at her as he slid over to the middle of the bench seat and went to pull her on his lap.

Buffy couldn't stop laughing but she did register that she was again on his lap and it **was** the place she most wanted to be, even if it was thoroughly soaked by now. She was about to make some snarky comment about the fact that **she** was now sitting in a pool of water when she suddenly found herself turned over his lap, one arm wrapped round her waist holding her firmly in place, her jeans-covered ass in the air. Just as she was beginning to process this sudden strange change of position, she felt a sound smack land on her right cheek.

"Hey!" she cried out in surprise. "What're you doing?!"

"What does it look like I'm doin'? I gave you fair warnin', but you just laughed at me. And now I'm gonna spank you just like you deserve. Laughin' at a bloke cuz he got caught in the rain tryin' to help **you**, now. Is that any way to act?" He landed three more firm blows to her bottom then stopped to register her reaction to what he belatedly realized was an extremely rash act. These were games Drusilla had liked to play and he had fallen into the role without thinking it through. He had no idea whether Buffy would take his playful dominance in the spirit in which it was given, and it was only a few days since she'd refused the birthday spanking. That was not a good omen, right there. He became quite nervous now at what Buffy's reaction to this bit of impulsiveness might be; he hoped he hadn't taken this thing too far.

Buffy lay over his lap, stunned. This was a situation she simply had no context for, and she had no idea what she was supposed to be thinking about it. She was absolutely certain of two things though -- the laughter he was spanking her for was ready to start bubbling up again at any moment; and Faith had been right. This **was** kinda sexy.

She had just decided that the proper response was to mock lecture him for spanking her as though she were a child when suddenly the laughter bubbled to the surface and she erupted in helpless giggles once more. Here she was laying over Spike's wet lap and he was spanking her for heaven's sake. It was both absurd and oddly pleasant. And she couldn't stop giggling to save her life. 

Spike had been holding his breath, hoping for some clue to gauge her reaction to him. The complete silence was worrisome. Just as he was about to apologize profusely and return her to the seat beside him she started giggling again and he let out his breath in relief. So, she wasn't angry. Thank God she wasn't angry at him. He decided that he was doing fine now, and he took her renewed laughter as a sign that she was willing to play along with him here. And he **so** wanted to play. In fact he'd been itching to do this since Anya had brought it up the other night at the party. He just hadn't thought he'd have the nerve to try it. Not yet. But a situation had presented itself, and now here they were.

"**That **how it's goin' to be then, is it?" he smirked as he landed four more solid smacks to her bottom, alternating cheeks.

"Okay okay okay!" she laughingly cried out as the spanks came down hard. "No more, that hurts! I'm sorry ... I'm sorry I laughed at you." She was laughing but she meant it all the same -- he spanked hard. She fought for better control of her giggling, and hoped he'd let her up now.

"Yeah?" he considered her ass for a moment. It was a very nice one, and his hand dropped down softly to caress it.

Mmmmm, Buffy sighed. Now that was different, and the mood had certainly taken a turn around an interesting bend. Buffy's helpless levity quieted to a subdued good humor with an undercurrent of arousal. She tried to suppress the little moan his hands drew from her, but Spike heard it all the same. 

_So, Baby likes to play, _he grinned to himself.

"There's a good girl, then," he stroked her soothingly and then released her from his hold. She was having difficulty getting up from her new position, so he helped her rise from his lap and move over to sit beside him.

Once seated again, she stared calmly into his eyes, and he saw what he had hoped to see there -- a deep and gentle humor reflected back to him, with a touch of something else he recognized as well. Lust. That was a relief ... and something to put in the file for later.

"Yeah. I'm sorry," she reached up to smooth down an unruly curl above his right ear. "Sorry about laughing at you when you were being so good to me. You're always so good to me." She lifted her eyes to meet his and smiled cheekily. "But not about the rest of it."

His eyebrows rose at that last comment, and he leered down at her. "That so?" he asked with a sexy grin. "I'll have to keep that in mind, luv."

She just smiled sweetly and pulled him in for a solid hug, whispering in his ear, "Let's go somewhere and get dry and celebrate my new found freedom from cheesy drug awareness films and sleazy druggie losers."

"I know just the place." He smiled down at her and planted a soft kiss on her lips. Satisfied with the smile she gave him in return, he started up the engine and headed out for their date.

xxxxxx

There you go. I hope you all liked it and please please leave a review if you can. I really appreciate each and every one.

Sara


	26. Chapter 65

The Song Remains the Same

by Sara M

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Author's Note: I'm sorry this took so long but I've had some serious issues in my personal life and simply could not bring myself to write for a little bit. I needed to veg some, and spent most of my time reading instead. A lot of you guys are writing some great stories, by the way. It's been great reading them all in my time of 'need', quite therapeutic. Anyway, here we are again, back to that unsettling rainy night in January.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**Chapter Sixty-Five**  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Understanding**_

The rain let up just as Spike pulled the car into his driveway and led Buffy inside.

He explained that the house was theirs alone this evening, Giles and Jenny having gone to the university for some lecture on the latest archaeological discoveries as they related to ancient Mesopotamian burial rituals. Buffy thought Giles' hobbies were exceedingly strange but kept her opinion to herself and focused instead on the fact that she was alone in the house with her new boyfriend. They had never been alone in a house together before, and she found it was a little intimidating. Especially when she considered what had just happened in the car, and that now he had led her upstairs to hang out in his bedroom while he quickly showered and changed clothes.

This was her first peek at Spike's inner sanctuary, and Buffy decided some respectful snooping was in order. She could hear the shower running, so she thought she'd have fair warning when he was coming back.

The first thing she noted was that he'd painted the far wall black and the near one gray. The two remaining walls to each side were in what appeared to be the same off-white as was in the hallway. The only windows were on the black wall, and even the shutters were painted black. The carpet was a combination black and gray pile, at least from what she could see of it beneath the discarded clothes, books, and CDs spread about. Centered against the far wall between the double-sash windows there stood a double bed with a brushed steel post frame headboard and footboard. The bed was unmade, and the sheets and bedspread were a deep blood red; the blanket was black. Buffy didn't know anyone who had a black blanket on their bed. Of course she also didn't know anyone who had red sheets. She wasn't sure whether it was a look she'd want to live with, but she did think it was an interesting look for a room. And it did fit him.

He didn't have posters of popular music groups tacked to his walls like Xander did; instead he had some professionally framed posters from very old movies. And these weren't any regular movies she'd heard about either.

_'A Bucket of Blood'_ - a 1959 beatnik horror-comedy movie  
_'Not of This Earth'_ - a 1957 space alien flick  
_'The Wild Angels'_ - a 1966 outlaw biker film

Frowning, she shook her head in puzzlement. She really didn't 'get' old movies, and these looked like really bad old movies. What on earth was Spike into? The larger, biker poster was above the bed; the other two hung side by side on the grey wall opposite, with a bookcase and cluttered study desk situated beneath them. There were quite a lot of books - school books, various current and classic fiction, and poetry. Some of the books were quite old, and others obviously of recent purchase. She recognized some titles, wondered at others.

A closet was on the right side of the room, along with a small entertainment center -- TV and stereo systems and a rather large CD and DVD collection shelved beside it. A big bean bag chair sat before the TV/stereo area. Black, of course.

A long low dresser sat on the left wall. Above the dresser was a large cork board with photos, notes, calendar, and concert flyers tacked to it. She looked at the calendar, and smiled to see the days for their various dates had been written in and circled in red. Being someone's 'red circle date' on their calendar gave her a warm fuzzy feeling. Spike thought her worth a red circle. She shifted her gaze to the right and froze in surprise, although she immediately realized surprise wasn't the right reaction to this sight. Pinned there were a few pictures cut from magazines; they were of scantily clad women. No, check that. **Naked** women.

_At least they all have blonde hair, _she mused. _Some of them aren't natural blondes, either._ After all, if he was picking out pictures it would be distressing to find he selected girls who had nothing at all in common with her looks. Of course, she didn't really look like these women, with the long legs and big breasts and the tiny little waists and... She decided not to go there any more. All boys had fantasies, she knew that. It didn't mean anything at all. Not a thing. Nosiree, she wasn't upset by this **at all**. 

She took a moment to examine the photos he displayed - Willow, Xander, Oz, and other kids she didn't know featured in many of them. There was one candid photo of Giles and Jenny at what looked like some museum. Another of them at a monster truck rally. She laughed. Giles looked like he'd rather be anywhere else, but Jenny clearly was having a good time. Here was a man and woman and a little boy on a Christmas morning -- Spike with his parents. It was an old picture, and the only one of that couple or of younger Spike. He looked like such a sweet little boy, curly brown hair flopping in his eyes, all smiles amid his presents. The older couple seemed distant somehow, as though they were in the picture in body only, their spirits far away from that happy holiday scene. Did Spike see that distance when he looked at this photo? Or was it a happy childhood memory that he kept close to his heart? Either way she ached for his loss. She knew what it was to realize that the happy family the world saw was not actually real. All smoke and mirrors...

She moved away with a sigh, back to the movie posters hanging above the desk. Buffy studied them carefully, trying to find whatever it was Spike saw in them.

"Do you like what you see?" 

Startled, Buffy turned to watch Spike walk over to his closet, clad only in a pair of black jeans. The boy had an amazing chest, he truly did. And great arms. And that sexy 'v' of light brown hair that traveled south down below his belt. Oh yes. She watched as he pulled a black t-shirt over his head. Her mouth suddenly dry, she nodded mutely.

When Spike's head emerged through the neck of the shirt all he saw was Buffy staring silently at him.

He nodded to the wall behind her. "I asked if you liked the posters?"

"What? Oh...Yeah," she stammered. She thought he'd meant...well, she wasn't thinking posters just now. She was glad he missed that whole staring-nodding thing she'd been doing. That was embarrassing. She nodded cheerfully in answer to his real question. "They're interesting ... Different ... Great even."

Spike scrunched his forehead and shot her a skeptical glance as he sat on the bean bag to lace up his boots. "Uh huh," he rumbled "**Great** even."

Buffy realized she was busted. "Okay, you got me. I have no idea. They look ... really ... **bad**." She sat on his desk chair and offered him a shrug and a little apologetic smile.

Spike chuckled as he rose and walked over to stand before Buffy, taking her hand and bringing her up and around to look with him at the posters behind her.

"These are all Roger Corman films," he explained happily. "And before you ask, Corman was a very famous director and producer of some of the best and the worst 'B' movies made in the last century. You know he discovered Martin Scorsese, Robert DeNiro and Jack Nicholson? He made hundreds of movies fast and cheap but he had a real talent just the same.

"I've got a few of them on DVD here -- I'll have to show 'em to you some time. I can't promise you'll love 'em like I do, but you might find 'em interestin'. I wouldn't reach for 'great', though. 'Great' might be a bit of a stretch there, if you're not a fan of the genre."

"_Bucket of Blood_?" Buffy asked skeptically. "_'You'll be sick sick sick sick ... from laughing.'_" she read the poster. But there was all this blood pouring down the side of it. "But it looks kinda gross." She was totally interested in what he had to say about the film, of course. The fact that he was standing right behind her, his hands around her waist and his mouth speaking into her left ear had nothing to do with her sudden interest in that poster. Not at all.

"Well, on the surface it's a horror movie and it's a comedy," he warmed to his subject. "And it's done quick and on the cheap and you can really tell. But it's so much more than just a weird 'B' horror movie, it's really got a much deeper message. Below the obvious surface of it, it says something about the definition of art, and how it can get distorted by popular culture and hypocrisy. It's about how people long to fit in to the society they find themselves in, and suspend their own judgment to that of the group around them, the group they want to accept them. It's about the consequences of giving in to that, to the temptation to conform that way."

"How did you learn all this? I've never even heard of it." She was all melty in his arms, trying to pay attention to what was obviously a big subject for him, but distracted by his warmth and the smell of his freshly washed hair. He felt and smelled so good...

"A friend back home used to take me to these old movie retrospectives they'd have at the university nearby. I didn't have a lot of friends, I was all nerdy and bookish and scared of my own shadow back then. These movies were an escape from all that. The kids who'd make my life miserable never went to these films, it was just mine alone, me and my friend. I learned everything I could about them, it was like it was my own world; no parents, no teachers, no popular kids to worry about there.

"When I was fourteen my parents split up and decided I didn't really fit in with either of their plans for their new and improved lives apart. Giles took me in, gave me a home here. It was terrifying, flying half way round the world, leaving all I knew behind. I had no real hope things would be better here, and I'd left the only friend I had back in England." He smiled wistfully at the memory. "Imagine the shock, when Jenny brought me up to my room, to see these three posters framed like this, hanging in my new bedroom..."

She turned to find herself standing in his embrace and caught her breath at his closeness. "They knew," she whispered.

"Yeah. They knew. They'd been to visit us earlier that year, and they remembered me talking about Corman and these old films. My mum and dad couldn't have told you a thing about me, they were too caught up in their own lives. But Giles and Jenny, they saw me, they remembered me ... They wanted me to feel at home here." He cleared his throat, which had become thick with emotion. He looked down into her upturned face, and wrapped his arms around her with a gentle squeeze. "We can watch it some time. If you want to."

"Sounds--," she whispered, clearing her throat to try again, "like fun." 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she breathed. It was nice to be so close in his arms, with him looking down at her the way he was. His pupils dilated, the blue in his eyes darkening with the intensity she knew they were both feeling right now. She wondered what color her eyes were right now, if they were darkened, too... 

With a start she came to herself, realized she wasn't ready to be feeling like this in his bedroom, alone, with no adults in the house. It was dangerous, to be so close, so overwhelmed by the intensity of the pull she felt when she was in his arms.

"Um, we should probably..."

"Go."

"Right."

"Right."

Neither moved for a few moments, but then as though on some silent cue only they could hear they reluctantly broke apart. With a decisive nod, Spike stepped back and grabbed his coat off the bed with one hand, and reached his other back to grasp Buffy's.

"Let's get this evenin' started," he declared forcefully as he led them out, back into the night, and on to less dangerous ground.

xxxxxx

Of all the places Buffy considered that Spike might take her this was certainly unexpected. In fact, she had half-expected him to take her to some out of the way place where no one would see them. Still stinging from the fear that he was hiding her from the world she was pleasantly surprised when he pulled in front of a pub located right in the middle of the beachside shopping and entertainment strip. _'The Wild Boar'_.

Inside, Spike seemed to know everyone who worked there and a few people eating there as well. He introduced her with a smile as his girlfriend, and everyone was very nice. She didn't notice the sly smiles they gave each other when her back was turned, but Spike did. He had been afraid of this, his reputation was in the back of his mind wherever they went, whenever he saw anyone he knew. He had hoped he would be able to protect her from this, but it was becoming more and more apparent that he wasn't going to be able to do it. He knew Willow had told her his history, and that he too had made mention of his less than savory past. But it was another thing entirely to have to deal with it, everyday, in the flesh. Better to prepare her then, and try to make it as clear as possible to the rest of them that she was not just another girl to him. He just wasn't sure how to do that, exactly.

"Well well well!" a man appeared at their table suddenly, smiling broadly and clapping Spike on the shoulder. "Glad to see you here, mate," he looked from Spike to Buffy, and gave her a long appraising look. "And aren't you a little beauty? I don't believe we've met..."

Spike narrowed his eyes and considered Doyle for a moment. Doyle had never been so blatant in his assessment of one of Spike's dates before; he could not understand why the pub owner thought he could take such liberties this time, but he was going to put a stop to it now.

"This is Buffy Summers," he reached across the table and took her hand in his, "my girlfriend. Buffy, this is Alan Doyle, a friend of my family and the owner of this place."

Doyle noted the challenge in Spike's eyes and the possessive way he held on to the girl, and he backed off immediately. Teasing and flirting were not going to go over well tonight, not with this girl. He didn't know what that meant, but he'd respect it all the same. She acknowledged the introduction and offered her hand to him. He shook it and quickly withdrew to pull an order book from his apron pocket.

"Glad to meet you, lass," he nodded with a smile. "Can I get you anythin' from the bar tonight?"

Spike relaxed a bit now that Doyle had clearly gotten the message. They ordered sodas and Doyle took their food order back to their waiter for them as well. Once the drinks arrived they sat in comfortable silence for a space, listening to the music pouring from the speakers, lost in their own thoughts for a bit.

Buffy wasn't sure what that whole thing with Doyle was about, but it made her nervous and she thought Spike was as well. Before she could explore that subject their food arrived and they moved on to other less troublesome topics as they enjoyed their meal together. In honor of her 'graduation' Spike ordered them both cake.

The rain had started up again as they left the pub and they raced to the warmth of his car. This time he remained upright and they managed to keep relatively dry.

Just as Buffy was going to ask where they were headed next, Spike put the car in gear and told her to hold on, the evening wasn't over just yet. 

xxxxxxx

Parked at a turnout overlooking the ocean, they sat together in comfortable silence watching the rain beat down upon the car and the waves crash along the shore nearby. The radio played softly in the background, a selection of quiet peaceful songs, some romantic, some simply sad.

It was so peaceful tonight, Buffy thought she could drift away in the cloud of his arms forever here. She never wanted this particular moment to end...

"Happy tonight, luv?" he leaned down a bit and whispered into her ear.

"Mmmmm," she turned slightly in his embrace, meeting his lips in a gentle kiss. The kiss intensified somewhat and Buffy turned more fully into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and giving herself fully over to the magic of his lips and hands.

Spike loved her like this, and wanted to continue on but he had something he needed to say to her and he couldn't allow them to get sidetracked tonight. He'd waited long enough, and it was time. He was putting himself out there tonight, and he hoped he wasn't making a mistake, but he had to get this done. He promised himself it would be tonight, and tonight it was going to be.

Pulling back a bit, he reached out and smoothed her hair back behind her ears, leaving his hands on her shoulders as he settled himself down and made himself say what he needed to say.

"I suppose you've heard there's a dance comin' up. Winter Formal, it is, and it's on February fifth this year. Gettin' kinda close."

Buffy held her breath as she nodded at this change of direction. Was this the invitation she had been so hoping for? All signs said yes, but something in his careful manner gave her pause. He didn't sound like he expected this to go well tonight. Maybe this was the part where he told her he was taking someone else? Someone he'd asked before he knew her?

"I've been thinking about the dance, and I'm not sure what to do about it yet," he looked down as he played with a lock of her hair. "I wanted to ask you to the dance, but ..."

"But?" 

He looked up sharply, alarmed at the fear in her voice. He hadn't meant to torture her with this, he was just hesitant --

"Oh, I'd love to go to the dance with you, luv, truly," he reassured her quickly. "And I've wanted to ask you, I have. But," he hesitated again. "the dance is only a week after school starts up again, and everyone will be there. That's a lot of pressure on you, pet, the first week of school. And I know things're bound to be hard at first, when you start coming to school. There's a lot of people to get to know, people who're going to be watching you that week." He gazed at her face, wondering what she was thinking now her expression was so blank. "Watching us." He was hurting her. He didn't mean to hurt her. "Kids're mean, luv. And my reputation isn't exactly all shiny and above reproach, if you get where I'm goin' with this..."

"You don't want me to be there with you," she whispered sadly.

"No!" Alarmed, he rushed to reassure her. "I want to be there with you, of course I do! It's some of the other folks who'll be there, they might make it difficult for us, for you. I have history with these kids, luv. They expect me to be a certain way, and that'll reflect on you too. And I don't want to make that any harder than it has to be for you. Especially my ex, Drusilla. She can be very cruel, and unpredictable. I don't want you hurt, ever, but especially not the first week of school."

He reached up and cupped her face with his right hand, and was pleased to see her nuzzle into his palm in response. "I want our first dance to be happy, and for us. Not turned into some game for Drusilla and her winged monkeys to ruin." He put his whole heart into it. "I want to dance with you, in front of God and everybody, but I don't want to do that so that it turns into something else instead, some drama other people might create..."

"Are you worried about how I'll feel, or are you worried about what they'll say about you if you're there with me?"

"I would be proud to take you to the dance, Buffy. Don't ever doubt that. I just want you to know what you're gettin' yourself into if you go with me. We can wait for the next dance if you'd be more comfortable then. And I'd take you in a heartbeat."

She remained silent for a moment, staring into his eyes, weighing the truth of what he'd just said. She believed him. He wasn't hiding her for himself, he had been reluctant on her behalf. It sounded so shady, and if it had been anyone else she'd call bullshit on it all, but she didn't think he was lying about this so she made her decision. This was a serious situation, and it required a serious, unequivocal response. She straightened up and looked him full on. Solemn. Resolute.

"Ask me."

He knew what she wanted, what she meant. "Buffy, would you do me the honor of going with me to the Winter Formal?"

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Thank you for your reviews. I appreciate them all.

Sara


	27. Chapter 66

-1The Song Remains the Same

By Sara M

B/S

Rating: M

Summary: Life can be difficult when you are fifteen years old with a baby and few options. Fortunately Buffy Summers is a resourceful girl. Spuffy. All human AU in Four Parts. It's a high school fic with actual high school coming up in Parts Two thru Four. This is a _very_ long saga and _will_ be completed. NOTE : The ratings and warnings I am giving for this story do not represent the entire story - they allow for occasional forays into difficult subjects, but most chapters do not dwell there. It's not a fluffy story, but it is not unrelentingly grim. Like life, it flows among the highs and lows.

**IMPORTANT**: _Although rated M, most of the story is not at that level of content and not until much later in the story. _

Winner of 'Judge's Pick' in Round 11 of _Spuffy Awards_ and Winner of Best Fantasy Angst and Best Fantasy Author in Round 12 of the _Spuffy Awards_.

**Categories**: Dark/Angst, Dramas, Teen Scene Genres: Angst, Romance  
**Warnings**: Adult Language, Buffy/Other (past), Rape (referenced), Sexual Situations, Spike/Other (past), Violence  
**Spoilers**: none, all human AU.

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Author's Note: First, Happy New Year 2008 to all!

Second, I am so sorry I've been gone so long. If anyone is still interested in reading this story I am totally committed to writing it. It's been percolating and bubbling up in me the entire time I've not posted. And I've not posted because I was ill and could not type and also could not access the internet since August 2007. But I'm back and I have the entire four parts plotted out in detail. I will be posting a chapter at a time though because I really do want to see what the reviews say as they help me a lot and keep me going when it gets hard so I hope those who will actually still want to read this continue to review as well.

Third, for those of you who read this story at Spuffy Realm after June 2007, you missed Chapter 30 _When Worlds Collide, Part Two_ as I accidentally posted the first part of the chapter, or Chapter 29, twice. That was the chapter where Buffy and Spike first met, so that is especially unfortunate for those who missed it. I'm soooo sorry. I've fixed it now. If I hadn't had to re-post my story at Vamp Kiss I probably would never have noticed that glaring mistake. So thanks Vampire's Kiss. :-

Thanks to all and again I am so sorry for my absence.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Sixty-Six**_  
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_We Don't Need No Education…_

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_Snick……snick……snick……snick……_

Buffy flipped the hangers in her closet along the rod for what seemed like the hundredth time, but the clothes didn't seem to change.

"This used to be so easy," she muttered gloomily.

She had been trying to get dressed for the first day of school for a while now and was no closer to success. Up until now her school wardrobe had been either chosen by her mother or confined to specific uniforms which permitted only small alterations to make them stand out as her own style. She had been looking forward to the freedom of dress public school allowed, but had not realized it would come at such a price. She simply had too many choices and not enough choices, and the pressure to look perfect today was driving her slowly insane.

If she had been back home this would have been so simple. However, she was not in her father's house now and her current clothing allowance left a lot to be desired. The way she saw it she would fail miserably if she tried to compete with the girls from 'good' families since she didn't have the money any longer to pull it off. On the other hand, there was always the modified 'old money casual' route for which she could use the excellent quality shoes and accessories she already had or had acquired over the last year. Given her current financial realities she thought that could work pretty well, plus Spike seemed to like what she had been wearing so far. The decision made, she just had to figure out how exactly to put it together in an outfit today. She gazed around her at the piles of clothes on her bed and chairs and hanging on the closet doors. This was ridiculous. She had to choose something.

"How's it going in here?"

Buffy turned just in time to see John's head pop around the corner of the door she had left ajar.

"Ergh!" She plopped down on her bed in frustration. "I don't have anything to wear!!!!"

John popped an eyebrow in amusement as he carefully crossed the threshold and wandered over to where Buffy was sprawled forlornly. Clothes littered the chair and bed and filled the open drawers and closet. He never understood how women could stand in a room full of pretty clothes and pronounce that they had nothing to wear. Before she became ill Rosemary used to have the same unfathomable problem.

"Well, let's be logical, then," he reasoned. "What are you trying to do today?"

Buffy scrunched her brow and considered the question. "Make Spike proud to be with me … Not embarrass myself … Be comfortable." 

"Okay, then. Start with comfortable and then choose what's comfortable and makes you feel good but that gets you as close to the other two as you can get." He clapped his hands together and looked expectantly at his foster daughter. He had often thought that things would go so much better if women looked at things from a completely logical perspective, as men do.

"What the hell are you two doing up here?" Rosemary stood in the doorway eyeing the startled pair.

"Um…" Buffy stuttered uncertainly.

"I was just letting her know that we'll be leaving soon," John declared cheerfully. "See you downstairs, sweetheart!" he threw back over his shoulder as he whisked away and out of her room. 

Rosemary stood aside as John passed her on the way out the door, then turned her stony gaze on Buffy. " Just be ready to go in five minutes. You need to concern yourself more with what you'll be studying and less with what you'll be wearing. It's not like you have anything to be vain about. Just get dressed and go to school." 

Buffy watched Rosemary slam the door shut behind her and let out a frustrated sigh. It seemed like every time she and John were having a perfectly normal, pleasant conversation Rosemary would show up and snarl about something. She was really beginning to loathe that woman.

She finally decided on a pair of comfortable good blue jeans that she knew looked fantastic on her, along with an expensive pale pink scoop neck sweater that accentuated her curves without looking slutty. She offered a belated mental 'thank you' to Amy for her packing skills as she completed her outfit with a pair of expensive kick-ass black leather heels from her previous life and a beautiful solid silver cross necklace and her one really good watch. She wore her hair down in loose waves, the sides pulled back behind her ears with a couple of pretty silver filigree barrettes. She finished off with a light-weight black leather jacket for layering warmth, touched up her light makeup, and fled downstairs before she could change her mind once more.

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"I have some rather unfortunate news," Giles announced as he strode out of his office toward the library table where Buffy was seated. She noticed he was polishing his lenses furiously as he did so, and she thought sullenly that this didn't bode well.

"Oh God," she let out an anticipatory whine.

"No, no, not that bad," he took a seat across the table. "It has been confirmed this morning that since the swim team has been banned from swimming competitively this year the district has canceled the class. More drug testing fallout from last year that has unfortunately affected this year's team. Terrible situation, really."

Buffy waited a moment but he didn't continue. "And….?"

"And the class has been dispersed into other classes in various regular periods which has prompted some last minute shifting of a handful of other students into other periods as well. Most of the students are unaffected, of course, but I'm afraid that you have been. Affected, that is."

Buffy sat up straighter. "You mean my classes aren't my classes any more?"

"Well, Principal Snyder felt that any necessary changes should be made to those students who would have the least disruption, and since you are new here, you were a logical choice."

Buffy sat back dejectedly. This was so unfair. Everything had been set up so perfectly. "What's my new schedule?"

Giles handed over her revised class list along with a map of the school and her locker assignment. There had been a lot of shuffling and most of her classes were no longer with her friends as far as she could see.

_Great. Just what I needed to complete my fabulous look. First period PE._ Buffy grabbed her new books and bag and made her way out of the safety of the library to go search for the gym.

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She **hated** having PE first period. She'd had PE first period in eighth grade and recalled all that effort to get her hair just right going to waste every morning with hardly any time after class to get it back together again for the rest of the day. She saw a lot of loose hair and ponytails in her future.

Worse yet, apparently the cheerleading squad had first period PE as well, and she was surrounded by Harmony and her little harpies in the locker room as she dressed. In no time at all the place was invaded by a group of cheer bitches, laughing and pushing and smirking at and ignoring her by turns. It was all she could do to tamp down her rising temper when she noticed girls whispering to their friends as they stared in her direction.

"Oh look. It's _Muffy_," Harmony smiled insincerely as she sat down nearby to put on her gym shoes.

Buffy continued dressing without acknowledging the horrible girl.

"Muffy? Her name is Muffy? What kind of a name is Muffy?" chirped a girl she later knew to be April. No one said anything, so Buffy decided she'd better set her name straight at least.

With a small smile she looked over in April's direction. "Buffy." 

"Whatever," Harmony snotted. "No one _cares_." She slammed her locker closed and turned toward Buffy. "Just stay out of our way."

Buffy rolled her eyes and started tying her shoes as the cheerleaders filed noisily out to their class. "Cue winged monkeys," she muttered to herself when she was finally alone.

"Oh, you don't have to cue them," drawled a voice from around the corner.

Buffy looked up to see the owner of the voice come over and lean on a nearby locker. "They show up whether you call them or not. Unfortunately." The girl gave her a lazy smile as she looked her up and down. "I'm Darla."

Buffy rose with a smile. "Buffy Summers. I'm new this semester."

"Yes, you are," Darla's smile widened. "And you've managed to make quite an impression on Harmony. I'll bet there's a juicy story there."

Buffy wasn't sure whether Darla was actually friendly or just working for some dish on Harmony. She knew she'd better be careful what she said to anyone she met today, before she knew the lay of the land, but she was glad for what seemed to be her first friendly overture of the day.

"I'm living with Harmony's older sister right now, and I guess Harmony has a problem with that."

The two girls headed together down the hall toward the gymnasium as they talked.

Darla raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at Buffy's statement. "Living with her sister? _Please_ tell me it's a kink thing."

Buffy laughed at the thought. "Um, a world of no. I guess I didn't say that quite right. What I mean is that I'm just staying there for a while and Harmony and I have had a few run ins the last few weeks. No big."

Darla gave her a wide smile as they stopped in front of the gym doors. "Well, anything that irritates Harmony must be prolonged for as long as possible." She tilted her head toward the gym. "Going in?"

"No, I have weight training in room 406, which is …" she looked around quickly, "over there," Buffy nodded across the hall. "So…"

"So," Darla grinned and pushed through the gym doors.

Buffy watched her leave and then went into her weight training class. Well, it could be worse, she thought. At least she only had to deal with Harmony and her friends for a few minutes before class. That wasn't so bad. 

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But of course it wasn't better afterwards, since there was the after class shower and dressing and the scrutiny of even more girls who had heard about Buffy's arrival while in gym class. She almost told that Cassie girl to take a picture it'd last longer but she caught herself just in time. Camera phones in a locker room were nothing to mess around with and she didn't want to give anyone any ideas. She had no idea to what level these friends of Harmony's might sink and she decided quickly that a more neutral vaguely friendly approach would be better. It was hard to suppress it, but she refused to rise to Harmony's bait. And who knew? The other girls might not be as stupidly vapid and mean as Harmony Kendall and she didn't want to give them any ammunition to turn on her if she could help it. She was the new girl and some scrutiny was after all inevitable. She acknowledged ruefully that she might have done the same thing at her old school had positions been reversed.

She lost some of her carefully cultivated curls in the aftermath of PE, but otherwise she thought she'd come out pretty well. Next stop was her locker, which turned out to be on the ground floor hall in a side corridor of the main building and thankfully was an upper rather than a lower. A perk of being an upperclassman, she supposed. She deposited her books and put up a small mirror on the door along with a photo she and Spike had taken together on her birthday. She checked her makeup, decided she was good, slammed the door shut and turned around --

-- and found herself staring into the face of a girl she was sure she hadn't met before but still seemed vaguely familiar.

"Hi?" Buffy smiled uncertainly.

The girl stared enigmatically and said nothing. She was a very pale girl with long dark hair that she wore half-pinned up and half flowing midway down her back. She wore a floor length black a-line skirt and a fitted navy blue spaghetti-strap blouse that dipped low enough to hint at the generous bosom straining beneath and also left a strip of stomach showing between skirt and blouse. Clearly the girl had a great figure. The shoes were black half boots with a narrow heel, the button style similar to those worn at the turn of the nineteenth century. A coiled silver snake wrapped around one upper arm by way of jewelry, and she wore several thin silver pendant necklaces of varying lengths, and several rings on either hand, some with gem stones and some without. 

The overall effect was a rather pretty kind of goth look and Buffy admitted to herself that the girl looked really good. The strange girl continued staring silently at her with some subtle amusement lighting her eyes and quirking her lips.

"I'm Buffy," she tried to break the uncomfortable silence.

The girl just smiled and turned on her heel and walked down the hall and into the crowd.

"I don't think that went well, whatever that was," Buffy muttered under her breath, then consulted her map and headed off for Biology II. That one had not changed, and she was thankful that she'd see Willow and Xander at long last. This being the new kid thing sucked more than she'd thought it would. She needed friends stat.

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Willow and Xander were indeed in Biology, and relieved to see Buffy appear at the door. They had put it together when she failed to show for history and the swim team scheduling announcement had been made in homeroom. Until now they had no idea where she might have wound up. There wasn't much time to catch up, but it became quickly apparent that everyone had lab partners carried over from last semester except for Buffy and Darla. That Buffy and Darla seemed to already know each other and were friendly Willow and Xander found alarming. They considered Darla a little alarming all on her own lately, and Willow watched the two girls' easy chatter during lab with increasing unease.

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Snack period finally allowed them to all catch up at Spike's locker, and with a quick perusal of their schedules the friends realized they wouldn't see Buffy again until lunch. Spike was in both her afternoon classes though so that made up for the sucky morning somewhat. They all had different classes for third, in different directions, and Willow and Xander raced off in order to avoid being late to class.

When they were gone Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy and gave her a sound kiss right there in the hallway, much to her embarrassment and pleasure. Most of the kids lingering in the hall at the time were oblivious, but the action brought a few up short in surprise. Over her shoulder Spike glared at those who dared to stop and stare, letting them know they'd best be on their way again. Buffy was happily unaware of the gossip beginning to swirl around her.

At the far end of the hall three people watched the pair with critical interest.

"So that's the new flavor," Cordy remarked as she watched the couple chuckle over some remark Spike had just made.

"She's pretty," Angel watched intently. "I can see it."

"It won't last long," Cordy dismissed her as she and Angel turned around and headed off for their next class.

Drusilla didn't follow immediately, still watching the new couple through narrowed eyes. She had forced the dramatic breakup with Spike, that was true, and she had taken up with his friend in a total affront to that relationship as well. But she didn't share, at least not unless it was on her terms, and she still considered Spike to be hers in every sense that mattered to her. After all, she had made him what he was today. The girls Spike had been with since their breakup had been unimportant to Dru, ciphers of no consequence. But this new girl, this Buffy-person, wasn't any cipher. Dru didn't like the way Spike looked at her, the way he laughed, the way he held her.

"Dru, honey."

She turned with a smile and took the hand Angel offered her and sauntered slowly toward third period history by her handsome boyfriend's side. She might have to take action at some point, but for now she'd content herself to watch and wait.

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US History as taught by a Russian expatriate was certainly different. At least, she thought it was different, it was hard to tell since she was having difficulty understanding his thick accent. Reminded her of Illyria, actually. She wondered what Illyria was doing today, while she, Buffy, was stuck in third period US History learning about the geopolitical ramifications of … something. He was an enthusiastic teacher but she wished he'd speak a little slower.

Sadly, she shared this class with Harmony, too. From her seat in the mid-section, Buffy watched as Harmony passed notes with her friends, who in turn stared at her after they read them. It didn't take a genius to figure out who the notes were about, and Buffy worried what dirt Harmony might be spreading about her, both truth and lies. She supposed she'd find out soon enough.

_Stupid Harmony._

The strange locker girl, Buffy discovered, was none other than Spike's ex, Drusilla. Buffy realized she remembered her from that day in the mall when she first saw Spike kissing that girl. That girl had been Drusilla, and Xander was right, she was a little strange. Buffy wasn't sure what to make of her yet, but she knew she'd better watch her back with that one. She apparently had a boyfriend, the hulking hunk sitting next to her, but when he wasn't looking Dru glanced over at her with a look that Buffy couldn't quite place. It was part amusement, part scrutiny, part warning, part Buffy didn't know what. Buffy was glad Spike's breakup with Drusilla had been so spectacularly explosive and final. She didn't even know how she'd begin to compete with a girl like this.

Also in the class were cheerleading friends of Harmony's - Chelsea and Cordelia. They weren't overly friendly toward Buffy but then they both seemed rather annoyed by Harmony's chatter after a while, until Cordy finally whispered to Harmony to shut it. Buffy hoped that was a good sign.

The bell rang and Buffy suddenly realized she had no idea what the homework was. With a frustrated sigh she started to put her notepad away as Chelsea walked past her on her way out. Startled, Buffy realized that the others had wandered on while Chelsea lagged behind and stopped at her desk.

"Hi Buffy," she began hesitantly. "I saw you in the locker room this morning. I'm Chelsea."

"Hi," Buffy smiled at the girl, still unsure whether this was really a friendly greeting or a set up of some kind. She was, after all, friends with Harmony and Drusilla. 

"Mr Ivanovich is a little hard to understand at first, don't worry it gets easier." Chelsea handed Buffy a page of note paper from her own binder. "Chapter 21, pages 321 through 347. He always tells us to have it read in two days but it never means two days. Usually four. He gets all caught up with extra stories and explanations so things always go slower than he thinks they will. He never seems to catch up with himself."

Buffy took the proffered page gratefully. "I'll remember that. Thank you." 

The room was beginning to fill with the next class as they started to walk out. Chelsea turned to Buffy suddenly, said goodbye and hurried off down the hall way.

_Probably not willing to be seen fraternizing with the new girl,_ Buffy considered as she watched her walk away. She decided she'd ask her friends whether the scoop on Mr Ivanovich was true or not. She thought Chelsea was being honestly helpful, but she also didn't think she should take any chances.

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The others had PE while Buffy suffered through Algebra II with Cordy, locker-room April, and April's boyfriend Riley. April talked a lot, while Riley half-listened and half-talked to his friend Graham on the other side of him. At one point Cordy gave April a look as though she'd like to freeze April in mid-sentence and oh wondrous thing, April stopped speaking immediately and turned to her textbook.

_Now that,_ Buffy thought, _is interesting._

Buffy recalled that Chelsea and Harmony had seemed to defer to Cordy last period as well. Clearly Cordelia Chase held the power, in that circle at least. Harmony liked to act like she was queen bee, but apparently it was Cordy who reigned over this group.

_I think I just solved for X,_ Buffy thought with amusement. _Who says you can't use algebra in the real world?_

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"Why are we eating in the cafeteria today? You know, in case it comes up when I write my memoirs."

"For your memoirs? Because we are observers of the human condition and what better place to observe man being utterly and irredeemably himself than in a crowded high school cafeteria," was the dry response. "Truth? Because my lovely girlfriend needs to observe, for posterity's sake only, you understand, the newest girl that Spike Rayne has packed among the many that he will carry forever as relationship detritus among all his other baggage."

"He's gonna make someone a terrific fourth husband someday," Scott agreed.

"You think I'd miss watching my ex get pissed off watching his skanky ho girlfriend ignoring **him** while **she** watches **Spike** dote on his latest toy girl? **Please**," Darla smirked.

Penn turned to Scott. "Darla always was a romantic."

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Buffy tried to console herself with the idea that she'd be undergoing this kind of scrutiny even if she'd returned to her school in New York after Katie's birth. Being the new girl came with these kinds of problems, she knew, but it was only lunch and she had already had enough of both curious and openly hostile stares. And smirking. Way too much smirking for her comfort. No one had ever smirked at her like this before. Spike had warned her but living through today was much tougher than she'd realized it would be. She caught Drusilla staring at her again from across the cafeteria.

"Is it too late to switch to home schooling?" she turned to Spike. "All the really cool people are doing it nowadays."

"Aw, c'mere, pet," he pulled her in for a one armed hug and kissed the top of her head.

"It's just the first day, Buffy, it'll get better once people have something else to focus on. You're big news for a little town high school like this," Willow offered kindly.

"Then they need to get out more," Buffy grumbled as she piled her leftovers on her tray.

"C'mon," Spike rose and led Buffy away. "I know just the thing."

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This day continues in the next chapter. I'm setting school up but won't be dwelling in as much detail as this for subsequent school days. Hope you're still with me. Much not-school to come. J

Sara


	28. Chapter 67

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Author's Note: Thank you guys so much for your reviews. I appreciate them very much and am really glad to be back.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Sixty-Seven**_  
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_We Don't Need No Thought Control_

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Ah, finally the upside of the school day: being able to spend so much non-date time with Spike. Totally worth it.

Buffy leaned comfortably into Spike's side as they sat together against a tree in a little area off the library. It was beyond the end of the curved walkway so no other students wandered by there and although it wasn't really private it was, by this late part of the lunch period, secluded enough to offer some small respite from the constant stares and questioning glances of other students. It was just the place Buffy needed to regroup.

"I'm so sorry, luv," Spike whispered.

"I just didn't know it'd be this hard."

"Yeah."

"It's more than me just being new, you know?"

He gave her a one-armed shoulder squeeze by way of support, and sighed. Yeah, he knew.

"Harmony is passing notes about me in class and all her friends are staring at me like I've got some disease or something," she continued bitterly. 

Spike shook his head as he envisioned what he'd like to do to Harmony.

"And then there's Drusilla."

Spike was still as the dead. "Drusilla?"

Buffy half turned in his arms and looked up to see that Spike had closed off suddenly, as though waiting for some long-expected blow. She wished she knew what he was thinking, but wasn't brave enough to ask the question. Instead, she chose to tell him about her meeting with his strange ex. 

Spike listened to Buffy describe her first meeting with Drusilla and the subsequent observations in class and the cafeteria with increasing distress. Dru had never paid the slightest attention to any of his prior girlfriends and conquests and Spike had been under the impression that she had no interest in the fact that he had moved on. He didn't know why Dru would confront Buffy like that but he didn't trust her in the slightest. The situation bore watching, but he didn't want to alarm Buffy by saying so.

"Be better to ignore her for now, pet," he advised. "She likes to play games with people's heads and no doubt she'd heard about us and decided to see if she could shake you up a bit. She'll tire of playing and move on quickly." He hoped.

Buffy nodded and was about to respond when the bell rang for fifth period. If Spike wasn't worried she'd take his advice and try to put the strange girl out of her mind for now.

As the pair walked side by side to the first class they shared together, Spike's mind was spinning. Harmony was annoying and abrasive and had the potential of causing some trouble but was otherwise harmless. Drusilla, however, was cunning and wicked and could pose a far greater threat if she chose to turn her sights on Buffy. He'd have to make sure that didn't happen, although he didn't yet know how. 

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"I realize that in the past this class has been considered to be a fun class, an easy class, a class that requires no real preparation or study." She turned her steely gaze upon the rows of students gathered for her fifth period class. "I am here to tell you that this is _my_ class now and it will not be easy, it will not be fun, and I will work you all as hard as I see fit to do. I do not care to hear excuses, I am not interested in the intricacies of your personal lives, I have no desire to be a shoulder to cry on, and most importantly I will not be giving any extra credit for missed tests or projects, regardless of the reason given."

She leaned back against her desk and crossed her arms in front of her chest as she looked over the uneasy students before her. "The name of the class is Life and Health," she stared hard at a poor student in the second row who dipped her eyes to avoid the teacher's gaze, then considered the entire class solemnly. "Welcome to your life."

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"I don't think Dr. Walsh likes kids," Xander observed as the friends walked to their next classes.

Willow agreed soberly. "I don't think she likes anybody."

"That was supposed to be my easy class," Buffy pouted as they reached her locker.

"At least there shouldn't be any 'There there, dear, tell me all about your embarrassing personal problems,' conversations in our future," Willow noted brightly. "Mrs Garcetti used to live for that stuff."

The bell rang overhead as Buffy slammed her locker closed, and she hefted the books she'd be taking home tonight in her right arm. Spike narrowed his eyes and shook his head at her reproachfully as he reached for the heavy load. Buffy considered arguing with him that she was a strong independent woman but the books were heavy and she didn't have the energy to fight it at the moment. She'd let him do the boyfriend thing since he seemed to want to anyway. Her independence would survive to fight another day.

While Xander wandered off to Algebra I and Willow headed for Computer Science, Buffy and Spike entered their last class of the day, Creative Writing. Mr. Wesley Wyndham-Pryce was the instructor and Spike nodded solemnly to his family friend as they came into the room.

Wesley was a nervous officious young man but had a good heart and an overwhelming love of English literature and poetry. Because it was the first day of school, Officious Wesley was the one standing at the head of the class right now. He'd made an alphabetic seating chart which separated Spike and Buffy by one aisle and two rows, and then explained that they would be doing a lot of writing this semester, and that in his class both grammar and spelling would count.

Buffy gave a little whispery whine and Spike glanced back at her with an amused grin. She mock-glared right back at him and threatened him with a stabbing motion of her pencil. He just grinned wider as he turned back to face the front of the room where Wesley had stopped speaking and was frowning in their direction. Spike wiped the smile off his face and sat up straighter. He really didn't need any lectures from Wesley and Giles regarding paying attention in class, not this soon anyway. Buffy just slunk down into her seat while making a pretense of taking notes.

At least the day was almost over.

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"Now this is more like it," Buffy sighed contentedly as she settled back into the arms of her boyfriend and gazed out at some kids playing in a yard nearby. For the first time all day she felt utterly at peace with herself and the world.

Spike had driven her home after school, and the couple were parked on the street one house down from Rosemary and John's home. For awhile now they had just relaxed and quietly discussed their respective school day, both matters large and small. Spike reassured her that he was not one of the guilty swim team dopers and commiserated with her first period PE woes.

"Weight training, eh? Coach Pettit, right?"

"Yep. There are only five girls in the class and he looks like he wishes there were none."

"Well, he coaches football and teaches driver ed and math. He's kind of a throwback, born fifty years later than he thinks he should have been. Otherwise a good bloke, though," Spike explained. "Five girls? Which five?"

"Um… Me, some girl named Lisa Sweeney I think, a girl named Morris something something - it's a hyphen, I don't remember the other two but they were really buff. I mean _really_. I'm a skinny stick with no muscles next to them." Spike laughed and tried to squeeze her biceps but she elbowed him back and settled down again into his side, her head leaning into his shoulder. "Oh! And there's this total jerk named Larry in the class too. Kept leering and making all these dirty jokes about us girls working out, watching our butts, that kind of thing."

She could sense Spike tensing up but didn't want it to get all serious so she decided to play with him for a bit.

"But he's all right really. And it helps to have a big strong guy around when you need to set up the equipment and stuff, plus he's kinda cute --"

"Larry'd better not lay a hand on you --" he stopped short when he felt her shaking with suppressed laughter beside him. "Oh, I'm gonna get you, little minx!" He grabbed her with both arms and pulled her up his chest so he could kiss her silly.

She pretended to fight him for a moment then melted into his arms and lost herself to his kisses. Coming up for air again, they settled back once more to simply enjoy sitting together apart from the rest of the world. Buffy thought again that she'd never been more at peace with herself than here in his arms.

After a few minutes, Spike broke the comfortable silence.

"S'pose we should go do the homework thing." He kissed the top of her head when he heard her little whine. "Get it out of the way, yeah?"

"Yeah," Buffy grumped. She was in no hurry to go home, but Spike was right. She had some work to do and she had to get good grades or there'd be dire consequences. "Let's go do the homework thing." She disentangled herself from his arms and slid out of the car while Spike grabbed their books. She hoped against hope that no one else was home to bother them.

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"I had no idea that homework could be so much fun," Buffy smiled as she pulled back for air. "I _like_ homework."

Textbooks and notepads were spread out on the coffee table and floor, while Buffy and Spike were snuggled together on the sofa in the family room. It had been some time since any actual studying had been going on, that task having been abandoned in favor of a heated make-out session instead. By this point Buffy was happily ensconced on her boyfriend's lap while he sucked and nibbled on that spot she so loved, right below her ear, and his hands wandered purposefully beneath her sweater.

"Mmmmm…I like what I'm studyin' right now," he purred into her neck, then dove back in for another taste of her lips and tongue. As he fumbled beneath her sweater for the front clasp of her bra Buffy sat up suddenly and slid off his lap.

Startled, Spike fell back against the sofa with a "Wha--"

**slam-thunk**

"Shit!!"

While Buffy scrambled desperately to put herself back together Spike straightened the study materials that had slipped haphazardly around their feet. Within moments they were a tableau of the perfect virtuous teens, seated on the floor at opposite sides of the coffee table, studying their respective books with single-minded intensity. 

Rosemary watched them carefully as she came in through the garage and deposited her keys on the kitchen counter. She didn't for a moment believe that those two had nothing but books on their minds and she couldn't help but notice that Buffy's face looked a little flushed and that her lips had an unmistakable kiss-swollen aspect to them. Their little display of studiousness was laughably transparent.

She knew that she should be lecturing the pair and setting up more rigid boundaries regarding their activities and about being in the house alone but she had other concerns. Where other guardians of teens might be worried, Rosemary's take on things was that as long as Buffy preoccupied herself with this boy then she wouldn't have any time or interest in her husband. Rosemary had no illusions about her ability to prevent the young couple from sleeping together if they were determined to do so, and she had supplied plenty of condoms to the girl. Beyond that, her primary responsibility was to her marriage.

"Buffy," she called over as she started going through the mail left on the counter.

"Mrs. Smith. Nice to see you again." Spike offered a polite smile to Buffy's foster mother, who nodded in his direction but did not otherwise respond to his greeting.

"Hi," Buffy smiled in what she hoped was innocent sweetness.

Rosemary walked over to stand over Buffy. "A lot of homework?"

"Um, no, we're almost done actually."

"Good," Rosemary was all business. "I think it's time for William to go home now. I'm sure his parents will be waiting dinner on him." 

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"So, pet, first day all you thought it would be?"

Buffy had walked Spike out to his car to say goodnight and was loathe to see him go. They had been leaning against his car, wrapped loosely in each other's arms, for ten minutes and Spike was no closer to leaving.

"Much much better," Buffy grinned as she reached around to play with the hairs on the nape of his neck. "Best first day ever."

"Uh … what?" The girl was an absolute puzzle sometimes.

"Yeah," Buffy drawled playfully, then went on to explain. "There was drama, there was misery, there was way too much homework." She paused. "But mostly, there was you. And that put the day right over the top." She leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. "Best first day ever."

Spike grinned. "Well, I do have that effect on people," he nodded with an infuriating smirk.

She thwapped him indignantly on the chest and started to walk away. "Conceited."

He grabbed her arm and spun her back around and into his arms again for another kiss. Holding her close within the folds of his coat he became more serious. "It'll get better, you know. People's attention spans're pretty short."

"I know," she conceded. "Plus, you're there, and Willow and Xander and Oz. And there are some girls that've been kinda friendly so far. I'll be fine," she assured him as much as herself.

"Yeah." He leaned down and kissed her gently, then pulled back slightly to stare deeply into her eyes. He was falling hard and fast for this beautiful girl and he longed to tell her so but he knew it was far too soon for such declarations. He was looking forward to spending their days together now, and never before had he been so glad for school to have started up again.

He couldn't wait to see her again tomorrow.

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Buffy gathered her books together in her bag and with a sigh started to walk toward the stairs.

"Buffy."

She turned to see Rosemary standing at the sofa holding the shoes Buffy had kicked off when she got home from school. Buffy returned and took the shoes from her hands and turned to leave again.

"And Buffy?"

This was becoming tiresome. Rosemary always seemed to have some problem or other when Buffy was otherwise in a good mood. She turned and waited to hear whatever Rosemary's problem was now. "Yeah?"

"You looked very pretty today."

Startled by the unusual compliment, Buffy gave her foster mother a small smile in gratitude. "Thanks."

They stood a moment in silence, and then the moment passed. Rosemary was all business again. "Dinner's in an hour." Turning her back on Buffy, Rosemary started to rummage in the refrigerator.

Realizing that she had just been dismissed, Buffy continued upstairs to her room. 

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_Meanwhile, In a Home (not so) Far Far Away…_

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"I can't _believe_ that little bitch has the right--"

"Shh…not in front of the baby. You're scaring her," he tried to soothe his wife's temper.

In her high chair, the little girl chewed on an apple slice and watched with huge eyes as the big man and the woman talked furiously over their own dinners. They had been arguing since the blonde lady left half an hour ago and the little girl was quite confused. Usually her home was very very quiet. Tonight it was loud and scary.

The woman sat back in her chair and took several deep calming breaths. "You're right. I'm sorry. But what Pat said just makes me so mad!"

"I know," the big man nodded sympathetically. "But it's not like it's the end of the world. Lots of babies grow up without it. I did. You did. We turned out fine."

The woman glared at him. "It's not the point. Yes, I wanted to do this for Kathy, to give her every advantage in life and a leg up on the competition in pre-school and school. And I _will_ do it, too." She challenged him to contradict her, and when he remained silent she continued with more force. "But it's the idea that that … that … little _slut_ can just shut me down when I'm raising her child and trying to give her the best education we possibly can, it just infuriates me. Who is she to tell me _no_?! She can't even take care of her child, but she can just say no?!" She was getting loud again.

He shook his head in frustration. "She didn't say no. She doesn't even know yet, for Christ's sake. Pat just said she'd have to ask her and let her decide. She's the mother, she gets to make these kinds of decisions." He saw the rage rise once again in his wife's eyes and raised his palm to stop her. "Wait. Just wait. Let Pat ask her and then, if the girl says no, I will be right there with you, arguing for this. But until we hear her decision all this anger is just wasted energy."

"Don't tell me how to feel," she warned him darkly as she threw her napkin down on the table, stood, and stalked out of the kitchen.

_Well, I walked right into that one,_ he thought ruefully. He could hear the bedroom door slam and it shook the house a little bit. He looked over at the little girl who was staring quietly at him with the beginnings of tears pooling in her large blue eyes. _Damn it all!_

"C'mere, pumpkin," he smiled at the baby and rose to lift her from the chair. "Let's get you a bath, okay?" His heart melted at how she lifted her little arms to him and held tightly to his neck as he carried her to the tub. In such a short time she had twisted herself around his heart and he couldn't imagine his life before she came into it.

As they entered the bathroom he whispered into her ear, "Don't cry baby, it's gonna be all right. Daddy's gonna make it all better."

Somehow, he was gonna make sure it was. Pat would just have to make the baby's mother see how they had Kathy's best interests at heart here and let them proceed with the classes.

Who wouldn't want their baby to have a head start in their education?

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See? Two chapters! This is me, trying to rebuild the trust. Hope you liked, and please please please leave a review. They are my crack and I am their … um … I need them. Thanks. :-

As for the last part, as the mother, Buffy doesn't have custody but she still retains the legal right to make educational decisions for her child. Weird, huh? Not wrong at all, in my opinion, but it is kind of a weird law. And clearly something for which the foster parents had no expectation. More will become clearer within the context of the story.

Sara


	29. Chapter 68

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Author's Note: First, this chapter totally kicked my ass but I decided I had to post it finally so I could get on with my story. This chapter was standing in my way so I apologize if it's not what you're hoping for but I had to get it done so I could move on with the rest of the story. Second, I humbly apologize for the long gap in posting but it couldn't be helped. I became ill and then had to move and then my son has been in the hospital from early November until his release today for Christmas and it's been a whole terrible year. I wanted to post this before Christmas for you and I guess it's now or never. But things are starting to calm down and I'm feeling better and more able to concentrate on actual writing again and the story is alive and well. So here's the first of what I hope are many new chapters to come and I'm gonna seriously try to get back to my frequent updating again. If you're still with me, I'll keep up my end of the bargain. And please review if you can. Thanks to all who have reviewed and kept the home fires alive.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Sixty-Eight**_  
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_By Firelight_  
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"So he accidentally killed the landlady's cat and hid it by turning it into art." Buffy frowned as she contemplated the plot of the movie they'd just seen. "And then he started killing people and turning them into art, too. And everybody just thought he was this great sculptor all of a sudden. But they were really just _bodies_…" She looked, wide eyed, across the table to where Spike was watching her sip her hot chocolate. "_Creepy_."

He tilted his head as he smiled and, reaching across the table, wiped away a small drop of whipped cream that had perched near the corner of her mouth. "Mmmm."

If asked he honestly could not have repeated a single word that she had just said. She was sexy as hell, and that drop of cream had had him transfixed for a minute now, until he couldn't stop himself from reaching out a single moment longer.

Buffy sat mesmerized by the small action and she was suddenly drowning in his darkening eyes. She didn't know why he was suddenly gazing at her with such heat, but she found herself falling into the moment as well.

Suddenly a group of college students tumbled noisily through the café's doors and jostled for place in line near their table. Spike sighed heavily and sat back in his chair; the moment was gone. Once again they were just two kids discussing a movie they'd seen, drinking hot chocolate, keeping the conversation light.

It was their good fortune that a cult horror classics film festival was scheduled for this weekend up the coast at UC Santa Cruz. At least that was Spike's take on the evening. Buffy wasn't as certain, but she could see how thrilled Spike was to be able to drive her up there to see one of his favorites on the big screen at the campus theatre so she gamely put on an enthusiastic smile and went along with the plan. She still wasn't sure about some of the themes in the film, but in the end she did think it was fun to run off somewhere different with her boyfriend and had really enjoyed watching the old film with him tonight.

One week of classes at Sunnydale High had quickly changed her mind about socializing with her fellow students this Saturday night. Now that she knew that Spike hadn't been hiding her so much as protecting her she felt a lot better about being whisked away from the prying eyes of their classmates. Plus, in spite of Willow's attempt to help her out, she just didn't have the money to buy a proper new dress and was ashamed to show up at her first high school dance looking like a lost soul. By the end of that first week she had decided that this was much better.

"It's gettin' late." He watched her carefully. "We should call it a night, yeah?"

"Yeah." She looked down at her hands twisting the napkin in her lap, then gazed back at him with a tentative smile. "Let's go home."

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Killing the engine, Spike turned and gazed upon the sleeping girl beside him. She had fallen deeply into slumber about half an hour into their drive home and had curled herself uncomfortably into the side of the car door, her head resting against the window with nothing but a wadded up sweater for a pillow. Spike thought she looked like a little girl, all trusting and innocent. He hated waking her up, but they had arrived and the car was cooling fast now the motor was off.

"Buffy…kitten," he reached across and smoothed her hair behind one ear, letting his hand linger on her cheek a moment before continuing down to shake her arm gently. "We're home, pet. Time to get up."

Buffy stirred sleepily, and with a large yawn and a cramped mini-stretch she rose in her seat and blinked confusedly about her.

"This isn't home," she frowned.

"It's home tonight," he smiled. "Remember? Stayin' at my house tonight, luv."

The memories flooded back and fell into place. "Oh, right. Your house." She turned her body around to face Spike and gave him a little smile. "It's our night."

"Mmmm," he smirked sexily and pulled her over to sit closer to him in the car. "Yes it is." He leaned down and kissed her softly, watching as she closed her eyes and leaned into his loose embrace. It took only a moment for him to fall into the kiss himself, and he pulled her closer into the warmth of his arms and the world around them faded away. For a few glorious minutes nothing existed except that kiss. Eventually they broke for air, and Spike tightened his arms around her as he nuzzled against her neck. "Best get inside, yeah?" he breathed into her ear while peppering her neck with soft kisses.

"Uh-huh." She made no effort to move out of his arms, instead tilting her head to ease his path down her neck to her shoulders.

"Get out of the street," he mumbled as he kissed her throat on his way to the other side of her neck.

"Right…Oh!" she gasped as he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot below her left earlobe.

Reluctantly, Spike pulled away and turned to open his car door. While he rounded the car to open the door for Buffy she cooled off enough to once again let her nerves take over. By the time the cool night air hit her she was semi-panicky and trying desperately not to show it.

Giles and Jenny had gone away for the weekend to visit friends in Los Angeles so Spike had the house to himself until Sunday evening. When she thought she was going to Winter Formal Buffy had hatched a plan to spend that night at Willow's house, which is where John and Rosemary thought she was. But she was no longer going to Formal; Willow was at the dance with Oz; and Buffy wouldn't be going to Willow's tonight - she was at Spike's. It had seemed like the perfect plan and Buffy had really been looking forward to spending this time alone with her boyfriend and the adults in their lives were none the wiser.

But now, faced with the actuality of the thing, she was quite anxious. This was so different from making out in a car. This was a house with a fireplace and a sofa and yes, even a bed. _His bed. Dear God, they were going to be alone with his bed. Alone. All night. In his house. Where his bed was. _She was here for an overnight stay and he probably expected her to spend it _in his bed_.

Spike had no idea of the cartwheels his girlfriend's mind was looping through as he calmly hung their coats up and got a fire going in the fireplace for them.

Truth be told, Spike was worried about the suddenness of this overnight plan of Buffy's. Not that he minded in the least; the slow pace they had set themselves to was becoming harder and harder for him to deal with and he had never waited this long for a girl in his life. No, he was certainly ready if that was what she wanted tonight, but there was some doubt niggling at him, telling him that the girl wasn't ready for him yet. In fact, they hadn't really spoken about what they were doing tonight; Buffy had declared she wanted to spend Saturday night over at his house instead of going to Willow's and the rest remained unstated.

Spike turned from the fireplace to see that Buffy had settled down on the far end of the sofa, staring quietly into the fire he had just ignited. He was getting a weird vibe from her so he sat carefully down beside her, placing his arm around her shoulder in an attempt to offer some steady comfort and calm the girl down a bit. It didn't work.

Buffy immediately jumped up and turned on him with a big smile. "Are you thirsty? I'm thirsty," she chattered brightly. "We need drinks!"

Confused by this sudden too-cheerful outburst, Spike simply shook his head and stared at Buffy's retreating back as she hurried into the kitchen. He sat there for awhile and wondered about her sudden odd behavior and decided they needed to talk about what was making her so jumpy tonight. He had run through several scenarios for that conversation in his head when he realized that she hadn't yet come back and there was no sound from the other room. Worried, he decided to follow her.

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She was staring blankly into the open refrigerator, tears streaming down her face. Spike stood in the doorway, temporarily shocked beyond speech.

"I don't know what to choose. I don't know what to choose," she laughed, a tinge of hysteria in her voice. "I thought I knew what to do. I thought I knew what I wanted but there's too many kinds and I don't know which one I want and it's all so confusing and it's like you can have lots of choices and you have to finally make a decision and how do you know, you know? How do you know you're making the right choice or if it's the right time to choose that right one and then later you regret opening one and not the other and it all goes wrong and then you can't choose again any more because that was your choice, that was the decision you made and…and…and…" her rushed speech fizzled out and died on her lips as she covered her face with her hands and dissolved into great heaving sobs.

At last Spike kicked himself into gear and strode across the kitchen to gather her into his arms. 'Shh…shhh…it's alright, kitten, don't cry, please don't cry…"

He held her as she crumpled to the floor, clinging to him and sobbing against his chest. He sat and rocked her and gentled her with quiet gentle nonsense words, rubbing soft circles on her back. When she had cried herself out she pulled away slightly and looked up at him with such sorrow that it near broke his heart. It also confused him. Dru became hysterical at times, but her fits were more of the rageful violent variety. Buffy's breakdown was completely different, a sorrowful broken weeping that held more hurt than he could imagine. He felt completely inadequate to understand and comfort the poor girl. He prayed he hadn't been the cause of any of it.

As they sat on the floor in silence for a few minutes Buffy came to herself enough to realize that she was acting like a complete fool tonight. Whatever Spike had been expecting of her he certainly hadn't expected to be holding a sobbing child on the kitchen floor. And that was exactly how Buffy felt, like a little child who couldn't cope with having a real relationship with a real boy and she wanted to run and hide in embarrassment. He was being really nice to her, soothing her and whispering kind words to calm her tears but Buffy wasn't comforted. After all, isn't that what you'd do if faced with a crazy person in your kitchen? -- try to calm them down and then get them out of your house as soon as you could. And never call them again.

She'd really messed this up royally. She felt the tears build up again and tamped down the urge desperately. She needed to pull herself together and save her relationship. He was too important to her to let it end like this, like some little kid having a fit because she was afraid of sleeping with her boyfriend. God, could she be any more pathetic? She needed to get a grip.

With that thought Buffy pulled away from Spike's embrace and rose to her feet. Spike followed her up, staring at her in frank concern, a million questions written on his face.

"Wow, um," Buffy stuttered before pasting a silly grin on her face. "You guys have a lot of drinks in there. I guess I just really wanted a Diet Coke but you didn't have any. God, I'm such a ditz." That sounded beyond lame even to her own ears.

"Right," Spike frowned pointedly at her. "Because that wasn't _at all_ about staying here tonight."

"Of course not!" Panicked by his sudden insight and fearful of broaching that subject right now, Buffy decided on the spot to go with the offense is the best defense strategy and see where it took her. "I just wanted a coke. I was fine staying here tonight. I can't believe you'd think that!" She started to walk by him toward the living room but he wasn't having it. He grabbed her arm to stop her but she twisted out of his grasp and continued to march purposefully into the other room.

Her immediate thought was to grasp the straw of fake outrage as her out for tonight, get her coat and leave, but she immediately dismissed that plan as it would take her home to the Smith's house and she was desperate not to return there tonight. Rosemary had practically shoved her out the door when the 'staying at Willow's house' idea had been offered and although John had told her to call if she needed to come home early she knew that Rosemary would be furious if she actually did so. And Willow wouldn't be home for awhile yet so she couldn't just go there. Besides, that would mess up Willow's perfect night and she didn't want to intrude on that. No, she had to stay here even if she didn't have any idea what she was doing at the moment.

Spike had followed her to the living room and stopped at the hall archway to watch her think about what she was going to do next. She was so transparent to him, he knew she had been about to leave and he could tell when that idea was scuttled. He wasn't about to let her go but he preferred that she come to that conclusion on her own rather than have him force it on her. If he could just get her to open up to him about her thoughts about tonight then he could reassure her and they could still have a wonderful night, even if they didn't reach that level of intimacy his body was aching to complete. Was he being selfish? Possibly. But he cared about her even more, and he wanted things to be right and not forced; he wanted her to want him, too. And that didn't seem to be happening tonight.

She knew he was watching her, so she pulled herself together enough to turn and face him and gave him a good hard look back. What she saw was her boyfriend, love and concern written all over his face, standing far enough away so as not to crowd her, and she realized that she was acting like a baby still. It was so obvious that he cared for her, perhaps he even loved her although they'd never spoken those words yet. And she believed she loved him, believed that with all of her heart. She was nervous and didn't know how to act right now, but she knew she trusted this boy and she wanted to be with him tonight. She wanted to feel his arms around her and lose herself in his kisses and bask in what she thought of as his love. She hoped she hadn't ruined it all in her crazy meltdown. The way he looked at her gave her hope that she could salvage the night even yet.

Slowly she approached him where he still stood, and when she was within touching distance she smiled hesitantly and reached out a hand to touch his arm, took his hand in hers and waited to see what he would do.

He stared intently down at her, watching her approach and touch him, without responding in any way but not backing off either. He gazed at where she gently held his left hand in hers, to where she was softly rubbing circles on his palm, and flicked his gaze to her eyes which never left his face for a moment. Keeping his eyes on hers, he reached out his right hand and cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb over her cheekbone and dipping it down over her slightly parted lips. She nuzzled into his hand and closed her eyes, and he pulled her closer in for a light embrace.

Gratefully, she fell into his arms and held onto him tightly herself, resting her head against his chest. This was how she wanted it to be, safe in his arms with no thoughts about anything else. There was no 'tonight' or 'tomorrow' or 'what ifs', it was just the two of them together. Out of context, out of time. Just like always, except now they could be more comfortable, with a sofa and a fire and no interruptions, no hurries to get somewhere or avoid being spotted. She wouldn't do anything she didn't want to do and it would be okay. She believed that now. This was Spike. And he loved her. In spite of her ridiculous displays this evening, she really believed he loved her and she could trust her heart and her body with him.

Spike held her close and kissed the top of her head. "It's alright, pet," he whispered into her hair. "We'll sit and talk a bit, enjoy the fire, be happy together tonight. Nothing to worry about."

She nodded into his chest and pulled back enough to allow him to lead her over to the sofa again and sit down. She folded her body into his embrace as they sat together in silence, watching the flames flicker lazily in the fireplace, warmed by it's glow. She felt like she could stay like this forever.

He too felt completely at peace with Buffy in his arms here in his house. He knew she was nervous, that was natural. But he also knew her history and thought it went a bit deeper than that. He hoped once she calmed down she'd talk to him about her fears, open up a bit, let him help her. But if not tonight, then he'd be content to let the night end this way, with her in his arms in front of the fire, watching the flames shadow on the walls. He thought he was falling in love with this girl, and she was definitely worth waiting for.

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Hope everyone has a wonderful and Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah. Sara


	30. Chapter 69

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Author's Note: Now, I wouldn't just leave you there, would I? And if you're just catching up with me, be sure to read Chapter 68 before this one as I've posted twice in three days now. Thanks to all who reviewed, I appreciate every one of you. They mean the world to me. And my son is doing better today and was even able to eat a little bit so we're very happy to have him home with us. Your well wishes were very kind.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Sixty-Nine**_

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_Hearth…_

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They talked that night, in front of the fire, in anguished confidences and whispered professions of almost-spoken love. Although both felt it, neither risked saying the words aloud, too raw and uncertain to lower that last wall that kept their hearts safe. Somewhere deep inside they knew it was already too late, the wall had been breached and their hearts were irrevocably entwined, but they feared admitting it still.

Buffy confessed that she wasn't quite ready to make that leap fully into his bed. And Spike assured her that he understood and would happily wait for her but perhaps, if she felt safe to do so, perhaps maybe they could continue further down that road even if they stopped short of the goal, as it were. Buffy wasn't sure of all what 'further down the road but short of the goal' might consist of, and Spike smirked sexily and asserted that he would be more than happy to teach her. Whereupon she smacked him with a cushion and he retaliated by tickling her and then kissing her until she could no longer remember what the question was.

Sleeping arrangements had to be sorted, and since his bed was out of bounds Buffy suggested they sleep on the floor before the fireplace. Spike couldn't see how that was much different from sleeping together in his bed and also thought the floor would be hard and uncomfortable by comparison. But Buffy-logic won out and they spread his comforter doubled over on the floor before the hearth, got his pillows, and settled down. After some initial hesitancy they decided to remain in their street clothes and they lay down, Spike spooned behind Buffy, to watch the fire burn, with every intention of falling asleep.

Sleep! It was late and Buffy was exhausted but sleep was not an option. She lay watching the fire, hyper aware of the small circles Spike's hand was drawing on her stomach. Of his breath, ever so gentle, kissing the top of her head. Of his hard chest pressed up against her back. Of his hardness pressing against her backside. Of his deep sighs, followed by his tightening embrace. Of the further hardening of the hardness.

"You okay back there?" she whispered tentatively.

He groaned and responded huskily, "It's hard, luv."

"Apparently."

Growling, he tightened his embrace and whispered dangerously into her ear, "You teasin' me?"

She half turned in his arms and looked up at him, giggling. "I guess I kinda am. What are you gonna do about it?"

"You're playin' with fire, little girl. You're gonna get burned. I am just a man, after all," he let his hand smooth down her arm and her back, wandering restlessly, wanting more but resisting the temptation.

Buffy was determined not to have sex with Spike tonight but she was also exquisitely aroused and wanted more than a safe cuddle and good night. "I don't wanna get burned either," Shyly, she looked up at him and reached a hand out to touch his neck. "But maybe just singed… a little… 'round the edges?" She played with the hair at the nape of his neck. "Can you do that? Can you stop when it's time to stop, even if we're here?"

Spike groaned inwardly. Could he stop? If she were someone else, someone he didn't have such deep feelings for he might answer this differently. But this was Buffy, and he both wanted to protect and cherish her and bury himself inside her and never let her go. The effort in balancing these two imperatives was driving him insane. But could he, tonight, let himself get closer but no further?

"Yeah," he leaned down, touching his forehead against hers while closing his eyes. "I've got you, luv." He opened his eyes to see her watching him intently. "You'll be safe as houses."

"Good," she whispered with a little smile. "Because there's something I want to do."

"Wha? Unh!" Spike let out a strangled gasp as he felt her hand move over the front of his jeans and press against his straining erection. His arousal ratcheted up ten notches as did his shock. Buffy had never once touched him there before. His eyes flew to hers in a silent question. What he saw there was a look of wonder and a little trepidation.

"Am I hurting you?" she began to pull her hand away.

He stopped her and placed her hand back against him. "No no, not hurtin' me. Was just surprised is all," he rasped. "Love the feel of your hands on me."

Truth told Buffy was shocking herself. In the six weeks they'd been dating she hadn't once risked touching Spike in this way. She'd thought about it, wondered about it, but the idea of touching him or any man in this way was very intimidating. The porn she'd seen had been straight on sex and very fantastical and unreal to her. She couldn't really relate to it in any way. What she'd seen of Faith and Robin had been the final stages of the final act itself and she had pretty much suppressed that image as fast as possible afterwards. She'd been listening to girls talk for ages about the things they did to their boyfriends and before she was pregnant she could see herself doing things if the boy was the right one. But once she'd been violated in that way she left off thinking about it at all. She loved making out with Spike and she loved the things he did to her, the things he made her feel. But she had not been forthcoming on her own end and had been grateful that he didn't push the subject on her. She felt more comfortable now, especially after their talk tonight, and she knew it was long past time she gave a little back. She loved him, she trusted him, and she wanted him to feel good too. So she took a deep breath and started to explore him a little.

Spike looked down to where her little hand was squeezing him experimentally and held his breath waiting to see what she was going to do next. He relaxed back down onto the comforter a little, giving her room to work her hands while still holding her in a loose embrace. She settled down against his side, curled into his chest gazing downward to watch how he reacted to her ministrations.

She squeezed him again and he shut his eyes tightly and looked as though he were in pain, but now she knew better. He liked what she was doing to him and it gave her a little thrill to know she had this effect on his body. He was bigger than she had imagined and his swelling erection through his jeans startled her a bit by its sheer size. She really had had no idea; she'd been purposely tamping down thoughts about whatever was happening below his belt up until now.

She squeezed him again and smiled when she heard him groan. Holding her breath, she moved her hand up to his waistband and unbuttoned his jeans. He became very still and she could almost hear his heart beating as he waited for what she was going to do next. Careful of hurting him, she slowly lowered his zipper expecting to get better access to him through his boxers. Her eyes shot wide open when she felt him bounce into her hand unencumbered by any undergarments. She had no idea he went commando, and she was frozen by the suddenness of the contact.

"Uh, sorry 'bout that," he husked. "Shoulda mentioned that when I knew where you were goin'." He was breathing again, heavily, and his voice was strained. She hadn't moved, continuing to hold him gingerly at the place he had landed into her hand and the intimate contact was exquisite. He thought he was going to go mad waiting to see whether she would continue or withdraw. He was afraid to do anything that might prompt the latter reaction. So he waited and he watched her.

"No problem," her voice cracked a little. "Just a little surprised. Its…very hot." She looked up to see him smiling at her. "_It's_ hot, like warm hot, not…nevermind." He just smirked a little bit and she mock glared at him. "So full of yourself." She saw he was about to make some smart retort so she moved her hand to hold him tighter and he shut right back up. Ah, power! This was good.

She adjusted the position of her hand while she grasped him more firmly, then released him again so she could move her hand up his length to where the tip was swollen and some moisture had gathered. Frowning in thought she moved her thumb over the small slit, picking up the drops of liquid there as she went. She heard him moan a little and tense up, but she wasn't fooled this time and knew that wasn't any painful reaction. He liked that. So she did it again. And again. He jumped in her hand, startling her, but she held on and decided to move downward. Dipping her hand below his jeans she continued stroking downward until she reached the root of his erection, then felt lower to graze his balls.

"Unh, _yeah_," he groaned huskily as he lifted his hips slightly to increase the contact.

She looked up into his face but his head was thrown back and his eyes were screwed shut. This was better and better. She tried stroking his balls which frankly fascinated her but his jeans were blocking her access. She leaned down and pushed his pants further down his legs and noted happily that Spike was lifting his hips to aid her progress. She looked back up to see him staring breathlessly at her with hooded eyes. That look had the power to melt her into a puddle of goo and she felt it deep down in her lower belly, that intense need for him that he never failed to elicit. She was glad for it; she thought it would be sad if she had discovered that pleasuring him held no delight for her, as she had heard some girls complain. She didn't want to be one of the complainers, she wanted to want this too. And how could she not, when he looked at her this way, and when he was so generous with her in return? No, she was definitely loving this so far.

Spike was drowning in a sea of lust and desire and overwhelming love for this girl tonight. He watched as she moved her hand down his shaft and expected her to come back up to the tip once more as that was the pattern of his experience. She surprised him, though, when she continued down to caress his sacs, wrapping her hand around first one then the other, testing their weight and squeezing them lightly, then caressing them once more. He could barely breathe, it was the most intensely erotic thing anyone had ever done for him and he couldn't believe how turned on he was by the feel of her hands upon him there. It was officially his new favorite thing .

She felt his hand come down behind her neck and wind into her hair, heard his breath hitch in his throat and sensed the complete and utter attention he was giving to her exploration of his balls. She would remember this forever, the way he loved her touch there. Actually she liked the feel of him there as well, the weight of his balls and the way they moved under her hand, their velvety texture beneath his hair, the way they attached to his body and surrounded his root, it all fascinated her. But his reaction was the best of all. She loved that she could make him feel so much this way. Reluctantly she moved her hand up again to grip his cock and move up to the tip once more circling and picking up the moisture there. He was clearly enjoying this but she was stymied now. Explorations complete, she had no idea what to do next. She wanted to pleasure him but was uncertain how best to continue toward that goal.

Spike watched her hesitate and stop, disappointed that it was over so soon. She was looking at him helplessly and reached down to pull her up to his embrace once more. She pulled back though, and then he saw the question in her eyes.

"You said you'd teach me," she told him simply. "Teach me how to," she squeezed his cock lightly. "make you come."

"Oh kitten," he husked intensely. "I'd love to teach you that."

Leaning forward, he covered her hand in his and placed it on his shaft and slowly began moving over and around himself with her, setting the pace and the pressure until he thought she had the idea. He withdrew his hand and groaned while she continued to work him. She once again dipped down to play with his sac before continuing to stroke and squeeze him some more. She continued working him this way and he fell backwards and just lost himself to the feel of her hands on him, higher and higher until he was as taut as a bowstring and about to shoot off. He'd meant to warn her, grab some tissues, something, but he came suddenly shooting thick white liquid over her hand and across his stomach.

Startled, Buffy stopped a second then quickly continued stroking and squeezing him through the jerky movement of his ejaculation, watching as the fluid coated her fingers in warm liquid ropes. She was amazed that she could feel him grow even larger in her hands. When he stilled at last he lay there as though dead and she felt the semen cooling quickly on her hands. She withdrew from him and, wiping her hand on his tee shirt, lay back down beside him to process in her mind what she'd just done and see what he would do next. She'd heard some guys just rolled over and went to sleep. She was betting he wasn't one of those. Hoped; she was seriously turned on by this point and wanted to feel his hands on her tonight, too.

He lay there a moment, panting and completely boneless and sleepy, conscious of Buffy's movements beside him. He felt her clean her hands on his shirt and snuggle into his side. Before she could get too comfortable he pulled away slightly and carefully removed his soiled shirt, wiping his stomach clean with it and then throwing it into a corner and out of their way. He quickly pulled his pants back up and zipped them, hoping to ease her mind about where this was all going tonight; he didn't want her to worry that he'd jump her and ravish her now that she'd given him this gift.

Turning on his side he gathered her into his arms and bent down to give her a long sweet kiss ending with a quick peck on her nose. She was looking at him with such love and wonder that it made his heart swell. He couldn't imagine a better girlfriend and he was amazed at what she had done for him tonight, knowing how timid she had been with him previously. She smiled at him and he could see the fire ignited in her eyes, the tell tale sign of her own arousal for him. He'd have to do something about that.

He turned toward her and caught her lips in a passionate kiss while he held her and moved his hand over her breast. She was still fully clothed so he stopped to pull her sweater over her head and he was glad to see she was helping him to remove it. She unhooked her bra herself and he lowered the straps and pulled it away to toss in a pile with her sweater. He dipped his head down again and kissed her soundly, peppering kisses down her neck to the hard little tip of first one nipple and then the other. Growling, he took the one easiest to access into his mouth and suckled and nipped and laved it until Buffy was writhing beneath him.

He moved back up and took her mouth again, kissing her deeply, their tongues caressing and battling between nips and gasping breaths. He moved his hand down her body and beneath her short skirt, caressing her knee and traveling up her thigh to the juncture of her legs. He felt her spread open to him to give him better access so he stroked her center over the moistened fabric of her thong before dipping a finger behind it to touch her folds more intimately.

She gasped when she felt his touch there and moaned softly as he began to stroke her languidly as his kisses became more desperate and passionate. Suddenly he pulled his fingers away and she pouted briefly until she felt him begin to pull her thong down her legs. She lifted up to help him along and kicked it down the rest of the way off, desperate to feel his hand against her once more. He didn't disappoint. He moved up and stroked her folds again, top to bottom and back, circling and stroking and building a fire within her that she ached to see him quench.

She was so wet for him, and his fingers were quickly covered in her slick moisture, easing his way to the intimate caresses he longed to give her. He moved from her center to circle her clit for a moment, feeling the little nub swelling in anticipation of him. He stroked downwards and spread her moisture on her perineum, stopping just short of her back entrance. There was time to explore that later; she'd had enough new experiences tonight and he didn't want to spook her. He continued the long slow back and forth then when he thought she couldn't handle it anymore he dipped a long finger inside her, stroking her there as she buried her face in his shoulder and moaned prettily for him.

He'd done this before, in the car, and it never failed to astonish her how the simple entry of his finger like this could feel this amazing. Once he began stroking her inside she was lost to the sensation and her body began moving against him as though she had no control over it whatsoever. If she had any thoughts left she'd be embarrassed by her brazen reactions to his playing her body in this way but she was too far gone to care about that. She was overwhelmed by the feeling of him moving inside her and cried out when she felt him add a second finger to increase the pressure there. He was seeking to fill her but now she realized that his fingers were no match for the actual size of him and she briefly wondered what it would be like to take all of him inside herself like this, but just then he curled his fingers to press against that special spot deep within her and she lost all ability to think, she could only feel the intense pleasure he was drawing from her. He moved his thumb to circle her clit once more, while continuing to pump his fingers within her, and when he finally pressed down firmly with his thumb her body stiffened and came hard. He continued to pump and stroke her through her orgasm and only withdrew when she sank softly beside him, breathless and sated. He pulled her closer to him and she settled in his embrace, her head resting in the crook of his shoulder as she curled into his side and put her arm over his stomach to hold him to her.

Settled and sated, neither spoke for a few moments, letting their passions quiet down and sleep begin to overtake them. Right before she drifted off Buffy asked cryptically, "Set…time?" to which Spike grunted his assent. Then both were lost to the world of slumber as the fire died beside them.

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"Shit!"

Spike woke suddenly to the loud outburst and the sudden quick movements of the girl beside him on the floor. He watched her scramble for her clothes for a few moments, wondering if she was having regrets about what they'd done last night.

"Get up!!" she yelled at him desperately as she pulled her sweater over her head sans bra. "It's nine o'clock!!"

He looked at her blankly and she glared at his density. "We have to go."

_Oh! Right._ He jumped up and stopped her frantic straightening up by pulling her into his arms; he forestalled her resistance by placing a chaste kiss on her lips and then her forehead.

"S'alright, luv," he assured her. "Take your stuff to the upstairs shower and while you're doin' that I'll straighten all this out. We'll grab a couple Pop Tarts on our way out and get there as fast as we can. We shouldn't' be late by much, okay?"

She started to argue, but then realized she did have to shower after last night so she just kissed him back briefly, nodded, and raced up the stairs to shower and change.

When she came back down she saw he had cleaned up and changed also, and the living room bore no traces of their activities of the night before. He held out a can of iced coffee and a Pop Tart for her and opened the door to escort her to his car. They only had twenty minutes to make a thirty minute drive and Buffy was scared what would happen if they didn't get there on time.

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You know how insecure I am about these kinds of scenes, so if you can, please review and let me know if it worked or not. And remember, Spike is a seventeen year old boy who has been on a lusty precipice for weeks now; it's not gonna take much to get him off at this point and his lofty intentions aside, he wants her desperately. Hope your holidays were happy ones.

Sara


	31. Chapter 70

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Author's Note: This is the third update since Christmas Eve so if you haven't read chapters 68 and 69 yet please do so first. Thank you for all your kind reviews, especially for the last chapter. Sex chapters always make me nervous. Hope you like this one, I know you've all been waiting for it for a long time. Happy Holidays!

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Seventy**_

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_…and Home_

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"Here! Buffy Summers, here." She rushed breathlessly up to the receptionist's desk.

The heavy-set woman looked at her pointedly as she handed her the sign-in sheet. "You're late."

"Yeah, overslept. Sorry," she signed in and pushed the clipboard back to the older woman with a hopeful smile. "Can we go back in now?"

The woman looked past her to where Spike had walked up behind Buffy and shook her head. "He needs to sign in, too. And," she handed the clipboard back around to Spike. "She's not here yet."

"What?"

"I guess they're running late, too. They haven't called in yet but I'm sure they'll be here soon. Take a seat and wait until I call you." She took back the clipboard and turned away to answer the telephone.

Buffy turned helplessly to Spike and shrugged. He put his arm around her and led her to a far corner of the large seating area to wait together.

"Why didn't you set your watch alarm? I told you to set it. You told me you did!" she asked exasperatedly.

Spike took umbrage to the accusation. "Did not tell you that! When did I tell you that!?"

"Last night, right before we went to sleep. I asked you and you said…well you grunted, yes." She looked at him expectantly.

Spike just shook his head and smiled. "Luv, you can't ask a man anything at a time like that. Not if you want a proper answer. I don't even remember you askin' the question."

"Oh. I didn't know that," she sighed dramatically. "I guess your blood was still somewhere else, huh?"

"Come 'ere, you!" he pulled her closer to him to give her a good long kiss which she laughingly resisted for a moment then happily returned.

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Ten minutes later Buffy and Spike were busy talking and giggling, while Spike stole kisses that Buffy laughingly ducked, telling him to 'be good now'. Every once in a while he managed to seduce her into a good long proper kiss but mostly she blushed prettily while sternly telling him to behave.

So they didn't see them when they first came through the door, but Corrine and her mother saw _them_. Frowning, Corrine's mother whispered frantically in her ear, "My God, look at them! Disgusting behavior. And who is that horrible hooligan with her!?"

Ignoring her mother's scornful comments, Corrine pushed Katie's stroller ahead of her in a hurry to the front desk to sign her in. She'd seen them and she didn't at all like what she'd seen but that conversation would have to wait for later. They were late and the last thing she wanted was a confrontation in the lobby with that awful girl and her unsavory boyfriend.

The receptionist buzzed Corrine inside with Katie while Corrine's mother went to take a seat to wait for her. She looked again at the young couple at the back of the room. The girl had stopped slobbering over her boyfriend and was now watching Corrine intently as she walked Katie into the back of the center. She looked to the girl's right and found herself staring into the hard face of the young man. His eyes seemed to bore right into her and he looked quite menacing, positively dangerous. Refusing to be intimidated, she raised her head proudly and, sniffing in distaste, turned to take some knitting out of her large purse. When she looked over again the couple was gone.

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"Old bat was starin' at us," Spike grumbled into Buffy's ear as they passed through the door from the lobby.

"What old bat?" She turned to stare at him, puzzled.

"That old lady come in with the sprog, she was starin' bullets at us in there."

"I didn't see her. I was busy watching the woman with the stroller. She looked _nice_, don't you think? I think she seemed nice. They wouldn't let Katie be with someone who wasn't nice and she seemed nice. _Right?_"

He saw the raw need for reassurance shining in her eyes and smiled softly. "Yeah, she seemed like a right good woman, that one. I'm sure the little bit has a good home there." He had no idea whether that was true but Buffy needed to hear it and saying otherwise, with no actual knowledge, seemed cruel.

Buffy nodded in relief, as much to herself as to Spike, then changed tacks on him. "Never mind the old bat anyway, who cares what she thinks? My Katie's here and when she comes through the door I want you to meet her all cheerful and stuff. So _no_ scowly face, okay?" She looked at him pointedly.

"Yes ma'am." He nodded and straightened up in preparation for continuing through the second door to the room where Katie would spend the morning with them.

Buffy started to turn the knob then stopped. "Sprog?" she asked without turning around.

"Uh, the little bit," he explained self-consciously.

"Not an insult?"

"Not at all."

"Okay then." She nodded, then opened the door to the room where he would meet little Katie for the first time.

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"I wanted to just turn around and leave, pretend we'd forgotten or something," Corrine complained to her husband.

"It wasn't that bad," he tried to appease her. Sometimes Corrine and her mother overreacted to things. Surely this was one of those times.

"You didn't see them!" she ranted. "They were kissing in the waiting room, all over each other, no decorum or sense of place _whatsoever_. No wonder she got pregnant, she can't even behave herself in a public place for God's sake. And _him!_ The most disreputable hoodlum you'd ever want to meet. Bleached blond hair, long black leather coat, big heavy black boots and black jeans and black shirt - he looked like a criminal. He probably steals cars and deals drugs! He looked like the kind of guy who'd stomp someone to death if they crossed him!"

"Really? That bad?" he was trying to calm her down from her histrionic tirade but her description of this boy sounded pretty awful.

"Oh! _Drugs!_ Pat said she'd been arrested in a drug sting, there were drugs in the baby's room! I'll bet _he_ was involved in some way, he looks it."

He could see the wheels turning in her head as she paced and warmed to her theory. In Corrine's mind it was no longer conjecture, it had flipped into a matter of plain fact just that fast. He loved her, but she did make snap ironclad judgments and once her mind was made up it was the devil to get her to back down from it. She'd taken a dislike to a gardener once and no amount of reasoning with her could make her believe the man was not a Mexican gangbanger even though the man was actually a hardworking family man from Guatemala who was just trying to make ends meet and support his children. Corrine insisted on firing him.

Corrine's hasty judgment aside, however, he had to admit that the boy she was describing did sound especially troubling, as did the mother's behavior with him. That his little Kathy was being exposed to this guy was upsetting. She was such a sweet baby and she didn't deserve to be forced to spend time with her irresponsible druggy mother and her criminal boyfriend. Who knew what they might do or say in front of her? What they might do _to_ her? He shuddered to think, and then he got angry.

Corrine had stopped pacing and was frowning at him. "What?"

He stared at his wife. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking we need to report this to Pat. Maybe they should be looking at Kathy's mother and her associates a little more thoroughly."

He nodded. Yeah, they needed to do whatever it took to make sure Kathy was kept safe and in a good home. She was safe and loved right where she was. It would be very wrong if they let that girl have that gentle baby back again. Her mother could continue on the path she had chosen, probably into the penitentiary some day. But Kathy needed to stay right where she was.

With them.

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Watching her with Katie was a revelation.

She smiled and laughed and sang and cuddled and played baby games and read baby stories and rocked her and fed her and was just completely, joyously, a mommy. It totally blew him away. He was almost ashamed of the things they had done together the night before. It was hard to reconcile this beatific maternal being with the lusty girl who'd given him a hand job last night. He was spun.

Truthfully, when he first heard about Katie she was just the kid some bastard had got on Buffy against her will. She wasn't real to him, she was a problem that resulted from an attack on his girl. He didn't have any experience with babies and small children and he didn't feel any warm fuzzies when he thought about meeting her. He was meeting her because it was important to Buffy and the baby was around whether he wanted her there or not. She was a package deal that came with the girl he loved so he'd have to handle the situation the best he could. That was how he'd thought of her these last six weeks.

But a woman had entered that room carrying this adorable little girl with two little blond pigtails on top of her head, wearing a little pink dress and clunky white shoes and he watched as his girlfriend melted into motherly goo. The transformation was nothing less than astonishing. The baby shouted when she saw her and reached her chubby hands for her, trying desperately to get out of the woman's arms and into her mother's. He watched Buffy check her over and hug her and sing song nonsense words to her and just generally go ga-ga over the little girl in her arms and he might as well have been a piece of the furniture for the first few minutes.

Once Buffy had settled down a little bit she turned the baby to look toward him and whispered in her ear, "Look! Look who came to meet you!" And his girl looked up to him with a smile that would make the sun turn away in shame and he thought he'd never seen her more beautiful. She glowed from within with a happiness that was palpable. Yeah, he was in love. And he was also suddenly terrified that he was going to get this all wrong, that the baby wouldn't like him, that he'd do something boneheaded to make Buffy mad or he'd show his complete and utter lack of fatherly skills and she'd realize he wasn't the one for her, that she needed to look elsewhere for a better man for her daughter.

In the space of five minutes he'd gone from feeling nothing about Katie to realizing that Katie was the most important person in his girl's life and he'd better get this right. He'd never been more nervous.

"She doesn't bite," Buffy grinned at him. He looked so stricken when faced with a baby, it was hard to understand why he was so nervous. "She's gonna love you, you know. She's her mommy's girl," Buffy stopped wide-eyed and then hurried on, hoping he hadn't noticed her slip. "Get that doll - right there - and come hand it to her. She likes that doll, you'll be friends in no time!"

"Uh, okay," he hesitated briefly, not sure he'd heard her correctly. Did she say she loved him? No, it was just poor choice of wording, she didn't mean to say that. And now the moment had passed and he thought he'd better get going or he was going to mess this whole meeting thing up for sure. He grabbed a particularly odd looking baby doll from the chair next to him and, kneeling down before mother and child, gingerly offered it to the baby girl. Relief flooded him when she took it from his hands and started turning it over and over in her fat little arms, waving it and shouting baby words in her excitement.

He smiled at her and reached out a hand to smooth a golden wisp of hair away from her forehead. "Glad to meet you, little bit," he bent lower to try to make eye contact. The baby looked at him a second then pasted herself into her mother's chest, burying her head against her neck. Just as Spike thought he'd done something wrong Katie turned her face just enough to look at him and when she saw him watching her she bucked against her mother with a giggle and buried her head on her neck again. Spike got down and sat cross legged in front of Buffy while he continued to watch the baby, and Katie stole a glance again then buried her head against Buffy, laughing harder this time. He seemed to be the focus of some secret baby joke.

After the fourth time she did it Spike decided that they were playing some kind of a baby version of hide and seek, except the baby seemed to think she was hiding when she turned her head and was surprised and delighted when she found him still sitting there smiling at her. He never thought he'd say this but he was having fun playing this little game with her. He was amazed that he was finding that the baby was every bit as enchanting as her mother.

Speaking of which, her mother was having as much fun as Katie was in the game, and could not wipe that silly grin off her own face. She hadn't really considered that this meeting would go any way other than great but had had sudden doubts when she saw how nervous and standoffish Spike had become when they entered the visiting room. She hadn't really thought that he might not like kids or want to be around them, but seeing how nervy and solemn he was being shot fear through her. He was so perfect for her, how could he not be perfect for her baby, too? He just had to be.

But now he seemed to have lightened up a bit and was playing this silly hide and seek baby game with Katie and she thought he was having fun doing so. And her heart swelled. Katie was warming up to him and had started a game of 'here's my doll - give me my doll - here's my doll' ad nauseum which was something Buffy had noticed she liked to do until you wanted to pull your hair out. And Spike was playing right along with her, laughing and pretending to hide the doll for a second then producing it with a flourish and handing it back to her and it just could not be going better.

After lunch Katie let Spike hold her as he sat rocking her in the chair, reading from a story book to her as she drifted off to sleep. Buffy watched the little domestic scene from where she sat cross legged in the opposite easy chair and wondered at how right this all felt today, this whole weekend, really. She had Spike to love and he and Katie seemed to really like each other and he was just so adorable sitting there reading a story about a princess and a dragon, complete with character voices and mild sound effects. She didn't have the heart to tell him that the baby's eyes had closed a good five minutes ago. If she had her way this visit would never end.

For a few hours it felt like a real family.

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I understand where they're coming from, but I kinda hate Corrine and her mother too. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Sara


	32. Chapter 71

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Author's Note: Thank you once again for all your reviews. I'm glad so many people are still interested in following my story. I was afraid I'd lose most of you with the long wait and all. So here I am, continuing with the updates. I'm updating as much as I can to help make up for the long desert of nothing I left you with last time. Plus, it's Christmas. And thank you to the well wishers - my son is much better, thanks, and is eating more solid food so we're quite relieved. He had major stomach surgery (complication from a surgery when he was a baby) and it was pretty awful for a couple of months but he seems to be on the mend finally.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Seventy-One**_

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_Intermission_

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"It was awful, Willow," Buffy stabbed angrily at her salad. "I mean, they bought the _entire_ 'staying at Willow's all weekend' deal but they are _grounding_ me because I didn't come home when I decided not to go to the dance. Can you believe it?" She looked at Willow in astonishment. "_That's_ their problem!" She stabbed a tomato and watched in satisfaction as it smushed red juice. "Stupid Harmony."

Willow sat in the high school cafeteria watching her friend murder an innocent salad in proxy of a certain blonde bimbo who had spilled the beans to her older sister about Buffy's no-show at the dance on Saturday. Since Buffy had let her foster parents think she was at the dance this news proved to be a bit of a problem.

"Well, at least they don't know about the Spike thing," Willow commiserated. "They still think you were alone at my house watching movies until I came home."

"Yeah, there's that."

Willow leaned forward eagerly. "Sooooo, how _was_ the Spike thing?" She stopped and went back over what she just said and corrected herself quickly. "I didn't mean 'Spike's thing', I meant seeing Spike, um, well not 'seeing Spike' so much as --"

"It's okay, Willow," Buffy stopped her friend's frantic rambling badness. Blushing, she glanced sideways down the table to where Spike and Xander were having a heated argument over the merits of some band or other, then leaned forward for more privacy. "Great," she whispered happily. "We talked about all kinds of things on Saturday and then did some stuff," she ducked her head, embarrassed. "Not _all_ the stuff, just some _more_ stuff. You know?"

Willow nodded excitedly, "_Yeah?_"

"Yeah," Buffy glowed. "Then we saw Katie the next day and he was _so_ adorable with her, Willow. And she really seemed to like him, too." She gazed off in happy memory.

"Aw, that's so sweet. Spike the daddy. I always thought he'd be a good dad," Willow nodded sagely. "Um… uh… earth to Buffy…"

Buffy came back to herself and let the happy memories go. "You think? Yeah, he would. Right?" She was almost afraid to let her mind go there, but after yesterday it was hard not to think of them as a potential little family, living happily ever after someday. She wanted that so much.

Willow smiled her reassurance. "Yeah, totally." They sat in silence for a few moments thinking about Spike's daddy potential before Willow decided to return them to the first subject. "So how are you going to get to your night class and stuff if Spike can't drive you?"

Buffy sighed. "Once John figured out that I'd have to take a bus or walk at night he decided he'd have to drive me. Rosemary is _pissed off _about it, too. Apparently that hadn't occurred to her so she tried to wriggle out of it but John insisted it had been _her_ decision to ground me and since she's been ill with her headaches a lot lately he'd just have to make the necessary sacrifice as a parent." She chuckled. "The look on her face was almost worth it."

Willow frowned. "Why though? I mean, it almost sounds like she's jealous or something."

Buffy shifted uneasily in her seat. "Maybe… Probably… I don't know." She decided to change the subject. "It's going to totally mess up our Valentine's Day, though. I'll still be grounded then. _Stupid Harmony_."

"Aw, I'm so sorry Buffy," Willow sympathized. "What're you gonna do?"

"See Spike at school I guess," she pushed the mangled salad away. "Speaking of which…" she tilted her head toward where Spike was staring at her pointedly. "Time to face the music."

"See ya," Willow gave a little wave to Buffy as she gathered her things and went to follow Spike out of the cafeteria. "This isn't gonna go well," she mumbled to herself as she watched them leave together.

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"No."

"Look --"

"No. No bloody way!" Spike realized he was yelling when some students walking on the quad looked over to where he and Buffy were arguing under a large tree at the rear of the main building. He lowered his voice. "That wanker's not driving you around all over town!"

"It's only the one class now, I just have parenting class on Thursdays and my first ILP session isn't until February 27th which is way after and it's not like there's a choice of drivers here, I'm grounded." Buffy huffed exasperatedly. "Besides, he's not so bad, at least he actually seems to _like_ me."

Spike couldn't believe she was that naïve. "Ho ho, _yeah_, I'm sure he _likes_ you just fine," he nodded knowingly. "Wanker." he added with a snarl under his breath.

"Stop it! God, you're being such a caveman! John is fine, and he's driving me to my parenting class and there's nothing you or I can do about it. So just deal!" She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him a moment, then uncrossed them and sighed. "Please, Spike. He's not a problem and I need to get along with at least one person I live with. I'll be fine. And I'll see you every day at school and it's only two weeks. Two parenting classes and the rest of the time I'm either at school or at home. _Please,_" she implored him. "I don't want you to be mad at me over this. I can't help it, and it's only two weeks…"

Spike grunted unhappily and glared at her before relaxing his stance and holding out a hand for her. Relieved that he seemed to be relenting, Buffy came closer and allowed him to pull her in to a firm embrace. "Yeah, I know. I'm not mad at you, pet. I know you're doin' what you have to." He kissed the top of her head where it lay against his chest. "Can't help worryin' though. I don't trust 'im, and you mean so much to me. I just want you to be safe is all."

"I know." She closed her eyes and held on to him more tightly. _I know._

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"Oh my God, her dress was soooo beautiful, I think she was the prettiest girl there even though Raven MacTavish thought she was so hot. God did you hear what Cynthia Reynolds did with Bobby Greenborn in their limo after the dance? Riley told me he saw them! I'd be _mortified_ if anyone caught _me_ --"

"April - shut up," Cordelia snapped while glancing over her shoulder at the younger girl chattering to the rest of their little group of friends where they sat on the other side of the quad. Thankfully the irritating voice stopped and the rest of them went back to eating their lunches and talking quietly among themselves.

Harmony looked over to the spot Cordy was staring at so intently. "Trouble in paradise?"

"I thought so, but they seemed to have worked it out," she replied and turned back to the magazine she had spread out over her lap.

"She didn't go to the dance with him, you know," Harmony snotted. "That's probably what they're fighting about. He probably didn't want to take her and she spent the night over at Willow's instead cuz she didn't want anyone to know she didn't have a date. Loser."

Cordy glanced at her friend in disdain. "Yeah, Harmony. That's _totally_ what she was doing at Willow's house Saturday night. Hiding out." She went back to reading her magazine. "Idiot."

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"Show's over, babe. We have five more minutes and a janitor's closet with our name on it." Angel pulled on Drusilla's arm, trying to lead her away from the window where she'd been watching Spike and Buffy argue. She wished she knew what they were saying but the fight seemed to be over now so whatever it was, it wasn't going to break them up. She let Angel pull her away.

"From the looks of that kiss I'd say they're still together, anyway," Graham noted dispassionately as he threw away the remains of lunch.

"Well, you know what that means, don't you?" Forrest laughed as he turned from the window and picked up his backpack.

"Yep," Riley chuckled. "She hasn't slept with him yet."

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Rosemary spent the rest of the week upstairs in her room with a headache. Buffy thought it was more that she didn't want to see Buffy hanging around the house so much and had decided to squirrel herself away up there instead. Either way, she couldn't complain too much -- she didn't want to see Rosemary either.

John came home most evenings for a change. It was kind of nice having a father around like that; her own was always away and she liked the idea of having that in her life for once. All the difficulty of her first weeks at the Smith's house had fallen away in light of this new easy relationship John seemed to be trying hard to develop with her. Rosemary still made a point of interrupting them and had the occasional inexplicable tantrum, but mostly she just stayed in her room while Buffy and John watched TV or he helped her with her homework. It was very homey. She could almost pretend it _was_ home.

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"Mmmmm, nice," Buffy purred contentedly as Spike left her lips and started kissing his way down the side of her neck.

"Yeah? I can make it nicer…" he grinned into her ear right before he nipped at it.

Buffy pulled away and looked him in the eye skeptically. "At three o'clock in the afternoon? In the car? Down the street from my house?"

"You'd be surprised what I can do when I'm determined," he husked and pinched her nipple through her dress.

"Ack! Not here! Someone'll see!" She scanned the surrounding houses nervously.

"How'm I supposed to go a whole two weeks after such a fantastic Saturday night? S'torture." He palmed her breast again, and again she swatted it away. "_C'mon…"_

"Behave."

Spike sighed and pulled back a bit. "Alright. Bloody behavin' here. We can still kiss, though?"

He was all puppy dog pouty and she couldn't help melting a bit. "For a little bit, but then I have to go inside or Rosemary'll know I didn't come straight home. I don't want to get grounded even more than I already am."

"Right then. I'll be good as gold as long as I get you back soon." He pulled her closer to his chest. "Tell me we can be together the minute they release you." He kissed the top of her head. "Don't make me wait any more'n that."

She turned to look up at the miserable pleading face of her boyfriend and sighed. She wanted to be together as much as he did but she really needed to keep to the rules of her grounding as close as possible. And truthfully, since it was taken out of her hands anyway, she thought it was a good idea to play a little hard to get. The grounding gave her a good excuse to not just fall into too much intimacy every time they were alone. She thought he'd appreciate her more if she didn't immediately let him do what he wanted all the time. She wanted him just as much as he did her, so it was hard, but she was determined not to be taken for granted. She had read that in a magazine somewhere and she thought it made a lot of sense.

"Okay," she promised. "You can take me out that Saturday night if you're good now."

"That's my girl," he smirked and nipped her ear once more. "I know just the thing."

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"You're late."

Buffy stopped short on her way to the kitchen. Turning around she saw her foster mother standing in the doorway to the living room with a fierce scowl on her face. "It's only three-fifteen," she responded with as much innocence as she could muster, then continued walking toward the refrigerator.

Rosemary stalked closer. "That's ten minutes past when I expected you home. What were you _doing?_"

She looked so angry that Buffy was uncertain what to say. How does one account for ten minutes spent down the street kissing in a car? It seemed so insignificant.

Grabbing a soda and an apple, Buffy turned to face her accuser. "I talked to my friends a few minutes after school. I didn't think it would be a problem."

"Well think again!" Rosemary spit out angrily. "Go upstairs and do your homework. We'll call you when we want you to come down for dinner." She turned and marched up the back stairs without another word. Buffy heard the echo of the bedroom door slam.

"Alrighty then." No longer hungry, she put the apple back and trudged upstairs to her room to while away the afternoon, and hoped that John wouldn't be too long coming home.

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"Ro, come down and have some dinner with us," he pleaded tiredly.

"No."

"This is ridiculous. You need to eat."

"You always take her side!"

"I'm on the side of eating dinner. There is no other side here, Ro," he was so exasperated he could throw something at this point.

"Yeah, right," she snarled at him. "Just go have dinner with your little girlfriend. I'm sure she's waiting for you down there all by her lonesome. Poor thing." She marched away from him to sit in the window seat and stare out at the lights on the hillside nearby.

"She's not my girlfriend, she's my foster daughter. And I'm not always taking her side but she was ten minutes late, Ro. Hardly criminal behavior."

She said nothing, refusing to even acknowledge he had spoken.

"Fine, suit yourself. I've ordered pizza. There'll be plenty if you want to come down later." He started to leave the bedroom but stopped at the last moment. "It's Thursday. I'm taking her to her class, so you'll have the house to yourself this evening. I'll try not to disturb you when I come in."

She knew he was gone when she heard the click of the door closing shut behind him. She wanted to lock him out of their bedroom, make him sleep in a guest room. She couldn't do that now, though. Not with Buffy in the house.

She wanted to scream out in despair. She knew she was being unreasonable and bitchy and acting like a jealous fool in front of him. She was going to lose him if she didn't stop it. More than anything she'd like to just send Buffy back, get her out of the house and go back to the way things were between them before she arrived. But it was too late for that, she'd just come off as a jealous shrew and she knew she'd lose him then. No, she just had to try to rein in her fear and anger, not let it surface so much. Put up a façade. The girl couldn't stay here forever; surely there'd be opportunity to get rid of her without making herself look bad in the process.

She just had to bide her time.

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Hope you liked it. Please leave a review, let me know if you're still with me. Thanks, Sara


	33. Chapter 72

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Author's Note: Again, if anyone is just catching up with my story again my new chapters start at chapter 68 so begin there. Thank you to all who have left reviews, they are very much appreciated and help inspire me to write faster. I'd write whether you review or not, but getting them is very inspiring to post more quickly as I do love hearing from you very much. I hope everyone is happy and well as we approach the new year.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Seventy-Two**_

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_Valentine Part One_

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She sat on the mats in the weight room, legs splayed wide, stretching in preparation for Coach Pettit to arrive and officially start the class. The routine of the exercises worked its calming effect and she found her mind drifting off to contemplate the last week and a half of her life.

At first she'd enjoyed having John around the house but after the first week it had started getting weird again. Rosemary rarely came downstairs and when she did she would barely speak to her. As a counterpoint to Rosemary's chill was John's sudden warmth. At first it was just joking and camaraderie, cooking dinner, doing homework, watching TV together. As groundings went, it wasn't bad. But around day six things seemed to shift. He sat a little bit closer than usual, he found occasion for physical contact for what seemed much less reason than she thought necessary, and the once welcome massages to help work out the kinks while she studied had become a little longer and slightly more sensual in nature. The change was so subtle she hadn't really noticed it, not until he gave her a massage that went a little lower down her back than he had gone previously. It was no lower than her mid back, but it wasn't the usual short neck kneading she had become used to, either. He had paused when he felt her stiffen but after a beat continued the massage for another minute or so. She had no idea how to react so she just didn't say anything and went back to reading her textbook, determined to decline any further massages from him.

The atmosphere in the house had become almost unbearable.

She wished she knew with absolute certainty what she should do. She did think she could handle the situation as long as it didn't get any worse but it was troubling. She consoled herself with the knowledge that she didn't have long with the Smiths anyway - in April she would get Katie back and they would go live in some other home together. It was only a couple more months. She could handle John until then, even if she didn't like it. The main thing she had to be careful of was keeping Spike from finding out. She had no doubt he would blow up spectacularly and that would cause nothing but trouble for both of them. She decided she just had to get through this weirdness without making any waves for a couple of months and all would be well in the end and Spike would have no reason to be upset. No harm, no foul.

"Whoa, Summers!" Larry leered obnoxiously. "_Nice ass!_"

Buffy straightened from where she had been doing a bending stretch and narrowed her eyes at her tormentor. Larry never failed to make some disgusting comment to one or more of the four girls in the class and apparently today was Buffy's lucky day.

"Bite me," she snapped at him.

"Oooooo," he laughed. "No problem, baby. Better yet, you can use that mouth on me."

"Not on your best day," she tossed back at him while she turned to walk over to sit with the other girls.

Larry made a big show of leaning over to watch her ass as she walked away  
then sauntered over to his little crowd of boys hanging out by the bench press.

Buffy sighed. Larry and his band of goons were as predictable as the sun rise.

Well, at least it was Valentine's Day. She couldn't meet with Spike until lunch today because he had some group biology project to finish this morning during snack period. She was really anxious to see him. She had saved up enough to buy him a silver thumb ring and she was dying to see the look on his face when he opened it. It wasn't expensive but it was pretty cool and she thought he'd really like it.

This was her first Valentine's Day - that counted, anyway - and more than anything she wanted it to be special. She wished for the hundredth time that she wasn't grounded today of all days. Thank goodness John and Rosemary would be out of the house tonight. They were going out to dinner just the two of them and Buffy was looking forward to the parental reprieve. She might be alone on Valentine's night but that was a lot better than being at home with the two of them.

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"Grounded on Valentine's, huh?" Harmony leaned against the nearest gym locker and stared down disdainfully at Buffy.

Buffy paused a second and then decided to try to ignore the smug blonde and continue putting the last touches on her hair and makeup. Gym class really did a number on her hair.

But Harmony hated being ignored and wasn't going away that easily.

"My sister told me all about you, you know," she snotted. "How you lied to her so she wouldn't know you didn't have a date for the dance. So lame. But I guess you can't expect much better from some foster case. You're such a loser."

"Harmony," Buffy stood to close her locker and smiled sweetly at the annoying girl blocking her way out. "Single on Valentine's? Poor thing. But hey, surely there are some freshmen who haven't heard about your little problem yet." She gave her enemy a sympathetic nod. "No worries. I'm sure it'll clear up real soon."

Harmony's mouth fell open in shock and while she stood frozen Buffy moved to go around her. But now Dru was standing in her way, smiling that creepy knowing smile she found so disturbing.

"Excuse me." Buffy spoke it more as an icy command to move rather than a request to let her by. It seemed to have the desired effect because Dru did stand aside and let her pass.

Harmony finally found her voice and shouted after her, "Nu-uh!!"

Dru rolled her eyes at her friend's nonsensical retort. "Brilliant comeback, Harm. That really told her."

Ignoring the insult, Harmony complained petulantly as they watched Buffy leave the locker room. "Why'd you let her go, Dru? I wasn't finished with her yet."

Dru smiled enigmatically and whispered in her friend's ear. "There there, let her be for now. There are better games to play with that one." She stared at the locker room door Buffy had just exited, then started to laugh at some secret joke while she drifted off to her own locker to finish dressing and meet up with Angel.

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"Hey Buffy," a deep male voice came from behind her.

She stopped and turned, surprise written all over her face.

"You're lookin' good today," he came up beside her and graced her with a very sexy grin. "But you always do."

He was tall, dark, and handsome and completely freaking her out. She looked quickly around her to see if anyone else noticed him talking to her like this but the locker room let out onto an otherwise empty corridor and they were alone.

"What do you want?" That seemed too rude. "I mean, hi," she stood up straighter to face him down. "And thank you…. and… I have to go now, so… bye."

She turned away and strode purposefully down the hall to the juncture of the main corridor where the masses of students were hurrying to their next classes.

"That wasn't weird at all," she muttered unhappily under her breath as she wove her way through the students to her next class.

Dru stood in the locker room doorway watching the exchange with narrowed eyes for a few moments, then putting on a smile walked over to wrap her arms around Angel from behind.

He turned in her arms, surprised to feel her there. "Oh hey babe," he smirked. "You saw?"

"Mmmm," she stared at him intently with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Was just playing with her head a little bit," he chuckled.

Dru smirked back. "By the time this day is over she is going to be seriously twisted."

Angel laughed and hugged her tight. "What'd you do, Dru?"

She just smiled in the direction Buffy had gone. "Watch."

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Angel stared at her all through biology and when he caught her looking his way he would grace her with a slow sexy smirk. It was unnerving. She knew he was Dru's boyfriend and Spike's enemy and no good could come of this. She wanted to tell him off, but was afraid any response would attract unwanted attention and get back to Spike. It wasn't as though Angel didn't know she was with Spike, after all. He was doing this on purpose to upset her. She couldn't give him the satisfaction and she wouldn't let him draw Spike into some fight about it.

She spoke with Willow briefly during snack period and told her about Angel's weird overtures and she agreed that Spike should be kept out of the loop on it. If Angel was brazen enough to do this in front of Spike then there was no help for it but Buffy's best move was to pretend she didn't notice Angel and hope his creepy attention passed quickly.

History passed uneventfully since Dru was also in the class and Angel didn't look at her when Dru was around. She was relieved when the bell rang and she had a few minutes before Algebra to run to her locker and grab Spike's gift. She planned to give it to him at lunch so she didn't want to have to go back for it and waste all that potential Spike-kissing time. It was the only Valentines Day quality time they had.

When she opened her locker she was surprised to find a textbook-sized box wrapped in paper covered with hearts and flowers and a heart shaped note attached. How he managed to put it in her locker she had no idea since she hadn't told him her combination but somehow he'd done it and she was thrilled with the surprise. She debated whether to open it now or later but decided if had he wanted her to open it later he would have given it to her at lunch. Clearly he wanted her to see it now.

Happily she read the note, written in his own hand,

_My Valentine,  
When I saw this I thought of you. Such a wicked girl you are.  
Spike_

"Hmmm…" Not the profession of love she had hoped to hear; in fact she had no idea what he meant. But he'd obviously put a lot of thought into it and she did love presents. Delighted with his thoughtfulness and careful of the pretty paper and ribbons, she opened the box to see what he had bought for her. Frowning, she looked at it more carefully to be certain she'd seen what she thought she'd seen then closed it quickly and looked around her to see if anyone had seen as well. There were very few students left in the hall and they weren't paying any attention to her which was a relief. She had no desire to have anyone else know what he had given her. She shoved it back in her locker and slammed the door shut on it.

The bell rang so she raced off to Algebra, her heart aching and furious by turns.

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Spike was at a loss. Willow confirmed that Buffy was at school today but he'd been waiting for fifteen minutes at their usual table and she was a no show. He picked at his food and tried to ignore the gooey conversation going on to his left where Willow and Oz were huddled together. Bored and restless, he looked over to where his old friends sat. Angel was nibbling on Dru's neck, no surprise there. But his ex was staring across the cafeteria at him with an especially evil smile. She was obviously pleased to see him sitting there alone on Valentines, no girlfriend in sight. _Bitch._

That was more than he was willing to take. Feeling like a fool, he threw the rest of his lunch away and stalked off in search of his missing girlfriend. She had to be somewhere and he intended to find out why she'd stood him up.

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He found her in the library, eating alone at a far table near the stacks. He wondered a moment at how serious it must be for her to talk Giles into letting her eat in the library. She looked miserable, and he needed to find out what was causing that hundred yard stare.

"Buffy, luv, what're you doing in here?" he slipped into the chair beside her and tried to take her hand. "We were gonna meet for lunch, remember?"

Glaring at him, she pulled her hand away and rose to move to the other side of the table.

He was stunned. "What's wrong? I couldn't have done anything that terrible, I haven't even seen you yet!" He heard his voice rising and forced it back down to a library whisper. "We were gonna celebrate Valentine's at lunch, right? That was the plan, right?" He wracked his brain to see if he forgot to meet her somewhere else or failed to call her or some other sin of omission but couldn't find anything that fit. She wouldn't even look at him. This was bad and he didn't know why but he was getting the sinking feeling that Dru had had something to do with it.

He moved next to her again and when he saw she intended to move once more he grabbed both of her hands and turned her toward him so he could look at her straight on. "Tell me what's wrong or I won't be able to fix it. Can't you see I have no bloody idea what you're mad about?"

She finally looked him in the face, a combination of hurt and anger in her eyes. "Did you think it was funny? Did you think it was all some big joke? 'Buffy the loser and her loser kid'. Is that what you really _think?_" She was holding back tears behind the anger now.

Spike was floored. He had no idea what had happened but he planned to find out and when he did he would no doubt discover his ex was behind it. That evil smile across the lunch tables meant something.

"God, no, never," he promised her. "Whatever has you so upset, pet, I didn't do it. I'd never want to do anything that would make you feel like that. Please tell me, what happened?" She looked away. "_Tell me_," he pleaded forcefully.

"I opened your _gift_ today," she turned to hiss at him in an angry whisper. She didn't want nosy ears to hear her.

"What gift?"

"The one you left for me in my locker," her voice cracked with strain. He couldn't tell whether she was going to spit or cry.

"I didn't --"

"Don't try to play dumb. It had a note, in _your_ handwriting, so I _know_ it was from you," she accused him tearfully.

"But --"

She stood up suddenly and grabbed her things. "I don't want to talk to you!" And before he could react she had fled from the library.

Too stunned to react quickly, when he finally jumped up to follow her she had disappeared down the halls and he couldn't find her again.

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She ignored him the rest of the day, refusing to even look at him during their last classes. He tried to get Willow to act as go-between but she simply crumpled the note she gave her in Life & Health and passed it back to Willow with a discreet shake of her head. Willow held the crumpled note and shook her head helplessly at Spike. She wouldn't tell Willow what was wrong, either.

By the time the school day was done he had become completely fed up. He had had enough of imploring her to speak to him and apologizing for not doing whatever it was he didn't actually do. When the last bell rang he grabbed his book bag and without a backward glance stalked angrily to his car and tore out of the parking lot with a squeal of tires on asphalt.

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You can try, but I don't think you're gonna guess what has Buffy so upset. All will be revealed in the next chapter. If you can, please leave a review. It helps to know what you think. Thanks.

Sara


	34. Chapter 73

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Author's Note: Here is part two. Ready tonight for those who are staying in and would like something to read; ready tomorrow for those who want something quiet to do while they nurse a hangover. Happy New Year everybody!

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_**Chapter Seventy-Three**_

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_Valentine Part Two_

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Buffy stared morosely at the congealing mass of food on her plate for a good ten minutes after she heard the garage door close. She figured that was enough time to wait before getting up and pushing it all down the garbage disposal and starting the dishwasher.

She wasn't hungry at all but had been forced to remain at table and finish the microwave meal Rosemary had heated for her. She had been sitting there for thirty minutes just shoving food around the plate with her fork because Rosemary was adamant that she had to 'quit being a spoiled brat' and eat her 'damn dinner'. John had backed Rosemary up but thankfully had also persuaded his wife that she didn't need to be late for their own dinner in order to actually watch Buffy eat hers. He had escorted a glowering Rosemary out the door ten minutes ago but Buffy was paranoid enough to wait in case the woman was faking it and suddenly popped back into the kitchen.

Unfortunately for Buffy, John and Rosemary had mistaken the irritable depression she had come home with for petulance over being forced to remain grounded at home on Valentines Day and proceeded to treat her like the pouty child they thought she was being. And because they were John and Rosemary she had no intention of telling them what had really happened to put her into such a despondent mood.

Turning out the kitchen light, Buffy trudged upstairs to continue her evening of serious moping. She'd already cried herself into a state of red puffiness; she couldn't afford to cry anymore or she wouldn't be able to face her fellow students tomorrow. It was going to be hard enough to fake cheerfulness without having to worry about puffy red eyes as well. She stopped at that thought and went back to grab some cucumber. Perhaps a long bubble bath and cucumber slices over her eyes would help her to relax.

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He was certain that her parents would be gone by now and a quick check in the garage confirmed this. The house was dark except for lights in the entry hall and in what he knew to be Buffy's bedroom. After her constant rejections at school he had no illusions about her willingness to speak to him so he decided that he'd have to take it up a notch and demand she talk to him and refuse to leave until she did so. This would be easier to do if she couldn't slam a door in his face so he decided that sneaking into the house after her foster parents left and cornering her in her bedroom would be the best way to confront her.

He may have been a little drunk.

He slipped into the garage and then through the unlocked kitchen door. He listened for any sound and hearing nothing he crept quietly up the stairs and down the hall in the direction he knew Buffy's room to be. He paused at her open door and hearing nothing he stepped inside to find the room empty. The light was on, though, and things were laid about as though she would return any minute. He guessed she was in the bathroom so he took the opportunity to place himself on the chair next to her bed where he'd be easily seen when she came back in. His appearance in her room was bound to be startling so he thought it best to be obvious and not appear to have been hiding in the closet or something. He didn't want to come off like some stalker.

So far he thought his plan was working brilliantly. But then again, he might be just a little drunk.

He had never been in her bedroom before and was dying to snoop a little bit, but he withstood temptation, satisfying himself with letting his eyes scan over whatever was visible from where he sat waiting. He noted that she hadn't straightened her room today, possibly for even longer. He spied something and sat up straighter - among the general mess of her things there was an open gift box shoved into the trash can by the desk. He gave thanks to whatever powers that be that _finally_ he would find out what the devil Dru had done to upset Buffy so much.

His attempts to locate his ex had been fruitless this afternoon; she and Angel had made a quick exit from school and neither were at home when he finally got drunk enough to remember to confront them. Just as well - he probably would have wound up throttling her and gotten thrown in jail and then there would go Valentines Day, right down the crapper.

He lifted the box from the receptacle and placed it on the bed. Gingerly, he lifted out a tiny white tee shirt along with a matching adult one. They were obviously meant for Buffy and Katie. He closed his eyes in anguish when he saw what was printed on each of them: 'Ward of the State'. The manufacturer meant them to be humorous but he knew that wasn't how Buffy would see them. No, they were meant to hurt her and they had done so spectacularly. Dru must have found out about the baby, probably through Harmony. After all, if Harmony knew, then it was only a matter of time before the jealous bint let that particular cat out of the bag --

"What the hell are you doing?!"

And suddenly he wasn't nearly drunk enough. Well, he came to confront her and confront her he would. This had to stop.

He turned to face his astonished girlfriend, the baby tee shirt held up in his hand. "You thought I'd give you something like this?" he asked incredulously, a tinge of pain in his voice. "You think that's who I am, that I'd intentionally hurt you this way?" The alcohol was loosening his tongue and the hurt and anger of this long day came pouring out. "You asked if I thought so little of _you!_ Do you think so little of _me?!_" He wavered slightly and sat down heavily on her bed. "I'd never do this to you…" he trailed off and let the shirt slip from his fingers to the floor, the anger gone as quickly as it came. God he was tired.

Buffy pulled her bathrobe a little closer around her and warily stepped closer to the bed. "Are you _drunk?_"

He glanced in annoyance at her. "Yeah, what of it? Drownin' my sorrows on Valentines, wasn't I? My girl won't talk to me."

She sighed and considered him a moment. "Fine. I'll talk if you'll explain the note. It's your handwriting, I'd know it anywhere," she accused, unwilling to just let it go.

That was a puzzle. Reaching over the bed he grabbed the note that was attached to the lid of the box. _Bloody. Hell._

Buffy could see it the split second before he exploded up off the bed. She stepped back in alarm and put the bed between them as he began to swear and pace back and forth the length of her room. She didn't understand all of the British curses he yelled but she knew some of them and they were bad and they were directed at Drusilla. When he switched from cursing Dru to describing her gruesome painful death she decided to step in. This was getting out of hand.

"Spike, calm down! If the neighbors hear and call the police I'll never get out of the house again!" She placed a hand against his chest to stop him pacing and was relieved when she was able to steer him to sit down on the bed again.

"Okay, okay, you didn't do it, I believe you now," she tried to soothe him. She actually did believe him, but there were some unanswered questions still. "Who wrote the note if you didn't and how did she get it in my locker? She doesn't know my combination," she asked in a gentler tone, no longer the accuser, now the fellow detective on the trail of the perpetrator. She considered perhaps that this is what she should have been all along. She should have trusted him more.

He shook his head and stared down at the note in his hand. "Oh, I wrote it, all right," he admitted. "But I wrote it to Dru two years ago. She must've kept it." He rubbed his eyes and looked blearily at Buffy who was staring pensively at the note he held in his hands. "I'm so sorry, luv, I had no idea she'd do this to you, today of all days." He dropped the note and reached to take her hand in his own, glad to see she didn't resist him this time. "'S'all spoiled now, innit?"

She watched as he rubbed little circles on the palm of her hand with his thumb and suddenly remembered her own present.

"Stay there," she commanded and went to get a small gift box out of her purse. "Happy Valentine's Day," she pronounced solemnly as she sat down and placed it in his hands.

He stared at her a long moment then opened the box. "Ohhhh, 's'nice, luv, thank you." He took the ring from the box and put it on his right thumb. "Fits perfect…. Perfect."

She smiled at him and kissed him briefly on the lips, then sat back before he could take the kiss any further. Taking his cue from the expectant look she gave him, Spike pulled out a box from his duster pocket and handed it to her.

Carefully Buffy lifted the lid and took out a delicate silver Celtic Cross pendant and chain. She held it up and watched the light reflect off the metal. Gracing Spike with a brilliant smile she whispered, "I love it. Put it on me?"

She handed the necklace to him and turned her back so he could place it on her neck. He paused for a moment to gaze at the curve of her throat where she had lifted her hair so he could fasten the necklace for her.

"Spike?" she worried when he didn't move.

"Just admirin' the view s'all," he rasped, suddenly overcome with emotion. He finished closing the hasp and let his hands smooth down her shoulders, down her arms, slipping them around her waist and drawing her back against him. He nuzzled her hair aside so he could pepper her neck with kisses while he whispered into her ear, "Happy Valentine's, luv." He kissed back around her neck to the other side and whispered in her other ear, "Now we've got it all sorted, perhaps we could celebrate for a bit? Enjoy what's left of our day, yeah?"

His voice was silken and his kisses were deliciously seductive. Buffy closed her eyes and gave in to the sensations washing through her as he held her and continued kissing down the back of her neck. She jolted apart in alarm when she felt him tugging her robe loose for better access. Turning in his arms she placed a hand on his chest, stopping him.

"Nu-uh," she chided him. "Let me put something on." She grabbed a tee shirt and boxers out of her dresser and headed for the bathroom to change.

"I don't mind," he called after her. "Really!"

"I'll bet!"

A minute later they had fallen into a passionate embrace stretched out upon Buffy's bed. Suddenly she pulled away and looked him seriously in the eye.

"You'll be good, right?"

He smirked sexily. "Oh luv, I am _excellent_." He leaned down to kiss her again and again she stopped him.

"Good to know, but that's not what I meant," she watched his face worriedly. "I'm not ready, Spike. So we can't…."

With a soft smile he leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. "I know, luv. We won't go there. Let's just kiss, yeah, and see where that takes us." He waited for her nod, then dove back in for a kiss.

She could taste the whiskey which still had him buzzed as he plundered her mouth greedily. He had thought he'd lost her and now that she was in his arms again she could feel the difference in the way he held her and his almost desperate need to touch her everywhere at once. She held him tightly and responded to him with fervent kisses, hoping he would feel all of the love she had for him and be reassured.

He grabbed her bottom and pulled her further underneath him as he started kissing a path down her throat to her pretty little breasts. Stopping briefly to pull her shirt over her head he dipped down once more and took one pink nipple into his mouth, sucking and laving it by turns. She was soft and firm all at once, and he detected just the faintest hint of the perfume from her bath. He was intoxicated, both from the alcohol and from the girl in his arms. He felt her tugging his tee shirt over his head and pulled back enough to let her do that, then went back to work on the opposite breast.

She loved his chest, the strong muscles corded beneath his smooth silky skin, the hard nubby nipples that elicited a low groan when she nipped and sucked on them. She traced the lines of his abs for a moment then moved her hands around his back and held him tighter to her as she felt him press her down into the mattress. She loved the feel of his body laying against hers, heavy and strong and demanding. She felt him caressing and kneading her bottom over her boxers and marveled at the way it pitched her arousal to new levels. She had no idea that would feel so good.

He released her bottom and moved over her more fully, nudging her knees apart so he could lay between her legs. Holding himself above her on his elbows he pulled back a moment and watched her face to see if she was uncomfortable with the new position. She was panting heavily and moving slightly beneath him but her eyes were still closed and he could see she had given herself over to the new sensation of his weight upon her. He pulled one of her legs over his hips to allow for deeper contact and was delighted to hear her moan. She made such pretty sounds when they were together.

The feeling of his weight between her thighs was amazing. She could feel his cock through the material of his jeans, pushing down upon her own center, rocking and moving against her in imitation of more intimate contact. He was kissing her again, plundering her mouth, stroking his tongue along her own in the same rhythm as the movement of his hips. More and more, higher and higher, until she could feel herself spiraling into delicious completion. He continued rocking against her as she came down and tried to catch her breath and calm her heart. When she opened her eyes he was smiling down at her with a satisfied twinkle in his eyes.

She blushed prettily and averted her eyes with a small chuckle. He was glad; he wanted her to want more intimacy with him and she was so open to him, so passionate. He wanted her now, fully, but it wasn't yet time. But when she was ready he knew she would be a wonderful lover.

"Spike," she whispered.

"Yeah, luv?"

"You were right," she teased him. "You _are_ excellent."

He laughed and fell forward, ducking his head between her neck and shoulder. "Ah, luv," he moved slightly so he could watch her face again. "You're quite excellent yourself."

She looked at him doubtfully. "I didn't do anything."

"What you do to me - you have _no idea_ what you do to me, luv," he husked solemnly. "You're a bloody miracle, is what you are. Love what you do to me."

Her face lit up. "Yeah?"

"Mmmm," he dipped back down and hovered just above her lips. "Oh, yeah." He kissed her softly as he lifted off of her, stopping suddenly with a low hiss. He had a raging hard-on and his jeans constricted him painfully. He reached down to adjust himself more comfortably but her hand was already there, unbuttoning his jeans. He hadn't been going to ask but he wasn't about to stop her, either. He lay on his back and waited to see what she would do.

He sprang loose, heavy and hot in her hand. It was too awkward a position; she rose up on her knees to gain better access to him. She looked down into his eyes, hooded and dark with desire. For a moment she considered what she wanted to do, contemplating using her mouth upon him down there. It was tempting but also a little overwhelming. She didn't think she could do that quite yet, so she set to work using the skills he had taught her the night of the dance. He lay back on his elbows, squeezing his eyes shut and watching her lustily by turns. She grabbed for something to catch his fluids and then continued to work him, using one hand on his cock and the other to hold and caress his sac. She could feel it this time, the way he grew larger in her hands right before he came.

He came with a low shout and she continued to caress him until he softened and fell onto the mattress, sated. She cleaned his spendings from her hand and tossed the cloth off the bed; Then she nestled into his side and lay her head upon his chest and waited for him to recover a bit.

He pulled her closer to him and kissed the top of her head. "Love you," he murmured sleepily. He felt her stiffen and realized what he had just said. He knew he did love her but was so afraid to admit to it, afraid she might not really love him like he did her. He stayed very still and held his breath as he felt her pull away from him. Opening his eyes he saw she was staring at him in wonder.

"Really?" she asked tentatively, almost afraid to know. It was possible he'd said that in the warmth of the afterglow and didn't really mean it. Or he could just be drunk.

Well, he'd said it so he might as well own it. "I didn't know if I would be able to love anyone ever again after last year," he pulled himself up to a sitting position so he could settle her into his arms. He was relieved that she allowed him to embrace her. He looked down to see her large green eyes questioning, waiting for the answer that had the power to change everything. "But then you came into the Bronze that first night and I felt myself start to fall for you when I wasn't even looking for it." He cupped her face with his right hand, caressing her cheek before dipping down for a gentle kiss. He pulled back slightly and looked intensely into her eyes. "But I fell, fell hard," he smiled. "Do I love you? Yeah. I love you. I am so in love with you, Buffy Summers," he husked. "I'm drowning in you."

"Oh," she flung her arms around his neck. "Me too, I love you too. So so much!" She moved to kiss him but he stopped her.

He gave her a big grin, "Yeah?"

"Oh yeah," she grinned back at him.

"Well that works out well, then." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap, kissing her deeply. The kiss grew more passionate and he grabbed her bottom and ground her against his swelling erection. He heard her moan and pulled her closer still. Suddenly she pulled back and gave a frustrated groan.

"I have to get you out of here," she told him with a disappointed sigh. "There's no telling when they might come back, Rosemary is always coming down with her headaches and it's only dinner." She could see his frustration mirrored her own. "I'm sorry. But we can go out Saturday, 'k? Like we promised, when my grounding's done."

He sighed heavily and nodded. She was right, there was no sense risking getting caught now that they'd made up and made out and all.

Besides, he was sobering up and beginning to realize how insane this whole sneaking-into-her-house caper really was. Plus, he thought he might be on the threshold of a righteous hangover.

"Right then, you're right. I'll jus' go back the way I came in. See you first thing tomorrow, in the library. Yeah?"

She smiled. He loved that smile, it lit up his world. "Sounds perfect." She paused. "How _did_ you get in?"

"Side garage door's unlocked. You shouldn't leave it like that, luv. No tellin' what crazies might sneak in 'n all."

"No kidding," she agreed dryly.

They straightened their clothes on and met together for one more long passionate kiss. It was hard to let go now that they'd just professed their love for each other. It was hard to let go, period. Passions began to rise again when Buffy ended the kiss abruptly.

"Did you hear that?!" she whispered as she looked anxiously toward her bedroom door.

He listened intently and then he heard it, too. The automatic garage door had opened and was now closing.

They stared at each other in a moment of panic. Buffy recovered first.

"Quick, out this way!" she dove for the window closest to a large tree in their side yard. Lifting the sash as quietly as possible she eyed the distance between the branches and the house. "You can climb down, right?"

He made a quick calculation of the distance and the size of the tree limbs and nodded. He turned and pulled her into his arms for one last kiss, whispered his love, and climbed out the window and down the tree. She watched over him as he sauntered down the street until he turned the corner and she couldn't see him any more.

She shut and locked her window and then surveyed her room for any traces of his visit or of what they had done. She straightened her coverlet and then bent down to pick up the cloth she'd used to catch his spendings. She laughed when she saw that it was the larger of the shirts that had caused all these problems to begin with. Fitting that it should end like this. She gathered it up with the smaller shirt and shoved them both in the back of her closet. Saturday she'd ask Spike to help her burn them.

Tomorrow she would deal with Drusilla.

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I do have to admit I'm thrilled to have these last chapters posted so I can move the story forward to where it needs to go. I'm just glad I got it done in 2008! Anyway, more chapters are coming so stay tuned. I wish you and yours a safe and happy new year.

Sara


	35. Chapter 74

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Author's Note: There's a lot of ground to cover in this chapter; don't worry, things are progressing as they must. Thank you to all who left reviews for me, they are much appreciated.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Seventy-Four**_

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_Spooked_

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"He's looking over here again," Xander sing-song whispered to the people seated at his lunch table.

"Yep." Oz stared at something inside his Jello, stabbed it with his spork and raised it eye level to examine it carefully. "I do not recognize this."

"I don't think that's a color found in nature," Willow poked at hers uncertainly.

"If it was green I'd say it's a Brussels sprout, which, in orange Jello, just -- no," Buffy added as she pushed her plate away.

"Wusses," Spike snorted derisively as he shoved a large bite into his mouth. Coughing, he dropped his spork and took a large gulp of his drink. "_Good God_," he choked and finished the cup.

Buffy glanced across the cafeteria to where Angel was talking with Forrest, throwing a glare their way every so often. It was unnerving. "So where has she been for three days?"

"Dunno."

"I mean you'd think she'd show up just to gloat about what she did to me."

"She's a big girl, I'm sure she's fine, luv," Spike reassured her. Spike had promised to 'take care' of Dru after her Valentine's Day prank. Buffy's legal situation made it difficult for her to get payback without risking serious consequences for herself and Katie, and they both had decided it just wasn't worth that risk.

"I don't care about her," Buffy bit her bottom lip in worry. "You just _talked_ to her, right?"

He looked at her reproachfully. "I don't hit girls." He pushed his tray away with a grimace. "But I know where Dru's bodies are buried. I may have mentioned a thing or two to her, a warning…"

"You'd tell her secrets?"

"I let her think I would," he shook his head. "But no, I wouldn't do that. Not even to Dru, though she deserves it. Sorry, luv. Long time ago I gave Dru my word and I can't break it, even if I let her think I would now, to keep her from harassing us. D'ya understand?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "I'm glad you take your promises seriously. Even the ones you made to her." She gave him a quick peck on the lips which he tried to pursue but she pulled away. "So where _is_ she?"

Spike frowned. "I don't know." He too was becoming concerned. She had been well and truly upset when he confronted her at her house before school Wednesday morning and had never showed up for classes that day or since. He was still furious with her but now he wondered if he had gone too far, scared her too badly. It was Friday and she hadn't shown up, and she had been so upset…

"He's glaring at us again…" Xander whispered anxiously. He more than any of them was freaked out by Angel's menacing looks these last three days. He knew something bad was coming and was just waiting for the pain. With Angel there was always pain.

Spike caught Angel's eye and stared hard right back at him. Angel met his gaze unblinkingly, then rose and stalked away from the table and blasted through the swinging doors out of the cafeteria.

"I'll meet up with you in class," Spike muttered distractedly and followed him out.

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"Where's Dru?" Spike caught up with Angel at his locker.

Angel turned on him suddenly, forcing Spike to take a startled step backwards, shocked at the fury in the larger boy's eyes. Recovering himself quickly he straightened up to his full height and prepared for what looked to become a physical confrontation.

"I'm _not_ discussing Dru with you!," he hissed with barely contained rage. He turned on his heel and stalked out into the sunlight and off toward the parking lot.

Spike watched him go, confused more than ever but unwilling to pursue it any further. Whatever was going on with Dru, she was Angel's problem now and Spike was glad to let him take care of her.

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"This is so weird."

"Yeah…?"

"Maybe we shouldn't be here."

"You were the one who wanted to come."

"Yeah, but I didn't think it would be this…. _embarrassing_," Buffy whined anxiously. "What if somebody we know _sees_ us?"

Willow sighed. They'd been through this before and Buffy's attitude made no sense to her. Buying sexy lingerie was no big deal but going to Planned Parenthood was freaksome. Her friend was quite the puzzle. "Not to be insensitive or anything, but haven't you kinda already been through all this before?" she hesitated. "I mean, on the 'embarrassment scale' this has to rate lower than prenatal appointments."

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Buffy nodded agreeably. "But that was then and there. This is _here_ and _now_. " She frowned as she tried to explain. "I mean, before I was just having a _baby_. It wasn't really real, you know? But now, people are gonna know that I'm about to have _sex_. It's totally different." She pronounced this last as though it were self-evident.

It was not self-evident to Willow, who was completely flummoxed by Buffy's irrationality about this. They had decided to go to the clinic together for moral support and Willow had already been seen and had her prescription in hand. But in spite of Willow's assurances that it was painless and that she had nothing to be concerned about, Buffy was still jumping out of her skin with worry about her own visit. It made no sense.

"Buffy. You wanna be with Spike. You don't wanna get pregnant. This is the best way to do both. Or not do both. Or really, do the first one but not do the second one--"

"Okay okay, I get it. This is the right thing to do and I have to stop being stupid about it." She straightened up in the waiting room chair. Independent women didn't slump. "I am an independent woman and this is what independent women do."

"They do if they don't wanna be the mother of two before they turn eighteen," Willow smiled softly.

"Right."

"Buffy Summers?" A voice called from the door leading to the examination rooms.

"Mmmm…" she turned a worried whiny face to her best friend.

"It'll be fine," Willow pronounced sternly as she squeezed her friend's hand and nudged her up. She nodded encouragingly at her as she followed the nurse through the door.

"Buffy, my friend, you are a strange little bird," she murmured under her breath and went back to reading a magazine.

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"It was horrible!" Buffy exclaimed as they walked away from the clinic. "Stupid nurse gave me a whole lecture about being a teenage mother already and how I'd be better off without a boyfriend at all, that I was living off the state and had no business having sex at my age and that I'd better not show up pregnant again and what was she paying taxes for…" Her face crumpled in misery.

"Wow. I just got a pamphlet," Willow gestured helplessly at the clinic as she watched Buffy meltdown on the sidewalk before her.

She hadn't even realized that she was crying until she couldn't talk anymore and just stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk feeling hopeless and confused. She had gone to the clinic intending to be an independent woman who was taking control of her life and she had come out feeling like a naughty child who was abusing 'the system'. And was perhaps a sex maniac of some kind.

Watching her friend fall apart like this stirred Willow to anger.

"Well that nurse was just a poopyhead!" she huffed. "She doesn't even know you! You're a good person and you're in love and you're doing the right thing and she has no room to judge!" She continued her tirade as she slipped her arm through Buffy's and led her down the street toward home. "And she's just jealous! She _wishes_ she had a great boyfriend who loves her and wants to have hot monkey sex with her but she just goes home to her empty lonely apartment and eats alone! With her cat!"

Buffy leaned into Willow affectionately as she wiped her eyes and calmed down, grateful for her friend's supportive tirade. They walked in silence together for a minute.

"Hot monkey sex?"

Willow blushed. "Well, I just assumed…I mean it's Spike."

Buffy looked stricken.

"Buffy, you've done this before. I mean, it's not like you don't know how to do stuff."

"Right," she nodded with what she hoped was confidence. "Like riding a bicycle."

"Right. You have nothing to worry about. And anyway, you'll be in good hands. You know. Because Spike has tons of experience."

"Yeah, he does." The two girls continued walking toward home. Willow turned to other subjects while Buffy mostly listened, her thoughts elsewhere.

_Tons of experience… That's….great._

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Dru came back to school on Monday. Although she was very subdued in the morning, by lunchtime she was a little more sociable although not entirely herself quite yet. She stayed away from Spike and Buffy entirely, and she and Angel did not join the others in the cafeteria that whole week. The couple sat out on the quad together at lunch. Angel held her and whispered into her ear, encouraging her to eat some lunch which she seemed reluctant to do. Buffy saw them out there, and thought there was something a little sad about Dru. She still hated her, but she was glad the girl had someone to lean on through whatever it was that had her looking so lost and, for lack of a better word, spooked.

Yes, spooked. Dru looked like she'd been spooked. Buffy had no idea what Spike had said to her but whatever it was had put that look in his ex's eyes. And suddenly she really wanted to know what he had said to her, to make her look that way. She couldn't ask him again, he'd made it clear he wasn't talking about it. Dru had told Angel, though, because he continued to glare in their direction whenever he saw Spike. But there were no direct confrontations from either of them, and Angel stopped flirty-harassing Buffy, for which she was very grateful.

Soon enough Buffy lost interest in the pair, having become completely preoccupied with thoughts of Spike.

He was all she could think about lately, especially now that she was 'prepared'. Sexy Spike. Sexy naked Spike. Having sex with sexy naked Spike. The thought both thrilled her and panicked her. She'd had a baby. Was her body different now, less 'something' than girls who hadn't had a human head pass through them down there? He'd been with so many girls. Would he be able to tell the difference? Would he care?

The worst part is she had no one to ask about this. She'd die before she asked Rosemary anything. The clinic nurse's attitude made asking for information unthinkable, and also made her worry about asking Tanya or Olivia anything for fear of their reactions as well. She couldn't very well ask his Aunt Jenny.

It was at times like this that she most missed Fred. Fred would know exactly the right thing to tell her and have hot chocolate to boot.

Well, she thought, there was nothing she could do about it. She was who she was and she would just have to try not to worry too much about it and hope that when the time came Spike didn't notice that there was anything different about her.

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"You're a million miles away."

Buffy turned her head and looked at Spike. They were sitting in his car in front of her house after school on a Monday afternoon.

"Just tired," she smiled at him as she leaned across the seat and into his arms. "Class tonight, and I'm not in the mood."

"Right. Independent Living or some such, yeah?"

"Yep. Learnin' to live on my own. Sounds interesting, I know, but these people can make anything boring," she sighed. "It's an art."

"Well, I'll take you and pick you up," he offered.

She turned around and pecked him on the lips. "And that's the best part of the class!"

He went to grab her and pull her in for another longer kiss but she was already turned back around again, staring off into space.

He didn't know what was up with her lately but she was lost in her own thoughts more and more and he was beginning to feel left out. He wracked his brain to find what might have happened to make her seem so distant but came up with nothing. It was frustrating. Perhaps it was some woman thing that he couldn't comprehend. Dru was always having those.

"Got called out of class today," he decided to change the subject. "What was that about?"

She shrugged with a little annoyed huff. "I don't know. Katie's social worker was in the office to talk to me for about thirty seconds. She wanted to know about some college baby class thing her foster parents wanted to enroll her in."

"Baby class thing?"

"Somebody gave somebody at UC Sunnydale money to teach babies in 'a structured environment'" she made the air quotes for him, "and then see if they're any smarter than babies who didn't take the class. They want to make super babies or something."

"That's….odd," Spike ventured an opinion.

"I know! She's fifteen months old. Who puts a baby in a classroom four hours a day? Jeez." Buffy shook her head in aggravation. "I told her no."

"You can do that?"

"Yep. Pat said the foster parents aren't gonna like it. But that's too bad. She's my baby and I don't want her in some classroom with a bunch of other babies learning to count and stuff."

"You don't want her to learn to count and stuff?" Spike was barely holding his own in this conversation.

"Well yeah, but not like that. She's a little baby still," she asserted, then added more softly, "Her mom should teach her that stuff, not some stupid teacher in some stupid baby classroom."

Ah, Spike thought, and that was really it, wasn't it? "'Sorry, pet," he murmured and gave her a comforting squeeze. "Should be you teachin' the little bit, isn't that right? Not some bloody foster mother or university teacher."

She didn't say anything, just nodded and let him hold her tighter. He could tell she was missing her baby a lot lately; missing a lot of things probably. Tonight's class was about learning to live on her own. No real family to go home to at night, no real family to lean on and teach her how to be an adult, no one to fall back on if things didn't work out. He knew that he had all those things in his home with Giles and Jenny. For all the adults who ruled her world, in truth Buffy really had no one at all.

He wanted to tell her that he would be the one for her. The one she could depend on forever if things went wrong in her life. But it was too soon for lifelong pledges. All he could offer her tonight was the comfort of his arms. His strength when she needed strength. And someone to sit with her in the silence.

She'd need so much more tomorrow, if she was going to make it in this world, her and the little one. But for right now, it would be enough.

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They stared at each other across the crowded classroom, both too shocked to know what to say. Well, Buffy was shocked. He looked more panicked to her eyes. So far most of her classes had been geared toward parenting teens and girls. He hadn't been in any of those. Tonight was the first of a series of classes for the Independent Living Program and there were new faces she had never seen before here tonight. Many more male faces as a matter of fact. Her surprise was absolute when she saw that Larry was one of them.

His panic turned to action as Buffy watched him bolt from the room toward the parking lot. She hesitated a moment then ran after him. He was a disgusting prick and she didn't know what brought him here but she was not going to be the reason he flunked out on the first night.

"Larry!" she caught up to him by the entrance.

He turned and gave her his best Larry-leer. "Hey Buffy, lookin' good." He always made that sound so dirty.

"Don't leave. Class hasn't even started yet." She didn't really know why she tried with him. The way he was undressing her with his eyes right now, she should be happy to have him drop out.

"Wrong class. Wrong night. Whatever," he covered with a big grin. "So what're you doin' here? Oh wait, I heard you were in some drug program, right?"

_Thank you, Warren._

"I'm in the system. And I have a feeling you know exactly what night and class this is and it isn't any mistake," she stared hard at him. "I'm not gonna tell anyone I saw you here if that's what you're leaving for. So if you leave now, don't blame me for you flunking out. It's your choice."

She turned around to go back inside but he called after her. "Okay!"

She turned around and saw both sincerity and fear written on his face. He didn't really want to leave. He just didn't know if he dared to stay. "I'll play nice if you will."

"Deal."

He nodded and followed her back inside.

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At break time Buffy had intended to catch up with Kendra and Lily but Larry was sitting alone and looked kind of miserable so she decided to see if he would talk to her. He was such a pig she had no idea why she was doing this but there was something about him tonight, some vulnerability, that she was helpless to ignore.

So they spent five minutes verbally circling each other but then broke through when Buffy told him a much edited story of her life up to this point, leaving out any mention of Katie. She wasn't ready for that yet. He did commiserate with her about being stuck with a relative of Harmony's. He called it 'doing hard time'.

And that was how Buffy discovered that Larry was gay. He had tried to come out to his parents but they didn't take it well at all and threw him out of the house. He slept on the street for a couple of days before the police picked him up and he was placed in foster care for his own protection. His father had threatened to hurt him if he came back to their house. He had been thirteen, and that was the last time he told anyone about his gender preferences.

Buffy thought he played it pretty close to the vest, what with the constant sexual harassment of the girls and all. She asked him if, now that they had confided in each other, would he at least stop harassing her? He said he'd think about it. But probably not.

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Hope you liked it okay and would love to hear a review if you can. Thanks.

Sara


	36. Chapter 75

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Author's Note: Thank you all for your kind reviews. They help a lot. The story is already plotted out but your input is very helpful and interesting and lets me know if I'm telling the story in a way that is translating to you all or if I've completely missed the mark with a chapter. There is a rule that says if you've introduced a gun in the first act you have to use it by the third act. I have a lot of plotlines and situations simmering in this fic and I promise that they will be handled when their time comes. And not in any two chapter quickie ending, either. I can guarantee that I will not fizzle out on you and tie up everything fast and end it suddenly. But it's gonna take it's time to unfold. Hope you can stay on board for all of it. Thanks again, I appreciate you all.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Seventy-Five**_

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_What's It All About?_

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Buffy waited until she was certain the coast was clear before venturing downstairs for a bite to eat for breakfast. It was Saturday morning in early March and she had been actively avoiding her foster parents for three weeks now. That had been when Harmony first told Rosemary that Buffy had stolen 'her boyfriend', causing her foster mother to ignite into an even greater cycle of jealous rages and stony silences, both with Buffy and with John. It didn't make sense to Buffy. If Rosemary thought she was after her husband wouldn't she be relieved that there _was_ a boyfriend in the picture? Instead, she was acting all jealous on behalf of her sister. She really hated that family. There was one positive outcome of Rosemary's latest irrationality: John spent less time at home.

Honestly she didn't know why they kept her. Rosemary obviously hated her by this point and the atmosphere was more than chilly. They didn't seem to need the money. She thought about it a lot and the only thing she could come up with was that John wanted her around and Rosemary couldn't convince him to get rid of her.

She tried not to think too much about why John wanted her around. His too-friendly behavior had continued unabated but had not increased in intensity so Buffy was still convinced she could handle him for the remainder of her time there. Her custody hearing was scheduled in early April. All she had to do was make it until then and her problem with John and Rosemary would be a distant memory.

Three weeks ago was also the time that Rosemary spilled the beans to Harmony about Katie. Buffy knew the woman had done it out of pure spite in retaliation for walking in on John laughing with and teasing Buffy earlier that morning during breakfast.

Harmony had been delighted with this bit of gossip and spread the word to her friends. As far as she could tell from the snide remarks and snickers she received it hadn't gone further than that crowd. It also explained Drusilla's mean spirited 'gift' on Valentine's Day. She tried not to care but it was hard to ignore sometimes. When she was feeling particularly low she'd seek out Spike and he would take her aside and remind her why none of it mattered. He was good that way.

"You're still here?" a voice dripping with ice came from the doorway. "I thought you were going out today." Rosemary moved slowly to the refrigerator and stood before its open door contemplating what to eat.

Buffy groaned inwardly. Putting on what she hoped was a friendly face, she got up from the breakfast bar to rinse her dishes and put them in the dishwasher. That done, she turned to face Rosemary, who was still in front of the refrigerator.

"Yeah, I'm just leaving now. I'm going to meet Willow. We're gonna look for something for her to wear for a date she has coming up."

Rosemary continued to stare silently into the refrigerator as though Buffy hadn't spoken. After waiting a moment and receiving no response at all Buffy decided to cut out before things became more unpleasant.

"So I'm outta here," she ended casually. "Bye."

She made it as far as the door when Rosemary finally spoke. "You mean Spike."

_Damn. So close._

"Spike?" She turned to see Rosemary was watching her.

"You're meeting Spike, right? Not _Willow_."

Buffy tried not to show her irritation. "No. Willow. I'm just helping her find a dress for a date."

Rosemary stared blankly at her for a moment then turned back to the refrigerator. Buffy took this as a sign that the conversation was over and left quickly, only too glad that their brief encounter hadn't erupted into something more. Nowadays she never knew what would set the woman off.

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"This is so weird."

"Yeah?"

"Maybe I shouldn't have come here."

"You were the one who wanted to come."

Willow looked at herself in the dressing room mirror. "I don't think this is me."

Buffy gave her friend a frankly appraising look and frowned. "It is a little much."

"A little much?!" Willow squeaked. "I look like a whorehouse threw up on me!"

Buffy considered some more and nodded decisively. "You're right. It looks like something Drusilla would wear."

Alarmed, Willow pushed Buffy out of the dressing room and worked to get out of the red and black teddy and garters as though she'd been set afire.

Soon Buffy came back and handed a chemise over the half-door. "Maybe a more bridal look would be better," she declared knowledgably. "Try this."

While Willow donned the new garment Buffy sat down on a chair outside the door.

"So where is he taking you?"

"He won't say, just told me to dress nice for dinner and pack an overnight bag." Willow opened the door and waited for the verdict.

"Oh, Willow, that's it!" She wore a satin chemise in baby pink trimmed with a delicate lace. It was just long enough to cover her bottom and showed enough cleavage to be enticing without being slutty. "You look like an angel! Demure but still sexy."

Willow smiled hopefully. "It's pretty, isn't it?"

Buffy grinned, "Oz isn't gonna know which way is up when he sees you in that tonight!"

"That's the plan," Willow nodded then blushed when she realized all of the implications of that statement.

Buffy chuckled at how embarrassed Willow was by all of this as she gathered up the discarded lingerie to put on the returns rack. Willow and Oz were going to be together for the first time tonight and the poor girl was a ball of nervous giddiness. But she knew that her friend was in love and that Oz loved her and it would all be just perfect for her tonight.

Buffy picked up the delicate teddy she had tried on earlier and ran the soft satin and lace though her fingers. She couldn't afford it, of course, but it was fun to try it on and imagine wearing it the first time she was with Spike. The first time; that was a thought. It had been three weeks since that Valentine's night when they had gone just a little bit further and that's pretty much where she'd left it.

She loved what they did when they were alone - the kisses, the touching - everything. But she couldn't quite make the leap to more intimacy and she knew he was becoming frustrated. Not irritated-frustrated, she didn't think, but just aching for more from her. She wanted more too but she was afraid. Afraid of what he'd think of her, whether she'd measure up to his expectations, whether becoming fully intimate would spell the beginning of the end for them. After all, except for Drusilla, that had been the death knell for all of his other relationships.

It was silly, she knew it. She meant more to him than that; she'd decided that weeks ago. No, if she were honest with herself it wasn't Spike's feelings or intentions that made her pause, it was her own insecurity about being good enough for him. She had almost spoken to Olivia about it last week but chickened out at the last minute. She knew that, aside from her foster parents, the adults around her would not agree with her decision to become sexually active and there was just too much at stake to risk letting them know anything at all about her personal life like that. They'd be all judge-y and might try to split them up or something. She couldn't risk that happening. She'd just have to work it out on her own.

"Ready?" Willow popped out of the dressing room fully dressed with the pink chemise in hand.

"Yep," Buffy stood and hung her teddy back on the return rack.

"You're not getting it?"

"No, I decided it wasn't quite the right one. I'll look again another day." She smiled at her best friend and willed her not to pursue the subject any further.

"Okay." Willow looked doubtful but thankfully let it go.

With a last longing glance at the slip of satin. Buffy sighed and followed Willow to the register.

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"…so with all of the choices and options available to girls today, there is no excuse whatsoever for an unplanned pregnancy. Does that answer your question today, Ms Kendall?"

Harmony smiled sweetly. "Yes, thank you Dr Walsh." She let her glance slip sideways to where a mortified Buffy sat, and gave her a big grin.

Buffy gazed out the window trying to ignore the pointed stares and snickers of some of her classmates and prayed desperately for Dr Walsh to change the subject. She had been relieved that they were finally finishing up their section on pregnancy and childbirth this week but Harmony just had to torment her with these questions that half of the class knew were digs directed right at her. She brought the subject up in one way or another almost every day.

"Listen up, people," Dr Walsh silenced the snickering students. "The school district has determined that you should all get a taste of parenthood in the hope that you will not make the monumental mistake of actually becoming parents yourselves. Please follow me."

Dr Walsh led the entire class to the library. In a back corner of the room sat an assortment of lifelike baby dolls, complete with full size car seats.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Buffy swore under her breath. She could see Giles lurking in his office, no doubt hiding from the student invasion. She saw that Spike was frozen where he stood and she desperately wished she knew what he was thinking. She turned to her right where Willow and Xander were staring, mouths open. "Did you know about this?" she whispered to the stunned girl.

"Nope. Nosiree. I did not," Willow murmured under her breath.

Dr Walsh clapped her hands together to silence the excited students. "This is a new project, starting with your class this semester. Next year all Health class students will participate. Ideally we would have you each take an infant but the budget won't allow for it. Therefore we will do this as a team project. Please choose a partner to share parenting duties, select a baby and bring it back to class with you for further instructions." She looked at the clock. "You have ten minutes."

As Dr Walsh watched dispassionately the students milled around and attempted to pair up for the assignment.

Willow sighed and threw Xander a hopeful look. "So. You wanna?"

"Sure, Will," he punched her arm and gave her a goofy grin. "I'll be your baby-daddy!"

Spike stepped closer to Buffy and jerked his head toward the fake babies. "Well this is…different."

She couldn't read him at all. "I think the words you're going for are 'incredibly weird and uncomfortable'," she whispered anxiously. "I can't believe they're making me do this."

He tilted his head and quirked his mouth into a half-smile. "I don't know. I think I'd like to play daddy with you."

"Ohhhh, that's so sweet," she took his hand in hers and smiled up at him. "Wait," she frowned, suddenly unsure of his meaning. "What?"

He just grinned and waggled his eyebrows at her, removing all doubt as to his meaning.

"Pig." She dropped his hand and, with a withering look, turned toward where a crowd of students had now gathered around the dolls . "We'd better pick up junior before all the good ones are gone," she suggested irritably.

"They all look the same to me, pet."

"Just my luck we'll get a colicky one," she muttered to herself and headed over to find an infant. Spike chuckled at her pessimism and trailed right behind her.

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She'd insisted on choosing a boy doll which they named 'Alfie' because Buffy said he looked like an Alfie to her. Spike had no idea what an Alfie looked like but he didn't object. In fact, Buffy's mood was so sour about the entire assignment that he decided the safest thing to do was to just go along to get along. He made no more jokes about being her daddy, although he had a dozen of them ready to go.

The dolls were computerized to cry if they tipped over, were put down for too long, lacked head support, or really just for no reason whatsoever. The student had a special key strapped to their wrist which had to be inserted into a slot to stop the screeching infant from crying. The idea was to discourage pregnancy by simulating for three days the sheer exhaustion and aggravation of caring for a young infant.

Buffy was not a happy camper. She had already been there and done that and was not eager to do it again now. She also was worried about how Spike would take to this, whether he would suddenly realize that having a child was a lot of trouble and rethink being in a relationship with her. After all, Katie had that whole adorable cuteness thing going for her to offset the bothersome details of her care. This doll had only two settings: boring and annoying. She really counted on the adorableness factor to help ease Spike over the hard spots with her daughter. This doll could really mess up that plan.

She decided that there was only one thing she could do: subtly take over the entire assignment so that Spike wouldn't find out how bad it could really be. That thought didn't improve her feelings about the project any, but she felt she could fake it for a little while, at least when he was around.

After school Alfie went off while Spike was trying to figure out how to get the car seat into his car. Buffy grabbed the doll out of the seat and inserted her key quickly, holding it against her shoulder as though it were real. Whenever Spike would glance in her direction she would plaster a big smile on her face and indicate that all was going well. Her plan was to simply react faster than he did to the doll when they were together and make it seem like she was having fun doing it. With any luck he would forget he had anything to do with it at all.

It was Friday, and they were supposed to take turns over the weekend and bring the doll back on Monday for a final report and computer download of their responses to the doll's cries. If she could talk him into letting her keep the doll all weekend he might not experience the anticipated irritation of all things baby by the time Monday rolled around and be none the wiser.

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She could not believe that she actually did get one of the dolls programmed with colic. She had managed to get the doll for Friday night with very little resistance from Spike. Although she did convince him to let her have all of Sunday, she had not been able to prevent him from coming over Saturday so they would be spending that entire day and evening taking care of Alfie together. If she didn't get some real sleep soon she was going be a wreck tomorrow.

"God, Alfie, go to sleep already!" she growled at him from underneath the pillow she had pulled over her head.

It was three o'clock in the morning and the annoying doll had been going off every ten to thirty minutes since dinner time. She had managed to grab a few minutes sleep during gaps but it wasn't enough to make any real difference. As soon as she drifted off the thing would start crying again.

"Buffy! Shut that thing up!" a distant voice yelled from the other end of the hallway. John this time.

"Sorry!" She roused herself and quickly slammed the key into the doll, which immediately stopped screeching. She looked at her clock. "Damn it. That was only twenty-three minutes."

She settled herself against the headboard to hold the doll until the 'feeding period' it had started was finished and she could remove the key. At this rate she was going to be a zombie when Spike arrived in the morning.

Spike. She so wished he was here with her now and the stupid baby project was done and forgotten. She had given it a lot of thought this last week and finally decided it was time. Willow had told her how wonderful her date last Saturday had gone and how very gentle and sweet Oz had been with her. She was all glowy and happy and had actually forgotten to do a homework assignment for the first time in her entire life and she didn't even care.

Buffy wanted to be all glowy and happy and forget things, too, as long as it was because of him. She wasn't sure how to tell him, though. She wanted it to be perfect and not just some quickie in a car. There would have to be a date and a plan. Like Oz did for Willow. She wanted Spike to make a plan, but she didn't want to tell him to make a plan. The key was to get him to plan the perfect first time for them without him knowing she was doing it.

_Thinking about how to have sex with my boyfriend while holding the frickin' doll at three am is probably not what they were going for._ she chuckled to herself, unfortunately tipping the baby too much and setting it off again.

"Buffy!"

"Sorry!"

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It was eight o'clock Saturday night and they had spent the entire day together taking care of Alfie, even taking turns to eat dinner so that one of them could continue to hold the colicky doll. Today he seemed to go off on them any time he wasn't being held. As Saturday nights went it wasn't exciting but Spike was happy that at least they were spending the time together. Now they were settled in the family room of her house to watch DVDs and make sure little Alfie didn't cry too much.

Well, Spike was watching DVDs anyway. Buffy had nodded off an hour ago, curled up on the sofa where she had slipped down beside him. It was only the second time since the project began that he had been able to wrest the doll away from her. She was exhausted with dark circles under her eyes but she was still incredibly beautiful to him, curled up with her hands under her cheek and her head upon his knee. He ran his fingers through the silky strands of her hair and watched her sigh and shift in her sleep. So beautiful.

He thought about how dedicated she was during this assignment, and he really admired how, although irritated at first, she had cheerfully thrown herself into the thing. And this in spite of how much it must hurt her to be forced to care for a doll when she was denied the care of the daughter she missed so terribly. Frankly, he was becoming concerned at the toll the separation from Katie seemed to be taking on her emotional state.

Because she seemed _really_ attached to little Alfie.

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Hope you liked this little chapter. Things are unfolding as they should. More is coming.

Sara


	37. Chapter 76

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Author's Note: Sorry about the slight delay. I strained my right biceps and was restricted from typing for awhile. This is my first attempt to type out a chapter so wish me luck that it doesn't make the muscle hurt worse for a bit. Thank you for all your reviews, they mean a lot to me. For those of you trying to keep track, this chapter starts on a Monday and ends on a Wednesday of the same week, the day before St Patrick's Day. I say this because it's a big week, and when spread out over several chapters sometimes it's hard to remember that it's really a very short span of lapsed time. Enjoy!

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_**Chapter Seventy-Six**_

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_Conversations_

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How she managed to get through Sunday Buffy didn't know. A dozen times she wanted to call Spike to come and take Alfie away but she stayed strong and pushed through. She was even able to juggle the doll during her visit with Katie by making it a game to play with the little girl although there was a difficult moment when both her real baby and the fake one needed her attention at the same time. Of course she chose Katie and if that counted against her she would live with it. She had turned in the doll first thing Monday morning and was happy to be rid of the thing. She was supposed to go to ILP tonight but no power on this earth was going to make that happen when there was a bed at home waiting for her. Right now all she wanted in the world was to get through Monday's classes and then Spike would drive her home and she would sleep forever and ever...

"Ms Kendall. Mr West. You have registered four instances of crying over thirty minutes and disconnected the battery altogether during the last twenty four hours."

"You can tell all that from that little piece of paper?" Harmony smiled nervously.

"You have failed the assignment."

"Failed?! But we did it _mostly!_" She glanced at her partner, who shrugged disinterestedly.

"Ms Kendall, you actually killed your assigned child yesterday. And that is a fail," Dr Walsh informed the confused girl.

"What does that mean?" Harmony asked worriedly.

"Don't ever have children," Dr Walsh ordered her curtly and moved on to the next student team's printout.

Spike watched as Buffy all but nodded off in her chair and felt a stab of guilt for his lack of participation in the assignment. If he had taken care of Alfie on Sunday she wouldn't be so tired. But she would barely permit him to hold the damn doll much less take it home with him. He should have insisted.

When it was time for Spike and Buffy's printout he was pleased to see that it was one of the better results in the class. Buffy closed her eyes with a whispered 'yes!' and he had to nudge her to wake her up again when she immediately fell asleep.

"One more class, luv, then we'll get you in bed," he leaned over and whispered in her ear when Walsh's back was turned.

Bed. She was going to talk to Willow about something…

Spike nudged her again.

"Awake! I'm awake." She sat up straighter and gave him a bleary smile.

He gave her hand a little squeeze across the aisle. She was exhausted but her spirits seemed to be okay. Perhaps -- he hoped -- she wouldn't miss Alfie too much.

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"Friday is the third month anniversary of our fist kiss," Buffy explained to Willow the next day after school. "That would be a good time, don't you think?"

"Time?" She watched Buffy widen her eyes expectantly. "Oh! _Time!_" She nodded excitedly. "That would be so totally romantic! So you're sure?"

Buffy grinned at Willow's vicarious excitement over her announcement. "Yeah, I'm sure." The words now spoken, she realized how much that was really true. She sat back against the headboard where they sat alone in her bedroom and continued. "But I don't wanna just say 'let's do it now' or something. I want him to want to do it first."

"I'm pretty sure he wants to do it," Willow noted wryly. "He's probably wanted to do it for awhile now."

"Yeah, but I want it to be _special_. Like you and Oz. A whole date and everything, and not just in his messy room or the back of his car."

Willow gave her friend a patient smile. "So tell him."

"It's embarrassing."

"Why? You love each other. You both want this," she considered her best friend. She was such a mix of daring confidence and timid embarrassment.

"It's not like you and Oz, though. You've been together for more than a year. You're like, married or something," Buffy tried to explain, but Willow just stared at her as though she were crazed.

"Buffy. My friend. If you love each other and are ready, you should be able to talk about it," she took an almost parental tone. "I'm sure Spike isn't gonna just jump you the minute you bring it up. He'll make it special for you."

Buffy nodded and sighed, "You're right. He's Spike. He'll make it right. Hey that rhymes!" She smiled brightly.

Willow just shook her head and smiled at her best friend, and the two girls set to working out the when and the where of Buffy's talk with Spike about _it_.

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They were just going over Buffy's wardrobe when John came into her bedroom, clearly intending to shoot the breeze. Willow thought that he seemed to bring himself up short when he saw her standing there also, and he left rather quickly. She had the feeling once more that John's motives were less than pure and immediately regretted not speaking to Buffy about him more seriously earlier in the year when she first thought to do so. If not now, then when?

She shut the bedroom door with care as she watched Buffy hold up a silky halter dress and view herself in the mirror.

"Um, Buffy," she approached her with hesitation. "How's it going with you and the Smith's lately?"

"Fine," she responded distractedly as she hung the dress back and searched again through the hangers in her closet for the right outfit.

"And… John?" She left the question hang there as Buffy stopped her search and turned to face her.

"What about him?" Buffy responded warily.

"Look, it's none of my business, I know this," Willow plunged ahead. "But he seems…kinda…close." She paused and watched Buffy narrow her eyes in question. "Too close? I mean, nothing you do at all, not you 'too close' but _he_ seems like he's kinda closer than he might-should be in a fatherly kind of way that's not really _fatherly_, you know?"

Buffy just stared at her for a long time, saying nothing. Willow was just about to backtrack and apologize for interfering when Buffy walked over to her bed and sat down heavily.

"You think so?" she stared at the skirt she held in her hands then looked up when Willow remained silent.

Willow sat down beside her and nodded. "I've thought so for awhile but I didn't know how to tell you. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be nosy or anything but he gives me the creeps and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I'd never forgive myself if I could have said something and didn't…"

Buffy shook her head and gave her friend a rueful little smile. "It's okay. I just didn't know it was so obvious. Not that he's done anything!" she quickly added. "But it's kinda like living in a 'very special episode' around here lately and really, it's exhausting trying to stay out of everyone's way all the time. They're both so weird all the time. He's all too-friendly and touchy and she's all silent and mean. I just try to avoid both of them as much as I can. Stupid Harmony's family."

Shocked, Willow didn't know what to say. Buffy had never confided so much about her home life to her before, and it was worse than she realized. "That's awful. I'm so sorry…How…I mean, what are you gonna do? You can't live like this."

Buffy turned toward Willow with a vigorous shake of her head. "No, no, it's all under control. I'm fine here, really. I can take care of myself." Taking hold of Willow's hands she insisted, "You can't tell anyone about this, Will. No one. Not Xander. Not Spike. Not even Oz."

Willow started to demur and Buffy cut her off. "I mean it, Will. I only have a little time left here and I just have to get through until April twelfth when I have my hearing and then they'll give Katie back to me and place us both somewhere else together again. It's just a few weeks, that's all. I can do four weeks more, easy. No problem at all."

Willow looked doubtful. "Why can't you tell Spike what's happening? He could help you. "

Alarmed, Buffy shook her head forcefully. "Especially not Spike! He'd totally overreact and get all protective boyfriend guy and I can't deal with that and come home to all this too. Please Willow. You can't tell _anyone_. I can't rock the boat, not now, not after everything I've done to get to this point. I almost have her back."

Willow looked in the eyes of her anxious best friend and couldn't deny her the silence she so desperately sought. With serious reservations, she nodded a promise to remain silent. But she didn't like it.

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Buffy saw Willow to the door and then followed the delicious aroma of fried chicken into the kitchen where dinner was being prepared. Surprisingly, it was just John and a bucket of take out being set out upon the table there. No Rosemary.

"Rosemary went to her parents' house for dinner tonight," he answered her unspoken question. "It's Harmony's birthday so they're having a little family dinner for her." John smiled as he watched Buffy approach the table.

"Why didn't you go, too?"

"I thought we could use a break for a change, and Harmony never really liked me anyway. I won't be missed." He gestured toward the food. "Come. Eat. Keep me company tonight."

Buffy thought he sounded rather lonely standing there next to his bucket of chicken, and she was pretty hungry all of a sudden. She smiled at him and seated herself at the opposite side of the table and helped herself to a leg. "Looks good."

He nodded as he loaded his plate with food. They ate in silence for a few minutes before he startled her by stating matter-of-factly, "Rosemary's been quite the bitch lately, don't you think?"

She didn't know what to say. He'd called his wife a bitch, which was quite true, but Buffy knew better than to agree with him so she just shrugged noncommittally and snatched some fries, hoping he'd drop the subject. She had lots of opinions on Rosemary but didn't want to offend him by offering any of them.

"I hate when she gets like this. It seems like we just fight all the time now."

"Seems like," Buffy responded quietly and chewed on another fry.

"We don't just talk anymore, you know? Not like you and I do. It's like she doesn't even want to be with me anymore."

He wasn't really eating, he was watching her eat. It made her nervous and she wished he would just shut up and eat his dinner. The whole subject made her very uncomfortable and she didn't know what to do about it.

"She's not the woman I married, you know? When I met her she was a lot like you. Young, cheerful, full of life…" he stared longingly at the girl seated across from him. "Beautiful."

Buffy almost choked on her drink at the unexpected turn in the conversation. This was dangerous territory. Without looking at him, she tried to deflect him with something inconsequential. "This chicken's really good. New place?"

John just stared at her and said nothing. She could feel his eyes boring into her, sizing her up. A quick glance caught him out, raking his eyes over her body. She knew that look; it was filled with lust and desire and hope. She realized suddenly that her hands had begun to tremble. Her appetite gone, she pushed her plate away and made to get up and leave the table.

That roused him to action and he grabbed her arm as she tried to walk past him toward the stairs. "Buffy, please. Don't go," the words were a plea but came out as a command. "I don't want to eat alone. Neither one of us needs to be alone…"

She twisted out of his grasp and turned on him. "I'm not… Look, I'm sorry, I'm so tired, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. The chicken, it's just… I have to go."

"Buffy wait!"

She fled upstairs and locked herself in her bathroom, uncertain whether he would pursue her or not. If he did, she would just pretend to be sick until he went away. It wasn't a great plan but it was the only one she had.

Just four more weeks.

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Buffy sat in Creative Writing staring listlessly out of the window, contemplating the events of the evening before.

John had followed her upstairs last night and had almost gone as far as unlocking the bathroom door from the outside, just to make sure she was alright. Those were his words - just to make sure she was alright - but she was certain it wasn't his real meaning. With a few well timed vomiting sounds and a flush she managed to talk him out of it. She turned on the faucet in the bath. She wanted to bathe and go to bed early - she was just tired from the doll experiment, she had lied artlessly. He seemed unconvinced but finally he left her alone.

For the first time she felt like she really was in over her head in that house. But she had no where else to go and could not afford to make waves right now. Four weeks had never seemed like it was that long until today. She thought back on all her assurances to Willow the day before about how she had it all under control and shook her head in dismay at how quickly it had all turned on her. She was no longer completely sure that she could handle this alone. And yet she felt she had no choice.

She wanted so much to talk to Spike about this, to find comfort in his embrace and the strength of his arms. With his strength she could endure until her hearing, she was sure of it. She was beginning to think that if she trusted him enough to sleep with him she should trust him enough to hold her secrets safe. Even messy upsetting secrets like this one. Part of her knew it was a bad idea to tell him, that he couldn't handle it, but another part just wanted him to hold her and assure her that she would be okay in spite of everything going on in her life right now. She so desperately wanted to hear that from him, and to believe it to be true.

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"You're awful quiet," he turned to her once they got in his car, still parked in the school lot at the end of classes for the day.

"Just thinking about our date tomorrow night," she lied with a small smile.

His eyes narrowed in concern; he wasn't fooled. "You look like somebody killed your puppy and we haven't even gone out yet. I hope I inspire more confidence than that, luv." He pulled her over to sit closer to him on the bench seat. "Now then, what's really wrong?"

"Nothing," she looked up at him with wide eyes. "St Patrick's Day tomorrow. Always makes me kinda sad. It's all green, people pinching each other. Plus, leprechauns are kinda creepy, don't you think?"

He was having none of it. Shaking his head he leaned back and looked her straight in the eyes. "Buffy," he demanded sternly. "What's wrong?"

She sighed unhappily. She needed to do this. "Promise you'll stay calm."

He stilled, every muscle in his body on edge. "Calm. Okay, luv. I'm calm."

She watched him carefully. He was the tensest calm man she had ever seen. But she had committed herself now, and she had to go forward and confide in him. If she were honest, she really wanted to confide in him now, even if he did seem a little edgy. She needed him to talk to about this, she couldn't just keep it all inside anymore. Perhaps if she talked around it a bit, didn't tell him everything, it would go down easier.

"Things haven't been all that good at home lately," she hesitated, then continued when he remained silent. "Rosemary hates me and barely comes downstairs any more, and John…well, John…"

"Yeah?" he asked warily. He had a bad feeling about where this was going.

"He hasn't done anything, really," she hurried to explain. "But he's _there_, you know, all the time. And it's kind of uncomfortable, the way he talks to me, like we're friends or something. Since we're not friends, you know? We're not like that."

Spike curled his fists and reined in his temper. "What has he done that's got you so spooked? He's done something. You aren't upset because he's suddenly started talking to you about baseball, yeah?" This last was said with some venom. He was losing the battle to keep his temper in check. "He's tried something with you, yeah?"

"No! I mean, not really. Nothing really major," she fumbled for the right words. She wanted his support not his outrage and she was walking a thin line here. "It's just with Rosemary so sick and upstairs and all he's been spending more time with me, and he gets lonely and wants to talk to someone and sometimes he talks to _me_ and it's just really weird." She bit her lower lip worriedly. "You know. Sometimes," she finished lamely. She kept her eyes on her hands twisting in her lap, and waited for his reaction.

The silence was killing her. She gathered her courage and looked up at him to gauge his reaction. He was quiet. He was calm. His jaw was doing that ticking thing. Oh, this was not good.

"Spike?" she attempted to draw him out. "I don't want you to get all upset and worried or anything, it's really not that big a deal. I shouldn't have mentioned it. It's nothing. Really."

He shook his head in what was becoming apparent to Buffy was a controlled rage. "That bloody wanker, I'll kill him," he swore angrily. "Dare to touch you…"

"No!" Buffy sat up straighter, panicked. "No, Spike, no! He didn't touch me, it wasn't like that. Please, don't do _anything!_ I just wanted to talk about it, like I promised you I'd tell you if I needed you but I just wanted to talk to you, please don't do anything, please, please don't ruin this for me…" She was frantic in her desperation to back him away from taking action on her behalf.

He just kept shaking his head and pulled further away from her on the seat. He couldn't stay in the car any longer, he needed to pace, release this anger that boiled up inside of him. The thought of that bastard even thinking about touching his girl infuriated him; he was barely rational. He jerked the door open and lunged out of the car, pacing angrily the length of the DeSoto.

Buffy was crestfallen. She had expected him to be upset but the reality of it was overwhelming her. She just wanted to talk to him, not deal with his anger. She got out of the car and tried to stop his furious pacing to reason with him.

"Spike, please, you're making a scene and it's not that bad, really it's not!" She pleaded with him to stop moving and come back in the car again but he just shook her off and continued pacing and swearing and raining all manner of British curses down upon her foster father's head.

But that was exactly the wrong thing to do: shaking her off had the effect of shaking her awake as well, and her anger rose. Who was he to make a scene and shake her off like she had no say in what happened in her own life? This was her problem and her life and she just wanted him to support her not take over and make her feel even worse and her life more out of control. This wasn't his battle and he should respect her more than this. She regretted confiding in him at all.

Furious now, she stood before him to stop him pacing and used her outstretched hands to push him back, to stop his angry circuit. He stopped, but not before he shot her an angry look that took her by surprise. She hadn't been expecting him to direct his rage her way.

All he could see was red, he was so mad at that bastard for making her life even harder than it already was. And that he would touch her, make her feel unsafe with him? She was his girl, and that wanker had no right to touch what was his. That was unforgivable and he would pay for it dearly. He didn't yet know how but he would pay for it. He was so lost in his own angry internal diatribe that he did not really register where Buffy stood and was startled when she angrily pushed him back and stopped his pacing. In a split second of thoughtlessness he reacted in anger to being thwarted and shot her an angry glare.

He watched her face and saw anger there as well. Angry with him. Was she defending the wanker now? Bloody brilliant, that. She had no idea what men were like, what an old codger like John could do to her once he had his sights on her. That last seemed wrong somehow but he was beyond rational thinking now, he'd let his fury take over completely and was operating on pure male protectiveness and testosterone. He would not let anyone stop him from protecting her. Not even her.

"Don't you bloody defend him," he snarled. "He deserves whatever he gets, and more. And I'm gonna make sure he gets it!"

"Stop it! I told you I just have to wait a little longer there and I'm done. Don't make trouble for me just because you have to prove you're some big man gonna take care of the poor little girl! I'm not a weak little girl and I can take care of myself! I don't need you to do anything but listen to me! I just wanted to talk to you about it!" She wanted to scream but kids were looking their way and she didn't want to air her business in the parking lot like this. She realized too late that she should have waited until they left school to have this discussion.

He was beyond reason now and would not get back in the car with her. She tried to take his hand and lead him inside but he pulled away and stared at her like she was a madwoman.

"Listen to you! Just _listen_ to you!? You tell me this and you think I can just sit there and listen to you!?" he shouted.

"Shh, people are staring!" she tried again to get him into the car, but he would not.

He looked about him a moment and lowered his voice a notch. "I _love you_. I can't just sit here and listen to you tell me that that wanker is molesting you and do nothing!! How do you not see that!?"

She folded her arms over her chest and glared back at him. "He's not… doing that… He just makes me uncomfortable and I can _handle_ him just fine. I'm sorry I mentioned it. Just forget it!"

He gaped at her in astonishment. "Forget it!?"

"Yeah, Spike. Forget it!" She pulled her bag out of his car and marched back inside the school building without looking back.

Too upset to follow, he just watched her disappear inside.

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"Buffy, please calm down. It can't be that bad," Willow pleaded with the crying girl in the bathroom stall.

Buffy had run into Willow, Oz, and Xander on her way back inside and suddenly her anger turned to tears and she dove for the nearest girls' restroom. With a confused shrug to her boyfriend, Willow had followed her.

"What happened? Did you have a fight?" Willow wanted to help but she had nothing to work with here.

Finally Buffy emerged from the stall, eyes red and puffy although the tears had slowed considerably. "Boys are stupid," she pronounced grumpily and blew her nose.

Grasping for information, Willow asked, "He turned you down?"

"What?" Buffy splashed cold water on her face and watched her friend through the mirror.

"Did you tell him you want to…you know? And he turned you down?" Willow thought it unlikely but this level of conflict and hurt would track with such a conversation.

Buffy was astonished at the question. "No, of course not. I didn't even talk to him yet. That's tomorrow night, remember?"

"Oh, right. Well what then? I know boys are dumb but exactly how dumb was he?"

"Very very dumb," she bit out. "I tried to talk to him about how I felt about John and Rosemary, the way they are at home, and he jumped to the wild conclusion that John's molesting me or something and he's completely gone off the rails out there, pacing and yelling and threatening to hurt him and all I wanted to do was talk to him and now he's gonna make it into some huge thing and mess up my last few weeks at the Smith's house and get me into trouble!" She ended with a fresh spate of angry tears.

Willow was confused. "You said last night you weren't going to tell Spike…Wait. Did John do something last night?" She moved to put her arm around her friend's shoulders in support. "Did something change?"

Quietened, Buffy softly confided to Willow the events of the prior evening.

"Well, I guess that's why Spike went nutso on you. I mean, he's gonna react to that, right?" Willow suggested calmly.

"I never even got that far!" Buffy complained. "I barely told him anything at all and this is what I get!" She was increasing in volume again. "I just wanted to tell him how it was, is all. I didn't want him to go all cavemanly on me."

"He loves you," Willow said reasonably. "He just wants you to be safe. He'll calm down and you'll be able to talk about it. You'll see." She hoped. "He just gets all worked up in the beginning, but he'll come around."

"Will he?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"Sure, he'll be fine. Just you wait and see," Willow pronounced with much more confidence than she felt. "Let's get your face cleaned up and then Oz and I will take you home."

She watched Buffy's face crumple. "To my house," she corrected.

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Oz and Xander headed outside to where they could see Spike leaning against his car staring angrily at the ground.

"What happened?" Xander ventured when they got close enough to speak confidentially to their fuming friend.

Spike was the picture of righteous anger. "She doesn't feel safe in her own home, she says."

"So you yelled at her," Oz responded mildly. "Interesting."

Xander nodded agreeably. "Yeah. I can't imagine why that didn't work out for you."

Spike just glared unhappily at his friends, although he had calmed down enough now to realize that his furious rantings were probably not the wisest response he could have offered.

"Willow's with her," Xander informed him. "She'll be okay."

"Can you take her home?" Spike asked Oz as he stared at the school building where Buffy had disappeared.

"Sure."

Spike started to turn away then looked over to Oz. "No, not home. To Willow's, yeah?"

Oz considered him for a moment, then nodded.

"Where you goin'?" Xander asked with some concern. "You're not gonna do something stupid, are you?"

Spike walked around to the driver's side of his car and turned to Xander with a shake of his head. "No. Just make it worse, won't I?" He got in his car and revved the engine before tearing out of the parking lot.

He didn't want to admit it to his friends but Buffy was right. He wanted to think he was the big strong man taking care of his girl but in reality he was just a guy who had to stand aside and watch her deal with impossible situations as best she could by herself. So far the only thing he had accomplished was making her cry even more.

When all was said and done, he was bloody useless.

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Hope you're still with me. Please leave a review if you can. Thanks.

Sara


	38. Chapter 77

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Author's Note: Okay, I know it's been too long but my biceps problem was a little more severe than I originally thought. Typing those several chapters was a great strain and kept it aggravated so I've been on a forced rest. Anyway, here's hoping that I've healed up enough to get some chapters out, although not a bunch in one week like last time. Moderation in all things…

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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**Chapter Seventy-Seven **

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_Further Conversations_

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"Willow!" her mother called through her closed bedroom door.

With an apology to Buffy, Willow left the room to talk to her mother. It was unfortunate that her mom was actually home this evening. Willow had hoped to have Buffy spend the night but her mother would never permit that on a school night. Willow suspected the rule had more to do with not inconveniencing her mother than with any concern over Willow's sleep or school performance, which was never in doubt anyway. Her mom just didn't want to be bothered by having Willow's friends about underfoot and the 'no sleepovers on a school night' rule was as good an excuse as any for keeping them away.

If her mother only knew how few people she was actually keeping away.

"There's a young hoodlum on the porch who wishes to speak to you," she informed her daughter. "Oh, and Bunny needs to go home. It's after eight o'clock, and it's a school night." With a vague nod to her daughter, Mrs Rosenberg drifted away down the hall and went back to reading her book.

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Willow found Spike sitting on her front steps. He didn't move when she clicked the door shut behind her but she was certain he knew she was there. She watched him for a moment; he slouched carelessly, one hand dangling between his knees, the other holding a cigarette. She couldn't understand how someone so still could appear to be so aggressively active, but that was Spike. She sat down next to him and neither spoke for a minute.

"She's inside, yeah?" he exhaled a cloud of smoke which made her cough. "Sorry," he muttered and stabbed the cigarette out on the step.

Willow frowned at the butt that now stained the cement. "Yep."

He glanced sideways at her. "She goin' home tonight?"

"Yeah, but Spike --"

"Give 'er this, then," he stopped her, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a box.

Willow took the box from him with a puzzled frown. "What--"

"Just give it to 'er," he repeated gruffly as he stood and started to stride away down the walkway. He turned at the front gate and looked back over his shoulder. "Tell 'er…tell her if she can forgive me to give me a call tonight. Or even, if she can't, jus' call to let me know she's okay, yeah?"

"Sure, I'll tell her," Willow looked at the box again, then toward Spike. "But what…"

He was already gone.

xxxxx

The house was eerily still when Buffy arrived home just before nine. The downstairs was dark but for the light in the entry hall so she went straight to her room, relieved that there would be no unhappy confrontations this evening. Quickly she closed her bedroom door and placed a chair against the doorknob. She'd seen that work in a movie and hoped it carried through in the real world. She didn't want any visitors tonight.

She made fast work of getting ready for bed, then settled back against her headboard and took out the box Spike had left for her. She had to smile at it. He had been a complete and total jerk to her today, but he was trying, he really was. She couldn't believe he had bought this for her. It was a gesture both of trust and protection, all wrapped up in one little plastic rectangle.

She held in her hands a prepaid cell phone, with numbers for her friends and 911 already programmed in.

With a teary sigh, Buffy hit one on the speed dial. Spike picked up on the first ring.

xxxxx

The next morning Spike drove Buffy to school and they had a long talk about what they were now euphemistically calling 'the situation'. Buffy agreed to be as careful as possible, to let him know if things were going badly, and to use the cell phone to call for help if anything got out of hand at home, and Spike agreed to trust her to do that. He was far from satisfied with that resolution but it was the best he could come up with and it would have to do for now. Privately he was still determined to get her out of there, but he knew better than to voice that aloud for the time being.

xxxxx

Spike dropped Buffy off at home after school although he was loathe to do so. She gave him a stern look and warned him that he'd promised to trust her, and he had to agree that he did promise. She had homework to finish and a date to prepare for, she reminded him. With a sigh he pulled her in for a fierce hug and a kiss and let her go. He watched her walk up to her front door with a fierce intensity. When she turned to wave goodbye he plastered a smile on his face, knowing it was expected.

If this was going to work he was going to have to at least seem to be okay with it. Even if it killed him.

xxxxx

_Perfect_, Buffy groaned inwardly. Both John and Ben had settled in the family room this afternoon, and a quick dash upstairs had been thwarted when she let the front door close too loudly and caught their attention. Called out now, she reluctantly made an appearance in the kitchen to say hello, grab a snack, and get out of there as quickly as possible.

After a wisp of small talk John excused himself to head upstairs to make some business calls, leaving Buffy alone with Ben.

Buffy looked at Ben, then looked toward where John had gone and back to Ben. There just was no easy answer to which direction was safest here. Alone down here with Ben or alone upstairs with John? She chose Ben.

She avoided sitting with him by making herself a snack as slowly as she could. After a little inconsequential small talk she couldn't handle it any more and extricated herself to flee up the stairs. She hurried past John's office as quiet as a church mouse and shut herself up in her room again, chair firmly in place against the knob.

She stood very still and stared at her door for a full minute, waiting to see if anyone tried to follow her in. When nothing happened, she let out an exhausted sigh. This was going to get very old, very fast.

xxxxx

It may have been a mistake to take Buffy to The Wild Boar this Thursday evening, Spike thought ruefully. In his preoccupation with 'the situation' he'd forgotten about St Patrick's Day. The place was packed and noisy with both real and faux drunken Irish celebrants. Fortunately, Doyle let them have a booth in the far corner where there was a little less noise and congestion.

"Everything go okay at home today?" he asked with as much carelessness as he could.

"Fine, no problems."

Buffy smiled a little too brightly, but he let it pass. He was determined to trust her to let him know if things were bad. He couldn't fail on the first try. "Good then, that's good."

After an awkward silence, Buffy decided to change the subject before the date was completely doomed. "What was Ms. Robeson wearing today? All that green satin, with the ruffles?"

"Yeah, it looked like the Jolly Green Giant swallowed 'er."

Buffy laughed. This was more like it. "Yeah, and Mr Lancaster just pasted on that piece of green duct tape to his lapel so he'd have something green."

"Didn't get the memo, I guess." Spike smiled. It was stupid small talk but at least they were laughing and becoming comfortable again, so it was good. He thought perhaps this date was going to be all right after all. "And did you see--"

"I think we should do it now," Buffy blurted out of nowhere.

Spike stopped short and tilted his head in puzzlement. "Do what, luv?"

Buffy gulped a large swig of Diet Coke and cleared her throat. "It," she blushed.

Spike stared at her in confusion for a moment before comprehension hit. "It!?" he almost choked. "Now?!"

"Shh," she motioned for him to lower his voice. "Not now, not tonight," she leaned closer to whisper. "But we should make plans, you know? To…you know?"

Spike sat stunned for another moment. This was an unexpected turn of conversation. He took a long drink as well, then sat back a bit to consider his girlfriend. She was still blushing, but she was also gazing at him with the sweetest smile and love in her eyes and he knew she really meant what she was saying this time.

He smiled back at her and took her hands in his own, and nodded with as much gravity as his swelling heart would allow. "Yeah, we should make plans. If you're sure."

She gazed at him squarely in the eyes and nodded. "I'm sure."

They held hands over the table and just stared at each other for a few minutes until their order arrived. Spike was thinking wildly of how to sort this all out properly for her.

Buffy was completely overwhelmed by the enormity of what she had just agreed to and how totally right it all seemed. She was giddy and scared and excited all at once. But above all else, she was calm. Because she knew with perfect clarity that it was time, and that she would have no regrets.

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Please let me know what you think. Sara


	39. Chapter 78

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Author's Note: Well I would have posted this sooner but it's a long chapter and there's sex involved and you know me. This is a sexy chapter but my fervent desire was that it not come across in any way as crude. This story is not a 'they meet and have tons of hot sex' story (although those are delish). The sex in my story is necessary and part of the whole but certainly not a focus and I really want to keep it - although somewhat explicit - not overly so. I am trying for the feel of the thing, the intensity and experience of it, rather than a blow by blow get the reader riled up kind of thing. I am hoping that some of you will take the time to review and let me know if I accomplished that or whether it is too much or too little description, if the entire scene worked for you or not. I am so new to writing the sex scenes adequately, I have very little confidence in it. Please review and let me know if it worked or not.

I want to post more than once a week but it depends on the difficulty of the chapter and how well my arm holds up to the typing. So far I'm needing a couple of days rest afterwards and my arm seems to be okay. I hope that holds up over time because I am dying to get this written and posted. I appreciate everyone who continues to follow my story and especially those who stop to review and let me know how it's going. Your support means everything to me.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Seventy-Eight**_

xxxx

_Out of Context_

xxxx

When Buffy told Spike that they should 'make a plan' she had had no idea that things would unfold quite as quickly as they did. Now it was Saturday, a mere two days later, and through a fortuitous confluence of events she was sitting in Spike's car, racing up the coast and toward a new chapter in their relationship. It was both exhilarating and a little scary. She looked at him driving beside her, taking the curves with a practiced ease, the ocean expanse a dull grey whizzing past in the distance. She felt like she had stepped into the life of some other girl, that this couldn't be her in this car beside this beautiful man, heading for a destination that would truly leave her girlhood firmly behind her.

Giles and Jenny were making a weekend of it, going down to the Huntington Library to visit an old friend and see for themselves an ancient manuscript that had recently arrived there; Spike would not be missed overnight. Katie's foster parents had asked for and received permission to take the baby with them for a weekend trip to visit relatives which left Buffy free on Sunday. All Buffy had to do was tell her foster parents that she was spending Saturday night at Willow's and she was all set. The deception was so easy and the way was so clear for them that Buffy began to see it as a sign that this weekend was meant to be. She was by turns nervous, excited, and happy. But underneath it all had been that same deep calm she had felt on Thursday night.

He turned his head and smiled sexily at catching her watching him. Blushing, she looked away with an embarrassed grin. He laughed and put one arm around her shoulders for a quick reassuring squeeze before returning to the wheel for the next turn.

She sighed happily. Wherever he was taking her, whatever happened tonight, she trusted him to make it right for her. This was her time, and she was ready for him.

xxx

xxx

Spike pulled in to a parking space next to a restaurant on the beach front just as the sun was beginning to set over the ocean. They sat in silence for a moment, taking in the beauty of the sun's last rays disappearing into the water.

Spike turned to Buffy and tilted his head with a little smile. "Here we are, luv."

She shook her head in puzzlement. "Where are we?"

"Delario Beach. Lovely place. And this restaurant here," he nodded toward the nearby entrance. "has the best seafood in town." He unbuckled his seatbelt and took her in his arms for a solid embrace and a long kiss. Pulling back a little, he stroked her cheek lovingly, a note of awe in his voice. "I hope you like octopus."

"What!?" Startled, she drew back in alarm before she saw the teasing twinkle in his eyes. "Stop that!" She thwapped him on the chest.

He chuckled. "Sorry. I'm a bad rude man and you're just so easy to tease. Can't help m'self." He was happy to see that she let him kiss her again, and once he managed to pull himself away he got out of the car to escort her into the restaurant.

So far his plan to keep things light and playful was working. He grabbed her hand and led her happily inside for part one of what he hoped would be a remarkable evening.

xxx

xxx

An hour and a half and a lot of shrimp later, Spike led Buffy up to one in a row of small beachfront rental cottages. It was the off season so most of the rentals remained closed but this one had been opened and readied for them. It was basically a little house with a romantic and lovely large bedroom, a spacious and luxurious bath, and a small kitchenette tucked away in a tiny adjoining room. It was clearly meant to be more of a motel room than an actual home to live in but it was clean and decorated beautifully. A fire was ready to be lit in the fireplace and the bed was turned down for them.

Buffy turned around in surprise at the luxury and privacy of the room. "Spike, it's beautiful…how did you afford this?! This is so much!"

He shrugged nonchalantly as he helped her remove her jacket and placed their bags upon the bed. "I'd like to say that money is no object when it comes to the woman I love," he pulled her into a close embrace. "But the truth is, although I have the best of intentions I haven't the money yet to buy you everything you deserve. But I have good friends. Doyle owns this place and some others here. He let me have it for a small price this weekend, just to pay for the housekeeping."

"Wow, we'll have to find some way to thank him for this," Buffy grinned. "This is great!"

"He's a good sort, and he saw how special you are to me. Wasn't hard to get his permission."

Buffy bit her lip in sudden concern. Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, "Have you been here… before?"

"Before what?" Spike frowned slightly then realized what she was worrying about. "No! No, not at all. No one but you, luv. That's a promise."

Relieved, Buffy relaxed into his arms again for a moment before pulling back again. "Well…"

"Yeah…" Spike stared intently at her for a moment then caught himself and broke the spell. "I'll get a fire started, yeah?"

"And I'll unpack a few things…" she trailed off uncertainly.

He smiled as he watched her gaze hesitantly at the large four poster bed in the corner. "Let's get more comfortable and we can sit and watch the fire and talk for a while, yeah?" He nodded hopefully. He so wanted her to relax and let her guard down. She was still so skittish about this, although she assured him that she was ready to make this step with him. The last thing he wanted to do was push her too fast and ruin the evening.

"Okay," she nodded, relieved. She headed into the bathroom with her bag to freshen up while Spike lit the fire and removed all but his t-shirt and his jeans and settled back on the small sofa to wait for his girlfriend to return. He had done this so many times with so many girls that it shocked him how nervous he was about this particular time with this particular girl. He loved her so much and he wanted this to be so special for her that he had begun to feed off of her skittishness himself. He told himself to stop it, that he had to be the calm and confident one tonight and help her to relax and enjoy herself with him. He was the one with experience. He needed to guide her tonight, make it good for her.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear her come back into the room until she stood immediately before him.

"Bloody hell," he rasped in astonishment as he took in the form of his girlfriend.

Buffy had tortured herself with this decision, but finally forced herself to do what she knew she really wanted to do, regardless of her natural embarrassment. She stood before him now in nothing but a pink satin robe that came to mid-thigh, blushing from head to toe. Her self-doubt was relieved somewhat by the look of sheer awe she saw on her boyfriend's face and the fact that he rose to his feet to stand in front of her and take her into his arms with an almost reverent carefulness.

"You're…I….bloody hell," he whispered again.

She relaxed a little in his arms and with a small chuckle she nudged them toward the sofa. "We were gonna talk in front of the fire for a bit?" She nodded hopefully.

"Wha-?" he stuttered and pulled himself together quickly. "Yeah. Let's sit down." He settled her down upon the cushion but remained standing. "I saw Doyle left us some wine in the fridge…?" He offered tentatively.

"Wine? Um, oh…" she stumbled for the right response.

Spike saw her hesitation and sat down beside her at once. "Nevermind, we don't need it. I'm already drunk with the sight of you…"

"Yeah," she smiled softly and leaned against his shoulder, pulling her feet up beneath her as she settled down to watch the fire with him for awhile.

Spike leaned back and rubbed her shoulder gently as they quietly watched the flames leap up and crackle in the silent room. After a few minutes Buffy noticed that Spike was beginning to shift uncomfortably and realized his problem was growing bigger by the moment. In a bold move she sat up straighter to face him and put her arms about his neck and kissed him tenderly with a directness that belied her wildly beating heart. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back passionately, running his hands down her arms and up into the wide sleeves of her kimono robe and back again to cup her face.

She felt his hands move down her neck and inside the folds of her robe to cup and caress her breasts beneath the satiny fabric. She loved when he did that, it shot straight through to her womb and fired her passion instantly. She reached up and pulled his t-shirt off, leaving him in nothing but his jeans, which he unbuttoned to relieve the pressure there.

Before she lost her courage again, Buffy suddenly pulled away from his arms and stood up, holding a hand out to him to lead him toward the large bed.

Unaccustomed to her taking the lead in this way he sat stunned for a moment, then took her hand and rose to follow her. When she reached the bed she climbed up on it and, sitting on her legs, undid the belt of her robe and let it slip slowly down her arms to pool about her hips. She sat there, out of moves and rather alarmed at her boldness. She barely remembered to breathe as she waited to see what Spike would do now.

She sat there in the crackling firelight, like a goddess before him, golden hair spilling down her shoulders to the tops of her perfect breasts, a cloud of pink satin pooled around her, hiding her most private places from his view. It was a picture he would carry in his memory forever, this beautiful girl sitting naked before him, waiting for him…

"S' beautiful," he whispered under his breath. He stared at her for a few beats more, long enough to get her nerves up again; he watched as she tried to bring her robe up to cover herself once more. With a quick step forward he reached out to stop her. "No, no….please. You're so perfect, let me see you…Please."

Reassured a little, Buffy nodded and sat further down, her legs to her side and the robe pooling around her hips once more. Averting her gaze, she waited for him to make some move and after a brief pause he drew closer still. She felt him gently lift her chin in his hand and turned her eyes up to his. She looked into his face then, and really saw him; saw the look of tenderness and awe upon his gentle face; saw the love written there. This was the face of the man she loved and who loved her. She could trust this man. There was no reason for shame or fear. There was only love between them.

He watched the light of recognition pass through her, watched as she visibly relaxed beneath his gaze for the first time since she had first let go her robe. Letting his fingers slide into her hair he brought his lips down upon hers in a soft whisper of a kiss, a silent promise that he would handle her with care tonight. Stopping before his own lust broke through and defeated his purpose, he paused a moment to smile tenderly before speaking again. "Here, lay back, luv," he gently prompted her to slide over into the middle of the big bed, the robe falling completely away as she did so. While she was resettling herself Spike stepped out of his pants and, fully undressed now, climbed in beside her.

She had seen his body before but not completely unclothed as he was now, and the sight of him moving toward her nearly took her breath away. He was a gorgeous man in every way and part of her wanted to just lay there and watch him for awhile, drink in the beauty of him. She couldn't overcome her shyness, however, so she instead turned toward his waiting arms and embraced him fully. He felt so good in her arms and holding him felt much less awkward than being viewed at arm's length. She drew him further into her embrace, relaxed, and just reveled in the pure sensation of finally being with him.

He kissed her deeply as he held her close and he could feel her melting against him and into the kiss. With one arm he began drawing small circles on her back, widening the arc until he was cupping her bottom and then smoothing a pathway down the outside of her thighs. She was silky smooth and he was helpless to stop his restless hands exploring every inch of skin he could reach from this position. She broke the kiss with a soft sigh as she wrapped her arms more tightly around him and pulled him closer still, allowing one of his legs to slip between hers so that he leaned more fully over her now. He was delighted to feel her hands begin to roam over the wide expanse of his back and down to his hips, which she gave a little squeeze before moving back up his back again. He could feel her passion rising in her touch and the way she was moving beneath him now, as though her body had a mind of its own. She moaned softly as he continued to press kisses to her mouth and neck and she gave herself over to the pure lust igniting within her at his touch. She was reacting more on instinct now, without thought and self-consciousness.

Spike spent some time kissing her neck before moving further down to trail soft kisses across her breasts. He loved her breasts; they were a perfect handful and he took one now, kneading it gently and rubbing his thumb over the nipple as it hardened under his attentions. He could tell she was enjoying that so he moved his hand to the other side for a moment before moving down slightly to gain better access to play there awhile. He kissed first one taut bud, then the other, suckling and lathing them by turns and frankly getting quite lost in the joy of it all.

He was driving her insane with sensation. She had always loved his attention to her breasts but it seemed that tonight every touch was heightened and overwhelming. He was so near, suckling her nipples and pressing against her body so intimately; she could feel his hard length rub against her thigh as he held her even closer still. She couldn't stop herself moving against him as he suckled and kissed her. She began to press kisses to the top of his head and continued caressing his back and shoulders until he began kissing her neck once more and, moving up again, plunged her mouth ferociously, tongues tangling and moving over each other in much the same way as their hands continued to do.

She reached between them then and grasped his length in her hand, stroking and softly squeezing him by turns, delighting in the resultant groan elicited from her lover. He dropped his head upon her shoulder and held his breath as she stroked him. She smiled to see him so helpless in her grasp, then reached lower and took the weight of his balls into her hand and felt him shudder as she gently caressed them. She loved the way his breath hitched when she did that, and she continued to stroke and massage him and feel him grow larger still in her hand until she could no longer think about what she was doing to him because she was overwhelmed by his kisses once more.

She was lost again now, eager to both feel and please him. Panting for air, she pulled back slightly from his kisses and stared hungrily into his eyes. There was no need for words, they both knew what they felt and what they wanted. Yet the words came unbidden, from deep within themselves, almost in an agony of needing to be spoken.

"I love you," he whispered hoarsely and touched his forehead to hers with a shuddering breath. "I want to make love to you, come inside of you."

"I love you, too," she urged him breathlessly. "Please…"

He reached aside to the bedside table for the condom he had placed there. Fumbling slightly at first, overwhelmed with emotion and need, he made quick work of putting it on, feeling her eyes on him as he did so. Next time, he thought, he would have her do this. The thought turned him on even more and he lay back down beside her and took her in his arms again, holding himself up and over her slightly so he would have better access and control. Was this really happening, he wondered as he gazed upon her waiting there for him. She was really here with him, and she would be fully his. He saw the pure love and lust that her eyes held for him as well. She wanted him as much as he wanted her and his heart soared.

He smiled tenderly down upon her as he smoothed away the hair that had fallen across her forehead. "Love you so much…" He dipped down for another smoldering kiss as he pulled her closer again, this time snaking a hand down between her legs to tease her there. He felt her tense with a gasp then melt completely into his arms as he continued to stroke her most intimate places. She was wet for him, ready for him, only for him. He hardened further, if it was even possible. This was real, she was really here beneath his hands, ready for him.

He had always known it would be this way with her; that once she gave herself over to him she would be a creature of both affection and great passion. And the passion was rising with every second and every touch.

She wasn't a virgin, not really, so there was no expectation of pain. She knew she ached for him to be inside of her, to fill her and touch her there, she was almost insane with the need of him. Both her emotions and her body were beginning to spin out of control and she wanted him so badly she was almost painful with the wanting of it. She could feel his strokes and then two fingers dipped inside her folds and she became lost in the sensations he was pulling out of her. That familiar glorious ache began building deep within, coiled and intense with need for release. As he pushed further within she felt him begin to pump his fingers and bring his thumb up to circle the bundle of nerves above and she felt herself becoming mindless with needing him.

He watched her lose herself in his touch and was fascinated by how beautiful and erotic a picture she made. She was so warm, so lovely and so open to his ministrations now. His heart swelled with love for this sweet and gorgeous creature beside him and he moved to cover her body with his own, nestling between her legs as carefully as he could without stilling his fingers.

She felt him shift and made room for him to settle between her thighs. Opening her eyes she locked gazes with him, amazed at the sight of him poised above her this way. This was it, this was the man she loved as he was about to make love to her and the sight of him took what little breath she had left away. She smiled at him and he gave her the sweetest smile back as he withdrew his fingers and placed his length against her there.

She gasped at the change in sensation - this was real, and so different, so good. She moved her hips against him to encourage him to continue and he urged her legs up and around him as she felt him push inside. She was slick and ready for him but he was large and there was still the slightest discomfort at the unfamiliar intrusion. It passed quickly, though, as he slowly pressed onward until he was fully seated inside of her. The fullness was incredible and she could hardly comprehend it. She almost forgot to breathe for a moment, then wriggled a bit to test the feel of him there. Exquisite fullness; completion. She had never felt anything like this.

She was tighter than he had expected her to be and he had to hold himself perfectly still to regain control while he allowed her to become accustomed to the new sensations within. Oh, but it was so difficult to wait, he wanted to move and possess her so badly. He did wait, though, and when he felt her relax somewhat at his presence and wriggle beneath him, only then did he begin to move again. Slowly at first, then with more intensity and purpose, he withdrew and plunged inside her again and again, delighting in the little sighs and desperate moans that he was eliciting now. Determined to give her release before he found his own he varied his movements with as much control as he could muster, trying to gauge her reactions to him. She made such pretty noises underneath him it was all he could do to maintain his control and not ravish her selfishly for his own release. But he held on, and once he had settled on a rhythm that seemed to work best for her he reached a hand down to tease her to further heights. He was rewarded with her increasing moans and cries of passion.

"Come for me, luv, that's right, come for me," he breathed into her ear as he continued to pump within her. "I love you so much, Buffy… That's it luv…"

She couldn't think any longer, she was just lost in the movement and sensation of Spike within and without and she felt herself spiraling further and further out of control. She was openly crying out and moaning and could not for the life of her keep quiet while he moved within her this way. That deep delicious ache coiled tighter and tighter within and then suddenly exploded outward in pure light and glorious sensation, more intense than anything she had ever felt before.

She came with a suddenness that almost startled him and he slowed his movements slightly while she rode out the waves of her release. He continued stroking her as she came down and then, now that she had come, sped up and concentrated on his own release with the single-minded passion of youth.

She watched him now as he shut his eyes tight and felt him pound into her with an intensity and focus that she had never seen in him before. He was so beautiful, this man, and she was fascinated to watch him in the throes of passion this way. She was still riding high from her own release and his quick movements were building the fires within her once again.

He felt her begin to move below him again, seeking her own release once more, this time more purposefully. Spike moved his hand back between them, pressing and massaging her to get her off with him this time and she responded immediately. He felt her let go in release and let himself follow her with a shout.

Jerky movements became slow once more and Spike lowered himself down to rest upon her now sated body. She held him lightly for a few moments, boneless as she was, then shifted a little with the weight of him. He nuzzled her neck and then moved over beside her with a grunt and a satisfied groan. With one hand he quickly removed the condom, wrapped it in a tissue and threw it in the trash box next to the bed. Turning fully toward her once more, he enveloped her in his arms as she settled happily against his chest.

He kissed the top of her head and mumbled half coherently, "Amazing… so good, so beautiful…love you so much."

Smiling up at him, she whispered, "Love you, too."

Spike pulled the blankets over them both as they settled down together, and, sated and happy, they both fell into a peaceful slumber.

xxx

xxx

The sun was just peeking through the blinds and the delicious aroma of coffee wafted through the room as Spike slowly awoke very early the next morning. Eyes closed, he allowed himself to savor the memory of the previous night and sighed deeply. He was stirring again, and wondered if Buffy would be up for another round as he turned to reach out for her and found only cold sheets where once his warm girlfriend lay snuggled by his side.

He opened his eyes with a slight frown. This was disappointing. He had hoped for a good tumble and then he would get up and make coffee for her but apparently she had skipped the first and beaten him to the second already.

A loud female scream pierced the air and he shot up in alarm. Hastily throwing on a shirt he scrambled off the bed and raced through the front door toward the sound of the cry, ready to fight whoever had dared to hurt his girl.

He skidded to an abrupt halt on the cottage porch as Buffy cried out again; this time it was obviously in delight, not terror.

She heard him come out and cried out to him, pointing toward the ocean. "Look! Dolphins! There's dolphins in the waves!" She turned around with a magnificent laugh and jumped up to greet him, swallowed by the huge leather duster she had donned to keep warm while she sat and drank coffee on the steps. "I didn't know they came so…" she trailed off into stunned silence as she caught a glance at him.

"I thought someone had hurt you!" He reproached her mildly as he ran a hand through his mussed bed hair. He had cycled from fright to anger to terror to relief in about ten seconds but was caught off guard by the odd look on Buffy's face. "What?"

She broke down in helpless laughter and sat back down on the step before him.

"Oi! What?!" He looked down at himself and realized the reason for the hysterics. "Bugger all." He pointed a finger at her sternly as she continued to laugh even harder. "I thought you were in danger! Laugh at me…" He stomped off back into the cottage, peeling Buffy's satin robe off as he went. "Bloody hell, woman…"

"Pink is definitely your color!" she called after him, dissolving into giggles.

A string of British curses was all the reply she got. Turning back to the sea, she sighed to see that the dolphins had moved on. She consoled herself with the thought that although she would no doubt see dolphins in the ocean another time, there was no way in hell she would ever see Spike in her little pink robe again. Smiling, she turned and walked back into the house.

xxx

xxx

Spike recovered both his dignity and his libido and they spent the early morning in bed making love and talking about nothing and everything. Fresh coffee, cheese danish, and love kept them going for a few hours until Buffy finally called for a long bath and a walk on the beach before lunch.

Reluctantly, Spike let her go, drawing her bath and finally joining her in what became a very sexy bubble bath. He made her promise to never tell a soul that he had accidentally worn her little robe or that he had allowed her to make bubble hairdos on his head. And she crossed her heart with all due solemnity, as long as he never told a soul what she had allowed him to do to her in the bath

.

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After a long walk on the beach, punctuated by kisses and laughter and an almost-second dolphin sighting, Buffy and Spike headed back to pack the car and have lunch at a nearby restaurant before heading back home to the real world once more. Neither wanted the time to end, and the click of the lock on the cottage door held some melancholy for each of them.

They would be back in Sunnydale by three o'clock, and all that awaited them of real life there. She was so happy that they had had this time together, as short as it was, out of the eyes and ears of all the people in her life who seemed to make every day so difficult for her. She felt she deserved a little happiness, a respite from her life.

But mostly she was relieved and happy that she had finally had her 'first time'. The real one. The one that counted. The one without an asterisk to muddy it all up.

The one that she would always remember. The one with Spike.

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God, please tell me what you think. I feel like I took seventy-eight chapters to get you all here and I am desperate to know if you liked it.

Sara


	40. Chapter 79

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Author's Note: Hey, I finally found a writing position that doesn't actually hurt, so keep a good thought and I might be able to get the next chapter out before a week has passed. Thank you all for your kind reviews, I appreciate every one of them.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Seventy-Nine**_

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_Wear Your Love Like Heaven_

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"_What's this?" Buffy took the small box from his fingers and turned it in her hands nervously. "What did you do?"_

_Reluctant to end the weekend, the young couple sat in the car in front of Buffy's house that Sunday afternoon. Spike pulled her in closer to his side and kissed the top of her head where it rested against his shoulder. "'S three months last night, since I first danced with you at the Bronze… first night I kissed you… first thought that you might be someone very special to me…" His voice became hoarse with emotion and he cleared his throat so that he could continue. "Thought it was fitting t'mark the occasion."_

_Buffy opened the little box and pulled out a silver pendant necklace, holding it up before her eyes with a kind of breathless awe. __It was only the second piece of jewelry a boy had ever given to her, and although both were from Spike this one was even more dear to her heart. Dear for what it represented and for it's delicate beauty. __Her eyes flew to his in amazement._

"'_Course, didn't realize it would mark a much more important occasion when I bought it for you," he smiled. He was relieved that she seemed to like it; he had no feel yet for the kind of jewelry Buffy would appreciate but he was fairly certain the heavy gothic pieces Dru preferred were not the way to go. He had finally decided that the delicate silver heart, while expressing his feelings well, would also be more to Buffy's tastes. No witchy pieces for his girl._

"_It's beautiful!" she cried happily as she turned her back to him and held it out. "Put it on?"_

_He took the pendant from her shaky fingers and fixed it about her neck, moving her hair so that it would fall over the chain properly. "There. Meant to give it to you last night but, well, kinda got distracted." he whispered into her ear. "A beautiful necklace for my beautiful girl…"_

_The pendant was a vintage filigree silver heart looped through a silver chain which allowed it to fall just above her cleavage. She grasped it and gazed upon it from the new angle, then brought it up to her lips for a kiss. Turning around, she threw her arms about his neck and hugged him tightly._

"_It's perfect! Thank you!" she breathed into his ear, then pulled back so that she could give him a proper thank you kiss._

_As they broke apart again, Spike brushed a few strands of hair from her face and behind her ear and drank in the sight of her beside him there in the car. "I love you…"_

_xxx_

_xxx_

"It's so beautiful!" she cried happily into the phone.

Willow smiled into the receiver on the other end. Buffy had been telling her excitedly about her weekend for thirty-five minutes and had stopped mid-sentence to exclaim about the pendant four times now. "What does it look like?" she asked innocently.

"It's a silver heart with--" she stopped short in realization. "You're so bad!" she exclaimed with a laugh. "I guess I have been repeating myself."

"A little bit," Willow agreed good-naturedly.

"It was so wonderful, Will," she fell back upon the family room sofa with a happy sigh. "He's so romantic!" She stared at the pendant as she continued in a rush. "And you should see him with Katie, Will. He's so sweet with her, and she liked him, too." She closed her eyes so she could visualize the day he'd met her daughter. "I really think we could be a real family some day. "

Willow was happy for her friends. It would be wonderful if they both could find the love and family they each longed for in the other. Somehow it just seemed like it was meant to be that they should meet and fall in love this way. She was about to say as much when Buffy interrupted her with a cry.

"Dammit!" Buffy sat up quickly. "They're back home, Will. Gotta go. See you in school tomorrow!"

"Bye!" But Buffy had already hung up the phone.

Straightening up hurriedly, Buffy managed to pull a magazine from the coffee table in time to feign a look of surprise as Rosemary walked in from the garage. The false surprise became real when she saw that Glory was close on her heels.

"Well, well, look who's still here," Glory drawled with a nasty smile as she settled onto a bar stool in the kitchen.

"Glory," Buffy greeted her with a false smile of her own, dying just a little bit inside at the sight of this unexpected and unwelcome guest. "I didn't know you were visiting."

Rosemary plopped down beside her sister and waved a delicate hand dismissively in Buffy's direction. "It's Easter next Sunday. We always have family in for Easter."

"Great." Buffy tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice but it was hard.

"Yes, keeping up with family is important," Glory remarked casually. "I'm sure you like to see your family on the holidays, too," she glanced at Buffy with huge surprised eyes. "Oh! My bad."

Try as she might Buffy could not prevent her cheeks from coloring at the insult. She glanced at Rosemary but the older woman was apparently absorbed in flipping through the pages of a sales catalog and seemed to pay no attention to their conversation. Try as she might Buffy could find no suitable comeback so she simply excused herself to go to her room.

As Buffy left for the front stairs John lumbered in from the garage carrying Glory's luggage for the stay. Glory gave her sister a pointed look then turned to John. "I'll be staying in the room next to Buffy's again."

John nodded distractedly as he continued on his way to lug the bags upstairs as instructed.

With a small smile at her sister, Rosemary went back to perusing the catalog while Glory stared at John's retreating back. Glory knew her sister had grown to dislike the young girl but would not push forward to remove her from her home against her husband's express wishes. She knew that Rosemary had complained about the girl and had accused her of trying to seduce him but John resisted with vigor any suggestion to send Buffy back. There was nothing going on, he insisted, and it was unfair to accuse the girl without reason. She needed a home and she was going to stay and Rosemary would have to get over her insecurities. He would hear no more about it.

Although Glory had been urging Rosemary to act regardless of what John wanted she was frustrated because her sister could not bring herself to actually do anything. Her sister was ill, more ill than she would even admit to family, and had grown dependant upon John within their marriage; she had become paralyzed by the fear of being alone. Even though Glory reasoned with her that by doing nothing she was risking that very thing, Rosemary was too afraid to lose her husband by acting precipitously. Glory felt that by her very inaction Rosemary was enabling the little brat to gain a foothold in her husband's affections. The argument circled endlessly between the two sisters, without solution.

Well, she was here now and she was going to be keeping an eye on things for herself. John wanted the girl to stay. Rosemary wanted the girl gone but refused to do anything about it. Perhaps it was time to move the ball to Buffy's court, let her initiate her own leaving. Glory intended to look for any opportunity to move the girl right along in that direction.

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"How was your weekend at Willow's?"

Buffy jumped and turned around with a start at the unexpectedness of both the question and the hand that now rested upon her shoulder. Drawing back far enough to let his fingers fall away and to his side, she regarded John with confusion.

"What?"

"Your stay at Willow's house? Did you have fun?" he repeated, gazing at her with narrow, appraising eyes. She was cute when she was nervous.

"Oh. Um, yeah. Fun," she nodded with a too quick smile. "Fun was had. At Willow's." She deflated at how stupid she sounded even to her own ears. Although she was disappointed in how lame she was sounding today he seemed satisfied with the answer, and after a few inconsequential queries and equally moronic responses on her part he left to go back downstairs again.

Buffy plopped down upon her bed with a long sigh, grateful that he had left so quickly. Suddenly panicked, she shot up again to close her door tightly, toyed with the idea of placing the chair against the knob but rejected it, then sat down upon the bed once more. It was still so early in the day, and both Rosemary and Glory were home; if someone came up and realized she was locking them out in that manner it would raise more questions than she would be able to answer. Besides, she doubted he would try anything with them right there.

Still, she sat and stared at the doorknob for a good five minutes before she felt her body relax again. _Three more weeks. Three more weeks. Three more weeks…_

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"Mmmm, Spike kisses," Buffy sighed happily as she pulled back slightly from her boyfriend's arms. He tried to draw her back in but she laughed and dodged around him to slam her locker door shut. "Be good," she warned him.

"Oh, I'm good," he waggled his eyebrows with a sexy grin, which earned him a good-natured thwap to his chest as Buffy fell naturally in beneath his arm and they began walking to the cafeteria to meet up with their friends.

It was Monday lunchtime and Buffy had been on a cloud all day. Nothing bothered her - not Glory's snide remarks at breakfast, not getting yelled at by Coach Pettit for being late to gym, not getting yelled at by Mr Ivanovich for getting caught doodling hearts in her notes when she was called upon to respond in class. Nothing touched her at all today. And now it was lunchtime and she could finally see him again and she just couldn't get enough of him. She pressed closer to his side as they entered the dining room and joined their friends at their usual table.

After a quick greeting to the others, Spike tore himself away to get their food and the table grew very quiet.

"What?" Buffy looked around the table at the staring faces of her friends. Willow grinned and made a show of going back to eating, and Oz gave her a little smile and did the same. Xander, however, stared at her a moment longer with narrowed eyes then came to sudden life, shock written all over his face.

"You…oh!" He pointed a finger then dropped his hand when he saw her blush and realized what he was doing. "Oh, man, I'm sorry. So none of my business." He blushed himself and focused back on his hamburger.

Really embarrassed now, Buffy whispered frantically, "Is it really that obvious? I thought it was an old wives' tale that you could tell. Can you really tell?!"

"No._ No_," Willow rushed to reassure her hyperventilating friend. "You told me, and I mentioned to Oz that you went out Saturday, and Xander is just…being weird." She scowled at him. "Right?"

"Yeah, right," he floundered. "What she said. I'm just…weird. I'm sorry, Buffy."

She nodded her acceptance of his apology and sat back in her seat, a bit more sober than previously. Willow reached over and touched the pendant that Buffy wore around her neck.

"It's beautiful, Buffy," she smiled at her friend.

Buffy held the pendant in her fingers and nodded reverently. "Yeah." The two friends shared a knowing smile and the mood at the table picked up again.

Xander and Oz glanced at each other, understanding passing unspoken between them . This was always the messy part with Spike. Oz thought it might be different this time, with this girl. Xander wasn't so sure. With Spike, the Afterglow always became the Aftermath. And this time Willow was smack in the middle of it all. This time it wasn't just the couple who could break up; this had the potential to blow their friendships away with it.

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"Hey, baby," Angel purred into his girlfriend's ear as they sat at a table across the cafeteria, although as far as he could tell she didn't even know he was there. "Dru…Dru…" He sighed in frustration when he realized what had her attention once again. Pulling away, he stabbed at his food in irritation. "Gettin' old, Dru."

She narrowed her eyes at the happy couple at the far table, acknowledging her boyfriend's objections with only a muttered, "It's happened."

Sighing heavily, he rolled his eyes in disdain. "What's 'happened', Dru?" He followed her line of vision in spite of himself, only to catch a grinning Spike trying to force feed a french fry to a giggling Buffy who deftly dodged his every effort. He was almost as sick of Spike and Buffy together as he was of his girlfriend's obsession with watching the happy couple. He was about to let Dru know how pissed off he was at her lack of attention to their own relationship when he saw it. There, plain as daylight, in every move and every glance.

"Well. Whaddya know?" he rumbled in amusement. "She finally gave it up." He grinned and tucked into his lunch with renewed energy. "Shouldn't be long now."

He was thrilled with this turn of events. Spike slept with her, now he would break up with her, then he would move on and Drusilla would stop acting like a jealous loon every time she saw them together.

His world would be right again soon.

xxx

xxx

Drusilla knew him better than he knew himself. Every nuance, every glance, every small unconscious action - she knew him. And now she knew that he was in love. He was in love with her; in love with that stupid blonde stranger who had somehow wormed her way into his heart when Drusilla wasn't paying attention. The other girls had been place holders, nothings, of no account whatsoever. They had been the baggage of his life, to be lost along the way, or remembered years gone by, names long forgotten in the passage of time. It was only Drusilla's name he would remember forever. It was Drusilla whom he would long for when all the others had fallen away. That was the way it was supposed to be. He belonged to her, he always would belong to her.

But this girl, she had somehow gained a foothold and Drusilla didn't understand it. She was certainly nothing special. She was skinnier than Dru. She was not beautiful, plain even. Her clothes were dreadful - common and uninteresting. It was well known that she had a kid which should have put him right off her. Her Spike was never easy with children, they made him nervy and irritable until someone came and took them away. This entire thing made no sense. She shouldn't be any threat at all, yet there she was, and he was in love with her.

It was simply unacceptable.

xxx

xxx

"Oh, God, Spike," she moaned breathlessly as she wriggled in his lap, his kisses and his talented hands working their magic once more.

They had been making out in the backseat of his car, parked behind the old bicycle shop as they had on many other nights these last three months, but this time it was different. Before there was always a stopping point, a place they would not go. Now, since Saturday, that line had been erased and she was frantic to feel him again, to feel that completeness once more.

It was so much easier in a bed, she thought ruefully as she pulled back to give him better access to the snaps on her jeans. Her ass looked great in these jeans but they were not practical for what she wanted to do now. Frustrated, she sat back to pull them off herself and then straddled his lap once again, much to his surprised amusement. Amusement turned to a hissing growl as he felt her fingers slip through his zipper and tighten around him.

This passionate creature was his golden goddess and he could hardly believe how quickly and how deeply he had fallen for her. She was practically an innocent yet she was learning quickly to drive him wild. He helped her draw him out and then directed her on how to put the condom on him even as his mouth and hands worked to drive her insane playing with her breasts.

The condom secure, he palmed the globes of her ass and pulled her as close as he could manage without doing himself an injury. Kissing her deeply he thrust his tongue to massage hers in the same rhythm his fingers had found between her folds. When he could hold back no longer he shifted her up and entered her with a strong bold thrust. She was still straddling his lap and uncertain how to manage the position so he took control and held on to her hips, setting a rhythm and helping her to find her release as he tried desperately to delay his own.

It wasn't too long before she came with a cry and he sped up and found his own release quickly. Spent, she fell bonelessly against his chest and nuzzled into his neck, happy and sated.

They held each other for several minutes, neither moving, until he slipped from her and practicalities forced them to move apart and dress themselves once more. He pulled her in close to his side on the bench seat, and she rested her head upon his shoulder while he played with the strands of her silky hair. It had come undone through their lovemaking and spilled wildly across her shoulders and into his hands. He loved her hair…

"Mmmm…" she muttered lazily as she drew circles with a finger upon his leg. "My first time in a car."

He chuckled as he tried to get a glimpse of her face in the moonlight. "How was it?"

"Tight… and leathery…" she smiled up at him. "and very sexy." She pecked a kiss on his nose. "Like you."

"So you liked it then?"

"Very much." She thought a moment. "We'll have a bed again, though, right? Sometimes?"

"Oh, yeah," he promised with a smile. He lifted her chin up for a searing kiss which threatened to ignite them both once again so he pulled back to watch her eyes open and meet his own. "I promise you beds, and breakfasts in them, and long weekends someday, when time and money and freedom permit us. I promise you every good thing you want, luv. Always."

"I love you," she whispered, then snuggled contentedly down under his arm, and played with the rings on his hand.

"Love you, too," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head. _So much_.

xxxxxxx

See? I can do afterglow. J

Sara


	41. Chapter 80

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Author's Note: Sorry it's taken so long. I tried to stop a bag from falling down on my head three weeks ago and I accidentally used my right arm to do so. Felt excruciating pain, had to rest it completely to heal it up. Therefore long typing sessions were not possible (although I did use my left hand to hunt-and-peck a few reviews and comments here and there - I can't help myself). Anyway, the strict enforced rest seems to have worked, the swelling is way down and there is no more pain. So, here you go - new chapter! Thank you to all who take the time to review and who are still putting up with my injured writing schedule. I do hope to get out more than a chapter a week, as long as I stop doing stupid things and re-injuring myself. So, on to chapter eighty, and here's to not being stupid! Wish me luck!

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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_**Chapter Eighty**_

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_Restless_

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"Wish Giles would get here," Buffy grumbled as she slouched back against the steps leading to the upper stacks.

"Can't believe 'e still makes you sign out like this," Spike sighed as he sat back against the wall and spread his legs across the third step, immediately below her.

"Yeah. It was great when he let me skip it, but Snyder found out so…pfft," she sulked.

It was Thursday after school as Spike watched his usually cheerful girlfriend sit in a funk, much as she had been all day so far, and wondered at her changing attitudes the last couple of days. He had promised himself he wouldn't do it, but he could resist no longer.

"How's it goin' at home, luv?" he asked quietly, gently. He hoped it wouldn't lead to an outburst. She was so sensitive about the subject, and he thought she had been hiding the true nature of her home life from him lately. Discussing it always led to flaring tempers, and he didn't want to go there again, but he couldn't just leave it alone, either.

"Fine." She didn't even look at him or try to be convincing. Frustrated, Spike looked away. She had promised she'd let him know if something was going badly at home and he had promised to trust her to do so. Honoring that agreement was proving harder than he had ever imagined.

She continued to stare at the swinging doors to the library and hoped Spike would just drop the subject; she just didn't have the energy for this conversation. The actual truth was that this whole week had been particularly hard on her. With Glory in the house the mood at home had been abysmal, and every night she retired to her room as soon as she reasonably could, even forgoing meals if necessary.

She hated that family; all of them. Rosemary and Glory were thick as thieves, whispering together; suddenly silent when she entered a room, talkative once more as she left. Harmony had been over for dinner twice this week and seemed to enjoy getting Rosemary all riled up about some phantom thing or other and half the time Buffy had had no idea what the girl was talking about. She tried at first to defend herself but there was no 'winning' with Rosemary on anything anymore. Now she just offered a bored shrug to anything Harmony said and ignored the rest of it. The tension remained, but it was quieter.

John had switched tactics with her. He was distant but watchful; his eyes always seemed to follow her as she walked through a room. But he was clever about it; Buffy doubted any one else noticed his attention. She had continued to keep the chair against the door at night just in case, but afterward could not stop herself from watching the doorknob until she fell blearily into sleep, so worried was she that it would suddenly start to turn and open once she closed her eyes. She knew it was unlikely he would try to enter, especially with Glory right across the hall, but still she kept vigilant. Sleep was fitful at best, and true rest impossible.

The only good thing in her life this week was Spike. He was her escape from all the pressure and the stress of dealing with the Smiths and Kendalls. She just had to keep away from any discussion of what home was like right now. The last thing she needed was to have the turmoil of home bubble up and contaminate the peace she felt when she was with him. Sometimes, though, she became overwhelmed with thinking about it all and didn't realize she was showing strain until he started looking at her like he was right now -- as though he were trying to puzzle her out and didn't like what he might find. She knew she had to keep it together. Spike was the only thing in her life that was halfway sane, and she had so little time left to endure. It would all be over soon.

She turned and smiled at him with greater effort. "It's fine, really," she nodded amiably. "Oh look! There's Giles!" Smiling, she jumped up and hurried off to sign her attendance log in the librarian's office.

Spike followed her movements with narrowed eyes.

xxxxxx

"Mmmm…" Buffy paused briefly for air, then leaned in again for another kiss. Spike pulled back with a shake of his head.

"Uh uh uh!" he chided. "Answer first, then snog."

She sighed in exasperation. "First of all, 'snog' sounds a lot like 'snot' and is really not what I want to be thinking about when I'm kissing you," she harrumphed as she sat back in her seat on Spike's living room sofa. "And second of all, biology_ sucks_!" She crossed her arms. "I'm never gonna get this."

Spike furrowed his brow and regarded Buffy, slumped against the sofa, staring off into space. He usually found her pouty outbursts adorable, but not this time. She wasn't even really trying lately; this was already Friday, and the first of their mid-terms was on Tuesday. There was still a lot of terminology to memorize for the biology test, and four other mid-terms to study for as well. He was so frustrated with her he wanted to shake her, to wake her up.

"Luv, as much as I'd like to sno--, er, kiss you right now I have no intention of failing my mid-terms and I'm not gonna let you fail, either." He noted the glare she shot his way and it irritated him no end. "Yeah, you go right ahead and give me the stink-eye, but you're not failing these bloody tests! You've got too much riding on this to just give up now."

He watched her whole body deflate in defeat. She stared morosely at the carpet; her fingers plucking at the piping on the cushion edge was the only manifestation of the turmoil that roiled within. Regretting his angry outburst, he relented, hoping a softer approach would get through to her. He leaned closer to whisper, "Y' get held back, luv, and we won't be in the same classes next year. Y' won't graduate with us…" He stilled her restless fingers and brought her hand up to his lips for a kiss. "How could I let that happen?"

She turned tired eyes to his and watched him kiss the palm of her hand, pulling her closer so he could move his arm around her shoulders and kiss the top of her head.

"Can never let that happen," he whispered as he rested his chin upon her head and just held her for a minute.

She was being a baby about this and she knew it. She was so exhausted and distracted she just wasn't absorbing the information correctly any more. She had no idea how she was going to pass her mid-terms at this rate and he was right - time was running out. It wasn't just passing the classes to her, it was making a good showing at her hearing in April that was constantly in the back of her mind. Still, it was difficult to stir up and make the proper effort.

And here he was, studying hard and trying diligently to help her study and being surprisingly strict about it all. She loved him for caring enough to make such an effort. She had to at least try to pretend to care about it all, even if her head wasn't in it. Maybe, she thought, pretending would be enough and she would actually retain some information from these long study sessions. She could at least try.

She drew herself up straight with what little reserve of strength she could muster and turned to look him directly in the eyes. "You're right. I'll try harder. I will," she declared with more fervor than she felt.

"There's my girl." He reached for the textbook again and settled back comfortably. "We get through these two chapters and then we'll get a bite and I'll take you home, so's you can get some sleep."

Home. God, that sounded terrible. She wished she could stay here, in Giles' house with Spike. It was comfortable and safe and more than anything else, happy. They seemed happy together as a family. She might find rest in a home like this. She realized her thoughts were drifting again. _Bad Buffy._

"Sounds like a plan," she forced a smile.

"All right, then," he nodded seriously. "Cytology is…?" He waited expectantly.

She tamped down a sigh. Biology was going to be the ruin of her.

xxxxxx

"She looks tired," Giles remarked softly from his position in the kitchen doorway.

Jenny came up beside him to watch the young couple studying in the living room. "Mid-terms," she remarked dismissively as she went back to unpacking the grocery bags.

"Yes," Giles murmured. "You're probably right."

But he wasn't entirely convinced.

xxxxxx

Saturday didn't work out quite the way she had planned.

She was supposed to see Katie on Saturday this week, because Sunday was Easter and the center would be closed. However, the visit had been canceled for the second week in a row.

At the last minute the baby's foster parents had stayed a few extra days in San Diego to celebrate Easter with the dad's family and therefore she hadn't been able to see her on Saturday as had been planned. It was a bitter disappointment, one she suspected had been prearranged by the foster family without consent. After all, she thought, who comes back from a family visit two days before Easter?

She had complained to her case worker when the woman called to give her the news. It wasn't Tanya on the telephone, though. Buffy thought Tanya might have agreed with her assessment of the situation. Unfortunately, Tanya was on leave for a couple of weeks and a temporary worker was the one calling to relay the bad news to Buffy. This particular case worker was covering a double caseload in Tanya's absence and was uninterested in hearing Buffy's objections, especially since they couldn't do anything about them. She had actual crises to deal with, she reminded Buffy, and this didn't come close to qualifying. But she said she'd note her complaint in the file and then rang off quickly.

_No doubt she has children of her own to get home to_, Buffy had grumbled inwardly as she hung up the phone.

xxxxxx

Easter was as stilted and uncomfortable as she feared it would be; church in the morning, big family dinner at the Smiths in the afternoon. Neither was a bad thing, of itself, but it wasn't her church and it wasn't her family, and it left her cold. With no little ones in the immediate family there were no baskets or egg hunts to distract and entertain. All there was, was food and family talk, neither of which Buffy cared for, so she excused herself as soon as possible and went to her room.

Earlier she had tried to get out of the house entirely but John insisted that it was a family holiday and that she should stay in for a change. She was always gone, he complained. They were her foster _family_, after all. She almost retorted sarcastically by calling him 'dad' but caught herself just in time; there were too many Smiths and Kendalls around with big ears, and she really didn't want to piss him off unnecessarily. Instead, she decided not to argue the point. After all, it was just one day, she could deal.

xxxxxx

"'lo, luv," rumbled a sexy voice from her cell phone.

Buffy sat up straighter on her bed and glanced at the clock. Ten-thirty. "Spike?" Try as she might, she could not keep the tears out of her voice. She had been crying, holding Katie's little Christmas dress, thinking about not seeing her today and how the little girl was probably too big by now to ever wear it anyway. She had made it for her baby a lifetime ago, and now she would never ever get to wear it. She had started thinking about how she had missed Christmas and now Easter and then she curled into a ball in the middle of her bed and cried for everything that she had lost; for every moment that she would miss.

And now here was Spike, on the phone, right when she needed him to be. She burst into fresh tears.

"Yeah, pet," he kept his voice low but he was quite alarmed. He had not been expecting tears. "What's wrong? Why're you cryin'?"

There was no accusation in his tone, only concern and love and she was more grateful for that than he could ever know. Just hearing his voice tonight was enough to calm her down, ease her pain; she didn't want this to become her pity party. She laid the dress aside and pulled herself together.

"I'm okay," she sniffled. "Just missing Katie today, is all. You know, Easter bunnies and baskets and egg hunts…" She stopped a moment to collect herself again. "Thought I'd be doing that with her this year. But it's fine. She's still so little, she won't even remember." There. Pain tamped down, tears drying up - she was sounding better, less weepy already. "Anyway, should you be calling this number? We don't have many minutes on it."

Spike was startled by how quickly she had settled herself down and switched topics. She needed to talk; he wanted to listen. But she wasn't wrong about the cell phone, it had limited minutes on it and he was flat broke from their weekend and the gifts he had given her. If he used up all the minutes now she wouldn't have it if she needed it later.

"Yeah, I know. I just wanted to hear your voice tonight," he admitted softly. "'M worried about you though. You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine," she lied.

"I can come over?" he offered hopefully. He hated leaving her like this.

"No no no," she rushed to head that idea off quickly. "No climbing in windows of any kind tonight. There's company here, and it's not worth the risk. I'm fine," she assured him, worried now that he might do something foolish. "Please Spike, I'm okay."

He didn't believe it for a minute, but he also didn't want to get her in trouble just because he couldn't leave it alone.

"'ve got an idea," he brightened. "I'll come over early tomorrow, and we can spend some time together before school. We were gonna study at the library anyway. So we'll just hang out in the car until class starts."

"This isn't a sneaky way to get me to memorize vocabulary, is it?" she asked, suspicious.

He laughed. She sounded much better. "Nah, we'll talk about the Bit, about anything you want, as long as you want." He waited for her to say something. "Is it a date?" he asked hopefully.

"Bring coffee and it's a date," she agreed.

They talked for a few more minutes, until Spike started on a path that could only lead to phone sex and Buffy laughed and said no and goodnight.

She clicked off the phone and sat still for a moment before reaching for Katie's little dress again. She settled back down in the blankets, holding the tiny dress in her arms and contemplating what she would talk about with Spike tomorrow morning.

She kept her eyes locked on the doorknob as she finally, restlessly, fell into slumber.

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Hope you like and review. Sara


	42. Chapter 81

**Author's Notes:** I've been trying to write this bridge chapter forever and also healing up from the whole biceps incident. I've been typing small things (like on the find-a-fic forum at spuffy realm), building strength to type longer things such as actual chapters. I apologize for taking so long updating this but it is far from forgotten or abandoned. It's just the suckage that is my life right now that has caused such a long delay. Please forgive me. I hope you will continue reading and reviewing as I get going again on this one, although you have been sorely tried by my long silence.

This is a relatively short chapter. A lot happens and not a lot happens. It needs to be so I can get to where I need to go. I wish it were more after all this time but I need to get it out here so I can continue. I hope you won't be disappointed.

Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

_**Chapter Eighty-One**_

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_Pop Quiz_

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Usually the school day flashed by in a blur of secret smiles and knowing smirks, stolen kisses and classroom study groups. But this Monday dragged on interminably for Buffy. Sleep had been restless and wakeful the night before and Buffy felt like she was running on fumes by third period. She just wanted to hang with her boyfriend and forget the rest of the world for a little while. No deep thoughts today. It was mid-terms week. Fat chance.

xxxxxx

True to his word Spike had shown up early with coffee and a cheese Danish which they shared as they sat in the DeSoto in the school parking lot. He had hoped that she would tell him all that was bothering her but she was so exhausted she mostly yawned and spoke of inconsequential things until the first bell rang for class. He was frustrated but he didn't want to push the matter when she was so obviously tired. But it bothered him.

For all of Buffy's openness about her longing to see her daughter she was completely closed to him regarding her life with the Smiths. It was as though a switch clicked over whenever he brought up the subject of her home life. Now that he was giving it more thought he could see that this had not always been the case; where she used to confide in him, lately she shrugged off questions and diverted the topic to other areas. And the more she didn't want to talk about it the more he wondered exactly what it was she didn't want to talk about.

Well. She wouldn't talk to him about what was happening in that house? Then he'd find a different source.

xxxxxx

"Did you know they shipped Aura off to some Christian boarding school in Colorado?"

Buffy frowned as she fixed her hair in the girls' room mirror. "Um…No?"

"Yeah, after what happened at the New Year's party her parents took her out of school and they just sent her to live with her aunt." Willow leaned her back against the long mirror while she waited for her friend to finish up. "Poor Aura."

Buffy grabbed her purse and turned to Willow. "Okay I have no idea who Aura is, but what happened at the party that was so bad that it got her sent away? Wasn't that the party you guys went to?"

Willow realized her mistake too late. She had completely forgotten that the night of the New Years' party was a dangerous topic that she should be avoiding, especially in the girls' restroom during snack period. Spike had led her to believe he had fessed up to Buffy about the party shenanigans that night. In retrospect the fact that Buffy hadn't said anything to Willow about it was a big fat sign that Spike hadn't admitted to anything he did that night. If he had told her anything at all about that night he had obviously skipped some important parts.

And Buffy was still waiting for an answer.

"Well…there was some stuff that happened in the Jacuzzi and Aura was pretty drunk and it was kind of embarrassing for her so I guess she just decided to make a change. You know, to where people wouldn't so much remember her as naked Jacuzzi girl." _Big smile_.

Buffy just stared at her.

"I mean, you know. _Parties!_ I mean, there were so many people! Hardly anyone saw them out there. I mean, I just heard. Well, I saw a little bit. But then there was Oz, and dancing. And I really had to pee, you know? I mean, beer, right? It just goes right through you. Did you ever wonder why that is? I mean, milk just sits there but beer–"

"Willow!" Buffy's eyes were huge. "What are you talking about?"

This was a nightmare. She was babbling nonsense and that never worked. Buffy was going to see right through her and know Spike was with the naked girl. The _other_ naked girl. It had been months. No one was talking about this any more so maybe Buffy never needed to know but here she was, babbling about it in the girls' restroom like an idiot. Spike was going to kill her. No, she should kill him for putting her in this position. If Buffy didn't kill him first. Or maybe Buffy would kill her for keeping Spike's secret. They were supposed to be friends. Girlfriends didn't keep secrets like this from each other. Did they? She wished she was better at this…

"Are you okay?" Now Buffy just looked worried.

_Think!_, Willow, _Think!_ "Um…"

The bell for third period rang, interrupting what Willow was certain was her complete inability to form coherent sentences. With a deep breath, she gave her friend another hopefully sincere smile and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's get out of here. You know how Mr Ivanovich gets when anyone is late after snack period. _Russians!_ All with the seriousness!"

Willow put her arm through Buffy's and led her quickly out of the restroom and down the hallway, chattering about her own need to get to Algebra before she missed what she absolutely knew was going to be a pop quiz.

Buffy let herself be led away, part stunned and part amused by the weirdness that was Willow. But there was another little part of her that wondered why Spike had never mentioned the naked girl in the Jacuzzi…

xxxxxxx

_Thank goodness for PE!_ Willow thought as she grabbed Spike right before he disappeared through the big doors into the boys' locker room before fourth period. Buffy was off bemoaning today's pop quiz in her own Algebra class but Willow and Spike shared PE and this was the perfect opportunity to warn him about her earlier conversation with his girlfriend.

"Ow!" Spike rubbed his arm where Willow had punched him. "What'd you do that for!"

"You didn't tell her!" she hissed as she dragged him to a more private corner of the hallway. Seeing his confusion and not a little irritation, she elaborated. "About the New Year's Party and the nakedness and Cassie! You promised you'd tell her!"

Spike paled. This couldn't be good. "How…what?"

"She found out that Aura was naked in the Jacuzzi and got shipped to Colorado!"

"How did she find out about that?" Spike asked incredulously. "It's been three months. It's _Easter!_ for fuck's sake!"

Willow deflated a bit. "I told her. But it was an accident!"

"You just happened to mention that I spent the night with a naked girl by accident?"

"Well, I didn't tell her about you! I told her about Aura. And she has questions, okay? I mean, nobody mentioned that there was nakedness at the party and now she finds out and she's got to wonder why nobody told her about the nakedness and where were you and…You see how it goes."

"Again. How did this subject come up?"

Willow sighed. "It was stupid. I was just gossiping a little bit during snack time and I mentioned Aura getting shipped off and Buffy put two and two together and believe me when I say it won't be too long before she wants to know what you were doing that night." She smacked him on the arm again. "You promised you'd tell her!"

Spike ran his hand through his hair and sighed in frustration. This was not what he wanted to be dealing with right now. He gave Willow a hard look.

"Fine. Fine…But you owe me now. And I need something from you," he gazed levelly at her.

"What? Why do I owe you?" Willow glared at him. "I didn't do anything wrong here. You're the one keeping secrets!"

"Yeah, secrets. And you've got some I need to know about, don't you, luv?"

She didn't like that predatory smile he got when he knew she knew something and was powerless to keep it from him. Like right now, although she had no idea what he was talking about.

"What secrets?"

"What's goin' on at Buffy's house? I know she's tellin' you, Red. Spill it." He had her backed into a corner and she was nervous as all hell. _Good._

Willow thought briefly of denying it, but she too was worried about the things Buffy was confiding in her about her current situation with the Smiths. Buffy kept assuring her that she was handling it, but Willow could see how tense and exhausted she was lately. The pressure was really getting to her. She considered Spike, standing here before her, demanding to be given answers. She knew him. She knew he had Buffy's best interests at heart. Maybe he could find a way to help her friend before things got any worse over there.

"You promise to talk to Buffy about New Year's?"

He didn't want to do it but he knew he had to do it. He nodded and took a step back to allow Willow a little breathing space. She was going to tell him what Buffy was hiding from him. Part of him felt bad that he was going behind her back like this, but he needed to know. It was the only way he could help her.

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A bridge to somewhere. Just a tidbit to get the juices flowing and the story on track. Please do not despair. It gets better. I believe it gets better. :)

Sara


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